I N T E R N AT I O N A L K AYA K I N G
The Murray Leg Kelvin reports, “the longest river in Australia has just been tamed by the lanky Pom in his inflatable friend.” That’s 1646 km in 46 days from Echura, Victoria to Wellington, South Australia. He’s raising money for “Save the Children - to try and raise awareness and funds for their projects around the world” and generously allows us a peep in his diary and an email to friends.. What have I done? I am trying to paddle over 7000km down some of the largest rivers in the world in a 10ft. glorified lilo designed for white water canoeing. I have only been paddling for a year and the one time I attempted a long distance journey in a canoe (across Argentinean Patagonia) I swore at the end of it...”Never again!” I am about as fit as my Dad (i.e. not particularly) and my idea of daily exercise is changing from Sky sports 1 to Sky sports 2 on the remote. I have chosen a time to do my trip when George ‘W’ and our Tony have decided to declare war on anyone with a bit of a tan. Those people who regard this action as being a trifle excessive tend to frown upon British passport holders. Having watched the film ‘Deliverance’ recently, I know that travelling down rivers through remote areas can be a little risky even in ‘civilized’ countries. I have no desire to be made to ‘squeal like a pig’ by some shortsighted yokel! As you can see, I had a few doubts about the whole adventure and my ability to complete it. Having finished the first of the 7 rivers I am a little more optimistic. Apart from a few hiccups at the start my ’10ft lilo’ has been fine. It sank after only 3km paddling when the outlet holes (designed for white water) became inlet holes. I had to fill them in with glue! At the caravan park where I performed this operation, the Aussie owners found it highly amusing that I was paddling around the world in a rubber boat that had sunk on the first day! Ha Ha Ha! After about 1000km my paddle complained about the amount of work it had to do and snapped in half. Over the next few days it snapped into 3 then 4 pieces. It is being ceremonially trashed here in Oz and I will get a new one! My body has also protested at the sudden inclusion of 50km paddling a day to its normally
14
ISSUE THIRTY • 2005
by Kelvin Oram
sedate routine. However it was the first couple of weeks that were the hardest, and now I laugh in face of physical torment and aching muscles HAHAHAHAHAHA! The biggest battle of the last 7 weeks has been mental. I think that I have just about avoided losing my faculties (it was a close run thing!). For a while I became the singing canoeist. Then the wind increased and made me really angry. It’s hard to sing through gritted teeth! I spent many a happy morning paddling to the sounds of 60’s folk and motown hits. It’s strange but the river was devoid of wildlife when I belted out ‘Feelin good’ by Nina Simone or ‘Mercedes Benz’ by Janis Joplin! On very lonely days I talked to the birds and convinced myself with a realistic imitation of a pelican I could tell other pelicans not to fly away when I approached (and sometimes they didn’t...............honest!). The wildlife was spectacular, especially in reserves and National Parks. I often shared my campsites with kangaroos and emus and countless water birds. Tiny neon blue fairy wrens hopped about right next to me. In the evenings pelicans waited for me to throw them a carp while I was fishing. Sometimes they waited a LONG time! Where the river winds its way through very arid bush it is like a giant, snaking oasis , which attracts all sorts of visitors for a drink. In a canoe I could sneak up and surprise little critters that live on the river bank : baby darters hurled themselves into the water, sometimes from alarmingly high up in the trees; pied cormorants looked around nervously then took off in a panic; pelicans grunted as I got closer and reluctantly heaved their bulk into the air. They flew about 50m Kelvin with Rob Clampett and Rosie Marshall
downriver only to repeat the effort 2 minutes later! Willie wagtails (that’s their real name!) shook their behinds provocatively from side to side as I went past, putting a smile on the man in the funny little red rubber boat! So, apart from the numb arse, calloused palms, sunburnt arms (with fingerless glove ‘twat marks’ which I wore while paddling!), knotted back muscles, tennis elbows, 40 degree heat, gale force winds (gusting to 100kph), 2ft (60cm) oncoming waves (on a bloody river!), lightning, broken paddle, leaky boat and mental problems the trip went pretty smoothly. BRING ON THE MEKONG!! The thing that will stand out in my memories of the Murray will be the generosity and kindness of the people that I met along the way. I have been treated to roast dinners, fed steak and sausages from authentic Aussie BBQ’s, given beers, showers, wine, cooked breakfasts, free accommodation, tours of the local area, cigars and good company all the way down the river. On a houseboat I was even given a few ‘cowboy cocksuckers’, a cocktail!. Being a ‘Pommie bastard’ didn’t affect the friendships formed. As long as I gave as good as I got on the piss-taking front, I was welcomed with open stubbies! Most blokes were pretty worried that I didn’t have room for an eskie full of beer in my canoe, but said that what I was doing was ‘Fair Dinkum!’ Thank you Australia. I am now off to the pub, called hotels here - (very confusing) to down a couple cold VB schooners, about 1/2 pint of Victoria bitter, actually it’s a lager, (also confusing) and tonight I shall sleep in a real bed for the first time in nearly 7 weeks WAHEY!