22
YOUTH >> continued from pg 14
children and teens, keeping lines of communication open are all ways to support our youth. Normalizing difficult emotions or changes in daily functioning can be very effective in helping to alleviate the anxiety children and teens may feel but not be able to articulate. These changes are often normal responses to the loss of equilibrium resulting from trauma. People often become more anxious when experiencing changes, while these shifts are completely natural biological and emotional responses to any form of loss or trauma. And these deaths are traumatic. Add to this trauma, the additional impact of the invalidating environment. It is known in the mental health field, that trauma is compounded when caretakers deny or dismiss the trauma. This is being done on a systemic level, evidenced by the current refusal of law enforcement and media to consider these murders potential hate crimes. This creates an invalidating environment, in that an emerging reality of increasing Islamophobia is basically denied despite our community's direct experience. The good news is that there are many ways we can address the needs and emotional well-being for our youth, as well as for the entire community. First, we must be vigilant and intentional in our own handling of material and media relating to violence against our community members. For example, consider the age and emotional maturity of children when discussing events, or when using news and social media outlets. Controlling access to news and social media is essential in helping younger children prevent being over stimulated by material their developing brains cannot yet handle. Being mindful of our own discussions of current events is also crucial. If young children ask
....
June 23 - July 20, 2017
CONTINUED questions, clarify with them what they have been told or what they've heard, to check for accuracy and to detect possible anxiety or fear. If they ask questions, keep answers short, clear and give reassurances for their own safety. For teens and tweens, actively helping youth become critical media consumers can be very helpful. Monitor what youth are getting exposed to on social media by discussing with them what they notice. Ask for their opinions and observations. Normalize stress responses and be open to the diversity of possible stress reactions. Keep communication open by inviting conversation and also by being involved in leisure activities or doing other things to promote a sense of predictably in an otherwise chaotic world. For those individuals or families with potential trauma, be aware that it is common for existing existing or old traumas to be retriggered by new stressful events. This does not indicate sickness or brokenness. It just means there is some work and self care to be done. It is perfectly acceptable to seek help from friends, family, or professionals if needed. As Muslims, we are encouraged to pray, work on our selves, and to seek the "cure" or assistance when needed. For those most closely connected to our dear brother and sister- frie n d s, cl a ss m a t es, fa m i ly Members, and the teens who were in close proximity to or who witnessed the abduction and assault: please know that there are a multitude of common responses. Some may experience guilt, self doubt, sadness and depression. Please remember and know that only one party is responsible for the trauma of these two deaths-the criminal perpetrators. Seek help and support for distress you may experience as you struggle to process and integrate these
traumas. Look out for evolving grief and any possible signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: a sense of reexperiencing the trauma event, flashbacks, nightmares, increased anxiety, hypervigilance, need to avoid reminders of the trauma, sense of being alone or isolated. These are all natural but painful responses to trauma. And ultimately, the community can grow stronger and knit more tightly by mutual support of our youth and each other. There is rich opportunity in the aftermath of trauma, for the individuals and the wider community to become stronger and to develop a sense of meaning and purpose. May Allah open our ability to support each other and our youth, ameen. To foster community support, recognize critical questioning as an attempt to make sense of tragedy. The intermosque politics and conflicts,
the media's negative portrayal of the victims of crime, and the refusal to see the murders as hate crimes can be symptoms of our society's difficulty grieving the loss and as bids to make sense of the inexplicable. Inshallah, may our community come together in unity rather than divide, as we struggle to come to terms with the violent crimes against our dear young sister and brother. We owe it to the families and friends to unite rather than divide. Patti Blades is a LCSW-C MD BSWE approved Supervisor, Adjunct Instructor for a local university. She has worked with youth, families and complex psychological trauma since 2000. Blades is a member of the board of trustees at Maryum Islamic Center.