You Are Here Festival 2014 program

WELCOME TO THE FESTIVAL The You Are Here festival is one of the most exciting events in Canberra’s strong 2014 artistic programme. The festival brings together Canberra’s safest performers with some special national and international guests that have been stringently screened for your protection.

I would like to commend the tireless work of our Chief of Public Relations, Ms X, who has gone well above the call of duty to personally investigate the private lives of each and every individual associated with the festival.

For far too long the Canberra arts scene has been challenged by artistic terrorists, holding innocent audiences to ransom with their radical ideas of ‘art’. It would be better that the shameful scenes of the three previous indulgent and debauched You Are Here festivals be expunged from the pages of history.

But let us not dwell on the former administration’s mistakes. The content of this year’s festival is rich, vibrant and most of all, Acceptable.

As you will no doubt be aware, the Benevolent Ministry of Art recently released the updated Doctrines of Acceptable Art. I personally lead the development of the updated Doctrines. Happily they have already enabled the exclusion of several risky and unsavoury items from this festival. The remaining performances are therefore Scientifically Proven to be entirely Acceptable Art. I hope you will take the time to enjoy this You Are Here festival, in moderation.

Mr B Chairman, Benevolent Ministry of Art bmoa.net.au @Real_Mister_B