Totally
Unbe- WEAVE-able
PETA under scrutiny after numerous attempts to remove Trump’s “toupee” People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has been subject to an internal investigation after yet another petition to remove the rotting corpse that Donald Trump uses to cover the open sore atop his head. The mangy, flea infested ‘toupee’, could have just as easily been a collection of hairballs held together by tacky glue and Trump’s stubbornness, although PETA insists they know better than literally everyone else when it comes to these matters. However, the organization’s protests have gone unnoticed recently. Since Donald Trump obtained control of the nuclear codes, people appearing in front of the Ivory Trump Tower, formerly known as the White House, covered in what appears to be blood, has become a common occurrence. The building’s new name
honors the hundreds of white tears that were shed when Obama came into office in addition to the First Family’s ongoing relationship with the Ku Klux Klan. Before the petition, PETA correspondents attended several press conferences and Trump events all over the globe with nuts, seeds, and other pet foods to tempt the malnourished animal to escape. The best animal whisperers in the US including Jackson Galaxy, host of My Cat from Hell, and your one friend who is WAY into horses, have all pursued the foul hair piece to the best of their ability. After several uneventful attempts, PETA was forced to accept the worst; that Trump was still president. And that whatever that thing is has mostly likely been dead for years.
“There is no way in hell that thing still draws breath,” said Ingrid Newkirk, current president of PETA. “We just want to give the poor creature a proper burial. At this point, we can’t even tell what it is, like what the hell man?” Sources say that Newkirk was very open about her distaste for the current situation before wringing her hands mischievously and disappearing into a dark alley. “Have you seen Blackfish? We’re about to go all Blackfish on his ass.” Imperial President Trump has yet to make a comment. Tune in on Twitter at 3 am to briefly see his responses before they are promptly deleted at 3:30 am.
Who Said It TRUMP
OR
Throughout Donald Trump’s campaign for President, a number of people have pointed out the uncanny similarities some of his quotes and ideas have had to notoriously evil leaders in history, such as Adolf Hitler, Vladimir Putin, and Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger. But what’s truly shocking to us here at Nonsense is just how eerily similar many of Trump’s quotes truly are to one of the most controversial figures of all time. Check out the quiz below and see for yourself just how hard it is to differentiate Trump’s words from his. With this, we give you… Who Said It- Trump or Guy Fieri?
1. “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best.” 2. “When cooking for a big crew of hungry dudes who’ve been sleeping in a parking lot, do not think you can get away with Fettuccine Alfredo.” 3. “I have a great relationship with the blacks” 4. “They make a porchetta that you won’t forgetta.” 5. “Appreciate the congrats for being right on radical Islamic terrorism.”
6. “I wanna be the ambassador to Chimichanga Flavour Town.” 7. “I love Hispanics! They’re the ones with the burritos, right? 8. “The true way to deal with our enemies overseas is to send them a steaming hot plate of wings” 9. “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful piece of ass.” 10. “Peace, love and taco grease!” Answer Key Trump:1,3,5,7,9 Fieri: 2,4,6,8,10 As I’m sure you can see, the connections between the two are unmistakable, and truly disturbing. We all know the appeal of someone who just speaks what’s on his mind, but when the words can be as harmful as Trump/Fieri’s, you must take a step back and put the fate of this country over your need for both entertainment and baby back ribs. Having considered this, we sincerely hope your vote this November will go to the candidate who actually deserves it, Jamie Oliver.
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