Our fans (yes, we have those) wrote in to ask us about life and we gave it to them straight. If you’d like to write in to us, please reconsider, or tweet at us @ nonsensehumor and we’ll give you the good word regarding whatever the hell you want.
Editorial Hi guys! Welcome to another installment of this thing we like to call Nonsense Humor Magazine! This time around we are focusing on my favorite season of all, fall, and everything that comes along with the changing of the leaves. Winter is rearing it’s ugly head around the corner and we thought it would be nice to reflect on all that autumn has had to offer us here at Hofstra University. We really had a great time putting this thing together and we hope nobody gets as mad us as my mom does when I tell her I have another semester to go untill I graduate. At this point I think my children will graduate from Hofstra before I do. At any rate, we found a bunch of new freshmen who were interested in feeling ostracized by their fellow students and in making stuff they like with people they kinda like and this thing came out of it. We got some excellent new writers and added on photographers who are sure to strengthen our #brand. This fall semester really felt a lot like Hofstra was trying extra hard but not even in a good way mostly just like someone who’s trying to hard to be your friend. Lackmann food is now %5 cheaper which is great because getting diarrhea really should not break the bank! I’m really sorry about that Lackmann joke just because jesus christ on a cross who gives a shit? There’s a goddamn Chipotle across the street don’t you cretins love that shit? Maybe stop buying weed with your parents money and buy yourself some groceries idk?? Anyways, yeah this school year seems like a great time to continue on pretending this place is more than just a glorified community college. We need to continue to come together on Yik Yak to ask somebody where to get adderall, or to ask girls to come over and blow you, or to talk about being afraid of black people. Continue on being just the way you are and be sure to never expand your horizons or step out of your comfort zones, people. Learning new things is scary and was invented by democrats so it’s better not to involve ourselves with new information. Also be sure to be afraid of things you aren’t familiar with! There’s no one on this earth better than you buddy :) 4
NONSENSE: The Fall Issue
fan mail Is Stu Rabinowitz Circumcised? Regrettably, we can confirm that this is a definitive no… which is shocking for a gentleman named Rabinowitz. How can I stay warm this winter? The Meatsweats™ How do I live forever? Have someone spread over your mouth, spread their ass cheeks, and shit directly into your mouth. The shit must go directly down your throat and not touch any of the sides. How do I get away with smoking weed in my dorm? Start smoking, wait until Psafe comes, and then smoke them up. Let them call for backup until everyone comes and gets high, then play Super Smash Brothers, after they find the Doritos, of course. How do I graduate on time?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s a better joke than anything we’ve ever written in this magazine. Have you ever considered joining the staff?
I am 12 and what is this? U got kik? How big does it need to be? Large enough to reach and short enough to bend. How do I increase my Yakarma?
Why did dad leave? Ask your mother. Can I take the car out tonight? Ask your father. Can I go to the bathroom? I don’t know, can you? Should I leave Nonsense? Yes, Matt. Fuck you.