'Is there not medicine in your country for baldness?'. Question our host asked to Tim last night
Winter is arriving on the Black Sea coast. In other news, I followed lunch with 1/2lb of chocolate cake. 1100 calories
Our host is desperate to trim my beard. Clean shaven, he reckons I look like Vladimir Putin,Silvio Berlusconi or just "simple".
I'm not saying it's a miracle but the fish the monk cooked and packed for our lunch seem to be never ending...
I often dry my freshly washed knickers on my panniers. Today they froze. Crisy underwear mmm #fb
Our Christmas disco ended prematurely when I got too enthusiastic with the dancing and fell off a step #livingroomdisco
Chip buttie for lunch in Bosnia. You can take the girl out of Bolton... #fb "This box of breakfast cereal contains 13 adult portions". Incorrect. It contains two. One for me and one for my wife. #1000calorieBreakfast Doing shotput with grapes while an Italian band murders Queen in the nearby village #lifewithnoboxsets
WANTED: Flat roads. Last seen somewhere near Italy. REWARD: The eternal gratitude of my knees.
Two hours of Turkish music videos, the price of a warm bed. Somebody shoot me
And Tim is already 'disappointed' in me for peeing on the tent last night (accidentally)
Hill, rain, dark, trucks, headlights, village, children, snow, mosque, imam, family, chai, car, town, bags, stairs, room, bed, relax
I'm not saying my bike's heavy but I leant it against a bollard and the bollard bent.
Discovered an amazeballs pudding in Turkey, like a chewy egg custard. Sweet joy
Laura and I just ate an entire Vienetta. Seemed like a good idea in the supermarket.
Today I nearly ran over a large pig #georgia #bacon #cycling Heading to what describes itself as a 'party hostel'. I am too old for this. Settle an argument: is it acceptable to pee in a bottle/pot which would later be used for eating or drinking from (washed of course)?#fb
I love sleeping under the stars. Seeing the Plough here in South Korea, home feels close: same view from Lancashire to the Far East #fb
Performed a commando roll direct from the saddle when my bike came to a standstill on a dirt track. Reactions=good. Cycling=needs improving.
Stark naked, scrubbing myself down in a communal Korean spa. On exit, handed prison outfit and three boiled eggs. Now bedding down. Surreal.
Yesterday I had my last view of London for a year or so. Today it was my last taste of Vimto. Emotionally, these are turbulent times.
Japan you beauty. One of the most beautiful days of the trip so far, winding between the forested hills of Honshu I can safely say that after 9 months of living outside, I am looking weathered. Someone pass me the Oil of Ulay ow.ly/i/5xfqJ
Good morning world! Looks like a fine day to cycle around you...
Teenage shop assistant almost had a meltdown at us today. Head is his hands, verge of tears just because we'd made our pot noodle wrong 'Do you know this fish?' our host asked. 'Puffer fish, fugu. Very poisonous'. This just after we'd eaten it both raw and stewed.
Home, Sweet Home - the.org/home-sweet-hom… DONE. Made it home safely after 21,000km of cycling, just in time for Christmas "Out near the Mexican border eh? What you got for protection, a gun, pepper spray or God?"
Hiroshima A-Bomb Museum: interesting, balanced. Seoul Korean War Museum: interesting, balanced. Ho Chi Minh Vietnam War Museum: interesting.
Made it to Orlando with 13,044 miles on the clock. We are D.O.N.E.! See y'all on Sunday.
Tonight we have eaten mouse and snake. Drew the line at duck foetus, do have some standards' In Europe it was Lenin. In India: Ali Baba. Here in Vietnam, they shout:"Ho Chi Minh!" The joys of life with a big beard. Mmm ice cream. Oh no, wait, it's durian flavour. This stinkiest of fruits does not make for a good snack 90km of cycling in 80% humidity at 38°C. I AM TIRED. #fb Pulled over by police twice today: 1st for a photo; 2nd to be given sports drinks. Maybe they're not taking this military coup seriously?' On the last two nights, we've slept in a temple and on the beach. Tonight, it's a half built prison. Creepy. Had to fight a family of monkeys that had stolen Laura's smart phone (they tried to eat it) and sunglasses (fascinated by their reflection). After wearing the same shirt every day for 11 months, it finally disintegrated. It's new, synthetic £2 replacement is not a patch on it.
Listened to three men in stetsons discussing the best place to buy customised boots. The Wild West: where cowboy gear is entirely unironic
There is no such thing as mild chafing, only that which is bad and that which is about to be. #quotes
'If you're going through hell, keep going'. Love this quote from Churchill, it can be applied in so many situations
I am generally a calm man but slowly drive your car into the side of my stationary bike in broad daylight and you will hear me shout.
A 'Texas sized' Margarita came in what was, essentially, a glass bucket. A powerful pick-me-up after a day's riding "The fickle nature of a cyclist's happiness: smooth tarmac, tailwind and it's a delight. Rough road, headwind and I suddenly hate cycling. A steak the size of my face. Thank you Texas.
There is something deeply satisfying about assembling your bike in Arrivals and cycling out of an airport.
The only thing that dug me out of today's headwind-induced black hole of misery was eating an entire packet of astrobelts #sugaraddict
6 days without washing our clothes. Even at this late stage of our journey we are *still* setting records. (N.B. We showered every day).
I play a game called 'Alligator or Bear' in Florida. 'What's that rustling noise outside the tent, alligator or bear?'. Sleeping well #fb
DATA BY DAVE
DESIGN BY DAVE
"Are you those cyclists from TV?". World famous in New Zealand. #paeroa
Woke up to a tent buckling under the weight of snow. Not a great day for sandals.
Thought I was filling our bladder with water from a drinks fountain. Went to cook pasta back at camp and found we had 8-litres of lemonade.
AROUND 80 TWEETS
Our impromtu hosts tonight have matching mullets. It's the Kiwi look, and it rocks #NewZealand
Interviewed by national news about the snow. All in a day's work for the intrepid cycle tourist, wearing sandals and plastic bags for shoes
Man: "What you cycling for?". Me: "See stuff, meet ppl, try new food". Man (looks down at my pan): "You not got instant noodles in England?"
THE WORLD IN
Today's road kill count: a thigh-thick, 2m python; a large black cobra and a monkey. Plus several smaller snakes and monitor lizards
Trying to explain my knitting to Tim. Humours me but clearly uninterested. Mum where are you when I need you?!
Alligators, snakes, bison and a baby snapping turtle. An excellent morning of Floridian wildlife. Eyes desperately peeled for those bear...
4yrs honing my travel writing and the biggest draw to my site is an article my wife writes about a bloody supermarket the.org/2013/11/my-fav… Brilliant to see my Mum and Dad in Istanbul, sad to say goodbye. Will be a few months (and a cold winter) before next time "What do you eat for dinner?" I showed him a tin of beans. "You want eat restaurant food?" I showed him a big grin.… 'Melancholy is incompatible with cycling' - James E. Starrs #cyclingquotes Iran. Home of competitive hospitality. Car flagged us down, handed me a baby, took a photo, took the baby back, drove off #Iran #fb
ABORT: Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Flight booked to Seoul. Whoop whoop! Thanks for all the messages of support.
Can't. Stop. Eating. Tim Tams. As my sister-in-law says, they're basically the crack of the biscuit world
Sodding monkey just stole my bag of bananas, right put of my hand. Think it was part of a chimp gang
Enjoyed a session with a personal trainer yesterday - particularly as said personal trainer was previously a WWF wrestler
"500 for your room". We paid last night, it was 200. "OK 200 each, 400". We paid last night. "OK, pay 200". We paid last night. "OK thanks"
Celebratory drinks. Need to get my party shirt ready. By which I mean: I need to wash my cycling shirt.
Miming: "But there's rat shit all over the bed" to a hotel manager. Another first. #india #cycling Back on the bikes today, minus the winter kit but plus a small ukulele. #dubai #uae
On a warm winter afternoon beneath a brilliant blue sky, after 393 days and 9,698 miles, Laura and I arrived in Melbourne on our bicycles.
Note to self: next time, avoid getting caught out by sunset when cycling past one of Iran's main nuclear enrichment facilities #fb
Yesterday we saw a man with an eye patch rummage through a bin. He then produced a map and showed us buried gold - the.org/digging-gold-a…
Lonely Planet's minimum recommended budget for Iran is £40/day. We've averaged £2/day. Must find some champagne and caviar to compensate.
'You pair of bloody idiots': a very Aussie response when we told the tourist info lady of our plan to cycle to Melbourne