May 2014
Letter to my readers ach month when I sit down to write you a letter, I have a fresh pot of coffee brewing and imagine you as friend who just popped in for a visit. If you were really here, our conversation would begin at the kitchen table where I would explain my three objectives when writing “Grin ‘n’ Bare It.” I do this every few years for the benefit of new readers. Yet if you and I have been friends from the beginning, since 1982, I’ll remind you that was the year “Grin” was born or first published in the George County Times, later the Sun Herald and, since 1994, in Today in Mississippi. The first objective is to write a true story; second, to write about a subject that the majority have in common, and third, to write entertaining yet informative topics. Readers write and share their stories about a particular column—for example: pets, book collections, health issues, wives and husbands, grandchildren, housework, embarrassments and many more. I love that. They also write and share their travels or ask about a previous travel log. Readers and friends, I appreciate all of you. I wish, in reality, I could meet each of you and share coffee at my kitchen table. Not all at once, of course.
E
Southern hospitality is real. Each of us has told a friend or new acquaintance to come see us. Here’s a little advice: Don’t tell people from up north or from another country to come visit you unless you truly mean it. I’m talking about people who have to unpack luggage when they stop by for a visit. This year is the sixth year we are expecting a “luggage visit” from a couple who live in Australia. We didn’t go to Australia but met them on a tour when we went to Europe. It’s not that I don’t like them, because I do, but we’ve run out of entertainment within a day’s drive. If you are vacationing in Mississippi and find yourself near the coast this summer, drop me a note and I will send you a list of sights to visit near Lucedale. We are a tad over an hour’s drive from Biloxi and Gulf Shores, Ala. You will be surprised at the unique sightseeing adventures near our small town. From Dauphin Island, Ala. to Broadway productions and opera in Hattiesburg. Before you begin your Mississippi vacation, may I remind you that it’s time for spring cleaning! It’s very rewarding to come home to a clean house, because you know the lawn won’t be the same way you left it. I suggest you begin with
your refrigerator. It’s the one place you’ll always find a surprise awaiting. Not necessarily a welcome surprise. Why is it that those produce keepers, normally called “rot drawers” at my house, let you down every week. I had planned to stirfry the broccoli and fresh green beans last night. When I opened the drawer everything was covered in slime. Mr. Roy walked in at that exact moment. I closed it quickly, but not quick enough. He shook his head. “I’d like to know how much money you’ve wasted over the years in that rot drawer?” I became defensive. “I suppose you’re going to matheGrin ‘n’ matically calcuBare It late the amount by Kay Grafe of money contingent on the number of years we’ve been married. Well, just remember it’s not my fault.” “I guess you’ll tell me it’s my fault,” he said. “Why don’t you ever blame the grocery? The minute I get home, the melt-
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down begins. That produce was ready to rot when I bought it. You’d think it could sit here two days without slime.” He rubbed his forehead. “Why didn’t you use the new produce bag I bought to keep vegetables fresh?” “That wasn’t worth the money. I put the lettuce and asparagus in it, but in no time the veggies melted through the bag to the drawer.” “How much time is ‘no’ time?” he asked. Oh, my, I was thinking how time leaps away from me. “I won’t let the rot go to waste,” I said. Then I took the drawer and poured it on the compost pile outside. If I’d answered, What don’t you understand about ‘no’?, I’d be relinquishing the argument to Mr. Roy. So I quit. See you next visit. It’s time to plan our summer trip. Time is of the essence. I don’t want my timekeeper to change his mind. It could spoil my summer. Kay Grafe is the author of “Oh My Gosh, Virginia.” To order, send name, address, phone number and $16.95, plus $3.50 S&H to Kay Grafe, 2142 Fig Farm Road, Lucedale, MS 39452.
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