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I tried to pull myself together. “I’m not going to cry.” “What did I say?” “It’s nothing you said. It’s just, well, it’s me. I did something . . . bad.” He stared at me, his eyes wide with confusion. “Edward isn’t going to fight tomorrow,” I whispered the explanation. “I’m making him stay with me. I am a huge coward.” He frowned. “You think this isn’t going to work? That they’ll find you here? Do you know something I don’t know?” “No, no. I’m not afraid of that. I just . . . Ican’t let him go. If he didn’t come back . . .” I shuddered, closing my eyes to escape the thought. Jacob was quiet. I kept whispering, my eyes shut. “If anyone gets hurt, it will always be my fault. And even if no one does . . . I was horrible. I had to be, to convince him to stay with me.He won’t hold it against me, but I’ll always know what I’m capable of.” I felt just a tiny bit better, getting this off my chest. Even if I could only confess it to Jacob. He snorted. My eyes opened slowly, and I was sad to see that the hard mask was back. “I can’t believe he let you talk him out of going. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.” I sighed. “I know.” “That doesn’t mean anything, though.” He was suddenly backtracking. “That doesn’t mean that he loves you more than I do.” “Butyou wouldn’t stay with me, even if I begged.” He pursed his lips for a moment, and I wondered if he would try to deny it. We both knew the truth. “That’s only because I know you better,” he said at last. “Everything’s going to go without a hitch. Even if you’d asked and I’d said no, you wouldn’t be mad at me afterwards.” “If everything does go without a hitch, you’re probably right. I wouldn’t be mad. But the whole time you’re gone, I’ll be sick with worry, Jake. Crazy with it.” “Why?” he asked gruffly. “Why does it matter to you if something happens to me?” “Don’t say that. You know how much you mean to me. I’m sorry it’s not in the way you want, but that’s just how it is. You’re my best friend. At least, you used to be. And still sometimes are . . . when you let your guard down.” He smiled the old smile that I loved. “I’m always that,” he promised. “Even when I don’t . . . behave as well as I should. Underneath, I’m always in here.”