MUSIC&RIOTS Magazine // Issue 24

Page 85

ANE

weeks and at the time my daughter was two years old, and so for me the fact that I began reflecting on motherhood it wasn’t really an intentional choice. It was pretty circumstantial and it was kind of what I had been doing so intensely for the past two years. It’s what I naturally was drawn to sort of start unpacking and to write about. Because it wasn’t a conscious decision to “I’m going to write about motherhood”, when I began writing the songs it became very clear, after I’d written a handful, “I guess this is what I have to talk about right now.” [laughs] Why did you name the album as Cusp? Cusp is the word that describes the time that the astrological sign changes, so I was born on the cusp between Aries and Taurus. My birthday is April 20th. I was pregnant when I recorded the album, which felt very fitting for the subject matter of the songs, and the weekend that the album was being finished, it was being mixed down in Los Angeles and I was supposed to be down there while they mixed the record, to obviously help with that process. But instead I had to have my baby early and she was born five weeks early. She was also born on the cusp and she was born on February 20th. The word also means like on the brink of or the threshold between, so I’m referencing pregnancy and how it sort of this in-between place that baby is not quite in the world yet. The baby is not quite participating here, but it’s not in the other world either. A lot of these songs are referencing this in between place and in this beginning place, and I think of the word cusp sort of embodies a lot of the feelings like that that are on the record. And so there were a number of reasons why I titled it that. You recorded the new songs while pregnant with your second child, and during the mixing process, you went into labor five weeks early. You went through a near-death experience while giving birth to new life. How do you look back to those moments of your life now that you’re about to release the album? I learned a lot from that experience and it also strangely I had already recorded all the songs on the album, but there are certain songs that explore that idea of the intersection between birth and death. It was pretty strange to then experience that myself when it was something I had already written about on the album. I think that’s another reason why it sort of all connected back and that’s why I named it Cusp and how that related to the whole experience. I think after going through that and really feeling so close to the edge, I’ve been left with this sense that I just appreciate every day now and I’m just glad to be here. It has also given me a new appreciation for what I’m able to do with my music and just appreciating performing much more than I ever had before. Just given me a new joy of life and just to not taking anything for granted. It was a bit of an awakening for sure. Yeah, that’s really amazing. It makes life even more interesting. So, like you were saying before, you wrote this new album 2016 in a small cabin deep within snowy woods where you lived during a three-

week artist residency at Caldera, Oregan, alone for the first time since become a mother. As an artist, how was it like the experience? It was a really nurturing experience for me. Motherhood is such a full-time job and to be able to get away by myself and to reflect on that life felt very wonderful for me. I was writing the songs, but I was also just taking care of myself and I was having some time away to get perspective. I was putting logs on the fire in the little wood stove in the cabin as watching football. I read some books. It was very healing and I got to have proper rest. I could sleep as long as I wanted. The creation of these songs came out of a place of peace and of just sort of collecting myself again, sort of a reawakening and a reconnection with myself and being able to get back in touch with my creativity as well. It was quite wonderful. That’s really important. As a mother you have to take care of your child, but you have to care yourself as well. Yeah. I’ve learned that in the years since becoming a mother. Now that I have two children, I can feel that even more because with two kids you’re that much busier. The tour that I just went on I was away for two weeks and my littlest child will be one in February this month, so she’s quite small and it felt really hard to leave, but once I was gone I realized how important it is for me to be able to take some time away and sort of reconnect with my music as well. It felt so wonderful to go out and perform these songs. I missed my children, but I also was like “This is really fun to be away.” [laughs] I appreciate it. It’s like you are recharging your energies and then go back to take care of them with more strength. How’s it like for you now that you are a mother to adapt the life on the road with your family? The two are so different. After my first child was born, when she was two I did a tour where we brought her with us and that was so difficult. It was so challenging to be a mother and to put on a good concert at night. I was exhausted. I’ve realized after that that it’s really important to separate the two things and that when I’m on tour I need to just be fully present with that and engaged with that experience. That allows me to when I’m at home I can just focus on being a mom and I don’t need to worry about the performance and all these other things. And then it also allows me, when I have childcare a few times a week, I have a nanny come here and I have five hours. I leave the house and I fully engaged with my work and that feels really wonderful. But when I’m at home with my kids, I have to just fully be with them. And so the two roles do their best when I’m able to carve out time for each thing. During the writing of the new album, you broke a thumbnail which led you to the songwriting on a grand piano, resulting in the most piano driven album of your career. Were you expecting such a gratifying end product? It’s really a riveting album. It’s such a silly story. [laughs] The first day I arrived at the residency I remember breaking my fingernail off and just being musicandriots.com

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