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For What It’s Worth
A
few months ago, I mentioned in my column that an old flame is better left in the past, for a myriad of reasons. I neglected to mention that at the top of the list is, we are no longer the same people we were ten, twenty, fifty years ago, and regardless of how much we believe nothing has changed, it has. The beauty of digging up an old boyfriend or girlfriend is that time is erased, memories come to the forefront of your life, and it is as if you have discovered the fountain of youth. Love, even puppy love, feels so exhilarating, and makes the humdrum days of work, responsibilities, packing lunch boxes and mopping floors, vanish. What replaces them is the possibility that love will flourish, feelings will emerge stronger than ever, and most of all, the calendar turns backward to good times, young love, raging hormones, and a million promises of things to come. 46
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by Dr. Melfi, Ph.D.
I, myself, spent a good amount of my time in high school writing my boyfriend’s name a thousand times in my notebooks, tattooing his name on my arm with an ink pen, and daydreaming of every word he uttered to me, replaying his voice over and over in my mind. Making eye contact with him was like a thousand shockwaves going through my body, and every decision I made, was with him in mind. Of course, life happens, high school comes to an end, and people move on their separate ways, but that love, first love, never really leaves. It survives through other marriages, the birth of children, the purchase of a first home, and everything else that comes along, but sometimes, some of us, the lucky ones, get a second chance. It is as if the universe has smiled down and bestowed one wonderful gift to cherish. All that sounds perfect, but often it is similar to trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. It doesn’t really work, but if we
really try, if we push, and pull and file down the edges, and grunt and groan, if we stomp on it, we can finally get it in the hole. But it doesn’t really fit, you know it and I know it. The edges are scraped and rough, the hole has been reshaped to fit something that no longer works, and once we finally realize we can never get those feelings back, it is the heartbreak of a lifetime. Spare yourself the agony, and keep your memories tied up in ribbons, hidden away in a bottom drawer, memories you can visit when you’re feeling low or lonely, but memories that should never be acted upon. For What it’s Worth, if you don’t heed this advice, the reality of loss will be devastating.
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