“And another thing..”
Abse shares his thoughts and mindless wanderings
S P o i n t l e s s
ome things are pointless and yet they exist. Like Nick Clegg. And yet some pointless things provide a use they never intended: they provide me with something to write about. Let me give you some examples. In Wales once I was stuck at a traffic light on a remote country road.There was no traffic coming the other way, but yet this little temporary traffic light was preventing me from going because, it seemed, of some road works that reduced the road to a single lane. Eventually the light turned green and I could drive on, passing the generator that was blocking one of the road’s lanes and necessitating the traffic control. And what was that generator powering? That’s right: the traffic lights. Hmmm. Another of my favourites was a sign I once saw in the middle of a pond in a park. It read “Do not throw stones at this sign”. In France there are a couple of things I’ve noticed. When new tarmac has been laid and no new road-markings have been made you will often see the sign “Pas de marquage!”. That’s what I needed: a sign to tell me there were no road markings. They take that sign away and replace it with a sign saying “Pas de sign de route!”. Meanwhile in supermarkets they protect their shopping trolleys by having them all secured with coin-operated locks. (My Place cont)
to find his tobacco!” Then, without waiting, Bernadine joined him looking for her slipper. “Ah! This is wonderful Bernadine!” “Ah! Bernardin, how lovely ! » The two cries of joy were following by a loving embrace. A robin, who was watching them from the window, had the air of having happened upon a beautiful scene!
Thank goodness that you can’t get 1 Euro shaped jetons for free from the supermarket information desk, eh? That’s real security. In an office I used to occasionally visit there was a computer on the reception desk with the password conveniently stuck on the side of the computer on a post-it note. Some people somehow make a living making and selling pointless things. For example, what’s the point of wigs for bald men? Surely the intended (or pretended) point of a wig is to make people believe that you aren’t bald? But when someone wears a wig they cause people to think a number of things, as follows: 1. They are wearing a wig 2. That’s hilarious! 3. They are bald 4. They are really vain 5. They are really stupid that they think a wig is a GOOD THING 6. That’s hilarious! I realise that repeating number 2 seems pointless, but it really is VERY hilarious. There are also, it is worth noting, an awful lot of completely pointless phone apps. Such as the geeky clock that tells you the time in binary, or the “kiss me” app that rates your kiss on the flat screen (yuk), or “hang time” which measures how high you can throw your fragile £500 phone, or the “virtual
However, something else tumbled out from Bernardin’s slipper, a paper folded in four. The dear old man suspected it was a joke from his wife; fetching his reading glassed he unfolded the paper and read it. It was an official document awarding six hundred francs to Bernardin’s household. The two old people had to sit down, their legs buckled in emotion. They couldn’t understand what the paper was saying. They read it over and over again. The notary received them the next day and confirmed that the paper was indeed valid; he gave them an advance of 50 francs for
n
www.davidabse.com
the first month. Bernardin and Bernadine thought they were dreaming. That same evening, a neighbour of our happy couple left the country. She was an excellent widow whom Bernadine had helped out whenever she could. She had just inherited a fortune from an uncle in America. When Bernardin and Bernadine went to bid her farewell and safe travels they told her about their astonishing windfall. Although she cordially congratulated them, she didn’t appear very astonished. (From a French folk tale)
English/French owned 25 years of experience
Artisan / Project Management n
I suppose you could argue there are quite a number of things in the world that appear to be pointless but aren’t because they provide entertainment, even if that wasn’t their intention. Like wigs. But some things remain pointless without being funny. Like Nick Clegg. But don’t you DARE add “this article”. No no no no no!
Agence Guy Estate Agency
grapesrenovation Philip Grapes phil@grapesrenovation.com
stapler” app that allows you to “virtually staple” some virtual paper together. Not to mention the “e-shaver” which plays an electric shaver noise as you move your phone over your unshaved chin. But perhaps my favourite is the app that allows you to find the nearest payphone…
www.pezenas-immobilier.com agenceguy@wanadoo.fr tel 0467983777 mob 0622343056 “Quality Assured”
06 32 42 24 50 grapesrenovation.com
Siret No: 478 335 870 00026
7