A Letter From My 15-yr-old Cousin
Basically, my fucking 15-yr-old cousin, Cody, begged me to let her contribute to the magazine or else she’d let my parents know I dropped out of Hofstra last semester. Thanksgiving is already enough of a shit show and she also has a dope bud connect so here’s what the fuck she has to say...
Ah yes it is I.
Me, and my Nirvana shirt.
My red flannel goes v good w/my red lipstick I obtained from my mother.
My ripped high waisted shorts give me the perfect, sexy-yet-blunt camel toe,
big enough to get the boys, yet small enough for my dad to not notice. My mom
keeps telling me my pussy is eating fabric but she gave me this problem to begin with, so shut the fuck up, Donna.
My white hightop converse may imply I listen to The Ramones, ever hear
of them? Mmm didn’t think so. Speaking of great bands nobody knows, The Bea-
tles are getting tattooed over my ribcage in 2.5 months once my left boob finally folds over my rib (so i can hide it from my dad, just like my camel toes)
When I get home after a long day of sucking dick & blogging floral prints on
tumblr.com I enjoy doing my sophomore English homework, my teacher is mean she dumb as fuck.
She doesn’t understand that fan fiction about Kurt Cobain is appropriate,.
She acts as if she has never touched her saggy aureolas to Smells Like Teen
Spirit, more like Smells like cum after I listen to that song every day when I get up.
This one time I sucked my friend DJ Darkflow’s dick to Come as you are,
and when he came, I told him that he came as he was. When he came on my
face he fucked up my winged eyeliner which took me 6 plays of Heart Shaped Box to perfect.
Unfortunately Dj Darkflow wasn’t having it that day, he wiped himself up with
my favorite #4 nirvana shirt and dropped it by my 2nd favorite eyeliner pen I got at savers. Sometimes when sending snapchat nudes i’ll throw on my flower crown to imply i am in fact a vegetarian.
Prior to giving head to DJ Darkflow I tried to get my own head into the
game by smoking this stuff called “Weed” my mom says it’s evil, but so was her soul for birthing me with depression so fuck her. I put my “weed” in a “pipe”
I found in my grandfathers knife droor and went to town on that “weed”. When
I am high I feel as if I am one with Kurt cobain, putting feminism aside, I can fuck kurt cobain in my head. I love flannels, Cody <3 <3 <3
Issue 158, November 2014
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