Family Matters Volume 7 , Issue 5 May 2016
National Military
Appreciation Month
How to Successfully Communicate as a Couple Remembering Our Fallen And more...
Family Matters
May 2016
A Message from the Director
Diane Coffill State Family Programs Director diane.l.coffill.civ@mail.mil (984) 664-6324
Happy May, everyone! Wow! May is a busy month. Do you know that May is Military Appreciation Month and within May is Military Spouse Appreciation Day, Mother’s Day and Memorial Day? There’s a lot to celebrate. Look inside to find out some interesting facts about some of these upcoming days.
MSG Ramona Robertson State Family Programs Specialist ramona.k.robertson.mil@mail.mil (984) 664-7005
We also have some helpful tips about successfully communicating as a couple. Have you ever noticed in talking with your loved one that you think you are being clear about something but they have no clue about what you are saying? There are some great tips inside that may help you out.
SSG Tammy Fowler State Family Programs Assistant tammy.l.fowler.mil@mail.mil (984) 664-6876 Lana Greer State FAC Coordinator lana.m.greer.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-1667 Alice Dean Lead Child and Youth Coordinator alice.c.dean.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6676 David Nobles Outreach Coordinator david.m.nobles.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6721 Terry Henderson Airman and Family Readiness Program Manager terry.r.henderson3.civ@mail.mil (704) 389-4949 About Family Matters Family Matters was created to provide Service Members and their Families the most up to date information and services available. If you would like to contribute to future issues, please contact SSG Tammy Fowler @ tammy.l.fowler.mil@mail.mil
References in this newsletter to specific commercial products, processes, services or the use of any trade, firm corporation name does not constitute endorsement, recommendation or favoring by NCNG Family Programs
How many Military Spouses (both male and female) do you know? Maybe yours and others. How often do you say (or hear someone say) “thank you” for supporting me or “thank you” for being there when I can’t be or “thank you” for picking up the slack when I’m away? We all should remember that our Military Spouses are a VERY important part of making military service possible and helping Service Members be successful, not only as a Service Member but as a Family Member as well. So don’t forget to say “THANK YOU!” For many, Memorial Day means the official start of summer, BBQs and beach trips but for us it means something more. It is a time to remember and honor those that have paid the ultimate sacrifice and show the families they left behind love and support. In this issue, we remember SFC Edward Kramer. His wife, Vicki shares just how her family honors him. Please take time to read this and pay honor and respect to all of our Fallen Heroes. Do you ever wonder if you are experiencing too much stress at work? We have included a useful article from Military OneSource on understanding that stress. Please take time to read it and remember that we have resources available to you if you need them. Family Programs is working hard to finalize camps for our NCNG Children. We are planning three separate camps this year so check out the save the date flyer for more information. You will also see a flyer on the Joint Reserve Components Teen Leadership Summit in Georgia. Spots fill up fast for this great opportunity so be sure to check it out and get registered if you’re interested. As another school year winds down, so does our NCNG Teen Council. May is the last month for meetings until the next school year begins. I just want to say thank you for allowing your teens to participate this year. I hope they have enjoyed it as much as we have enjoyed having them with us. For those of you whose teens haven't participated, there will be another opportunity next year for them to join us. We will get that information out as we get closer to next school year. I want you to know that the Family Programs staff is always here for you . You will find contact info for us throughout Family Matters. Please call us if you need us or have any questions. I wish you all a wonderful May!
Diane
Table of Contents 4
May is National Military Appreciation Month
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How to Successfully Communicate as a Couple
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Memorial Day: Remembering Our Fallen
10 Remembering Our Fallen: SFC Edward Kramer 13 Military Spouse Appreciation Day 14 Understanding Stress at Work 16 Let’s Go Camping 20 2016 Month of the Military Child Ball
If you would like to submit photos or stories for future issues of Family Matters, please contact SSG Tammy Fowler at tammy.l.fowler.mil@mail.mil
On the cover: CPT Andrew and Rochelle Benton
Congress designated May as National Military Appreciation Month in 1999 to ensure the nation was given the opportunity to publically demonstrate their appreciation for the sacrifices and successes made by our Service Members - past and present. Each year the president makes a proclamation, reminding Americans of the important role the U.S. Armed Forces have played in the history and development of our country May was selected because it has most days set aside for celebrating and commemorating our military's achievements. These days include Loyalty Day, which was established in 1921, Victory in Europe (VE) Day commemorating the end of WWII in Europe on May 8, 1945, Armed Forces Day created in 1949, Military Spouse Appreciation Day established in 1984, and of course the best known of the May holidays, Memorial Day. Memorial Day, is the only federal holiday in May and is celebrated on the last Monday of the month. The day, dating from the Civil War era, traditionally has marked recognition of those who have died in service to the nation. Each year on Memorial Day, the White House Commission on Remembrance promotes one minute of 4
silence at 3 p.m. local time to honor the military's fallen comrades and to pay tribute to the sacrifices by the nation's Service Members and Veterans. National Military Appreciation Month started as a simple idea; to gather America around its military family to honor, remember, recognize and appreciate those who have served and those now serving and to know the history behind it all. Subsequent formal legislation informs our Service Members that their country has set aside an entire month to honor, remember and appreciate them. In 1999, legislation passed in the U.S. Senate designating May as National Military Appreciation Month, with the support and sponsorship of Senator John McCain (R-AZ) and Representative Duncan Hunter (R-CA) of San Diego and over 50 veteran service organizations. In April 2004 more comprehensive legislation was passed by unanimous consent of both Houses of Congress, H. Con. Res. 328 that May is National Military Appreciation Month and urges the President to issue an annual proclamation calling on the American people to recognize this special month of May through appropriate ceremonies and events.
For more information, visit http://www.military.com/military-appreciation-month.
How to Successfully Communicate As a Couple
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ommunicating well is one of the most important skills any couple can have and a key component of lasting, loving relationships. Poor communication is a common complaint of couples who split up and a source of frustration and conflict for those who stay together. Working with your partner to learn and practice basic communication techniques can help you build trust and intimacy in your relationship.
Communication Basics
or texts when your partner is away. Try leaving a note on the car seat that says, “I love you” or “Good luck with your presentation!” But take note— writing out extra to-do lists doesn’t count. Pay attention to your body language. Uncross your arms, offer a smile and make eye contact with your partner. If you’re feeling really into it, you can even lean in a bit when you talk.
Here are some tips that can help you improve your communication skills and build a strong relationship: Keep at it. Establishing good communication can take a lot of patience and hard work. The important Make time to talk. Try to spend thing is to make a commitment to change the way at least 15 minutes a day talking you communicate and work toward this goal. with each other. Put it on the Helpful Things to Say When Your Partner calendar if you struggle to find the time. Has You Flustered Share your thoughts and feelings. Make an extra effort to share the things that matter to you most.
Feeling cranky? Sometimes just a few small changes in what you say can make a Be an active listener. Give each other your full big difference in how you attention, free of interruptions. Hint: Turn off the communicate. “I” television and let phone calls go to voicemail. statements can help you Show that you’re listening. Try repeating back what express your feelings without blaming or putting you heard through phrases such as, “So what you’re your partner on the defensive: saying is…” or “If I understand you correctly, you “When you don’t call when you’re going to be late, feel…” And be sincere—sarcasm might not go over I feel upset because I’m not given the chance to well. adjust my schedule.” Say this if you’re irritated that Offer frequent praise, support and encouragement. your partner is going to be late again. Studies show that couples who stay together make “When you buy expensive things without far more positive comments to each other than consulting me, I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter negative ones. to you.” Try saying this if you’re fuming over the Send text messages or emails or leave written surprise purchase of that flat-screen TV. notes. Make a habit of sending “ I miss you” emails 6
“I feel that I’m pulling more than my share of the weight around the house.” You might try saying this if you’re tired of mopping and dusting and wielding the vacuum.
Here are some more steps you can take if your partner has a hard time opening up or seems to tune you out.
Talking About Difficult Subjects Every couple will need Avoid making to talk about a difficult or painful subject at some assumptions. You may point. These tips can make the conversation easier: think your partner doesn’t want to talk because he or Talk at a stress free time. Avoid bringing up a she is angry or upset with sensitive issue when either of you is tired, hungry or you. However, there may be something else— like an pressed for time. Avoid talking about some issues incident at work— that’s upsetting your partner. when children might overhear. Keep your sense of humor. Using humor can break tension and help you connect through times of stress and pressure.
Consider your spouse’s family background. Serious conversations can turn into major arguments quickly in some families. Your partner may worry that you’ll become angry or even walk out if he or she speaks honestly— especially if your partner’s parents often acted this way.
Bring up one difficult subject at a time. Raising a lot of Remember that it can be hard to open up. Your sensitive issues in the same conversation can leave the partner may be worried about feeling rejected if he or she expresses views honestly. other person feeling confused and defensive.
Make “I statements. Be specific about how you feel. Express your feelings with neutral comments such as “I feel…” “I’m concerned that…” or “I’m worried that…” instead of phrases that put people on the defensive, such as “You never…” “You always…” or “You’re so…”
Counseling Resources Help is available if you have ongoing difficulty communicating with your partner. You can access free, confidential, non-medical counseling services through Military OneSource.
Talk about the issue, not who’s right or wrong. Focus on finding a solution instead of assigning blame. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view. Make an effort to show you’re listening and understand, even if you don’t agree. Take a break if needed. Take 15 minutes to be alone and calm down if your conversation becomes heated or you’re on the verge of saying things you’ll regret. Taking time out can help defuse a situation but it will not resolve them. Commit to revisiting the issue when your emotions are under control.
When Your Partner Won’t Open Up
For more information, visit http://www.militaryonesource.mil
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Memorial Day: Remembering our Fallen History Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in service of the United States of America. Over two dozen cities and towns claim to be the birthplace of Memorial Day. While Waterloo N.Y. was officially declared the birthplace of Memorial Day by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966, it’s difficult to prove conclusively the origins of the day.
The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle. On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Arlington National Cemetery, and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Union and Confederate soldiers buried there.
The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states. The Regardless of the exact date or location of its origins, one thing is clear – Memorial Day was South refused to acknowledge the day, honoring borne out of the Civil War and a desire to honor their dead on separate days until after World our dead. It was officially proclaimed on 5 May War I (when the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, Civil War to honoring Americans who died in his General Order No. 11. “The 30th of May, fighting in any war). 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing It is now observed in with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves almost every state on the of comrades who died in defense of their last Monday in May country during the late rebellion, and whose with Congressional bodies now lie in almost every city, village and passage of the National hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed.
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Holiday Act of 1971 (P.L. 90 – 363). This helped ensure a three day weekend for Federal holidays, though several southern states have an additional separate day for honoring the Confederate war dead: January 19th in Texas; April 26th in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi; May 10th in South Carolina; and June 3rd (Jefferson Davis’ birthday) in Louisiana and Tennessee.
benefit war orphans of France and Belgium. The League disbanded a year later and Madam Guerin approached the VFW for help.
Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their “Buddy” Poppy program was selling artificial Red Poppies poppies made by disabled veterans. In 1948 In 1915, inspired by the poem “In Flanders the US Post Office honored Ms. Michael for Fields,” Moina Michael replied with her own her role in founding the National Poppy poem: movement by issuing a red 3 cent postage stamp with her likeness on it.
“We cherish too, the Poppy red That grows on fields where valor led, It seems to signal to the skies That blood of heroes never dies.” She then conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Later a Madam Guerin from France was visiting the United States and learned of this new custom started by Ms. Michael. When she returned to France she made artificial red poppies to raise money for war orphaned children and widowed women. This tradition spread to other countries. In 1921, the Franco-American Children’s League sold poppies nationally to
National Moment of Remembrance The “National Moment of Remembrance” resolution was passed on Dec 2000 which asks that at 3 p.m. local time, for all Americans “To voluntarily and informally observe in their own way a Moment of remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to ‘Taps.”
Article courtesy of http://www.usmemorialday.org
Remembering Our Fallen: SFC Edward Kramer A Co 1-120th INF KIA 29 June 2009
Gone but never forgotten.
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Vicki Kramer, wife of SFC Edward Kramer, took time to share with us how she and her family honor their fallen hero. “Ed wanted to join the NCNG because he missed being in the service. He was a Marine for 4 years and about a year and a half after his discharge, he joined the North Carolina National Guard. He served about 19 years.” “I met Ed after he got out of the Marines. We started dating in 1993 and got married in 1999. When he told me he wanted to join the Guard I was supportive. This was way before they were sending National Guard troops into the Middle East so I was not worried about deployment then. We were proud of Ed for serving his country and got through his deployments with the help of friends. “ “On Memorial Day the cemetery has a service which our two daughters, Erica and Megan attend along with other family and friends. After the service we go out to lunch. On the day he died, Ed's friend puts together a celebration of life for him at a local tavern he enjoyed. The tavern donates proceeds from the sale of food and drink to Step Up For Soldiers, a local charity that serves veterans. Friends from near and far come to that gathering and we also honor the three other men that were killed with Ed, SGT Robert Bittiker, SGT Juan Baldeosingh, and SGT Roger Adams. They are currently building “The Kramer House” which will be a home for a veteran while attending college. There is also a fire house in Sunny Point. This is where he worked as a firefighter.” “We also celebrate Ed's birthday by going out to dinner and having a birthday cake. The girls and I recall memories and funny stories and we are just grateful for the time we did have with Ed. With the grace of God and support from family and friends, we get through life's challenges.”
Military Spouse Appreciation
In 1984 President Ronald Reagan recognized the profound importance of spousal commitment to the readiness and well-being of military members with Proclamation 5184, dated April 17, 1984. Congress officially made Military Spouse Appreciation Day part of National Military Appreciation Month in 1999. Subsequently the Department of Defense standardized the date by declaring the Friday before Mother’s Day every year as Military Spouse Appreciation Day to show appreciation for the sacrifices of military spouses. National Military Spouse Appreciation Day is celebrated on the Friday before Mother’s Day in May. This year it will be celebrated on Friday, May 6th, 2016. On Military Spouse Appreciation Day, we celebrate military spouses contributions to keeping our country safe. America’s military spouses are the backbone of the families who support our troops during mission, deployment, reintegration and reset. They are the silent heroes who are essential to the strength of the nation and they serve our country just like their loved ones. In celebration of Military Spouse Appreciation Day the armed forces have special events and programs to inform, honor and recognize military spouses. Events range from spouse appreciation luncheons to educational workshops to spouse employment fairs that pay tribute to military spouses. Read more: http://militarybenefits.info/military-spouse-appreciation-day/#ixzz47VODS1ca
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Understanding Stress at Work
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e all know that jobs can be stressful. But there’s a difference between the normal stress of the daily grind and persistent, unrelieved stress that can affect other parts of your life. Being overstressed from work can lead to health problems, strained relationships with family and friends, and ironically enough, reduced job performance, which can lead to further stress. Don’t get caught in the cycle.
to figure out why you’re so stressed and deal with it directly: Are factors beyond your control preventing you from getting work done? Talk with your supervisor and explain the situation, why it’s affecting your work and a potential solution. Would more training help? There’s no shame in wanting more training to do your job better. Take some time to figure out what kind of training you need, then see what’s available to you.
Is there something else you’d rather be doing? How much stress is too much? Maybe your work just isn’t Working is a lot like working out: if you’re not pushing your cup of tea and that’s OK. yourself, you’re probably not making progress. But even If you are a civilian spouse, bodybuilders take breaks to enjoy a rest every now and check to see what other career again. You can’t just work, work, work until you’re burnt opportunities your company offers or talk with your out and expect to come back the next day, ready to do it all manager if there’s something else better suited to your over again. It takes a toll: skills and interests. If you are a Service Member, you can also speak with your commander about other Physical signs, including frequent head, stomach or responsibilities or duties that you might be able to take on. backaches, ulcers, jaw clenching, teeth grinding and tight muscles (especially in the neck, back and Remember, you can also reach out for support whenever shoulders) you need it. Non-medical counseling services are available
through Military OneSource. These counseling services are short-term, confidential and free. Counseling topics aren’t limited to workplace concerns, but include work relationships, stress management, help adjusting to life Social changes, including criticizing or snapping at co changes like deployments or moves, other situational -workers, family or friends, avoiding family and stressors, decision making and communication, all of which friends or abusing drugs or alcohol could help you conquer the stress at your workplace. Fatigue, possibly as a result of interrupted sleep, Figuring out where your stress is coming from and how to inability to fall asleep or oversleeping deal with it is going to feel great. Depending on the cause, the act of dealing with it could be stressful itself but once Decreased productivity or trouble focusing you do, you’re going to feel like a million bucks— or if we Changes in appetite, like overeating or loss of adjust for inflation, a billion bucks. You’ll be happier, appetite healthier and better equipped to do your job well. Emotional signs, including feeling on edge, tense, irritable, frustrated or unable to relax, frequent periods of sadness and crying episodes
Identifying your stress and seeking solutions If you’ve noticed signs of being overly stressed, you need
For more information, visit https://www.militaryonesource.mil 14
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In celebration of Month of the Military Child Ball, the NCNG Child and Youth Program along with our generous partners hosted two separate MOMC Balls– one at Elks Lodge #1616 in Hendersonville, NC and the other at Elks Lodge #735 in Raleigh, NC. With the support of Henderson County Leaders in Training 4-H Club, USO of North Carolina, Lowes Foods and many other volunteers, both events were a great success. This year’s theme was a “Masquerade Ball” and all the kids as well as the adults had a great time making their own unique masquerade masks at the craft station. Everyone had a fun-filled evening enjoying the food, dancing and making new friends with other military connected families. We are already looking forward to next year’s events so be on the lookout for those dates. We hope to see you there!
2016 Month of the Military Child Ball 19
Family Assistance Centers
Statewide Support
Charlotte Unit Family Contact Center 4240 West Blvd. 28208 Carry Bandy: carry.s.bandy.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-4573 Anthony Moore: anthony.r.moore8.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-4547
NCNG Service Members and Families’ First Line of Defense Call 1-855-322-3848
East Flat Rock Unit Family Contact Center 2025 Spartanburg Hwy. 28726 Rebekah Torres: rebekah.s.torres.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-0565 Military OneSource Here to help you with just about any need, by phone or online. The service is completely private and confidential with few exceptions. www.militaryonesource.mil 1-800-342-9647
Greensboro State Family Assistance Center 110 Franklin Blvd. 27401 Lynn Stenson: deborah.t.stenson2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-5649 Greenville State Family Assistance Center 1401 N. Memorial Dr. 27834 David Kovach: david.p.kovach2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-1150 Lenoir State Family Assistance Center 1535 Beecher Anderson Rd. 28645 Frances Johnson: frances.r.johnson28.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-1242 Morrisville Unit Family Contact Center 2050 National Guard Dr. Mark Woolbright: mark.l.woolbright.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-6377 Raleigh Unit Family Contact Center 1636 Gold Star Dr. 27607 Wendi Bell: wendi.h.bell.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6078 Lisa Faison: lisa.m.faison.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-7100 Smithfield Unit Family Contact Center 406 Hospital Rd. 27577 Abby Millsap: abigail.e.millsap.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-2784
Family Readiness Support Services Charlotte Nikkie Newsome genesia.k.newsome.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-4548
Morrisville George Lane george.w.lane2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-6313
Clinton Jacqueline Connell (984) 661-5136
Raleigh Norman Dean norman.g.dean2.ctr@mail.mil (984) 664-6537
Goldsboro Gerald Murray gerald.t.murray.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-5423
FRSS Trainer Gloria Fields gloria.d.fields.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-5620
Greensboro Jill Hathaway jill.a.hathaway.ctr@mail.mil 984-661-5651
Southern Pines Unit Family Contact Center 510 Morganton Rd. 28387 Earlene Buchan edna.e.buchan.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-2683 Wilmington Unit Family Contact Center 2412 Infantry Rd. 28405 Jim Marley: james.e.marley.ctr@mail.mil (984) 661-6918 Winston-Salem Unit Family Contact Center 2000 Silas Creek Pkwy. 27103 Sandy Harrison: sandra.b.harrison2.ctr@mail.mil (984)-661-7131
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