mtsu
SIDELINES
02.21.2018 Vol.93 No.1
The Love and Marriage Edition
Illustrated by Abigail Potter
The Love and Marriage Edition 05 07
Movie magic: A love story told through film
09
MTSU faculty couples share what it is like to work with their partners
10
As told by Hollywood: Only heterosexual white men and women fall in love
13 16
Relationships without ‘asexual’ requirement
17 18
Featured cartoon
New son gives Sanders fresh perspective love for everyday life
A romance playlist
A letter a day: How an MTSU professor honors his late wife
A Note from the Editor The idea of love can be a polarizing subject for many people -- college students or not. On one hand, who doesn’t appreciate the giddiness that accompanies the feelings of a relationship? But on the other, the risk of heartbreak can be enough to deter some from seeking something more than friendship. In this edition, we tackle the complicated issue of love in all its forms: the love between a father and son, the heartbreak that comes from a lost love and the love that forms between spouses who work alongside each other in their careers. Lifestyles editor Tayhlor Stephenson and contributing writer Barbara Harmon write about asexuality, a sexual identity that rarely is discussed in the media, despite more and more people identifying as such every day. Our news editor, Andrew Wigdor, shares his personal essay about his love of movies and how it built the foundation for his relationship with his fiancée. Many personal and touching stories are discussed in this edition, giving an intimate look at Middle Tennessee State University’s community. Thanks for reading.
Cover illustrated by Abigail Potter
Meet the Crew
Editor-in-Chief Brinley Hineman
Managing Editor Marissa Gaston
Lifestyle Editor Tayhlor Stephenson
Sports Editor Rusty Ellis
Design Editor Abigail Potter
Assistant Sports Editor David Chamberlain
Assistant News Editor Caleb Revill
Student Adviser Leon Aligood
News Editor Andrew Wigdor
Music Editor Hayden Goodridge
Assistant Lifestyle Editor Wendy Anderson
02.21.18 /04
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Movie magic: A love story told through film By Andrew Wigdor / News Editor
F
or the entirety of my adult life, my outlook, sense of humor and countless characteristics that have shaped my personality have been influenced by movies. I have never collected stamps, toys, coins or
postcards. I collect films. In fact, I’m proud to say that my DVD collection is now reaching past 70 movies. I always revel in the chance to see a movie at the theater, especially when it’s a movie that I believe will affect me in an unpredictable way, and one of my favorite hobbies is watching a film with someone I care about. With all of that being said, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that films were so present and, dare I say, important in finding the woman that I love.
Act 1: Scene 1: “The Grand Budapest Hotel” We first met when I walked into class on the first day of the semester and saw her sitting in her chair, bright and early. It was the classic story of boy sits next to girl in class and awkwardly glances at girl for two hours. However, on the second day or maybe third day, I worked up the courage to say, “Hey.” It wasn’t until the day after “Hey” that I elevated small-talk to medium-talk with a discussion about -- what else -- movies. We delighted in the fact that we both were deeply impressed by the work of Wes Anderson, the director of films such as “The Darjeeling Limited,” “The Royal Tenenbaums” and “The Fantastic Mr. Fox.” However, it was Anderson’s “The Grand Budapest Hotel” that got us really talking. It was the first of Anderson’s films that I had seen, despite it being his most recent, and it was the movie that sparked a conversation deep enough to continue into the hallway after class had ended. I walked with her to her next class, which was in the same building as my next class. I caught a glance from her. A smile. It reminded me of a scene from “The Grand Budapest Hotel.” The main character, Zero, rides a carousel with his future wife. He stares into her eyes and the shot locks on her face, close-up. Lights twinkle and surround her smile as she looks into his eyes. I think of that scene every time I look at her.
Act 1: Scene 2: “The Birth of a Nation” After a couple months, I finally attempted to ask her to join me in a setting that was not the distance between our first and second classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I know, that seems a bit slow, but I always liked the idea of being friends first. Maybe it’s another influence from movies. I asked her to go with me to a film, titled “The Birth of a Nation.” I wanted her to go on a date with me, but I was nervous, which meant that I convinced myself that I needed some other kind of hook. I told her that we were talking about Nat Turner in my English class, so I wanted to see this movie that centered around Turner’s life. All of that was true, but, retrospectively, unnecessary. She said yes. My heart jumped. We saw “The Birth of a Nation” on a Saturday. It was good but bloody, violent and visceral. Not exactly first date movie material. During the movie, I thought about chances to hold her hand, but I shied away, unsure if she thought of me in the same light. I remember apologizing after the movie ended because I was nervous she’d be upset about all the violence. She smiled up at me and said she thought the movie was great. I agreed, and we walked out of the theater to her car, which is where we first joined hands. My heart leapt once again.
Act 2: Scene 1: “La La Land” It was several months into our relationship when we first saw the movie, “La La Land.” It hit theaters nationwide after the new year came around, and I wanted to see it because I enjoyed the director’s previous films. After watching the trailer, we were both excited to see it, and after watching “La La Land” with her, it became my favorite film of the year. It was full of impeccable directing, incredible cinematography, charismatic acting and, most importantly, it reminded me of how much I was in love with her. The movie combined old Hollywood ideals of finding “the one” and some new Hollywood ideals, such as societal cynicism and moving on. We both thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. After our first viewing, we discussed the many reasons it affected us, how we saw
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02.21.18 ourselves in that world and how we felt connected to that feeling of love. We ended up seeing it in theaters four times.
Act 2: Scene 2: “A Ghost Story” We saw “A Ghost Story” at the Belcourt Theatre in Nashville and fell in love with it. It’s a very depressing movie about death, mortality and time, but it is also, in many ways, a love story. The general synopsis of the film is that a man dies in a car crash, and his wife, who outlived him by many years, spends much of the movie remembering and missing him. However, there is a bit of a twist. The husband comes back to his home after death as a ghost, draped in a classic white bed sheet with two round eye-holes. He watches her, silently, for years and years as she learns to move on and leave him behind. While many could pull a much more cynical meaning from the film, it jumped out at me as a movie that was, almost entirely, about how love can span vast distances of time and space and can present itself in almost every form. Sure, people move on and people can grow out of those specific relationships, but love finds a way. Even when it finds its way under a pale, linen sheet. That’s the reason I decided to incorporate the film into my eventual proposal. I purchased the movie from Target as I was planning the perfect way to propose to her. I decided to tape the ring inside the DVD case and give the movie to her as an “anniversary gift.” At exactly one year of being together, through thick, thin and dozens of trips to the theater, I presented a DVD copy of “A Ghost Story” to her, complete with a ring taped inside. She took a breath. I got on a knee and thought about her and about how important to me it was that she shared my various passions. I know that may sound silly, but, after all, movies are what started this fantastic, crazy adventure. While I am not saying that I credit it all to films, they were always there to, once again, remind me of what is truly important.
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/06
New son gives Sanders fresh perspective, love for everyday life by Rusty Ellis / Sports Editor and David Chamberlain / Assistant Sports Editor
Photo by Devin P. Grimes / MTSU Sidelines
T
he life of a student-athlete is grueling; it requires hard work on both the playing field and the classroom. For one Blue Raider, the work doesn’t end when he leaves campus. Senior linebacker D.J. Sanders has his son Damion waiting for him at home, waiting to see his father after a long day of hard work. Along with with his girlfriend, Jada Burton, Sanders has raised Damion since he was born in early October. Though he admits to being shocked initially, Sanders is thankful for having a son in his life. “I actually found out last year on Valentine’s Day,” Sanders said. “It was a shocking moment, I was speechless at first. Then, I got scared because I had to tell my parents.” Not knowing what either his or her parents would think, the support he and Burton received was overwhelming in the initial stages of parenthood. “When I told them, they were very supportive,” Sanders said. “Her parents were very supportive, and ever since that day, I have been very thankful for being a father.” The moment he was born was a moment Sanders would never forget, as it marked the beginning of a journey that has changed his life. They named him Damion Jaden, effectively allowing them to call him D.J. as well. “Joy and excitement that there was another little D.J. in the world,” Sanders said about his initial feelings when Damion was born. “It was a surreal feeling for me. I didn’t really know how I would react.” While the moment was a real milestone for him, Sanders is quick to point out that Burton cried before he did. “I almost shed a tear, but I didn’t cry,” Sanders said with a small smile. “She cried, but I didn’t cry.” While he was happy, Sanders knew that he had a long and difficult road ahead of him. With the Blue Raiders in the midst of fighting for bowl eligibility and graduation fast approaching, he know had to find a way to balance all of that with spending time with his girlfriend and son. The beginning stages featured waking up early and a lot of commuting to-and-from Nashville. In that time, he experienced something that all new fathers do: a distinct lack of sleep. “It was tough, the first couple of days were really boring because he was still in the hospital (at Vanderbilt),” Sanders said. “I would spend the night up there, and then wake up at six to drive (to Murfreesboro) for workouts. Then, I would go to class, and come back to Nashville after practice. It was really hard, I didn’t get much sleep.” While the lack of sleep was difficult at first, Sanders explains that he has gotten used to it and is able to help his son more than he could early on. “(I) just didn’t know what he wanted sometimes, but after a while, you get used to the crying,” Sanders said. “It just becomes, ‘what’s wrong with him now?’’ One of the first challenges arose when the team hit the road for away games. While it was tough on Burton at first, good communication and support from their families made the short-term distance more manageable. “She doesn’t like being alone in the apartment, but she would go home to Clarksville and her mom would help her out,” Sanders said. “I would always talk to her when I was away, and we would FaceTime. Even know, we FaceTime and talk.” On the field, Sanders now had more motivation than ever to succeed. He didn’t just want to win for his team, but also Damion. He credits that to a new perspective he gained from the moment he became a father. “It made me look at life differently,” Sanders said of his attitude. “Seeing my child born made me appreciate life, and it gave me extra motivation to be a better person and a role model.” Sanders was certainly motivated for the stretch run of the season. He helped lead the Blue Raiders to six wins and bowl eligibility by the end of the season. They were awarded a berth to the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl, where they defeated the Arkansas State Red Wolves by a final score of 35-30.
As the next milestone, graduation, draws closer, Sanders has become more appreciative of the little things in life. When asked what the best part of being a father is, his answer was simple. “Going home after a long day and seeing his smile,” Sanders said. “Then you know that no matter what you went through that day, he’s at home laughing, smiling and bringing joy to your life.”
Photo courtesy of D.J. Sanders
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02.21.18 /08
MTSU faculty couples share what it’s like to work with their partners
By Wendy Anderson / Assistant Lifestyles Editor
I
n most relationships, couples go their separate ways every morning and
their entire careers. In addition to education, the digital slideshow that plays on
head to their respective jobs. However, for some people, their partner is also
the monitor in Kathy’s office displays another passion the pair share: travel.
their colleague. Regardless of your thoughts on working with the person
you’re in a relationship with, there are several couples that teach at MTSU who prove that you can stay together even if you work together. They shared what it’s like working with their partners. Christine Eschenfelder and her husband, Dan Eschenfelder, are well
Larry said he remembers being a young kid, about 12-years-old, and thinking it would be cool to get to work with his future wife one day. Now that his dream has come true, Larry joked that the perk of working with his wife is getting to carpool. Kathy, who affectionately refers to her husband as “my honey,” talks
known in the journalism department. They’ve been married for almost 17 years
about working with her husband for all these years and how nice it is to have a
and have worked at MTSU together for two of those years. Their story is one
spouse that understands the job.
of uniqueness, because they’ve also worked together at five different places. As
“It’s wonderful to have somebody who understands the
Dan would describe it, they’ve worked “in or around each other (their) entire
responsibilities,” Kathy said. “I don’t see any disadvantages (to working
careers.”
together).” They met in the journalism field while working at First Coast News in
Jacksonville, Florida. Both spouses talked about how it’s common to date within the industry.
However, Larry did describe one downside to working with his wife: their names. “Our students get us confused,” he jokes.
“You spend so much time with your coworkers in this business. You
Another couple that’s newer to MTSU’s staff is Sally Ann Cruikshank
get to know each other really well … you speak the same language,” Dan said.
and her partner of four years, Spencer Elliott. The pair met in graduate school
Working together for so long, though, has both its ups and downs. Speaking the same language is one of the ups, while always having to look for two jobs in the same field wherever they move is a major down. “You end up being on top of each other in your career,” said Dan. “That’s been the story of our lives.” Christine added to that statement by saying, “fate continues to bring us back together.” When you step into Christine’s office, it’s apparent that she and her
in the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University. Cruikshank echoed most of what the other couples had to say about working with a significant other. She explained that being in a relationship with someone who is working in the same field as you can be beneficial for both involved. “Our jobs make both of us better at our jobs,” she said. Spencer further explained how their situation works perfectly for them. While Cruikshank teaches several courses in the journalism department
husband share a special bond. The amount of happy photos on the shelves of
at MTSU, Spencer is an adjunct professor in the journalism department but also
their family makes it clear that the years of working together have strengthened
works for The Tennessean. So, while they both work in the same field, they have
their relationship.
different day-to-day jobs.
“We have a respect for each other, a really deep respect ... We’ve seen each other at our best and at our weakest,” she said. “It’s work. You got to make it work.” said Dan. “At least I’m working side by side with my best friend.” Another couple that can be seen, usually walking arm and arm,
“We have a nice middle ground,” Spencer said. That middle ground and balance is something that every couple emphasized as being important when it comes to making your working relationship flow seamlessly with your personal relationship. Kathy Burriss’ advice put it best.
around campus is Larry Burriss and his wife, Kathy Burriss. They’ve been
“Respect each other’s efforts,” she said simply.
married for almost 20 years. Larry teaches several courses in the John Bragg
At the end of the day it’s clear that working with a significant other is
Media and Entertainment Building, and Kathy teaches in the Education college.
a unique situation that can get a little hectic, but it’s something that can work if
Larry describes her as “a teacher that teaches teachers.”
both people are willing to put in the effort.
The pair have been married for 19 years, and have worked together
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02.21.18 /10
As told by Hollywood: Only heterosexual white men and women fall in love By Marissa Gaston / Managing Editor
What’s more romantic than dinner and a movie? The classic date is an especially popular choice come Valentine’s Day. According to Box Office Mojo, an online box-office reporting website owned and operated by IMDb, Americans spent $260,605,285 at the box office last Valentine’s Day. Romantic thriller Fifty Shades Darker grossed a little more than $11 million that day, about three times the amount it made the day before and the two days following, because there’s nothing better to get you in the mood than a classic love story. While it’s practically scientific that a perfectly written, beautifully scored, captivating romance can warm even the coldest of hearts on Valentine’s Day, not every couple looks like Anastasia and Christian, Harry and Sally or Dick and Jane. So why is the standard so heteronormative? Is it that viewers would rather pay to see yet another installment of E.L. James’ mediocre, whitewashed attempt at a physchosexual thriller than be scandalized by the sight of two women kissing (at least, out of the context of a drunken frat party scene starring Dave Franco)? Or are authentic depictions of romantic relationships between LGBT+ characters so rare that viewers have literally no other choice? If you consult Fandango, as 36 million moviegoers do according to their website, you’ll find a list of “26 Romantic Movies To Get You Through Valentine’s Day.” Of those 26, only one centers a homosexual couple. Town & Country’s suggestions fare a little better with three out of 17
go back and you look at different shows where a character identifies as bisexual, they
their own sexuality. “I imagine it’s many gay men’s story,”
almost always have like this medium bob
said Ryan Allen, 21, a senior video and film
haircut, which is kind of funny.”
production major and openly gay screen-
LGBT+ storylines and characters, but that those films could succeed critically. But if you use the aforementioned movies
writer who remembers seeing “Brokeback Mountain” on television for the first time. “I knew something was up with it because, most
as a model, those stories represent only
movies, they don’t just outwardly put it out
eight percent of romance films -- and even
there, so there’s a bit of wariness. I knew to
then, “Moonlight” is still an anomaly. The
close my door and to turn the volume down.
more you factor in intersections of race,
Two cowboys were on the screen, and I was
gender, socioeconomic status and education,
like, ‘Oh my gosh.’”
LGBT+ stories become less and less visible, contradictory to trends in society today.
Allen has worked on various projects that aim to combat such stereotypical tropes
Hollywood has always had a representation problem, as evidenced by numerous controversies. Demographer Gary J. Gates told The
alongside other film students, such as Jessica
movies featuring same-sex couples, although only one of those movies is actually centered around
Daily Beast last year that the likelihood of the
Rigsby, a 21-year-old video and film produc-
the same-sex couple. Cosmopolitan is tied for three… out of 41.
number of LGBT+ Americans reaching 10
tion major.
In case you weren’t counting, that’s seven total LGBT+ movies out of 84 movies. None of which
percent of the population -- a number that was
Rigsby, who identifies as bisexual, is a
center lesbian, outwardly bisexual or trans characters or any identity in between. And only one of
first reported by sexologist Alfred Kinsey after
massive fan of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,”
those on-screen relationships was between two characters of color. Not to mention, “Brokeback
World War II -- is more realistic than ever.
which was a pioneer of LGBT+ representation
Mountain” accounts for two of the seven LGBT+ suggestions, which is a lot like recommending the
However, it’s not because LGBT+ identities
back in 2001, according to Autostraddle. Its
same Korean restaurant over and over again because it’s the only one in town.
are suddenly prevalent, but especially because
depictions of lesbian relationships went further
Hollywood has always had a representation problem, as evidenced by numerous controversies.
of millennials’ openness and willingness to
than any television show ever had, including
Long before 2016’s #OscarsSoWhite, Marlon Brando sent Native American activist Sacheen Lit-
identify themselves as such. He contended,
explicit references to sexual orientation, lesbian
tlefeather to decline his Oscar for Best Actor due to “the treatment of American Indians today by
though, that those numbers will never be truly
sexual encounters and committed romantic
the film industry” in 1973. Three decades before that, Hattie McDaniel, the first African-American
accurate until sexual and gender identity are
relationships between women that spanned
to win an Oscar for her supporting role in “Gone With the Wind,” needed permission to even enter
“a total nonissue.”
multiple seasons.
the whites-only venue and then had to sit at a segregated table at the back of the room. Fast forward to the 2017 Oscars when Barry Jenkins’ “Moonlight,” a drama that chronicles the
Thus, filmmakers have to accept the
“The plot of it was you’ve got this big,
responsibility that representation in media
scary monster that everybody’s trying to fight.
coming-of-age of a homosexual African-American man as he navigates the streets of Miami, liter-
is directly linked to social acceptance and
(So by comparison, a character’s sexuality is)
ally snatched the Best Picture award from the clutches of “La La Land,” a musical romance about
progress. Indeed, a fictional character may
just a normal, everyday thing. There wasn’t
white people who like jazz and the apparent frontrunner. It was a spectacle that indicated progress
be a viewer’s first or only interaction with
like a coming out episode, there wasn’t like
in the film industry and confirmed that not only would viewers show up for diverse
any LGBT+ identity, which is especially
all this crazy stuff that you see now,” she
crucial for anyone who may be questioning
explained. “I think there is some kind of
“They don’t have like the short haircut, but they don’t have the long hair,” Rigsby said. “If you
beauty to it, where you just see the character learn to become more herself … You’re literally watching these people grow, and I kind of grew up with them through watching the show.”
EXPERIENCE THE HISTORIC
Portrayals of LGBT+ characters and relationships in film and other media are easily overshadowed by cheap tropes, such as “gay baiting” in which a gay relationship is hinted or implied but never depicted. Or, the “bisexual haircut.” All jokes aside, LGBT+ storylines are usually hinged on the character’s sexuality and laden with trauma, hypersexualization and tragedy. Characters are depicted grappling with isolation, a choice that dichotomizes the perfect life and being true to themselves or worse. “You have your gay characters who just die all of a sudden. It’s all tragedy at that point,” Allen said. “That’s when you put them through all this hell throughout the movie, and then it comes
IN THE HEART OF NASHVILLE
back that they’ve died because of their sexuality. That’s always a sad one.” As it turns out, representation has been historically less sensational on smaller screens. Rigsby credits television shows, such as “The L Word,” “Queer as Folk” and web series like “Carmilla” for portraying LGBT+ characters as real people with the same priorities, responsibilities and drama as the next person. “The internet had really changed my life,” Allen said about how getting his first computer made the LGBT+ community more accessible. “Started watching ‘Glee,’ and that had some gay representation
APRIL 26 8:00 p.m.
in it, started writing fan fiction, writing my own characters doing their own gay things, just exploring. The internet gave me a one-up on my entire life. It helped me. It found me.” Allen is currently in post-production on a semi-autobiographical short film called “Avery” in
MARCH 9 7:00 p.m.
which a biracial boy grapples with identity, sexual orientation and acceptance as he chooses a Halloween costume. “I saw it symbolically as masking yourself, quite literally. Who you want to be on the inside versus how you want everyone else to perceive you,” said Rigsby, who ???? “I thought that script was really special.” Rigsby has spent a lot of time working on sets in the Nashville area and suggests Telofilms, founded by MTSU alumna Kristen Baker, for authentic LGBT+ content with a purpose. But in her experience, she doesn’t see that same goal as a priority in the Southeast film community, something she herself hopes to change. “Even though we push for gay media to be mainstream, we still have to be able to find that content,” Allen said. “So not only are we worrying about what kind of representation, we’re just
APRIL 29 7:30 p.m.
worrying that people get to see it.”
MAY 10
7:30 p.m.
To remedy that concern, Allen is helping MTSU Assistant Professor Allie Sultan organize this year’s SpringOut Film Festival on April 5, the first day of the 2018 LGBT++ College Conference, which runs through April 7. The festival is comprised of student work that centers LGBT++ stories and characters. As Allen prepares his own film for the festival circuit, he can still recall the moment “Moonlight” won Best Picture and what it felt like to see multiple facets of his own identity represented onstage. “That’s large to me, that you can bring both people of color and the LGBT+ community together in representation of film because it’s just important to tell exact stories,” he said. “If a viewer isn’t willing to watch it then they’re not willing to change, (to) progress with us.” Submissions for the festival close March 9. To submit your film, visit filmfreeway.com/ SpringOut. To learn more about the LGBT++ College Conference, visit www.mtsu.edu/
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02.21.18 /12
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
illennials are the hook-up generation, the demographic cohort that offers “friends with benefits.” But like all stereotypes and generalizations, this simplifies what is a complicated issue -- sex, that is -- for any generation. Indeed, there’s a sizable number of millennials for whom going all the way in a relationship has nothing to do with sliding between the sheets. They identify as asexual, and more and more young adults see themselves this way. A Middle Tennessee State University survey (issued in Spring 2016) of the National College Health Assessment revealed that 8 percent of students identified as asexual. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. It’s often confused with celibacy, but the major difference is celibacy is a choice. It is not uncommon for asexual people to be in a relationship, though. Just because they may not experience sexual desire does not mean they do not have a need for companionship.
Finding asexual identity: ‘It was kind of like this ‘aha’ moment’ Mackenzie Border, a 21-year-old sophomore at Middle Tennessee State University, said she had never heard of asexuality until a Tumblr post a year and a half ago. She recognized her situation and feelings were the same as depicted in the article. “Really, I just thought it was me being picky for a long time, but then I found out about asexuality; it was kind of like this ‘aha’ moment,” Border said. The identifier “asexual” has become an umbrella term with subcategories that fall under it, such as
aromantic (little or no romantic attraction to anyone), demisexuality (a strong connection has to be formed before they experience sexual attraction) and gray-sexuality (sometimes experiences sexual attraction, but not usually and has low sex drive). These categories and others describe the differences among the asexual community.
Julie Decker is a 39-year-old aromantic, asexual woman who lives in Tampa, Florida. She’s the author of “The Invisible Orientation,” a book she was inspired to write so other asexual people, or anyone researching the topic, could have a credible source. “I’ve identified as asexual since I was 15, although the word I used at the time was nonsexual, because there was no asexual community,” Decker said. “I kind of grew up thinking maybe one day I would be interested in other people that way, but it just really never seemed to happen.” After feeling like she was alone, Decker began writing about asexuality online and found other people who were having similar experiences. Decker now has many Internet followers and is recognized as an asexual spokesperson. “It is a little controversial, sometimes, especially in queer or marginalized sexuality communities,” Decker said. But she believes “everybody is becoming more accepting of asexual people than they used to be.”
asexual. Growing up, she often felt different than her female peers. She even wondered if something was wrong with her because of her nonexistent sex drive. “My mom saw firsthand all through middle school and high school that I was very introverted when it came to boys. For the longest time, she thought I was gay, because I had all guy friends but I wasn’t dating any of them,” McCormick said. She later discussed her feelings with a close friend, someone who has spent a lot of time studying sexuality. Her friend suggested she may be asexual. After much research, McCormick discovered this to be her sexual identity. “I’ve had to talk to my current boyfriend about it -we’ve been together over a year -- and I’m like, ‘I just don’t feel like doing it. I have no sexual attraction.’” McCormick and her boyfriend try to accommodate each other’s needs. He respects her decision enough to not pressure her into sexual activity, but she willingly engages in sex to fulfill his needs. “To me, it’s just like, laying in bed snuggling is perfect. But I have no sexual attraction.”
Asexual needs for companionships: ‘I have no sexual attraction’
Asexual relationships
Courtney McCormick is an 18-year-old freshman at Austin Peay State University. She, too, identifies as
David Jay is the founder of the Asexual Visibility and Educa-
An evolution of asexuality
“Really, I just thought it was me being picky for a long time, but then I found out about asexuality; it was kind of like this ‘aha’ moment,”
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tion Network (AVEN). Jay originally created this site to find other people like him. “I was an undergrad, my first year, and I spent all of high school really struggling to come to terms with being asexual,” Jay said. “At that point, there was no community out there. I was completely isolated, and I really just wanted to talk to other people like me and know that I wasn’t alone.” Like Decker, Jay recognizes that more people know about asexuality today than they did when they first identified. That does not mean, however, that everyone is accepting of the asexual community. “Like other people in the queer community, we have a lot of people who are trying to fix us,” Jay said. “And, sometimes they are trying to fix us without our consent and sometimes in ways that could be aggressive.” As for Jay and others identifying as asexual, it is not uncommon to have a nonsexual relationship with another asexual person. “For a while, I was really afraid that I couldn’t form relationships that really mattered,” Jay said. “But, as I grew older, I started realizing I could form a very committed friendship -- where we said we loved each other -- where we kind of talked about the commitments we wanted to make together, and it served a lot of the same role as dating (non-platonic relationship) did for other people.” Then in 2011, Jay fell in love with a woman who is also asexual. “We both felt this really strong attraction.” Jay has been in this asexual relationship for the past six and a half years. Jay went on to say that people today have helped create the dialogue for describing the different levels
The symbol of asexuality of emotional connection within the asexual community: aromantic, biromantic, gray-romantic, demisexual, etc. Border grew up in a small town outside of Gallatin, Tennessee. Asexuality was never explained to her. Border now identifies as asexual, specifically demisexual. She defines demisexuality as not having that “immediate sexual attraction just by looking at people.” Instead, “It’s just over time and really getting to know the person,” Border added. Border has yet to settle into a relationship, but she is open to the idea of one. “A romantic relationship, I would be cool with; a sexual relationship, I don’t know yet.”
Asexuality gaining recognition Shannon Josey has been teaching human sexuality at MTSU for the past 18 years. Josey said that she has had more questions concerning asexuality in the past year than ever before. She isn’t sure if it because these students are confused about how someone cannot be attracted to anyone, or if it is because they are wondering if they themselves may be asexual.
The previous textbook Josey taught with did not cover asexuality, and the current textbook only contributes a paragraph to this classification. “Asexuality is still somewhat of a new topic,” Josey said. She went on to say that by being more vocal on subjects such as asexuality, whether people agree with it or not, they will at least understand it a little better. People who identify as asexual may be afraid to talk about this with others. They may fear the outcome. “I do find that other people want to be able to talk about this with their nearest and dearest -- maybe their partner, maybe their parents, maybe their kids -and we should be able to share that aspect of us with other people in our lives if we want to,” Decker said. It is something that requires consideration, but it is really up to the individual whether or not they choose to share this with anyone else. “You don’t have to tell people about (your sexual identity), but you also have to be careful to stand up for those that would otherwise be unable to stand up for themselves in that situation. And, when you are comfortable with coming out, go ahead and do it,” Border said.
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02.21.18 /16
A Romance Playlist
For every type of lover By Hayden Goodridge / Music Editor
Y
ou don’t need us to tell you that love is a
pretty polarizing concept. While some will
find themselves fortunate enough to express their
Heartsick Lover Tracks: “Screaming Infidelities” – Dashboard Confessional, “The End of the World” – Skeeter Davis, “Everything I Do” – Whiskeytown It’s been a rough enough road out of that relationship, but now you’ve got to
affection with another individual, others may be left
deal with the dejection of seeing them continue their life’s path without you
feeling absolutely crushed at the end of a difficult
in the equation. These are songs to turn on as you tear through that tub of ice
relationship. Then there are those that seem to take
cream you bought as a coping mechanism, because sometimes the best way to deal with heartbreak is to just wallow in it. Whether it’s finding strands of
every opportunity to grumble endlessly about the
your ex’s hair in “Screaming Infidelities,” being reminded of their diamond-like
growing commercialization of love - which they claim
eyes in “Everything I Do” or feeling like it’s “The End of the World” all around,
they don’t really see a point to anyways. But whatever
these somber tunes will provide some much-needed company for your freshly opened wounds of love.
way you choose to define your stance on love at the moment, it seems like there will always be a track or two to correspond with your feelings. Below, we’ve
Cheesy Lover Tracks: “Hooked On A Feeling” – Blue Swede, “Easy” – Commodores, “You Are
listed a number of great songs that serve to illustrate
the Sunshine of My Life” – Stevie Wonder
a wide array of romantic states, from good, to bad, to
It’s no coincidence that these songs all originate from the ‘70s, the height of
just plain indifferent.
cheesiness in popular culture. But despite the bad rap that the era of disco gave the music that came along with it, there’s no doubting that from it also emerged some timeless hits to celebrate your love to. So, get your groove on to one of
Devoted Lover Tracks: “Let’s Stay Together” – Al Green, “At Last” – Etta James, “When You’re
Lionel Richie’s greatest ballads with “Easy” or swing to some soulful Stevie singing “You Are the Sunshine of My Life” at the height of his career.
Smiling And Astride Me” – Father John Misty So, you’ve been given the opportunity to be with a person you love deeper than the ocean, as endlessly as space itself -- you feel like you can craft metaphors all day. Well, maybe a few ardent proclamations from music’s greatest troubadours will inspire you to add some extra poetry to that love letter you’re crafting up in your finest cursive. Etta James is right when she says that “love is like a song,” so take a moment to appreciate the partner you’ve found yourself arm-in-arm with.
Declining Lover Tracks: “Eventually” – Tame Impala, “Overs” – Simon & Garfunkel, “Dreams” – Fleetwood-Mac Let’s face it, all good things have to more or less come to an end. So maybe you and your partner are feeling like you’ve spent a little too much time together and things are starting to lose their edge. Maybe, as Paul Simon sings in
“Overs,” “there’s no laughs left, cause we’ve laughed them all.” But hey, it might
Anti- Lover
give you comfort knowing that Fleetwood-Mac wrote their greatest record
Tracks: “Cheerleader” – St. Vincent, “Whiskey River” – Willie Nelson, “Ode to
when relationships between its members were rapidly fading away, so maybe
Viceroy” – Mac Demarco
you can find it in yourself harness this feeling and make some great art in the
For a number of single folks, the concept of devoting themselves completely
process too.
to another person can be a phenomenon they’d rather ignore, if not actively resist against. With St. Vincent’s track, “Cheerleader,” Annie Clark declares her
Smooth Lover
intention to fight against being viewed as a blind supporter to others, whereas Willie Nelson and Mac Demarco find their truest of loves in the vices of alcohol
Tracks: “Rocket” – Beyoncé, “Untitled (How Does It Feel)” – D’Angelo, “Smooth
and cigarettes instead of wasting it on other people. But hey, to each their own,
Operator” – Sade
right?
When it comes to crafting buttery ballads of untamed intimacy and temptation, leave it to these iconic neo-soul artists to lead the way. Musicians like D’Angelo can exhibit a swagger like none other, while Beyoncé and Sade’s vocals are
Pet Lover
enough to make any young romantic melt. We’re not going to dive too deep into
Tracks: “Plea From A Cat Named Virtue” – The Weakerthans, “Martha My
it, but Beyoncé’s metaphorical verses about rockets and waterfalls in “Rocket”
Dear” – The Beatles
should be enough to get the point across here.
When it comes down to it, there’s no partner that will love you with as much unconditional devotion as a dog, which is the main subject of Paul McCartney’s
Nostalgic Lover
“Martha My Dear.” Cats might be a different story, but The Weakerthans’ “Plea From A Cat Named Virtue” is sung from the perspective of a worrisome house
Tracks: “Martha” – Tom Waits, “Chelsea Hotel #2” – Leonard Cohen, “A Case
cat as it tries to help its owner shake his romantic despair and focus on the
of You” – Joni Mitchell
important things in life. So, no matter how your latest Tinder date happened to
Nostalgia plays an important role in the personal timelines to our relationships,
pan out, it might be comforting to know that a cuddle from one of your furry
as we often choose to remember only the good aspects of past relationships,
friends may be all that it takes to fill your heart.
instead of what made them end in the first place. For these songwriters, past memories of love seem to be creeping around every corner. In fact, Leonard Cohen’s seminal song “Chelsea Hotel #2” was written about a short affair he had with Janis Joplin, which he never seemed to be able to quite let go of.
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A Letter a day: How an MTSU professor honors his late wife By Tayhlor Stephenson / Lifestyle Editor
10/14/12 Hello, my angel: Happy birthday, darling. It is now 4:36 pm (give or take a minute); you were born
piano was played. No more, no less.
that’s how I know that. Exactly 58 years ago, my special someone came in to the
Their honeymoon consisted of visiting relatives and rooting for the home team in St. Louis for a few games. Baseball always served as the background of their marriage.
58 years ago, at just this time. I looked at your birth certificate a little while ago; world, even if I didn’t know it then. Of course, I wasn’t quite three months old at that moment, so I didn’t know much of anything, but who cares?
My reaction to this day has surprised me: there has been none at all. No hysterics, no emotional outpouring, nothing. I’m completely numb. I mean totally empty. I
don’t know what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. I don’t know if it is good or bad. …
A
… This has been a very quiet day. Nothing fancy, nothing elaborate in one way or the other. I’ve been by myself and have spent a lot of time thinking about you -about us. We had something so beautiful and wonderful, didn’t we?
s a kid coming from a broken family, Stephen Robertson packed his bags as soon as he was of age and headed to Nashville, Tennessee. With his French horn clenched in hand, he walked through the doors of his new home: Vanderbilt University. He aspired to become a musician, which led him to the life and woman he would soon fall madly in love with.
Fifty-eight years ago, you started your journey that would bring us together. I am so lucky that you did. Hopefully, you feel the same. I only wish we could have had more time together. I wish I had appreciated what we had more while you were still with me.
The last Friday night in August of 1972, Vanderbilt hosted the band party that would alter his life forever.
No day but today. I see people around me planning what they are going to do next week or next year or tomorrow, any tomorrow. I really don’t do that anymore, not more than I have to. Just get through today. That much I’ve learned: tomorrow never comes. I am still not as good at taking care of today as I should be, but my perspective has definitely changed. I am perfectly content with not seeing tomorrow now, so I will deal with it as it comes.
As he stood alone, a brunette standing across the room caught his eye. “Hi,” Steve said as he approached the clarinet player. Susan was her name. The two spent the remainder of the evening talking, which included some baseball talk. Baseball was Steve’s first love, but Susan knew next to nothing about America’s pastime. Susan went straight home after the party, walked right up to her father and demanded that he share all of his knowledge on baseball. Her father didn’t have much to share, but it was enough for Susan to catch Steve’s attention. The two never officially began dating, but midway through the next semester two had become one. They were married in August of 1975. Eight people filled the living room of Susan’s childhood home in Nashville. Susan’s request of a small, simple wedding was fulfilled. A cake was eaten, and a
… Susan became Steve’s life. “She was it. She was the only girl in the world,” he stated. Steve became a political science professor at Middle Tennessee State University, and she became a teacher for the blind and handicapped. They would each earn their day’s pay but couldn’t wait to return home to each other. Life progressed and the couple welcomed two children into their lives: a son, Jeremy, and a daughter, Courtney. They later semi-adopted Kitty, a teenager they fostered but came to love as one of their own.
Steve and Susan did not only foster children, but they also adopted several animals including dogs, cats and birds. Steve grew to admire Susan’s love for helping others. “She was always willing to give strangers a ride, money or food,” he said. One time Susan went to the vet and brought home a woman with no place to stay, lending her a bed for three weeks. It was a life full of love and admiration. But little did Steve know, things were changing right before his eyes. Susan was developing a mental illness. Steve began noticing signs of irregular activity in Susan, but she continued on with her everyday life. She didn’t want to leave the kids she taught or lose the security of money. After all, she also had her own children to provide for at home. Things spiraled out of control, and Susan eventually became dysfunctional. She became disabled and had to give up her job. “She applied for disability benefits from Social Security and they gave them to her the first time,” Stephen said as he explained the degree of her illness. Susan withdrew completely and suffered personality disintegration. Knives were hidden, shattered windows were replaced and many trips to the hospital were taken.
“
first. So I really do owe everything to you, and everything I ever will be is rooted in your love for me. You have made me possible.
you said to be I love you sweetheart, but I didn’t get a chance to say that.” … After Susan died Stephen wrote a letter to her, and it hangs in the hallway of their house to this day. This would not be the last letter he would dedicate to her, though. Stephen has since filled six three inch binders -- and is working on his seventh -- with over 3,065 pages and more than 1,168,824 words of letters written to his beloved Susan. Every night, he writes. “If I happened to go to bed without writing, I would get up and turn the computer back on and write,” Stephen said. “Some days it’s just a recounting of what happened as if I came home and she was sitting there and we were just talking. Other days, I get real emotional.” Steve maintains a set opening in each letter -- her name and date with a quotation -- and a set closing with very few exceptions, which is “I love you Susan Gail.”
She was it.
She was the only girl in the world.
“I spent several years sleeping next to her as uncomfortably as I could get myself so I would know if she got out of the bed,” Stephen said. For 10 years, he slept with one hand on her at all times so if she moved to get out of bed, he could accompany her, all in concern for her safety.
She found medication that helped her mental state: Zyprexa. Soon after, though, the side effects found her: The medication caused her to gain a lot of weight, which … a strain on her. put I did my best to care for you, even if it wasn’t always good enough or what
you deserved. And I always loved you, as much as I am capable of it. Sometimes I wonder how much I really did love you, since it has been said that one can’t love
someone else if he doesn’t love himself, and I don’t know if I really like myself all
that much, let alone love myself. You know about the inner demon I have, the one you kept at bay. This much I know, however: I loved and love you to the fullest
extent that I am capable of it, and I am only able to do that because of you. Your love made that possible. To the extent that I can love, it is because you loved me
On November 12, 2011, Stephen’s car broke down on the way home from work. He called his daughter to come pick him up. “We got home about 9:15 Saturday night, and I went into our bedroom to check on Susan. She was in bed, slumped over her book,” Stephen explained. He thought she was asleep. Stephen walked into the room for the second time around 12:10. She hadn’t moved. Susan had suffered a massive heart attack. “After 36 years of marriage, 39 years together, you would like that the last thing
…
Most of his letters are about a page long, and once they go in the binder he doesn’t look at them again. His intent is to write until the day comes when he doesn’t have to anymore. “When I reached the six year mark last November, I gave serious thought to stopping, since it seemed a natural stopping point,” Steve said. “However, when I tried, I found that I couldn’t; I still feel the need to compose those little letters each night.” “You don’t realize how important somebody is and how much we had become one person, and so I’m missing a big chunk of me.”
Happy birthday, Susan Gail; I love you far more than I can ever say. I will always
love you, as best as I can. I love you more than life itself, for you have made my life possible. You are everything to me.