eSSay
by Sumiti mehta
Raising boys in #MeToo era Teaching respect starts with parents My husband Sudeep and I have two boys, Atiksh, 8, and Akshaj, 14, and we want to Sumiti Mehta, a Sacramento mother of two boys, serves on the city’s Parks and Community raise them to be good human beings who Enrichment Commission and several Natomas are happy, kind and respectful of everyone. Unified School District committees. There was a time, when I thought good parenting is about teaching kids to be courteous and empathetic and to make Until a few years ago, it was a struggle their beds, be hygienic and help around the for me to break these stereotypes in my own house. Instead, I find myself talking to them house. I grew up in the 1980s and ’90s in about gun control, mental health, inclusivity, India, where boys and girls are traditionally sexism, all-gender bathrooms, etc. divided. Just the mere thought of either of So as we raise our family in the United my children being harassed or harassing States, my husband and I are mindful another child is enough to keep me awake of what we model at our house. We are all night. I am sure any parent has the consciously breaking gender stereotypes in same worry. our daily lives. My sons Akshaj and Atiksh Raising boys in the #MeToo era has do not see traditional gender roles in our many significant questions. One is: How house; Sudeep and I swap our chores can we successfully raise sons to and work as a team. Sudeep understand the need for mutual is in consulting, so he respect, inclusivity across travels, but whenever he genders and empathy for is home, the boys have all? We all agree that Just the mere seen him preparing girls can do anything, thought of either of my breakfast and dinner including playing with and helping with children being harassed cars and being good at cleaning and laundry. maths and science. or harassing another This has made our But what can child is enough to keep boys understand there boys do? are no gender-specific me awake all night. Boys are still at chores. The boys help risk of being mocked every day with dishes, when they cry, play with cooking and dusting. dollhouses or kitchen sets or I am hoping this will make wear pink. Pre-teens and teen boys them grow up to caring and understandare under great pressure to “act like a man,” ing boyfriends, husbands and fathers. Akshaj which often means fitting into a stereotype has a nurturing quality that is setting a good that makes them shut down their feelings, example for his younger brother. He even which results in anxiety and depression. cooks and helps with Atiksh’s homework We need to let our sons express their when I am out at meetings. weak moments and emotions, and make Sudeep and I do feel fortunate that we a constant effort to listen to them and are able to talk openly to boys to make understand them. If they feel empowered, them understand the terms “sexism” and they will listen, react and embrace “gender inclusivity,” but as parents we everyone, including their parents. We told are still learning every day. Believe me, both our boys that it is OK to nurture and parenting has no short cuts and it does not be nurtured. This will in turn make them come with hacks. □ better human beings.
01.16.20
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SN&R
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