Based on the book How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
Book and Lyrics by Timothy Mason Music by Mel Marvin
Additional Music and Lyrics by Albert Hague and Dr. Seuss
BEFORE REHEARSING
COPYRIGHT WARNING (SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE) THIS BOOK IS RENTED
All music, lyrics and dialogue from the Play contained in this book are the property of the Authors and are fully protected by copyright. Your organization’s performance license prohibits making any changes of any kind to the Play, including:
• changes of music, lyrics, dialogue, sequence of songs and/or scenes, time period, setting, characters or characterizations or gender of characters in the Play;
• adding new material (such as scenes or framing devices, characters or songs from any other version of the Play, including films);
• omitting or adding any music, lyrics or dialogue.
Any unauthorized changes shall constitute a willful infringement of the authors’ copyright and may subject your organization to civil liabilities and criminal penalties under the United States Copyright Act and other applicable statutes.
This book is the property of MTI and must be returned at the conclusion of your production. You may not duplicate any portion of these materials, disseminate them in any way, in whole or in part, including electronic or digital transmission and posting on the Internet, or use them for performances other than those specified in your organization’s license agreement.
A PERFORMANCE LICENSE IS REQUIRED
Federal and international copyright law prohibit the public performance of the Play without a performance license. MTI's delivery of this script does not authorize you or your group to perform the Play in any manner whatsoever. For example, it does not matter whether your audience pays for their tickets or not; it does not matter if your group is a school or not.
The law requires your organization to obtain a performance license from MTI prior to performing the Play. To obtain an MTI performance license, visit mtishows.com.
For further information regarding the penalties for copyright infringement, please visit www.copyright.gov. To report any violation of the above terms, contact MTI at licensing@mtishows.com.
Original produced by Running Subway Productions
“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” “Welcome, Christmas” Written by Theodor S. Geisel and Albert Hague Published by EMI Robbins Catalog, Inc.
Dr. Seuss text, characters, and images ™ and © 1957 Dr. Seuss Enterprises, L.P. All Rights Reserved.
Music and Lyrics © 2024 Mel Marvin and Timothy Mason (Last Revised—February 2025 )
CHARACTERS
The Grinch
Old Max
Young Max
Grandpa Who
Grandma Who
Auntie Who
Papa Who
Mama Who
Cindy-Lou Who
Boo Who
Annie Who
Danny Who
Betty-Lou Who
Citizens of Whoville
Children of Whoville
MUSICAL NUMBERS
MUSICAL NUMBERS (CONT’D)
We see a distant village through the mist and gently falling snow—Who-ville, with smoke rising from chimneys and warm, lighted windows. In the foreground, a grizzled old dog enters in silhouette, carrying a battered suitcase and wearing an old topcoat and muffler. He listens as CAROLERS sing in the distance:
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE
OOH…
AAAH…
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE!
WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, COME THIS WAY…
The voices are carried off with the wind.
The old dog turns to us. OLD MAX is tall, slender and somehow elegant. He has graying hair and a little gray beard and thick black-rimmed glasses. With his urbane elegance, long-limbed grace and gently sardonic humor, he actually reminds us of Dr. Seuss.
OLD MAX
(to us)
Did you hear that? That’s one I remember. I remember hearing that one each year in December. Listen!
The carol resumes.
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE!
WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS DAY.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH…
The sound of the CHOIR fades.
OLD MAX
That’s long ago now, I’m not the dog I used to be. But that hole in the mountain was once a home to me. You know who used to live up there, I’m sure you do.
(OLD MAX)
I lived up there with him, I lived up there too. I’m on my way now, I’m leaving for good. But I wanted to see the old place once more if I could. See the old place, the mountain, and the Whos down below. I want to remember it all before I have to go.
#1—Who Likes Christmas?
Now…
PAPA WHO and CINDY-LOU run on.
Whoo!
PAPA WHO & CINDY-LOU
OLD MAX
… every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot.
PAPA WHO
Who likes Christmas?
CINDY-LOU
Whos like Christmas! I like Christmas!
PAPA WHO & CINDY-LOU
Whos like Christmas… a lot!
OLD MAX conjures up his memory of the Who-ville town square, which is bustling with happy WHOS.
FAMILY
WHOS
WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS? WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS! TINSEL TRIMMING AND SNOW UP TO HERE! WHOS LIKE MERRY
MISTLE-BERRY, SLEIGH-BELLS AND HEY-BELLS AND CHEER! WHOOOO!
PAPA WHO WHOS LIKE GIFTIES
NICE AND NIFTIES
MAMA WHO
GRANDPA WHO
STOCKING STUFFERS
GRANDMA WHO AND PUFFERS
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, & GRANDMA WHO AND TREATS
CHILDREN WHOS
WHOS LIKE TASTIES
CHRISTMAS PASTRIES
SUCKERS AND PUCKERS AND SWEETS!
ALL WHOS
GLO-O-O-O-RIOUS!
MALE WHOS
AND THE SINGING TING-A-LINGING WITH THE VOICES ALL RINGING ON KEY!
CHILDREN WHOS TO A TEE!
WOMEN WHOS TO REMEMBER IN DECEMBER ALL WHOS TO REMEMBER THAT FIRST CHRISTMAS TREE OLD MAX magically moves the Christmas tree downstage. WHOO!
OLD MAX (to us)
Do you get the feeling they like Christmas?
ADULT WHOS
WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS? WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS!
CHRISTMAS PRESENT, AND FUTURE AND PAST
WE LIKE CHRISTMAS VERY CHRISTMAS WHOS FROM THE FIRST TO THE LAST!
CHILDREN WHOS
GIVE US PRIZES WHO SURPRISES
GIVE US JIMMIES AND JAMMIES GALORE
GIVE US DOLLIES SUGAR LOLLIES AND THEN IF YOU PLEASE GIVE US MORE!
ADULT WHOS
DECK THE HALLS WITH SUGAR LOLLIES
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!
WOMEN WHOS
AND FOR DINNER
CHRISTMAS DINNER WE’LL HAVE
WOMEN WHOS & CHILDREN WHOS ROAST BEAST
WOMEN WHOS
PREPARED UNDER GLASS
ADULT WHOS
WE LOVE CHRISTMAS VERY CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS PRESENT, AND FUTURE AND PAST!
ALL WHOS
SOMETHING’S COMING
HEAR IT HUMMING
THERE’S A MAGICAL SOUND ON ITS WAY
(ALL WHOS)
RAISE THE SONG NOW WON’T BE LONG NOW WE’RE AWAITING THE SOUND OF A SLEIGH
FAH WHO FOR-AZE
DAH WHO DOR-AZE… WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, COME THIS WAY!
FAH WHO FOR-AZE! DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS DAY.
WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS? WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS PRESENT AND CHRISTMAS TO BE!
WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS! HERE’S THE REASON, ‘TIS THE SEASON TO BE FREEZIN’!
WHO LIKES MISTLETOE AND THE FALLING SNOW, SPIRIT SHOWING, KINDNESS FLOWING, CANDLES GLOWING WHEN WE LIGHT THE TREE?
OLD MAX magically helps CINDY-LOU light the tree. WHO? ME!
Did I mention that the Whos down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot?
(OLD MAX)
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Who-ville, did not.
A cave is lit SR with a menacing greenish light. The Grinch—he lived up there in the ice and the fog, and I lived there with him. I’m Max, his old dog.
#2—This Time of Year
YOUNG MAX emerges from the cave. He capers in the brisk morning light.
Woof.
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
That’s me when I was younger. Of course this was way back when. I wasn’t so gray, I was a young dog back then.
YOUNG MAX chases his tail. OLD MAX tries to chase his, unsuccessfully.
I’D FORGOTTEN HOW I FELT THIS TIME OF YEAR
I’D FORGOTTEN HOW IT SMELT THIS TIME OF YEAR IF ONLY I COULD CAPTURE
JUST A BIT OF ALL THAT RAPTURE
ALL THE THINGS I FELT THIS TIME OF YEAR!
YOUNG MAX
WHEN I BREATHE IT MAKES A FOG THIS TIME OF YEAR THAT’S BECAUSE I’M ONE HOT DOG THIS TIME OF YEAR
OLD MAX
ALL THE MEM’RIES THAT IT’S SPARKING,
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
STOP ME NOW OR I’LL START BARKING!
(YOUNG MAX barks, muffled.)
… THIS TIME OF YEAR!
YOUNG MAX
HUNGRY!
OLD MAX
WAS I EVER NOT?
WALK ME!
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
I WAS HOT TO TROT!
YOUNG MAX SCRATCH ME!
OLD MAX
SUCH A PERFECT PET!
YOUNG MAX
I’M HAPPY! PUPPY! HAPPY!
OLD MAX
HOW COULD I FORGET?
(Dance Break.)
HOW COULD I FORGET?
YOUNG MAX
I CAN DO AMAZING TRICKS— GOOD AT CHASING STICKS!
OLD MAX
IF SOMEONE WOULD THROW ‘EM…
YOUNG MAX
I CAN BEG, AND SIT, AND STAY!
OLD MAX
BUT “STAY’S” THE TRICK I DID ALL DAY… Poor puppy! Poor me!
YOUNG MAX
What was that?
OLD MAX Oops!
YOUNG MAX
I AM ABLE TO ROLL OVER—
OLD MAX
I WAS NOT JUST ANY ROVER! (OLD MAX tries to duplicate YOUNG MAX’s move—unsuccessfully.)
I don’t think so.
WOND’RING…
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
WHAT’S IN STORE FOR ME…
YOUNG MAX
HOPING…
OLD MAX
THERE’D BE MORE FOR ME…
YOUNG MAX
HAPPY!
OLD MAX
I COULD LET IT SHOW!
YOUNG MAX
HAPPY!
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX HAPPY! HAPPY!
OLD MAX
HOW WAS I TO KNOW? (YOUNG MAX howls.)
HOW WAS I TO KNOW?
How was I to know all this would happen? Never mind—I was a dog in a million! NOW I’LL REMEMBER HOW IT WAS THIS TIME OF YEAR I’LL REMEMBER JUST BECAUSE THIS TIME OF YEAR
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
IT’S A MIRACLE TO CAPTURE JUST A BIT OF… ALL THIS RAPTURE
ALL THE THINGS I FEEL
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
WERE THEY EVER REALLY REAL?
YOUNG MAX & OLD MAX
ALL THE THINGS I FEEL THIS TIME OF YEAR!
YOUNG MAX
Wow. It’s beginning to feel a lot like…
OLD MAX
Don’t say it!
… like Christmas!
YOUNG MAX
GRINCH (thundering from within the cave)
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
OLD MAX
It’s a wonder I didn’t just run away.
And the GRINCH lurches out of his cave, his red eyes aflame and his sour mouth stretched down in a frown: a sort of furry Jack Nicholson on a tear.
GRINCH
Maybe my hearing is going, or my head is broke, but it seemed to me, Max, it seemed you just spoke
YOUNG MAX
I only meant, sir, there’s a brisk nip in the air and I’m not feeling so listless. —I only meant, sir, it’s beginning to feel a lot like…
GRINCH
Like what, Max?
#3—I
Hate Christmas Eve
Never mind, sir, it wasn’t important.
YOUNG MAX
GRINCH
I HATE CHRISTMAS! THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON!
YOUNG MAX
Well, sir, I’m sure you must have a good reason…
GRINCH
I hate Christmas Eve! I hate Christmas Day! I hate it in every possible way! I hate Christmas trees…
The GRINCH kicks at a tree outside the cave opening. … and I hate every wreath, and I hate all the Whos down in Who-ville beneath!
He strides downstage and points out into the audience. Like you… and you… and especially you. What are you looking at, Old Lady? You want a piece of me? Come on! Come on! Put ‘em up!
YOUNG MAX
Well, sir, we all have our pet peeves. You say yours is Christmas, but why, if you please?
GRINCH
I HATE CHRISTMAS EVE! THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON! I HATE ALL THE WHOS, DON’T ASK ME THE REASON IT COULD BE THEIR HEARTS ARE SO FULL OF MIRTH IT COULD BE THE PROBLEM GOES BACK TO MY BIRTH
MAYBE PEACE ON EARTH AND GOOD WILL JUST MISSED US. LET ME BE QUITE FRANK, I’M NOT FOND OF CHRISTMAS!
YOUNG MAX
YOU HATE CHRISTMAS EVE! THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON!
GRINCH
DON’T ASK ME WHY!
YOUNG MAX
I WON’T ASK THE REASON! IT COULD BE, PERHAPS, YOUR SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT…
(YOUNG MAX)
IT COULD BE YOUR HEAD’S NOT SCREWED ON JUST RIGHT…
The GRINCH goes after YOUNG MAX. YOUNG MAX dodges him.
OLD MAX
I think the likeliest reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, the Grinch hated Christmas, and hated the Whos.
The Papa Who-house is revealed SL, the ENTIRE FAMILY assembled, making and wrapping presents, etc.
Whoooo…
WHO-FAMILY
CINDY-LOU
Mama?
MAMA WHO Whooo?
CINDY-LOU
I’d like to make the old Grinch a gift.
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, & GRANDMA WHO Whoo…
CINDY-LOU
Don’t you think that would give his spirits a lift?
MAMA WHO
You’ve never even seen the Grinch, Cindy-Lou. Don’t bother with him, we have enough to do.
CINDY-LOU
I’ve already made all the presents I’m giving— Just one gift for his cave? It must be a cold way of living.
You’re a good little Who, Cindy.
And considerate, too.
MAMA WHO
PAPA WHO
MAMA WHO
Why don’t you make something nice for your brother, Boo Who?
BOO WHO Yeah!
GRANDMA WHO Cookies!
WHO-FAMILY KIDS
Whooo!
CINDY-LOU
Papa? Papa, have you met the Grinch? Papa, have you?
PAPA WHO
Just twice.
Well what is he like, Papa?
CINDY-LOU
PAPA WHO
He’s not very nice.
HE HATES CHRISTMAS EVE! THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON!
WHO-CHILDREN
But why?
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, & GRANDPA WHO CHILDREN DON’T ASK WHY, NO ONE KNOWS THE REASON.
GRANDMA WHO IT COULD BE HIS HEAD’S NOT SCREWED ON JUST RIGHT
Whoooo…
BOO WHO
IT COULD BE, PERHAPS, THAT HIS SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT…
GRANDPA WHO NO—
WHO-CHILDREN
GRANDPA WHO
I THINK THE LIKELIEST REASON OF ALL MUST BE THAT HIS HEART IS TWO SIZES TOO SMALL.
MAMA WHO
WHATEVER THE REASON, HIS HEART OR HIS SHOES, HE HATES CHRISTMAS EVE AND HE HATES ALL THE WHOS
ADULT WHOS
Tell them.
During the following, the GRINCH appears menacingly, clinging high on the proscenium.
PAPA WHO
HE STARES DOWN FROM HIS CAVE WITH A MEAN GRINCHY FROWN AT THE WARM LIGHTED WINDOWS DOWN HERE IN OUR TOWN. FOR HE KNOWS EVERY WHO HERE IN WHO-VILLE BENEATH IS BUSY NOW, HANGING A MISTLETOE WREATH. The GRINCH slides down the proscenium and the WHO-FAMILY runs off in fright.
GRINCH
I STARE DOWN FROM MY CAVE WITH MY BEST GRINCHY FROWN AT THE WARM LIGHTED WINDOWS DOWN THERE IN THEIR TOWN. AND I HATE EVERY WHO DOWN IN WHO-VILLE BENEATH WHO’S HANGING A MIS’RABLE MISTLETOE WREATH! AND THEY’RE HANGING THEIR STOCKINGS! THEY’RE FILLED WITH GOOD CHEER! TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS! IT’S PRACTICALLY HERE!
YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE GROWLING, OLD GRINCH, AND YOUR FINGERS ARE DRUMMING!
GRINCH
THERE MUST BE A WAY TO KEEP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING!
YOUNG MAX
KEEP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING?
GRINCH
I MUST FIND A WAY TO KEEP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING!
For tomorrow, I know, all the Who-girls and boys, will wake bright and early, and race for their toys! I can see it all now, just how it will be.
#4—Whatchamawho (Part 1)
Imagine it, Max—try to see what I see.
As the GRINCH continues, the Grinch Cave fills with a nightmarish vision of WHOCHILDREN: what the GRINCH imagines when he imagines Christmas.
‘TIS THE MORNING OF CHRISTMAS THE FORECAST IS SLEET, IN THEY COME TRIPPING ON LITTLE WHO-FEET.
DEAR LITTLE WHO-TOTS THE GIRLS AND THE BOYS, READY TO RIP THROUGH A MOUNTAIN OF TOYS.
ISN’T IT PRECIOUS? OR SO IT WOULD SEEM. WHY DO I HAVE THE DISTINCT URGE TO SCREAM… ? WHO-KIDS scream.
WHO-KIDS & ENSEMBLE WHO-WOMEN (OFFSTAGE)
OHHHH…
I GOT A WHATCHAMA WHATCHAMAWHO! YOU GOT A WHATCHAMA?—ME TOO! LOOK, IT’S A THINGAMA THINGAMA-DING!
(WHO-KIDS & ENSEMBLE WHO-WOMEN [OFFSTAGE])
LET’S ALL PLAY WITH A WHATCHAMA-THING!
The WHO-KIDS of the Grinch’s imagination pour onto the stage, playing with toys.
#4A—Whatchamawho (Part 2)
GRINCH
IT’S ANNOYING, SO ANNOYING, IT’S DESTROYING MY SENSE OF MYSELF AND MY EARDRUMS. DISTRESSING, SO DISTRESSING I’M CONFESSING THE SIGHT OF KIDS MESSING WITH TOYS LEAVES ME COLD. IF I MAY BE SO BOLD. BEHOLD!
The vision grows more nightmarish.
WHO-KIDS & ENSEMBLE WHO-WOMEN (OFFSTAGE) OHHHH…
I GOT A WHATCHAMA WHATCHAMAWHO! YOU GOT A WHATCHAMA?—ME TOO! LOOK, IT’S A THINGAMA, THINGAMA HEY! WE’VE GOT A THINGAMA—LET’S PLAY!
#4B—Whatchamawho (Part 3)
GRINCH
WHY THE NOISIES? WITH THE TOYSIES? GIRLS AND BOYSIES DEVOTING THEMSELVES TO THE MAYHEM AND CHAOS— THEY SHOULD PAY US FOR ENDURING THE NOISE OF THESE HYPER MANIACAL WHO-GIRLS AND BOYS! AND THEIR MIS’RABLE TOYS! THESE TOYS!
(Dance Break)
WHO-KIDS
MINE! MINE!
MINE! MINE!
DA-DA DA DA DA DAH! (Kazoo chorus)
WHO-KIDS & ENSEMBLE WHO-WOMEN (OFFSTAGE)
OHHHH…
#4C—Whatchamawho (Part 4)
BANGING AND BINGING A THINGAMA-DING!
BOUNCING AND BOUNCING A BOUNCEAMA-THING! HERE WE GO WITH THE WHATCHAMA-FLY!
GRINCH
(Shouts)
I WANT TO STOP IT, AND YOU WONDER WHY?!
YOUNG MAX
WHY?
YOUNG MAX, CINDY-LOU, & ANNIE WHY?
YOUNG MAX, CINDY-LOU, ANNIE, PUNKY, & PHYLLIS WHY?
YOUNG MAX, CINDY-LOU, ANNIE, PUNKY, PHYLLIS, DANNY, & SCALLOPS WHY?
YOUNG MAX, CINDY-LOU, ANNIE, PUNKY, PHYLLIS, DANNY, SCALLOPS, BOO, & BETTY-LOU WHY?
WHO-KIDS & ENSEMBLE WHO-WOMEN (OFFSTAGE) WHY?
WHATCHAMA-WHY?
OHHHH…
WE’VE GOT A PRESENT JUST FOR YOU! BUCKETS OF NOISE AND A WHATCHAMAWHO
GRINCH
WHY CAN’T THEY JUST GO AWAY?!
WHO-KIDS & ENSEMBLE WHO-WOMEN (OFFSTAGE)
THAT’S WHAT IT’S LIKE ON CHRISTMAS DAY!
#4D—Whatchamawho (Playoff)
The “nightmare” WHO-CHILDREN vanish.
The GRINCH is in agony.
GRINCH
Oh, the noise. The noise. The noise. Noise. Noise. Noise.
YOUNG MAX
(examining a Little Toy Pop Gun)
Those Who-girls and boys get some interesting toys.
The Pop Gun goes off—BANG!—spraying the GRINCH with a cloud of white confetti. The GRINCH does a massive slow take to YOUNG MAX.
YOUNG MAX drops the toy guiltily into the pit.
(to himself, for his boss’s benefit)
Bad dog! Bad doggie!
GRINCH
(eventually)
And then the Whos, young and old, will sit down to a feast. And they’ll feast! And they’ll feast!
And they’ll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
YOUNG MAX
What’ll they eat?
#4E—Waiter Cross
WHO-WAITERS pass with high-stacked food for the feast.
GRINCH
They’ll feast on Who-pudding and rare Who roast-beast, which is something that I cannot stand in the least. They’ll say please pass the pancakes and please pass the peas. And have some of those things and have some of these.
And THEN they’ll do something I like least of all!
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, will stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
I can hear it right now—it’s carols they’re singing!
We see Who-ville in the distance and its citizens (PUPPET WHOS) singing.
WHOS
WELCOME, WELCOME
FAH WHO RAH-MOOSE
WELCOME, WELCOME
DAH WHO DAH-MOOSE
CHRISTMAS DAY IS IN OUR GRASP AS LONG AS WE HAVE HANDS TO CLASP
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE!
WELCOME, CHRISTMAS COME THIS WAY…
FAH WHO FOR-AZE
DAH WHO DOR-AZE WELCOME, CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS DAY
The image fades, and with it, the carol. We’re back with the GRINCH and YOUNG MAX. YOUNG MAX is overcome, and wiping a tear from his eye.
YOUNG MAX
I can’t help it, I love these Christmas descriptions.
GRINCH
Put a cork in it, Max—they give me conniptions!
#5—Welcome, Christmas
OLD MAX appears.
OLD MAX
And the more the Grinch pondered this Who-Christmas-Sing, the more the Grinch thought…
GRINCH
I must stop this whole thing! Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now! I MUST keep this Christmas from coming… But how?
OLD MAX
Then he got an idea! An awful idea! The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!
And the GRINCH looks right out at us, and his red eyes get wider, and the smile on his face grows suddenly snider.
GRINCH
Stop Christmas completely. Yes, stop it right now. Keep the whole thing from coming. And now I know how.
YOUNG MAX
No, Mister Grinch—whatever it is, don’t do it, I beg!
GRINCH
NO CHRISTMAS FOR THEM! I’ll take the Whos down a peg!
And the GRINCH begins to laugh. It’s not a pretty sound. YOUNG MAX covers his ears.
No, Grinch!
No! No! No! No!
YOUNG MAX
YOUNG MAX & OLD MAX
GRINCH
I HATE CHRISTMAS EVE! THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS SEASON! I HATE THE WHOS AND THERE LIES THE REASON CHRISTMAS, MY DEARS, WON’T BE COMING THIS YEAR! CHRISTMAS IS BANISHED AND WILL NOT APPEAR!
(GRINCH)
I THINK I CAN PROMISE BECAUSE I’M SO CLEVER CHRISTMAS WILL VANISH TOMORROW FOREVER!
The GRINCH grabs YOUNG MAX in evil glee and they disappear down into the audience. The GRINCH roars and runs out of the house, followed by YOUNG MAX.
OLD MAX steps forward.
It was an awful…
The GRINCH reappears, roaring.
ARGH!
The GRINCH disappears again.
OLD MAX
GRINCH
OLD MAX
It was an awful idea. An awfully wonderfully rotten idea. I wanted to warn them, the Whos down beneath, but the Grinch kept me tied on a very short leash.
#6A—Shopping Entrance
Downtown Who-ville: a row of little Who-shaped shops and a couple of outdoor stalls. PAPA WHO and HIS FAMILY appear with other WHO TOWNSPEOPLE and SHOPKEEPERS, everyone excited.
MAMA WHO
Come along, everyone, come along.
Kids—why not take a look at all those pretty windows?
The KIDS dash off giddily. There’s nothing to worry about—we’ve got the list! We just check it off one by one.
GRANDMA WHO
Simple!
GRANDPA WHO
Why don’t we just forget the whole thing this year.
Now, Grandpa—Christmas spirit!
MAMA WHO
PAPA WHO
Absolutely! It’s just that… Christmas shopping sometimes gets a little overwhelming, dear…
MAMA WHO Overwhelming? Never!
#7—It’s the Thought That Counts
TO HANDLE ANY CHALLENGE IN THE PRESS OF LIFE, YOU MANAGE WITH THE LIST YOU HAVE IN HAND. WHEN CHRISTMAS SHOPPING FILLS YOU FULL OF STRESS AND STRIFE, YOU CAN DO IT ‘CAUSE YOU’VE THOUGHT IT THROUGH AND PLANNED.
GRANDPA WHO
I’m not sure I have!
MAMA WHO Grandpa!— (laying down the law) YOU CAN DO IT ‘CAUSE YOU’VE THOUGHT IT THROUGH AND PLANNED.
GRANDPA WHO (unconvinced)
Oh, right.
GRANDMA WHO
I’M ALWAYS TELLING GRANDPA— DON’T WORRY WHAT YOU GET. LET’S NOT RUSH DOWNTOWN, RUN AROUND, PUSH AND PULL AND FRET.
PAPA WHO & GRANDMA WHO LET’S NOT!
MAMA WHO & GRANDPA WHO LET’S NOT!
MAMA WHO, PAPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, & GRANDPA WHO LET’S NOT!
GRANDMA WHO & MAMA WHO
WE JUST RECITE THIS TRUTH AS ALL THE PRESSURE MOUNTS:
GRANDPA WHO & PAPA WHO THE PRESSURE MOUNTS!
PAPA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, MAMA WHO, & GRANDMA WHO IT’S NOT THE GIFTS WE GIVE, IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!
GRANDPA WHO
Then let’s just think about it and forget the shopping!
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, & GRANDMA WHO IT’S NOT THE GIFTS WE GIVE, IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!
LOUDSPEAKER
Attention shoppers! Special in the next hour on Whatchama-Whos!
WHATCHAMA-WHOS!!!
EVERYONE rushes offstage for the Whatchama-Whos. The GRINCH rises up out of a manhole, disguised in trench coat, hat and dark glasses. YOUNG MAX follows him on. The TWO of them disappear as…
AUNTIE WHO (entering)
MY SISTER GETS HER SHOPPING DONE BY MID-JULY. HER MOTTO ISN’T PRETTY: (shouted) SHOP OR DIE!
TRIXIE WHO
YOU MEAN SHE SHOPS WHENEVER SHE GETS A CHANCE?
AUNTIE WHO (shouted, not sung)
I’D KINDA LIKE TO KICK HER IN HER CHRISTMAS PANTS!
TRIXIE WHO
Now, Auntie…
AUNTIE WHO (spoken)
JUST A LITTLE KICK—
TRIXIE WHO, RENO WHO, & AUNTIE WHO TO MAKE HER CHRISTMAS DANCE!
TIMEY WHO, BUZZ WHO, & PALM SPRINGS WHO WE’RE STARVING AND WE’RE COLD AND THERE’S NO PLACE TO SIT. IF I COULD SWING IT, WHAT I WOULDN’T GIVE TO QUIT!
PAPA WHO KEEP AN EYE ON GRANDPA, HE SEEMS UPSET…
GRANDPA WHO IT’S NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, BUT IT’S THE GIFTS YOU GET!
PAPA WHO
Grandpa, that’s not what we’re saying!
GRANDPA WHO I know. That’s what I’M saying! THE IMPORTANT THING IS ALL THE STUFF I GET!
ADULT WHOS Shh!
GRANDPA WHO Can we go home now?
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, & GRANDMA WHO YOU KIDS KEEP CLOSE TOGETHER, DON’T GO ANYWHERE!
PAPA WHO & ADULT MALE ENSEMBLE SHOES FOR HIM…
MAMA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, & ADULT FEMALE ENSEMBLE SOCKS FOR HER…
ALL ADULTS EXCEPT GRANDPA WHO BRAND-NEW UNDERWEAR!
WHO-KIDS
(shouted) NO SOCKS! NO UNDERWEAR! (sung)
THAT’S OUR CHRISTMAS NIGHTMARE!
ALL
RECALL THIS SIMPLE TRUTH AS ALL THE PRESSURE MOUNTS:
THE PRESSURE MOUNTS AND MOUNTS!
IT’S NOT THE GIFTS WE GIVE, IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PRICE TAG, OR EVEN VAST AMOUNTS.
IT’S NOT THE FANCY BRAND NAME— BUT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!
LOUDSPEAKER
Last-minute sale on Thing-a-ma-dings! Thing-a-ma-dings reduced!
ALL Thing-a-ma-dings!
BUZZ WHO
Don’t take the last thing-a-ma-ding!
All the WHOS rush offstage.
The GRINCH re-enters stealthily, followed by YOUNG MAX. THE GRINCH pulls white bunting from a Santa Bear; then steals a bolt of red fabric from a cart.
For a little red jacket!
GRINCH
They exit as the ADULT WHOS re-enter.
ALL
SHOPPERS IN FORMATION, MARCHING TWO BY TWO NO TIME TO HIT A BATHROOM—WE’VE TOO MUCH TO DO!
RENO WHO
I FOUND THE PERFECT PERFUME!
BUZZ WHO
—WHAT’S IT COST PER OUNCE?
WHO-MEN
IT’S NOT HOW MUCH, REMEMBER—IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!
ALL
IT’S NOT ABOUT EXPENSES, WE’RE HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE. WE CUT OURSELVES SOME SLACK ‘CAUSE IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT…
TIMEY WHO Stop! Look! Listen!
All the madness stops suddenly. EVERYONE looks at little CINDY-LOU, who gazes shyly, hopefully, at a little red rocking horse.
MAMA WHO
Do you see something you might like for Christmas, Cindy-Lou?
CINDY-LOU
Santy Claus already knows what I want for Christmas, Mama.
GRANDPA WHO
Awww, it’s that little red rocking horse, I reckon. Costs a fortune!
PAPA WHO (wincing)
We’ll manage somehow…
MAMA WHO
RECALL THIS SIMPLE TRUTH AS ALL THE PRESSURE MOUNTS:
WHO-MEN
THE PRESSURE MOUNTS, THE PRESSURE MOUNTS,
WHO-WOMEN THE PRESSURE MOUNTS!
AUNTIE WHO & TIMEY WHO
IT’S NOT THE THINGS YOU BUY…
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, BUZZ WHO, & RENO WHO THE SWEATER OR THE TIE…
GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, PALM SPRINGS WHO, & TRIXIE WHO WHEN PRICES GO SKY-HIGH
AND YOU’RE TWENTY SHEKELS SHY…
IT’S THE THOUGHT…
IT’S THE THOUGHT…
IT’S THE THOUGHT…
That’s what I said!
ALL WHOS
NOT WHAT YOU’VE BOUGHT
AS WE’VE BEEN TAUGHT
GRANDPA WHO
ALL … THAT COUNTS! (collapsing)
WHAT FUN! WE’RE DONE!
The GRINCH comes out of a shop, his trench coat bulging, carrying a sewing machine.
GRINCH
Hurry up, Max, or I’ll have your hide!
A gasp from the WHOS—the GRINCH realizes he’s been overheard.
I mean…
(to YOUNG MAX)
Good little fella—I’m on your side!
(GRINCH)
PAPA WHO
How do you do, sir—are you from around here?
GRINCH
Why, I… No, sir, I guess that much is perfectly clear.
MAMA WHO
So where are you from, sir? And how long will you stay?
GRINCH
Ahhh…
(thick Texas accent)
Ahhm from Whooston, ma’am, and I’m here for a day.
MAMA WHO
Oh, joy—a tourist in Who-ville! We get so few!
GRANDMA WHO
We wish you a big Who-ville how-do-you-do!
GRINCH
Oh, I feel ill!
Well, you do look a little green…
MAMA WHO
PAPA WHO
We’re happy to have you, sir—you and your friend!
GRINCH
My what? Ah, the dog—
Yip!
YOUNG MAX
GRINCH
—I mean, mah doggie, right. But now our visit must end. (to YOUNG MAX)
Git along, little doggie!
PAPA WHO
So soon? Tomorrow, you know, we’ll have our Who-sing, and our Christmas feast, if you like that sort of thing.
GRINCH
You know? That doesn’t sound halfway horrible. I just might come back for that sing-thing and warrible.
Oh, look! Little Who-kidlets, all over the place! I hope Santy brings you gifts till you’re blue in the face!
GRANDPA WHO
Say hello to the nice man, kids!
No! Don’t! Really!
GRINCH
Say, listen. Chatting with y’all has been so much fun, but now I’ve got some holiday errands to run.
MAMA WHO
And don’t you forget tomorrow’s feast!
We’ll be serving traditional Who-ville roast-beast!
The GRINCH covers his ears in agony.
AAARRGH—YUCKIE!
GRINCH
PAPA WHO
Excuse me?
The GRINCH manages a grimacy smile.
GRINCH
I said… Aren’t we all lucky! How did that little song go again?
The GRINCH gestures for a bell tone.
#7A—After “Thought That Counts”
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE ONE THANG, OR EVEN THANGS THAT BOUNCE!
IT’S NOT THE FANCY-PANCY STUFF— IT’S WHAT YOU BOUGHT THAT COUNTS! OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT…
See you later, Who-ville!
#8—This Time of Year (Reprise 1)
The WHOS move off, waving goodbye.
MAMA WHO (to each other) What a nice fella!
PAPA WHO
I hope he comes to the Who-sing!
I love the way he sings!
MAMA WHO
PAPA WHO
And what a range!
OLD MAX steps forward.
OLD MAX
So the Grinch hurried on and the Whos went their way, the Whos never suspecting their danger that day. He switched his fake smile right back to a frown, and he stole those old antlers on his way out of town.
The GRINCH grabs an antler mounted on a wall and scoots, followed by MAX. What could he be planning? Why the sewing machine?
(OLD MAX)
Whatever it was, it was sure to be mean!
All the way up Mount Crumpit he laughed in his throat. And back in his cave he made a hat and a coat.
And he called me, his dog Max, and with a length of red thread, he tied those old antlers on top of my head!
The Grinch Cave: YOUNG MAX, wearing a set of antlers on his head, regards himself in a mirror.
NO CHOICE…
ALWAYS MUST OBEY. NO VOICE… IT’S THE DOGGY’S WAY.
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
PLEASE, SIR…
YOUNG MAX
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT PLANNED?
PLEASE, SIR, I DON’T UNDERSTAND… I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Now ask yourself honestly, I’m begging you, please!
Who’ll take me for a Santy Claus reindeer in these?
The GRINCH enters carrying a red coat and cap, and stands before a floor-length mirror.
GRINCH
Max, don’t be a dimwit.
#9—One of a Kind
(This number should evolve into a full-out, straight-out-to-the-audience performance, as if the Grinch thinks he’s singing “New York, New York” in Las Vegas.)
It’s a great Grinchy trick!
Why, with this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!
If anyone stops us, says where are you going?
I’ll say “I’m Saint Nicklas, and I’m ho-ho-ho-ing!”
YOUNG MAX
Who’s going to believe you, you’re not Santy Claus!
(YOUNG MAX)
You hate Christmas and Who-ville and children and dogs!
GRINCH
Yes, yes I do, I’m a Grinch—that’s what Grinches are for.
YOUNG MAX
You said “Grinches,” Mr. Grinch, does that mean there’s more?
GRINCH
No…
I’M ONE OF A KIND, THERE’S NO ONE LIKE ME. ONE OF A KIND. DOES THAT MAKE ME LONELY, BEING ONE OF A KIND? NO, THAT MAKES ME FREE.
NO KINFOLK, NO CLOSENESS NO FAMILY, NO FRIENDS NO LETTERS TO OPEN NO LETTERS TO SEND
I’M ONE OF A KIND. AND THAT’S HARD TO FIND. I DON’T MIND. Does this make me look fat?
WHEN YOU THINK OF THE FUSS YOU GET WITH AN “US” YOU KNOW IT’S MUCH BETTER WITH NO ONE TO TRUST. TRUST?
WHAT A BUST.
I’M WHERE IT ALL STARTS, AND WHERE IT ALL ENDS. NO ASKING FORGIVENESS, NO MAKING AMENDS. FRIENDS?
DON’T NEED ‘EM.
(GRINCH)
WHEN THEY FINISHED WITH ME THEY THREW OUT THE MOLD. I’M THE ONE AND ONLIEST GRINCH YOU’LL EVER BEHOLD. I’M COLD. SO COLD.
NO DATES TO REMEMBER APPOINTMENTS TO KEEP NO PHONE CALLS TO WAKE ME WHEN I WANT TO SLEEP
I’M ONE OF A KIND, THERE’S NO ONE LIKE ME. ONE OF A KIND. DOES THAT MAKE ME LONELY, BEING ONE OF A KIND?
Don’t make me laugh! NOT ME! NO PALS TO BETRAY ME WHEN I’M IN A PINCH I’M ALL ON MY ONLY BECAUSE I’M THE GRINCH! Big Finish!
I’M ONE OF A KIND. DO YOU MIND?! ONE OF A KIND. DO YOU THINK I’M BLIND? I LOVE BEING ONE OF A KIND! Get used to it! Blackout.
#9A—One of a Kind (Tag)
The lights come up and the GRINCH takes a curtain call. Thank you! Bravo! Oh, thank you!
OLD MAX guides the GRINCH offstage through the curtain.
OLD MAX
I hated to watch the Grinch swagger and strut…
The GRINCH re-enters through the curtain.
GRINCH
Thank you! Thank you, in the cheap seats! My people! I’ll be in Who-ville for the rest of the week.
OLD MAX guides the GRINCH off again, through the curtain.
OLD MAX
I hated to watch the Grinch swagger and strut, but what could I do? I was just a young mutt.
To be tied up like that—to be tied up and hitched— it was every dog’s nightmare—and those antlers itched!
#10—Down the Mountain
Well, the Grinch loaded some bags and some old empty sacks on a ramshackle sleigh for his “reindeer” named Max.
And the Grinch said, “Giddyap!”
And the sleigh hurtled down toward the homes where the Whos lay a-snooze in their town!
We see a vision of the GRINCH in a sleigh, high on the moutain slopes, cracking his whip above YOUNG MAX, running desperately, reined to the hurtling sleigh. From the orchestra, a majestic Ride of the Valkyries.
GRINCH
Giddy-up! Giddy-up! Look out below—Santy Claus is comin’ to town! Blackout.
OLD MAX approaches us.
OLD MAX
It wasn’t quite Christmas, but the night before, when the Grinch cackled down from his cave with a roar. My back was blistered and my legs were aching, and under my fur my young heart was breaking.
(OLD MAX)
The village was quiet and the lights were turned low, and the streets were all empty as they filled up with snow. All the children of Who-ville were dreaming of toys, while the grown-ups tried hard not to make any noise.
On the left we see MAMA WHO tucking the WHO-KIDS under the covers of a big bed. PAPA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, and GRANDMA WHO are moving about on tiptoe, carrying presents and making final preparations before bed, hushing each other and now and then checking on the children.
GRANDPA WHO (a cappella)
FAH WHO FOR-AZE…
OLD MAX, PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, & GRANDMA WHO
Shhh!
Grandpa, hide the kids’ presents.
Hide the figs and pheasants?
Shhh!
PAPA WHO
GRANDPA WHO
PAPA WHO
GRANDMA WHO
The kids’ presents.
GRANDPA WHO
I thought that’s what you said.
#11—Now’s the Time
PAPA WHO
Do you feel it? The snow is just billowing down.
GRANDMA WHO
Do you hear it? The silence all over the town?
PAPA WHO
NOW THE CLOCKS ARE ALL WOUND UP TICKING OFF THE HOURS.
NOW THE GIFTS ARE ALL BOUND UP TRIMMED WITH BOWS AND FLOWERS.
MAMA WHO
NOW THE PIE’S SET OUT TO AIR TOPPED WITH NUTS AND CHERRIES.
GRANDMA WHO
NOW THE PUDDING’S ALL PREPARED— FILLED WITH PLUMS AND BERRIES!
GRANDPA WHO (as he tastes the pudding) Mmmmmmm!
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, & GRANDPA WHO NOW’S THE TIME WE ALL EMBRACE NOW’S THE TIME—HERE’S THE PLACE ONE BY ONE THE HOURS CHIME HERE’S THE PLACE—NOW’S THE TIME
PAPA WHO ALL THE GIFTS WILL COME OF COURSE
GRANDPA WHO ON A NIGHTTIME SLEIGH-RIDE
PAPA WHO EVEN CINDY’S ROCKING HORSE
GRANDPA WHO FOR A CHRISTMAS HAYRIDE
MAMA WHO & GRANDMA WHO NOW THE STREETS FILL UP WITH SNOW FALLING SOFT AND STEADY
GRANDMA
WHO
NOW THE FIRE’S BURNING LOW
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, & GRANDPA WHO EVERYTHING IS READY.
WHO-CHILDREN
(sleeping in bed) Whooooo!
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, & GRANDPA WHO NOW THE DRIFTS ARE DRIFTING DEEP ALL THE EXPECTATION ALL THE CHILDREN SOUND ASLEEP WE’RE A TIRED NATION
NOW’S THE TIME WE ALL EMBRACE NOW’S THE TIME—HERE’S THE PLACE ONE BY ONE THE HOURS CHIME HERE’S THE PLACE—NOW’S THE TIME GRANDMA WHO and GRANDPA WHO exit together.
MAMA WHO
NOW AND THEN REMEMBERING ALL OUR PAST DECEMBERING ALL WE DO WE’VE DONE BEFORE… IS THAT SANTA AT THE DOOR?
MAMA WHO and PAPA WHO switch off the light and tiptoe out.
All is silent, but for a bell tolling the hour.
Then, from the orchestra, we hear an ominous theme: the universal marplot of Eden approaches. Suddenly, we hear a scrambling, scraping noise from above, and then furtive VOICES: “Ouch! This way, hurry! I’m slipping! Max, let go of my leg!”
YOUNG MAX
(from above)
Please go slowly, sir, it’s a rather tight pinch.
#12—Down the Chimney
GRINCH
Listen! If Santa can do it, then so can the Grinch!
YOUNG MAX crashes down into the fireplace.
YOUNG MAX
(seeing the CHILDREN)
Look! Puppies!
GRINCH
What the… somewhat uncomfortable… why so narrow?
The GRINCH sprawls into the living room. Ho, ho, ho! What a treat—to drop in for a nice Christmas visit! That’s not something to be ashamed of—now is it?
Oh, look! Little Who-stockings hung all in a row. These dear little socks… will be the first things to go!
YOUNG MAX
I don’t like this, Mister Grinch…
GRINCH
“I don’t like this, Mister Grinch”—No “ifs,” “ands” or “maybes” —what we’re doing here, Max… (taking a candy cane from a sleeping WHO-CHILD) … is taking candy from babies! Stuff it!
#13—You’re a Mean One, Mister Grinch
As the GRINCH makes a survey of the house, OLD MAX enters.
OLD MAX
The Grinch slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, as he plotted his plot to take every present!
YOU’RE A MEAN ONE, MR. GRINCH… The GRINCH nearly swoons with pleasure. YOU REALLY ARE A HEEL.
YOU’RE AS CUDDLY AS A CACTUS, YOU’RE AS CHARMING AS AN EEL,
… MR. GRINCH.
(OLD MAX)
YOU’RE A BAD BANANA WITH A GREASY BLACK PEEL!
(to a child in the audience)
GRINCH
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I scare you? ARGH! I love it when the little ones cry.
Through the following we see the GRINCH stealing food, presents, and Christmas stockings from the sleeping Who-house.
OLD MAX
YOU’RE A MONSTER…
Who, me?
Your point?
What heart?
GRINCH
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
… MR. GRINCH…
GRINCH
OLD MAX
YOUR HEART’S AN EMPTY HOLE.
GRINCH
OLD MAX
YOUR BRAIN IS FULL OF SPIDERS, YOU’VE GOT GARLIC IN YOUR SOUL,
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
… MR. GRINCH.
GRINCH
Yummy.
OLD MAX
I WOULDN’T TOUCH YOU WITH A THIRTY-NINE-AND-A-HALF-FOOT POLE!
The GRINCH opens the icebox.
YOUNG MAX
MR. GRINCH, YOU WOULDN’T DO THAT! NOT THE WHOS’ FEAST!
GRINCH
I’LL TAKE THE WHO-PUDDING, I’LL TAKE THE ROAST-BEAST! I’LL CLEAN OUT THIS ICEBOX AS QUICK AS A FLASH!
YOUNG MAX
HAVE YOU NO SHAME!
THAT’S THEIR LAST CAN OF WHO-HASH!
GRINCH
AND WHEN EVERYTHING’S STOLEN, FROM A TO THE ZEE, I’LL END WITH A FLOURISH AND STUFF UP THE TREE!
OLD MAX
YOU’RE A VILE ONE,
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
MR. GRINCH…
I pitch. You catch.
Strike!
GRINCH
OLD MAX
YOU HAVE TERMITES IN YOUR SMILE… GRINCH
OLD MAX
YOU HAVE ALL THE TENDER SWEETNESS OF A SEASICK CROCODILE…
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
… MR. GRINCH!
The GRINCH picks up the little red rocking horse.
Oh, I hope I don’t drop it.
GRINCH
OLD MAX
GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU I’D TAKE THE…
The GRINCH drops the rocking horse into the orchestra pit: CRASH!
Oops!
GRINCH
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
… SEASICK CROCODILE!
GRINCH
(spotting milk and cookies left for Santa on the mantle) Cookies!
I’M A ROTTER—I’M THE GRINCH.
I’M THE KING OF SINFUL SOTS!
The GRINCH gargles the milk and then belches loudly.
OLD MAX
YOUR HEART’S A DEAD TOMATO…
GRINCH
SPLOTCHED WITH MOLDY PURPLE SPOTS—
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE THE GRINCH
GRINCH
I’M THE GRINCH
OLD MAX
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in…
OLD MAX, YOUNG MAX, & GRINCH
… TANGLED UP KNOTS!
OLD MAX
YOU NAUSEATE ME…
I nauseate ‘em!
… MR. GRINCH
I’m the Grinch!
GRINCH
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
GRINCH
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX WITH A NAUSEOUS SUPER-NAUS.
A nauseous super-naus!
GRINCH
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE A CROOKED JERKY JOCKEY
OLD MAX AND YOU RIDE A CROOKED HOSS,
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
MR. GRINCH! GRINCH
I’M THE GRINCH
OLD MAX
You’re a triple-decker toadstool and sauerkraut sandwich…
OLD MAX, YOUNG MAX, & GRINCH WITH ARSENIC SAUCE!
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE A MEAN ONE
GRINCH
I’M A MEAN ONE!
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE THE MEANEST MEANIE MEAN ONE
GRINCH
AIN’T YOU GLAD YOU’VE FINALLY SEEN ONE?
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
MR. GRINCHITY GRINCH!
GRINCH (shouted)
STUFF UP THE TREE!
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX (shouted) SEE?
#13A—You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Playoff)
The GRINCH is shoving the Christmas tree up the fireplace flue when he sees CINDYLOU, standing in the room, delighted at first, and then aghast.
CINDY-LOU
I can hardly believe it—Santy Claus! But why, why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?
GRINCH
Ummm…
CINDY-LOU
And why are you holding that fireplace log?
GRINCH
Ahhh…
CINDY-LOU
And why does your reindeer resemble a dog?
(to YOUNG MAX)
GRINCH
Run along now, Prancer, do as you’re told.
(to CINDY-LOU)
He used to look fine, but he’s getting old.
YOUNG MAX slinks off into the kitchen. Well, my sweet little tot, there’s nothing to hide. There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.
So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear. I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.
CINDY-LOU
All right. But be sure to return it by Christmas morning!
GRINCH
Of course. But who in the name of Who-ville are you?
CINDY-LOU
I’m Cindy-Lou Who, how do you do?
GRINCH
Well why are you up when everyone’s sleeping? Are you a Who-spy? Is that why you’re creeping?
She doesn’t answer, but shivers a little and hangs her head. Come on now, tell me—the minutes are flying— I’ve got work to do kid—oh!—she’s actually crying. Please, little Who, it can’t be as bad as all that— This is Santy Claus talking, you can tell by my hat.
CINDY-LOU continues to sniff.
Oh Max?—Prancer! Come here on the double!
This little Who-thing is in some sort of trouble.
CINDY-LOU throws her arms around the GRINCH’s middle. He tries to extract himself—without success.
#14—Santa For a Day
Oh this is really most terribly trying.
(GRINCH)
I’ve never before heard a Who-kiddie crying. Suddenly something inside of me doesn’t quite fit— Oh, what can I say to convince her to quit!
CINDY-LOU
I had such a bad dream, and it gave me a fright— Do you think you could stay here, just through the night?
GRINCH
But I’m Santa Claus, darling, and it’s Christmas Eve! The things I must do—well, you wouldn’t believe.
CINDY-LOU
I understand. And when your long journey ends, you’ll be going back home, to your family and friends.
GRINCH
My what?
Your family. Your friends.
It depends.
CINDY-LOU
GRINCH
I suppose when I’m through with my work I’ll go home. Y’see? Santa Claus always spends Christmas alone.
CINDY-LOU
YOU’RE ALL ALONE?
GRINCH
I don’t groan.
CINDY-LOU ALL THE TIME?
GRINCH
It’s not a crime.
CINDY-LOU
THERE’S NO ONE THERE?
GRINCH
I DON’T CARE.
CINDY-LOU
But that’s terrible, Santy—that’s foolish, that’s wrong! No matter where you may be—you’ll always belong.
GRINCH
Belong?
Throughout the song, the lights on the Christmas tree slowly light and brighten until they’re blazing at the song’s end.
CINDY-LOU
SOMETIMES WHEN YOU’RE ALL ALONE GRINCH
(dismay)
Oh, it’s a ballad!
CINDY-LOU
CHRISTMAS AND THERE’S NO ONE HOME SEEMS LIKE NOTHING’S IN YOUR STOCKING NO ONE KNOCKING
PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY YOU’RE MY SANTA ANYWAY
I’LL BE IN YOUR CHRISTMAS STOCKING I’M THE ONE WHO’S KNOCKING CHRISTMAS DAY
COLORED LIGHTS
STARRY NIGHTS
SNOWFLAKES GLISTENING
I’LL BE LISTENING
I’LL BE TRUE
TRIM THE TREE LOOK AT ME
(CINDY-LOU)
CELEBRATING BUT I’M WAITING FOR YOU
PROMISE YOU’LL REMEMBER ME DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU’LL BE ‘SPECIALLY WHEN THE SNOW IS FALLING I’LL BE CALLING
EVEN WHEN WE’RE FAR APART YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING TO MY HEART— SO THIS IS HOW YOU’LL ALWAYS STAY MY SANTA FOR A DAY
THIS WILL BE OUR SONG YOU AND I BELONG HEART TO HEART TOGETHER CHRISTMAS DAY
Santy? What’s wrong? Tell me—what’s the matter with you?
GRINCH
Oh, nothing. You’re a darling young Who. And look—look at this. What a strange thing to see. I seemed to have fixed all the lights on this tree.
CINDY-LOU
Whoo! I’m better, too, Santy—no more fears, no more fright. I’ll be thinking of you, Santy Claus, all through the night.
GRINCH
You never did tell me, my Cindy-Lou Who— What was that nightmare that scarified you?
CINDY-LOU
I’d rather not say—I don’t think that I should. Why talk about bad things when you’ve made them all good?
GRINCH
It’s better to get all that scary stuff out.
(GRINCH)
Then you can say, what was that all about!
CINDY-LOU
Well…
I dreamt there was someone with eyes like a frog’s…
GRINCH
Yes…
CINDY-LOU
He hated Christmas and Who-ville and children and dogs… YOUNG MAX barks from the kitchen.
YOUNG MAX
Ruff!
The GRINCH shushes him under his breath.
Shhhh!
Grrr!
Grrr!
GRINCH
YOUNG MAX
GRINCH
CINDY-LOU
He was mean and unfriendly and terribly scary… … and his arms and his face were horribly hairy.
GRINCH (withdrawing his arms)
I see.
CINDY-LOU
And I dreamed he was slinking along, inch by inch— and then who did I see but that nasty old Grinch!
The lights on the Christmas tree suddenly blink out.
GRINCH I see.
CINDY-LOU Santy?
GRINCH
Run along now, little Who-daughter. Go on.
He tries to scare her off with frightening roars… Arrgh!
CINDY-LOU giggles. ARGH—RAH—ARGH!
Aw, Santy!
CINDY-LOU
GRINCH
Go on, and I’ll get you a cup of cold water.
CINDY-LOU Whoo!
CINDY-LOU sleepily blows the GRINCH a kiss and skips off to bed. The GRINCH wipes off the kiss.
YOUNG MAX comes into the room, sniffling.
GRINCH
Come here, Max. Stop blubbering. I’M WARNING YOU—HEEL! We’ve still got the rest of their Christmas to steal!
OLD MAX reappears.
OLD MAX
And when Cindy-Lou went to bed with her cup, he went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
(OLD MAX)
The set shifts from the Papa Who-house to reveal other Who-houses. He tore through the town while I trotted behind, and he snatched and he grabbed every gift he could find. He ransacked their homes and emptied their fridges. He wrote Grinchy words on the sidewalks and bridges.
Lights rise on a bare, stripped room and a naked fireplace with a single log in it. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire, and the last thing he’d take was the log for their fire!
The GRINCH’s red-clad arms reach down into the hearth, grab the log, and vanish. And the one speck of food that he left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
A MOUSE puppet enters, checks out the crumb left by the fireplace, does a take to us, muttering to us in mousetalk—“Oh, no!” The MOUSE retreats. And he did the same thing to all the Whos’ houses, leaving crumbs much too small for the other Whos’ mouses! He’d climb up their rooftops and then, very nimbly, he’d jiggle and wiggle his way down the chimbley!
We see the GRINCH’S LEGS disappearing down a chimney.
You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch!
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
Oh, what a good idea!
#15A—You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (Reprise) (to us)
You all know the tune, sing along with us!
YOU’RE A MEAN ONE, MR. GRINCH…
You really are a heel.
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
YOU REALLY ARE A HEEL.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus.
YOUNG MAX
OLD MAX
YOU’RE AS CUDDLY AS A CACTUS,
OLD MAX & YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE AS CHARMING AS AN EEL, … MR. GRINCH.
OLD MAX
YOU’RE A BAD BANANA WITH A… GREASY BLACK PEEL!
Come on, it’s a whootenanny!
OLD MAX & ENSEMBLE
YOU’RE A MEAN ONE, MR. GRINCH. YOU’RE A NASTY, WASTY SKUNK. YOUR HEART IS FULL OF UNWASHED SOCKS YOUR SOUL IS FULL OF GUNK MR. GRINCH!
OLD MAX
The three words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote…
The GRINCH opens a Who-ville window.
GRINCH
Say goodbye to Christmas, kids!
The GRINCH throws a present out the window to YOUNG MAX.
OLD MAX & ENSEMBLE … “STINK. STANK. STUNK!”
The GRINCH and YOUNG MAX move off with their sleigh.
OLD MAX
It was a quarter past dawn… All the Whos, still abed, all the Whos, still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled.
(OLD MAX)
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! The Whos finally woke to a terrible sight: All of their things had been snatched in the night!
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, and CINDY-LOU in their desolate living room.
PAPA WHO
There aren’t any presents. There aren’t any toys. I slept rather soundly—did you hear a noise?
MAMA WHO
There isn’t a morsel of food in the house. There isn’t a crumb that would interest a mouse!
PAPA WHO
I can’t for the life of me think who would do it!
MAMA WHO
The house looks just like a tornado swept through it!
CINDY-LOU
Could it be? Yes, it could. I know now who it was.
MAMA WHO
But Cindy-Lou—who?
CINDY-LOU
It was… a sort of Santy Claus.
MAMA WHO & PAPA WHO What?
CINDY-LOU
He must be so lonely. No family, no friends, no presents to open, no presents to send…
PAPA WHO & MAMA WHO Whoooo?
The WHOS disappear. We hear a terrible cackling GRINCH laugh, and the crack of his whip.
OLD MAX
The Grinch all this time was cracking his whip, and driving his sleigh to the high mountain-tip.
Onward, beyondward, he roared through the night, up higher than high to a frightening height!
Three thousand feet high! To the crest of Mount Crumpit, he rode with his load to the tip-top to dump it!
Lights rise on the top of Mount Crumpit. The light of dawn is just touching the top of the snowy mountain. The sled, with its massive load, teeters and creaks on the brink of the precipice, while the GRINCH gloats and YOUNG MAX mopes.
GRINCH
Pooh-pooh to the Whos! That’s the tune I’ll be humming. They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming! They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two.
Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!
YOUNG MAX
(crying for real)
BOO—H—H—H—HOO!
#16—Who Likes Christmas? (Reprise)
GRINCH
Shut up, Max, shut up—put a paw to your ear.
There’s a noise coming, Max, that I simply must hear! The Whos will cry buckets! That’s just what they’ll do!
Get set, Max, get set for a Who-ville BOO-HOO!
A vision of Who-ville, with Whos (WHO-PUPPETS) singing.
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE
WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS?
WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS!
CHRISTMAS PRESENT, AND FUTURE AND PAST
(PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE)
WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS
CHERISH CHRISTMAS
FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO THE LAST
GRINCH
But this sound isn’t sad! Why, this sound sounds merry! It just can’t be so! But it IS merry! VERY!
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS? WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS! THIS MUST SURELY BE PERFECTLY CLEAR
WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS
LIVE FOR CHRISTMAS
MOST PRECIOUS TIME OF THE YEAR
GRINCH
Do you see what I see? I’m popping my eyes! In fifty-three years I’ve not had such a surprise! Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, is singing! Without any presents at all!
YOUNG MAX
Oh, joy.
IT CAME!
GRINCH
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
YOUNG MAX
It came without packages, boxes, or bags! Puzzle on that, Mister Grinch! Then puzzle some more! I hope that you puzzle till your puzzler is sore!
PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE
WHOS LOVE CHRISTMAS
CHERISH CHRISTMAS
(PAPA WHO, MAMA WHO, GRANDPA WHO, GRANDMA WHO, CINDY-LOU, ADULTS, & CHILDREN OF WHO-VILLE)
CHERISH FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO THE LAST…
GRINCH
I didn’t stop Christmas!
#17—One of a Kind (Reprise)
It came anyway! It came without presents—It’s still Christmas Day!
YOUNG MAX
Yes, sir. It’s still Christmas Day.
GRINCH
Maybe Christmas—maybe, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps…
YOUNG MAX
Means a little bit more?
GRINCH
What is it, this Christmas? And what is a Who? How can they be happy? How can it be true?
YOUNG MAX
Don’t ask me, how should I know? I’m just an old stray. You found me and bound me and tied me to a sleigh.
GRINCH
I’m cold.
No…
YOUNG MAX
YOU’RE ONE OF A KIND THERE’S NO ONE LIKE YOU
GRINCH
That’s right.
One of a kind!
ONE OF A KIND
YOUNG MAX
GRINCH
YOUNG MAX
AND THAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL BEING ONE OF A KIND
Of course it does!
GRINCH
YOUNG MAX
YES THAT MAKES YOU FREE! YOU’RE FREE TO BE LONELY YOU’RE FREE TO BE MEAN
GRINCH
THE MOST ONE AND ONLY THE WORLD’S EVER SEEN!
YOUNG MAX
Well you can keep it, Mister Grinch! You can keep it forever!
OLD MAX enters with his suitcase, sets it down and conjures CINDY-LOU with a sprinkle of snowflakes. She sits on the suitcase and sings.
CINDY-LOU PROMISE YOU’LL REMEMBER ME
GRINCH
What’s that?
CINDY-LOU
DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU’LL BE ‘SPECIALLY WHEN THE SNOW IS FALLING I’LL BE CALLING…
GRINCH
SHE’S SINGING TO ME? WHAT COULD EXPLAIN IT?
(GRINCH)
I STOLE HER TREE. THAT CINDY-LOU WHO-GIRL, STILL THINKS OF ME?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
YOUNG MAX THEY STILL HAVE THEIR CHRISTMAS THEY KNOW HOW TO SHARE!
GRINCH
I TOOK ALL HER PRESENTS
YOUNG MAX AND SHE DOESN’T CARE!
CINDY-LOU
EVEN WHEN WE’RE FAR APART YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING TO MY HEART…
GRINCH
THERE’S SOMETHING NOT RIGHT HERE THERE’S SOMETHING I’VE MISSED HOW COULD I THINK I COULD LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS? JUST ONE OF A KIND WAS I BLIND? AND WHERE DOES IT END? NOT ONE SINGLE FRIEND! I HATE BEING ONE OF A KIND!
It hurts, Max, it hurts! Make it stop, make it cease! I feel good toward the Whos, just goodwill and peace!
YOUNG MAX
Let it come, Mister Grinch, you’re getting so near!
GRINCH
Is a Who whoever… can be of… good cheer?
Arf! Arf! Arf!
YOUNG MAX
GRINCH
It couldn’t be, could it? Could it really be true? Could I be a— maybe—Am I a Who too?
YOUNG MAX & OLD MAX
Arf arf arrooo!
OLD MAX
What happened then? Well, in Who-ville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
The GRINCH’S small heart grows three sizes right before our eyes.
GRINCH
(finally…)
Wow.
Max—You’re a dog in a million!
Come here. Boy! Come here! Give me that belly! Give me that belly!
The GRINCH rubs YOUNG MAX’s belly and YOUNG MAX responds.
—There’s just one more thing.
I’m Santa—you’re Prancer—we’ve presents to bring! So hitch up that sleigh and tie up the sack— We’ve got two or three minutes to bring this stuff back!
YOUNG MAX
Oh, yes sir!
OLD MAX
Arf! Arf! Arf!
Suddenly, the sled on the precipice teeters and threatens to go over—both the GRINCH and YOUNG MAX running for it.
YOUNG MAX
Oh boy. OH… NOOOooooo!
Mt. Crumpit disappears. OLD MAX turns to us.
#17A—This Time of Year (Reprise 2)
OLD MAX
There’s a saying in Who-ville: Every dog has his day. Now that mine’s come and gone, I’ll be wending my way.
I’LL REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS THIS TIME OF YEAR AND I’LL HOLD WHAT MEM’RY BRINGS THIS TIME OF YEAR… A MIRACLE THAT SONG INSPIRED, NOW IT’S TIME THAT I RETIRED, KEEPING ALL I FEEL…
KNOWING THAT IT’S REAL, LETTING MEM’RY HEAL…
He can’t go on. Well, I don’t have to tell you… You know, of all my stories, I like this one the best. And how does it end? I’ll let the Whos tell you the rest.
As WHOS approach the stage from the audience house, OLD MAX gives us a wave, picks up his suitcase, and disappears.
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, COME THIS WAY!
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS DAY.
WELCOME, WELCOME
FAH WHO RAH-MOOSE WELCOME, WELCOME
DAH WHO DAH-MOOSE
CHRISTMAS TIME WILL ALWAYS BE JUST AS LONG AS WE HAVE WE
(WHOS)
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, COME THIS WAY!
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS DAY.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
WELCOME, WELCOME
FAH WHO RAH-MOOSE WELCOME, WELCOME
DAH WHO DAH-MOOSE CHRISTMAS DAY IS IN OUR GRASP AS LONG AS WE HAVE HANDS TO CLASP
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, HAPPY TO SAY!
FAH WHO FOR-AZE!
DAH WHO DOR-AZE! WELCOME, CHRISTMAS, CHRISTMAS DAY.
We hear a crazy twisted-up horn blast.
Into their midst rides the GRINCH, a gigantic bag of Christmas presents on the sleigh behind him, blowing a horn, with YOUNG MAX pulling the sled. The WHOS scurry in fright and amazement.
GRINCH
Citizens of Who-ville! I wish you a Merry Chri…
YOUNG MAX
You can do it, Mister Grinch…
GRINCH
I wish you a very Merry Ch… Ch… Ch…
YOUNG MAX
Do it, Mister Grinch.
GRINCH
I wish you… I wish you a very Merry…
He trails off, defeated.
Hi, Mister Grinch.
CINDY-LOU
GRINCH
… Christmas. (triumphant)
Merry Christmas, Whos one and all!
Cheers from the WHOS.
#19—Finale
GRINCH
I’ve brought presents and wrappings and trappings and toys and I want you to fill Christmas with noise, noise, noise!
Cheers from the WHOS.
I’ve got a great giftie for you, Brother Boo— it’s faster than fast and it’s stylish too!
BOO WHO
Thank you, Mister Grinch!
GRINCH
And presents for Annie…
ANNIE WHO
Thank you, Mister Grinch!
And Danny…
GRINCH
DANNY WHO
Thank you very much, Mister Grinch!
And Betty-Lou Who…
Thank you!
GRINCH
BETTY-LOU WHO
GRINCH
And great-tasting food for all of you Whos!
YOUNG MAX rolls on a table laden with food and a giant roast-beast. The WHOS cheer.
And I’ve got something special for this friend, of course— —for my dear Cindy-Lou Who—a red rocking horse!
The GRINCH and CINDY-LOU hug.
CINDY-LOU
Thank you, Mister Grinch. There’s just one thing you’ve missed.
GRINCH
Oh no! Really? That’s all the gifts on my list.
CINDY-LOU
The presents are great, and we’re grateful, it’s true. But really the only thing missing was you.
WHOS
Awww…
GRINCH
PROMISE YOU’LL REMEMBER ME
CINDY-LOU
DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU’LL BE
(to us)
GRINCH & CINDY-LOU ‘SPECIALLY WHEN THE SNOW IS FALLING I’LL BE CALLING
FULL COMPANY
EVEN WHEN WE’RE FAR APART YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING TO MY HEART SO THIS IS HOW YOU’LL ALWAYS STAY MY SANTA FOR A DAY…
YOUNG MAX
So he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast! And he—he himself—the Grinch carved the roast-beast!
FULL COMPANY
THIS WILL BE OUR SONG YOU AND I BELONG HEART TO HEART TOGETHER… CHRISTMAS DAY!
(A giant Christmas wreath descends, framing the GRINCH, CINDY-LOU and the WHOS.)
#20—Bows
WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS? WHOS LIKE CHRISTMAS!
CHRISTMAS PRESENT AND CHRISTMAS TO BE!
WHO LIKES CHRISTMAS? HERE’S THE REASON, TIS THE SEASON, TO BE FREEZIN’
WHO LIKES MISTLETOE, AND THE KISS BELOW, SPIRIT SHOWING, KINDNESS FLOWING, CANDLES GLOWING WHEN WE LIGHT THE TREE? WHO?
(FULL
COMPANY)
Two huge cannon bursts spray confetti out, over the audience.