s-2012-09-06

bites is back see Bites, page 13

new column blows capitol’s dome see Capitol Lowdown, page 12

saC Comedy fest rhymes with ... see arts&Culture, page 26

this guy has

15,000

elephants!

see 15 minutes, page 59

Sacramento’S newS & entertainment weekly

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Volume 24, iSSue 21

|

thurSday, September 6, 2012

building a

HealtHy S a c r a m e n t o

Organic eating in Sacramento by br ad hooker

l

ast spring, students in a class for “health ambassadors” at Hiram Johnson High School wanted to build an organic garden for the community.

Since the underfunded school couldn’t cover the costs, the students had to look for outside help. To succeed, they needed to organize, draft a petition, reach out for financial support and build a campaign ― a tall order for high school students. For guidance, they turned to the nonprofit environmental group Pesticide Watch.

Pesticide Watch helps communities grow grassroots campaigns to fight the use of potentially EvEryBody harmful agricultural SHould BE aBlE chemicals. Through To afford the Building Healthy HEalTHy food and ... Communities iT SHould BE initiative funded EvEryWHErE by the California Endowment, Pesticide Watch helps improve access to fresh foods in the South Sacramento area by building the capacity of youth and residents to advocate for such access.

Under the guidance of Pesticide Watch organizer Asael Sala, the Hiram Johnson students ― about 20 in all ― spent months talking about what healthy eating means and what goals to achieve for their campaign.

They used poignant and powerful language in a letter of petition asking for support on the organic garden.

Not only would this encourage healthy eating, they wrote, it would be an important resource for the fast food-saturated community. They gathered 300

signatures from students and teachers, and eventually, the approval of the principal.

Over the summer break, two of the students, Adrienne Chou and Lorena Ceballos, organized their campaign with Sala. For an organic garden committee to oversee the project, they drafted letters to experts in the field, inviting them to volunteer in helping the students.

They also contacted gardening-related companies to sponsor the project.

“We’re letting everyone know that it’s a smart plan and also that we need funding,” says Ceballos.

Asael and the students envision a garden open to the school and the community. An outdoor classroom here would educate everyone on the best practices.

The team ultimately hopes to establish a garden-tocafeteria connection, so students can enjoy the fruit of their labors in their own lunchroom.

“They’re letting everybody know they mean business,” says Sala. “They felt that everybody should be able to afford healthy food and that it should be everywhere.”

SuPPorTing HEalTHy EaTing Pesticide Watch is a nonprofit organization that has supported grassroots campaigns across California for more than 20 years.

Sponsored by the California Endowment’s Building Healthy Communities initiative, the

organization is supporting healthy eating through local pesticide-free projects. Through its organic gardening projects, the organization aims to launch a preemptive strike in the war on chemicals.

www.PesticideWatch.org

www.SacBHC.org

paid with a grant from the california endowment 2 | SN&R | 09.06.12

SEPTEMBER 6, 2012 | Vol. 24, Issue 21

Numb is dumb It’s not the end of the world as we know it. And I personally feel fine, thanks for asking. But still, there’s no denying that these are alarming times in America—including Sacramento.

As of this writing, President Barack Obama is all tied up with GOP challenger Mitt Romney, this according to a post-convention-bounce analysis of national polling at www.RealClearPolitics.com. A dead heat itself is, of course, discouraging.

But what’s even more troubling is the legion of Facebookers, Tweeters and actual real humans trying to convince me that there’s no difference between Obama and Romney.

Their argument: The two big-party candidates rake in money from an identical corporate and 1-percenter base, so their respective policies are essentially two sides of the same coin. An evil coin. Muah ha ha.

But let’s keep it real: Romney will whittle away at higher education and gut financial aid for low-income students. He will defund ongoing efforts to kickstart a sustainable-energy infrastructure and slash environmental protections. He will preserve the war-on-drugs status quo and its targeting of minority communities. With Paul Ryan by his side, he will push to privatize Social Security and loosen up already lax Wall Street regulations. And more.

Say what you want about Obama, but at least he’s going to fight for students, green energy, minorities, seniors, the unemployed and the poor. That’s a big difference. Taste it.

I get that Americans are jaded.

Money in politics—and especially so-called “dark money”; see Cosmo Garvin’s Bites column this week on page 13 for a look at suspicious campaign dollars here in Sacramento—is enough to make even the most wideeyed activist weary and indifferent.

But this is no time for apathy: Being numb to the political process is just dumb.

—Nick Miller

nic kam@ ne ws r ev i ew . com

29

05 07 09 15 17 18 26 29 32 35 39 40 42 45 59

STREETALK LETTERS NEWS GREEN DAYS OPINION FEATuRE STORY ARTS&CuLTuRE SECOND SATuRDAY NIGHT&DAY DISH ASK JOEY STAGE FILM MuSIC 15 MINuTES cover illustrations by mcky

26

43

46

Mark Halverson, Jeff Hudson, Jonathan Kiefer, Jim Lane, Greg Lucas, Patti Roberts, Steph Rodriguez, Seth Sandronsky, Amy Yannello

Our Mission To publish great newspapers that are successful and enduring. To create a quality work environment that encourages employees to grow professionally while respecting personal welfare. To have a positive impact on our communities and make them better places to live.

Co-editors Rachel Leibrock, Nick Miller Staff Writer Raheem F. Hosseini Copy Editor Shoka Shafiee Calendar Editor Jonathan Mendick Editorial Coordinator Kel Munger Contributing Editor Cosmo Garvin Editor-at-large Melinda Welsh Editorial Interns Kate Paloy, Sarah Vorn, Amy Wong Contributors Sasha Abramsky, Christopher Arns, Rob Brezsny, Joey Garcia, Becky Grunewald,

Design Manager Kate Murphy Art Director Priscilla Garcia Associate Art Director Hayley Doshay Design Melissa Arendt, Brian Breneman, Brennan Collins, Mary Key, Marianne Mancina, Skyler Smith Art Directors-at-large Don Button, Andrea Diaz-Vaughn Director of Advertising and Sales Rick Brown Senior Advertising Consultants Rosemarie Messina, Joy Webber Advertising Consultants Rosemary Babich, Josh Burke, Vince Garcia, Dusty Hamilton, April Houser, Cathy Kleckner, Dave Nettles, Kelsi White Senior Inside Sales Consultant Olla Ubay Ad Services Coordinator Melissa Bernard Operations Manager Will Niespodzinski Client Publications Managing Editor Kendall Fields Client Publications Writer/Copy Editor Mike Blount Sales Coordinators Shawn Barnum, Rachel Rosin Director of First Impressions Jeff Chinn

cover design by hayley doshay

Distribution Manager Greg Erwin Distribution Services Assistant Larry Schubert

SN&R is printed by The Paradise Post using recycled newsprint whenever available.

Distribution Drivers Mansour Aghdam, Nicholas Babcock, Walt Best, Daniel Bowen, Nina Castro, Danny Cladianos, Jack Clifford, Robert Cvach, Lob Dunnica, Chris Fong, Ron Forsberg, Wayne Hopkins, Brenda Hundley, Wendell Powell, Lloyd Rongley, Duane Secco, Lolu Sholotan, Jack Thorne

Editorial Policies Opinions expressed in SN&R are those of the authors and not of Chico Community Publishing, Inc. Contact the editor for permission to reprint articles, cartoons or other portions of the paper. SN&R is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts. All letters received become the property of the publisher. We reserve the right to print letters in condensed form and to edit them for libel.

President/CEO Jeff vonKaenel Chief Operations Officer Deborah Redmond Human Resources Manager Tanja Poley Credit and Collections Manager Renee Briscoe Business Manager Grant Rosenquist Business Shannon McKenna, Zahida Mehirdel Systems Manager Jonathan Schultz Systems Support Specialist Joe Kakacek Web Developer/Support Specialist John Bisignano

Advertising Policies All advertising is subject to the newspaper’s Standards of Acceptance. The advertiser and not the newspaper assumes full responsibility for the truthful content of their advertising message.

1124 Del Paso Boulevard, Sacramento, CA 95815 Phone (916) 498-1234 Sales Fax (916) 498-7910 Editorial Fax (916) 498-7920 Website www.newsreview.com

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“He said the accelerator stuck.”

Asked at Fair Oaks Boulevard and Manzanita Avenue:

Your craziest day at school?

Heather Nueske courtesy clerk

I have a friend who’s shorter than me, so I call her a hobbit. I made a poster with her name on it saying, “Missing hobbit. If found, please call [this number].”

It had her favorite foods on it, [said] she’s “ye” high, and she “weighs about 3 stones.” I put her number on it, so she kept getting all of these texts and calls.

Heather Williamson

David Martinez real-estate worker

I remember waiting [at the] front of school, and an elderly gentleman ran through the gate and hit three people with his car. Everybody survived, [but] one girl broke her hip, and another kid broke a couple of ribs. That was a crazy day! He said the accelerator stuck.

There was a student at our high school who had heart trouble, and his dream was to run. There was a day when he got permission from his parents and from the school and was allowed to run. He had a heart attack and ended up dying. He either passed in the ambulance or shortly thereafter. ... I was very moved by his dedication.

student

California

Monica Martin

retired

For my birthday, a good friend of mine contacted about 100 of his friends and asked them to call me at my dorm room and say happy birthday to me. I started getting these phone calls from people I didn’t know, warmly wishing me a happy birthday. ... I was puzzled, but I put two and two together and figured the likely source.

Events at

Northstar

Tom Berghorst

Nick Puketza

student

I went into the cafeteria to eat, and trays were flying.

People were fighting. The school had broken out into fights and brawling everywhere.

dry-cleaning associate

It was the first day of [high] school. A group of seniors and a few juniors came rolling up in a big ol’ long limousine. It was black with really tinted windows.

It was one of those really big tall ones. They all came out with matching shirts.

SUMMER

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On the

Mountain Tough Mudder—September 22 & 23 Tara Llanes Classic—September 28–30 All Summer Long Events Mountain Bike Race Series, Downhill and Cross-Country

* Eve n t s C a l e n d a r S u b j e c t t o C h a n ge

NorthstarCalifornia.com BEFORE

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LETTERS

Visit us at www.newsreview.com or email sactoletters @ newsreview.com

Save gas, support local music

FIRST SHOT SN&R photo of the week PHOTO BY RON NABITY

Re “The scene is all right” by Nick Miller (SN&R Feature Story, August 30): Hey, Sacramento, we are very, very lucky to have such talented singer-songwriters in this area! Especially big names like Adrian Bourgeois, Autumn Sky, David Houston and Sting Theory and Brian Jennings. Awesome.

LETTER OF You do not have to travel to the Bay Area for great original music.

THE WEEK The price of gasoline is stupid. Stay here and enjoy. Please go see these people, vote, support our local musicians and bands. Get involved in this event!

Yeah! (Loud cheer followed by a back flip.)

April Dayns Sacramento Editor’s note: Voting for the Sacramento Area Music Awards begins Thursday, September 6, at www.sammies.com.

R&Believe Re “The scene is all right” by Nick Miller (SN&R Feature Story, August 30): First, I’d like to say congratulations to all 2012 Sammies nominees.

Second, I would like to just say what an honor it is to represent the Sacramento music scene. I’ve been active in this area and beyond since 2002. Let’s keep it going! “R&Believe the soul ain’t dead.”

J. Black www.jblackmusic.com

Blame the thugs?

Re “Midtown’s worst nightmare” by Nick Miller (SN&R Editor’s Note, August 23): This is a recurring theme. Every great idea and event to revitalize downtown or Midtown Sacramento has been ruined by these lowlife thugs, who appear as soon as they hear there are a lot of people at events being held in the city, and many times they bring their ugly attitude and guns with them. I am not talking about teens who hang out in groups buying yogurt or ride their bikes and skateboards.

I am talking about hard-core thug wannabe gangstas who never visit Midtown on a regular basis to eat at the restaurants or visit boutiques. They are just lowlifes who want “hang out” at popular events and have ruined all events in the central city.

If the city does not get a handle on these thugs and gun-toting gangstas, it will not be long that Sacramento will devolve into the next Stockton and all events will have to shut down because of their actions.

David Gonzalez Sacramento

Put it on a poster Re “Here comes health care” by Jeff vonKaenel (SN&R Frontlines, August 23) and “Tamale lady stays” by Nick Miller (SN&R Beats, August 23): If, as an American citizen, I go to Walmart to sell tamales, make $750 to pay rent (like tamale lady), don’t have a

BEFORE

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FRONTLINES

business license, don’t have a sink, etc., and don’t pay taxes—like tamale lady— then what happens to me?

Do I get the same pro bono attorney if, and when, I run into law enforcement?

Would the case be dropped, like the tamale lady’s case? Is this ruling a green light for others to head to Walmart?

I think it is—and you will then probably witness selective enforcement. This is effing outrageous!

Also, you’ve gotta love when SN&R CEO Jeff vonKaenel asks the state health secretary about lowering a heart surgeon’s pay, for example, from $700,000 to $400,000, and the secretary gives the response: “Right. I don’t know how to do that.”

Awesome. That should be on a poster.

City Hall may ban chalk at protests this month, but Chalk It Up! will live on in Midtown every Labor Day weekend. Artists work on a sidewalk square this past weekend.

Quit pickin’ on K.J., part one Re “K.J. Inc.” by Cosmo Garvin (SN&R Feature Story, August 16): As a mayoral intern this past summer, I was saddened to read Cosmo Garvin’s distortion of my service. While I respect the reporter’s need to question everything, he missed the mark in this case.

Like my peers in the program, I applied specifically to work with Mayor Kevin Johnson on his initiatives, and I’ve had a blast. No doubt, I could’ve chosen a more cushy or lucrative job, but I wanted something more: the chance to help my hometown and become a better leader and person. I’m proud to say I did just that.

At a time of distress and disillusionment, the mayor’s success in bringing young people into public service should be celebrated, not vilified. Surely you can do better than attacking a group of civicminded student volunteers.

Noah Kameyer Sacramento

Pumping not only problem Re “Restrict pumping, save salmon” by Victor Gonella (SN&R Guest Comment, August 23): Scientists with the National Marine Fisheries Service would disagree with the rationale of the author. Ocean conditions have been identified as the leading cause for the drop in salmon population. Those conditions have improved, and the result is an increase in the number of salmon that are returning to the rivers and encountering the gauntlet of fishermen.

No one has argued that salmon have been salvaged at the pumps; the argument has been the number. Again, scientists and researchers have identified a much smaller percentage of fish taken at the pumps than the critics of exports have suggested.

The rules governing the flow of water through the Delta that could be exported while protecting salmon were labeled “arbitrary, capricious, and a scientifically unreasonable action” by a federal judge.

That same judge directed federal fish agencies in 2011 to rewrite the rules.

We’re still waiting the results.

Trevor Jha Davis

Quit pickin’ on K.J., part two

precious little: The mayor has a bunch of initiatives his haters resent. He works with people he knows. They focus on things such as housing the homeless and creating green jobs. The city is broke, so he raises and discloses donations from the private sector to get the job done. Other city council members do the same thing at a lower level. Oh yeah, and college kids are helping.

If anything, Garvin’s article made me more appreciative of the mayor. Thanks, K.J.—at least someone is trying.

Stuart Eldridge Sacramento

Correction In “GOP vs. CEQA” (by Nick Miller, SN&R Beats, August 30), the writer mistakenly identified a state senator from Bakersfield as a Republican; he is a Democrat.

POET’S CORNER The Bed

Re “K.J. Inc.” by Cosmo Garvin (SN&R Feature Story, August 16): After reading Cosmo Garvin’s story, I’m left wondering: So what?

For such a long and overwrought piece, Garvin’s fishing expedition yields

sleeps in a bed and tries to make sense of it all, why do we do what we do, sleeping so peacefully.

—Ann Privateer

Davis

Mike Wade California Farm Water Coalition |

FEATURE

STORY

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/SAPPOROUSA

PLEASE SHARE SAPPORO RESPONSIBLY. | ©2012 SAPPORO U.S.A., INC., NEW YORK, NY | SAPPOROBEER.COM 8 | SN&R | 09.06.12

FRONTLINES The right track New study reaffirms high-speed rail as major engine in battling climate change Opponents of high-speed rail contend that it’s a boondoggle because of its $68 billion price tag. But a recent study provides eviby Max Pringle dence that a California bullet train might be a good investment, particularly when it comes to reducing greenhouse gases and fighting climate change.

The study, published recently in the journal Environmental Research Letters, is the result of two years of research by UC Berkeley civil and environmental engineering professor Arpad Horvath, and Mikhail Chester, professor at Arizona State University’s School of Sustainable Engineering and the Built Environment.

The study analyzed the environmental sustainability of a high-speed-rail network compared to flying and driving. The authors concluded that the high-speed rail system, when it’s completed, will consume less energy and emit fewer greenhouse gases and less pollution than autos or planes, even after accounting for future improvements in auto and airplane fuel efficiency and cleaner, greener technology.

“We’re not only looking at greenhouse gases, we’re also considering things like the potential for smog formation as well as human health respiratory effects,” Chester said. “What we’ve found is that highspeed rail would be a cleaner mode.”

According to the nonpartisan Public Policy Institute of California, California’s population will exceed 50 million people by 2040. That’s 16 million more people than it has today, potentially resulting in billions more car trips and traffic jams— and the resultant smog and greenhouse-gas emissions.

The researchers conducted what they called a “life-cycle assessment” of travel by automobile, airplane and high-speed rail. The report factored in the production and use of steel, concrete and asphalt in the construction of roadways, vehicles and high-speed-rail stations, as well as the nearly 800 miles of high-speed-rail track.

The report determined that after all the dust settles, in about 20 years, high-speed rail will have a lighter environmental footprint than its rivals—although how much lighter depends on numerous factors.

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A new study concluded that high-speed rail would get people to their destinations with fewer emissions than driving or flying.

According to Chester, it’s too early in the planning stage to come up with any hard-and-fast numbers. He says the report shows there will be a slight environmental benefit. While several competing proposals are on the table for what the system will look like once it’s completed, high-speed rail promises to be more environmentally friendly in several ways.

The report determined that after all the dust settles, in about 20 years, high-speed rail will have a lighter environmental footprint than its rivals.

Cars and planes, for example, run on fossil fuels, which emit greenhouse gases and other pollutants. The extraction and refining process also emits pollutants.

High-speed trains, however, run on electricity, which produces no greenhouse gases at the point of use. Pollutants become an issue for high-speed rail at the power plants generating the electricity; the plants may burn fossil fuels.

However, the study’s authors note that the number of renewable-energy plants, which produce no greenhouse gases, will continue to grow in California as the high-speed-rail system is built.

Hydroelectric power, for instance, produces the bulk of the electricity for the Swiss high-speed-rail network.

FEATURE

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One of the ways the UC Berkeley study measures the environmental impact of travel by car, airplane and high-speed rail is by determining the level of emissions produced per passenger per vehicle kilometers traveled. Cars have the biggest footprint. A 2009 Federal Highway Administration report showed that there were about 380 billion annual vehicles per kilometer traveled in California, and this number is forecast to increase to 480 billion by 2040, absent a high-speed-rail system. That’s another 100 billion car trips in the state in the next 30 years, spewing out another 100 billion trips’ worth of tailpipe emissions.

The UC Berkeley report’s findings indicate that efficiently planned highspeed rail gets people to their destinations with fewer emissions than driving. If the proposed high-speed train is occupied by 80 to 180 passengers on average over its lifetime, the report stated, it would result in the equivalent of greenhouse-gas emissions per passenger-kilometer-traveled produced by a 35-mpg sedan carrying 2.2 people. The U.S. Department of Energy estimates that the average vehicle in America carries 1.59 passengers per vehicle on average at any given time.

The new study’s findings track closely with research commissioned in 2009 by seven of Europe’s leading high-speed-rail systems. “Generally, what you tend to see around the rest of the world is a similar pattern where high-speed rail does have a lower environmental footprint than the automobile or aircraft,” Chester said.

The UC Berkeley report adds an environmental arrow to the quiver of project supporters, many of who have been

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pressing Gov. Jerry Brown (a big highspeed-rail supporter) and the California High-Speed Rail Authority to ensure that the system be cost efficient and environmentally friendly. Earlier this summer, Brown and the Democrat-controlled Legislature approved $5 billion in funding to launch high-speed rail.

The report’s authors say that the highspeed-rail network must also be an attractive alternative to the roadways and the airports if it’s to have the kind of environmental benefits they envision. To get some perspective, the researchers went to Europe and Japan, where highspeed-rail networks have been operating successfully for decades.

Chester consulted officials at Deutsche Bahn, Germany’s high-speed rail system. They told him that European planners view high-speed-rail systems as part of a unified, interconnected transportation system—not as a separate and competing transportation mode. For example, a traveler from an outlying province in Germany can use high-speed rail to connect to a flight from a big city airport. The airlines even help passengers with these arrangements. Another part of the holistic German approach is that airlines refer travelers whose flights have been canceled to high-speed rail.

“That’s an important view that California I think may choose to adopt,” Chester said. “Basically, you have to think about things like the trains pulling into airports, pulling into city centers, instead of stopping 10 miles outside of Fresno, for example. You have to make sure there are urban infill policies around the system.” Ω

09.06.12

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Democracy belabored SN&R’s new state-politics columnist longs for odd-numbered years

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Labor Day is the start of that centuries-old fall classic: the general election. Or at least it used to be, anyway, back in the bucolic age when baseball was born and school didn’t start until the crops were harvested. But even the most benumbed rock head recognizes this is no longer the case.

Arguably, Barry Obama has been running for re-election since he was first elected president on November 4, 2008. And Mitt CAS

by GREG LU “Less Than Perfect Fit” Romney caplowdown@newsreview.com has been alternately lurching and flailing upon the presidential stage seemingly as long as the more than 1,300 years between when Moroni was alive and when he appeared, as an angel, to Joseph Smith in 1823.

Closer to home, those foolish enough to covet one of the 120 seats in Sacramento’s White Sepulcher, otherwise known as the Capitol, have been preening and pimping themselves for far longer than three days. Similarly, the stuff-their-pockets hustlers and smug, reinvent-California-in-mineown-image do-gooders behind the 11 propositions on November’s ballot began making their mischief many months past.

Mercifully, California is not a battleground state.

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Greg Lucas’ statepolitics column Capitol Lowdown will appear every-other week in SN&R. He also blogs at www.californias capitol.com.

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Labor Day is no longer the campaign starting line; it’s the start of the last lap. Savor these first few halcyon days, because during the subsequent 59, the yammering and huckstering will only grow more cloying and imbecilic.

Mercifully, California is not a battleground state. Absent some cataclysm, we’re going with who we brought to the dance four years ago.

The no-doubt-grateful prez is aware of that, and so is not inflicting on California a barrage of his TV exhortations to go “Forward”—tacitly suggesting the Mitt-meister and his youthful ward Paul Ryan hunger to hurl us backward.

And since Mitt knows the day he wins California will be right about the time “skank” and “Paris Hilton” are no longer synonyms, he isn’t wasting his Brobdingnagian war chest trying to convince Californians he’s just a regular beer-and-barbecue guy.

Only his hubris allows him to believe there’s enough money on the planet to accomplish that feat.

Nonetheless, Californians will still be carpet-bombed—if they haven’t already—with vapid, buzzword-laden solicitations for cash to bankroll Barry and Mitt’s self-hawking in other states, where the outcome in November is in dispute. Colorado, Florida, Iowa, Nevada and Ohio, for example.

Should this dearth of electronic political advertising by the presidential wannabes in the Golden State cause any measure of sorrow, buck up! The promoters and opponents of those 11 propositions are eager to fill the vacuum.

Part of that eagerness is fueled by campaign consultants, who rake off a snappy 10 percent when they place advertising on a TV station. That business model might explain the saturation buys during the two weeks before the first Tuesday in November—despite the fact that most Californians regularly vote by mail, and well in advance of Election Day. Instead of the president and his GOP contender, Californians will hear about the hideous inequities contained in Proposition 32, which makes it harder for unions, corporations and other political players to siphon money from paychecks to write contributions to causes and candidates.

Opponents, chiefly labor unions, are already in for $7.6 million, according to contribution reports filed with the state as of June 30.

Also expect plenty of 30-second salvoes from Proposition 30 and Proposition 38, which want to jack up taxes, allegedly to help schools.

Gov. Edmund G. “Calvus” Brown has $5 million on hand and is hurriedly Hoovering up more. His will likely be a futile effort to convince Californians they should send the already profligate and rapacious state even more money to squander.

Molly Munger is already in for $18 million on her tax measure, Proposition 38, so don’t expect silence from her in the weeks ahead.

To paraphrase Winston Churchill, we have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. Albeit less than 10 weeks, it will be filled with struggle and suffering. So let us go forward together and wage war—with all our might—against the rank hypocrisy and tawdry half-truths that will be inflicted upon us in the weeks ahead. Until, on November 7, we may begin to bask in the broad, sunlit uplands of odd-numbered years. Ω

K.J.’s dark money machine Turns out, the mayor has his own lobbying group

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Village Hat Shop If you managed to choke down SN&R’s 5,000-word report on Mayor Kevin Johnson’s nonprofit network a couple weeks back, there’s more where that came from. Plenty more.

First, a quick clarification. In that story, “K.J. Inc.” (SN&R Feature Story, August 16), we reported that Mayor Johnson was funneling his leftover campaign money into one of his 501(c)(3) groups, called the Sacramento Public Policy Foundation.

VIN The Sacramento Public Policy AR G O SM

by CO Foundation has received more than $1 milcosmog@newsreview.com lion in so-called “behested” payments through the mayor’s office, in addition to unknown amounts given by anonymous donors. That was explained in the story.

But, in fact, the $180,000 in campaign money from Johnson’s re-election account was actually slushed into yet another fund, controlled by a 501(c)(4) group called the Sacramento Public Policy Forum.

Part of the confusion stems from the Forum’s low profile since its formation in 2009. It was formed—by Johnson and his attorney Fred Hiestand—to do lobbying on behalf of Johnson’s Sacramento First initiative, the mayor’s first attempt to boost development of a new Kings arena.

Sacramento First is defunct, but the Forum actually lived on, somewhat under the radar.

Until this year, when it got a big infusion of cash from Johnson, to do ... something.

Like the Foundation, the Forum is run by Johnson’s attorney Hiestand, along with political consultant Chris Tapio. The address is still the same address as David Townsend, the guy who ran both of Johnson’s election campaigns.

“The Forum is there to do lobbying when it’s necessary. It sits there waiting for the appropriate time,” Hiestand told SN&R last week.

Hiestand said the Forum could lobby anyone, including the city council. And it could spend its money trying to influence public opinion on any matters before the council.

One potential problem with the Foundation is that it allows the mayor to raise unlimited amounts of money from donors who have business before the city.

The Forum, which as a 501(c)(4) organization can do unlimited lobbying, adds another dimension: The mayor has his own lobbying group to influence city policy and his peers on the council—using a mix of campaign cash along with unregulated amounts of money from anonymous donors.

Bill Moyers and other critics call this sort of thing “dark money.” And even though the mayor of Sacramento is the person who controls these groups, the public has no ability to know who these anonymous donors are.

But Johnson’s lawyer makes no apologies about the organization’s secrecy.

BEFORE

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FRONTLINES

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FEATURE

“People are curious about all sorts of things, that doesn’t mean they have a right to know them,” said Hiestand. “There are a lot of nosy people, the K.J. haters, who have nothing better to do than to ask for more than the law requires. But we have no plans to deviate from what the law requires.”

Doesn’t the public deserve more disclosure than that? Bites asked. After all, this is the mayor of the city.

“What the public deserves is what the law requires. If the public wants more disclosure, the public should change the law,” Hiestand said.

The Sacramento city manager has decided to make some of his own changes. He wants the mayor’s nonprofits to stop using city property and resources. “No, I’m not comfortable with it,” City Manager John Shirey told Bites last week.

“The people who are here need to be engaged in city work. Those nonprofit organizations cannot be using city resources unless they are sanctioned by the city council.”

For now, it’s an administrative matter, and not on the council’s agenda. Shirey explained that City Clerk Shirley Concolino has taken over administration of mayor and council offices.

That’s the job formerly held by Lisa SernaMayorga, a longtime friend and aide to Johnson, who resigned from the post in July after reports that she had misused city credit cards.

“What the public deserves is what the law requires.

If the public wants more disclosure, the public should change the law.”

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Fred Hiestand attorney to Mayor Kevin Johnson Concolino and her staff are sorting out who is occupying the seats and offices on the third floor of City Hall. “What we’re doing now is identifying people who are working for these nonprofit organizations and making arrangements for them to not be here anymore,” Shirey explained.

He added that he had been looking for a while, even before Kerri Asbury, chairwoman of the Sacramento County Democratic Party, sent a letter to Shirey in July asking for an investigation. But he had other priorities, like the city’s budget deficit, to deal with.

“I inherited this situation. It never should have been allowed in the first place,” said Shirey.

Calls to the mayor’s office for this column went unreturned. Ω STORY

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9/11/02 The day we came together to celebrate our diversity This September 11, 2012, marks the 11th anniversary of 9/11.

While that day was a day of many painful memories, I remember September 11, 2002, as a celebration of Sacramento coming together as a community.

It was on September 11, 2002, that the Sacramento News & Review, in conjunction with the Sacramento Interfaith Service Bureau, put on A Call for Unity, an interfaith, music and spokenword event at Memorial Auditorium. This was a remarkable evening where several thousand people gathered to hear local faith groups l

by Jeff Vonkaene perform.

The event was held for six more years j e ffv @ne wsr e v ie w.c o m at the Robert and Margrit Mondavi Center for the Performing Arts at UC Davis. In the process of preparing for the event, I attended different religious services in Sacramento, initially just to audition the choirs. But after visiting about a dozen different services—including St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church in Oak Park, a Russian Baptist church and a Sikh temple in West Sacramento, and the Spiritual Life Center in downtown Sacramento—I was having an incredibly fascinating experience. I eventually attended more If there was a than 100 services of all Guinness World different faiths. If there was a Guinness World Record for Record for interfaith interfaith attendance, perhaps could qualify. I don’t know. attendance, perhaps IBut I do know that this expeI could qualify. rience had a huge impact on my life and my understanding of Sacramento.

There was no entrance fee. I did not call ahead. I just showed up at the beginning of services and took a seat.

I did not tell them that I owned a newspaper, I was just a complete stranger that wandered in. Often, I did not know the language being spoken. Often, I would be the only white guy in the room, or the only non-Catholic, Latter-day Saint, Muslim or Buddhist in the room. It To hear some of never mattered. I was always warmly received. the music from A Usually at the end of services, a handful of people Call for Unity, go to would make a special point of thanking me for coming. http://tinyurl.com/ Sometimes dozens of people went out of their way to ACallForUnity. thank me for coming. These people did not know me from Adam.

As a result of attending so many services, I met and got to know many different Sacramento faith leaders.

They are an incredible group. Funny, smart, super committed and often wise. I have been very blessed to consider them my friends. And Sacramento is blessed to have them here along with their very diverse congregations.

Jeff vonkaenel This September 11 is the 10th anniversary of our first is the president, CEO and A Call for Unity. It’s true that 9/11 left a mark on many majority owner of of our lives, but as an alternative to focusing on fear and the News & Review divisiveness, Sacramento’s interfaith community chose newspapers in to celebrate our differences and diversity as well as Sacramento, Chico and Reno. our shared humanity. And Sacramento became a better community because of how we came together in response to this crisis. Ω

GREEN DAYS

Our writer breaks down which ‘organic’ brands want to label GMOs—and who wants to keep what we eat in the dark Those who want to eat organic and natural need to beware.

The Cornucopia Institute, a by Christine G.K. Wisconsin-based nonprofit organizaLaPado-Breglia tion dedicated to “Promoting Economic Justice for Family Scale christinel@ newsreview.com Farming,” as its motto puts it, recently came out with a detailed report that reveals which corporations have joined biotech giant Monsanto and industry leaders in fighting California’s Proposition 37, which would mandate labeling of genetically modified organisms, or GMOs, on food and other products.

The report reveals that Horizon, Silk, Kashi, Cascadian Farm, R.W. Knudsen Family and others are working to defeat the ballot measure.

“Consumers might be surprised to find out that brands hiding under ‘natural’ facades are in fact owned by multibillion-dollar corporations,” said Charlotte Vallaeys, Cornucopia’s director of farm and food policy, Green Days is on the “[and] are contributing bushel baskets lookout for innovative of cash to defeating Proposition 37.” sustainable projects As the report pointed out, “mandathroughout the tory labeling of genetically engineered Sacramento region.

Turn us on at food in California is viewed as a sactonewstips@ watershed event by many industry newsreview.com. observers.” But companies are balking at the prospect of labeling GMOs, mostly because, as the report states, “many companies will find it logistically or economically difficult to produce foods with labels identifying GE for California while producing a different product line of foods for the rest of the country.”

It will cut into their bottom line, their profits, in other words.

Activists suggest that consumers cut into these sly companies’ profits now by not purchasing their products.

Of the $23.5 million donated so far to fight Prop. 37, here is the breakdown, by brand/corporation, according to the Cornucopia Institute: Monsanto has doled out $4,208,000; PepsiCo (parent company |

FRONTLINES

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RUTH

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY PRISCILLA GARCIA

Who’s who of Prop. 37

BEFORE

AN INCONVENIENT

by AUNTIE RUTH

Summer’s a bear Aunt Ruth had never seen a bear high up a tree in the middle of a hotel courtyard before.

A huge black bear.

Granted, Ruthie’s led a sheltered life, free of snakes and alligators, but not once had such a rather baffling stop-the-tourists-it’s-time-to-gawk moment occurred in her vast history of summer vacations.

An odd day.

Auntie didn’t witness the bear’s ascension: Rumor Horizon’s parent company, Dean Foods is one of dozens who have given money to fight labeling genetically modified organisms on food products.

of Izze Beverage Company and Naked Juice Company), $1,716,300; CocaCola (Honest Tea, Odwalla, Simply Orange Juice Company), $1,164,400; ConAgra (Alexia, Lightlife), $1,076,300; Kellogg Company (Kashi, MorningStar Farms, Gardenburger, Bear Naked), $632,500; General Mills (Cascadian Farm, Muir Glen, Lärabar), $520,000; Smucker’s (R.W. Knudsen, Santa Cruz Organic), $387,000; and Dean Foods (Horizon, Silk), $253,000.

The report reveals that Horizon, Silk, Kashi, Cascadian Farm, R.W. Knudsen and others are working to defeat the ballot measure.

Additionally, the Council for Biotechnology Information—which is made up of agricultural-pesticide giants Monsanto, DuPont, Syngenta, Dow AgroSciences, Bayer CropScience and BASF Plant Science—and the Grocery Manufacturers Association each have donated $375,000. And the Biotechnology Industry Organization has put in $250,000 toward trying to make sure Californians do not have access to accurate labeling of the food they buy, as far as GMO content goes.

Meanwhile, there are high-profile natural and organic brands who’ve given to Yes on 27, including Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps All One! soaps, Nature’s Path Organic cereals, Richvale-based Lundberg Family Farms rice, Nutiva coconut and hemp oils, Organic Valley milk, Amy’s Kitchen frozen meals, Eden Foods, Baby’s Only Organic baby formula,

FEATURE

STORY

|

Straus Family Creamery dairy and Uncle Matt’s Organic juices.

Collectively, along with Illinois physician Dr. Joseph Mercola, Organic Consumers Association and Michael Funk, CEO of United Natural Foods Inc., they have donated $2.6 million toward the support of Prop. 37. But it’s a far cry from the big money donated by big corporations such as Monsanto, PepsiCo and Kellogg.

Meanwhile, certain companies that activist say probably should support Prop. 37 have yet to donate to the campaign, according to the Cornucopia Institute. These companies include Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods Market and Stonyfield Farm.

Interested parties can visit www.cornucopia.org to sign a petition that tells anti-Prop. 37 corporations that you won’t give them your business. The petition also thanks pro-37 companies and asks noncommittal companies, such as Trader Joe’s, to provide financial support. Ω

had it he—gender is presumed here—was eating food left by a tourist here near Lake Tahoe, and, after getting spooked by a resident, climbed 30 feet up a tree, where he had a nice view of the pool and the encasing hotel rooms that flank the tree in a scraggly “U” shape.

Ruth could clearly see the bear from her idyllic patio. She couldn’t figure out why this guy in a blue shirt Sunny was just hungry. was standing at the base of the tree, camera in hand, head upturned. For about an hour.

Pity the poor staff of the hotel, a 20-something dude in a bright-green shirt and dramatic red-rimmed sunglasses. He would periodically go to the base of the tree and yell, “You get out of my tree, bear!” He’d throw a rock and, hands on hips, stare up.

At one point, he brought out two friends and a hose. His friend started to spray up and then stopped and laughed, “Dude, you’re killing me. He’s like a puppy in a sprinkler up there.”

Draped over three tree branches like a giant black rug, the bear was panting like a dog when Ruthie peered up at him around 10 a.m., and panting still around 5 p.m. It was the way a dog pants in a hot car, windows cracked.

It’s been reported that land is dry, food is scarce and “conditions … will strain relations between [bears] and property owners,” according to the Tahoe Daily Tribune. That beloved bear, named Sunny, was shot dead at Lake Tahoe recently, allegedly by an angry home owner, possibly in violation of the law.

All Auntie Ruth knows is that that bear didn’t look happy, panting heavy, staring not at us but off into the distance. He came down while Ruthie was away at dinner, and the sun was going down. Reportedly, he just ambled out of the courtyard and up the hill and away. Ω (Come friend Aunt Ruth on Facebook and let’s hang out.)

ECO-HIT Green-up duty

Several local organizations have registered to participate in National Public Lands Day. The event— which is officially Saturday, September 29—is the largest annual public-land cleanup activity in the nation, with federal agencies, nonprofits and other local government agencies participating. Some cleanup events within 50 miles of Sacramento—at sites such as the Cosumnes River Preserve, Miner’s Ravine Bike Trail and Beale Air Force Base—happen as early as this weekend, while others continue throughout September and October. Cleanup and improvement tasks include habitat restoration, water-quality monitoring, painting, landscaping and picking up litter. Visit www.publiclands day.org for more information.

A RT S & C U LT U R E

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Sunset with beer can I must have picked up 30 pounds of beer bottles from a beach on the California coast yesterday. In all my life, I’ve never seen, nor ever imagined, such a scene. Who by Crawdad Nelson would have been so disrespectful as to let such a mess a Sacramento writer of garbage—beverage containers, cigarette packs and and poet butts, fast-food wrappers, and toilet paper—pile up next to the ocean? What sane person wouldn’t drive his jalopy up to the mess, take a swig from a jug of wine and haul the trash out?

It seems to me, anyway.

We were all raised to respect the beach, if nothing else. Urban alleys and rural highways will always be festooned with the same basic mix of trash, with urine-filled Gatorade bottles added in like miniature dayglow mileage markers. That’s the price we pay for having modern conveniences and blissful lifestyles.

Still, so far, we’ve mostly agreed to respect the beaches. They are a big part of why people visit and yearn to live here in California.

What really got The shoreline appears on postcards, always with the trash cleverly edited to me was the out, I suppose. They are a visible of exactly how much selffact that I was symbol respect we have. If I run the risk of picking up trash cutting my toe on your beer bottle while walking on a beautiful stretch on the beach, of sand, we’re not really living in a out in the open, shared culture of cooperation, are we? on a beautiful What really got to me was the fact that I was picking up trash on sunny day, right the beach, out in the open, on a sunny day, right in front of in front Nof people beautiful E W S & R E V I E W Bpeople U S I N Ewho S S Uhad, SE O N L Ythat moment, until DESIGNER DATE ACCT. EXEC. who had beenISSUEbeen successfully ignoring the AL 06.18.09 REM obnoxious litter of their predecessuccessfully FILE NAME DATE sors, like soREV. many slowly evolving TRINITYCATHEDRAL061809R1 02.19.09 to comprehend ignoring it. wildebeest, unable signs of their own demise.

USP (BOLDthe SELECTION) we/ really PRICE / ATMOSPHERE /Have EXPERT UNIQUEfallen this far?

My suspicion is that most, if not CAREFULLY REVIEW YOUR and purified-tapall,PLEASE of the beer, soda, energy-drink ADVERTISEMENT AND VERIFY THE FOLLOWING: water containers, along with cigarette packs and fastAD SIZE (COLUMNS X INCHES) food wrappers, were bought, transported to the site, SPELLING and festively consumed by Californians, specifically NUMBERS & DATES the type who enjoy beaches. I’m fairly sure that their CONTACT INFO (PHONE, ETC.) parents, at least thoseADDRESSES, of my generation, have been AD APPEARS AS REQUESTED taught for decades not to spoil the beaches.

APPROVED BY: for dumping trash are enormous, or so The fines the roadside signs say.

So, what’s going on?

Somehow, the message we were taught has not made it through to whoever eats and drinks on the beaches these days. Ω

ThiS ModErn World

by tom tomorrow

Which way forward for the republic?

This is not an altruistic dream, but The Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission one based on recent history. In two welldecision unleashed unparalleled amounts of documented cases, bipartisanship worked. The ideologically driven cash focused on elections at the federal, state and local levels. It’s beside late Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) and Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), who were at opposite the point that the right wing is outspending ends of the political spectrum, not only the left 3-to-1 across the nation. What should worked together on health issues, but spoke concern the American public is not who wins an election, but whether their individual voices of each other quite often with respect despite their differences. Former Sen. Russ Feingold and their votes still matter.

(D-Wis.) and Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), Since 2010, we have seen the subversion of another political odd couple, hammered the political process by a minority of big, wellby out the McCain-Feingold Act for campaign funded interests and wealthy individuals who Eric Wiesenthal reform—legislation which dump millions of dollars a state employee who the U.S. Supreme Court into races to crush their has been active in cavalierly dumped in Citizens Our struggle ought local politics for more candidate’s opponents.

United, clearing the way for As a result, we as indithan 15 years to be about hearing unlimited, and, in many cases, vidual Americans have undocumented campaign been lost in a torrent all voices in our of skewed, negative national political life. contributions.

This year’s election cycle political campaigns marks a watershed of sorts. far removed from any More money from fewer Americans will have discussion of the urgent issues of the day. This been contributed in record amounts in the is a danger the Founding Fathers ultimately sought to prevent as part of our political process. race for the White House, as well as for those affecting congressional districts and stateOur struggle ought to be about hearing all Have a comment? houses, by the time the results are in.

Express your views voices in our national political life. It’s essenReforms that will restore our democracy will in 350 words on tial we return to effective campaign-finance a local topic reform, not to limit free speech and participatake courage. Like the mutually assured destrucof interest. tion in the process, but to clear the path to tion of the Cold War, however, it takes one side Send an e-mail to to make the first move to begin to undo scenarios vigorous debate; to allow for the struggle of editorial@ where everyone loses. To do anything less risks newsreview.com. ideas; and ultimately to develop policies and Ω programs that benefit everyone in this country. the survival of our democracy.

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Yes on 37 It’s simple, really: A company should not be allowed to label a food product “natural” if it contains genetically modified organisms.

This is why Californians should lead the way— again—and vote yes on Proposition 37, the Mandatory Labeling of Genetically Engineered Food Initiative, which would require notice on foods made with plants or animals that have been genetically altered.

The law would also stop companies from calling food “natural” if it isn’t.

More and more Americans are eating healthier.

And they want to know what exactly is in the food that they A company should put into their bodies.

Yes, Prop. 37 allows for not be allowed to certain exemptions that, in time, label a food product could be exploited by businesses trying to sidestep labeling. But at “natural” if it the end of the day, people should contains genetically know what’s in their food.

Companies such as Monsanto, modified organisms.

General Mills, PepsiCo, The Coca-Cola Company and others shouldn’t hide ingredients from consumers. But those companies and dozens more have donated some $25 million to the No on 37 effort (see “Who’s who of Prop. 37” by Christine G.K. LaPado-Breglia, SN&R Green Days, page 15). This is not to mention Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods Markets, who haven’t donated to the yes or no side—but should weigh in on the debate, since a huge chunk of their profits comes from the natural-foods industry.

SN&R encourages them and voters to join the yes-on-37 team. Ω

Robin Hood in reverse Here’s what you should know about the Romney-Ryan budget plan: It doesn’t do what it claims to do, which is reduce the deficit.

In fact, it won’t even balance the budget in the next 25 years. But it will devastate services the poor and the elderly depend on, such as Medicare, Medicaid and food stamps. And increase taxes on the middle class while cutting taxes on the wealthy.

You think Mitt Romney’s 13.9-percent tax payment is too low? Under the Romney-Ryan plan, it would be less than 1 percent. That’s because the plan eliminates taxes on capital gains, including the so-called “carried interest” on investment profits, the source of most of Romney’s vast wealth.

In other words, the plan is Robin Hood in reverse, a con game that, in the name of prosperity, takes from the poor and gives to the rich, who already have the greatest share of wealth.

The Romney-Ryan plan is, of course, indefensible—so instead, the candidates are attacking President Barack Obama, charging he’s “cutting Medicare” and taking money from seniors’ pockets. This is false, and they know it. Just as they know their charges about the president’s welfare-to-work proposals are false.

Mitt Romney has no ideas of his own. And our guess is that President Obama is looking forward to his debates with Romney: It’s harder to lie about your opponent when he’s standing on the same stage. Ω | A F T E R | 09.06.12

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FIRE! ZOMBIES! ALIEN INVASION! DON’T LAUGH— EXPERTS EXPLAIN HOW IT COULD HAPPEN TO US.

by KEL MUNGER kelm@newsreview.com

18 | SN&R | 09.06.12

illustrations by MCKY

Warning:

Sacramento iS going to bite the duSt. big-time.

Think ruined. Midtown J Street—empty. The Capitol?

Blown up. The freeway overpasses?

Buried in a drift of volcanic ash.

Tower Bridge? Annihilated by a blazing asteroid. Power Balance Pavilion? Finally destroyed for good, thanks to massive flooding.

Is it the end of the world as we know it? Some, after all, believe the apocalypse is nigh, scheduled for December 21, as the Mayans reportedly once predicted.

Maybe, but maybe not. Planets die and, at some point, the Earth will meet its end and may finally encounter a meteorite big enough to do more than create a huge hole and mass extinction, or it may get fried to a crisp and consumed when the sun expands outward before finally kicking the solar bucket, but it will be done.

Over. Kaput. Toast.

It’s what might happen closer to home that worries us, however. As it turns out, cities are a lot easier to destroy than planets—in fact, they’re a lot like people that way: easy come, easy go. Take a look at Pompeii, Italy. One belch from the right volcano, and it’s an archaeological site instead of a metropolis.

Who knows when Sac’s time will finally come, but the following are 13 unlucky ways we could find ourselves deader than Midtown 30 years ago—as well as some expert opinions on just how likely such scenarios really are.

But whether we’re talking grim realities or remote possibilities, rest assured, Sacramento really will meet its maker.

The question isn’t if, it’s how.

This chance for mass burning is solid. Take, for example, what might happen if two fairly sizable fires meet in an Elk Grove neighborhood.

Flames licking at the shingle roof on an older home—not to mention those surrounding brittle trees?

Whoosh—there goes the subdivision, down like a fiery ring of dominoes.

Factor in warm, steady winds and air so smoky it resembles a toxic brown soup—it may take a couple of days, but as the fire spreads, the destruction could be devastating, not just to one street or neighborhood but, eventually, to the entire region.

How likely is such a scenario?

Bottom line: Malcolm North, a research plant ecologist with the United States Department of Agriculture and professor of forest ecology at UC Davis, thinks it’s possible, if not exactly probable.

But, he said, if firefighting forces were depleted and flames started torching homes in high winds, it could happen.

“Homes are great fuel sources and actually drove most of the structure loss in Angora,” North said of the 2007 Lake Tahoe-area fire that blazed through thousands of acres, destroying hundreds of homes and commercial structures.

“Your neighborhood is only as safe as its weakest link,” he said.

“Once one home really gets going in high winds, it can combust adjacent homes.”

That said, it’s still more apt to happen in a place surrounded by forests—the foothills and Sierra Nevada communities—rather than grasslands, such as those around Sacramento.

“It’s pretty unlikely,” North said, citing the presence of water and bypasses as firebreaks in particular as part of the city’s safety net.

But still.

“It’s certainly possible,” he said. “[It] probably has a higher probability than the zombie apocalypse.”

2

Don’t let the bioterrorists Win Congrats. You’ve been bioterrorized, as have a number of other recipients of snail mail, including SN&R. Twice.

Imagine this scene: A piece of mail is delivered to your cubicle. Routine, right? Yes, but then you drive the letter opener into the envelope, and white powder sprays out all over your desk. Inside, there’s a note claiming

1

continued on page 21

“sacto bites it”

ring of superfire Leaping fireballs and thick, acrid smoke have cut a path across a giant swath of the region, from Elk Grove to Natomas. The city looks—and smells—like a giant barbecue pit.

That’s what a firestorm, a.k.a. a superfire, just might do to Sac one day.

Anything’s possible, and not just because future local budgets could leave some fire stations on brownouts. No, the real cause will be increasingly high temperatures and an extended drought that will desiccate our already arid climate.

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AttAck of the plAnet killers!

Here’s what we know: NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory studies asteroids—called “near-Earth objects” or NEOs—and is on the lookout for danger and any NEO with a probability of striking Earth that’s greater than 1 in 100 million.

An asteroid the size of a football field or smaller would do little damage—they usually break up in the atmosphere. But occasionally, a massive one gets through. Then you have incidents such as the 1908 meteorite impact at Tunguska in Siberia, which leveled a forest for about 800 square miles.

Or, to put it in simpler terms: A meteorite the size of a house could

4 Blow your top It’s snowing in Sacramento! That’s a rare thing—but, hey, wait a minute. That’s not snow: It’s a light-gray ash floating in on the tremors from that little earthquake that just shook the region. And it’s what could happen if Yosemite National Park’s Long Valley Caldera, a geologically active supervolcano, finally wakes up from its long afternoon nap.

It’d be pretty bad—but take comfort knowing things can always get worse. When the Long Valley Caldera quite literally blew its top 760,000 years ago, for example, the experience was similar to the 1991 explosion of Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines. The big one at Long Valley in pre-prehistory spewed an eruption cloud of gas, ash, dust and rock 30,000 feet into the air.

Worst case? Sacramento escapes the brunt of it and “only” suffers three quarters of an inch of ash and particles before the wind shifts and dumps it on Reno, Nev. Still, you can forget about traveling. Not only would the incident shut down the airport, cars would have a hell of a time trying to drive through this dark, heavy snowfall.

Volcanic ash traveling through a car’s air-intake systems typically results in, well, a dead car.

Not quite the apocalypse, granted, but the Long Valley Caldera is just one of the volcanoes that rings Sacramento. There’s also a volcano at Clear Lake, plus the entire chain of geologically active mountains that stretch from Lassen Peak to Mount Shasta.

And what if more than one erupted?

That’s “extremely unlikely,” according to Margaret T. Mangan, scientist-in-chief at the United States Geological Survey’s California Volcano Observatory in Menlo Park.

“The volcanoes are not linked in the subsurface, and each act independently of one another,” she said.

In fact, a catastrophic eruption like the one that formed the Long Valley Caldera is, according to Mangan, “very rare.” A similarly sized eruption in California, either in the Long Valley area, or at one of the other volcanoes in the state, is extremely unlikely.

And we’d have a little bit of warning first, too, thanks to sensors and other valuable technologies.

“Unlike earthquakes, volcanic eruptions are usually preceded by measurable disturbances, including ground deformation, volcanic-type earthquakes and gas emissions,” Mangan said.

But if it did happen, the ash— not lava—would be our biggest concern.

“The main impact to Sacramento from any future eruption is likely to be disruption of air traffic over California, due to drifting ash clouds at high altitude,” Mangan said.

5

A plAgue upon your city No, not the plague, but a plague. One of the problems we’re facing now, often as a result of climate change, are emerging diseases. A new strain of flu—which, at its worst in 1918, had a mortality rate of about 25 percent— won’t kill a city, though it will place incredible stress upon its resources.

No, to kill the city we’d need a disease with a mortality rate closer to 65 or 70 percent—in the range of, say, the Ebola virus—and with an incubation period long enough to prevent containment measures and quarantine from working.

While Chris Andis, a press representative for the Sacramento County Department of Public Health, declined to speculate on the probability of these kinds of epidemic disasters because it would be too “difficult,” she referred us to the CDC’s Zombie Preparedness site (www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm).

Apparently, being ready for zombies is pretty much the same thing as being ready for Ebola.

6

climAte chAnge—or ApocAlypse yAwn No, we’re not kidding. Climate change could kill Sacramento in a number of ways—loss of food, increased damage and mortality from severe weather, increased sources and severity of infectious diseases like West Nile virus—but it will be a very slow apocalypse.

Boring, even. Sort of like the one the whole planet is experiencing.

Given that we’re not doing much to stop or mitigate it, climate change is the inevitable slo-mo train wreck for human culture.

For a pessimistic view, read anything by James Howard Kunstler—who once told SN&R that Sacramento might do well, given our port, farmlands and water, if we can keep Southern California’s drought-mad, hungry hordes at bay (see “Questions for Kunstler,” SN&R Feature Story; January 26, 2006).

“The best thing, though, is that you’ve got water,” Kunstler said.

“Los Angeles is going to be hurting on that one. The whole south state is going to be in agony. And they may just decide to come up and take what you’ve got.”

7

Alien invAsion!

We won’t recognize these aliens.

That’s because we’re looking for the guy with three eyes, or maybe that slimy, toothy, pointy-headed thing popping out of somebody’s chest, or the flying saucer parked on the Tower Bridge.

Instead, we’ll probably write it off as a variant on the flu, or maybe some strange mutation of West Nile virus.

It could start when some rock enthusiast picks up a piece of what looks like pumice on a hike in the foothills, brings it home, and then accidentally drops and cracks it. No biggie—until our rock hound starts running a fever and develops a weird, reddish-purple rash. Everyone this person touches (or has touched in the days before the symptoms show up) will get it, too, and then pass it on to other people and animals.

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You can blame the rock—but this isn’t just any old chunk of earth or meteorite; this rock was made by someone. Someone not from around here.

This rock contains microbes, and in the microbes’ DNA is a message—a greeting card from across the galaxy, with entire cultures encoded for our reading enjoyment.

Could this happen, or is this just some bad science fiction?

Yes and yes. According to Albert Harrison, professor of psychology at UC Davis, there may very well be intelligent life out there interested in communicating with us, but they’re not very likely to show up—or to send a greeting card with a bug in it.

“Because of the distances involved, the likelihood of actual physical interaction with other life-forms is almost nonexistent,” Harrison said.

While Harrison does believe that there’s a chance we’ll eventually find evidence of life elsewhere, we won’t have to worry about rampaging aliens or their viruses.

Rather, contact via technology is much more likely.

“Because of the distances involved, the likelihood of actual physical interaction with other lifeforms is almost nonexistent.”

Albert harrison professor of psychology UC Davis “If you spotted microwaves or lasers, that’s technology that we would know came from intelligence,” Harrison said. “It’s less likely, though, not inconceivable, that a probe could enter the solar system. We’re getting very good at it, so I don’t see why others might not also have that capability.”

continued on page 22

3

wipe out the region—from Raley Field in West Sacramento to Folsom Dam—with immediate, deadly impact.

Even Bruce Willis can’t save us from a massive meteorite strike. All he’d manage to do, according to a study released last month by a group of graduate students at England’s University of Leicester, is create a bunch of radioactive little meteorites to smash us up and set off Geiger counters for generations.

If the meteorite’s a total planet killer, what comes after doesn’t matter. The alternative’s not exactly reassuring—if the meteorite’s not an immediate planet smasher and doesn’t burn up in the atmosphere, well, we may never know what hit us.

“sActo Bites it”

continued from page 19

“sActo Bites it”

that the substance is anthrax—even though it resembles cane sugar.

But this isn’t the sweet stuff (and for the record, neither was the “aerosolized anthrax” SN&R received in the mail 2007). As FBI agents told the paper then, such deadly agents are both hard to get and hard to handle. It takes an expert, and weaponized anthrax has identifiable markers that can be tracked to the lab from which it originated.

No, the real bioterrorism threat would involve releasing a deadly infectious agent in a crowded place—a method that would, in effect, turn people into carriers of destruction, spreading the material as they went about their daily business.

Think about it: It would take just one person, incubating a disease as his flight hurtled toward Sacramento International Airport, to eventually infect passengers all over the city— not to mention the world.

All right, so that’s not terribly likely, either, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Such a biological agent would be noticeable—and make those exposed terribly sick—so quickly that the agencies responsible for stopping it— the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, for one—would, in theory at least, be able to contain it before it spread. What is likely? Colds, flu and the norovirus—which probably won’t kill you, but might make you wish it would while you’re throwing up.

So, you know, relax.

09.06.12 | SN&R | 21

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“sacTo biTes iT”

8

The real zombie apocalypse

No, really.

Don’t blame the bath salts.

Blame the parasitic phorid fly.

Over at San Francisco State University, researchers discovered this little bug that turns honeybees into zombies before killing them dead.

The details are explained, exhaustively, in a study, “A New Threat to Honeybees, the Parasitic Phorid Fly Apocephalus borealis,” published in PLOS One, a peer-reviewed online science journal.

The quick-and-dirty explanation: Without honeybees, there’ll be much less food. Not scared yet? The honeybees are already in trouble, thanks to colony-collapse disorder, the phenomenon in which worker bees from a beehive suddenly vanish. Because of zombie bees—and other bee losses—we’ll have less food.

And when we get hungry enough, we’ll eat each other. Convoluted, yes, but there you have it.

OK, maybe calling it a zombie apocalypse is a stretch, but the health of bees is critical to the health of people. Since the zombie bees have been spotted all over Northern California, we’d like to suggest becoming a citizen scientist and helping the actual scientists at ZomBee Watch (www.zombeewatch.org) as it monitors this threat.

9

DelTa breeze = nukeD! Yes, nuclear weapons still remain a big enough threat to worry about. A small nuclear device would wipe the city off the map; a big one would take out the entire area.

Fortunately, it’s not very likely at all.

Despite fears to the contrary, nuclear weapons remain the domain of nations. Some of those nations are certainly terrorists, but Sacramento’s probably pretty low on their list of targets. Nuclear annihilation may still be possible, but we won’t be the first to go.

Of course, there’s still fallout, and if San Francisco gets hit, we’ll have both invisible radioactive particles dropping on our heads and traumatized survivors on our doorstep.

But, according to the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the biggest danger is downwind, and 80 percent of the fallout occurs in the first 24 hours. Basically, if there’s a Delta breeze for the first day after the bomb hits, we’re in trouble. But FEMA recommends taking to shelter and keeping the radio on the emergency frequency for further instructions.

Makes you feel really safe, right?

22 | SN&R | 09.06.12

10

Don’T blame iT on The rain Picture this: A train of storms floods Sacramento’s low-lying areas—and more than a few basements. But this time, it won’t just be Natomas or the Pocket Area under water: The Tower Theater will be up to its marquee in puddles, McKinley Park will resemble a marshy swamp and Cal Expo will be little more than a giant swimming pool.

Oh, and don’t forget Midtown—all that water will lap at the steps of high-water bungalows, effectively turning the grid into a lake.

And the water won’t be the worst of it.

Sure, the leaves always block the drains in Boulevard Park, but in this future watery Sacramento, the city will be overwhelmed with rain, deadly runoff and an overworked levee system.

“We’ll be seeing the judgment of Revelation come upon the eaRth— shoRtages of food, seas tuRning to blood. i Would expect to see those things happen liteRally, not figuRatively.” ken birks pastor The Rock of Roseville Local meteorologists will have a field day. So will apocalypse junkies who will recognize this potential Sac destroyer as the USGS’s hypothetical ARkStorm—a.k.a. the Atmospheric River 1000 Storm.

The ARkStorm (yes, its name echoes the Old Testament’s Noah’s ark parable) is a potential superstorm that could cause up to an estimated $725 billion in damages and repair, affecting more than 25 percent of California homes, according to the USGS. But you can’t just blame it on the rain.

Water from the drain backup could make it impossible to escape—not to mention the potentially deadly consequences of a city “protected” by unsound levees.

While it’s extremely unlikely that more than one levee will break—simply because a break in one spot relieves pressure on the rest of the system—a recent report from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is hardly reassuring: 40 miles of levees around Sacramento don’t meet federal maintenance criteria.

Never mind that this means our levees are ineligible for federal funds should they be damaged in a storm. The point is this: They’re not up to the job in the first place.

The aftermath of an apocalyptic storm and flood combination would be devastating. In the case of New Orleans, according to U.S. Census Bureau numbers, roughly one-third of the city’s residents did not return after Hurricane Katrina hit that city in 2005.

A rising river and muddy, unstable levees would attack Sacramento’s flood protection from both sides. One levee break is catastrophic. Two seems unthinkable.

Three? Well, that’s apocalyptic.

evolve and adapt like actual organic viruses,” Gordon said. “It is conceivable that an adaptive virus could someday become sophisticated enough to bring down a large portion of the Web.” Whether such a virus was built to terrorize or evolved on its own, Gordon thinks “that would qualify as a sort of robot apocalypse.”

Then, there’s the “[technological] singularity.” It started as a science-fiction term referring to the rate at which intelligent technology advances, Gordon said.

12

toxic shock This is another in those so-obviousyou-can’t-believe-it apocalypse possibilities. With all the crap we’ve added to not just the planet but our houses, offices, schools and homes, how likely is it that we’re killing ourselves? There are numerous studies

Face it: Humans tend to ignore long-term consequences, which makes this sort of apocalypse very likely.

It won’t kill off the city overnight; instead, we’ll just waste away. But at least the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency makes it possible for us to check on our own environment—right down to the ZIP code— with its Envirofacts website at www. epa.gov/enviro. On the site, explore the environmental toxicity status of your own air, water, soil—even radiation.

11 Rage in the machine Glitches. That’s what we might think is happening at first. It’s just some weird malfunction, a temporary power surge, a batch of bad chips from the Intel factory.

But after the ATMs spit receipts but no money and the iPods play the same song 16 freakin’ times in a row, you’ll realize this: The machines are trying to kill you.

They run you down like a crazy driver on Arden Way. Attack you on Highway 50. Bulldoze you right out of that post-bender stupor at Sacramento State University.

The scenario is, actually, not that far-fetched.

Indeed, the idea of a robot apocalypse “is becoming more and more interesting with each passing year,” said V. Scott Gordon, professor of computer science at Sac State. “And, yes, by increasingly interesting, I mean increasingly plausible, in one form or another.”

In fact, Gordon points to the Internet as proof.

“If the Web were to suddenly shut down, the effects would be nothing short of catastrophic,” he said.

For all practical purposes, business and industry could come to a grinding halt because of the necessity of a working Web to conduct transactions.

And, Gordon added, “Most financial systems have no backup plan for what to do if the Web were to become unavailable.”

The good news, he pointed out, is that the Web is so widely distributed that the whole thing is “very unlikely” to all go down at once.

Unless?

“Computer viruses are becoming increasingly sophisticated, and some have even been written to

“The idea is that if machine intelligence ever exceeds human intelligence, then it follows that those machines could repeat the process and make even better machines,” he said.

In other words, machines might enslave us, try to replicate us, use us for batteries or, simply, exterminate us.

“This intelligence explosion would quickly render us irrelevant, with unpredictable and scary possibilities.”

reporting that the water contains gender-altering substances, changing the sex of fish and frogs. Then there’s last year’s Finnish study, “Recent Adverse Trends in Semen Quality and Testis Cancer Incidence Among Finnish Men,” which reports that sperm counts have dropped precipitously in recent years. Concern about the hormone-mimicking effects of bisphenol A, used in plastic food packaging and baby bottles for 40 years, has led to consumer warnings and—in California—limiting its use.

But what if our own industry creates an environment so toxic that we can’t even reproduce?

13 at long last, the RaptuRe It could all finally go down something like this: You’re sitting in Temple Coffee downtown, finishing off your third Americano decaf, which means, naturally, that you’ll need to visit the bathroom.

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When you return, however, the café is an entirely different place— largely deserted, except for a few confused-looking people and piles of left-behind clothes and shoes.

That’s right. It’s the rapture.

The rapture, as explained in some Christian doctrines, results in the instant disappearance of every true Christian as they join Jesus Christ in heaven.

The rest of us? We’re left to deal with the aftermath when the antichrist arises and takes power over the whole world.

And don’t forget all the unholy things that will follow: famines, plagues, oceans turned to blood, earthquakes, stinging locusts with the heads of men and sudden darkness over the Earth. Oh, and then Jesus comes back and sends all the unbelievers to hell.

It’s going to be really, really bad.

This rapture described in Tim LaHaye’s best-selling Left Behind novels probably isn’t how it will play out. In fact, there are a boatload of rapture believers who don’t think this is the likely scenario (not to mention an even larger group of Christians who don’t buy into rapture theology at all).

Still, there are a significant number of local Christians who think the rapture will happen—even if it doesn’t exactly resemble the above scenario.

Ken Birks, a pastor at The Rock of Roseville, calls it just a matter of time.

“For the church, it will be one of the greatest times,” he said. “I believe we will rise and shine.”

But for everybody else? Not so good.

“We’ll be seeing the judgment of Revelation come upon the Earth,” Birks said. “Shortages of food, seas turning to blood. I would expect to see those things happen literally, not figuratively.”

But as for it happening any time soon—much less a schedule predicted by self-proclaimed prophets such as the Rev. Harold Camping, who predicted the end times would arrive in spring of 2011?

“Not going to happen,” Birks said. “Nobody knows the date. The Bible specifically says that no one will know the day or the hour.”

Still, Birks understands our fascination with the subject.

“Every generation thinks the Bible is talking about them,” he said.

“When you look at the world, you wonder, how much farther could it really go? I don’t know that we are, but looking at things now, we could be the generation.”

For links to sources and more from the experts, see the online version of this story.

09.06.12 | SN&R | 23

EVERYBODY’S GOT PROBLEMS. You’re not alone. There’s someone out there you can talk to. Maybe somebody needs your help. Feeling better starts with reaching out.

Join the conversation at ReachOutHere.com Funded by the voter approved Mental Health Services Act (Prop 63).

24 | SN&R | 09.06.12

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ARTS&CULTURE

A COMIC WALKS INTO A FESTIVAL ...

Local comedians share laughs, opportunities—and maybe the occasional fight—at this week’s Sacramento Comedy Festival

by Steph Rodriguez

W

Hey there, funny face: Sacramento Comedy Festival director Brian Crall says the local comedy scene is thriving.

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HETHER YOU PREFER a witty one-liner, a clever delivery or being politically challenged with a side of comedic relief, Sacramento’s comedy scene has it covered. Between sketch-comedy troupes, improv sets and a growing number of cafes and coffee shops catering to stand-up, comedy is at an all-time high in Sactown. Although many local comics say the scene is ever fluctuating, one could argue that despite—or perhaps thanks to—the late nights, unexpected opportunities and occasional bar fights, it’s the ones behind the mic getting the last laugh at this year’s Sacramento Comedy Festival, an epic eight-day event that kicks off Friday, September 7, and plays host to more than 120 local and out-oftown comics at Luna’s Café & Juice Bar and the Sacramento Comedy Spot.

Festival director Brian Crall, who also owns the Comedy Spot, says he believes the scene is thriving.

“I’m able to scrape by off of comedy,” Crall says. “I love being able to perform three or four nights a week. It’s like being able to play in your little sandbox every week and have a good time.”

The good times are evident on a recent Tuesday evening during Ray Molina’s sketch-comedy night Comedy Space, held weekly at the Comedy Spot.

Inside the 80-seat space, a black stage with red theater curtains welcomes a modest-sized audience. They’re greeted by a certain Sacramento-area artist-atlarge, Skinner, who stands onstage, wailing on a guitar as the lights dim and fade in time to his metalesque squeals.

photos by Taras Garcia

Molina eventually enters the scene, sarcastically pushing the artist offstage and out of sight. As the guitar notes still echo loudly from backstage, the chuckling audience bursts into full applause.

In the beginning of his now six-year run in the industry, Molina says he didn’t want to perform; he wanted to write. Not surprisingly then, his routine is filled with a handful of original sketches—bits often sprinkled with minutes of stand-up and dry-humored witticisms—before he yields the stage to both local and out-of-town personalities. Despite his near-veteran status, however, Molina says he only recently experienced the sort of pure enjoyment he often witnesses on the faces of fellow comedians.

“I never got a rush,” explains Molina. “I used to be really shy, and I didn’t like big crowds, but about a week ago, I did this show and enjoyed it.”

The timing couldn’t be better, he adds.

“I’m trying to reach the greatest demographic that I can reach and have something to say,” Molina explains.

As Molina worked to get over his dislike of big crowds, friend and fellow comedian Cheryl Anderson—a.k.a.

Cheryl the Soccer Mom—nursed her phobia of public speaking with standup. She remembers six years ago telling her husband and two daughters she was “going to Target.” In reality, however, the Soccer Mom was regularly escaping the house to attend various open-mic nights scattered throughout the region.

Sneak into a studio See SECOND SATURDAY

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Sour beer breath See BREW THE RIGHT THING

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Damage control See ASK JOEY

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Go green See MUSIC

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The elephant man See 15 MINUTES

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Local comedians such as (left) Cheryl “the Soccer Mom” Anderson and Johnny Taylor regularly brave open-mics—and the occasional heckler—to try out new material and build a fan base.

Weird Al of hip-hop?

These days, the blond soft-spoken comic has long come clean to her family about her love affair with all things funny.

She appears regularly on Good Day Sacramento with her all-female comedy troupe, the Real Housewives of Rio Linda, and recently flew to Orlando, Fla., to tape a segment on a new Nickelodeon show NickMom Night Out with comedienne Caroline Rhea.

The spin to Anderson’s appeal is her set’s content, a mix of lighthearted jokes—such as the one about discovering the definition of the acronym “MILF”— as well as bits on tossed salads and Martha Stewart.

But she says it wasn’t until she saw an audience member slap a table with laughter that the Soccer Mom (who really does drive a minivan, by the way) felt her own moment of enjoyment in an industry she once kept as her dirty little secret.

“Being able to get a physical reaction from people just with words—it’s like an explosion,” she says. “People will literally fall on the floor. That much power is amazing.”

In comedy there aren’t, of course, just the knee-slappers—there are tough crowds, too: the occasional lone, stonefaced audience members who won’t crack a smile. Perhaps worse are the obnoxiously vocal hecklers.

For stand-up comedian Keith Lowell Jensen, a trip up north to perform in Blue Lake, Calif., at the Mad River Summerfest, started off with a joke like this: “Summerfest, huh? Kinda like a whitepower Burning Man,” laughs Jensen retelling the story at a Midtown coffee BEFORE

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FRONTLINES

shop. “The promoter said I had more people coming up to him with compliments than any other comics and more complaints.”

Jensen, whose material highlights personal stories of losing faith and finding atheism, often challenges an audience to laugh at their surroundings. However, Jensen along with friend and Sacramento comedian Johnny Taylor, says he found that to be an impossible task while performing at the Mad River Brewery Company during a show in which patrons shouted insults from the bar in an attempt to interrupt each comic’s set. The festivities peaked with Jensen yelling at the hecklers, effectively ending the night.

“I LOVE BEING ABLE TO PERFORM THREE OR FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK [IN SACRAMENTO]. IT’S LIKE BEING ABLE TO PLAY IN YOUR LITTLE SANDBOX EVERY WEEK.” Brian Crall director Sacramento Comedy Festival Despite the occasional rough performace, however, both comedians keep busy. Jensen is set to release his third comedy album this fall with Stand Up! Records (the disc is currently untitled—he’s leaning toward Elf Orgy, but stay tuned). Meanwhile, Taylor, with two years and counting in comedy, says he’s looking forward to a Punch Line Comedy Club stint, opening for Brian |

FEATURE

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Posehn, a former Sacramento comic who now appears regularly on TV. Taylor says he enjoys not just performing, but also connecting with the audience.

“I like the connection you make with people. I find it really cathartic,” Taylor says. “When you’re performing, you’re not completely you. But my material is really personal, so I want [the audience] to get a sense of who I am.”

Of course, it’s not just about the audience—connecting with fellow comedians is also key.

Such networking is in effect on a recent Wednesday night at Luna’s Café during the restaurant’s weekly comedy night hosted

by Jensen.

On this particular evening Taylor, along with a handful of other performers, stand outside joking, swapping stories and debating whether it’s worth it to make the drive to San Francisco to perform a Sunday-night show.

“It’s insane the number of rooms we have [in Sacramento] now, the opportunities for stage time,” Jensen says.

Of course, with opportunity come a few friendly rivalries. Most of the comics on the scene are friends—but they’re also each other’s competition.

It’s no worries, the way Jensen sees it.

There’s always room for a little healthy, funny rivalry.

“Comedy is exploding again, and I’m glad Sacramento’s a part of it.” Ω The Sacramento Comedy Festival runs Friday, September 7, through Saturday, September 15. An all-events pass costs $55. For information on events, venues and single-show tickets, visit www.saccomedyfest.com.

A RT S & C U LT U R E

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AFTER

When Turquoise Jeep came ridin’ into Sacramento on Thursday, August 30, many still questioned whether it was all a big joke. Even after 9 million YouTube hits for the band’s most popular song, “Lemme Smang It,” it’s still unclear whether the over-the-top hip-hop artists planted their tongues in cheeks before taking the stage at Ace of Spades.

Amid big beats and bigger dance moves, a couple hundred fans freaked on the dance floor, but even in the presence of the band, many seemed to be unsure if they were there for the music or the punch line.

Turquoise Jeep, whose members include Flynt Flossy, Whatchyamacallit, Yung Humma, Pretty Raheem, Slick Mahony and Tummiscratch, takes the oddities of rap and turns them up to 11. With gimmicks such as Flossy’s Groucho-like mustache and Yung Humma’s incorporation of the oh-too-familiar moanhum of hip-hop into his name—“Mmm, Yung Humma”— as well as physics-defying dance moves and their songs’ sexual subject matter, everything they do is taken to silly extremes. Turquoise Jeep is just one stop short of becoming the Weird Al Yankovic of the hip-hop world.

The band’s music videos are low-budget, greenscreen dance fests that aim to further prove that any innuendos within its lyrics are so thinly concealed as to no longer classify as innuendos. “Cavities” is a between-thesheets slow jam that is not about proper dental hygiene. Lyrics such as, “You’ve got that chocolate fever / Feigning for a Hershey dose / I got that remedy / An ounce of me / So open up wide for these cavities,” offer the oral proof of innuendo, but the video also features a close-up shot of a pair of bikini-clad breasts as the lady runs a Hershey bar between her cleavage— don’t forget that T.J. is so sexually proficient, it had to invent a new word for its style of lovemaking, smang: it’s a smash and bang fusion.

While the Jeep may be flamboyant and flashy to the Confess: Flynt Flossy is point of absurdity, it’s still your favorite rapper. completely believable in the current world of hip-hop and rap. So, in the end, we’re left to question whether its music is satire or just the natural peak of hip-hop’s current hypersexual hyperbole.

Still, all of this would be intellectual masturbation if their music, well, sucked. The Ace of Spades show proved that Turquoise Jeep could blow the roof off of a club. Taking the “it’s true ’cause we say it is” approach, the members of T.J. act like high-budget mega superstars and sex symbols, and the crowd gladly plays along, because they sell it so well.

Even if T.J. is parodying its genre, it’s putting out music with better beats and hooks and more intelligent lyrics than Lil Wayne and the clones that flood the market. If a few of the opening acts at Ace of Spades that night were any indication—one group was so incomprehensible, it was almost laughed off of the stage—Turquoise Jeep are the rappers that the world needs. Such opulent absurdity seems the perfect vessel to satirize the often outlandish hip-hop atmosphere, but who cares?

In the end, we all just love to dance. “Clap, clap, clap. Clap, clap, snap,” indeed.

–Matthew Craggs |

09. 06.12

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Jolt of emotion Gale Hart is working on a secret. In her studio, she points out the framework of a large piece that she wants under wraps until the opening of what she calls her “epic show” at Elliott Fouts Gallery this month, Show Some Emotion. What she good-humoredly doesn’t mind sharing is that it’s less than a week before she installs the show, and the piece is only halfway done.

Inspired by the zero-to-10-rating emoticon pain scale a hospital showed her to quantify her hurt after a pelvis-breaking-skateboarding accident, many of Hart’s metal sculptures and paintings contain a combination of graffiti-style renderings and her signature clean minimalism with cartoonlike little creatures in distress; simple, round, often grimacing or sad faces, many of which have the massive ears of that famous Disney mouse—a recurring character in her work, because “people have a real affiliation with Mickey Mouse, and its bothersome to people” to see him dismembered, she explained.

And that’s what Hart’s mission is: for the viewer to have an emotional response to her work, to begin a dialogue about the themes of helmet and gun safety, and animal cruelty, and the desensitization of humans.

An artist talk at the gallery on Thursday, September 13, will include the executive director of Grass Valley’s Animal Place animal sanctuary.

See more of Hart’s work, variations of a silhouetted woman wielding an ax in “Attack on Habitat,” addressing human aggression in a concurrent display at University Art (2601 J Street).

“Mickey, stop!” by Gale Hart, acrylic on canvas, 2012.

Where: Elliott Fouts Gallery, 1831 P Street; (916) 736-1429; www.efgallery.com.

Second Saturday recep tion: September 8, 5:30-9 p.m. Through October 4.

Artist t alk: With guest Kim Sturla, executive director of Animal Place, Thursday, September 13, 6-8 p.m.

Hours: Tuesday through Friday, 11 a.m.-6 p.m.; Saturday through Sunday, 11 a.m.-4 p.m.

Sneak a peek at local artists’ work this month.

Head obsessed Since 2010, K Chesebro has been blogging his successes and missteps in painting at K Chesebro Is Obsessed With Art (http://obsessed-withart.blogspot.com). He expresses his disappointment—“I have been unhappy with a lot of my recent work ... it is OK...it happens”—and his enthusiasm— “Painting heads is an addiction to me.” While he favors painting portraits, he shares still lifes, landscapes and other figurative studies he’s done, too. One of his strongest portraits is of a young man in brown hat and crimson scarf, posted on February 28, 2011, that depicts lovely lighting illuminating his blue iris and an unfinished edge, giving the subject suggested motion and life. The artist will show a collection of his portraits—and maybe even this one—in Head Hunting at Capital ArtWorks.

Wh ere: Capital ArtWorks, 1215 21st Street; (916) 207-3787; www.capital-artworks.com.

Second Saturday recept ion: September 8, 6-9 p.m.

Through November 3.

BEFORE

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Sneak into a studio So who’s creative personal space will you invade? For the next two weekends, you are welcome to visit the places where your favorite local artists give birth to fine art during the Capital Artists’ Studio Tour. This annual event happens September 8 and 9, and September 15 and 16. There’s no cost to visit any of the studios, but if you fall in love with a piece of art along the way, don’t let a few bucks let that love be unrequited.

Visit the Center for Contemporary Art, Sacramento’s website at http://ccasac.org/cast to download a CAST guide that lists participating artists and studio locations, or for a list of businesses to pick up a hard copy.

With more than 100 artists on the roster, it’s a good thing it’s spread out over two weekends.

Where: Various locations, http://ccasac.org/cast.

When: Saturday and Sunday, September 8-9; Saturday and Sunday, September 15-16.

A portrait by K Chesebro, oil, 2012.

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inconspicuous places September 12

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MIDTOWN 1 ALEX BULT GALLERY 1114 21st St., (916) 476-5540, www.alexbultgallery.com

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2 ART STUDIOS 1727 I St., behind Michaelangelo’s; (916) 444-2233

3 ARTFOX GALLERY 2213 N St., Ste. B; (916) 835-1718; www.artfox.us

4 AXIS GALLERY 1517 19th St., (916) 443-9900, www.axisgallery.org

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Palo Alto 30

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Sacramento

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8 BLUE LAMP 1400 Alhambra Blvd., (916) 455-3400, www.bluelamp.com

9 BOWS & ARROWS 1815 19th St., (916) 822-5668, www.bowscollective.com

10 CAPITAL ARTWORKS 1215 21st St., Ste. B; (916) 207-3787; www.capitalartworks.com

11 CENTER FOR CONTEMPORARY ART, SACRAMENTO 1519 19th St., (916) 498-9811, www.ccasac.org

12 CUFFS 2523 J St., (916) 443-2881, www.shopcuffs.com

13 DEEP ART AND YOGA 2030 H St., (916) 470-9959, www.deepartandyoga.com

14 ELLIOTT FOUTS GALLERY 1831 P St., (916) 446-1786, www.efgallery.com

15 GALLERY 2110 2110 K St., (916) 501-3455, www.gallery2110.com

16 INTEGRATE 1529 28th St., (916) 594-9579, http://integrateservicessacramento. blogspot.com

17 KENNEDY GALLERY 1114 20th St., (916) 446-1522, www.kennedygallerysac.com

18 LITTLE RELICS 908 21st St., (916) 716-2319, www.littlerelics.com

19 MIDTOWN FRAMING & GALLERY 1005 22nd St., (916) 447-7558, www.midtownframing.com

20 OLD SOUL CO. 1716 L St., (916) 443-7685, www.oldsoulco.com

21 PHONO SELECT 2312 K St., (916) 400-3164, www.phonoselect.com

22 SACRAMENTO ART COMPLEX 2110 K St., Ste. 4; (916) 501-3455; www.sacramentoartcomplex.com

Sacramento Vedanta Reading Group

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For more information please see www.SacVRG.org

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St., (916) 444-7125, www.artcollab.com

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25 UNION HALL GALLERY 2126 K St., (916) 448-2452

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(916) 443-5721, www.universityart.com

27 THE URBAN HIVE 1931 H St., (916) 585-4483, www.theurbanhive.com

28 VIEWPOINT PHOTOGRAPHIC ART CENTER 2015 J St., (916) 441-2341, www.viewpointgallery.org

37 LA RAZA GALERÍA POSADA 2700 Front St., (916) 446-5133, www.larazagaleriaposada.org

38 SMITH GALLERY 1020 11th St., Ste. 100; (916) 446-4444; www.smithgallery.com

29 ZANZIBAR GALLERY 1731 L St., (916) 443-5601, www.zanzibartrading.com

DOWNTOWN/OLD SAC 30 APPEL GALLERY 931 T St., (916) 442-6014, www.appelgallery.com

31 ART FOUNDRY GALLERY 1025 R St., (916) 444-2787

32 ARTHOUSE UPSTAIRS 1021 R St.,

BEFORE

34 CROCKER ART MUSEUM 216 O St., (916)

36 MILK GALLERY

26 UNIVERSITY ART 2601 J St.,

(530) 979-1611

33 ARTISTS’ COLLABORATIVE GALLERY 129 K

39 TEMPLE COFFEE 1010 Ninth St., (916) 443-4960, www.templecoffee.com

40 VERGE CENTER FOR THE ARTS 625 S St., (916) 448-2985, http://vergeart.com

41 VOX SACRAMENTO 1818 11th St., www.voxsac.com

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$29

EVOLVE THE GALLERY 2907 35th St., (916) 572-5123, www.evolvethegallery.com

OLD CITY ART GALLERY 2512 Franklin Blvd., (916) 952-4810

Intermediate & Advanced

SACRAMENTO TEMPORARY CONTEMPORARY

Thursdays 7:30pm $10 only

1616 Del Paso Blvd; (916) 921-1224; http://stcgallery.webs.com

EAST SAC

for 6 week course, once a week

Your choice: Monday thru Friday, 6-7pm

PORTIONS OF PROCEEDS FEED THE HUNGRY

2131 K Street • Midtown 916.447.3793 07 07 www.jodettes.com

PATRIS STUDIO AND ART GALLERY

42 COFFEE WORKS 3418 Folsom Blvd.,

3460 Second Ave., (916) 397-8958. http://artist-patris.com

(916) 452-1086, www.coffeeworks.com

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NIGHT&DAY 06THURS DON’T MISS! ERIK GRIFFIN OF WORKAHOLICS: Check out a

comedy show featuring Erik Griffin of Comedy Central’s show Workaholics, plus special opening guest Keith Lowell Jensen. This show is outdoors. Feel free to bring lawn chairs, blankets or towels to use on the grass.

No alcohol sold or permitted at venue. Th, 9/6, 7:30pm. Free. University Union Serna Plaza, 6000 J St. Sacramento State University; (916) 278-6997; www.SacStateUNIQUE.com.

List your event!

Post your free online listing (up to 15 months early), and our editors will consider your submission for the printed calendar as well. Print listings are also free, but subject to space limitations.

Online, you can include a full description of your event, a photo and a link to your website.

Go to www.newsreview. com/calendar and start posting events. Deadline for print listings is 10 days prior to the issue in which you wish the listing to appear.

Special Events SACRAMENTO AREA SUSTAINABLE BUSINESS AWARDS: Keynote speaker Anthony Eggert will share information he acquired recently in Germany regarding new environmental policy. An awards ceremony will recognize environmentally conscious businesses in the Sacramento area. The event also includes a sustainability expo and business workshops. Th, 9/6, 8am. Call for pricing. Sheraton Grand Sacramento, 1230 J St.; (916) 552-6800; http://metrochamber.org.

07FRI

DON’T MISS! JOURNALIST/AUTHOR SCOTT THOMAS ANDERSON:

California Writers Club, Sacramento Branch presents Scott Thomas Anderson, award-winning journalist and author of Shadow People: How Methdriven Crime is Eating at the Heart of Rural America, who will speak about literary journalism and the enduring power of creative non-fiction. F, 9/7, 9-11am.

Free. IHOP, 2216 Sunrise Blvd. in Rancho Cordova, (916) 213-0798; www.cwc sacramentowriters.org.

Special Events WINE & DINE: Celebrate the city’s best cuisine and vintners at the Junior League of Sacramento’s annual Wine and Dine event at Raley Field. Enjoy a night filled with fine wine, food and live music on the Raley Field concourse. F, 9/7, 6-10pm. $40-$50. Raley Field, 400 Ballpark Dr. in West Sacramento; (916) 376-4676; www.jlsac.org.

Comedy SAN FRANCISCO MIME TROUPE: The San Francisco Mime Troupe will perform in an outdoor show, marking its 26th annual visit to Nevada County. The mission of the San Francisco Mime Troupe is to create and produce socially relevant theater of the highest professional quality. Food and beverages will be available for purchase.

F, 9/7, 7pm. $20. Miners Foundry Cultural Center,

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Poetry AUTHOR TO SPEAK: Phil Cousineau, author of Beyond Forgiveness, The Art of Pilgrimage, and Wordcatcher—among many other books—will appear to discuss his newest book, The Painted Word: A Treasure Chest of Remarkable Words and Their Origins. F, 9/7, 7:30pm.

Free. Avid Reader, 617 Second Ave. in Davis; (530) 758-4040; www.avidreaderbooks.com.

Concerts WOLFIE AND JOHANN: Meagan Kilpatrick, Joln Friedhoff and Liz Barton present an evening of chamber music featuring the Trio for Horn, Violin and Piano

by Brahms and Sonata in F for four hands by Mozart.

Donations will be accepted. All proceeds will be used to provide need-based scholarship funds for young musicians seeking private music instruction throughout the Sacramento region. F, 9/7, 8-9:30pm. Free.

William J Geery Theater, 2130 L St.; (916) 448-9019.

08SAT

DON’T MISS! POLISH FESTIVAL: Join for some Polish food, beer, music and folk-dancing.

Don’t miss the home-made pierogi, golumbki, kielbasa, sourkraut, potato pancakes, bigos and Polish pastries.

Enjoy the music of the Dave Chelini Trio and Chet Chwalik; watch the beautiful Lowiczanie Dancers from San Francisco and visit a Polish marketplace. Sa, 9/8, 12-6pm. Free. PolishAmerican Hall, 327 Main St. in Roseville; (916) 425-7894; www.polish-club.org.

Special Events ASIAN COMMUNITY CENTER ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION: This year’s event celebrates the 25th anniversary of the ACC Nursing Home and honors donor support throughout the first 25 years. It features a buffet of Asian food, a silent auction and entertainment.

Sa, 9/8, 6-9pm. $60-$75. Elks Lodge #6, 6446 Riverside Blvd.; (916) 394-6399, Ext. 141.

GOOD FOOD, MUSIC AND CAUSE.: Seven eighth-graders are embarking on their inaugural trip to Washington D.C. To assist this group of kids, Old Soul at 40 Acres is hosting a fundraiser. It will be a evening of nachos, live jazz music and drink specials. All proceeds will go to fund the trip.

Sa, 9/8, 6-9pm. $20. Old Soul at 40 Acres, 3434 Broadway; (916) 453-8540;www.facebook.com/#!/ pages/Ps7-Class-of-2021.

O SNAP PHOTO SCAVENGER HUNT: The O Snap Photo Scavenger Hunt is a themed adventure that is a fun-filled way to get to know people in ways you normally wouldn’t. Squads of three or four embark on epic adventures and pool their talents to find out the best way to overcome various challenges

presented to them. Pictures are proof that challenges are completed,. Sa, 9/8, 10am-noon. $30-50. Old Sacramento, 1000 Front St.; (916) 672-2112; www.gosnap.it.

Art Galleries AMERICAN VISIONS ART GALLERY: Watercolor Master Eric Christensen, American Visions Art Gallery is hosting an evening with the Eric Christensen, known as the master of hyper-realism watercolor paintings. Based in Napa, Christensen uses his environment as inspiration to paint the region with incredible detail and vibrant color. There will be originals as well giclees showcased. Wine and appetizers provided. Sa, 9/8, 4-8pm.

Free. 705 Sutter St. in Folsom; (916) 355-1492.

CONTEMPORARY DANCE CONSERVATORY: A gathering of art, music and dance, Hear live music by Ricky Berger, Autumn Sky and Julio Mina and see art by nine local artists, plus dance performances by Contemporary Dance Conservatory dancers.

This is an all-ages show and children younger than 10 years old are free. Sa, 9/8, 5-9:30pm. $5-$6. 213 26th St.; (916) 442-7262.

DEL PASO WORKS BUILDING: Hands in Mud, Enjoy a handbuilt ceramic sclupture gallery and ceramic artist studio featuring member art monthly. Join a clay studio group, which meets weekly on Wednesday.

Instructional classes coming soon. Second Sa of every month, 6-9pm through 10/12. Free. 1001 Del Paso Blvd.; (916) 333-4833.

SACRAMENTO GAY & LESBIAN CENTER: THEshow’s mission is to showcase both emerging and established artists of the Sacramento region in an environment of creativity, love and acceptance. Second Sa of every month, 5-9pm through 12/8. Free.

1927 L St.; (916) 442-0185.

UNION HALL GALLERY: Disability Awareness Art Show, Featuring artistic talents of artists with physical, psychological or learning disabilities. Multi-media, painting, drawing, sculpture, jewelry, metalwork and photography. Folsom Lake College organizes this Los Rios Community College District-wide event. Refreshments including Peets coffee. Sa, 9/8, 6-9pm. Free.

2126 K St.; (916) 448-2452.

Volunteer HABITAT RESTORATION WORKDAY!: The Cosumnes River Preserve invites the public to this restoration workday. It’s a great way to connect with the local environment and ideal for individuals seeking service learning hours. Wear: closed-toed shoes, a long-sleeve shirt, long pants, a hat and work gloves.

Bring: lunch, snacks and a reusable water bottle. Sa, 9/8, 9am-3:30pm. Free. Cosumnes River Preserve, 6500 Desmond Rd. in Galt; (916) 870-4317; www.cosumnes.org.

Concerts BENISE: EN FUEGO: En Fuego showcases classic songs from Led Zeppelin, Queen, Bach, and The Eagles—and marries them with Spanish guitar and Spanish dance. Benise’s love of both Spanish guitar and

rock brings a fierce intensity to these new interpretations of his favorite classic anthems. Sa, 9/8, 8pm. $45-$55. Crest Theatre, 1013 K St.; (916) 442-7378.

TEACUPS PLAY AT THE LIBRARY: Join Afternoon Teacup Collection at the library as they perform works by Cowell, Costello, Purcell, Riley, Gabrielli, Tiersen and more. Sa, 9/8, 2pm.

Free. Martin Luther King, Jr. Library, 7240 24th Street; https://www.facebook.com/ afternoonteacupcollection.

UNDERGROUND MANIA: Rise Entertainment presents Underground Mania, a Second Saturday event featuring Self Proclaimed,The Vicious Kenits, Broken Trojan, The Great West End and Lost Freedom. Sa, 9/8, 8pm-midnight. $5-$8. The Where House, 5451 Warehouse Way 109; www.facebook.com/self proclaimed182.

09SUN

DON’T MISS! CHILI COOK-OFF AND CAR SHOW: The 6th Annual Great Sutter Creek Chili Cook-Off and Car Show gives you a chance to sample homemade chili and salsa from more than 40 participating teams, listen to music and view the display of more than 100 classic cars, hot rods, and motorcycles.

Su, 9/9, 11am-3pm. Free ($5 for chili and salsa tasting). Main St. in Sutter Creek; (209) 267-1344.

Special Events ADMISSION DAY CELEBRATION: Californians deserve a day to celebrate their great state and on Sunday, September 9, the public is invited to a special event in honor of California’s 162nd year of statehood. Su, 9/9.

Free. California State Capitol Museum, 1315 10th St.; (916) 324-0333; www.capitol museum.ca.gov.

CHALLENGES IN ELDER HEALTH CARE: Dr. Irving Hellman, Geropsychologist, and Dr. Elliot Mazer, Geriatrician, will address the risks for older people of various medical care settings and the array of prescribed medications, and how to manage those risks to achieve the best possible outcomes. Reservations requested. Su, 9/9, 3-5pm. Free.

Kenesset Israel Torah Center, 1165 Morse Ave.

Classes GENEALOGY ON THE GO WITH THE IPAD: Lisa Louise Cooke will show you the top apps and best practices to make your iPad or tablet a genealogical powerhouse. A nationally known speaker and host of the Genealogy Gems podcast, Cooke’s books and CDs will be available for purchase at the program. This program will be held in the West Meeting Room. Su, 9/9, 1:30-3pm. Free.

Sacramento Public Library (Central Branch), 828 I St.; (916) 264-2920; www.saclibrary.org.

Kids’ Stuff GRANDPARENTS DAY: Join Fairytale Town to celebrate the 33rd

annual National Grandparents Day. Families are encouraged to bring grandma and grandpa for an enjoyable day of play in the park. The event is sponsored in part by ScholarShare College Savings Plan. Su, 9/9, 9am-4pm. Free with cost of admission. Fairytale Town, 3901 Land Park Dr.; (916) 808-7462; www.fairytaletown.org.

Meetings & Groups CLASSIC LITERATURE SERIES: Following professor Nancy Sweet’s talk, Lily Bart and the Furies: Seduction, Terror, and Self Destruction in The House of Mirth, participants will break into small groups to

discuss the The House of Mirth.

Su, 9/9, 2pm. Free. Sacramento Public Library (Central Branch), 828 I St.; (916) 264-2770; www.saclib.org.

SURVEY OF PSEUDOSCIENCE: Join for a light survey of the many swamps and pitfalls to critical thinking. Respected panelists will include Shane J. Trimmer,

local skeptic-activist; Glenn Branch, Deputy Director of the National Center for Science Education (NCSE); Liam McDaid, Sacramento City College professor of astronomy; and Sarah Strand, CSUS professor of neuroscience. Su, 9/9, 2pm.

Free. Sierra 2 Center, 2791 24th St.; (916) 452-3005.

Sports & Recreation

Su, 9/9, 8am. $15-$35. William

behind the scenes writing and singing hooks for various hiphop and R&B artists, before dropping solo albums. Teedra Moses became the first female artist to sign with Rick Ross’ Maybach Music Group hip-hop label. Su, 9/9, 8pm. $30-$35.

Crest Theatre, 1013 K St.; (916) 442-7378.

Land Park, 4000 S. Land Park Dr.; (916) 832-1102; www.sclerod erma.org/sacramento2012.

STEPPING OUT TO CURE SCLERODERMA: This timed 5K run

Concerts

features cash prizes for the top runners, free parking, live music by a deejay, a raffle, silent auction, and a kids area with a bouncehouse, baloon twisting and face-painting.

MIGUEL WITH TEEDRA MOSES: Catch a show with R&B singer Miguel with opener Teedra Moses. Miguel spent years

10MON

Concerts EL GRITO, A MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATION: Hear a concert featuring Mariachi Los Versatilles and Tamborazo Del Valle, part of University Unique Programs’ ongoing Wednesday nooner series. All ages permitted. No alcohol sold or permitted at venue. W, 9/12, 12-2pm. Free.

University Union Serna Plaza, 6000 J St. Sacramento State University; (916) 278-6997; www.SacStateUNIQUE.com.

DON’T MISS! SPLASH: The Roseville Chamber of Commerce is gearing up for its annual outdoor party, Splash, with an impressive lineup of food and beverage booths, local artists and live entertainment. M, 9/10, 6:30pm. $60-$75. Roseville Aquatics Complex, 3051 Woodcreek Oaks Blvd. in Roseville; (916) 774-5262.

ONGOING

11TUES

DON’T MISS! LOCA ROAD TRIP PASSPORT:

Purchase a LoCA Road Trip Passport to enjoy engaging and unique activities such as vineyard hayrides, bicycle tours, and port blending as well as complimentary tastings and wine and merchandise discounts from participating wineries.

9/11-10/6, 11am-5pm. $10-$15.

Lodi Wine Country, Participating Wineries in Lodi; (209) 365-0621; http://lodiroadtrip.com.

Teens

JUNIOR HIGH AND. HIGH SCHOOL THEATRE CLASSES:

a

re you pumped

for football season? No, not American football; we’re talking about association football, also known as “The Beautiful Game,” or “soccer” to those of us in the United States.

Anyway, the start of soccer season basically coincides with the beginning of American football season. So, why not change gears and follow the most popular sport in the world instead of one of the most injury plagued?

One way to start off soccer season is to check out this weekend’s international soccer match at Raley Field. It features Atlético Monarcas Morelia and San Luis Fútbol Club, two teams from Mexico’s top professional soccer league that are prepping for this season’s Clausura tournament.

This exhibition match highlights Raley Field’s first taste of professional soccer since a 2010 match

1 2

It’s played primarily with one’s foot and a ball. Thus, the name football makes sense. American football might be more appropriately renamed hand-oval.

Association football only has one break at halftime; the rest of the time it’s nonstop action. American football stops every few seconds, and spectators at home must watch commercials many times each quarter.

3 4

between Major League Soccer’s San Jose Earthquakes and Chivas USA. For those who aren’t familiar with the sport, the United States’ and Mexico’s national teams have a healthy—and deeply respectful—rivalry, which, some say, has led to improvement in both teams. In the latest match between the two teams of similar skill levels, United States defender Michael Orozco Fiscal—who also happens to play for Mexico’s San Luis FC—scored his first ever goal for the national team just two weeks ago. The late goal led to the first United States win against Mexico on Mexican soil in 75 years. This Saturday is a chance to welcome home the historic goal scorer.

If this is still not enough to cause excitement, here are five reasons association football is better than American football:

There are dozens of great association football leagues, including the English Premier League, the Spanish Premier League and the United States’ own Major League Soccer. American football has only one good league.

5

Several Mexican broadcasters can shout gol or golazo for what seems like a full minute.

All American football has is Chris Berman’s mundane catchphrase: “He could go all the way.”

This workshop focus on the foundation of how to make a character real for an audience through the use of foundational theatrical techniques, training to use the body as an instrument and getting the “self” out of the way. Tu, 4-6pm through 12/11.

Opens 9/11. $300. Victory Life Church, 800 Reading St. in Folsom; (916) 207-5606; www.actorsworkshop.net.

Special Events BEGONIAS AHOY: The show offers

12WED

a rare opportunity to explore many varieties of begonias grown by local growers. More than 1000 begonia plants will be for sale, most for $4-6.

Plants will be unique species not typically available for sale in local nurseries. Seminars will be offered to teach the basics of begonia growing.

9/8-9/9. Free. Shepard Garden & Art Center, 3330 McKinley Blvd.; (530) 887-5471.

DON’T MISS! CA NATIVES, GATEWAY PLANTS TO COOLNESS:

Cassandra Nguyen Musto, local landscape architect and garden coordinator of the chapter’s California Native Plant Demonstration Garden will showcase dozens of native plants that you can use to be a cool kid in the garden, too.

Books, wildflower seeds and other merchandise are available for purchase.

Refreshments are provided. W, 9/12, 7pm. Free.

Shepard Garden & Art Center, 3330 McKinley Blvd.; (916) 929-7896; www.sacvalley.cnps.org.

CALIFORNIA CAPITAL AIRSHOW: The United States Air Force Thunderbirds Jet Demonstration Team will rock the skies of Sacramento, headlining the California Capital Airshow. Fans will be captivated by an array of equally exciting, thrill-seeking military jets, gravity-defying aerobatic performers and the rumble of historic aircraft.

9/8-9/9. $7.50-$15. Mather Airport, 3745 Whitehead St. in Mather; (916) 875-7077.

Film IRON SKY SCREENING: Are you into comedy sci-fi from Finland?

Check out Iron Sky, fresh from the Berlin Film Festival and the SXSW Film Festival. This is a Tugg.com event, which means that unless a certain number of tickets are presold, the event will be cancelled and all tickets will be refunded. W, 9/12, 7:30pm. $10. Century Stadium 14, 1590 Ethan Way; (916) 817-7889; www.tugg.com /events/1278#.UCqE1j2PXng.

Association football is universal. It’s played and watched everywhere in the world. American football?

Not so much.

from Francie Dillon, a professor of children’s literature at Sacramento State University.

Her simple techniques have the ability to make reading and learning fun for everyone.

W, 9/12, 5:30-7:30pm. Free.

Fairytale Town, 3901 Land Park Dr.; (916) 808-7462; www.fairytaletown.org.

Kids’ Stuff

COMMON DIVERSIONS: TOY TRAINS AND SCALE MODEL RAILROADS: While small in size, miniature trains are always a big attraction for guests who visit the California State Railroad Museum. In this exhibition, guests will learn the primary difference between model trains and toy trains has to do with scale.

Wait, there’s more!

Looking for something to do? Use SN&R’s free calendar to browse hundreds of events online.

Art galleries and musems, family events, education classes, film and literary events, church groups, music, sports, volunteer opportunies—all this and more on our free events calendar at www.newsreview.com.

Start planning your week!

Through 9/14, 10am-5pm.

$4-$9. California State Railroad Museum, 111 I St.; (916) 417-1159; www.california staterailroadmuseum.org.

GIVING VOICE TO CHILDRENS LITERATURE: Learn easy and effective read-aloud techniques

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NATOMAS

september 20

Buy one get one With purchase of a pita of equal or lesser value and 2 fountain drinks.

3541 Truxel Road (916) 929-9464

® ™

ARDEN

1785 Challenge Way (916) 927-9464

RANCHO CORDOVA

1420 65th St • Folsom Blvd 2 minutes from SAC STATE! 916-737-7482 www.pitapitusa.com

2nd saturday entree+wine $15

Valid Saturday, September 8th only

10750 Olson Drive (916) 638-2449

GIRLS UR HOOTERS S PLEASE ASKR YO FO ENTRY FORM

★

50¢ WINGS FIRST ORDER OF 10 AND REFILLS OF 5. DINE-IN ONLY. CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER OFFERS. SOME OTHER CONDITIONS MAY APPLY. SEE YOUR HOOTERS GIRLS FOR DETAILS.

winery tasting room Bistro

2831 S Street Sacramento, CA | 916.444.7711 | www.revolution-wines.com

Watch Sunday Football at 3 Fires Lounge

NATOMAS

3541 Truxel Road (916) 929-9464

BEER & WINGS

10 beer buckets & 10 ¢ wings all day!

$

ARDEN

1785 Challenge Way (916) 927-9464

RANCHO CORDOVA

FREE wireless internet for our fantasy football fans

10750 Olson Drive (916) 638-2449

GIRLS UR HOOTERS S PLEASE ASKR YO FO ENTRY FORM

50¢ WINGS FIRST ORDER OF 10 AND REFILLS OF 5. DINE-IN ONLY. CANNOT BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER OFFERS. SOME OTHER CONDITIONS MAY APPLY. SEE YOUR HOOTERS GIRLS FOR DETAILS.

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★

1501 L STREET • SACRAMENTO, CA (916) 267-6823 www.3FiresLounge.com

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Best Burger Under $10

Half-baked A Bakery & Thai Food 6490 Broadway, (916) 451-5411 Let’s decode that odd name of this new cafe: A Bakery & Thai Food. One’s mind leaps to rearrange it to “A Thai Bakery & Food;” the next logical by thought is, “What are Thai baked-goods like?”

Becky But look again; this is just what it says: a (nonGrunewald Thai) bakery with (Thai) food.

And it’s barely a bakery, Thai or otherwise; the large restaurant only features one small bakery case, which, on the day I visit, is mostly empty. The only offerings then are cookies and coffee cake.

So in reality, AB&TF is a Thai eatery located in a strip mall in Tahoe Park. Rows of seashells are strung across the front winRating: dows—an airy touch—and multiple ★ ★ 1/2 Tiffany-style lamps hang in the dining room.

There are also large paintings everywhere— Dinner for one: including one of a badass red dragon. $10 - $15 My server brings out an amuse-bouche of an unremarkable fried spring roll before I even order. Scanning the menu, my interest is piqued to see a few dishes that I think of as Indian. When asked about their origin, the server explains, “They’re not Thai, but Asian.”

Hmm. OK, I’ll bite, and bite happily, as it ★ turns out. The samosas are available filled with POOR vegetables, chicken or a mixture; in fact, ★★ vegans take note: many dishes at AB&TF are FAIR available in vegetarian versions, and some can ★★★ even be made vegan by request, with the omisGOOD sion of fish sauce. ★★★★ The samosas, wrapped in layers of crispy, EXCELLENT phyllolike dough are filled with potatoes and ★★★★★ peas and tiny bits of dark-meat chicken.

EXTRAORDINARY There’s a dollop of tamarind in each; this sweet-sour fruit pulp is often served as a side condiment in Indian restaurants, but here it’s more fully integrated as part of the filling.

The restaurant serves an interesting version of the common Thai/Lao dish, angel wings: Here, the meat is mostly stripped off the knobby end of the bone so that they resemble pork-loin lollipops. Then, the remaining meat at the bulbous end is surrounded by chopped meat, and the whole shebang is deep-fried in extremely Still hungry? crispy panko batter. It’s a labor-intensive prepaSearch SN&R’s ration, but, unfortunately, the result is bland and “Dining Directory” to stripped of any fatty, crispy skin. find local restaurants The restaurant’s spongy fried fish cakes, or by name or by type of food. Sushi, Mexican, tod mun pla, are better executed, flavored with Indian, Italian— flowery, fragrant Kaffir lime leaves and a discover it all in the pleasant wallop of spice.

“Dining” section at Two salads, one squid and one chicken larb, www.newsreview.com. are dressed very similarly, with lime juice and mild fish sauce. The differences are subtle: The squid is served with tomato, fresh mint and ginger; the chicken salad features coriander and more heat, but falls short of my “very spicy” request.

The crosshatched calamari is passably tender, but the white-meat ground chicken in the larb is disappointingly dry. For those who BEFORE

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desire a fishier flavor, each table contains a vat of dark fish sauce with extremely hot chilies afloat in it. As a fish sauce addict, I overindulge, especially in the fiery chilies, and suffer the consequences later.

The ginger chicken arrives with a small serving of jasmine rice; when our server uncovers the dish, the intoxicating, nutty smell of the rice wafts through the air and each grain is distinct yet not dry. Perfect rice is no small feat and much appreciated. The ginger chicken itself is served with an uninspiring mix of vegetables— strips of red bell pepper: check. Onions: check.

Boring chunks of onion and broccoli: check.

Perfect rice is no small feat.

2968 Freeport Blvd Sacramento, CA 95818 916-447-3237 ilovedadskitchen.com

If I was 5 years old again, I might have been excited by the dish’s baby corn, but my now-jaded palate remains unstirred, discarded along with the thrill of canned black olives stuck on each finger.

In the dessert realm, the fried bread in the roti with ice-cream dish is quite hot, and it’s a challenge to eat the coconut-flake ice cream as it rapidly melts into a spreading pool. The soft consistency is a sure sign that it’s housemade, and the server smiles and proudly confirms it’s made by her cousin.

A board covered with paper in the dining room solicits comment and praise, including one that says, “So bomb, what up?”

Maybe not bomb, but certainly a boon to this Tahoe Park neighborhood which previously lacked a Thai restaurant, especially one with Pan-Asian flair. Ω

THE V WORD What will it take?

Nobody wants to be lectured by some enviro-do-gooder vegan. But it’s not preachy to ask people who say they have seen the footage of animal cruelty at factory farms, and are aware of the negative environmental and health effects, “What is it going to take for you to stop being cruel in participating in all of that?” as Gale Hart, a longtime vegan, artist and Sacramento resident says. “Most people answer, ‘I don’t know’ … because they don’t want to change.” But she offers a solution, too. “Sometimes you get, ‘Well, I wish I knew more about vegan food.’ OK! Give them information on that.

Or … ‘If I found another way to get protein, I guess.’ Or, ‘I really like the taste of meat.’ There are [faux] meats out there that you can get used to … and then you won’t like the taste of meat.”

—Shoka STORY

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Downtown

Estelle’s Patisserie With its marble tables and light wooden chairs, there’s an airy atmosphere, casual and cozy. Estelle’s offers an espresso bar and a wide assortment of teas and muffins and rolls for the breakfast crowd as well as sweets, including DayGlo macarons.

For the lunch-inclined, there are soups, salads, sandwiches and meat or meatless quiche. One of the authentic touches is the spare use of condiments. The smoked salmon is enlivened by dill and the flavor of its croissant. Its tomato bisque is thick and richly flavored, and, in a nice touch, a puff pastry floats in the tureen as accompaniment.

Everything is surprisingly reasonable. Half a sandwich and soup is $7.25. A caprese baguette is $5.25.

Ham and cheese is $5.75. There’s a lot to like about Estelle’s—except dinner. Doors close at 6pm. French.

901 K St., (916) 551-1500. Meal for one: $5-$10. ★★★1⁄2 G.L.

Midtown

Firestone Public House A sports bar with a focus on craft beer isn’t exactly a groundbreaking concept, but two local prominent restaurant

The Porch The Porch is light and white with a vibe that suggests the airy sweep of an antebellum Charleston eatery. One can only envy the extensive onsite research conducted by chef Jon Clemens and business partners John Lopez and Jerry Mitchell, creators of Capitol Garage.

The most enjoyable menu selections are salads or seafood sandwiches or entrees. Slaw on the barbecue pork sandwich elevates its status, and its pickled vegetables are sweet and tart, adding an additional dimension. The shrimp and grits dish, while laden with cheddar and gravy, is a synergistic mélange—perhaps The Porch’s trademark dish.

Also in the running is the purloo, the low country’s

LL A GA RC IA N BY PR IS CI

Here are a few recent reviews and regional recommendations by Becky Grunewald and Greg Lucas, updated regularly. Check out www.newsreview.com for more dining advice.

families, the Wongs and the DeVere Whites, know what Sacramento wants: good beer; solid pub grub; and a casual, unpretentious atmosphere. Here, the bar is the centerpiece with a full stock of liquor and 60 beers on draught.

The menu features savory appetizers—the tortilla soup with poached chicken, avocado and tomato is particularly noteworthy—and a selection of sandwiches and pizzas, including a simple pie with fresh mozzarella and tomato sauce. American. 1132 16th St., (916) 446-0888. Dinner for one: $15-$20. ★★★

The Red Rabbit Kitchen & Bar Resistance is futile when it comes to Red Rabbit’s desserts. The berryinfused ice-cream sandwich is bright and refreshing with a chewy shell that dovetails neatly with the smooth fruity interior. But there’s less effusiveness for the entrees.

The Bastard Banh Mi doesn’t improve on the original. A number of items from the “Farm to Plate,” “Tasty Snacks” and “Buns” sections

of the menu land high in the plus column, however. Any place that offers chimichurri rocks hard. Here it enlivens the Farm Animal Lollipops snack—particularly the lamb—and the mayor-of-Munchkin-Citysized lamb bocadillas. American.

2718 J St., (916) 706-2275. Dinner for one: $20-$40. ★★1⁄2 G.L.

Sampino’s Towne Foods Sampino’s Towne Foods turns out to be a bright jewel in a drab Alkali Flat strip mall of paycheck cashers and laundromat. It’s everything an Italian deli should be and more, right down to the Louie Prima on the box and the timpano in the refrigerated display case. Several lobbyists, who elect to drive the six

to seven blocks from their offices near the capitol, to pick up sandwiches or—in one instance—five meatballs, begin spewing superlatives when asked their views on Sampino’s. Italian Deli.

1607 F St., (916) 441-2372. Dinner for one: $7-$15. ★★★★1⁄2 G.L.

Shady Lady Saloon

So many bars try to do bar snacks, and so many fail. Shady Lady, however, nails it. The fried green tomatoes are punched up with a tarragon rémoulade and the huge charcuterie board is more like a groaning board, stocked with abundant regional meats and cheeses. The pickle plate looks like Peter Rabbit’s dream, all teeny turnips and tangy carrot

The other sour

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version of jambalaya, with andouille, crunchy crawfish appendages, and the same sautéed bell peppers and onions that also appear in the grits. Southern. 1815 K St., (916) 444-2423. Dinner for one: $20-$30. ★★★ G.L.

chunks. Generally excellent, the saloon’s cocktail list veers from the classics with a list of bartendercreated drinks with unusual, but wisely considered flavor combinations: cilantro and tequila, blackberry and thyme, and the surprisingly sublime mixture of celery and pineapple. American. 1409 R St., (916) 231-9121.$10-$20. ★★★ 1⁄2 B.G.

Thir13en From the start—and, lo, these many weeks hence—the situp-take-notice plate remains the pork tonnato sandwich. It’s the Italian peasant spread or sauce made with tonno—tuna—tonnato that empowers this open-face masterwork. Spread on a toasted half baguette, the tonnato is the

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Sour beers are all the rage, but not all sours get their tartness from the famous Brettanomyces yeast; some are rendered tart by the multiplication of the lactobacillus bacteria, a rod-shaped little guy that produces lactic acid. It’s also used in the production of yogurt, cheese and many other foodstuffs. Sudwerk Restaurant & Brewery in Davis brews a lactobacillus beer made every year in the late spring or early summer, and it’s on draught at the brewery right now. It’s a Berliner Weisse, a German style that dates to the 16th century.

Brewer Jay Prahl says the mashing process is “rather arduous,” because he is trying to keep the 50-50 barley-and-wheat mash acidic and also keep some of the lactobacillus alive. The result, says Prahl, is a “tart, almost lemony, slightly alcoholic beverage.”

Sounds like it’s worth the trouble. $5 a pint; 2001 Second Street in Davis, (530) 758-8700; $7.99 for a six-pack at most grocery stores.

—Becky Grunewald

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Formoli’s Bistro Formoli’s is the other half of the restaurant swap on J Street that sent Vanilla Bean Bistro (formerly known as Gonul’s J Street Cafe) to Formoli’s old warren and brought Formoli’s into its current high-ceilinged, spare, dark cranberry space of black tables and chairs just six blocks away. Flavor combinations are a big part of the Formoli playbook, and the blend of the tower’s components is the payoff just as it is in the salad of beets—wafer-thin enough to be used interchangeably in the carpaccio—with shaved fennel, frisée, a few orange segments and pistachios laced with a stentorian balsamic vinaigrette. Mediterranean.

3839 J St., (916) 448-5699. Dinner for one: $20-$40. ★★★★ G.L. Juno’s Kitchen & Delicatessen To quote Gov. Jerry Brown from his first iteration as California’s chief executive more than 30 years ago: “Small is beautiful.” Juno’s proves this axiom in spades. The menu is fairly compact and slanted more toward lunch than

dinner. Juno’s macaroni and cheese, which comes with rock shrimp on rigatoni, a Grana Padano, Gruyère and cheddar trio and a dusting of paprika, is a creative take on a comfort-food classic. In the traditional-sandwich realm, all start out with the advantage of Juno’s homemade sour—but not sourdough—bread with its crunchy crust and soft interior. In the soppressata salami sandwich, the bread amplifies the tartness of the pepperoncini while the turkey sandwich with provolone, tomato, arugula and pesto requires several napkins as the oil in the pesto seeps inexorably through the airy bread slices.

American. 3675 J St., (916) 456-4522.

Dinner for one: $5-$10. ★★★★ G.L.

the Vanilla Bean Bistro. Its narrow, low-ceilinged coziness is consonant with its understated, whatever-the-impulseinspires alchemy that owner/chef Gonul Blum, has shown over the past eight years. Blum hails from Turkey.

That country’s culinary tradition provides a sturdy foundation, but for her, it serves more as a launching pad. A recurring feature practiced here is the inclusion of fruit—preserved and fresh—in many dishes.

And the tabbouleh delivers a roundhouse-punch flavor combination. Turkish. 3260-B J St., (916) 457-1155. Dinner for one: $10-$20. ★★★★ 1 ⁄ 2 G.L.

Mamma Susanna’s Ristorante Italiano

North Sac

Most commonly referred to by its patrons as the neighborhood restaurant, there is no shortage of options on the menu with nearly a dozen or so pastas, even more types of pizzas, a smattering of salads and various entrees, including the piccata chicken or veal dish that Mamma Susanna’s counts as one of her specialties. Of the pastas and pizzas, the norcina tastes like and looks like an orangey vodka sauce with roasted red-pepper slices and sausage rounds tossed in a bed of penne. While the menu claims spicy, some red chili flakes do the trick. Italian. 5487 Carlson Dr., (916) 452-7465. Dinner for one: $12-$20. ★★★ G.L.

Vanilla Bean Bistro Gonul’s J Street Cafe has moved up the street and evolved into

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ILLUSTRATION BY MARK STIVERS

foundation upon which the pork rests. Above the pork is an awning of mixed greens, with a generous overhang, sprinkled with not enough crispy onions and paperthin slices of pickled fennel. There isn’t space to wax poetic about the cordon bleu sandwich, the burger, the designer cocktails or the fizzy water from Wales. See for yourself. Very authoritative. American.

1300 H St., (916) 594-7669. Dinner for one: $12-$20. ★★★★1⁄2 G.L.

on the bottom of the pan with rice, then stirred and fried up fresh the next day with dried Thai chilies and scallions. Thai and Lao. 2827 Norwood Ave., (916) 641-5890. Dinner for one: $10-$15. ★★★★ B.G.

South Sac

Giò Cha Duc Huong

Sandwiches With banh mi, it’s the bread that sets the tone.

Giò Cha Duc Huong Sandwiches goes against the grain with bread that’s more football shaped than submarine shaped, garlic bread, and a selection of premade grab-and-go sandwiches right by the counter.

And, with its substitution of butter for mayonnaise and the emphasis on pâté, Duc Huong shows a stronger than usual French influence.These details may seem trivial, but with banh mi, such small variations make all the difference. The small menu is limited to eight sandwiches (mostly pork) and two soups: chicken curry soup and a beef stew called bo kho banh mi, which comes with bread.

There’s a thick float of chili oil on top of the yellow, turmeric and lemongrass-laced curry soup, which, at first, is off-putting until you realize it can be dipped into the yeasty, crusty, fluffy bread. Vietnamese.

6825 Stockton Blvd., Ste. 200; (916) 428-1188. Dinner for one: $5-$10. ★★★ 1 ⁄ 2 B.G.

Asian Café Asian Café serves both Thai and Lao food, but go for the Lao specialties, which rely on flavoring staples such as fish sauce, lime juice, galangal and lemongrass, lots of herbs, and chilies. One of the most common dishes in Lao cuisine is larb, a dish of chopped meat laced with herbs, chilies and lime. At Asian Café, it adds optional offal add-ons—various organ meats, entrails, et al—to three versions of the dish: beef with tripe, chicken with gizzards, or pork with pork skin.

The beef salad offers a gentle respite from aggressive flavors, consisting of medium-thick chewy slices of eye of round with red bell pepper, chopped iceberg and hot raw jalapeño.

The single best dish here is the nam kao tod, a crispy entree with ground pork that’s baked

Crawfish, catfish and Coors One of my favorite summer pastimes is scraping some money together with friends, buying 10 or more pounds of crawfish and steaming them in a giant pot. Thankfully, one of Sacramento’s best-kept secrets is its stash of local crawfish that live in rice paddies and in Delta wetlands. Well, maybe not really a secret, with two local festivals celebrating it: the annual Isleton Cajun Festival in June and this weekend’s Coors Light Crawfish & Catfish Festival in Sacramento. Organized by local festival promoter Louisiana Sue and sponsored by Coors Light, the two-day celebration will serve up plenty of Louisiana-style food (crawfish, catfish, alligator, barbecue, shrimp, oysters, etc.) as well as music (a handful of zydeco and Louisiana blues bands) and a kids’ area.

Bring lawn chairs, an appetite and extra napkins. Noon-11 p.m., Saturday, September 8; noon-7 p.m., Sunday, September 9. $5. Rio Ramaza Marina RV & Event Park, 10000 Garden Highway; www.louisianasue.com.

—Jonathan Mendick

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COOLHUNTING No-pantomime zone San Francisco Mime Troupe The members of the San Francisco Mime Troupe hardly fall into the Marcel Marceau camp; this is, thankfully, a no-pantomime zone. Rather, this group of political satirists performs broad musical comedy that spares no targets. Founded in 1959, it finds particular richness in election years, so brace yourself for some particularly pointed jabs.

The troupe visits with three local shows, all to be performed outdoors. Check them out at one COMEDY of three local shows. Friday, September 7, 8 p.m.; Miners Foundry Cultural Center, 325 Spring Street in Nevada City; $20. Saturday, September 8, 7 p.m.; Community Park, E. 14th and F streets in Davis; free admission. Sunday, September 9, 4 p.m.; Southside Park, Sixth and T streets; free admission; www.sfmt.org.

—Rachel Leibrock

The science of sleep Dreamland Sleep, it seems, is one of the biggest mysteries of science. Why do we do it? How does it affect us? Why do we dream? When author David K. Randall woke up one morning and toppled BOOK over after sleepwalking into a wall, he sought out professional help. But, as it turned out, sleep therapists didn’t have answers to most of his questions. Thus began his obsession with understanding everything there was to know about sleep.

For the resulting book, Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep (W.W. Norton & Company, $25.95), Randall interviewed scientists and researched laboratory studies. One, for instance, found a significant relationship between sleep deprivation in soldiers and the occurrence of friendly fire. What makes the book unique is that it isn’t a self-help book: It’s a fascinating, well-researched scientific tome—albeit a fun read, too—perfect for anybody filled with curiosity about why we do the things we do.

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Pedal powered Ecoxpower It’s not easy being green, as one frog famously said. He wasn’t referring to being environmental per se, but the sentiment still applies. People can, for instance, make the decision to ride bikes to work, but then still use up valuable resources by powering bike headlights, smartphones and GPS devices. The Ecoxpower gets one step closer to living off the grid. Priced at $99.99, the device clips onto a standard two-wheeler and uses bike-powered energy to charge the front and rear lights.

GREEN Plus, it has a compartment that fits nearly any handheld tech device—smartphones, iPods, etc.—to give them an eco-friendly charge during the morning’s commute. The gadget is easily mountable and has a built-in on-and-off switch for the headlights. www.ecoxgear.com/ecoxpower.

—Aaron Carnes

Figuring out what’s real and what’s an illusion is just part of the emotional roller coaster for the characters in Susan Vaught’s new novel, Freaks Like Us (Bloomsbury USA Children’s, $16.99).

Readers will empathize with the parents of three mentally ill teens— and for the community—as everyone spends a day searching for a missing person. This young-adult novel opens a window into the mind of a teenage schizophrenic, Jason (nicknamed “Freak”), who shows loyalty, bravery and relentless love BOOK as we follow him on a worthy mystery ride. Vaught’s writing is sensitive and compelling as Freak and his two friends make big decisions in an adult world of deception and secrets.

—Kate Paloy

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My boyfriend broke up with me after I had a health crisis that resulted in my doctor saying that I cannot have children. My boyfriend says he loves me, but that he wants children of his own “the natural way.” I can’t eat or sleep.

Part of me just wants to die.

Before this, he and I were so tight.

We planned to get engaged over the holidays. He said he talked to his mother, and she said I was “damaged.” She used to tell me that I was the daughter she never had. Is that how someone talks to a daughter? Please help me. My boyfriend won’t return my calls or texts.

Stop contacting him. By holding on after he has let go, you create an imbalance of power. He’s sitting pretty on a godlike pedestal.

You’re groveling at the base, hoping for a crumb of attention.

The desperate attempts to reach him add to your suffering. This is reality: He doesn’t have the power to wash the hurt away. No matter what he says, the betrayal persists.

Only you have the power to heal yourself.

by Joey GarcIa

Joey

laughed too hard at Seminar, a play at B Street Theatre.

The end of any valued relationship feels like a death. You are grieving.

See your ex-boyfriend as he is—a man with a single vision for his future. It doesn’t matter what he said in the past or what he promised. Hear him now: The relationship is over. The end of any valued relationship feels like a death. You are grieving. The demise of shared dreams about the future, the loss of a man whose life was intertwined with yours, the change in identity from nearly engaged to single and a new awareness of your body—all of these shifts contribute to your sadness, but only because you are living in the past.

When you lie to yourself and say that life is not worth living, you teach yourself not to trust yourself (liars can’t be trusted, right?). Life, with its surprising twists and turns, is definitely worth living, I assure you. But the life

Got a problem?

Write, email or leave a message for Joey at the News & Review.

Give your name, telephone number (for verification purposes only) and question—all correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Write Joey, 1124 Del Paso Blvd., Sacramento, CA 95815; call (916) 498-1234, ext. 3206; or email askjoey@ newsreview.com.

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you had before the breakup is not worth living, because it is over.

Stop trying to resuscitate it. Create a fresh vision of who you are and what you are capable of achieving.

Here’s how: Shake off the lie that you are damaged. Strip away the fear that there is one natural way to have children. Release, completely, the lie that this man was the right man for you. Choose to live brilliantly. A passel of new dreams awaits your energy and enthusiasm.

THINK FREE.

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My girlfriend criticizes the way I am raising my son. She says he needs more structure. Maybe that’s true, but it’s become the thing we argue about most. My son is confused. I tell him one thing, and she tells him something else.

We have been dating for three months and living together for two, because she lost her job and couldn’t afford where she was living. My household used to be peaceful. Now it’s a battleground.

I love my girlfriend, but I don’t know what to do.

That’s easy: Be a parent. Your girlfriend probably has good intentions, but by stealing your authority, she births chaos and confusion.

Dial the relationship back. If she cannot stop intervening, she must move out. Ah, but you love her.

Well, if she loves you, she will want what is best for you and your child. Your job is not to be her financial savior. Your job is to raise your son well so he becomes a confident, capable, considerate, compassionate and intelligent young man. Exposing him to arguments between your girlfriend and you stunts his emotional growth. So, stop. Enroll yourself in parenting classes. Or better still, if you are low-income, contact the Relationship Skills Center (www.skills4us.org), and take one of its unique courses. Ω

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Who do you worship? Who do you hope will admire you?

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STAGE Nearly nekkid on the Nile Antony and Cleopatra You don’t know Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra?

You’ve got company. Many local theater professionals have never seen it. Even a major by Jeff Hudson festival like the Oregon Shakespeare Festival only does Antony and Cleopatra every decade or so.

And that makes the current upstart production in Nevada City—a smart, sexy and robust effort by Synthetic Unlimited—even more noteworthy.

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PHOTO BY ERIN THIEM

McCammon shares directing responsibilities with Trish Adair. They’ve done a good job; lines have inevitably been cut, but the scenes flow one into the next and many are beautifully arranged. There’s also effective lighting design by Camen Hodges, set design by Pamela Hodges, sound design by Jay Tausig, and abundant costumes

by Sovahn LeBlanc and Vivian Flint.

Not to mention the good supporting performances by a cast of 20. It’s a big undertaking, and it definitely works. Ω Antony and Cleopatra, 7 p.m. Thursday; 8 p.m. Friday, Saturday; 2 p.m. Sunday, September 9; $15-$20. Synthetic Unlimited at the Nevada Theatre, 401 Broad Street in Nevada City; (888) 957-4697; www.syntheticunlimited.org. Through September 15.

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Dances with jaguars

Severed Roots

“Antony, I’m bored.

Show me your six-pack again.”

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Antony and Cleopatra is a Roman play, a sequel of sorts to Julius Caesar. But Antony and Cleopatra also has much in common with Romeo and Juliet—both deal with impulsive romance and untimely death, but where Juliet and Romeo are barely legal, Antony and Cleopatra are mature rulers, celebrities with resources. Their star-crossed tryst puts their realms and their followers’ lives in jeopardy.

It’s all about sex, of course. Start with the queen of Egypt, whose beauty—and propensity to go through lovers like Kleenex tissues—are legendary. Then introduce Mark Antony, the charismatic military man, who’s gotten bored with political infighting (and marriage) in Rome. Sparks fly as this power duo begins a hot and very public affair.

Friends warn that Roman legions are coming to destroy them. But the pleasures of the flesh—and wine and banquets—keep them partying by the Nile.

This production stars Yale-trained Grace Fae as Cleopatra. What’s the attraction of this part, compared to more famous tragic roles?

Cleopatra stars throughout, with nearly 700 lines (more than twice as many as Lady Macbeth), and Cleopatra parades herself in as many provocative costumes as Madonna.

Muscular Jimmy McCammon plays Antony. Bare-chested and brandishing a sword, he’s convincing as a battlefield commander who can also speak well. He conveys an impetuosity befitting Antony’s self-destructive course.

A replica of a Mayan temple, drums, songs and dances based on traditional Mayan culture, and a story based on little-known historical fact makes Teatro Espejo’s newest production a winner.

Manuel José Pickett, who co-wrote the original script for Severed Roots with Sam Rios, directs this tale of the first Mexicans, fathered by a shipwrecked Spaniard on the Yucatán a decade before the arrival of the conquistador, Hernán Cortés (Alex Karavay).

Seaman Gonzalo Guerrero (Ike Torres) and Franciscan friar Gerónimo de Aguilar (John Dryden) survive out of their shipwrecked crew.

When Cortés arrives, Aguilar tells the story in flashbacks of Guerrero’s rise from slave to warrior to husband of the Mayan king’s daughter (Camila Valim Serrano). Cortés hopes to enlist Guerrero’s help to conquer the Mayans and take their gold; the play is essentially moral conflict.

Incorporated into the story is a jaguar dance, as well as another dance based on what choreographer Andrew “YaYa” Porras calls “neomayan rhythms.” One of the big pluses of the production is the inclusion of dance, along with original music by director/playwright Pickett, Marisol Pickett, and Albert Ramirez Pickett. The costumes, designed by local legend Señora Angelbertha Cobb, a curator and teacher of Mayan and Aztec traditions, are fantastic. The Mayan royalty and priest are in vibrant colors, and the Spaniards’ costumes include breastplates, helmets and sabers.

A little hesitation in delivery by some of the actors—and the unfortunate echoes in the theater—made it hard to hear bits of dialogue, but this is still another interesting and entertaining piece from Teatro Espejo, a welcome addition to the ranks of Sacramento community theater.

—Kel Munger

Severed Roots, 8 p.m. Thursday, Friday, Saturday; 2 p.m.

Sunday; $15-$20. Teatro Espejo at the California Stage, 2509 R Street; (916) 278-7303; teatroespejo@hotmail.com. Through September 9.

Now Playing A CHRISTOPHER DURANG FESTIVAL

Best

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Six plays, four directors and 31 performers in two nights of plays—an overwhelming show of talent to launch the new Ovation Stage. High points include Georgann Wallace as the ruler swinging sister in Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All. Th-Sa 8pm; Su 2pm. Through 9/9. Check website for full program listing. $13-$15. Ovation Stage at the Three Penny Theatre in the California Stage complex, 25th and R streets; (916) 448-0312; www.ovationstage.com. K.M

THE GREAT AMERICAN TRAILER

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Park Musical It’s easy to see why director Bob Irvin calls this show— back for a second year at the festival “by popular demand”—a guilty pleasure. It revels in rednecky humor, but beneath the grits and homilies lie a tale of deception, infidelity and jealousy—plus music! F, Sa, Su 7:30pm. Through 9/9. $10-$15. Fair Oaks Theatre Festival in the Veterans Memorial Amphitheatre, 7991 California Blvd., Old Fair Oaks; (916) 966-3683; www.fairoakstheatre-festival.com. J.C.

5

MAHALIA: A GOSPEL MUSICAL

Atlanta’s Bernardine Mitchell brings her big voice and joyous style to this Mahalia Jackson tribute, tracking the gospel great’s journey from Southern churches to Carnegie Hall, and her support of Martin Luther King Jr. Mitchell’s presentation of Mahalia singing classic spirituals (“How I Got Over”) is fabulous. W, Th, Fr 7pm; Sa 2pm & 7pm; Su 3pm. Through 9/23. $15-$48. Guild Theater, 2828 35th St.; (916) 520-0827; www.mahaliasacramento.com. J.H.

4

THE MAJESTIC KID

This comedy-of-evolving-expectations contrasts the chivalrous singing cowboys from Hollywood serials (who never marry the “gals” they rescue) with complicated modern relationships, lampooning ranchers (keen to sell and create a toxic dump) and a Native American tribe (planning to turn their reservation into a huge resort/casino). F, Sa 8pm. Through 9/8. $12-$17.50, with a $49 family pack (four seats). Main Street Theatre Works in the Kennedy Mine Amphitheatre on North Main St. in Jackson; (209) 295-4499; www.mstw.org. J.H.

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5

RED

This Tony-winning play by John Logan gets a top-notch production under the direction of Jerry Montoya, as legendary painter Mark Rothko (Brian Dykstra) initiates his young assistant, Ken (David McElwee) into art, intellect and ego while working on his famous series of paintings. Tu, W, Th, F 7pm;

Sa 8pm; selected Th 2pm & Su 1pm shows (call to confirm). Through 9/22. $23-$35. B Street

ER B M E T P E S IN

Theatre, 2711 B St.; (916) 443-5300; www.bstreettheatre.org. P.R.

5

RED HERRING

If writers are like feral cats, this play by Theresa Rebeck proves that the world is their litter box. An extremely well-done play about smart, funny and unpleasant people.

T 6:30pm; W 2pm & 6:30pm; Th, F 8pm; Sa 5pm and 9pm; Su 2pm. Through 9/25. $23-$35. The B Street Theatre, 2711 B Street; (916) 443-5300; www.bstreettheatre.org. K.M.

Short reviews by Jim Carnes, Jeff Hudson, Maxwell McKee, Kel Munger and Patti Roberts.

o n n e w s s ta n d s

SEMINAR

Exp. 9/30/12

september 20

SN&R readers’ choice winners announced in this issue

A “flatfoot in high heels” (Joelle Robertson) is on the trail of a pinko conspiracy in this Cold War farce, which features some hysterical multitasking from Elizabeth Holzman and Jouni Kirjola in several roles. Directed by Benjamin T. Ismail. Th, F, Sa 8pm; Su 2:30pm. Through 9/15. $13-$15. Big Idea Theatre, 1616 Del Paso Boulevard; (916) 960-3036; www.bigideatheatre.com. M.M.

4

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Conveniently located at the corner of 8th & P BEFORE

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41

Show timeS valid Sept 7 – 13, 2012 Now playiNg

2 dayS iN New york

opeNiNg Fri, Sept 7

sleepwalk with me

Rated R Co-Presented by Sac French Film Fest Fri-Sun 12:25 3:00 5:25 8:35 Mon-Wed 5:25 8:35 Thu 8:35 only

Dream on Sleepwalk With Me

Now playiNg

Farewell my QUeeN Starring Diane Kruger Rated R Fri 12:00 2:30 5:00 7:45 Mon-Tue 5:00 7:45 Ends Tue. Sept. 11

Not Rated Fri-Sun 12:45 3:20 5:45 8:10 Mon-Thu 5:45 8:10

1013 K Street - 916.442.7378 join the list - www.thecrest.com

Stand-up comic Mike Birbiglia’s Sleepwalk With Me started out as a one-man show performed off Broadway in 2008. From there, it became a by Jim Lane bestselling book, Sleepwalk With Me: and Other Painfully True Stories in 2010. Now, fleshed out with a supporting cast, it’s a movie directed by and starring Birbiglia and written by him with Ira Glass, (brother) Joe Birbiglia and Seth Barrish. The movie is pleasant entertainment with overtones of personal confession, enjoyable if you can disregard any lingering memories of Annie Hall. But that’s not easy to do; Woody Allen’s 1977 masterpiece haunts the dark recesses of Sleepwalk With Me like the ghost of Anne Boleyn stalking the corridors of the Tower of London.

3

Not a good place to sleep.

1 Poor

2 Fair

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42

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Good

4 Very Good

5 excellent

Birbiglia plays Matt Pandamiglio, a name that underscores and italicizes the feeling of autobiography. Matt’s aim in life is to be a stand-up comic, so he works tending bar in a comedy club, snatching the odd five minutes onstage when the boss will let him. When he does, we see there are two obstacles to Matt’s reaching his goal: his jokes are lousy, and his delivery is worse—shamefaced, as if he knows (and who wouldn’t?) that he has no right to be up there.

Like Annie Hall’s Alvy Singer, Matt opens the movie talking to the camera, asking us to turn off our cellphone, and telling us how “it all started” when he and his girlfriend Abby (Lauren Ambrose) decided to move in together. It was clearly more Abby’s decision than Matt’s; she’s a beaming redhead, perky and vivacious, while he’s withdrawn to the point of appearing drab, wearing his guarded diffidence like a cloak of invisibility.

An engagement party for Matt’s sister Janet (Cristin Milioti) turns up the familial heat on Matt and Abby: “You’re next!” “She’s a keeper!” Finally, a deadly question: “How long have you and Abby been together?” The brutal truth: eight years, more than twice as long as Janet and her new fiancé. Later that

night, as they prepare for bed, Matt tries to joke about it. “You don’t really want to get married, right?” Hope flickers in Abby’s eyes before she can hide it. “You asking?” “No …

I …” Hope dies. “Then, no.”

That night, Abby is awakened to find Matt attacking the clothes hamper, groggily raving that there’s a jackal in their room. Matt’s overbearing father (James Rebhorn) worries that Matt needs to see a doctor, but Matt blows it off, even when his nocturnal spells grow worse under Abby’s timid feelers about marriage and kids: Matt dreams that he’s on the winner’s stand after his gold medal in the Dustbuster Olympics; in real life, he falls off the dresser and bangs his head.

Against all odds, comedy gigs start opening up for Matt, and he spends more and more time on the road—usually in backwater colleges and clubs for small change and free food; places that’ll take anybody. Matt’s jokes are still rotten, and he still knows it—until he starts making jokes about “my girlfriend,” and how he doesn’t want to get married until he’s sure nothing else good will ever happen to him. He starts getting laughs, and his diffidence begins to change from a hiding place to a style. He’s away from home more and more, but Abby’s still back there, and the stresssleepwalking grows more and more obvious; a fellow comic tells him he’s not really supposed to act his dreams out: “They’re like movies, y’know, you just sorta watch ’em.”

Sleepwalk With Me is pleasant entertainment with overtones of personal confession, enjoyable if you can disregard any lingering memories of Annie Hall.

But that’s not easy to do.

Mike Birbiglia does in fact suffer from an extreme sleep disorder—the official term is “REM behavior disorder”—and the climactic near disaster that happens to Matt really happened to him. The clear sense that we’re seeing the barely veiled story of Birbiglia’s real life saves Sleepwalk With Me from being a shameless ripoff. Birbiglia himself—or at least Matt—comes off as an amiable schlub, slowly finding his real self onstage and off. And even within the Annie Hall template, there are surprises: Lauren Ambrose’s Abby is an unexpected pleasure, especially when she brightens the screen singing in a voice like a silver bell, an impromptu verse of “Side By Side.”

Matt/Mike invites us to sleepwalk with him. All in all, the two of them aren’t unpleasant company. Ω

by JONATHAN KIEFER & JIM LANE

4

•

Celeste & Jesse Forever

2 5 0 8 L A N D PA R K D R I V E L A N D PA R K & B R O A D WAY F R E E PA R K I N G A D J A C E N T T O T H E AT R E

Director Lee Toland Krieger’s soulfully soundtracked romantic comedy stars Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg as young Los Angeles lovers who struggle to move on, and to maintain their friendship, after divorcing each other. It gets silly and messy, as you’d expect.

Also sad and funny and true. Jones co-wrote the script (with actor Will McCormack, who appears here in a supporting role), and has, of course, flattered herself; more precisely, she’s created an opportunity to affirm not just her beauty and on-screen appeal, already obvious, but also the range of her emotional intelligence. Authentic, self-aware and clearly aspiring to the highest standards of its genre, the movie is easy to like without seeming cheap—as generous to its audience as to its characters. Co-stars include Chris Messina, Emma Roberts, Rebecca Dayan, Ari Graynor and Elijah Wood. J.K.

2

Farewell, My Queen

Adapting Chantal Thomas’ novel, with Gilles Taurand, French director Benoît Jacquot delves into the uneasily gradual onset of the French Revolution, as observed from Versailles. It’s hard not to read this, for better and worse, as a reclamation from Sofia Coppola and consequent restoration to the presumed dignity of sumptuous, period-accurate detail.

This Marie Antoinette, played by a gleaming Diane Kruger, preens herself into a triangle with a reader servant (Léa Seydoux), from whose increasingly alert perspective the film plays out, and a very special friend (Virginie Ledoyan).

After a few nonverbal raptures and some slinking, candlelit camera moves, the heat of libidinous sensuality dissipates into lukewarm suds.

What’s left is Jacquot’s discretion, his delicate way with impending doom. J.K.

3

Hit and Run

A former getaway driver for bank robbers, now in the Witness Protection Program (Dax Shepard), risks blowing his cover to drive his girlfriend (Kristen Bell) to a job interview in Los Angeles; he also risks falling into the clutches of the friend he ratted out (Bradley Cooper), while his inept parole officer (Tom Arnold) and her ex-boyfriend (Michael Rosenbaum) follow in hot pursuit. For Shepard, this is almost a one-man show—he also wrote, co-directed with David Palmer and co-edited with Keith Croket. The result is a wacky trailertrash farce with careening and crashing cars instead of slamming doors—and in its raunchy, lowbrow way, it’s surprisingly funny much of the time. The supporting cast is also strong, with well-turned cameos from David Koechner, Beau Bridges, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes. J.L.

3

- LOS ANGELES TIMES

Lawless

In the Virginia backwoods during Prohibition, three brothers (Tom Hardy, Jason Clarke, Shia LaBeouf) have a good moonshine business going, until a crooked “special deputy” (Guy Pearce) wants his cut—and takes sadistic pleasure in not taking “no” for an answer. Speaking of sadistic pleasures, director John Hillcoat indulges some of his own in flesh-and-blooding out Nick Cave’s script (from Matt Bondurant’s novel about his own grandfather). It’s unrelentingly violent and not for the squeamish, but if you can take it, there’s good stuff here: Hardy is a tower of inarticulate strength, and LaBeouf (as a sort of hillbilly Michael Corleone) matches him as his callow

BEFORE

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“MESMERIZING MIND-BENDER.” - Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

WED/THUR: 11:00AM, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50PM

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CELESTE & JESSE FOREVER

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Cosmopolis

With characteristic stilted menace, David Cronenberg directs his own adaptation of Don DeLillo’s 2003 novel, an unfortunately uncinematic cavalcade of actors seeking a challenge and getting let down. Most prominent among these is Twilight heartthrob Robert Pattinson as the detached billionaire financier, chauffeured through a variously beleaguered Manhattan for a haircut and a date with destiny. It’s only mildly amusing that Pattinson’s best moments suggest a vampire staring out of his coffin. Also among the squandered are Jay Baruchel, Juliette Binoche, Mathieu Amalric, Samantha Morton and Paul Giamatti. DeLillo’s macho-cerebral dialogue—at once urgent and self-suffocating— feels wrong for any film, especially one so deliberately impeded as this. In Cronenberg’s prosaic display, the eerie quietude of a soundproof stretch limo only begets boredom. “Halfway clever but mostly shallow,” in one noncharacter’s phrase, and ultimately a mannered treatise on the death throes of capitalism, it does at least achieve a certain uniformity of inner deadness. J.K.

3

“SLY & DELIGHTFUL, DELICIOUSLY UNEXPECTED.”

Yearning

A bad version of The Exorcist rakes in the demon laugh.

1

The Possession

A girl buys an odd little box at a yard sale that turns out to contain a dybbuk, a demon of Jewish folklore, who takes possession of her body, to the dismay of her divorced parents (Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick). Juliet Snowden and Stiles White’s script is supposedly inspired by a Los Angeles Times article. The article (“A jinx in a Box?” by Leslie Gornstein; July 25, 2004) is easily available online, and even a cursory reading shows the movie up for what it is—a stale and shameless rip-off of The Exorcist, into which director Ole Bornedal manages to inject not one whit of scares or suspense. Sedgwick stands out (or rather, sticks out) in a largely unknown cast. Did she lose a bet? Blackmailed? Need the money? J.L. kid brother. Good work, too, from Jessica Chastain and Mia Wasikowska as their respective sweethearts, and Gary Oldman as a Chicago gangster. J.L.

2

ParaNorman

A timid, bookish kid (voice by Kodi Smit-McPhee), bullied at school and punished at home because he talks to ghosts, tries to save his town from a witch’s curse dating back 300 years, his mission complicated by an invasion of zombies. Directors Chris Butler and Sam Fell dress Butler’s script up with a visually inventive mix of stop-motion puppet animation and CGI, aiming at the delicious creepiness of The Nightmare Before Christmas or Coraline, but evidently that sort of thing is harder to pull off than Tim Burton and Henry Selick make it look.

Here the effect is not so much creepy as simply unpleasant, and Butler’s basic theme—be nice to people: Today’s schoolyard bully is tomorrow’s witch-hunting bigot—becomes as dreary and preachy as a finger-shaking lecture from a purse-lipped school counselor. J.L.

3

Premium Rush

A Manhattan bicycle messenger with superhuman reflexes and no brakes (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) undertakes a delivery for the ex-roommate of his ex-girlfriend (Dania Ramirez)—but whatever he’s carrying is also sought by a menacing stranger (Michael Shannon), who turns out to be a dirty cop with a gambling problem and poor impulse control.

Director David Koepp (who co-wrote with John Kamps) takes an outlandish and far-fetched premise, gussies it up with slow-mo, freezeframes and a time-shifting narrative flow, and turns it into a lightning-paced, hyper-adrenalized entertainment. Koepp and Kamps add a Looney Tunes in-joke—the hero’s nickname is Wilee and he works for Road Runner Messenger Service—but they never explain why he (or anyone) would want to be identified with that hapless, incompetent coyote. J.L.

3

Robot & Frank

Director Jake Schreier’s wryly sentimental sci-fi movie looks forward not to a future of epic dystopia, but rather the homelier obsolescence of pre-modern houses and libraries and the denizens thereof in leafy upstate New York. Here dwells Frank Langella as a reclusive curmudgeon, fading into forgetfulness, who finds himself supplied by his son (James Marsden) with a robot caretaker, of which his daughter (Liv Tyler) doesn’t approve.

As it happens, the old man once was a cat burglar, and the robot, which speaks with the ominously mild voice of Peter Sarsgaard, might prove useful for a rejuvenating heist. Mercifully less clunky than its title, Christopher Ford’s script glances briefly at the philosophical implications of memory wipes, but mostly just gives itself over to the innocuous, handsomely photographed neutrality and genre-agnosticism

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of a TV commercial, Schreier’s specialty.

Susan Sarandon co-stars. J.K.

4

September 1st

Ruby Sparks

The young author of a sensational first novel (Paul Dano), paralyzed by writer’s block ever since, tries to break the curse with a simple exercise to write his ideal woman, and succeeds beyond his dreams—the woman comes to life as his new girlfriend (Zoe Kazan, who also wrote the script). But like all well-written characters, she takes on a life of her own, and his efforts to rewrite her back into line bring misery to them both. Kazan has written herself a star-making part (and a damn good one for Dano, too), and directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris (Little Miss Sunshine) deploy their penchant for freewheeling quirkiness to good effect. J.L.

4

3

’11

’11

Yoga Seed Collective

’11

501(c)(3)

Details at:

1400 E St. Sacramento, CA 95814

www.theyogaseed.org

REEL

REVIEWS. EVERY THURSDAY. YOU’RE WELCOME, FILM GEEKS.

A FUNNY AND INSIGHTFUL MOVIE. ”

“

I could have watched it for ten hours.

-Judd Apatow

GRADE: A - A charming oddball comedy.”

“

-Lisa Schwarzbaum, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

ffff! Here’s something fresh–the coming-of-funny film.”

“

–Joshua Rothkopf, TIME OUT NEW YORK

Sparkle

Three sisters (Jordin Sparks, Carmen Ejogo, Tika Sumpter) sneak out of the house at night to appear in clubs as a rising hot (in more ways than one) girl group, behind the back of their hyper-religious mother (Whitney Houston in her last screen role). The script by Mara Brock Akil and Howard Rosenman transfers the 1976 cult hit from 1950s Harlem to ’60s Detroit with faults and virtues intact. The story runs to cliché, and not every plot point rings true. But redeeming pleasures include excellent acting, first-rate musical performances, and a glossy, high-class look courtesy of director Salim Akil and cinematographer Anastas Mikos. Akil also gets credit for (at long last) drawing a good performance from Mike Epps as Ejogo’s sleazeball boyfriend. J.L.

STORY

’11

All Donation–Based Yoga

Searching for Sugar Man

Malik Bendjelloul’s documentary wonders what became of Sixto Rodriguez, the mysterious Mexican-American folk singer who in the 1970s was huge in South Africa, without even knowing it, while unaccountably irrelevant in his hometown of Detroit.

Interesting story, actually—moving, surprising and somewhat spoilable by Google, so try to go in with ears open and already knowing as little as possible. Some mystery remains anyway; in Bendjelloul’s telling, a spirit of rediscovery trumps real investigation, but there’s enough substance here to discern Rodriguez as a man of genuine modesty and unfakeable street-poet steez. Tellingly, those who testify to his greatness include not just music-industry personnel but also a brewery owner and a construction worker. And the songs—dusky, unvarnished brooders of the Nick Drake variety—say plenty, too. Its case firmly made that Rodriguez belongs among the most adored of American troubadours, this movie might well reestablish him. J.K.

Yoga?

“ THE FUNNIEST, MOST TENDER, THOUGHTFUL

AND DOWNRIGHT BRILLIANT COMEDY WE’VE SEEN IN YEARS.” -James Mullinger, GQ From the producers of This American Life

Mike Birbiglia Lauren Ambrose

sleepwalk with me A FILM BY MIKE BIRBIGLIA

EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT STARTS FRIDAY, 9/7 |

A RT S & C U LT U R E

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1013 K STREET (916) 442-CREST SACRAMENTO

09.06.12

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THOMAS PORTER & COPPER RIVER THE BLUEGRASS BROTHERS CASH’D OUT (FRI NIGHT ONLY) (JOHNNY CASH TRIBUTE BAND)

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Robert Glasper

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Punk in the DNA?

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

CAMACAUZ-Z

MARCELLA - CHERRY RED - TRE SOLID - AZIZ MASYAH - CALIFORNIA BEAR GANG J MENACE - KG MANO - STUDDER - KAYLEE

Sacto foursome G. Green ripens, gives a lil’ attitude

PHOTO BY LIZ DONNER

Liles and Henderson, both 23, first met in their teens: She used to put on below-the-board shows in her living room, and he’d light-rail in from Folsom to attend. One day, the night of a Thee Oh Sees gig, she moved it from Chez Liles to another Midtown spot. But Henderson showed up at her door, anyway. And quickly became friends.

And, of course, friendships multiply. Two became four. “Then,” Henderson says, “it was like, ‘You are all my friends, you will be my band.’”

On a recent Sunday evening drinking IPAs at The Golden Bear, the duo explained how G. Green perseveres.

Liles calls herself the “little mom” in the group, obsessed with plans and being in control.

Henderson’s the visionary: He pens the tunes and presents them to the others during regular Monday practice. But not before filling his belly with zesty soup and noodles from Shoki Ramen House on R Street with Liles, a regular G. Green tradition.

Indeed, the band has its customs. They don’t call it being “serious,” though—and, more than once, Henderson remarks how “it’s amazing that the band is as well-oiled as it is.”

So, perhaps G. Green goes forth and continues to attract ears because the group is, simply put, not phony. They’re real.

G. Green’s (left to right) Simi Sohota, Mike Morales and Andrew Henderson look on as Liz Liles gets bloody during a recent video shoot.

G. Green plays two gigs this week: one is “under the radar,” but another is opening for the Fresh & Onlys at Blue Lamp, 1400 Alhambra Boulevard; 7 p.m.; $12.

Buy G. Green’s debut LP Crap Culture at Phono Select (2312 K Street) or at http://mtstmtn.com.

crappy bands like Sucks and Fatty Acid. Her percussive talents did not yet—how does one put this—fire on all cylinders; the beats were as infectious as the prospect of catching hantavirus.

But there was promise. Great promise.

And, today, it’s a promise fulfilled: The duo now makes up the backbone of G. Green, a really damn good Midtown foursome with a ferocious punk streak, but one that’s also tempered by a fondness for pop and indie styling.

The band’s tunes hit quick and spark during live sets: Henderson is relaxed, confident at the mic; Liles fortifies the uptempo vibe with astute stickdrum reverberations. It’s a fun, but contrary, punk band.

Liles, though, calls them “poppy” punk— “because being in a punk band is really boring.”

They play live infrequently, but this is their week (two shows), so green-light a trip to the Blue Lamp on Tuesday and witness; the troupe’s opening for San Francisco garage rockers the Fresh & Onlys.

Henderson and Liles—along with guitarist Simi Sohota and bassist Mike Morales—constitute the latest incarnation of G. Green, which Henderson says, appreciatively, has remained static for the past year. That’s right: The band’s had its share of drama and lineup changes since Henderson and KDVS’ Rick Ele first started jamming under the moniker a few years back.

Liz Liles calls her band “poppy” punk, “because being in a punk band is really boring.”

As a kid, Liles’ parents played her the Ramones, Young Marble Giants and Fear records. There’s no science to prove it, but she’s probably got punk in her DNA. Henderson’s childhood home, meanwhile, was music-free; he remembers listening to The Lord of the Rings soundtrack as a teen before acquiring a ferocious itch for indie and punk sounds. But these days, he goes to “at least three or four” shows a week, when he’s not clerking at a local record store. And they both share a strong affection for Australian punk rock—groups such as Bedroom Suck, Deaf Wish, R.I.P. Society and Royal Headache.

They may not be serious, but they’re singleminded when it comes to music. And with a bracing attitude.

As Henderson puts it: “Australian bands are the music I like. I think all other music is shit.” Ω

ARSONISTS GET ALL THE GIRLS

Best

It wasn’t long ago when G. Green founding members Andrew Henderson and Liz Liles were two inspired, but still awkward, newbies in the local by Nick Miller music scene. Henderson would play these solo acoustic sets and almost hide behind his guitar. ni c kam@ His mouth would widen, there’d be sounds newsreview.c om coming out, but it wasn’t quite singing. It was a bizarre yawp, a voice that was at once clumsy and undeniable. Not unlike whale coitus. Liles, meanwhile, was the cute-girl drummer in really

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 8

HIPNO5E - EXOTIC ANIMAL PETTING ZOO OF REFLECTIONS - CALISTA SKY IN THEORY - THE WAR WITHIN

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14

ROSE FUNERAL

THE KENNEDY VEIL - SOMA RAS GARY BUSEY AMBER ALERT (G.B.A.A.) ...AND COME BACK BRUTAL A PLAGUE UPON HER

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CELEBRATING OUR 20TH ANNIVERSARY ALL YEAR LONG!

VOTED BEST COMEDY CLUB BY THE SACRAMENTO NEWS & REVIEW!

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THURSDAY 9/6 - SUNDAY 9/9

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09.06.12 | SN&R | 45

06THURS

07FRI

07FRI

07FRI

Buckethead

V101.1 Funk Fest

The Four Eyes

Tedeschi Trucks Band

Ace of Spades, 8 p.m., $20

True story: A few months ago, we were idling at an intersection in Crescent City when this guy walked by with a KFC bucket Rock perched atop his head. This sighting, naturally, led to a discussion about Buckethead, the guitarist who once played with Guns N’ Roses and also wears a red-and-white fast-food container on his head. (He also sports a Halloween-styled mask and pretends to be a robot, but that’s beside the point). “Wait—a KFC bucket?

Not just any bucket?” I asked. But what do I know? Guitar One magazine, in fact, named him one of the “Top 10 Greatest Guitar Shredders of All Time.” 1417 R Street, www.bucketheadland.com.

—Rachel Leibrock

Thunder Valley Casino Resort, 7 p.m., $39.50-$69.50

Blue Lamp, 8 p.m., $5

Revisit 1980s-era funk, rap, R&B, and pop as extended dance grooves from four former hit makers reverberate at Thunder Valley Casino Resort’s summer amphitheater.

Prince protégé Morris Day (pictured) and the Time (“Jungle Love”) headline the show with its carnal, hybrid-Minneapolis sound intact.

Rap pioneer, hip-hop legend and evangelist Kurtis Blow (“The Breaks”) is known for conjuring up instant block parties. Expect the eight-piece the S.O.S. Band to wring plenty of fuNk sensual mileage from “Take Your Time (Do It Right).” And Midnight Star’s hook-laden synth-funk ensures that there certainly will be “No Parking (On the Dance Floor).” 1200 Athens Avenue in Lincoln, www.v1011fm.com.

—Mark Halverson

bucketheAd samples

Tedeschi Trucks Band is fronted by the first couple of blue-eyed blues, Susan Tedeschi and Derek Trucks. Both have well-established careers at a relatively young age: Trucks plays guitar in the Allman Brothers Band, and is a sturdier replacement for Duane Allman than Dickey Betts; Tedeschi is a powerful blues-rock singer, mixing Janis’ wails with Aretha’s gospel. Tedeschi Trucks Band is an 11-piece supergroup consisting of long-time collaborators of both musicians who, apparently, get along well with others. Perhaps they’re all best when working together: TTB’s 2011 debut Revelator won a blueS Rock Grammy. The group is supporting Everybody’s Talkin’, released in May. 242 E. Main Street in Stockton, www.derekandsusan.com.

—Aaron Carnes

Ace of SpAdeS thursday, september 6

Bob Hope Theatre, 8 p.m., $25-$85

Any band playing catchy, pop-culture-loving punk tunes owes a debt of gratitude to Sacramento pop-punker Kepi Ghoulie— including fellow locals the Four Eyes. The band’s gone a somewhat goofier route and tips its hat a little bit more toward the pop-puNk 1960s Nuggets compilations’ garage-rock sounds.

Otherwise, it plays solid, lighthearted, threechord bubblegum-punk songs. But not love songs—songs about Death Race 2000, Mr. T and hats. The Four Eyes play fun, energetic sets and sometimes wear suits or Halloween costumes. Plus, it has a weird thing for backup dancers who can change from being go-go dancers, yetis, Optimus Prime or a guy wearing an oversized robot head. 1400 Alhambra Boulevard, www.thefoureyes.com.

1417 R Street, Sacramento, 95814 www.aceofspadessac.com

All Ages Welcome!

thursday, september 13

with rob sonic & big wiz - dark sunshine

AnthrAx & teStAment

StAtic x winds of plague - the browning davey suicide - chernobog

death angel

saturday, september 8

rehAb

moonshine bandits - matt w. gage malcom bliss monday, september 10

blAqk Audio hi deaf

wednesday, september 12

irAtion &

the expendAbleS cisco adler

saturday, september 15

quiet riot

maxxx - force of habit - force multiplied tuesday, september 18

flobotS astronautalis - forrest day

thursday, september 20

tomorrowS bAd SeedS

through the roots - simple creation street urchinz - island of black & white

Tickets available at all Dimple Records Locations, The Beat Records, and Armadillo Records, or purchase by phone @ 916.443.9202

46 | SN&R | 09.06.12

COMING

AeSop rock SOON friday, september 14

friday, september 7

—Jonathan Mendick

9/21 9/22 9/24 9/26 9/27 9/28 9/29 10/5 10/6 10/7 10/10 10/11 10/13 10/14 10/16 10/17

10/20 10/23 10/24 10/27 11/3 11/6 11/8 11/9 11/14 11/16 11/18 11/19 12/7 12/8 12/11 12/14

Beyond All Ends The Used Kreator GZA Hatebreed Ozomatli Dead Rabbits J Boog Zion-I Iwrestledabearonce Steve Vai D.R.I Morbid Angel Abandon All Ships Matisyahu The World Alive & Born of Osirus Del The Funky Homosapien Motion City Soundtrack Alesana Groundation Colt Ford Gwar Miss May I Blue October Minus The Bear The Faint Pierce The Veil Woe, is Me Streetlight Manifesto Motionless in White Blood On The Dance Floor The English Beat

08SAT

09SUN

10MON

11TUES

Kool & the Gang

Blame Sally

Silversun Pickups

The Fresh & Onlys

Sunrise MarketPlace, 8 p.m., $39.50-$82.50

Harlow’s, 8 p.m., $25

“Celebration” has been a staple after every Oakland Athletics home win for more than 25 years. But Kool & the Gang’s roots go back to 1964 when the Bell brothers—bassist Robert and saxophonist Ronald—formed the Jazziacs. After renaming the group, it broke out with the pounding funk of 1973’s “Jungle Boogie,” had a post-disco hit with “Ladies Night” in ’79, and delved into R&B in the ’80s with vocalist James “J.T.” Taylor. Songs like “Get Down on It” and “Cherish” were both AM- and FM-radio standards. Five fuNk decades into it, Taylor is gone, but the Bell brothers continue to bring the funky stuff. 5912 Sunrise Mall in Citrus Heights, www.koolandthegang.com.

—Paul Piazza

Mondavi Center, 7:30 p.m., $32.50

Don’t fret if you missed the rockin’ postboomer babes of San Francisco band Blame Sally when it recorded a performance at the ameRicaNa KVIE Public Television studios last December.

Catch kickin’ instrumentation framing fourpart harmonies and the crooning of cleverly penned lyrics when Blame Sally hits the stage at Harlow’s. Fresh off the plane from a monthlong Germany tour (supporting its March release, Live at KVIE Studios, Vol. 1) the band’s eclectic melding of rock and folk—seasoned with a little country, tied to sometimes bittersweet tales—makes for some riveting tunes. Pick up a copy of the freshly minted Blame Sally Live at the KVIE Studios: A Concert for Public Television DVD after this show, too.

2708 J Street, www.blamesally.com.

After scoring hits with “Lazy Eye” and “Well Thought Out Twinkles” from 2006’s Carnavas, and blowing up the airwaves with the scorching rocker “Panic Switch” from 2009’s Swoon, Silversun Pickups’ latest release, Neck of the Woods, quickly became one of 2012’s most anticipated modern-rock projects. Sadly, the sonic beauty and variety that made the group’s previous albums so noteworthy and cohesive are largely missing Rock here. While the fuzzy aggressive rocker “Skin Graph” demonstrates that the band still rocks, and “The Pit” is a synths-meets-modern-rock hybrid, the rest of the album is a plodding, directionless mess (see “Bloody Mary (Nerve Endings)”). 9399 Old Davis Road in Davis, www.silversunpickups.com.

—Saunthy Nicolson-Singh

ThUrSdayS

rocK on live aoKe Kar banicdrocK // 9pm // Free acouSt

September 6 – 9

THURS 9/6 AT 8PM

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF RIO LINDA

FRI 9/7 - SUN 9/9 TY BARNETT WITH SPECIAL GUEST LUKE FRANCIS Live Music in the Legends Lounge: Saturday 9/8 at 4pm The Ken Koenig Band - No cover

Sunday 9/9 at 3pm The Crystal Image Band - No cover

Tuesday 9/11 - 7pm Open Mic Jam with host band Liquorsick

Wednesday 9/12 - 8pm Karaoke with KJ Ryan

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT: Laughsunlimited.com Call Club for showtimes, prices and reservation (916) 446-5905 • 446-8128 Two item minimum - 17 and over 1207 Front Street in Old Sacramento

The recent release from the Fresh & Onlys, Long Slow Dance—or LSD—marks its fourth studio album; not bad for a band that has only been around since 2008. Its garage-pop vibe is just on the verge of over-the-top pop psychedelic rock but pulls back just enough to trip too deep. You know, the quintessential San Francisco indie band.

Complete with Buddy Holly jangle and effortless croon, the group is a music blogger’s dream. Sacramento art rockers G. Green will also bring a psych-tinged sound to make it a night of modern nostalgia. Expect plenty of creepily coiffed mustaches paired with PBR tall boys. 1400 Alhambra Boulevard, www.thefreshandonlys.blogspot.com.

—Allison Mayoral

—Brian Palmer

OMAR RODRIGUEZ LOPEZ

GUITARIST FROM THE MARS VOLTA

OCT 23 – HARLOWS

FrI 9/7

2 FOR 1 WITH THIS AD

Blue Lamp, 8 p.m., $21

the honey wilderS the three maSonS 9pm // $5 SaT 9/8

tba// pop // 9pm // $5 indie

TUES 9/11

happy hour SerieS: dirt nap band 5:30pm // Free

mic acouStic open // 8pm // Free talent ShowcaSe

JAKE SHIMABUKURO

OCT 25 · SAC CITY COLLEGE PERFORMING ARTS CENTER

NEEDTOBEATHE

OCT 30 · FREEBORN HALL, UC DAVIS

wEd 9/12

ity not included San comedy tour Feat chad meiSenheimer, megan covarrubiaS, brett mann, Saul trujillo, jaSon violation, jimmie the comedian menezeS, auStin hodge

8pm // $12 adv $10

ticKetS now on Sale For these upcoming shows at www.marilynsonk.com $3 TallbOy Pbr

MING EVENTS: UPCO Forget to pick up your advance tix to

don’t chuck’s annual pirate and wench party (costume dance party) saturday september 15th! sexrat, golden ghosts & sicFus perForm saturday sept 29

BLAME SALLY

SAVOY BROWN

CHRIS TRAPPER & HANS EBERBACH

ZACH DEPUT Y

K ATIE KNIPP

STORM LARGE

SEPT 9 · HARLOWS

SEPT 20 · SHINE COFFEEHOUSE CD RELEASE PARTY SEPT 22 · HARLOWS

STEELIN’ DAN

A TRIBUTE TO THE MUSIC OF STEELY DAN OCT 20 · HARLOWS

OCT 21 · HARLOWS

OCT 24 · HARLOWS

OCT 30 · HARLOWS

CLOSE TO YOU

A TRIBUTE TO THE CARPENTERS NOV 2 · HARLOWS

908 K Street // 916.446.4361

++Free parking aFter 6pm with validation @ 10th & l garage+

B E F O R E | F R O N T L I N E S | F E A T U R E S T O R Y | A R T S & C U L T U R E | A F T E R |

09.06.12 | SN&R | 47

NIGHTBEAT

THURSDAY 9/6

FRIDAY 9/7

2003 K St., (916) 448-8790

Tipsy Thursdays, Top 40 deejay dancing, 9pm, call for cover

Fabulous and Gay Fridays, 9pm, call for cover

SUNDAY 9/9

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY 9/10-9/12

Saturday Boom, 9pm, call for cover

Sin Sunday, 8pm, call for cover

Mad Mondays, 9pm M; Latin video flair and Wii bowling, 7pm Tu

BLUE LAMP

THE SESSION, 9pm, $5

FOUR EYES, BLUE SKIES FOR BLACK HEARTS, BACKSEAT LOVERS; 8:30pm

SMIRKER, LE KELTON; 9pm, $8

MERCIES, AUTUMN SKY, ALEX NELSON, HONYOCK; 5pm; call for cover

THE FRESH & ONLYS, TERRY MALTS; 8pm Tu, $12

9426 Greenback Ln., Orangevale; (916) 988-9247

CAMACAUZ-Z, MARCELLA, CHERRY RED, TRE SOLID, AZIZ, MASYAH; 8pm

ARSONISTS GET ALL THE GIRLS, HYPNO5E, BISPORA, CALISTA SKY, 7pm

CAPITOL GARAGE

Champion Sound Reggae, 10pm, $5

Papasotes’s Karaoke Explosion, 9pm, no cover

Geeks Who Drink pub quiz, 8:30pm W, no cover

BADLANDS List your event!

Post your free online listing (up to 15 months early), and our editors will consider your submission for the printed calendar as well. Print listings are also free, but subject to space limitations. Online, you can include a full description of your event, a photo, and a link to your website. Go to www.newsreview.com/calendar and start posting events. Deadline for print listings is 10 days prior to the issue in which you wish the listing to appear.

1400 Alhambra, (916) 455-3400

THE BOARDWALK

1500 K St., (916) 444-3633

SATURDAY 9/8

THE CAVE

AMAZING DISGRACE, DRAWING OUT LIFE, WORD OF MAN; 8pm, $5

APEX OF APATHY, CALL IT OFF, GET BENT, OF STRENGTH & SACRIFICE; 8pm

CENTER FOR THE ARTS

La Trashionistas fashion show, 8pm, $18$20

La Trashionistas fashion show, 8pm, $18$20

3512 Stockton Blvd., (916) 317-9999 314 W. Main St., Grass Valley; (530) 274-8384

DISTRICT 30

DJ Elements, 9pm, call for cover

ELKHORN SALOON

MERLE JAGGER, 7pm, no cover

1016 K St., (916) 737-5770 18398 Old River Rd., West Sacramento; (916) 371-2277

FACES

2000 K St., (916) 448-7798

FOX & GOOSE Hey local bands!

Want to be a hot show?

Mail photos to Calendar Editor, SN&R, 1124 Del Paso Blvd., Sacramento, CA 95815 or email it to sactocalendar@ newsreview.com. Be sure to include date, time, location and cost of upcoming shows.

Deejay dancing and karaoke, 9pm, $3

Hip-hop and Top 40 Deejay dancing, 9pm, $5-$10

Hip-hop and Top 40 Deejay dancing, 9pm, $5-$10

Comedy open-mic, 7pm, $3

Dragalicious, 9pm, $5

Queer Idol, 9pm M, no cover; Latin night, 9pm Tu, $5; DJ Alazzawi, 9pm W, $3

1001 R St., (916) 443-8825

BOSCOE’S BROOD, KIRK ROSS, SKIPPIN’ RICHARD MARCH, CLAUDEO, BROOK; 8-11pm, no cover BATHTUB GINS; 9pm-midnight, $5

ATOMIC BRIDE, DRIVE-THRU MYSTICS, CAPTAIN AMAZING; 9pm, $5

THE GOLDEN BEAR

DJ Shaun Slaughter, 10pm, call for cover

DJ Crook One, 10pm, call for cover

DJ Whores, 10pm, no cover

Industry Night, 9pm, call for cover

HARLOW’S

17-PIECE BIG BAND, 7pm, $8

TAINTED LOVE, 10pm, $15

BY SUNLIGHT, DOOM BIRD; 10pm, $10

BLAME SALLY, 7pm, $25

LEVEL UP FOOD & LOUNGE

Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

DJ Rock Bottom and The Mookie DJ, 9pm, no cover

LUNA’S CAFÉ & JUICE BAR

Joe Montoya’s Poetry Unplugged, 8pm, $2

MARK CHRYSLER, SASH TKACHEFF, DOMINIC PIETANUZIO; 8:30pm, $8

MARILYN’S ON K

“Rock On” Live Band Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

THE HONEY WILDERS, 8pm, $7

NAKED LOUNGE DOWNTOWN 1111 H St., (916) 443-1927

KEVIN SECONDS, DAVID HOUSTON & STRING THEORY; 8:30pm, $5

FREAK JUICE, OFF COLOR; 8:30pm, $5

COLD HEART REPRESS, BORN INTO THIS, DEAD DADS; 8:30pm, $5

Jazz session, 8:30pm M; GROUNDED, MIND FLOWERS; 8:30pm W, $5

OLD IRONSIDES

Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

GRUB DOG AND THE AMAZING SWEETHEARTS, 50 WATT HEAVY; 7pm

Fascination, ‘80s new wave dance club, 9:30pm, call for cover

THE NUANCE, 7:30pm M; Karaoke, 9pm Tu; Open-mic w/ Nico, 8:30pm W

THE BOBS, 8pm, $20

RICK ESTRIN & THE NIGHTCATS, 8:30pm, $20

DAVE ALVIN & THE GUILTY ONES, 8pm W, $25

2326 K St., (916) 441-2252 2708 J St., (916) 441-4693 2431 J St., (916) 448-8768

1414 16th St., (916) 441-3931 908 K St., (916) 446-4361

1901 10th St., (916) 442-3504

THE PALMS PLAYHOUSE

13 Main St., Winters; (530) 795-1825

Open-mic, 7:30pm M; Pub Quiz, 7pm Tu, STEVE MCLANE, 8pm W, no cover

Hip-hop and R&B deejay dancing, 9:16pm Tu, no cover Nebraska Mondays, 7:30pm M; A Better Life, 6:30pm Tu; Comedy night, 8pm W

TURNBUCKLE BLUES REVIEW, CHRIS SAYERS; 8:30pm, $6

Sanity Not Included comedy tour, 8pm W, $10-$12

GET INKED BY THE BEST! ALL STYLES TRADITIONAL BLACK & GREY

JA PA N E S E

CLEAN & STERILE

ENVIRONMENT

EVERYBODY

WELCOME

LEGACY TATTOO 5140 Folsom Blvd | 916.454.5404 |

LEGACYINKTATTOO.COM

now open mondays

Final Gravit y taproom & Bot tleshop

9205 Sierra College Blvd. #100 | Roseville, CA | 916.782.1166 | www.finalgravitybeer.com specializing in West Coast, northwest and Belgian beers.

48

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09.06.12

THURSDAY 9/6

FRIDAY 9/7

THE PARK ULTRA LOUNGE 1116 15th St., (916) 442-7222

SATURDAY 9/8

SUNDAY 9/9

DJ Eddie Edul, DJ Mike Moss; 9pm, call for cover

DJ Peeti V, 9pm, call for cover

Asylum Downtown: Gothic, industrial, EBM dancing,9pm, call for cover

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY 9/10-9/12

PARLARE EURO LOUNGE

Top 40, 9pm, no cover

Top 40, Mashups, 9pm, no cover

DJ Club mixes, 10pm, no cover

Top 40 dance mixes, 9pm W, no cover

PISTOL PETE’S

Karaoke, 9pm, no cover

LOST IN SUBURBIA, 9pm, $5

BLOCK PARTY, 9pm, $5

Karaoke, 9pm W, no cover

PJ’S ROADHOUSE

DJ Marina, 9pm, no cover

TETON CORP, 9pm, no cover

LOW TIDE RIOT, 9pm, no cover

POWERHOUSE PUB

JASON BUELL BAND, 9:30 pm, call for cover

CHEESEBALLS, 10pm, $12

BOYS OF SUMMER, 10pm, $10

JASON KING, 3pm, call for cover

Country Karaoke, M; DJ Alazzawi, DJ Rigatony, 10pm Tu; ALLINADAY, 9pm W

THE PRESS CLUB

THE MASTER SYSTEM, 9pm, call for cover

Top 40 w/ DJ Rue, 9pm, $5

Top 40 Night w/ DJ Larry Rodriguez, 9pm, $5

Sunday Night Soul Party, 9pm, $5

WORK YOUR SOUL, 9pm M; LEAP IN THE DARK, 8:30pm W, $3

SHENANIGANS

Comedy Night and DJ Selekta Lou, 9pm, $5

ECHO CHARLIE, 8pm, call for cover

SHINE

1400 E St., (916) 551-1400

Thursday Night Jive: a stand-up comedy night, 8pm, $5

URBAN SHERPAS, THE SIGNIFIERS; 8pm, MIKO TOLLIVER, THE SPEAK LOW; 8pm, $5 call for cover

ASTRAL CULT, THE TREES; 7:30pm, $5

Open jazz jam, 8pm Tu; Poetry With Legs with Primal Urge, 7pm W

SOL COLLECTIVE

Skratch Pad, 9pm, call for cover

CHUUWEE, 7pm, call for cover

The Sol Mercado and Kid’s Day, 1pm, no cover

Microphone Mondays, 6pm M, $1-$2

SOPHIA’S THAI KITCHEN

WILDLIFE CONTROL, MIDI MATILDA; 9pm, $5

SOCIAL STUDIES, CROWN PLAZA, ARTS & LEISURE; 9:30pm, $5

FOX & WOMAN, SPLIT SCREENS, TOR HOUSE; 9:30pm, $5

STONEY INN/ROCKIN RODEO

WHISKEY DAWN, JOSHUA PAIGE; 7pm, $10

Country dancing, 7:30pm, no cover, $5 after 8pm

Country dancing, 7:30pm, no cover, $5 after 8pm

Country dance party, 8pm, no cover

Comedy open-mic, 8pm M; Bluebird Lounge open-mic, 5pm Tu, no cover

HERO’S LAST MISSION, XLR8; 6-10pm, $3

RIFF RAFF, SKID ROSES; 4pm, call for cover

NOTHIN’ FANCY, 3-7pm, $8

PAILER AND FRATIS, 5:30-7:30pm, no cover; FOREVER GOLDRUSH, 9pm, $7

JOHNNY KNOX, 5pm, no cover; DANIEL CASTRO, 9pm, $8

Blues jam, 4pm, no cover; BLEEDIN HEARTS, 8pm, $5

1009 10th St., (916) 448-8960

140 Harrison Ave., Auburn; (530) 885-5093 5461 Mother Lode, Placerville; (530) 626-0336 614 Sutter St., Folsom; (916) 355-8586 2030 P St., (916) 444-7914 705 J St., (916) 442-1268

2574 21st St., (916) 832-0916 129 E St., Davis; (530) 758-4333

1320 Del Paso Blvd., (916) 927-6023

SWABBIES

5871 Garden Hwy, (916) 920-8088

TORCH CLUB

X TRIO, 5pm, no cover; LONESOME LOCOMOTIVE, 9pm, $5

TOWNHOUSE LOUNGE

Live music and deejay dancing, 9pm, call Record Club w/ DJ Roger, 9pm, $5, free for cover before 10pm

904 15th St., (916) 443-2797 1517 21st St., (916) 613-7194

Iration with the Expendables and Cisco Adler 6:30pm Wednesday, $20.

Ace of Spades Reggae

Karaoke, 8pm W, call for cover

ANTHONY COLEMAN, EMILY KOLLARS, noon, $10; Pop Freq w/ DJ XGVNR, 9pm

LEW FRATIS, 9pm Tu, $4; Open-mic, 5:30pm W; JAY LINGO, 9pm W, $5 Open-mic, 9pm M, no cover; Eyewitness Wednesdays, 9pm W, no cover

Tainted Love 10pm Friday, $15.

Harlow’s ’80s pop

All ages, all the time ACE OF SPADES

BUCKETHEAD, SAMPLES; 8pm, $20-$25

1417 R St., (916) 448-3300

STATIC X, WINDS OF PLAUGE, BROWNING, DAVEY SUICIDE; 6:30pm, $20

REHAB, MOONSHINE BANDITS, MATT W GAGE, MALCOLM BLISS; 6:30pm, $15

IRATION, THE EXPENDABLES, CISCO ADLER; 6:30pm W, $20

LUIGI’S SLICE AND FUN GARDEN

MOONFACE, 8pm, $10

ZUHG LIFE STORE

GYPSY FISH, 6-8pm Tu, no cover

1050 20th St., (916) 552-0317

545 Downtown Plaza, Ste. 2090, (916) 822-5185

BEFORE

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FRONTLINES

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FEATURE STORY

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A RT S & C U LT U R E

|

AFTER

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09.06.12

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SN&R

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49

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09.06.12 | SN&R | 53

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HEALTH/PERSONALS/ MISCELLANEOUS: PELVIC/TRANSVAGINAL MESH? Did you undergo transvaginal placement of mesh for pelvic organ prolapse or stress urinary incontinence between 2005 and present time? If the patch required removal due to complications, you may be entitled to compensation. Call Johnson Law and speak with female staff members 1-800-535-5727

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SENSUAL TOUCH

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT The following persons are doing business as FREE FLOW TECH at 278 Vail Dr. Chico, CA 95973.

NICK KOEHLER, 9 Roxanne Ct. Chico, CA 95928.

JEREMY MCCARTHY, 278 Vail Dr. Chico, CA 95973.

This business is conducted by a General Partnership.

Signed: NICK KOEHLER Dated: August 7, 2012 FBN Number: 2012-0001165 Published: August 16,23,30, September 6, 2012

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by ROB BREZSNY

FOR THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 6, 2012

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Life tests you

all the time. Sometimes its prods and queries are hard and weird; they come at you with nonstop intensity. On other occasions, the riddles and lessons are pretty fun and friendly, and provide you with lots of slack to figure them out. In all cases, life’s tests offer you the chance to grow smarter, both in your head and heart. They challenge you to stretch your capacities and invite you to reduce your suffering.

Right now, oddly enough, you have some choice in what kinds of tests you’d prefer.

Just keep in mind that the more interesting they are, the bigger the rewards are likely to be.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): According to the religion of ancient Egypt, Tefnut is the goddess of moisture. In the natural world, she rules rain, dew, mist, humidity and condensation. For humans, she is the source of tears, spit, sweat, phlegm and the wetness produced by sex. In accordance with the astrological omens, I nominate her to be your tutelary spirit in the coming week. I suspect you will thrive by cultivating a fluidic sensibility. You will learn exactly what you need to learn by paying special attention to everything that exudes and spills and flows.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’m guessing

that you don’t know the name of the person who sent the first email. It was Ray Tomlinson, and he did it in 1971. You’re probably also unaware that he originated the use of the @ symbol as a key part of email addresses. Now, I’d like to address your own inner Ray Tomlinson, Gemini: the part of you that has done valuable work hardly anyone knows about; the part of you that has created good stuff without getting much credit or appreciation. I celebrate that unsung hero, and I hope you will make a special effort to do the same in the coming week.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Busy editor

Katie Hintz-Zambrano was asked in an interview what she does when she’s not working at her demanding job at Refinery29. She said she likes to get together with her “article club,” which is like a book club, except it’s for people who don’t have time to read anything longer than articles. I would approve of you seeking out shortcut pleasures like that in the next few weeks, Cancerian. It’s one of those phases in your astrological cycle when you have a poetic license to skip a few steps, avoid some of the boring details, and take leaps of faith that allow you to bypass complicated hassles.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Imagine you’re living in 1880. You’re done with work for the day, and are at home enjoying some alone-time leisure activities. What might those be? By the light of your oil lamp, you could read a book, sing songs, compose a letter with pen and paper, or write in your diary. Now transfer your imaginative attention to your actual living space in 2012. It might have a smart phone, tablet, laptop, TV, DVD player and game console. You’ve got access to thousands of videos, movies, songs, social media, websites and networked games.

Aren’t you glad you live today instead of 1880? On the other hand, having so many choices can result in you wasting a lot of time with stimuli that don’t fully engage you. Make this the week you see what it’s like to use your leisure time for only the highest-quality, most interesting and worthwhile stuff.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I’ll bet that

“aha” experiences will arrive at a faster rate than you’ve seen in a long time.

Breakthroughs and brainstorms will be your specialty. Surprises and serendipitous adventures should be your delight. The only factor that might possibly obstruct the flow would be if you clung too tightly to your expectations or believed too fiercely in your old theories about how the world works. I’ve got an idea about how to ensure the best possible outcome. Several times every day, say something like the following: “I love to get my curiosity spiked, my hair mussed, my awe struck, my goose bumps roused, my dogmas exploded and my mind blown.”

BEFORE

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

“Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed,” said the aphorist Henry S. Haskins. That’s good advice for you right now, Libra. It’s an auspicious moment for you to set fire to your defeats, letdowns and discouragements—and let them burn into tiny piles of ashes. I mean all of them, stretching back for years, not simply the recent ones. There’s no need to treat them like precious treasures you have an obligation to lug with you into the future. The time is right for you to deepen your mastery of the art of liberation.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Columnist

Sydney J. Harris told the following story: “I walked with a friend to the newsstand the other night, and he bought a paper, thanking the owner politely. The owner, however, did not even acknowledge it. ‘A sullen fellow, isn’t he?’ I commented as we walked away.

‘Oh, he’s that way every night,’ shrugged my friend. ‘Then why do you continue being so polite to him?’ I asked. And my friend replied, ‘Why should I let him determine how I’m going to act?’” I hope you’ll adopt that approach in the coming week, Scorpio. Be your best self, even if no one appreciates it or responds. Astrologically speaking, this is prime time to anchor yourself in your highest integrity.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In

the 1960 Summer Olympics at Rome, Ethiopian runner Abebe Bikila was barefoot as he won a gold medal in the marathon race. Four years later, at the summer games in Tokyo, he won a gold medal again, this time while wearing shoes. I’m guessing this theme might apply to you and your life in the coming weeks. You have the potential to score another victory in a situation where you have triumphed in the past. And I think it’s even more likely to happen if you vary some fundamental detail, as Bikila did.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

Wikipedia has extensive lists of the biggest unsolved problems in medicine, computer science, philosophy and nine other fields.

Each article treats those riddles with utmost respect and interest, regarding them not as subjects to be avoided but rather embraced. I love this perspective, and urge you to apply it to your own life.

This would be an excellent time, astrologically speaking, to draw up a master list of your biggest unsolved problems. Have fun.

Activate your wild mind. Make it into a game. I bet that doing so will attract a flood of useful information that’ll help you get closer to solving those problems. (Here’s Wikipedia’s big list: http://tinyurl.com/ListofProblems.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): There’s a

certain lesson in love that you have been studying and studying and studying—and yet have never quite mastered. Several different teachers have tried with only partial success to provide you with insights that would allow you to graduate to the next level of romantic understanding. That’s the bad news, Aquarius. The good news is that all this could change in the coming months.

I foresee a breakthrough in your relationship with intimacy. I predict benevolent jolts and healing shocks that will allow you to learn at least some of the openhearted truths that have eluded you all this time.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A mother

wrote to the Car Talk columnists to ask whether it’s possible to cook food on a car engine. She wanted to be able to bring her teenage son piping-hot burritos when she picked him up from school. The experts replied that yes, this is a fine idea. They said there’s even a book about how to do it, Manifold Destiny: The One! The Only! Guide to Cooking on Your Car Engine! I suggest you engage in this kind of creative thinking during the coming week, Pisces. Consider innovations that might seem a bit eccentric. Imagine how you might use familiar things in unexpected ways. Expand your sense of how to coordinate two seemingly unrelated activities.

You can call Rob Brezsny for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope: (900) 950-7700. $1.99 per minute. Must be 18+. Touchtone phone required.

Customer service (612) 373-9785. And don’t forget to check out Rob’s website at www.realastrology.com.

FRONTLINES

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FEATURE

15 MINUTES

by AMY

WONG PHOTO BY AMY WONG

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Send in the elephants Some might see Andy Swan’s personal collection of elephants as signs of a pack rat. But as Swan explains it, “You collect what you love.”

Swan, who displays his collection in a Westfield Downtown Plaza Mall space, also puts in time as a professional circus clown—with the Swan Brothers Circus. Over the years, that’s meant a nomadic existence, traveling from one county fair to the next to find his treasures. Now, Swan, by his own estimation, has accumulated an impressive collection of elephant paraphernalia. Currently, he boasts nearly 15,000 different elephantrelated pieces—a feat he plans to submit for consideration for inclusion in the Guinness World Records.

Swan talks to SN&R about obsessively collecting knickknacks that pay tribute to a former clown partner, his late brother Mike.

Many people know you as the “Elephant Man”; how important is it to your identity?

My identity is more circus clown. My brother [Mike] and I had a two-man circus for 38 years. That was more my identity as a circus performer. But these elephants encouraged me to never give up my dream of someday owning an elephant. But I’m a realist, too, in the fact that you’ve got to be able to properly take care of [them].

How long have you been collecting elephants?

I started collecting them in about 1970 [when] I was with the DeWayne Bros.

Circus. Bimbo the elephant was there. …

I helped take care of him. We enjoyed each other from the moment we saw each other.

That was when I started collecting. Three years later, my brother and I started up the Swan Brothers Circus, a two-man circus.

The [Guinness goal] came to mind after my brother passed away a year-and-a-half ago.

Why is a circus more special with an elephant?

Any circus worth its salt always [wants] an elephant … [but] it’s kind of beyond my financial means now. Elephants are very social animals, and if you have an elephant, it’s best if you have two, because that way, they can socialize.

Favorite elephant celebrity?

Dumbo, because the story’s such a natural.

The theme of Dumbo is: If you can believe you can do something, you can do it—and that’s always entranced me. … In the movie, Dumbo doesn’t think he can fly, and his friend, the mouse, said, “Hold this feather—and if you believe you can fly, you can fly.” There was a moment when he dropped the feather, and he was tumbling,

STORY

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A RT S & C U LT U R E

and he says, “I don’t know how to fly,” and [the mouse says], “You can fly without it.”

When I lost my brother, I didn’t know if I could do the circus anymore. The first show I did without him, I saw a black feather on the ground, and I picked it [up] off the ground, and I thought, You can do it. And it worked out well. Now, every time I see a black feather, I pick it up.

zen] who was terminally ill. She was in a senior-citizen home, and she had 300 elephants. I went over to look at them, and she was willing to sell them, [but] by the end of my visit, she’d found out I was a professional clown, and [asked] me to do two shows for her daughter’s preschool in exchange for the elephants. … That’s my favorite thing, bartering for them.

Where do you get your elephants?

What are you going to do with your collection?

I get them from friends. Most are from garage sales and thrift stores. My brother and I [traveled] all over California. Generally, when we were in a different town, we would ask for the local thrift store … and [I’d] search for elephants. I like ones with character. I don’t like them necessarily brand-new.

The ones taking up the most space are the stuffed elephants. … I have a couple of ideas for them. I want to put a lot of them into a trailer and tow them behind my little circus van and have it as a little sideshow to my circus and have some of the proceeds go to helping elephants in the wild, because they have habitat problems, poaching problems in Kenya; they have elephant orphanages and sanctuaries. I’d like some of my proceeds to help those elephants.

How do you keep count of your elephants?

For the most part, my memory on elephants is pretty good, and if I ever do see a duplicate, I put it in a box in the back where all the duplicates are kept.

Is this an expensive hobby?

Going to the thrift stores [isn’t] very expensive. A lot of friends give them to me. [Once], somebody contacted me [about a senior citi|

AFTER

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Do you worry about perceived political affiliations, since the elephant is associated with Republicans?

I’m not a Republican or Democrat. I just like the elephants. Ω

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