family This is their family so their feelings need to be taken into account as well. They may feel that if you no longer love their other parent, you may also feel the same with them.
they may feel very unhappy about all of this but you need to understand that this is a major adjustment for them as well.
Will we still be a family?
Don’t allow your children to feel the pressure of choosing. As adults you really need to put your personal feelings aside and see what is in the best interests of your children. If you don’t get along treat your relationship like a business. Make a choice to understand that you both had your children together and right now (despite how you both feel) the last
Let them know you will still be a family, but it will just look a little different. Explain you will both be doing different things at different times with them, but you will both make a great effort to keep things as normal as possible (this should include after-school hobbies or sports). You need to be patient with your children here as
TIPS FOR POTENTIAL STEPPARENTS
When entering an already established family with children, remember the children may be very sensitive to their mother/father dating. Children have gone through a traumatic experience and the thought of someone coming into their home to either replace the parent who has left or just the fact that they may take their parent’s attention away can make them defensive at first. It’s best not to try too hard to impress the children. Give them time to get to know you. Don’t ever try to replace the parent who has left. They only want you to be their friend. This way you will find that your relationship should move along a lot smoother, but at first you may have to work at it. Try these tips: • Be yourself at all times – they want to know you for who you are. • Don’t try to impress them by buying things for them. Let them see the real you. • Don’t shut the child out because you want to get closer to their parent. You knew before you entered the relationship that children were involved so try to include them on some of your dates. You may be
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mychild | november 2014
Who am I going to live with?
surprised at how much fun you all have. • Be respectful that the child may want some personal space with their biological parent. If you honour the child’s request to give them time with their parent, they may not be so jealous of you spending time with their mummy/daddy. • Spend quality time alone with the children. Find out what sports they like or hobbies. Take time out to get to know them and get into their world for a while. • Respect your new partner’s ex-spouse. This is very important for the child. • Don’t ever speak badly of the parent who is not living with them. Sometimes it’s best to put yourself in the other parent’s shoes to see how you would like it if they were talking like this about you? If the child wants to talk to you about their parent just listen, but never talk badly of them even if the child does. The next day the child will love them again. A child’s love is unconditional. • Give the children your full attention when they are talking to you. Eye-to-eye contact is very important. Always remember to be patient with kids you are getting to know. They are trying to adjust to something they probably never thought they would have to go through.