The Fall Issue

First things first: Get rid of those hideous khakis. Those fits are poor af, bruh. Trade in those baggy Jack-Blackin-School-of-Rock pants for some nice tapered jeans. In fact, go the extra mile and get yourself a nice pair of selvedge raw denim. You’ll find that your fades will be much sicker. “The Jeans Are Good.”

nope!

dope!

This fall season, ditch those polos. There are so many more ways for you to communicate “I am a nerd ass but I am still in charge of you.”

Maybe look on eBay and get a sweet retro 90s sweatshirt from some mountain resort you’ve never been to. The key word here is “normcore.” Oh, there’s still the matter of “still in charge.” Uh, carry a gun?

yuck!

sick!

Student public safety is a whole different matter. You’re young, vibrant. You haven’t accidentally “committed” any “crimes” yet.

Take some liberties with your uniform - but not too many. Liberty is NOT what law enforcement is about. Instead, try wearing your finest Jordans with those raw denim khakis. Oppress your peers with SWAG. Flaunt that “Student Public Safety” jacket. That shit is ELITE. You have POWER over people now. The blue vinyl will BREAK THE WILL OF THE DISOBEDIENT. Let the block yellow letters STRIKE FEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF THE SUBMISSIVE. That shit speaks for itself.

The most stylish thing you can do for yourself, however, is not a choice of clothing. It’s more of a lifestyle/ideology choice. The most important thing for you as a Hofstra PSafe Officer to do is to stop giving us all writeups for “marijuana odor.”

yeoo!

Issue 158, November 2014

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