Considering Matthew Shepard Through the Five Stages of Grief

Nicholas Sienkiewicz

Introduction

On the morning of October 7, 1998 Matthew Shepard was tied to a split-rail fence in Laramie, Wyoming. He was beaten, and struck in the head nearly 21 times with the back of a revolver by Aaron McKinney. Russel Henderson drove the vehicle and aided and abetted in tying Matthew to the fence.1 Eighteen hours later, Matthew was found by a cyclist, who initially thought he was a scarecrow. After being taken to the hospital, Matt died from his injuries on October 12, 1998.

During the trials, the prosecution argued that the murder was premeditated; driven by greed and homophobia. In court, the defense put forth the gay panic defense, arguing that McKinney justly killed Matthew under the law after Shepard made sexual advances towards him. 2 The claims made by the defense lacked evidence in court, and McKinney was charged with felony murder, second-degree murder, kidnapping, and aggravated robbery. Henderson plead guilty to murder and kidnapping charges and each are serving two consecutive life terms. Although there has been contention regarding the circumstances surrounding Matthew’s death, in a later interview with Greg Pierotti, McKinney said “Matt

Composer and conductor Craig Hella Johnson was immediately impacted by the death of Matthew and ruminated about this tragic event for over ten years afterward. Johnson wanted to respond in a meaningful way, and thus marked the creation of Considering Matthew Shepard, first premiered in September of 2016. Although viewed as a passion by some, Johnson deliberately avoided the use of passion in the title. Johnson is quoted in an interview with Robert Clark Ward stating:

It was very important to me for the workshop not to call it the “Passion of Matthew Shepard” or to call it anything too specific. That sort of ties things up in a little bow. I just thought, all I’m going to say for this workshop is Considering Matthew Shepard, so it feels like people can come and have their own experience with this. I want to create music that can allow people to have their own inner journey with the music and with the story and not dictate, here’s how you need to feel. I didn’t want to manipulate anything. I wanted to really be careful. Because some of this is so emotionally potent, it’s easy to step into it and kind of paint it a little extra purple. I would just say: “How do I tell the story with feeling, with care, with thoughtfulness but not creating a dogma of mind for them, for the listeners?”4

This simple change of title has a profound impact and raises many questions. Who is Matthew Shepard and how is his death contemplated by all? By evaluating Considering Matthew Shepard, it is evident that this work is considered through the universal human experience of grief. Johnson enacts this grieving process through specific creation and selection of texts by himself, Michael Dennis Browne, Lesléa Newman, and others. Through carefully chosen musical styles, Johnson cultivates a musical experience that suspends disbelief, and pulls us into the grieving process. Using various musical devices, such as melody, cadence, instrumentation, and rhythm, the grieving becomes an actual part of the experience, both for performers and audience members. This article will explore Considering Matthew Shepard through the Kübler-Ross model of grief.

Kübler-Ross Model of Grief

In Dr. Kübler-Ross’s 1969 book, On Death and Dying , she identifies five different stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Her work began with studying terminally ill patients, but the five stages of grief have been broadened to various types of loss. 5 When talking about grief, it must be understood that it does not simply apply to the death of a loved one. Though that may be most shocking, grief can occur after any type of loss, including losing a job, moving to a new town, and even separating from a partner. Initially, Dr. Kübler-Ross’s model of grief drew many criticisms, mostly resulting from the public perception of her model, rather than the nuances of her psychological observation. However, Kübler-Ross clarified these perceptions in a later book On Grief and Grieving

In this later book, Dr. Kübler-Ross states that the stages of grief “are not stops on some linear timeline of grief.”6 One can move from denial, skip over anger, jump to bargaining, and then pop back to denial. Grief is as complex as the human psyche, and individuals tend to uniquely move through these different stages. Along with alternating between stages, an individual can revisit a stage more than once. KüblerRoss clarifies that grieving individuals can also experience multiple stages simultaneously. That is to say, the label of a certain stage was not the only emotion or cognitive state experienced but rather the most pervasive. Meaning, an individual can bargain for the place of their loved one, while also exhibiting anger.7

A further criticism of this model involved the lack of significant empirical data. However, in 2007, the Yale Bereavement Study published research that supported the Five Stages of Grief, showcasing that individuals indeed experience these stages in a somewhat similar fashion.8 Most importantly, the process of grief is not forced, nor can one grieve incorrectly. Some critics of the Kübler-Ross model argue that the five stages are much too simple, and do not reflect the full range of the human grieving process. However, its inherent flexibility and reflection of the human experience can contribute to a sense of certainty for those that are grieving.9

5 Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying. 1st Macmillan paperbacks ed. New York: Macmillan, 1970.

6 Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, David Kessler, and Maria Shriver, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss (New York, New York : Scribner, 2014), 7.

7 Kübler-Ross, On Grief and Grieving, 7.

8 Maciejewski, Paul K, Zhang, Baohui, Block, Susan D, and Prigerson, Holly G. “An Empirical Examination of the Stage Theory of Grief.” JAMA : The Journal of the American Medical Association 297, no. 7 (2007): 716–23.

This is not a typical theoretical or historical analysis paper according to standard musicology practices. This article will be a unique attempt to understand why and how this musical work makes us feel a certain way. Analysis will incorporate elements of music theory, musicology, and psychology. The goal is to better understand our human condition, and through this interdisciplinary approach, evaluate music through the lens of emotions and human psychology.

Denial

“I just can’t believe it,” is a common saying associated with this first stage of grief. Denial is often associated with the term shock, although denial is more specifically focused on the cognitive, rather than the physiological impact of loss. It is worth noting that denial was first mentioned by Anna Freud, who believed that denial was a protective factor.10 By admitting there is an inner conflict, an individual has to deal with the situation logistically, emotionally, and psychologically. Denial is the disbelief that the loss is actually happening to an individual, and Kübler-Ross presents denial as a necessary buffer to unexpected news. 11 It allows an individual to collect themselves so they can develop healthier defenses.12 Although denial is often an initial reaction to loss, it tends to present itself throughout the stages of grief. Often, the loss can be too large of a burden to bear. Denial allows an individual to escape the reality of what may be true, even just for a small moment. However, denial is not viewed as a sustainable long-term coping strategy and can prevent a person from moving on in their grieving cycle. 13 The most striking example of denial in Considering Matthew Shepard comes in movement 10 entitled Keep It Away From Me (The Wound of Love) . The text crafted by Johnson and Browne directly reflects the cognitive process of denial.

9 Kimberly Key , “You Can’t Rush Grief ,” Psychology Today , December 28, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ counseling-keys/201512/you-cant-rush-grief.

10 Anna Freud, The Ego and the Mechanism of Defence. (New York, New York: Routledge, 2018).

Keep

It

Away From Me (The Wound of

Love) don’t wanna look on this never get near flames too raw for me grief too deep keep it away from me stay out of my heart stay out of my hope some son, somebody’s pain some child gone child never mine born to this trouble don’t wanna be born to this world world where sometimes yes world where mostly no the wound of love^ smoke round my throat rain down my soul no heaven lies keep them gone keep them never

11 Louis Linn, “The Role of Perception in the Mechanism of Denial, ” Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 1, no. 4 (October 1953): 690–705. https://doi. org/10.1177/000306515300100406.

12 Kübler-Ross, On Death and Dying grief too deep, flames too raw keep them away from me stay out of my heart stay out of my hope don’t try any old story on me no wing no song no cry no comfort ye no wound ever mine close up the gates of night the wound of love keep this all away from me the wound of love you take away the wounds of the world keep it away from me14

13 Christina Gregory, “Five Stages Of Grief - Understanding the Kubler-Ross Model,” Psycom.net - Mental Health Treatment Resource Since 1996, September 23, 2020. https://www.psycom. net/depression.central.grief.html.

In the text, the mezzo-soprano soloist directly acknowledges their feelings of denial. In the first stanza, the speaker is attempting to suppress intense feelings of pain and suffering over the tragic death of Matthew. They admit that the emotions are much too difficult to bear and that their grief is too overwhelming to manage. Therefore, they push back against the difficult situation by refusing to accept those feelings. This gives the speaker a moment to think more objectively about the situation. The soloist then goes on to attempt to rationalize what they experienced, using generalizations in the last three lines of the first stanza. The text emphasizes the idea that Shepard’s death was just a way of the world; the world is sometimes good, and it is sometimes bad. Although this may be true, this does not comfort in a way that is considerably impactful, but rather, uses a broad generalization in order to justify the death of Matthew. In the second stanza, the emotions, thoughts, and feelings become much too visceral for the soloist to bear. Johnson and Browne craft intense visualizations of rain and smoke that choke and burden the soloist with intense grief. This leads the speaker to isolate themselves, another significant element of this first stage of grief. The soloist refuses to accept any help. In the end, the speaker ends where they started, in intense denial and isolation due to the horrendous murder of Matthew Shepard.

14 Craig Hella Johnson et al., Considering Matthew Shepard, Libretto (Austin, Texas : Conspirare, 2016).

This pervasive denial is ingeniously supported musically. Johnson sets this movement to several Blues elements. Although it does not use the typical 12-bar phrasing, it utilizes many other foundational elements of Blues. The movement begins with a guitar solo, using slide motion. Following this, drums enter, keeping a steady pulse throughout, followed one measure later by a walking, pizzicato bass line. There is a swing rhythm crafted into the piano part, with the use of triplets, and call-and-response is apparent between the mezzo solo and the SSA trio. However, it is not necessarily melodically or textually related. The call-and-response in this case functions as the pervasive, conscious thoughts of the soloist. The setting of this movement to Blues music reflects a passionate, visceral, and melancholic state of emotions, which is effective in showcasing intense despair. The most pervasive elements of denial, however, are found in the places where Johnson deliberately moves away from the tenets of Blues.

Throughout the mezzo solo, only the pitches of the typical blues scale are used. This is also the case in most of the instrumental and vocal harmony of the work. Although not conventionally used in a D minor blues scale, B-natural is used in almost every other measure in the harmony, especially in the piano part. Traditionally, the harmonic structure of the blues revolves around I, IV, and V. In this setting, Johnson uses D minor and a G-Dominant-Seven most often, alternating between the two chords in nearly every measure until m.41. It would be most conventional to anticipate that following a G-Dominant-Seven chord, one could expect either C Major, or even A minor with deceptive motion: therein lies the denial. In this analysis paper, the author makes the argument that C Major is the chord of acceptance in Considering Matthew Shepard . The fusion oratorio opens with Bach’s Prelude in C-Major and ends with a settling cadence into C Major (more on this in the Acceptance section of this analysis). Throughout Keep It Away From Me (The Wound of Love), Johnson uses the G-Dominant-Seven chord to create tension, though it really never resolves to a clear C Major. This hypothesis prevails in the penultimate measure of the movement, when Johnson places a C-major chord in second inversion over an open fifth of D and A; the first time a semblance of a C Major chord has been introduced in this movement.15 within C Major, battling back and forth with the melancholy D Minor. The use of the B-natural, G-Dominant-Seven chord, and final cadence effectively reflect the speaker’s battle between denial and acceptance. Anger

The lack of ending resolution furthers the characterization of struggle with denial. It depicts the speaker trying to come to acceptance

Anger is characterized as a secondary emotion that is used to cope when individuals want to protect themselves or hide from vulnerable feelings. Anger can sometimes be redirected at others, including physical objects. Anger often clouds our logical judgment, but protects us from feeling intense or painful emotions. It is similar to denial in this way, but while denial refuses to acknowledge a loss, anger begins to redirect those overwhelming feelings. 16

16 Kimberly Holland, “What You Should Know About the Stages of Grief ,” Healthline, September 25, 2018, https://www.healthline. com/health/stages-of-grief#anger.

Movement 9, A Protestor , characterizes this secondary emotion. A Protestor sets the text of Lesléa Newman, which incorporates spoken phrases, and writings on the signs of the Westboro Baptist Church at the funeral of Matthew Shepard. Johnson juxtaposes this text by Newman with the German word kreuzige, meaning crucify; a clear reference to Bach’s St. John Passion. This movement has a double impact, as there are multiple levels of anger that can be dissected. First, is the anger experienced by the audience; the actual anger that is felt due to a feeling of unjustness. The fact that any person’s funeral is being protested feels quite unjust. From the other side, the more internalized anger comes from the perspective of the protestors themselves.

A Protestor kreuzige, kreuzige!

A boy who takes a boy to bed

Where I come from that’s not polite

He asked for it you got that right

The fires of hell burn hot and red

The only good fag, is a fag that’s dead…17

The protestors are taking advantage of Matthew Shepard’s family and friends in an incredibly vulnerable time. Interestingly, the protestors are not able to be vulnerable themselves, arguably expressing their homophobic beliefs through. It seems that Johnson understood this well. When the protestors begin to laugh, Johnson includes the note, “mixture of fear and derision.” This indicates that there is a significant level of insecurity among the protestors. Rather than expressing, managing, and dealing with their emotions productively, they instead express their hatred through derogatory slurs, chanting, and altercations with funeral goers. The second level of anger comes from the soprano and alto melody in measure 43, with the following text.

A Protestor

…C’mon, kids, it’s time for bed

Say your prayers, kiss Dad good night

A boy who takes a boy to bed?

The fires of Hell burn hot and red crucify, crucify…the light crucify the light…18

The addition of this text showcases the internalized anger and hatred juxtaposed in a child’s lullaby. This further emphasizes how these hateful beliefs, shrouded in anger, can be transferred to future generations by more subtle means.

A Protestor incorporates new rhythmic activity in “The Passion” portion of the work. In respect to percussion, Johnson begins with the cajon playing near constant eighth notes, modifying to accent the soprano and alto kreuzige in measure 20. The cajon then moves to a galloping pattern, before finally shifting to constant sixteenth notes. The work then slows down in the opposite direction, moving from straight sixteenth notes to eighth-sixteenth notes, to straight eighths, and finally ending with the addition of quarter pulses. This acceleration into a more active rhythm grows in conjunction with the soprano and alto kreuzige. Once sparse, this musical cell persists on every beat and is supported by all of the string instruments. Along with this, the tenor and bass texture develops from two layers to three layers, crafting an environment of overlapping shouts and screams.

Anger can be expressed in several ways, including physiologically, psychologically, and behaviorally. Physiologically, anger can often accompany a stress response. This stress response can often involve an increase in heart rate, emphasized by Johnson’s accelerating and accented pulse. Most emotions, most notably anger, are typically felt for about 90 seconds,19at which point, heart rate, heat in the face, and muscular tension begin to dissipate.20 The protest section of this movement, not including the lullaby, elapses for about 80 seconds. This timing directly reflects the physiological human experience and therefore has a more substantial impact on the grieving. Psychologically, children learn to deal with negative emotions through childhood. Inappropriate modeling may result in more aggressive outbursts of anger transcending into adulthood. This is yet another paradox of Johnson’s protestor setting, with the words of a mother to her child. Not only does this suggest more subtle, internalized hatred, but provides context for the anger of the protestors. Behaviorally, anger can often involve loud verbalization, also known as yelling.21 Every time the tenors and basses enter with the protest melody, they enter at a volume no softer than forte. The soprano and alto kreuzige is accented and staccato, further contributing to the yell-like quality of the movement.

18 October Mourning: A Song for Matthew Shepard. Copyright © 2012 by Lesléa Newman. Reproduced by permission of the publisher, Candlewick Press, Somerville, MA.

19 Craig Hella Johnson et al., “A Protestor,” in Considering Matthew Shepard (Austin, Texas : Conspirare, 2016), pp. 125.

20 Joseph E LuDoux, The Emotional Brain The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life (New York, New York : Simon & amp; Schuster, 2008).

21 Howard Kassinove, “How to Recognize and Deal with Anger,” American Psychological Association (American Psychological Association, 2011), https://www.apa.org/topics/recognize-anger.

Bargaining

In the stages of grief, bargaining is characterized by an individual attempting to make a deal in the hope that their loved one will be returned. This can include making an agreement with a higher power, attempting to sacrifice a bad habit for a loved one, or pondering what one could have done in order to prevent the loss. In Considering Matthew Shepard, bargaining is not a prominent stage, but rather a transition from one stage to another. Bargaining is moved through in a sequence of thoughts that includes movements 14–16. In the section, Johnson and Browne take an alternative approach to bargaining. Rather than bargaining to take the place of Matthew, they grapple with whether they could have committed the horrendous act of Aaron and Russel. This is a pivotal moment in the work, as this transitions the audience from anger to sadness.

The first piece in this sequence of bargaining is movement 14 entitled Stray Birds. The text comes from carefully chosen lines of Rabindranath Tagore’s collection of poems entitled with the same name. Tagore was a Bengali poet and author and was the first Asian recipient of the Nobel prize in Literature in 1913.22 Johnson decides to use the first and ninth stanza.

Stray Birds

Stray birds of summer come to my window to sing and fly away. And yellow leaves of autumn, which have no songs, flutter and fall there with a sigh…

…Once we dreamt that we were strangers.

We wake up to find that we were dear to each other…23

This movement directly follows the introduction to Aaron McKinney and Russel Henderson. The audience learns about their incarceration, and we are moved into Stray Birds. The text chosen in stanza one seems to reflect both the ephemerality of life, along with a transient quality. The speaker in the poem develops a relationship with the stray birds, which have no home, and the leaves, which have no purpose. Combined with stanza nine, this seems to bring the audience closer to Aaron and Russel, implying that although they did commit an awful crime, we actually may be more like them than we think. Although we may want to think that we could not commit this crime, are we really that different? Does our shared humanity mean that we are capable of falling to the same fate?

22

“The Nobel Prize in Literature in 1913,” Nobelprize.org, The Nobel Prize, accessed February 23, 2023.

23 Rabidranath Tagore, “Stray Birds.”

Johnson sets this text to unison chant, with a semi-transparent homophonic texture. This makes the text easily perceptible to the audience. The phrasing utilizes text painting, with words like “fly,” “flutter,” and “fall.” The use of text painting cultivates a visual environment for the grieving, further suspending them into the story. The grieving begin to wonder if it is at all possible that we could have just have easily been the perpetrators of the crime. The key moves from E minor, to E Major, cultivating a seamless transition into We Are All Sons, movement 15 of the work, followed by I Am Like You/We Are All Sons.

I Am Like You/We Are All Sons

…I am like you

I get confused

And I’ve been reckless, I’ve been restless, bored, Unthinking, listless, intoxicated I’ve come unhinged and made mistakes

And hurt people very much

Sometimes I feel, in springtime in early afternoon

The sunshine warm on my face

You feel this too, don’t you?

The sunshine warm on your face

I am like you

This troubles me

I am like you

Just needed to say

Some things we love

Get lost along the way…24

Johnson’s musical setting appeals to deep emotions. The setting of I Am Like You, utilizes an acapella, almost conversational, pattern. Johnson leaves space in-between short phrases of text, perceived by the listener as time for breath, or possibly contemplation. The harmony is incredibly dissonant, with the use of frequent minor seconds, sevenths, and tritones. The text also develops as society grapples with being more like the killers than they could’ve anticipated. The text battles between the statement “I am like you” and the question “I am like you,” throughout the first half of the work. This changes in the second half of the piece, when the universal human conditions and emotions are introduced. “I am like you” is interspersed through other thoughts and repeated until the end of the work. So now, rather than questioning whether the grieving could be like Aaron and Russel, they are grappling with the idea that they are like Aaron and Russel. This is further supported by the way in which this question, and complementary answer are voiced.

Moreover, the audience begins to contemplate what this message could mean. The incorporation of parentheses in some of the text showcases reflection of the individual with thoughts that they may choose not to share out loud. Johnson ends this movement with a textual and musical extension of We Are All Sons.

We Are All Sons (Part 1)

We are all sons of father and mothers

We are all sons

We are all rivers the roar of waters

We are all sons

I Am Like You/We Are All Sons

If you could know for one moment

How it is to live in our bodies

Within the world

If you could know

You ask too much of us

You ask too little.

Although not the typical presentation of bargaining, I Am Like You/We Are All Sons directly asks the grieving to consider their own values. These movements are meant to create a sense of discomfort, to pressure us to look deeper. Moreover, this pulls the audience deeper into active participation in Considering Matthew Shepard.

Depression

In the five stages of grief, depression is the least active mood. The stage of depression is when we begin to allow ourselves to look at the reality of the loss. We can no longer deny, yell, or attempt to negotiate. Because of this, depression may result in intense feelings of sadness and hopelessness. The loss becomes mostly present, now a part of the fabric of our environment. During depression, one may feel unsettled and more reserved. It is common to isolate during this stage and seek less help.26

A sense of sadness is present throughout the fusion oratorio, however, the quintessential traits pervade in movement 24, In Need of Breath. This movement directly follows Stars, a description by Dennis Shepard of the environment in which Matthew died. This movement is both a reflection of depression and an extended metaphor for the death of Matthew. The text by Hafiz compares a heart, to an unset jewel, yearning for meaning and companionship.

In Need of Breath

My heart

Is an unset jewel

Upon the tender night

Yearning for its dear old friend

The Moon.

When the Nameless One debuts again

Ten thousand faces of my being unfurl wings

And reveal such a radiance inside

I enter a realm divine-

I too being, to so sweetly cast light, Like a lamp

Through the streets of this World

My heart is an unset jewel

Upon existence

Waiting for the Friend’s touch

Tonight

My heart is an unset ruby

Offered bowed and weeping to the Sky

I am dying in these cold hours

For the resplendent glance of God27

A divine-like quality entrenches the poem, as the speaker yearns for a connection with the divine, in order to find light; to find peace. The tenor soloist is struggling to find acceptance when they are unsettled, hopeless, and uncertain. As a metaphor for Matthew Shepard, Johnson sets this to tenor solo, with the chorus only entering when the word “radiance” appears. The tenor solo, used previously throughout the work, had been a reflection of Matthew’s own voice. The poem speaks to a lack of purpose and direction, and directly speaks to dying in cold hours, just as Matthew was tied to the fence for 18 hours in 31 degree temperatures.7 In the previous movement, Stars, Dennis Shepard describes the natural comfort of the night sky, the stars and moon, the daylight and the sun, and God. In Need of Breath continues this perspective, now from the voice of Matthew.

Musically, Johnson sets this text to an adagio pace in Eb minor. This slow, walking tempo contributes to the latent energy of this stage of grief. Excerpts of the melody are given to the clarinet, cello, viola, and violin. When these moments enter, Johnson marks plaintive, indicating a sense of weeping and mourning. This is supported by the structure of the melodic lines, holding the highest pitch and descending by step with increased rhythmic activity. The vocal line has a similar pattern, approaching the highest pitch by a minor third, then gradually descending over the course of the phrase. In the second stanza, the melody in the vocal line, along with accompaniment begin to rise. This contributes to the sense of divinity, or of reaching a higher place. We begin in Gb Major in the third section beginning with “I enter a realm divine,” still with a similar melodic pattern to the first stanza. Although, there is an inkling of acceptance, as the soloist reveals that this radiance inside them will create an impact “through the streets of this world.” This subtle shift to a major key creates a momentary feeling of hopefulness. The piece returns to Eb minor, with a shift in rhythmic motion. The first two beats become accented, and the melody becomes loud and pained. This is another moment of struggling with acceptance of the incident, for both the grieving, and for Matthew. Johnson repeats the word “tonight,” first declaratively, then with a melisma, followed by a melisma “ah”, before returning to “tonight” acapella and fading. The grieving struggle to accept Shepard’s death, and Shepard himself is struggling with accepting his own fate. The weeping, accented, and declarative nature showcase frustration, and the use of melismas can be interpreted as melancholy cries. The final two stanzas of the piece begin to accept this death, though not without sadness. The poem illustrates that their heart has been given to the Sky, to a divine place, using a similar melodic contour to the previous weeping stanzas. The death is acknowledged and the texture gradually begins to thin. The work ends with the weeping motive in the clarinet and violin, bringing the grieving back to that melancholy place.

Acceptance

Acceptance does not mean that the pain of loss is gone. Acceptance is not necessarily accepting the entirety of the loss, but recognizing that the grieving process is unpredictable and immovable. Once one can acknowledge the uncertainty of the process, they are on the road to acceptance. Rather than a stage, some proponents of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy view acceptance as a state of being or an active state 28 This involves becoming psychologically flexible, defined as “coming into full contact with painful experiences and with the uniquely chosen values while consciously choosing to act and engage in a meaningful life.”29 will anyone remember me after I’m gone?

The entirety of the epilogue possesses themes of acceptance. Meet Me Here, Thank You, All of Us, and Cattle, Horses, Sky and Grass (Reprise) answer different questions of this active state. Meet Me Here invites the grieving to join them at a new horizon; not where the death will be forgotten, but a place where one can acknowledge their pain and suffering and move towards a more hopeful future. All of Us answers the question of how we can move on. Through hope, acceptance, love, and community, the grieving can prevail through any tragedy. The final reprise pays homage to the beginning of the work, ending the piece where it started. The entirety of the epilogue implies Matthew’s legacy and answers that very question presented in movement 5, The Fence (Before).

28 Steven Hayes, “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ,” Association for Contextual Behavioral Science , accessed December 11, 2020, https://contextualscience.org/act.

29 Stefan G. Hofmann and Gordon J. G. Asmundson, “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and the Cognitive Behavioral Tradition: Assumptions, Model, Methods, and Outcomes,” in The Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (London, UK: Academic Press, 2017), pp. 155–173.

The Fence (Before) still still still I wonder will I always be out here exposed and alone? will I ever know why I was put (here) on this earth? will somebody someday stumble upon me?

Still, still, still…I wonder.30

Johnson stealthily incorporates the response in movement 29, The Pilgrimage , which directly precedes the epilogue. In this dense, eight-part vocal texture, Johnson incorporates three “I wonder” phrases in the Soprano II voices of the last twenty measures. These are nearly imperceptible to the audience, given the vocal texture, vocal solos, and orchestration. We first here this “I wonder” phrase in movement five, The Fence (Before) as the soloist asks whether they will continue to be exposed and alone, and if their legacy will live beyond their physical existence. In the context of The Pilgrimage, Johnson is leading us to relieve our wonderings, or fears, and our worries of grief. The epilogue secures our sense of community, now knowing that we will not go through this grieving process alone. Moreover, the last four movements showcase that Matthew’s legacy continues to live on positively in our hearts and minds, and brings us together as a community. Musically, the final four movements share a pivotal characteristic: the use of a final cadence into C Major. Recall during Keep It Away from Me, the quintessential denial movement, the harmony incorporated multiple G-Dominant-Seven chords, but never resolved into a true C Major. Every movement in the epilogue has a final cadence to a C Major chord which reflects the theme of acceptance.

Meet Me Here begins the process of acceptance. The text directly reflects a sense of relief by the soprano soloist. The grieving recognize their trials and tribulations, but are now flexible and willing to relieve themselves of that burden. The soprano soloist asks the grieving to meet them at the new horizon, offering a sense of a new beginning. Finally, the grieving are invited to welcome one another, and to learn to move towards the light, to a greater sense of acceptance. Interestingly in the libretto, Johnson decides to alternate between italicized and non-italicized text between every stanza. A similar pattern was observed in earlier movements, such as I Am Like You/ We Are All Sons, in which parentheses were used, although in Meet Me Here, this alternation is not directly reflected in the score. Here, the alternation of format in each stanza seems to reflect the consideration of Matthew Shepard. Often, during the acceptance stage, an individual can grapple with both the emotional/psychological and practical consequences of accepting the death of the one they lost. In this case, the italicized portions reference the emotional/psychological consequence of accepting the death of Matthew Shepard. The non-italicized text reflects the practical applications of coping, in which the burden will be released, and offers a hint as to what must be done for the grieving to move through this tragedy.

Acceptance not only involves hope for the future, but recognition and understanding of the painful emotions. Acceptance does not mean that “negative” emotions case to exist, but that we have the compassion, understanding, and courage to relationship with these difficult feelings. Movement 31, Thank You, uses the spoken text of American poet and author, W.S. Merwin. The poem, Thanks , showcases both accepting the joyful, and recognizing the painful.

All of Us answers the question of what we do next? How are we able to move on from this tragedy? Of course, it would be reasonable to assume that significant policy action must be taken in order to protect the rights and lives of the LGBTQIA+ community. However, this is not explicitly a social justice piece. Johnson takes a different approach. Rather than advocating for specific policy changes, Johnson evokes a state of being that is more personal, thoughtful, and consumed by compassion. With text written by Johnson, he transcends the human experience, to a place where we can remember and consider Matthew Shepard, and also aspire to be kind, loving, caring, empathetic, and compassionate.

All of Us

What could be the song?

Where begin again?

Who could meet us there?

Where might we begin?

From the shadows climb, Rise to sing again;

Where could be the joy?

How do we begin?

Never our despair, Never the least of us, Never turn away, Never hide our face;

Ordinary boy, Only all of us, Free us from our fear, Only all of us.

What could be the song?

Where begin again?

Who could meet us there?

Where might we begin?

From the shadows climb, Rise to sing again; Where could be the joy?

How do we begin?

Never our despair, Never the least of us, Never turn away, Never hide your face; Ordinary boy, Only all of us, Free us from our fear.

Only in the Love, Love that lifts us up, Clear from out the heart

From the mountain’s side, Come creation come, Strong as any stream; How can we let go? How can we forgive? How can we be dream?

Out of heaven, rain, Rain to wash us free; Rivers flowing on, Ever to the sea; Bind up every wound, Every cause to grieve; Always to forgive, Only to believe.

[Chorale:]

Most noble Light, Creation’s face, How should we live but joined in you, Remain within your saving grace

Through all we say and do And know we are the Love that moves The sun and all the stars? +

O Love that dwells, O Love that burns In every human heart.

(Only in the Love, Love that lifts us up!)

This evergreen, this heart, this soul, Now moves us to remake our world, Reminds us how we are to be Your people born to dream; How old this joy, how strong this call, To sing your radiant care

With every voice, in cloudless hope Of our belonging here.

Only in the Love… Only all of us…

(Heaven: Wash me …)

All of us, only all of us.

What could be the song?

Where do we begin?

Only in the Love, Love that lifts us up. All Of Us

All.31

All of Us offers hope for a brighter future. In Considering Matthew Shepard, it directly tells us that we all are given the opportunity to grieve for Matthew. Johnson expertly sets this text to reflect a gospel style, beginning in Bb major. The rhythm incorporates various levels of syncopation and is driving throughout. The form is generally strophic, as each verse is set to similar melodic material, with the notable exception of the chorale setting. Johnson moves from an empowering SSA trio at the beginning, to a thick texture that incorporates a double choir and soloists. All of Us generally emphasizes a common chord progression, utilizing I, IV, V, and vi. Using a simple chord progression emphasizes the decisiveness of choosing acceptance. Furthermore, this progression makes the music much more predictable making this movement more accessible and universal. Johnson raises the key from Bb to C Major directly after the chorale setting in this movement. The chorale setting offers a sense of roundedness and pays homage to the passion settings of J.S. Bach. The chorale in this movement is also where the call to action lies in the text, showcased by the italicized words. This ascent to C Major through rising vocal lines that exceed the typical vocal tessituras craft exceptional hope, and the literal raising of hearts. The final two measures directly reference “alls” heard as the first choral sound in entire work, again, answering the question of who considers Matthew Shepard. All of Us ends with a plagal cadence into C Major.

Cattle, Horses, Sky and Grass (Reprise) (This chant of life cannot be heard

It must be felt, there is no word

To sing that could express the true Significance of how we wind

Through all these hoops of Earth and mind

Through horses, cattle, sky and grass

And all these things that sway and pass.)

Yoodle—ooh, yoodle-ooh-hoo, so sings a lone cowboy,

Who with the wild roses wants you to be free 32

Cattle, Horses, Sky and Grass (Reprise) uses the same text from the first moment, this time, ending with the tenor solo. In measure 130 and 131 of the first movement, Johnson inscribes a half cadence, moving from F major to G major. This is in contrast to this final movement, in which the cadence moves from a single “G” sung by the tenors, to a root position C major. This is grounding and settling, as we’ve avoided a strong cadence into C Major for the entire fusion oratorio up to this point. Johnson ends with the tenor solo, which now holds a more significant meaning. The solo directly calls on the grieving to release their pain and finally be free of the grief. The entire work ends, for the first time, with a secure cadence into C Major, releasing the grieving from the tension that bound them.

Conclusion

Crafted through the experience of grief, Considering Matthew Shepard contains elements of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Through text, musical style, and various musical devices, Craig Hella Johnson invites the grieving to experience and enact the five stages of grief. The audience and performers alike are suspended both as participants, and close observers to the life, death, and legacy of Matthew. The question that pervades throughout the oratorio is answered, as Matthew has fundamentally impacted the culture of American society and the queer community. In December of 1998, the Matthew Shepard Foundation was incorporated. A theatrical work entitled The Laramie Project was premiered in Denver in February of 2000. During his first term, Barack Obama signed into law “The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009,” which federally criminalized causing harm to another individual because of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. Although this work touches on an issue of social injustice, the work’s specific purpose is not policy action. Considering Matthew Shepard is not just for the friends and family of Matthew, the world that watched his death, the queer community, or the one’s that took his life. Considering Matthew Shepard is for all of us to experience through the universal human experience of grief. 33

— Nicholas Sienkiewicz

Nicholas Sienkiewicz is a conductor and researcher based in NYC. His previous work has been published in the Choral Journal, with a focus on the interdisciplinary connections between choral music and the sciences. Nick has presented at national and international conferences including the College Music Society, European Association for Music in Schools, and the American Choral Director’s Association. Nick received his Master’s of Music in Choral Conducting from Indiana University, studying under Dominick DiOrio, Betsy Burleigh, Walter Huff, and Chris Albanese. Currently, Nick is the Artistic Director of the Lehigh Valley Chorale and the Interim Artistic Director of the Youth Pride Chorus.

www.nickdsienkiewicz.com