THE NNY LIFE
‘Girl friends’ crucial for women’s health, well being BY KATIE STOKES
IN JANUARY OF THIS YEAR, THE University of California, Los Angeles released a study that shows women who have “girl friends” are significantly healthier than women who don’t spend time with friends. KaBLAM! At least that’s how I felt when I heard about this. In an interesting twist, this behavior is not replicated in men, which would explain my husband’s continued confusion over my high anticipation for each installment of book club. Stress releases the hormone oxytocin in men and women. When a man is stressed, he goes into “fight or flight mode.” The panic induced by stress can typically be reversed when a man can “lone wolf” it or engage in an activity that ramps up his testosterone. In women, the study found, oxytocin shields our “fight or flight” response, and actually encourages us to “nest”: we want to spend more time with our children, scrub the coffee maker and reorganize our closets, and, more significantly than we might understand, gather with other women. When a woman engages in this “tend and befriend” behavior, her body releases even more oxytocin, producing a calming effect. Estrogen even seems to enhance oxytocin. Though the science behind this is surprising, it’s not shocking. Most women have felt this soothing effect after a night out with
her friends, or after coffee in a friend’s living room. Before I found scientific proof that it was good for me, I actually felt a little guilty about wanting to spend time with people other than my little family. Shouldn’t my family be all that I need? Guilt is a woman’s — especially a mother’s — worst enemy. We believe we should be content as mothers and wives. We’ve married our best friend! Our children, our partners, our work and their health should be all we need to be happy, right? Cold hard facts now tell us that’s not right, especially for women. Another study in the same vein revealed that the people with the most friends over a nine-year period slashed their risk of death by 60 percent. With statistics like that, friendship should not be considered an indulgence women enjoy only on occasion. We absolutely did marry our best friends, and we absolutely do love our kids. But in American culture, we need to learn to celebrate this other important aspect of life from a woman’s perspective. What I want to stress (no pun intended) is that finding time for girl friends by forming a book club, a coffee hour, a knitting circle or a garage band, is not only fun, especially if you’re a woman, it’s like a vitamin for your soul.
JANUA RY 2 01 4 | NNY LIVING
With statistics like that, friendship should not be considered an indulgence women enjoy only on occasion.
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KATIE STOKES is an Oklahoma native who has called Northern New York home for more than a decade. She is a freelance writer and blogger and the mother of two children. She and her family live in Hounsfield. Visit her blog at www.NNYLife.com. Her column appears in every issue of NNY Living.