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thetr bune
editorial
FEBRUARY 2012
Lucky Seventh
greetings
leaplings
A US of A governor faces a very, very important decision
Abha Apte
Chief Editor Amidst gifts of candy, diamonds, and massively ugly flower arrangements, the citizens of Washington, D.C. might just receive a long overdue, and very special Valentine’s Day present. Governor Christine ‘Chris’ Gregoire is the 22nd governor of the state of Washington, D.C., United States of America. And very, very soon, she will be signing a document that will change the lives of hundreds of her citizens. And if she does, Washington will become the seventh state to legally allow gay marriage in U.S.A.; yet another step in the continuing fight for human rights equality. By a 28-21 vote, the state Senate passed legislation to legalize gay marriage with exemptions for religious organizations opposed to conducting same-sex weddings or renting their facilities for gay nuptials. Four Republicans joined 24 Democrats in supporting the bill, and three Democrats sided with 18 Republicans in opposing it. The homophobes, as usual, smelled blood and are attempting to stop the bill from passing. Senator Dan Swecker, a Republican, said he worried that approving same-sex marriage would “create a hostile environment for those of us who believe in traditional marriage.” How gay marriage violates the sanctity of heterosexual ones, we may never know. It is obviously an inexplicable dilemma, though, a mystery as elusive as evolution, mathematics, or, God forbid, this blasphemous ‘science’ that Satan-worshippers keep ranting about. Last month alone, four very public cases of LGBT teen suicides were observed. Openly vocal homophobes need to realize that dozens of high-school bullies watch them spew their influential hate on primetime television, after dinner on a school night, every night. Come on, people. There are good and awful heterosexual marriages, there are good and awful gay marriages. They’re not very different things: it’s just so much harder for the latter to legally be accepted by the State, and to not remain second class citizens. And it’s made more and more difficult every day by people who spend more time opposing the lives of others, instead of ‘preserving the heterosexual sanctity’ of their own. Valentine’s Day is hard for the LGBT community. The one day when scenes right out of Gone With The Wind explode out of every public corner, a gay teenager waiting on the crowded platform for the next MRT has to drop his boyfriend’s hand and silently fume as the couple in front attempts vertical copulation. It’s getting better. Governments are opening their legal doors to the neglected queer community, and the available support for bullied, scared gay teens is now huge, and very, very welcoming. Dharun Ravi, accused for the disgusting suicide of Tyler Clementi, is up for trial this March. Universities in unexpected countries - India, for instance - have LGBT support groups and Gay Straight Alliances (GSAs). Singapore should catch up soon: the perfect gift for gay teens next Valentine’s Day.
This year, 2012, is a leap year - February 29th exists! So for everyone who enjoys true birthday cheer once in four years, cheer away. The life of a leapling, in the eyes of everybody else, seems full of immeasurable sorrow and social media fraud (by changing your Facebook birth-date because no one ever wishes you otherwise). Would you happily sacrifice a moderate number of blood relatives to travel time and have your doctor plug up your infantile exit route for a few hours longer? Do you feel the overwhelming urge to massacre the cake with your fists at other peoples’ birthdays while secretly trying to spill gasoline on the candles? This Survival Guide For Leaplings is just for you!
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Lie. Pretend your birthday’s on Christmas, Hanukkah, October 14th (‘Be Bald Day’: pet your newly reflective head!). Cry alone in the dark on your actual birthday. Collect pity-induced monetary and materialistic compensation by subtly inserting your sorrowful, birthday-less status in frequent conversation.
Find a different, convinient target to victimize and cheer yourself with. Mock pebbles, lamp posts, public loos, and people with birthdays on Good Friday. You have a birthday once in four years: go all out. Buy a pony. Buy your pony a pony. Throw your ponies a rooftop party, buy an island for your new pony farm. Divide age by four years, claim result as actual age for situations inapropriate for adults. For example, dating a minor, public consumption of lollipops. COVER | DIsha Mohapatra
PHOTO | Andrew JK Tan, Flickr
theed tor al Publications Executive Charisse D’Souza
Opinions Editor Shreya Sharma
Chief Editor Abha Apte
Sports Editor Vignesh Gopalakrishnan
News Editors Jayanti Basu Roy Prerna Mishra Teo Xing Zhi
Photo Editor Shubham Goyal Art Editor Anshu Garodia
Layout Editors Aneesha Subramaniam Arnav Kumar Quality Controller Ananya Roy
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