Birthday
UNMASKED
I
by Jean Eisenman | photo courtesy of Jean Eisenman
just celebrated my birthday with family and friends the COVID-19-compliant (party pooper) way. They say “necessity is the mother of invention,” so we did our best to conform to pandemic protocol, yet have a good time. We should’ve thrown a masquerade party.
burgers. “Because you’d have to TOUCH
To maintain occupancy compliance, there were just 10 of us. We chose to gather at my house. Odd, because it was a surprise party.
gave me a Mask-of-the-Week boxed set,
Guests arrived, some wearing dress clothes from the waist up along with pajama bottoms and slippers. They work from home. Everyone wore masks, and I had no idea who some of them were until we sat down to eat, barriers removed. It’s hard to converse with mystery guests, yet somehow a little titillating. Note to self: Next time, check IDs at the door, then slap a “Hello, my name is ______” sticker on them. The first guest to enter the house had the honor of breaking through the yellow “STERILIZED” banner I had draped across the front door. He won the...door prize. Van, my husband, temperature screened everyone as they entered. I concluded that my many gifts would offset the cost of us having to buy eight oral thermometers. Like a good hostess, I set my own birthday tablescape, complete with festive birthday-themed paper plates, wax-lined cups and matching plastic utensils. At
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every place setting was a gift bag stuffed with a pair of latex gloves and two mini bottles of hand sanitizer. Chairs around the table were placed six feet apart, which meant using the two extra table leaves we only add at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh, I also packed little toy megaphones into everyone’s gift bag in case we couldn’t hear each other clearly at that table distance. YOU’RE WELCOME, GRANDMA.
them,” and I mimicked the family glare.
My presents included masks that added
to my growing collection. “Cousin Ribeye” each one embossed with its own day,
from Monday through Sunday. Since I’m
a year older, these should help keep me on track in case I forget what day it is.
However, I already have day-of-the-week
underwear that serve
“It’s hard to converse with mystery guests, yet somehow a little titillating.”
I filled a wicker basket with hand sanitizer packets to pass around - family style - before eating, followed by the rolls (in a different basket).
A buffet-style dinner was ruled out. We didn’t want social distancing stickers on our carpet. So I put on my latex gloves and served (whose birthday was this again?). My cousin had the darndest time cutting his ribeye with a plastic knife, but I reminded him about being a team player in these crucial times. I also reminded him that Rome wasn’t built in a day. He glared, just as Van asked me why we didn’t serve
the same purpose. Best gift of all, a
mask from grandma, on which she hand embroidered our
family tree, each leaf containing a family member’s name –
even cousins twice
removed. The mask
extends past my larynx. We have a big family.
After everyone left, we took a few minutes
(okay, an hour) to sanitize, fumigate, wash, and disinfect the furniture, doorknobs,
carpet and floors. Once the “sanitized for your protection” band was placed on the guest toilet, the process was complete. We’ll plan our next event around, say,
2023. And if I have my way, that’ll be my next birthday, too.
SEPTEMBER 2020 | 35 WEST | 7
