Race. They land safely, and enjoy some S’mores and cocoa with the locals, where star Wars: The they annoy nearby geeks with questions like rise of skywalker “What’s a Darth Vader?” A Hidden Life (Dec. 13): Terrence Malick, one of the greatest movie directors to ever walk the planet, offers up his latest—a World War II drama about a conscientious objector. Satan. Cuddly and cute has All indications are that this is a return to form been traded for twisted and for the auteur, and ends a late career slump demonic. If I saw something that has included the massive missteps: Song like that on the streets I to Song, Knight of Cups and To the Wonder. would shoot first and ask Next up for Malick? He’s currently questions later, even if it did filming a Jesus movie. Oh my. have Taylor Swift’s sweetly JumAnJi: THe nexT LeveL (Dec. 13): angelic voice. Not going to lie; this looks really, sTAr WArs: THe rise of skyWALker really funny. Kevin Hart’s avatar (Dec. 20): After The Last Jedi, a divisive is Danny Glover, while Dwayne chapter for sure, Disney will play it safe Johnson’s is Danny DeVito. This and hand control of Star Wars back to all strikes me as a hundred different J.J. Abrams, who made the far superior kinds of brilliant. The trailer has The Force Awakens. I think Rey (Daisy already made me laugh more than Ridley) has an evil clone, and that’s most full comedies this year. who we are seeing with the impractical uncuT Gems (Dec. 13): Adam double light saber thing in the preview. Jumanji: The Sandler gets serious in this heist Let’s see if I’m right, or if I’m just a next Level film based on a true story. If you loser geek who spends way too much are irked that you didn’t hear about time thinking about shit like this. As a Charlize Theron look EXACTLY like this sooner I fully admit that I Star Wars fan, I’m more jazzed about Megan Kelly. SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT the TV shows (The Mandalorian, the Obi-Wan cATs (Dec. 20): Yeah, um, this looks seriYESTERDAY!!! (That’s a The Wedding Show, the Darth Vader Variety Hour featuring ously messed up. I don’t know how they’ve Singer reference right there.) the late Don Rickles) than the films beyond achieved those cat costumes (digital, body BomBsHeLL (Dec. 20): We’ve already this year. Rian Johnson is doing his own paint, invasive surgery). I just know that I learned plenty from this movie about sexual trilogy, and I believe it is tentatively called don’t like them. They look too much like harassment in the early days at Fox News, Star Wars Canon: I Shit My Ass On Thee! a cat screwed a human while possessed by mainly that it doesn’t take much to make The Game of Thrones guys also have a trilogy
coming as with the working title Star Wars: We are Family Members with Light Sabers Instead of Swords? Let’s Do Sex Stuff and Kill Each Other! I’m starting to miss George Lucas and his midi-chlorians. JusT mercy (Dec. 25): Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Foxx and Brie Larson star in a film about famed civil rights attorney Bryan Stevenson. This has the makings of something special. LiTTLe Women (Dec. 25): Director Greta Gerwig follows up her fantastic Lady Bird with the latest adaptation of the classic Louisa May Alcott novel, and it stars the great Saoirse Ronan and new sensation Florence Pugh (one of the year’s best performances in Midsommar). Next up for Gerwig: possibly directing a Barbie movie starring Margot Robbie and co-written by her husband, Noah Baumbach. That’s not a joke … it’s a real project. While I’m enjoying her directorial efforts, I’m hoping Gerwig hasn’t given up on acting. She’s an on-screen presence that is totally unique—and needed. 1917 (Dec. 25): Sam Mendes directs a World War I movie that might just be an awards season, under-the-radar surprise, judging by the stellar trailer. Ω
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