Love You, Mom W
hat would motherhood have been like without the late Erma Bombeck’s humor? Have a laugh for Mother’s Day.
teasing the dog when he wasn’t teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed. – Erma Bombeck
Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes, which one is allergic When your mother to penicillin and hamster fur, asks, “Do you want who gets carsick and who isn’t a piece of advice?” kidding when he stands outside it’s a mere formality. Erma Bombeck, 1927 – 1996 the bathroom door and tells you It doesn’t matter if what’s going to happen if he you answer yes or no. You’re going doesn’t get in right away. It’s tough. If to get it anyway. – Erma Bombeck they all have the same hair color they tend to run together. – Erma Bombeck All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children My theory on housework is, if the into a house with white carpet is item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch one of them. – Erma Bombeck on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why Everyone is guilty at one time or should you? – Erma Bombeck another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to The age of your children is a key have a market on the supply. “Do you factor in how quickly you are served want a spanking or do you want to go in a restaurant. We once had a waiter to bed?” “Don’t you want to save some in who said, “Could I get you your of the pizza for your brother?” “Wasn’t check?” and we answered, “How about there any change?” – Erma Bombeck the menu first?” – Erma Bombeck Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, “What light?” and two more to say, “I didn’t turn it on.” – Erma Bombeck I remember buying a set of black plastic dishes once, after I saw an ad on television where they actually put a blowtorch to them and they emerged unscathed. Exactly one week after I bought them, one of the kids brought a dinner plate to me with a large crack in it. When I asked what happened to it, he said it hit a tree. I don’t want to talk about it. – Erma Bombeck Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for
When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the vice president of the United States. – Erma Bombeck
Who, in their infinite wisdom, decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. – Erma Bombeck
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Lifestyles After 50 • May 2013 • page 23