PHASES SADNESS HOPE HAPPINESS John J Warren
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Copyright 1972 by John J Warren All rights reserved ISBN 0-8059-1736-5 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 72-86220
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SADNESS
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Happiness is: Caring for someone very much And she caring as much Wanting someone very much And she wanting as much Loving someone very much And she loving as much I wish I were happy
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Sadness in essence is the absence of happiness. A young child loses a toy and cries, an old man slowly waits to die as all his friends have. The days of companionship long past. Times of youth vanished into a maze of melancholy. Simple things, standing knee deep in a cool stream waiting for a trout to strike, football games, holiday dinners, the many, many small things that together spelled contentment. All these bring a gentle, tugging sadness, the mildest kind for their memory is blurred and obscure. But what of the burning, hopeless despair brought by the loss of love? This ever-present dejection that does not just pass with time?
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Think of me in your fantasies for I am gone and won’t return You lost me in your realities the dream of my heart still to learn Peace of mind is my fantasy now. coming only from a heart stopped by lack of life, given thankfully from a rope, or gun, or mind. Peace, wondrous sleep, complete.
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Remember the timeless nights of no tomorrow, lying awake with no control of mind. Night, the most hated time for the unhappy for it is then, when alone with their thoughts, there is nothing to cover or blur the pain as in the day. So easy it is to fool others in the light of day with award winning acting. Still, when darkness falls there is no escape from one’s self.
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Tell me if you see the bruises causing the pain, inside. From kicks to the spirit, and runaway dreams.
If you do, I’ll cover up with powdery smiles. For a good act will hide, the bleeding sorrow, so common, expected from experience, brought by stupidity, and blind faith.
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If only there were no night, then sadness could be escaped, pushed into the background, hidden by the movements of day. Alas night comes and with it the crying, torture, and prayers.
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Remove from my eyes her smile that warmed me Remove the touch of her hand that held me Remove my love for her that’s torturing me Please, God, remove these and let me sleep.
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Although time will not stop the prayers and the pain it does change them. Love will turn to hate, for it’s a small step from one to the other. Blame for the sleepless nights, the tears, forms hate on the persons who once were the center and cause of all joy. Sadness turns to numbness, people learn to defend themselves from the agony with a shield of apathy or slowly pity and grieve to insanity. Then comes the final step in side a self-constructed cocoon locking out all caring, love, hate or any form of emotion.
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All I’m asking for is life free of the heartwarming people Like a stone on a great beach carelessly enjoying the sun of now Not the rain of hope. A rock, unaffected by the endless waves Of expectations, content to merely watch the foolish crabs, searching for their dreams. Ignorant that the faith and hope they have will be crushed like so many shells in the sand. All I want is to exist and take care of number one. Left alone to pass through the cycle of life without the burden of love. As a tree grows and stands tall oblivious to the snowflakes of emotion which melt when asked to be held. Its branches holding nests of hope that fall to the ground shattered, when the wind of reality blows.
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An escape, or a self-imposed prison? Living in a void does stop the pain but also ends any chance of again realizing a dream of smiling and laughing. Thankfully time does not cease but continues to force change. Eventually one must break out of the not quite perfect sanctuary to again remember. But the sadness, though still intense, is less constant, leaving time for fantasy and contemplation.
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Let’s watch the sunrise on a lonely beach made un-lonely by us---together See it start a bright new day of hopes and wishes unaware of the painful heat to come burning away the dreams. See it dying of regret at sunset watched at a friendly party made unfriendly by me watching alone.
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Still change continues, maybe a smile here, a kind rather than cynical word, a thought that sometime things will be better. Sadness, one of the great teachers of all time. It shows the preciousness of the little things, a warm hand on a snowy night, a smile instead of a frown, and also the wrongs which resulted in the loss of love. With this learning comes hope, faint at first but ever-growing.
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How long was the sunshine? Long enough to learn? I learned what love is The joy of waking, knowing you will see her soon. Of having someone understand what you feel, just by looking in her eyes. Having every passing second a treasure, because you know she is with you by the touch of her hand. Then to learn the pain of losing, waking and reaching, finding no one there. Knowing you are completely alone with nobody who can feel the hurt, the hopelessness, the hate of life, and the attempts to end it. I found how love is, and just maybe I’ll find it again, only next time I pray I’ll get some in return.
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HOPE
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Happiness is: Caring for someone very much and she caring as much. Wanting someone very much and she wanting as much. Loving someone very much and she loving as much. Someday I’ll be happy.
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Again with the passing of time emotions change. A cycle of rebuilding occurs forming a different outlook on life. It may have taken years, or a month, and sometimes a lifetime. Often this change is brought about by a person who somehow penetrated the gloom and hate to kindle a spark. The spark that will ignite once again a feeling, caring human. One who can function in happiness and usefulness.
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Walking by today I saw a smile it wasn’t a very special smile it didn’t have the warmth of a fire to melt the supposed ice of my life nor did it have any real brightness to clear a darkened memory. It was just a smile a form of hello, hoe are you? a small gesture of kindness probably unnoticed to its wearer yet it was different. Today is the first time I noticed I’m sure people have smiled before but their faces I couldn’t see only I did catch this one and----I almost smiled back.
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With this spark comes a most important change. A chance to look forward rather than back, a sort of positive atmosphere in which progress can occur. Developing with torturing slowness, more and more negative actions and ideas are dissolved into positive dreams. A once frozen mind thaws to the point of activity, but like an old engine being restored it takes time. Each small part must be revitalized and checked, broken and missing pieces searched out and replaced, then the rebuilding of the mechanism into a total, working machine. Unlike an antique engine a person is not just a collection of parts. There are intangibles which cannot just be found and replaced. Often certain emotions have been so mutilated and destroyed as to be unrecognizable. This is why a person can’t truly exist as an I; they require another to form a we.
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You know it’s been a year now a year of confusion and wondering picking up pieces, reforming a shattered mind. A year of constructing a jigsaw puzzle called a person. Searching for the laughing pieces, caring pieces, hoping pieces, fighting to remember where they belong. And you know they’re almost all together, working in unison. Yet there are still a few missing, lost in a maze, leaving a void only to be filled by someone else, willing to share their pieces, to make me whole.
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Sooner or later everyone experiences defeat of such enormous size that recovery seems impossible. Business setbacks are usually explainable and understood but it’s the unaccountable change in people that is the worst. After placing complete trust in someone they unexpectedly turn on you causing confusion and distrust. Although at the time it seems untrue the disappointment is the easiest fact to accept, the enormous hope and understanding it takes to once again trust and love is virtually unreachable. Because of this, many meaningful relationships are lost, for to trust someone knowing the painful results of being betrayed takes time, and most importantly people. People to help you remember what the happiness was before the overshadowing grief block out its memories.
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Remember the happiness what was it called? Glowing like a candle sometimes soft and distant a gentle warmth, enveloping all. Remember the joy what was it called? Exploding alive and free with gay laughter and smiles existing for you and me. Remember the love what was it called? The reassuring pressure of two hands together in a warm pocket bringing absolute contentment. Remember all this what was it called???
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What really is hope. What is this thing that drives people to conquer insurmountable tasks, to relentlessly pursue an unreachable dream? What is that wonderful wonder that keeps alive, for no explainable reason, ideas and people when everything seems lost? If there were a simple definition or formula for hope is not easily explained, it is a collection of emotions, dreams, and largely understanding. Understanding that people are wonderfully and horribly human. Look at the times when unexpectedly people known as acquaintances act as if life long friends, when needed most. Not just words but actions, deeds that humble by their thoughtfulness and make one pause and wonder why. The answer is they’re human, with compassion stronger than any bonds of loyalty, the same human quirks that turn a trusted friend to a traitor. Luckily, the thoughtful, kind acts of human nature are stronger in the mind than the foolish mistakes of others. They serve to curb the disappointment and allow a more positive understanding of people and things. Things that seem miniscule yet are very important to know and see with open eyes.
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What is a tear is it happiness? The final ecstasy when dreams come true the hoping and wanting a reality at last the release of a million pent up emotions kept silent for years? Or-----is it sadness? One single tear-----holding memories times past when joy had taken control even if only for a fraction of the never ending time for wishing. Maybe the flood of tears signifies the hopelessness and hate hate of the realities, not the memories for remembering does not pain, only a type of sorrow from knowing happiness failed to remain. A tear is a sign of a human a person so strong he is unafraid to show he cares bold enough to try again, even expecting the hurt strong enough to die a thousand times a night and wake up smiling, for the morning.
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Eventually a person will regain his sensitivity, caring, or more exactly hope. He will see things as possible rather than absurd, he actually cares if a friend is hurt, and he can join in their eventual happiness. A new world of maybes exist with a sincere to help and be helped. This newly acquired hope is much different from before, for a person cannot truly be happy or really want until he knows sadness. Feeling the loss of something or someone who was all important allows a realization of what happiness was and will be. With this realization comes a new form of hope and happiness. Hope that is stronger and will last even through disappointment, and a happiness so wonderful sadness will be muffled by the memories. These new, more sensitive emotions will understand that happiness is not a constant and will eventually fade. And when or if it does fade the times will be cherished with a knowing and hope that they will return stronger and even more wonderfully.
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Being a rock seemed the wisest thing there was no pain caring was foolish The hurting from before forced me alone yet now I’m changed for I love someone Although the pain is back the happiness is greater in the few moments we have the world seems better I must go away so this dream is over but another time, another day it will return even greater
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HAPPINESS
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Happiness is: Caring for someone very much and she caring as much. Wanting someone very much and she wanting as much. Loving someone very much and she loving as much. At last it’s happened.
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Happiness, the final stage, the ultimate victory, the long awaited dream.. The moment to dance through rolling hills of meadow grass, with the music of a thousand symphonies to run and laugh with ringing in your ears. A time to lie in the glorious sun cooling prancing feet in a blue-green stream. A twinkling instant to hear songs of meadowlarks, the prayers of tumbling brooks, and the laughing branches and carefree wind playing. A time to love, and a chance to share with someone newfound adventures. Happiness is all this and so much more.
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Look the sun dawning with light to see again the birds, the ocean, the people. Rising with energy to run again to the seashore, the meadows, the people Glowing with understanding to love again the living, the helping, the people
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Happiness is so many things it is hard to describe as it is to achieve. Take a child’s happiness that is so simple yet ever beautiful. A mother’s breast, the warm, protecting arms wrapped into the most peaceful cradle of caring. A big smiling face tickling its feet, the awesome, indestructible giant known as father. Birthday parties, Santa Claus, wet nosed puppies, and shoulder rides so high the whole world can be seen. A child’s happiness must be the purest for it is one discovery after another. Imagine the ecstasy of doing all the simple things for the first time. And then there id the happiness of parents, holding a warm, live human being which they brought into the world. Hearing their first word, helping with their first step, and watching the wide-eyed wonder at each new experience they behold. To grow with them through all the learning, heartbreaks, triumphs, until they finally become a man or a woman. This is a deep fulfilling joy which will warm a soul forever.
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For the tiny life entrusted me to love, and teach, and care for. For the chance to bring the world a child with new ideas, and hope, and love. For the memory to grow old with the joy, happiness, and contentment. Thank you, Lord.
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It’s a warm midsummer’s night, the scene is a long solemn beach with giant waves crashing on the shore. There’s just enough of a moon to silhouette two shadows walking hand and hand sharing the simple joy of a beach, the warm night, and each other. When day breaks the sharing may end, the love and loving may cease, but for now there is no thought of tomorrow. Herein lies the real happiness, the way to cheat demon sadness, not to be just happy but to take advantage of the jubilant time. Not to dwell in, be consumed by, and totally overwhelmed by that precious happiness. To dampen the fire just because it may be out soon is foolish, but to gather all the warmth, light, and comfort seeks to extend its glow. So when you’re happy live in it, let it take over your mind. For the more you live in your happiness the greater it becomes, and the longer it lasts. And as joy and lovers are seldom constant when the day comes when happiness does leave, a sense of appreciation and pride remains at knowing that you took advantage of the time and lived it to its fullest. And each time it will return sooner and more easily because happiness always returns to those who really want to be happy.
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