LIBRETTO VOCAL BOOK
THE FRANK LOESSER AND ABE BURROWS MUSICAL
Music and Lyrics by Frank Loesser
Book by Abe Burrows, Jack Weinstock,
& Willie Gilbert
Based on “How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying” by Shepherd Mead
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THANK YOU! Copyright © 1961, 1962 by Frank Music Corp. Copyright Renewed © 1989, 1990
CHARACTERS J. PIERREPONT FINCH
GATCH
JENKINS
TACKABERRY
PETERSON
J. B. BIGGLEY ROSEMARY BRATT
SMITTY
BUD FRUMP Miss JONES
Mr. TWIMBLE HEDY
SCRUBWOMEN
Miss KRUMHOLTZ TOYNBEE
OVINGTON
POLICEMAN WOMPER
The entire action takes place in the new Park Avenue office building of World Wide Wicket Company, Inc.
— iii —
MUSICAL NUMBERS ACT 1
Overture...................................................................................................................................1 1. Opening—Act One ............................................................................................................1 2. How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying ...................................................1 3. Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm................................................................................12 3a. Good Morning (Entrance Of Secretaries) ...................................................................13 4. Coffee Break......................................................................................................................14 4a. Frump On The Phone....................................................................................................21 5. The Company Way ..........................................................................................................26 6. The Company Way (Reprise) .........................................................................................34 7. Rosemary's Philosophy ...................................................................................................38 8. Hedy...................................................................................................................................39 9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy.................................................................................................42 9a. The Executives’ Exit.......................................................................................................44 10. Been A Long Day ...........................................................................................................49 11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) ..........................................................................................55 11a. Saturday Morning ........................................................................................................56 12. Grand Old Ivy ................................................................................................................59 13. Grand Old Ivy (Reprise) ...............................................................................................63 13a. Vassar .............................................................................................................................64 14. Hedy’s Walk....................................................................................................................68 14a. Onward And Upward .................................................................................................69 14b. Girlsville ........................................................................................................................69 15. Paris Original..................................................................................................................71 16. The Company Way (a La Dance Band) ......................................................................76 16a. The Executive Landing ...............................................................................................76 17. Elevator Dance ...............................................................................................................77 17a. Ethereal Grandeur .......................................................................................................79 18. Rosemary.........................................................................................................................81 19. Rip The Chipmunk ........................................................................................................87 20. Finale—Act One .............................................................................................................91
ACT 2
21. Entr’acte ..........................................................................................................................93 22. Opening—Act Two ........................................................................................................93 23. Cinderella, Darling ........................................................................................................95 24. I Have Returned...........................................................................................................101 25. Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm (Reprise)...........................................................105 25a. Knitorama ...................................................................................................................105 26. Love From A Heart Of Gold.......................................................................................108 26a. The Lunch Date ..........................................................................................................111 27. I Believe In You.............................................................................................................113 27a. Into Board Room ........................................................................................................115 28. T. V. Announcement ....................................................................................................125 29. The Yo-Ho-Ho...............................................................................................................126 30. Hedy’s Fanfare .............................................................................................................126 30a. The First Clue .............................................................................................................127 30b. Disaster........................................................................................................................128 31. I Believe In You (Rosemary) .......................................................................................131 32. Doom .............................................................................................................................133 33. Brotherhood Of Man ...................................................................................................139 34. More Doom ...................................................................................................................143 34a. Hallelujah ....................................................................................................................145 35. Finale (The Company Way)........................................................................................146 36. Bows...............................................................................................................................146 37. Exit Music........................................................................................................................14
— iv —
SONGS
BY
CHARACTER
BUD
4. Coffee Break.................................14
6. The Company Way (Reprise) ......34
FINCH
2. How To Succeed In Business
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy .............42
Without Really Trying ....................1
11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) .......55
5. The Company Way ......................26
20. Finale—Act One.........................91
10. Been A Long Day .......................49
24. I Have Returned ......................101
12. Grand Old Ivy............................59
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
13. Grand Old Ivy (Reprise) ...........63
36. Bows .........................................146
18. Rosemary ...................................81
BIGGLEY
19. Rip The Chipmunk ....................87
11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) .......55
20. Finale—Act One.........................91
12. Grand Old Ivy............................59
27. I Believe In You ........................113
13. Grand Old Ivy (Reprise) ...........63
33. Brotherhood Of Man................139
19. Rip The Chipmunk ....................87
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
26. Love From A Heart Of Gold....108
36. Bows .........................................146
33. Brotherhood Of Man................139
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
ROSEMARY
3. Happy To Keep His
36. Bows .........................................146
Dinner Warm ................................12
HEDY
7. Rosemary's Philosophy ...............38
11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) .......55
10. Been A Long Day .......................49
26. Love From A Heart Of Gold....108
15. Paris Original.............................71
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
18. Rosemary ...................................81
36. Bows .........................................146
20. Finale—Act One.........................91
SMITTY
23. Cinderella, Darling ....................95
4. Coffee Break.................................14
25. Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm
10. Been A Long Day .......................49
(Reprise) ......................................105
15. Paris Original.............................71
31. I Believe In You (Rosemary)....131
23. Cinderella, Darling ..................95S
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
36. Bows .........................................146
36. Bows .........................................146
— v —
MISS JONES
MEN OF THE CHORUS
33. Brotherhood Of Man................139
5. The Company Way ......................26
15. Paris Original.............................71
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146 36. Bows .........................................146
WOMPER
33. Brotherhood Of Man................139
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146 36. Bows .........................................146
TWIMBLE
5. The Company Way ......................26 6. The Company Way (Reprise) ......34
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146 36. Bows .........................................146
BRATT
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy .............42
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146 36. Bows .........................................146
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy .............42 15. Paris Original.............................71
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146 36. Bows .........................................146
— vi —
4. Coffee Break.................................14 6. The Company Way (Reprise) ......34
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy .............42
10. Been A Long Day .......................49 27. I Believe In You ........................113
33. Brotherhood Of Man................139
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
36. Bows .........................................146
LADIES OF THE CHORUS
4. Coffee Break.................................14 5. The Company Way ......................26 6. The Company Way (Reprise) ......34
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy .............42
10. Been A Long Day .......................49
23. Cinderella, Darling ....................95 34a. Hallelujah ...............................145
35. Finale (The Company Way).....146
36. Bows .........................................146
— 1 —
Overture
(Orchestra)
ACT ONE Scene 1
#1 — Opening Act 1
(Orchestra)
(EXTERIOR OF THE WORLD WIDE WICKET COMPANY. At the end of the Overture the house curtain goes up. A one-man window washing machine descends with FINCH on it. He is wearing a window washer’s coveralls. He works on a window with a squeegee and at the same time reads a pocket book, “How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying.” We don’t see FINCH’s face immediately. We then hear the voice of the book telling what FINCH is reading.)
BOOK VOICE Dear Reader, This little book is designed to tell you everything you need to know about the science of getting ahead. (FINCH turns front toward the audience, and turns page in the book.)
Now let us assume you are young, healthy, clear-eyed and eager, anxious to rise quickly and easily to the top of the business world. You can!
(Looking up)
FINCH
I can!
(He continues looking at book.)
BOOK VOICE If you have education and intelligence and ability, so much the better. But remember that thousands have reached the top without any of these qualities. (Scaffold lowers to the floor.)
Just have courage and memorize the simple rules in the chapters that follow. If you truly wish to be among the lucky golden few, you can!
FINCH
I can!
(He puts squeegee down in pail to his left. He begins to thumb through the book rapidly and starts to sing.)
#2 — How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying FINCH
HOW TO APPLY FOR A JOB …
(Steps off scaffold.)
HOW TO ADVANCE FROM THE MAILROOM …
(Finch)
— 2 —
HOW
T O
(Sits on scaffold rail.)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH)
HOW TO SIT DOWN AT A DESK …
HOW TO DICTATE MEMORANDUMS …
(Rises, crosses D.L. of C.)
HOW TO DEVELOP EXECUTIVE STYLE …
HOW TO COMMUTE IN A THREE BUTTON SUIT …
(Crosses L.)
WITH THAT WEARY EXECUTIVE SMILE.
THIS BOOK IS ALL THAT I NEED … "HOW TO, HOW TO SUCCEED.”
(Exterior building drop out, revealing various OFFICE PERSONNEL in a tableau showing office activity.) Scene 2
(CORRIDOR OF THE WORLD WIDE WICKET COMPANY. FINCH now stands among PEOPLE, crosses to center and continues singing.)
FINCH
HOW TO OBSERVE PERSONNEL.
HOW TO SELECT WHOM TO LUNCH WITH.
HOW TO AVOID PETTY FRIENDS …
HOW TO BEGIN MAKING CONTACTS. HOW TO …
(FINCH continues to look at book.)
BOOK VOICE How to choose the right company. Before applying for a job, make sure you have chosen the right company. It is essential that the company be a big one. It should be at least big enough so that nobody knows exactly what anyone else is doing.
(FINCH then crosses U.R. above JENKINS, listening to their conversation. After each of the following conversations, the various OFFICE PERSONNEL resume the frozen poses.) (U.R.)
GATCH
Say, Joe, I’ve got a complaint from our dealers in Cleveland … about that last shipment of wickets. They only got half their wickets. They ordered three hundred thousand.
(L. of Gatch)
JENKINS
I know, Mr. Gatch, but they wanted two-toned wickets and we ran out.
(FINCH crosses L. to Johnson.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
JOHNSON Ran out? What is this, a hot dog stand?
GATCH Look, this is the World Wide Wicket Company. We’re supposed to be the largest single producer of wickets in the world.
JENKINS Now take it easy, Mr. Gatch. There was trouble at our eastern plant … a breakdown. GATCH Well get on the ball. I want to keep Cleveland wicket-minded. JENKINS
Yes, sir.
(Crosses L. to Matthews. FINCH crosses D.R. of C.)
Oh, Mr. Matthews, any news about the breakdown?
MATTHEWS
(C.)
Oh, I’m feeling, much better.
(L. of C.)
PETERSON
Oh, say, Tackaberry, did you get my memo?
(FINCH crosses R. of PETERSON.) (Turns R. to PETERSON)
TACKABERRY
What memo?
PETERSON My memo about memos. We’re sending out too many memos and it’s got to stop. All right I’ll send out a memo.
(ALL still remain frozen.) (Crosses L.)
TACKABERRY
FINCH
The right company!
(FINCH puts book in wire mail basket held by OFFICE BOY far left, removes breakaway coveralls, tosses them offstage left, picks up book, begins to sing.) THIS BOOK IS ALL THAT I NEED
“HOW TO, HOW TO SUCCEED.”
— 3 —
— 4 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH crosses R. ROSEMARY enters L., carrying folder of papers. OFFICE PERSONNEL break freeze and exit. J.B. BIGGLEY enters R., surrounded by FOUR HENCHMEN. FINCH crosses R., bumps into BIGGLEY, knocks him down. HENCHMEN help him up, saying things like “Are you okay, Mr. BIGGLEY?” etc.) Never mind, never mind.
BIGGLEY
(A roar.)
Back to work, everybody!
(THEY all scuttle offstage. ROSEMARY goes a little more slowly and lingers at the left side, listening.) (To FINCH)
You heard me! I said back to work!
(L. of BIGGLEY)
BIGGLEY
FINCH
I’m sorry I bumped into you, sir, but I would like to apply for a job. A job? Do you know who I am? No, sir.
(Going right on)
BIGGLEY FINCH BIGGLEY
I’m J.B. Biggley. I’m president of this company, that’s who I am. In fact, that’s who the hell I am. How dare you come to me for a job? I’m sorry, sir, but I …
FINCH
BIGGLEY Why do you think I have a personnel man? Why do you think I have a whole damned personnel department? Son, you bumped into the wrong man. (Starts Off R.)
Damn damn coal-burning dithering ding ding ding.
(He exits R.)
(Crossing R.)
ROSEMARY
I’m sorry. I know how hard it is to find a job. I’ve been through that kind of thing myself.
FINCH Thank you, Miss. You’re very kind. Could you tell me where the personnel office is?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Amazed)
ROSEMARY
Personnel?
(She points U.L.)
It’s right there. Thank you.
FINCH
(He starts for personnel, crossing L. below Rosemary.) (Crossing L. to C., stopping him)
You — you’re not discouraged?
(Crosses L.)
ROSEMARY
FINCH
Of course not. I’m prepared for exactly this sort of thing.
(Crosses L.)
ROSEMARY
Say! My friend Smitty works in Personnel. Maybe she can help you.
(Starts off R.)
You wait here.
(She exits R.) (Calling after her)
FINCH
But, Miss, it’s not really …
(He shrugs and starts f or the Personnel door U.L. BRATT comes out of door.) (L. of FINCH, stopping him)
Where do you think you’re going? To see the personnel manager, sir.
BRATT
FINCH
BRATT I’m the personnel manager and we’re not hiring anyone today. (Crosses R. below FINCH.)
FINCH Well, I was just speaking to Mr. Biggley
— 5 —
— 6 —
HOW
(Stops, looks at him)
Biggley? Yes, sir.
J.B. Biggley? Yes, sir. He told me to see you.
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BRATT
FINCH BRATT FINCH
(Smiles out front. NOTE: This smile is the first of several that Finch uses throughout the show. These smiles are very important. They are communications between Finch and the audience. They tell the audience when Finch has successfully, worked one of his ploys. The smile is a gentle, Mona Lisa smile. It should look like a cat that just swallowed a canary and is happy about it. When he does it, Finch should turn his head quickly to the audience and give them the smile directly. The staging of the other characters on stage should be so arranged that they are not even aware that Finch is smiling to the audience. This particular smile should only be used in the key spots that are marked in the script. Care should be taken that they are not overdone, otherwise they will lose their impact.) (Crosses L. to FINCH)
BRATT
J.B. Biggley, himself? You were speaking to him? Yes, sir. I just bumped into him. Ah, is he a friend of yours?
(Modest hesitation)
FINCH
BRATT FINCH
Sir, I don’t think a man should trade on friendship to get a job.
BRATT Very well put, young man. Well, if you step into my office, I think we can work something out. My name is Bratt. (Extending his hand.)
And you are …
(Shaking his hand)
Finch, sir. Pierrepont Finch.
FINCH
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
BRATT
(Smiling)
Pierrepont. Say, maybe that ought to be J. Pierrepont Finch.
(Laughs.)
FINCH
As a matter of fact, sir, it is.
BRATT
(Stops laughing)
Well, step into my office.
(THEY both go U. L. through the door. ROSEMARY re-enters R., tugging SMITTY by the hand.)
SMITTY
(Following ROSEMARY)
Good God, Rosemary, you could at least have let me finish my Metrecal.
(R. of C.)
ROSEMARY
This is important, Smitty. I know you can help him.
(Looks around, sees that FINCH is gone.)
Where is he?
How would I know?
SMITTY
ROSEMARY He must have gone into Mr. Bratt’s office. Go on in there. You’re Bratt’s secretary. He’ll listen to you. But why this frantic, urgent urgency?
SMITTY
ROSEMARY Please, Smitty. We’ve got to help this boy.
SMITTY But why? Fill me in, girl. Wherefore is this creep different from all other creeps?
ROSEMARY He’s not a creep, Smitty. He has a sort of noble courage, yet deep down I feel that he’s sort of helpless. SMITTY Rosemary, your mother instinct is a big drag.
(BRATT comes out of his office, laughing at a joke, followed by FINCH who has a big cigar in his mouth.)
— 7 —
— 8 —
HOW
Well, that’s all settled.
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BRATT
(L. of FINCH, patting him on shoulder.)
Nice to have you aboard, Finch.
Happy to ship out with you, sir.
FINCH
(FINCH is searching for matches in his pocket.)
Let me do that.
BRATT
(Reaches for matches, lights FINCH’s cigar. ROSEMARY and SMITTY watch with great interest.)
Who is that.?
SMITTY
ROSEMARY That’s my helpless friend. Isn’t he adorable? Adorable, maybe. Helpless, no.
SMITTY
ROSEMARY Shut up, Smitty. I just hope he hasn’t got a girl.
(FINCH and BRATT cross R. towards ROSEMARY and SMITTY.)
BRATT My secretary will take care of the forms and getting your particulars. Oh, Smitty, this is our new Mr. Finch. Hello, there.
(Quickly steps in R. of FINCH)
SMITTY
ROSEMARY
My name is Pilkington. Rosemary Pilkington. Oh, hello. Hi.
FINCH
ROSEMARY
BRATT Mr. Finch will be starting out in the mailroom. Glad you don’t mind that, Finch. FINCH Sir, in a big pond like this, everyone must begin as a little fish. Even a barracuda.
SMITTY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(ROSEMARY and BRATT look at SMITTY. BUD enters L., crossing R. to exit.) Now, Smitty, will you
BRATT
(GATCH enters R., addresses BUD.)
GATCH Say, Bud, have you guys in the mailroom sent out those wicket catalogs yet? (Stopping R. of Gatch)
I don’t know. I’m going to lunch. At eleven o’clock? Why? Because I’m the boss’s nephew.
BUD
GATCH BUD
(Starts off R. GATCH exits U.R. into his office.)
BRATT
(Crossing R. below FINCH, calling to Bud)
Oh, Bud!
(To FINCH, as BUD approaches.)
This is Bud Frump, Mr. Biggley’s nephew.
(Crosses L. above FINCH. BUD crosses L. to R. of FINCH.)
This is Mr. Finch. He’s going to be working with you in the mailroom.
BUD Hello, Finch. I’m Bud Frump, Mr. Biggley’s nephew. (Offers hand)
FINCH
How do you do?
(BUD ignores his hand.) (About to leave)
Smitty, get Mr. Finch’s particulars. Yes, sir. Finch, nice to have you on our team.
(Starts off L.)
BRATT
SMITTY BRATT
— 9 —
— 10 —
HOW
Glad to be playing with you, sir.
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
(BRATT stops, turns, gives FINCH a look and exits into his office U.L.)
Finch, you ambitious? Not necessarily.
BUD
FINCH
BUD Good. Just keep that in mind. If you just remember who I am and remember who you are, we’ll get on fine. If not … (R. of BUD)
ROSEMARY
You’ll go crying to your uncle.
BUD I beg your pardon. I do not go crying to my uncle.
(Crosses R. below ROSEMARY and SMITTY, turns.)
It happens that my mother is Mrs. Biggley’s sister.
(Removes hat.)
If I feel that anything is wrong, I phone my mother. She phones Mrs. Biggley and Mrs. Biggley phones Mr. Biggley.
(Puts hat back on.)
That’s the democratic way.
(He exits R.)
(Crosses L. two steps)
ROSEMARY
Mr. Finch, a man like you doesn’t have to worry about someone like him.
(Crosses R. to SMITTY.)
SMITTY, you were going to get Mr. Finch’s particulars.
SMITTY Ah, yes, particulars. Now, Mr. Finch, the first question. Have you got a girl? A girl? No.
ROSEMARY FINCH
ROSEMARY Good. I mean, that’s the right answer. I mean, it’s very wise not to have a girl.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
FINCH
(C.)
I’m glad you understand, Miss Pilkington. Some women wouldn’t. You see, I feel that when a man wants to rise in the world of business, a girl, or let’s say an emotional involvement, can only lead to getting involved emotionally. That’s very intelligent, Mr. Finch.
ROSEMARY SMITTY
Yes.
(Crosses L. below ROSEMARY to FINCH.)
Rosemary, are you through with Mr. Finch? For the moment.
ROSEMARY SMITTY
Fine.
(Indicates office U.L. as she and FINCH cross L.)
Now if you’ll just step into my office, we’ll get our business done.
(Crosses L.)
ROSEMARY
Good luck, Mr. Finch.
FINCH
(Below door U.L.)
Thank you, uh, Miss … Pilkington. Rosemary Pilkington. I’m glad to be aboard.
ROSEMARY FINCH
(He exits into BRATT’s office U.L.)
Well, Rosemary, you see? I think he’s fascinating.
SMITTY
ROSEMARY
SMITTY I’ve seen some ambitious characters around here, but this boy is the eagerest beaver of them all. New Rochelle.
ROSEMARY
— 11 —
— 12 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
SMITTY
Huh? Or maybe White Plains. No …
ROSEMARY
#3 — Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm New Rochelle … Huh? New Rochelle … What are you talking about.? New Rochelle … What about it?
(Rosemary, Smitty)
(ROSEMARY) SMITTY ROSEMARY SMITTY ROSEMARY SMITTY ROSEMARY
THAT’S THE PLACE WHERE THE MANSION WILL BE,
FOR ME AND THE DARLING, BRIGHT, YOUNG MAN
(Crosses R.)
I’VE PICKED OUT FOR MARRYING ME. HE’LL DO WELL, I CAN TELL,
SO IT ISN’T A MOMENT TOO SOON
(Crosses L. to SMITTY.)
TO PLAN ON MY LIFE IN NEW ROCHELLE;
THE WIFE OF MY DARLING TYCOON.
SMITTY Honey, you’ll be in New Rochelle. Your darling tycoon will be here in the office. (Crosses U. L.)
Smitty, I …
ROSEMARY
SMITTY The future Mrs. Finch is in for some lonely nights. (She exits into her office U.L.) (TRAVELER closes.)
(ROSEMARY speaks, crosses R.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 13 —
ROSEMARY I’m prepared for exactly that sort of thing. (ROSEMARY sings.)
I’LL BE SO HAPPY TO KEEP HIS DINNER WARM, WHILE HE GOES ONWARD AND UPWARD.
HAPPY TO KEEP HIS DINNER WARM
(Sits.)
TILL HE COMES WEARILY HOME FROM DOWNTOWN. I’LL BE THERE WAITING UNTIL HIS MIND IS CLEAR,
WHILE HE LOOKS THROUGH ME, RIGHT THROUGH ME,
WAITING TO SAY: “GOOD EVENING, DEAR, I’M PREGNANT;
(Rises.)
WHAT’S NEW WITH YOU FROM DOWNTOWN?” OH, TO BE LOVED
BY A MAN I RESPECT,
TO BASK IN THE GLOW
OF HIS PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE NEGLECT.
OH, TO BELONG IN THE AURA
OF HIS FROWN, DARLING BUSY FROWN.
SUCH HEAVEN WEARING THE WIFELY UNIFORM
WHILE HE GOES ONWARD AND UPWARD.
HAPPY TO KEEP HIS DINNER WARM
TILL HE COMES WEARILY HOME FROM DOWNTOWN.
#3a — Good Morning (Entrance Of Secretaries)
(Orchestra)
Scene 3
(Theater office of the World Wide Wicket Company. There are two rows of desks with typewriters, adding machines and standard office equipment. GIRLS enter L. briskly, saying “Good morning.” They sit down at their desks, take off office machine covers. The last GIRL dashes on, gets to her place just ready for them all to begin work. A MAN sticks his head out on stage L. and yells.) Coffee break! It’s about time!
MAN
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
(MAN pushes on coffee machine L. OTHER OFFICE PERSONNEL enter L. and R. A long line is hurriedly formed across stage before the coffee machine. BUD FRUMP enters R., goes to front of line, holds his cup under the spigot.)
There’s no coffee!
BUD
— 14 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
ALL
(A buzz)
No coffee! No coffee!
(C.)
No coffee?
SMITTY
BUD
No coffee!
(ALL take front.)
#4 — Coffee Break
(Frump, Smitty, Chorus) SMITTY
No coffee.
(THEY all groan and collapse onto stage.)
BUD
IF I CAN’T TAKE MY COFFEE BREAK,
MY COFFEE BREAK, MY COFFEE BREAK, IF I CAN’T TAKE MY COFFEE BREAK,
(ALL Sit Up.)
SOMETHING WITHIN ME DIES …
ALL
LIES DOWN AND SOMETHING WITHIN ME DIES!
(ALL collapse again. BUD pushes machine C. SMITTY crosses C. to L. of machine.)
SMITTY
IF I CAN’T MAKE THREE DAILY TRIPS
WHERE SHINING SHRINE BENIGNLY DRIPS,
(ALL crowd around machine.)
AND TASTE CARDBOARD BETWEEN MY LIPS,
SOMETHING WITHIN ME DIES … LIES DOWN AND
ALL
(ALL fade up.)
SOMETHING WITHIN ME DIES!
(ALL collapse.)
NO COFFEE,
1ST VOICE
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE,
— 15 —
2ND VOICE 3RD VOICE 4TH VOICE 5TH VOICE 6TH VOICE 7TH VOICE 8TH VOICE
(ALL sit up.)
SMITTY
THAT OFFICE LIGHT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FLUORESCENT,
I’LL GET NO PAINS IN THE HEAD.
THAT OFFICE CHAIR DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FOAM RUBBER,
SO IF I SPREAD, SO I SPREAD.
BUT ONLY ONE CHEMICAL SUBSTANCE GETS OUT THE LEAD! LIKE SHE SAID!
ALL
IF I CAN’T TAKE MY COFFEE BREAK,
(ALL cross D.)
MY COFFEE BREAK, MY COFFEE BREAK,
IF I CAN’T TAKE MY COFFEE BREAK,
SMITTY AND BUD
GONE IS THE SENSE OF ENTERPRISE …
ALL
ALL GONE AND SOMETHING WITHIN ME DIES.
ALL
NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE,
NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE, NO COFFEE. (Scream!)
(ALL scream as a DANCER jumps into orchestra pit. ALL cross to coffee machine C.)
ALL
IF I CAN’T TAKE MY COFFEE BREAK,
— 16 —
HOW
T O
(R. of C.)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
SMITTY
SOMEHOW THE SOUL NO LONGER TRIES …
(Collapses into BOY’s arms.)
ALL
COFFEE, COFFEE.
(D.R. against portal.)
BUD
SOMEWHERE I DON’T METABOLIZE … COFFEE, COFFEE
ALL
SMITTY & BUD
SOMETHING WITHIN ME …
(They cross to C. ALL spread out.)
COFFEE OR OTHERWISE,
ALL
COFFEE OR OTHERWISE,
COFFEE OR OTHERWISE,
SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME … DIES!
(After number, GIRL enters from R. Carrying steaming pot of coffee, crosses to L. of C.) (Crosses L. to GIRL.)
What’s that?
A coffee pot. Coffee!
BUD
GIRL BUD
(They all yell “Coffee!” and go off L., except FIVE of the GIRLS cross to upstage row of desks and go to work. A MAN pushes coffee machine off R. ROSEMARY has entered L. during this, carrying small vase of flowers. She goes to her desk. FINCH enters L. with basket of mail. He is reading his book.)
BOOK VOICE You have alertly seized your opportunities and are now on the first rung of the ladder. You are working in the mailroom. One word of caution about the mailroom: It is a place out of which you must get. Some of your rivals will not have the advantage of this knowledge, but you are forearmed. Do not get stuck in the mailroom. Plan to rise. (BUD enters L., to FINCH.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 17 —
BUD
(Quickly)
Finch, where are you going? What have you got there?
FINCH
(R. of BUD)
It’s the executive mail.
BUD
I’ll take that.
(Takes mail from FINCH.)
Trying to get in good on the inside, huh? I can’t even take a coffee break around here! But, I’m merely trying to do my job.
FINCH
BUD The executive mail is my job. Finch, if you have any ideas of climbing a ladder around here, the view is going to get awfully monotonous. Every time you look up you’ll see the seat of my pants. (Crosses R. below FINCH and exits U.R. into executive suite.) (Rises, crosses R. to FINCH)
ROSEMARY
That’s rotten, rotten, rotten. You know, Bud Frump is just jealous of you … He’s trying to keep the big executives from noticing YOU.
(Crosses L. below ROSEMARY)
FINCH
Thank you for defending me, Miss Pilkington. Please call me Rosemary. Okay, Rosemary. Now, Mr. Finch Call me Ponty.
ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY FINCH
ROSEMARY Okay, Ponty. The big executives will notice you. Just be patient.
FINCH Patient! Do you realize I’ve been working here for one whole week! I know Ponty. I haven’t forgotten.
ROSEMARY
— 18 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
(ROSEMARY)
(She crosses L. to FINCH, puts flower in his buttonhole.)
Happy anniversary.
FINCH Thank you, Rosemary. At least you notice me. I wish I were an executive. I’d …
ROSEMARY
(She stops suddenly, looks offstage.)
Oh oh. Here comes Judith Anderson …
FINCH
Huh?
ROSEMARY That’s Miss Jones, Mr. Biggley’s secretary. (Starts U.L. to her desk.)
I’d better look busy. And you, too …
(She sits. FINCH crosses up to row of desks, looking busy. MISS JONES enters L., heading toward executive suite U.R. ROSEMARY fools With papers. FINCH suddenly turns and follows Miss Jones.)
Pardon me, ma’am.
FINCH
(He takes flower from his buttonhole, presses it into her hand.)
You should be wearing this. It goes with your hair.
(She accepts it in a puzzled fashion. FINCH starts away L.)
Young man.
MISS JONES
(FINCH Stops. She crosses D.)
You just want me to have this flower? You don’t know who I am?
(Crosses R. to her)
FINCH
That doesn’t matter. What matters is that the flower seemed to cry out to be worn by you.
(Starts away L. again.)
MISS JONES Young man, I’m Miss Jones, Mr. Biggley’s secretary. (FINCH stops.)
FINCH No, you can’t be. I mean … that is … you just can’t be.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
Why not?
MISS JONES FINCH
(Crosses R. to her)
Well, from Bud Frump’s description of you, I’d never have, I mean you’re not a frightening person. Thank you.
MISS JONES
FINCH If it’s not out of place for me to say so, Miss Jones. I think you’re a very attractive person. No matter what Bud Frump says. MISS JONES What did you say your name was.? FINCH Finch, ma’am. F-I-N-C-H. Finch. Pierrepont Finch
MISS JONES How is it I haven’t seen you before? FINCH
(R. below her)
Oh, I’m not supposed to deliver the executive mail. That’s his job. Bud Frump. F-R-U-M-P.
MISS JONES Mmmmm. Well, thank you very much, Finch. You’re a very interesting young man. FINCH
Thank you, Miss Jones.
(Crosses L. below her. GATCH enters R.)
Say, Jonesy …
GATCH
(FINCH, hearing GATCH’s voice, kneels L. of MISS JONES, ties shoelace.)
I’d like an appointment with the boss at around three.
(Pinning flower on her suit)
MISS JONES
I’ll check on it, Milt, and let you know.
(R. of MISS JONES)
GATCH
Ah, flowers. You got a new boy friend, Jonesy?
MISS JONES This was given to me by a very nice young man. You should know him. Finch?
— 19 —
— 20 —
HOW
(He pops up quickly)
Yes?
Finch, this is Mr. Gatch. How do you do, Mr. Gatch? Hello.
(They shake hands.) (To FINCH)
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
MISS JONES FINCH GATCH
MISS JONES
Mr. Gatch would be a good man for you to know. His department is very important.
FINCH Oh, I know all about Mr. Gatch. He’s in charge of … (Rattling it off.)
Plans and Systems and Interdepartmental Evaluation. Also Pre-Promotional Promotion, Post-Administrative Research, and Multiple Development on a multilevel level.
(To MISS JONES)
GATCH
Hey, Jonesy, this is a smart one. I didn’t know I did all that.
(He exits R.)
FINCH Very fine man, Mr. Gatch. I hear he has an opening in his department.
MISS JONES Yes, he has, but he hasn’t been able to make up his mind. Well, thank you for the flower, young Man. You’re welcome, Miss Jones.
FINCH
(She starts U.R., steps to executive suite. FINCH crosses U. to desks. BUD enters U.R. from executive suite.)
Hi, Jonesy.
(Snapping)
Miss Jones.
BUD
MISS JONES
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 21 —
(She exits U.R. BUD looks after her, puzzled, then looks suspiciously at FINCH.)
FINCH
(Turns away from BUD, starts L.)
Say, Rosemary …
BUD
(Crosses D. to FINCH)
Finch, quit goofing off. You’ve got to pick up the second delivery!
(Crosses L. below FINCH.)
FINCH
Righto, Bud, old buddy boy.
(BUD exits off L., puzzled. FINCH goes to ROSEMARY at desk.)
Got to go to work now. Thanks for the flower, Rosemary.
(Starts off R.)
(She rises, crosses R. to FINCH)
ROSEMARY
Thanks for the flower? You gave my flower to Miss Jones.
FINCH Rosemary, surely you don’t begrudge an old lady a moment of happiness. ROSEMARY Well, I guess it is important for you to be nice to Miss Jones. (SMITTY enters from executive suite and observes this.)
FINCH I’m glad you understand that. See you later, Rosemary.
(He exits R. SMITTY crosses D.R., looking after FINCH.)
SMITTY
(Meaningfully. Turns to ROSEMARY)
Well, Rosemary, how are you doing?
(Crosses R. to SMITTY)
ROSEMARY
Oh, I don’t know. He’s he’s … Smitty, what’s the opposite of a sex maniac? A business man.
SMITTY
(They exit off R.)
#4a. — Frump On The Phone
(Orchestra)
— 22 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
Scene 4
(THE MAILROOM. There is a small counter stage L. with a stool to the R. of the counter. BUD is seated on the stool, speaking on the phone.)
BUD Hello? Give me an outside line. No, this call is not personal, I’m calling my mother … (Annoyed.)
Thanks.
(Rises, crosses behind counter. Talks to himself as he starts dialing.)
One of these days when I’m running the show around here, I’ll clear out the whole … Hello, Mother? Bud. I know I left without my sweater, but it’s warm. Now, look, Mother, I just found out something important. There’s going to be a new head of the mailroom and I want the job. You’ve got to call Aunt Gertrude and … I know I’m next in line, but there’s a new fellow working here that has me worried. Oh, he works hard, comes in on time, never goofs off, he’s polite … you know, a real rat.
(BLACKOUT. Front spot on BIGGLEY desk unit on R. MR. BIGGLEY is seated at his desk. His intercom is heard buzzing.)
BIGGLEY
(Gruffly crisp)
Yes, What do you want, Miss Jones?
(Over intercom)
MISS JONES’ VOICE
Mr. Biggley, your wife is calling.
BIGGLEY Well, tell her I’m busy, tell her I’m in a meeting, tell her I’m out, dammit, put her on! (Picks up phone and his voice becomes approximately affectionate.)
Hello, Gertrude. Glad you called. What’s on your mind? I’m busy. Uh huh, Uh huh. Well, Gertrude, I can’t help Bud there. The head of the mailroom should pick his own successor. I can’t switch signals in the middle of a play. It would upset the whole team. If I interfered that would be nepotism. Nepotism. That’s when your nephew is a goddamn fool. Well, I’ll see.
(Hangs up. To himself:)
Dammit.
(Pushes button and speaks into intercom.)
Miss Jones.
Yes, Mr. B.?
MISS JONES’ VOICE
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
BIGGLEY Miss Jones, I’ve told you that talking to my wife upsets me. MISS JONES’ VOICE Well, J.B., you said to put her on and …
BIGGLEY Never mind that. I need something to calm my nerves. Where is my … (Secretively.)
you know…
MISS JONES’ VOICE I put it in the back of your right hand bottom drawer. Thanks.
BIGGLEY
(Clicks. Opens bottom drawer, puts his hand in, pulls out knitting.)
Ahhhh… .
(Front SPOT dims out.)
(Dim up on mailroom. FINCH enters with mail bag, stops at R. end of counter. TIMBALE enters, crosses to L. of FINCH.)
Let’s get going, boys.
TIMBALE BUD
(Who has been standing U.S. Turns to L. of TIMBALE)
MMMMM.
(R. edge of counter)
FINCH
Yes, sir, Mr. Timbale. I’ve already started sorting.
TWIMBLE Finch, as head of this entire mailroom, I would like to tell you I’m very pleased with your work. FINCH Thank you, sir. TWIMBLE You really have an inborn gift for mailroomery.
FINCH Thank you, Mr. Twimble. Coming from you, that’s a great honor. (Phone RINGS.)
(Picks up phone)
BUD
Hello, mailroomery. No! Mailroom. Just a minute.
— 23 —
— 24 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(BUD)
(Calls.)
It’s for you, Twimble. Mr. Bratt in Personnel.
(Crosses R. above TWIMBLE, pushing FINCH to C. stage.) (Going to phone)
TWIMBLE
Ah, this may be a very important call for some of. us. Hello.
(To FINCH)
What’s the idea? What’s the idea of what, Bud.?
BUD
FINCH
BUD You know. You’re trying to butter up Twimble. Well, believe me, it won’t do you any good.
FINCH Good God, Bud. Just because I’m being nice to a man, does that mean I have to have an angle? BUD If anybody’s going to get his job, you know … (Stops as he hears TWIMBLE speak.)
TWIMBLE I got you, Mr. Bratt. Thanks very much.
(FINCH crosses above BUD to R. edge of counter. BUD counters to R. of FINCH as TWIMBLE hangs up the phone and crosses R. to the boys.)
Well, boys, it looks as if they’re going to promote old Twimble to the shipping department.
(Quickly)
Congratulations.
(Just as quickly)
FINCH
BUD
Who’s going to be the new head of the mailroom?
TWIMBLE I won’t say till it’s official, but Mr. Bratt is going to leave the choice to me. “Twimble,” he said, “The mailroom is the nerve center of this mighty organization. You’ve been an outstanding mailroom head and we want you to choose your successor. And we want you to choose him on merit. On merit alone.”
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
That’s not fair.
BUD
(Crosses L. above TWIMBLE.)
I’m going out to get a smoke.
(He exits quickly L.)
TWIMBLE Smoke. Ho ho. He’s going to call his mother. (Crosses R. to FINCH.)
But it’s not going to help him if I have anything to say. I have somebody else in mind for this job. Ho ho.
(After a moment)
Mr. Twimble … Yes?
(Crosses L. below TWIMBLE)
FINCH
TWIMBLE FINCH
You’ve been with this company a long time, haven’t you?
TWIMBLE Long, long time. Last month I became a quarter-of-a-century man. (Shows medal on his lapel.)
That’s beautiful.
FINCH
(Crosses R. to TWIMBLE.)
Gee, a quarter of a century. A quarter of a century.
TWIMBLE
FINCH How long have you been in the mailroom?
TWIMBLE Twenty-five years. Yep, it’s not easy to get a medal like this. It takes a combination of skill, diplomacy and bold caution.
— 25 —
— 26 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
#5 — The Company Way (To audience)
(Twimble, Finch) (TWIMBLE)
WHEN I JOINED THIS FIRM
AS A BRASH, YOUNG MAN, WELL, I SAID TO MYSELF,
“NOW, BRASH YOUNG MAN DON’T GET ANY IDEAS.” WELL, I STUCK TO THAT
AND I HAVEN’T HAD ONE IN YEARS!
(L. of TWIMBLE)
YOU PLAY IT SAFE!
FINCH
TWIMBLE
I PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY;
WHEREVER THE COMPANY PUTS ME, THERE I’LL STAY.
FINCH
BUT WHAT IS YOUR POINT OF VIEW?
TWIMBLE
I HAVE NO POINT OF VIEW,
FINCH
SUPPOSING THE COMPANY THINKS … I THINK SO TOO!
TWIMBLE FINCH
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF … I WOULDN’T SAY!
TWIMBLE FINCH
YOUR FACE IS A COMPANY FACE;
TWIMBLE
IT SMILES AT EXECUTIVES,
THEN GOES BACK IN PLACE.
FINCH
THE COMPANY FURNITURE? OH IT SUITS ME FINE.
TWIMBLE
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
FINCH
THE COMPANY LETTERHEAD IS (SO) … A VALENTINE!
TWIMBLE FINCH
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU’RE AGAINST? UNEMPLOYMENT!
TWIMBLE FINCH
WHEN THEY WANT BRILLIANT THINKING FROM EMPLOYEES;
TWIMBLE
THAT IS NO CONCERN OF MINE.
FINCH
SUPPOSE A MAN OF GENIUS MAKES SUGGESTIONS.
TWIMBLE
WATCH THAT GENIUS GET
(Points D.L.)
SUGGESTED TO RESIGN!
FINCH
SO YOU PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY;
(Crosses R. above TWIMBLE.)
TWIMBLE
ALL COMPANY POLICY IS BY ME OKAY!
FINCH
YOU’LL NEVER RISE UP TO THE (TOP) …
TWIMBLE
BUT THERE’S ONE THING CLEAR;
WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES,
I WILL STILL BE HERE!
FINCH
YOU CERTAINLY FOUND A HOME! IT’S COZY!
TWIMBLE FINCH
YOUR BRAIN IS A COMPANY BRAIN;
TWIMBLE
THE COMPANY WASHED IT AND NOW
I CAN’T COMPLAIN.
— 27 —
— 28 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
THE COMPANY MAGAZINE?
TWIMBLE
BOY, WHAT STYLE, WHAT PUNCH!
FINCH
THE COMPANY RESTAURANT?
TWIMBLE
EV’RY DAY SAME LUNCH.’
THEIR HADDOCK SANDWICH; IT’S DELICIOUS!
(Crosses L. below TWIMBLE) I MUST TRY IT.
EARLY IN THE WEEK!
(Stops dead)
FINCH
TWIMBLE FINCH
DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES? I’VE A HOBBY;
TWIMBLE
I PLAY “GIN” WITH MISTER BRATT.
FINCH
AND DO YOU PLAY IT NICELY? PLAY IT NICELY …
TWIMBLE
STILL HE BLITZES ME
IN EV’RY GAME, LIKE THAT!
WHY?
FINCH
TWIMBLE
’CAUSE I PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY,
EXECUTIVE POLICY
IS BY ME OKAY!
FINCH
HOW CAN YOU GET ANYWHERE (IN THE) …
TWIMBLE
JUNIOR, HAVE NO FEAR;
WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES, I WILL STILL BE HERE!
FINCH
YOU WILL STILL BE HERE.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
TWIMBLE
YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER FISCAL,
BOTH
NEVER TAKE A RISK-AL YEAR!
TWIMBLE Well, let’s get back to work. They may be promoting me, but till then the mail must go through. (Crosses above counter. FINCH crosses to R. of counter. BUD enters L. humming.)
Hi, Bud. How’s your mother? What mother?
(To FINCH)
BUD TWIMBLE
What mother.
(BRATT enters L. quickly with a big smile, crosses R. to TWIMBLE.)
BRATT Hello, men. Well, Twimble, it’s all set. As of today, you’re head of shipping! Thanks, Mr. Bratt.
TWIMBLE
(They shake hands.)
Now let’s talk about your successor …
(Turns to L. of BRATT)
BRATT BUD
Say, Bratt, have you heard from my uncle today? No, Bud.
BRATT
(BUD reacts with annoyance.)
Go ahead, Twimble, your shoes are going to be hard to fill, but who have you picked to fill them?
TWIMBLE Well Mr. Bratt I’ve given it a good deal of thought, pro and con. I think your man is young Finch. Congratulations, Finch. I’m going out for a smoke.
(Starts off L.)
BRATT BUD
— 29 —
— 30 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
Thanks, but I can’t accept.
(BUD stops dead. EVERYONE looks at FINCH in astonishment.)
BRATT
(Crosses R. to FINCH below TWIMBLE)
Are you turning this job down?
FINCH That’s right sir. I think there is a man who is better qualified. A man who has been here longer than I. Gentlemen, I recommend Bud Frump. BUD
(Caught off guard)
You’re kidding.
(Crosses L. to BUD)
TWIMBLE
Bud Frump?
BRATT
(Crosses L. to TWIMBLE)
Well, this is something, … I mean, surprise-wise. Well, as long as he feels that way … I’m going to call my mother and tell her.
(He exits L.)
BUD
TWIMBLE
(Crosses R. below BRATT to FINCH)
I don’t understand.
FINCH Mr. Twimble, let me explain. Knowing you has taught me a lot. (Phone RINGS.)
(Picking up phone)
Hello. Yes, J.B. This is Bratt.
(To FINCH)
It’s the big boss.
BRATT
TWIMBLE
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(He listens a moment)
BRATT
Oh, I understand your problem, J.B. Actually, we had picked someone else. B ut it’s all right, J.B. The young fellow we picked turned the job over to Bud. He thinks Bud is better qualified … No, he doesn’t seem to be out of his mind. He was explaining, about it when you called.
(To FINCH.)
Go ahead, Finch.
(C.)
FINCH
Mr. Twimble, the great thing you have taught me is that no individual is as important as the whole company.
BRATT
(Acting as a quiet voice announcer to BIGGLEY)
He says no individual is as important as the whole company.
(Crosses above TWIMBLE to his L.)
FINCH
The whole team is greater than any single player.
(To BIGGLEY)
BRATT
The whole team is greater than any single player.
(Getting louder)
FINCH
The whole crew is greater than any one oarsman.
BRATT The whole crew is greater than any one oarsman.
FINCH The whole salad is bigger than any piece of lettuce. BRATT The whole salad is … Oh, you can hear him. FINCH The whole omelette is bigger than any egg.
BRATT Isn’t that great, J.B.? Sort of chokes you up, doesn’t it? … His name? It’s Finch. (To BRATT)
F-I-N-C-H.
FINCH
— 31 —
— 32 —
HOW
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SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH looks back to TWIMBLE.)
BRATT F-I-N-C-H. Yeah, well, I’m going to keep an eye on him myself. Right. See you later, J.B. (Hangs up. Crosses R. to FINCH.)
Finch, you got me off the spot with Mr. Biggley.
FINCH
(Crosses R. above BRATT and massages his shoulders lightly)
Glad to help, Mr. Bratt. I appreciate it.
BRATT
(Shakes TWIMBLE’s hand.)
Good luck, Twimble.
(Looking at letters on counter)
FINCH
Oh, Mr. Twimble, don’t I have to take this mail to Mr. Gatch? Gatch? Gatch. Gatch. Gatch.
TWIMBLE FINCH BRATT FINCH
BRATT Say, I just remembered. Mr. Gatch is looking for a junior executive in his department. (Does his smile, then speaks)
He is?
I’m going to talk to him about you. Me? A junior executive?
FINCH
BRATT FINCH
BRATT Your generosity and thoughtfulness may prove to have been a really good thing for you. FINCH By George, ethical behavior always pays.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 33 —
BRATT
(Crosses R., arm around FINCH)
Finch, you did a very wise thing.
(TWIMBLE follows. Mail flat flies out. Mailroom slides off L. We are now in the outer office.)
FINCH That doesn’t matter to me, Mr. Bratt. I did what was right. (BUD enters from R.)
BUD
My mother was very happy
BRATT
(Addressing the office)
Boys and girls, meet the new head of the mailroom, Bud Frump.
(They all gather around and applaud.) (Crosses L. to FINCH)
Thanks, Ponty, old man. Good luck, Bud.
BUD
FINCH
BRATT Come along, Finch, I want to talk to you. (They exit off R.)
(Crosses L. to TWIMBLE C.)
BUD
He sure amazed me. I’m still wondering why he did this for me.
(Sharply)
TWIMBLE
So am I. I still think my original choice of a man was best.
(Frantic)
BUD
Now wait a minute, Twimble. Ponty okayed it. It’s just that …
(Going right on)
TWIMBLE BUD
We’ll have no reneging. I was promised the job.
— 34 —
HOW
T O
(Stamps foot on the floor)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
TWIMBLE
Wait a minute, wait a minute Bud. I’ve been here a long, time. A quarter of a century. I just want to make sure that things are done the right way.
(Dropping hands to his sides.)
BUD I know what you mean, Mr. Twimble. From now on … (Imitating TWIMBLE with his hands at his sides.)
#6 — The Company Way (Reprise)
(Bud, Twimble, Chorus)
(BUD)
I’LL PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY;
WHEREVER THE COMPANY PUTS ME THERE I’LL STAY.
(BUD and TWIMBLE both drop hands to their sides.)
ALL
WHATEVER THE COMPANY TELLS HIM, THAT HE’LL DO
(Boy DANCER salaams.)
BUD
WHATEVER MY UNCLE MAY THINK, I THINK SO TOO.
(BUD takes one step down.)
ALL
OO-OO-OO. HE’S BEAMING WITH COMPANY PRIDE;
BUD
I’VE CONQUERED THAT OVER-AMBITIOUS RAT INSIDE.
TWIMBLE
OLD BUD IS NO LONGER THE FRUMP HE USED TO BE.
BUD
I PLEDGE TO THE COMPANY SWEET CONFORMITY. HOORAY! HOORAY!
(BUD crosses L.)
ALL
BUD
I WILL SOMEDAY EARN MY MEDAL …
(ALL bow. Two BOYS form chair and GIRL dusts it.) (Applause.)
TWENTY-FIVE YEAR EMPLOYEE.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 35 —
(BUD)
I’LL SEE TO IT THAT THE MEDAL
(BUD sits on the simulated chair. GIRL comes and sits on his lap.) IS THE ONLY THING THEY’LL EVER PIN ON ME.
(BUD and GIRL rise. BUD crosses R. to Twimble.)
ALL
THE FRUMP WAY IS THE COMPANY WAY; EXECUTIVE POLICY IS BY HIM OKAY!
BUD
I’LL NEVER BE PRESIDENT BUT THERE’S ONE THING CLEAR;
(ALL lean in.)
AS LONG AS MY UNCLE CAN STAND ME, I WILL STILL BE HERE.
ALL
WE KNOW THE COMPANY MAY LIKE OR LUMP ANY MAN …
(MEN lift BUD on their shoulder.) I’m so proud!
BUD ALL
AND IF THEY CHOOSE TO,
THE COMPANY MAY DUMP ANY MAN …
BUD
I’m happy!
ALL
BUT THEY WILL NEVER DUMP FRUMP, THE COMPANY MAN, FRUMP WILL PLAY IT THE COMPANY, FRUMP WILL PLAY IT THE COMPANY,
FRUMP WILL PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY,
FRUMP!
(After number ALL crowd around BUD center stage. BRATT enters R. with FINCH and crosses to GATCH, D.R., holding a pantomime conversation.)
BUD Come on, everybody. It’s a celebration. I want to invite all of you to have lunch on me. (They applaud and start off L.) (L. of FINCH)
Boys and girls,
BRATT
— 36 —
HOW
T O
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I N
BUSINESS
(CROWD Stops.)
(BRATT) I have another announcement to make. Mr. Gatch is taking young Finch into his department as a junior executive. (They applaud and start to carry BUD off. ROSEMARY enters L.)
BUD Wait a minute! Just a minute! That lunch is Dutch. In fact, it’s canceled! Wait a minute! (They carry him off L. BRATT exits L. GATCH exits R.) (Crosses D.R. to FINCH)
ROSEMARY
Ponty, that’s wonderful, wonderful. I told you to have patience. You were right, Rosemary. Thanks.
(Crosses L. two steps)
FINCH
ROSEMARY
You should have someone around all the time to help you think things out. Maybe I should.
(Turns to him)
Ponty, I’m always available.
(Backing off a little)
FINCH
ROSEMARY FINCH
You’re sure wonderful, Rosemary. One of these days I hope I can show my appreciation and … ROSEMARY Lunch! Huh? I said lunch. What about lunch? I’d love to.
FINCH
ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Turns to her)
— 37 —
FINCH
Love to what?
ROSEMARY You said “What about lunch.” Gee, I thought you’d never ask me. (Crosses R. below him.)
Let’s see where will we go? Say, I know — There’s a little tearoom, a very cute place, called The Hungry T. It’s very reasonable. I’ll get my things and meet you right here.
(She goes R.)
(Left alone, crosses L. to C.)
FINCH
I didn’t mean “What about lunch?”, I meant “What about lunch?” I mean …
(GATCH enters with JENKINS from executive suite. They stand on riser talking. JENKINS exits U.R. GATCH sees FINCH, comes downstage.)
Say, Finch Yes, sir, Mr. Gatch.
GATCH FINCH
GATCH How’s the young junior executive feeling? Fine, Mr. Gatch, fine.
FINCH
GATCH Come on, I’ll buy you lunch in the Executive Club up on the roof. Lunch? In the Executive Club? Me?
FINCH
GATCH Sure. Now that you’re a junior exec, I can put you on my expense account. FINCH It’s a great honor, Mr. Gatch. I’ll get my coat. (He exits L.)
Okay. I’ll meet you at the elevator.
GATCH
(GATCH starts off R. ROSEMARY re-enters from R.)
Ah, Rosemary, dear, seeing you always brightens up my days.
(He puts his arms around her.)
— 38 —
HOW
T O
(Getting loose)
Please, Mr. Gatch.
(Letting her go)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
ROSEMARY
GATCH
I’ve got to stop reading Playboy.
(He exits R.)
FINCH
(Re-entering from L., now wearing suit jacket)
Rosemary, I’ve got a surprise for you. Mr. Gatch is taking me to lunch.
#7 — Rosemary’s Philosophy
(Rosemary) ROSEMARY
To lunch?
(Crosses R. below her)
Yep. How do I look? You look fine, Ponty.
FINCH
ROSEMARY
(Crosses U.L. to her takes red flower from vase, crosses back and puts it in FINCH’s lapel.)
Just fine. Have a good time. Thanks, Rosemary.
FINCH
(He starts off R., stops at side and takes out book, starts to read. ROSEMARY crosses U. and sits at third desk from center, looking after FINCH.)
BOOK VOICE If you have followed the simple instructions exactly as outlined, you should by now be a junior executive. Congratulations. Nothing can stop you now. (FINCH closes book and goes U.R. into executive suite.)
ROSEMARY
HAPPY TO KEEP HIS DINNER WARM
TILL HE COMES WEARILY HOME.
Scene 5
(BIGGLEY, seated at desk, is on phone talking to his wife.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 39 —
BIGGLEY
(On phone)
Yes, dear, yes, dear … But, dammit, Gertrude, I haven’t got time for this nonsense about Bud. I know blood is thicker than water, but Bud Frump is thicker than anything. I’ll promote him when I’m ready. Now, listen to me, Gertrude, the next time Bud complains to his mother and she calls you and you call me, you’re all fired!
(Hangs up. Intercom buzzes. BIGGLEY clicks switch, speaks gruffly.)
Yes, Miss Jones.
MISS JONES’ VOICE There’s a young lady who insists on speaking with you, Mr. B. She says it’s personal. BIGGLEY What’s she want — What’s her name? She says you’ll know.
MISS JONES’ VOICE
(Small pause, then as gruff as ever)
BIGGLEY
Oh. Well, put her on, put her on.
(Clicks intercom switch, straightens his tie, picks up phone. Then in low, intimate voice and with a strong air of mystery.)
Hello … Well, now, you knew I wouldn’t forget. I’ll take care of everything. One moment.
(Clicks intercom.)
Miss Jones, get me Bratt in personnel right away.
(Back to phone.)
You be here tomorrow. Fine. ’Bye.
(He pushes another button on phone.)
Hello, Bratt, J.B. I’d like you to do me a favor. I wonder if you could find a spot for a … a young lady. Wants to be a secretary. She’s uh … an old friend of the family’s. Her dad was a classmate of mine at Old Ivy. She’s a bright girl. Got a good head on her shoulders. Her name is LaRue. Hedy LaRue.
#8 — Hedy
(Orchestra)
— 40 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
Scene 6
(THE CORRIDOR OF THE WORLD WIDE WICKET COMPANY, same as Scene 2. As the black velour flies up, HEDY LARUE is standing stage center. She is a dish. A beautiful dish. She is dressed somewhat like a Latin Quarter showgirl who has struck it rich. Not very loud, not very bad taste, but just too much of everything. She stands perfectly poised in a statuesque pose. MEN begin to enter as though drawn by some invisible cloud of perfume. At one moment a FEW OF THEM cross the stage one after another. They seem to be totally absorbed in the papers they are carrying, then suddenly see HEDY, stop and join the GROUP that’s admiring her. BUD enters R., crosses stage L., stops dead in his tracks, turns back, talks to the group of MEN stage L., crosses below HEDY, talks to the MEN stage R., straightens his tie and crosses to the L. of HEDY.) Can I help you, honey?
BUD
(HEDY turns to look at him. She looks him over very carefully for a good long time and finally she speaks.) (With a slight regal toss of her head)
HEDY
Scram.
(MISS KRUMHOLTZ and GIRL enter R.) (After he recovers)
BUD
You don’t understand, Miss. You see, I’m Bud Frump, J.B. Biggley’s nephew.
(BOTH cross D.S.)
HEDY Oh, how do you do? I’m waiting for Mr. Bratt of Personnel. I’m a secretary. I spotted that the minute you came in.
BUD
HEDY Oh, thank you. Of course, I’m new at this and …
(BRATT enters U.L., followed by SMITTY, crosses R. to L. of HEDY.)
Miss LaRue?
BRATT
(TWO GIRLS and TWO MEN enter R.)
Yeah? I mean, yes?
HEDY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
BRATT I’m Bert Bratt, Personnel. Sorry to have kept you waiting. Oh, not at all, sir. It is I whom am late. Oh, not really.
HEDY
BRATT
HEDY Oh, yes. I was very naughty this morning. I’m still not accustomed to early arisal. (EVERYBODY reacts. OTHER OFFICE PERSONNEL enter.)
BRATT I understand. Well, if you’ll step into my office, we’ll … (He turns, bumps into SMITTY.)
Oh, sorry. This is Miss Smith, my secretary.
(Leaning, across BRATT)
How are you, dear?
Fine, dear. Uh, Mr. Bratt, Mr. Bratt! Yes, Smitty?
HEDY
SMITTY BRATT
SMITTY I have to get some new tax withholding blanks. Yes, you do that, Smitty.
BRATT
(She goes L. BRATT escorts HEDY toward his office.)
BRATT Miss LaRue, if you will just come in here with me, I’ll get your particulars. Thirty-nine, twenty-two, thirty-eight.
HEDY
(She exits U.L. through personnel door, BRATT following her.)
I win the pool.
BUD
(OTHER OFFICE PERSONNEL enter.)
Boy, isn’t she something! She sure is.
JENKINS DAVIS
— 41 —
— 42 —
HOW
T O
(BRATT re-enters.) Gentlemen, one moment please.
(MEN cross L. to Bratt.) (Crosses L. to Bratt)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BRATT JENKINS
Say, Bratt, I need a new secretary.
MAN
So do I.
BRATT Gentlemen, Miss LaRue will be assigned according to normal procedure as soon as her qualifications have been determined. I’d sure like to determine them.
JENKINS MEN
Me, too, etc., etc.
#9 — A Secretary Is Not A Toy Gentlemen …
(Bratt, Bud, Miss Krumholtz, Chorus) BRATT
GENTLEMEN
BRATT
A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY,
NO, MY BOY; NOT A TOY
TO FONDLE AND DANDLE
AND PLAYFULLY HANDLE
IN SEARCH OF SOME PUERILE JOY.
NO, A SECRETARY IS NOT
DEFINITELY NOT, A TOY.
(BRATT goes into his office U.L. ALL watch him exit.) (Crosses R.—stops)
You’re absolutely right, Mr. Bratt.
(Crosses R.—stops)
JENKINS
BUD
We wouldn’t have it any other way, Mr. Bratt.
(Crosses R.—stops)
It’s a company rule, Mr. Bratt.
JENKINS
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Exits R. ALL exit but THREE BOYS. GIRL crosses L. to R.) (C.)
THREE BOYS
A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY,
NO, MY BOY, NOT A TOY;
SO DO NOT GO JUMPING FOR JOY,
TWO BOYS
BOY.
A SECRETARY IS NOT,
A SECRETARY IS NOT, A SECRETARY IS NOT
A TOY.
TWO BOYS & FOUR GIRLS
(Crossing L.)
FOUR GIRLS
A SECRETARY IS NOT TO BE
USED FOR PLAY THERAPY.
ALL
BE GOOD TO THE GIRL YOU EMPLOY, BOY;
REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT
NEUROTIC TROUBLE YOU’VE GOT,
A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY.
(Typewriter sequence.)
SHE’S A HIGHLY SPECIALIZED KEY COMPONENT OF OPERATIONAL UNITY …
A FINE AND SENSITIVE MECHANISM TO SERVE THE OFFICE COMMUNITY.
BOYS
WITH A MOTHER AT HOME SHE SUPPORTS,
BUD
(Enters R., crosses D.C.)
AND YOU’LL FIND NOTHING LIKE HER AT F.A.O. SCHWARZ!
(Exits U.R.)
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
(Crossing R. to L. with TWO BOYS)
A SECRETARY IS NOT A PET,
NOR AN ERECTOR SET.
— 43 —
— 44 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
MISS KRUMHOLTZ & TWO BOYS
IT HAPPENED TO CHARLIE MCCOY, BOY. THEY FIRED HIM LIKE A SHOT … THE DAY THE FELLOW FORGOT
(Dance.)
A SECRETARY IS NOT … A TOY.
ALL
A SECRETARY IS NOT … A TOY.
(Exit R. and L.)
BOYS
(L. in personnel door)
AND WHEN YOU PUT HER TO USE;
OBSERVE, WHEN YOU PUT HER TO USE,
(R. in door)
BUD
THAT YOU DON’T FIND THE NAME “LIONEL” ON HER CABOOSE.
(Crossing D.C.)
THREE GIRLS
A SECRETARY IS NOT A THING
WOUND BY KEY, PULLED BY STRING. HER PAD IS TO WRITE IN
AND NOT SPEND THE NIGHT IN …
IF THAT’S WHAT YOU PLAN TO ENJOY. NO!
(Entering front L. and R.)
ALL
THE SECRETARY Y’GOT
IS DEFINITELY NOT
EMPLOYED TO DO A GAVOTTE …
OR YOU KNOW WHAT.
(ALL fade. Up.)
BEFORE YOU JUMP FOR JOY
REMEMBER THIS, MY BOY,
A SECRETARY IS NOT .
A TINKER TOY!
#9a — The Executives’ Exit
(Orchestra)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
Scene 7
(THE ELEVATOR LANDING. A bank of three elevators, two of which are practical. PEOPLE are leaving for the day, door opens)
GIRL
(Enters L. with girl friend, pushes down button)
So I said, “Just keep your hands where they belong …”
(They go into elevator stage L.)
(Enters R. with ANOTHER MAN)
MAN
So he said I’m next in line for promotion.
(They go into elevator stage L.) (Two GIRLS enter from L.)
SECOND GIRL So I said, “Just keep your hands where they belong …” (They go into elevator stage L.) (Two MEN enter from L.)
SECOND MAN So he said I’ll be head of sales in a year with a raise and … (They go into elevator stage L.) (Two GIRLS enter from R.)
THIRD GIRL So I said, “Just keep your hands where they belong …” (They go into elevator stage L.) (Two MEN enter from L.)
THIRD MAN I’m dying to see that new, production chart. (They go into elevator stage L.) (MISS KRUMHOLTZ and GIRL enter from L.)
MISS KRUMHOLTZ So, what the hell, I’m having dinner with him. (They go into elevator stage L.)
— 45 —
— 46 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH enters L., crosses to elevator as doors close in his face. He crosses to stage R. elevator and pushes down button. BIGGLEY enters R. with MISS JONES and crosses to front of elevator L. FINCH will stand on the other side of the stage, carefully listening with every ear on his head.) (Crossing to L. of C.)
BIGGLEY
Did you call my wife and say I won’t be home for dinner?
(Following him)
MISS JONES
Yes, Mr. B. By the way, you left your golf clubs in the office. Tomorrow is Saturday and you’re playing with Mr. Womper, the chairman of the board.
BIGGLEY Oh, yes. Well, I’ll be staying in town tonight so I’ll come in and pick the clubs up in the morning. MISS JONES And you asked me to remind you about your college alumni association.
BIGGLEY Oh, yeah. Well, send them the same check. I get a kick out of thinking of their faces when they get that fat check from Old Least-Likely-To-Succeed. Very well, Mr. Biggley.
MISS JONES
(TACKABERRY enters R., crosses to R. of C.)
TACKABERRY Say, J.B., there’s a phone call. Your wife. (To Tackaberry)
BIGGLEY
My wife? Dammit. I’ll take it in your office. That’s all, Miss Jones.
(He exits R. TACKABERRY follows him. MISS JONES starts off R. FINCH crosses D., stopping her.)
Oh, Miss Jones!
FINCH
MISS JONES Hello, Ponty. How’s the young junior executive?
FINCH Just fine, Miss Jones, thanks to the helpful advice I’ve been getting from you. (Crosses R.)
MISS JONES
Well, I’m glad our little talks have proven valuable.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
They sure have.
— 47 —
FINCH
(She crosses R. below FINCH.)
Oh, by the way, good luck tonight.
(Stops)
MISS JONES
Good luck?
FINCH Yes. In the bowling tournament. I hear that you’re the best bowler on the ladies’ team. (Crosses L. to FINCH)
MISS JONES
How sweet of you to be interested in a thing like that.
(Nose-to-nose)
FINCH
I’m fascinated by the hobbies of people I like.
MISS JONES Say! Would you like to come watch us bowl tonight? (Reacts, Crosses L. two steps)
FINCH
I’d love to, Miss Jones, but I should go to bed early. I’m working tomorrow.
MISS JONES On Saturday? No one around here works on Saturday. (Crosses L. to him.)
Ponty, you’re a very unusual boy. You’ll go far.
FINCH Miss Jones, that means a lot-your saying that — because you’re Mr. Biggley’s secretary and he’s the man I most want to emulate. He’s so capable and thoughtful. I heard him remembering to send a check to his old school. Harvard, isn’t it? MISS JONES Harvard? Don’t ever let J.B. hear you say that. He’s a Groundhog. But where did he go to college.? Old Ivy.
(Starts Off R.)
Old Ivy?
FINCH
MISS JONES
FINCH
— 48 —
HOW
T O
(Stops)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
MISS JONES
Of course. They’re the Groundhogs. Mr. Biggley is very proud of his old school. Well, good night, Ponty.
(Starts off R. again.)
Good night, Miss Jones.
(Stops)
Don’t work too hard. Don’t worry, I won’t.
FINCH MISS JONES FINCH
(MISS JONES exits R. ROSEMARY and SMITTY enter L. They stop when they see FINCH.)
ROSEMARY
(Crosses below SMITTY to FINCH, R. of C.)
Hello, stranger.
Oh, hi, Rosemary. Hi, Smitty.
(One step R.)
FINCH SMITTY
Hi, Ponty.
(Presses down elevator button stage R.)
Been a long day, hasn’t it? Sure has.
FINCH
ROSEMARY I haven’t seen you since you got your new job. Oh, I’ve been working pretty hard. Been a long day.
(Sudden thought)
FINCH
ROSEMARY SMITTY
Say, Rosemary, where are you having dinner tonight?
(Crosses L. below Smitty)
That depends.
ROSEMARY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 49 —
SMITTY
On what? On where I’m having dinner.
ROSEMARY
(Looks at FINCH.)
SMITTY
Huh? Oh!
(BOTH GIRLS turn U.S.)
#10 — Beeen A Long Day
(Smitty, Rosemary, Finch) SMITTY
WELL, HERE IT IS FIVE P.M.,
THE FINISH OF A LONG DAY’S WORK …
AND THERE THEY ARE, BOTH OF THEM, THE SECRETARY AND THE CLERK …
(ROSEMARY looks at FINCH. FINCH looks at her. She looks away. ROSEMARY looks at FINCH, FINCH looks away. ROSEMARY looks away.) NOT VERY WELL ACQUAINTED, NOT VERY MUCH TO SAY …
BUT I CAN HEAR THOSE TWO LITTLE MINDS TICKING AWAY.
NOW SHE’S THINKING
(Turns front)
ROSEMARY
I WONDER IF WE TAKE THE SAME BUS? AND HE’S THINKING:
SMITTY FINCH
(Turns front)
THERE COULD BE QUITE A THING BETWEEN US.
SMITTY
NOW, SHE’S THINKING:
ROSEMARY
HE REALLY IS A DEAR. AND HE’S THINKING:
SMITTY FINCH
BUT WHAT OF MY CAREER?
— 50 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
SMITTY
THEN SHE SAYS:
(ROSEMARY yawns, crosses R. to SMITTY.) AND HE SAYS:
FINCH
Err … uh …
(Crosses L. to SMITTY.)
Well it’s been a long day;
WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG,
ALL
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG DAY.
SMITTY
NOW, SHE’S THINKING:
ROSEMARY
I WISH THAT HE WERE MORE OF A FLIRT. AND HE’S THINKING:
SMITTY FINCH
I GUESS A LITTLE FLIRTING WON’T HURT.
SMITTY
NOW, SHE’S THINKING:
ROSEMARY
FOR DINNER WE COULD MEET. AND HE’S THINKING:
SMITTY FINCH
WE BOTH HAVE GOT TO EAT. THEN, SHE SAYS: ACHOO!
(Crosses R. to SMITTY) AND HE SAYS: GESUNDHEIT!
(Crosses L. to SMITTY.)
SMITTY
ROSEMARY
SMITTY FINCH
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
ROSEMARY
Thank you.
FINCH
WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG DAY, WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG,
ALL
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG DAY.
SMITTY
(Unfolds newspaper)
HEY! THERE’S A YUMMY FRIDAY SPECIAL AT STOUFFER’S;
IT’S A DOLLAR NINETY VEGETABLE PLATE.
AND ON THE BOTTOM OF THE AD …
NOT BAD …
“SERVICE FOR TWO, THREE FIFTY-EIGHT;
TO MAKE A BARGAIN, MAKE A DATE.” WONDERFUL!
ROSEMARY FINCH
IT’S FATE!
SMITTY
NOW, SHE’S THINKING:
ROSEMARY
WHAT FEMALE KIND OF TRAP COULD I SPRING? AND HE’S THINKING:
SMITTY FINCH
I MIGHT AS WELL FORGET THE WHOLE THING. NOW, SHE’S THINKING
(Crosses R. above FINCH.)
SMITTY
ROSEMARY
SUPPOSE I TAKE HIS ARM …
(Crosses R. to FINCH.)
AND HE’S THINKING:
SMITTY FINCH
WELL, REALLY, WHAT’S THE HARM?
— 51 —
— 52 —
HOW
THEN, SHE SAYS: HUNGRY?
(Pause.)
SUCCEED
T O
YEAH!
BUSINESS
SMITTY ROSEMARY SMITTY
AND HE SAYS:
YEAH!
I N
FINCH ROSEMARY
YEAH!
SMITTY ALL
WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG DAY; WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG,
BEEN A LONG, BEEN LONG, BEEN A LONG DAY.
(Elevator doors open, CHORUS sings.)
CHORUS
WELL IT’S BEEN A LONG,
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG DAY.
(ROSEMARY and FINCH enter elevator L. SMITTY enters elevator R. Elevator doors close. After song, BIGGLEY re-enters R. muttering to himself. He crosses L., pushes down elevator button.) Blithering, blathering.
BIGGLEY
(BUD enters L., carrying empty mail sack. BIGGLEY stops him, grabs him by the tie.)
BIGGLEY Dammit, you’ve been complaining to your mother again. She wants you promoted. BUD Why not? Other people are being promoted. Well, I told your Aunt Gertrude that
(HEDY enters R.)
Oh, there you … !
BIGGLEY
HEDY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Sees BUD, composes herself.)
— 53 —
(HEDY)
Good evening, Mr. Biggley.
(Crosses to R. elevator.) (Carefully businesslike)
Oh, good evening, Miss LaRue. Uncle Jasper!
(Turns to BUD)
BIGGLEY
BUD BIGGLEY
I told you never to call me that around here. I’m sorry, J.B.
BUD
BIGGLEY Now, haven’t you got something to do? BUD I was just going to get my hat and go home. Good.
BIGGLEY
(BUD goes slowly R., looking back at BIGGLEY and HEDY.)
BIGGLEY
(Pulling himself together and crossing R. to HEDY)
How do you like your new job, Miss LaRue? It’s a big, fat nothing.
HEDY
(BUD overhears this, then exits R.)
BIGGLEY Sweetheart, don’t talk that way around here.
HEDY I thought you were going to help me be a big business woman like Helena Rubinstein or Betty Crocker. So what happens? I’m stuck in the goddamn stenographic pool with no one to fish me the hell out. BIGGLEY Ssssshhh. Angel these things take time. You have to learn …
(SOMEONE crosses R. to L. and BIGGLEY suddenly switches to a loud businesslike tone.)
Yes, Miss LaRue, in a large operation like World Wide Wickets there are many multiple facets which are very important in the scheme of things.
— 54 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(BIGGLEY)
(PERSON exits L. and BIGGLEY switches back to his pleading tone.)
Hedy, I promise you …
HEDY I give up a wonderful job. Head cigarette girl at the Copa.
BIGGLEY But the surroundings. You said you hated all those men staring at you, making advances.
HEDY It’s no different around here in big business. At least at the Copa, when I got pinched, I got tipped. (Crosses R.)
Around here a girl can’t bend down to pick up a pencil with confidence.
(Crosses R. to her)
BIGGLEY
You mean someone has been bothering you? Who? Just let me know who.
(SOMEONE crosses L. to R. BIGGLEY’s voice goes up again.)
Yes! Miss, in a large operation like World Wide Facets, there are many multiple wickets which … Who pinched you?
HEDY I don’t care about that. Look, you did not keep your part of my bargain.
BIGGLEY Sweetheart! I meant every word. Tell you what, I’ll meet you at your place in ten minutes and we can talk it over. (Turns slowly to him)
No.
But, angel …
HEDY
BIGGLEY
(BUD enters R. with his hat and coat on, dressed exactly like BIGGLEY. BIGGLEY’s VOICE goes up again.)
Yes, Miss, in a large operation like World Wide Wickets, there are many multiple facets which …
(BUD crosses to elevator L., pushes down button. He straightens his tie, brushes off his coat, continues primping. BIGGLEY looks at BUD and then at his own attire, realizes they are dressed identically. Impatiently he crosses L. to BUD.)
Why don’t you go home?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
I’m waiting for the elevator. Why don’t you walk down? It’s thirty floors!
— 55 —
BUD BIGGLEY BUD BIGGLEY
(Turning his head away from BUD and speaking under his breath)
Why don’t you jump?
BUD
(Putting on his gloves and taking a look at HEDY)
Very attractive girl, Miss LaRue.
BIGGLEY Huh? Oh, yes, I guess so. I was just, uh, trying to make her feel at home. She seems to be rather a shy person. BUD
Yes. We’ll, you go ahead, J.B.
(BIGGLEY starts R.)
I’m meeting Mother for dinner.
(BIGGLEY stops dead, crosses back to BUD.)
She loves dinner with me. I tell her everything that happens all day at the office.
#11 — Been A Long Day (Reprise) (Crosses R. below BIGGLEY to C.) NOW HE’S THINKING:
(Bud, Biggley, Hedy)
(BUD) BIGGLEY
THE KID COULD REALLY PUT ME THROUGH HELL! AND SHE’S THINKING:
BUD
HEDY
THE KID COULD EVEN NAME THE HOTEL. NOW HE’S THINKING:
BUD
BIGGLEY
I WONDER IF HE’D DARE …
— 56 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
AND SHE’S THINKING:
I N
BUSINESS
BUD HEDY
THERE’S BLACKMAIL IN THE AIR. AND HE SAYS: IT’S A HOLDUP!
BUD
BIGGLEY
(Elevator R. doors open.)
AND SHE SAYS: DOWN?
BUD HEDY
BIGGLEY Wait a minute! Okay, you’re promoted. (Crosses R. below BUD to HEDY.)
WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG,
ALL
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG DAY.
(HEDY and BIGGLEY go into elevator R. Doors close. BUD crosses L.) WELL, IT’S BEEN A LONG,
BUD
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG DAY.
(Elevator L. doors open, BUD backs into elevator.) HA!
(Doors close.)
#11a — Saturday Morning
(Orchestra)
Scene 8
(THE OUTER OFFICE. Saturday morning. Desks are clean, typewriters are covered. The whole office has a fresh, clean look. Two SCRUBWOMEN with mops, etc., are just finishing up. They are smoking cigarettes.) (Looking around)
Okay, Jackie, that’s it.
FIRST SCRUBWOMAN
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(L. of C.)
SECOND SCRUBWOMAN
Yep, all spic as a span. I bet now some slob’ll come in and dirty it all up.
FIRST SCRUBWOMAN Nah, not on Sat’dy morning. Come on, let’s do the big shot’s now.
(They go into executive suite U.R. After a moment, FINCH enters from U.L. After a glance to make sure no one is around, quickly he drops topcoat on third desk, crosses D. below desks. Puts attaché case on floor. Puts papers from case on first desk and on floor around desk. Tosses adding machine cover U.S. Takes four paper coffee cups out of case and puts them on his desk. Takes ashtray and bag of cigarette butts out of case and fills ashtray, puts on desk. Puts paper bag back in case. Closes case, puts it under second desk. Unrolls adding machine tape and winds it around lamp letting it hang down on the floor. Removes jacket, puts it on chair of second desk. Loosens tie, rumples hair. Collapses in chair of first desk, head on desk as though sound asleep. BIGGLEY enters from R. and heads for executive suite. He is dressed for golf. He sees FINCH, stops dead,looks at watch, walks over to FINCH and taps him on shoulder.)
Good morning.
BIGGLEY FINCH
(Rises, crosses L. as though waking up from a nap)
Oh, is it morning already, sir?
BIGGLEY Good God, man. Have you been working all night.? (Crosses up to his desk)
FINCH
Well I had a few things to catch up on. I shouldn’t be here much longer.
BIGGLEY By George uh, I’m sorry, your name slips my mind. Finch, sir. F-I-N-C-H.
FINCH
(Sits.)
BIGGLEY Oh, yes. I’ve heard some good things about you from my scouts. Thank you, sir.
FINCH
BIGGLEY Well, Finch, it’s great to see a man in there carrying, the ball. You know, you make me feel a bit guilty. I just dropped in to pick up my golf clubs. I have to play a round today with old Wally Womper. He’s chairman of the board, you know.
— 57 —
— 58 —
HOW
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FINCH I imagine one has to do that sort of thing once in a while.
BIGGLEY Now don’t push yourself too hard, Finch. There are limits, you know. FINCH
(Bravely)
Oh, don’t worry about me, sir.
(Starts off)
BIGGLEY
I’ll just get my clubs.
(Starts up steps to executive suite. FINCH rises and begins humming melody of OLD IVY. BIGGLEY stops dead as he hears what FINCH is singing. Crosses back to FINCH.)
What’s that you’re humming?
(Stops humming)
FINCH
Huh? Oh, I didn’t realize I was humming, Sir.
BIGGLEY You were humming the Old Ivy fight song. (Does his smile, then speaks)
FINCH
I guess It was unconscious on my part.
BIGGLEY Did you go there? Were you a Groundhog.? (Hesitantly)
FINCH
Well, Sir …
(Sits.)
BIGGLEY Say it, boy! Come out with it. I know a lot of guys have an inferiority complex because they didn’t go to Yale or Princeton. You’re not ashamed of Old Ivy, are you? No, Sir, not a bit.
FINCH
(Rises.)
BIGGLEY That’s the Groundhog spirit. I should have known you were Old Ivy. What year?
(FINCH crosses D. to C., lost in thought; makes football pass motion. BIGGLEY crosses D.)
Finch, when did you graduate?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 59 —
FINCH Oh, I’m sorry, Sir. I was thinking about the big game today. I’m sorry I have to miss it. We’re playing the Chipmunks.
BIGGLEY That’s right. I can’t get up there, either. I hope those damned Chipmunks don’t give us too much trouble. FINCH Oh, I think we’ll take them, Sir. Charnowsky’s knee is much better.
BIGGLEY Oh, with Charnowsky in there the team’s morale should pick up. He’s the dirtiest player we’ve got. FINCH Well, even though we’re not there in person, we’ll be rooting for ’em. Right? BIGGLEY
Right.
#12 — Old Ivy
(Biggley, Finch) (BIGGLEY)
GRR-R-R-ROUNDHOG!
(They shake hands.)
FINCH
GR-R-R-R-R-ROUNDHOG!
BIGGLEY
(Marches down and then up)
STAND OLD IVY,
STAND FIRM AND STRONG.
(FINCH stands to the L., watching him.) GRAND OLD IVY,
HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG.
(FINCH crosses to BIGGLEY.) STAND OLD IVY
BIGGLEY & FINCH
AND NEVER YIELD.
RRR-RIP! RRR-RIP!
RRR-RIP THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD.
(On his knees)
FINCH
WHEN YOU FALL ON THE BALL,
— 60 —
HOW
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BIGGLEY
AND YOU’RE DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP,
FINCH
(Crosses R. of BIGGLEY,the bottom of the heap, drops to his knees.) DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP,
BIGGLEY
WHERE THE MUD IS, OH, SO
VERY, VERY DEEP, HEAP,
(Rises.)
FINCH
DOWN IN THE CRUDDY, MUDDY DEEP, DON’T FORGET, BOY,
BIGGLEY BOTH
THAT’S WHY THEY CALL US,
THEY CALL US GRRROUNDHOG!
GRRROUNDHOG!
(BOTH cross L.) STAND
FINCH
OLD IVY,
BIGGLEY
GRR-ROUNDHOG
GRR-ROUNDHOG
STAND FIRM
RRR-RIP, RRR-RIP,
AND STRONG.
(BOTH cross R.)
RRR-RIP THE CHIPMUNK!
GRAND OLD IVY,
GRAND OLD IVY,
STAND
GRR-ROUNDHOG!
HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG.
OLD IVY …
HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG. GRR-ROUNDHOG!
GOD BLESS YOU …
AND NEVER YIELD.
BOTH
RRR-RIP, RRR-RIP,
RRR-RIP THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD.
(R. of BIGGLEY)
I enjoyed that, sir.
FINCH
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
BIGGLEY So did I, boy. Well, I’ll go get those clubs. (Starts off chanting.)
Rip, rip, rip, the Chipmunk, off …
(Crosses U.S.R. into executive suite. FINCH goes back to his desk, reaches into his attaché case, pulls out a fairly large hunk of knitting, sits on the desk, tosses the ball of wool U.S. and begins to knit. BIGGLEY re-enters R., stops and looks at the knitting with fascination. Crosses L. to FINCH.)
What’s that you’re doing?
(Eyes closed)
FINCH
Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine. I’m sorry, I just wanted to finish this row. I guess this looks silly, sir. But I’ve always found that knitting helps me think more clearly. Well, I’ll be damned.
BIGGLEY
(Puts the clubs down against desk, crosses L. below FINCH, looks around to make sure they are alone. Confidentially to FINCH.)
I knit, too.
(Sits in chair of first desk.)
Really!
FINCH
(Rises.)
BIGGLEY Yep. It’s good for my nerves. Been doing it for years. Nobody knows but my secretary, Miss Jones. You know her. (Carefully)
Yes, I’ve met her.
(Suddenly pointing to knitting)
What’s this going to be?
Oh, I thought I’d make a …
FINCH
BIGGLEY
FINCH
(He holds up knitting on various positions.)
… a birdcage cover.
(Puts knitting on desk.)
— 61 —
— 62 —
HOW
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BIGGLEY Birdcage cover. I never made one of those. (Rises.)
But how do you like this?
(Indicates sweater he’s wearing.)
Oh, that’s beautiful, sir.
FINCH
BIGGLEY I made the covers for those golf clubs. See? Popcorn stitch. FINCH
(Takes out club, hands it to BIGGLEY. BIGGLEY sits)
You know, Mr. BIGGLEY, I feel kind of sorry for men who don’t knit. They lead empty lives. I like the way you thinch, Fink. “Think, Finch,” sir.
BIGGLEY FINCH
BIGGLEY Think, Finch — yes. Tell me, what are you heading for around here? What’s your ambition in this outfit? Bright fellow like you must have it all planned out. (Crosses R.)
FINCH
Well, Mr. Biggley, if I’m ever fortunate enough to reach a position where I have a choice, I’d like to be where they do something real …
(Crosses back.)
… something a man can get his teeth into … solid down-to-earth the advertising department.
BIGGLEY
(Rises, crosses D.S. FINCH crosses down with him)
Advertising! Son, I wouldn’t want that for an old schoolmate of mine. It’s too tough … too insecure. Why, this place has had fifteen new advertising managers in the past year alone. The poor devils disappear at the rate of about one a month. Why is that? I fire them.
FINCH
BIGGLEY
FINCH But if you got a man with ideas, he could swing it.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 63 —
BIGGLEY
(Contemptuously)
Ideas! That’s what I look for. I keep hiring men who are supposed to have brilliant ideas and not one of them will ever do what I tell him. No, son, you stick to what you’re doing. You’ll do all right there. Damned good department. By the way, where are you?
FINCH Plans and Systems. Mr. Gatch’s department.
BIGGLEY Good man, Gatch. Knows what he’s doing. You stay with him. And I’ll keep my eye on you, too.
(FINCH crosses U. to desk, gets golf clubs. BIGGLEY crosses R. FINCH crosses D.L. of BIGGLEY, hands him the golf clubs.)
FINCH Here you are, sir. Have a wonderful day. I’ve got to get this done before midnight. (Starts for desk.)
BIGGLEY
Midnight.
(FINCH stops.)
That’s the Groundhog spirit.
(Two SCRUBWOMEN enter from executive suite, stand listening at top of riser.)
#13 — Grand Old Ivy (Reprise) FINCH & BIGGLEY
GRR-ROUNDHOG! GRR-ROUNDHOG!
STAND OLD IVY,
STAND FIRM AND STRONG.
RRR-RIP, RRR-RIP,
RRR-RIP THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD.
(They go R. SCRUBWOMEN come down stairs, survey the mess) Beautiful! What was that? A college song, What college?
FIRST SCRUBWOMAN
SECOND SCRUBWOMAN FIRST SCRUBWOMAN SECOND SCRUBWOMAN
(Finch, Biggley)
— 64 —
HOW
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FIRST SCRUBWOMAN
(Picking up knitting off desk)
I’d say Vassar.
#13a — Vassar
(Orchestra)
Scene 9
(FINCH’s FIRST OFFICE. A small desk with two chairs is set in front of an air vent stage R. In the black, we hear BIGGLEY’s VOICE.)
BIGGLEY’S VOICE Hello, Bratt? This is J.B. Say, what are we running around here, a sweatshop? We’re working that boy too hard. Who? Finch! F-I-N-C-H … The poor devil worked here all weekend. I ought to know. I was there with him, working side by side. The lad needs help. Well, first of all, I want him to have an office of his own … deserves the best you have available. Oh, nothing fancy—don’t want him getting ideas. (When the LIGHTS come up, FINCH is walking around dusting and straightening things. ROSEMARY enters from R.)
Hello, Ponty.
ROSEMARY
FINCH Rosemary, come on in. How do you like it? (Crosses R. above desk.)
ROSEMARY
(Looks around, crosses L. below desk.)
Your first office. It’s beautiful.
(Sits.)
FINCH It’s not bad, considering. I did want my name on the door, but I decided not to ask because there’s no door. ROSEMARY It’s beautiful. I can only stay a minute. I just wanted to tell you that I had a good time the other night. (Sits)
FINCH
Me, too. I enjoyed the conversation. It was very … Well, I guess I talked all the time.
ROSEMARY I liked it. But — just one thing, Ponty.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Rises, crosses D.)
(ROSEMARY)
… About what happened later. I mean, when we said good night.
(FINCH rises, crosses D.R. of desk.)
It was our first date and I don’t want you to get a wrong impression of me, but … well, I guess it’s natural for a fellow to try to get a little fresh with a girl and make a pass at her, but you didn’t do anything!
FINCH
I had to get up early.
(HEDY enters R. ROSEMARY looks R. past FINCH. FINCH, realizing someone has entered, turns R. and is shocked at the sight of HEDY LARUE.)
Sir? … Miss?
HEDY
I’m Miss LaRue, honey. What can I do for you, Miss LaRue?
FINCH
HEDY A secretary was ordered to be assigned to you. I’m your assignation. (Confidentially to FINCH)
ROSEMARY
You didn’t tell me you were getting a secretary.
(Crosses L. to ROSEMARY)
I just found out myself.
Well, happy dictation, Ponty.
(She goes R. below HEDY.)
’Bye.
FINCH
ROSEMARY
HEDY
(ROSEMARY exits. FINCH straightens his jacket, bows, realizes that’s the wrong thing to do, lowers his voice.)
FINCH Now, now won’t you sit down, Miss LaRue? (Crosses R. above desk.)
Thank you.
HEDY
(She crosses L., sits, crosses her legs, revealing a great deal of same.)
— 65 —
— 66 —
HOW
T O
(After staring at her for a moment)
Now, Miss LaRue …
Oh, just call me Hedy.
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
HEDY
FINCH Well … I … I … think that perhaps in a business relationship … You’re cute. Excuse me a moment.
HEDY
FINCH
(He picks up his book, walks to corner of his office D.R. and reads.)
BOOK VOICE Choosing a secretary can be fraught with peril. Take a good look at the young lady who has been assigned to you. (BOOK VOICE stops. FINCH looks at HEDY, who is fixing her stocking. FINCH begins to read again. BOOK VOICE resumes.)
If she is so attractive that you feel things are too good to be true, be very careful. It may be that one of the big men in the company is Interested-In-Her-Career. There is a simple test for this. Check on her secretarial skill. The smaller her abilities, the bigger her Protector.
(FINCH closes book, goes to desk.)
FINCH Miss LaRue, let’s try some dictation. Take a letter. (Flips open steno pad)
Shoot!
(Crosses L. of HEDY, speaks slowly)
HEDY
FINCH
This is to Mr. Gatch … Dear Mr. Gatch …
(Crosses R Slowly.)
Pursuant to our … discussion of … Wait a minute!
(FINCH Stops.)
You trying to catch a train?
HEDY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Crosses L. of desk)
FINCH
What are you taking this down in?
HEDY Longhand. It’s safer. I make up for it when I type. Oh, you type fast?
FINCH
HEDY Like a jackrabbit. Twelve words a minute. (Sits)
FINCH
Uh … by the way, Miss LaRue ... Hedy … what was your last position.?
(After a beat)
HEDY
I was in the tobacco business. But then Mr. Biggley …
(Slams desk)
FINCH
Mr. Biggley …
(Reacts, turns front.)
HEDY He got me interested in wickets, so I matriculated myself into business school, and, well, here I am. Yes, you are, aren’t you?
FINCH
(Looks at book.)
HEDY Go ahead, dictate some more. I’m going to like this jazz. (Closes book)
FINCH
Hedy, let that letter wait for a moment.
(Hands her a folder.)
Please take this in to Mr. Gatch.
(Rises)
Mr. Gatch.
HEDY
— 67 —
— 68 —
HOW
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FINCH Uh huh. He’s my boss. Make sure you give it to Mr. Gatch himself. (She starts off L.)
Hedy …
(She stops.)
… personally. Okay, Charlie.
HEDY
(She exits L.)
#14 — Hedy’s Walk
(Orchestra)
Scene 10
(PLANS AND SYSTEMS OFFICE. LIGHT up on GATCH seated at his desk. There is another chair at the R. behind which MISS KRUMHOLTZ is standing. Door to the office is U.C. Phone rings. MISS KRUMHOLTZ picks up phone.) (R. of GATCH)
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
Hello, Mr. Gatch’s office. One moment, please.
(Turns to GATCH.)
Mr. Gatch, Mr. Finch’s secretary is outside and she’d like to see you personally.
(Puzzled)
Have her come in.
(Hangs up)
GATCH
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
I’ll get her.
(She goes C. HEDY enters, poses in doorway.) (GATCH jumps to his feet)
HEDY
Mr. Gatch?
(Crosses L. to desk.) (Startled)
Yes.?
GATCH
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 69 —
HEDY I’m Mr. Finch’s secretary. He asked me to give you this.
(She drops folder on the desk, starts off. Her whole manner is very seductive. GATCH follows, stops her.)
Say, what are you doing tonight?
GATCH
HEDY I’ve got a date with my gentleman friend.
GATCH
(Grabs HEDY)
Oh, come on. You’re in the big time now. Don’t fool around with small fry.
#14a — Onward and Upward
(Orchestra)
(BLACKOUT. Phone RINGS in the dark. DIM UP immediately. FINCH is seated at GATCH’s desk. He’s sitting back in the chair as though he has had this job forever. There is a smug look on his face, and a slight smile. MISS KRUMHOLTZ is on stage.) (Picking up phone)
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
Hello, Mr. Finch’s office. One moment.
(Hands him phone.)
It’s for you. Production.
(She goes U.C.) (Into phone)
FINCH
Hello, Finch speaking. Oh, yes.
(Rises.)
I’m running Plans and Systems now. Huh? Mr. Gatch? Oh, he’s been transferred to one of our out of town offices … Venezuela.
#14b — Girlsville
(Orchestra)
Scene 11
(TRAVELER. A corridor somewhere in the World Wide Wicket Building. There are two foliage units D.S., L. and R. BRATT and TACKABERRY enter R. JENKINS enters L.)
— 70 —
HOW
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BRATT
(Stopping JENKINS L. of C.)
Say, Jenkins, I was just going, to call you. We’re getting a new vice president in charge of advertising. Another one? Who is it this time?
JENKINS
BRATT A fellow by the name of Ovington. Benjamin Burton Daniel Ovington. JENKINS
(Thinking)
B.B.D.O.
BRATT I’ll bet that’s why Biggley hired him. Anyway, we’re giving him a reception tonight. (R. of BRATT)
TACKABERRY
In the Executive Club on the roof. I wonder how long this guy’ll last?
JENKINS
BRATT I don’t know, but we’re giving him the full treatment. You can ask your secretary to come. We’re inviting some of the executive secretaries to act as hostesses. Okay, Bratt.
JENKINS
(JENKINS goes R. BRATT and TACKABERRY go L.)
B.B.D.O.
BRATT
(They exit L. ROSEMARY enters R. SMITTY and GIRL come on from L.)
SMITTY
(Stopping ROSEMARY L. of C. GIRL exits R.)
Rosemary, I had lunch without you. Where have you been?
ROSEMARY Smitty, I’ve been made secretary to the new advertising manager. Oh good. What’s he like?
SMITTY
ROSEMARY Oh, I don’t care about him, but this means that I’m invited to the reception this evening, and Ponty will be there, too. Smitty, I’ve been dreaming of a chance like this. Ponty has never seen me all dressed up … you know, glamorous.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Holds up box.)
— 71 —
(ROSEMARY)
Do you know what this is?
SMITTY
Your lunch?
ROSEMARY Smitty, this is the answer to how to succeed with Finch. A new dress. It’s just beautiful. SMITTY I hope it works. Good luck, Rosemary. (They embrace. She starts R.)
Thanks, Smitty.
ROSEMARY SMITTY
(R. of C.)
You know, I think maybe I’ll get a new dress for tonight, too.
ROSEMARY Good idea. I hope you’re very popular at the party, Smitty.
SMITTY Maybe I will be, at that. I’m thinking of starting a secret rumor that I’m a nymphomaniac.
(She exits R. ROSEMARY looks after her then looks at the box, hugs it and sings.)
#15 — Paris Original (Holds up dress box)
(Rosemary, Smitty, Miss Jones, Girls) ROSEMARY
I SLIPPED OUT THIS AFTERNOON
AND BOUGHT SOME LOVE INSURANCE,
(Hugs dress box.)
A MOST EXCLUSIVE DRESS FROM GAY PAREE.
IT’S SLEEK AND CHIC AND MAGNIFIQUE,
WITH SEX BEYOND ENDURANCE.
IT’S ME! IT’S ME! IT’S ABSOLUTELY ME!
AND WHY?
ONE GUY!
(Holds dress box out.)
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL
I’M WEARING TONIGHT;
I’M WEARING TONIGHT
’SPECIALLY FOR HIM.
— 72 —
HOW
T O
(Crosses R. crosses back L. to C.)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(ROSEMARY)
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL’S
ALL PAID FOR AND MINE. I MUST LOOK DIVINE
’SPECIALLY FOR HIM.
(Kisses the box. Crosses L. strumming dress box like guitar.) SUDDENLY HE WILL SEE ME,
AND SUDDENLY HE’LL GO DREAMY,
AND BLAME IT ALL
ON HIS OWN MASCULINE WHIM. NEVER KNOWING THAT …
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL,
SO TEMPTINGLY TIGHT,
I’M WEARING TONIGHT ’SPECIALLY FOR HIM
(Starts off L.)
FOR HIM FOR HIM.
(She exits L.)
Scene 12
(THE ROOF. The MUSIC continues as we open on a pretty terrace at cocktail time. There are tables with big umbrellas and assorted terrace furniture. The party hasn’t started yet. ROSEMARY enters immediately U.L. from stair unit. She has changed into her new dress. She is now wearing her Paris original. She crosses D.C. and continues singing.) FOR HIM,
(ROSEMARY)
FOR HIM.
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL
I’M WEARING TONIGHT …
(FIRST GIRL enters R. wearing same dress.) SHE’S WEARING TONIGHT
AND I COULD SPIT!
(BOTH look at each other.)
SOME IRRESPONSIBLE DRESS MANUFACTURER
(GIRL crosses L. of ROSEMARY.)
JUST DIDN’T PLAY FAIR.
(Looks at girl.)
I’M ONE OF A PAIR
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
ROSEMARY & GIRL
AND I COULD …
(MISS KRUMHOLTZ enters L. wearing same dress.) (Crosses R.)
OH, NO!
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL,
ALL SLINKY WITH SIN …
(ANOTHER GIRL enters R. wearing same dress, leans against portal.) ALREADY SLUNK IN
(GIRL exits, R.)
AND I COULD DIE.
(MISS KRUMHOLTZ turns, crosses U.C. sees ROSEMARY and FIRST GIRL.)
ROSEMARY & GIRL
AND I COULD KILL HER.
ALL THREE
AND I COULD—
(SMITTY enters R. wearing same dress.)
SMITTY
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL,
TRÈS SEXY, N’EST–CE PAS?
(Looks U.C., sees THREE GIRLS.)
GODDAMMIT — VOILÀ! AND I COULD SPIT!
ALL FOUR
(More GIRLS enter from all sides dressed alike. ALL GIRLS cover their eyes and cross D. to front of stage, look R. MISS JONES enters R. wearing same dress.)
MISS JONES
Girls!
ALL
OH!
THIRTY-NINE BUCKS I HAND OUT
FOR SOMETHING TO MAKE ME STAND OUT,
AND SUDDENLY I’VE GONE
INTO MIMEOGRAPH … SOME LAUGH!
MISS JONES
— 73 —
— 74 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
(ALL line up across stage.)
I N
BUSINESS
ALL
THIS IRRESISTIBLE PARIS ORIGINAL,
THIS MASS-PRODUCED CRIME, I’M WEARING TONIGHT
FOR THE VERY LAST TIME!
(After number, GIRLS mill around stage R. MEN enter from U.L., looking around confused as they see all the girls dressed alike. HEDY enters D.L., poses by portal. She is wearing the same dress. MEN cross L. to her and whistle.) What a dress!
(In disgust)
MEN
GIRLS
Oh!
(They drift U.S. BUD enters from, L., stops by HEDY.)
Hedy, will you have a drink?
(Dignified)
BUD
HEDY
I never touch anything alcoholic before five p.m.
(Looking at his watch)
BUD
It’s ten after five.
(MEN cross away.)
Which way is the booze? Right over here.
HEDY BUD
(Two WAITERS push a rolling bar on L. below stair unit.)
I’ll have a double Martini.
HEDY
(She and BUD go to bar U.L. ROSEMARY starts off R. FINCH enters from D.R., crosses to ROSEMARY, stopping her. BIGGLEY enters from U.L. from stairway with OVINGTON, BRATT and TACKABERRY.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(On stair unit)
BIGGLEY
Here he is, boys and girls.
(Crosses D.C. They surround OVINGTON, shake hands, etc. OVINGTON crosses D.R. of BIGGLEY. BRATT crosses to his L., followed by TACKABERRY.)
You know our advertising department has been in trouble for a long time. But I think we now have a fellow who is going to help put World Wide Wickets back on top. Mr. Benjamin Burton Daniel Ovington.
(ALL applaud.)
(R. of BIGGLEY)
OVINGTON
Thanks, boys and girls. I just want to say that I’m proud to be joining the World Wide Wicket family. I don’t know very much about wickets, but I do know about advertising. My theory of advertising can be summed up in one sentence: “Shove it down their throats with a soft sell.” Good sound thinking. And I’d like to say that …
BIGGLEY
OVINGTON
(Crosses D.L. from bar. BUD follows)
HEDY
Benjamin Burton Daniel Ovington. What the hell kind of name is that ?
(BIGGLEY whispers something to BRATT. BRATT crosses L. to HEDY.)
But I’d like to say that …
(BIGGLEY stops him.)
Say, Bud …
(To BRATT)
OVINGTON BRATT HEDY
You call this a double Martini? There’s only one olive in it. I’d like to say …
OVINGTON
(BIGGLEY stops him.)
BRATT Bud, J.B. says for you to take Miss LaRue home. She doesn’t seem to be feeling well. I’m feeling fine!
HEDY
— 75 —
— 76 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
#16 — The Company Way (A la Dance Band)
(Orchestra)
BUD
You feel terrible.
(As he starts to take her off, HEDY pulls free crosses R. to FINCH.)
Hey, Finchy, let’s dance. And I’d like to say …
HEDY
OVINGTON
(BIGGLEY stops him again.)
FINCH
(Grabbing ROSEMARY)
I’m already dancing, with Rosemary.
(He and ROSEMARY do a few steps.)
BIGGLEY
Everybody dance!
(Turns, takes MISS JONES to his L., begins to dance.)
Furthermore, I’d like to …
OVINGTON
(GIRL grabs him and they start dancing. GROUP starts to dance. BUD tries to take HEDY away again. She kicks him.)
Ouch!
BUD
(HEDY disappears into group dancing, with BUD following.)
Come on, Hedy. No games.
(He comes out of crowd, dragging SMITTY by the hand, crossing D.L.)
Come on Hedy, J.B. wants me to take you … Bud, you must have heard the rumor!
SMITTY
(BUD sees he has the wrong girl, groans, dives back into dancing group, calling after HEDY.)
#16a — The Executive Landing
(Orchestra)
Scene 13
(ELEVATOR LANDING. Stage R. elevator door opens. BUD and HEDY come out. Door closes behind them.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
Wow! That elevator made me dizzy. Come on Hedy.
(They both start crossing L.)
What I need is a shower. J.B. wants me to take you home.
(Tries to take her stage R.)
(Resisting, crossing L. with him)
— 77 —
HEDY BUD HEDY BUD HEDY
No. I’m going to J.B.’s office. He has a private shower. I’ll take a shower and then come back to the party.
(Starts dance step.)
Okay, Hedy, have a nice shower. Thanks, Bud.
BUD HEDY
(Pinches his check.)
You know, you’re cute. Not as cute as Finch, but you’re cute.
(She exits L.)
Not as cute as Finch!
BUD
(He stands there thinking for a moment. MAN enters from R., crosses to stage R. elevator door, pushes up button. BUD crosses R. to man.)
#17 — Elevator Dance Going up to the party, Pete? Yeah.
(Orchestra) (BUD) MAN
BUD Will you tell Mr. Finch I want to see him down here. (Elevator door opens.)
Tell him it’s important. Okay.
MAN
— 78 —
HOW
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(Elevator door closes. BUD, left alone, now starts a dance.)
BUD
(Humming)
De da da dum, la da de de … Old sexy Hedy is in there, taking a shower …
(Dances.)
And I’ve got a little something up my sleeve. … Ole’!
(Dances.)
That’s going to put little old Finchy right out on his …
(Kicks floor with heel. Dance is interrupted by elevator stage R. door opening. FINCH comes out.)
Oh, hello., Finch.
What’s this all about, Bud?
FINCH
(Crosses L. to BUD.)
BUD J.B. wants you to go to his office. He’ll meet you there. (Puzzled)
FINCH
But I just saw him. He didn’t say anything.
BUD I guess he didn’t want to say anything in front of Ovington. You know how it goes around here with advertising managers. (Crosses L. below BUD)
FINCH
Do you think your uncle is considering … ?
BUD I don’t know anything. I only know I was told to tell you to go to his office. FINCH Well, I’ve never seen his office, anyway. Thanks, Bud. (He goes L.)
You’re welcome. Now to get my uncle.
BUD
(BUD goes into routine consisting of the following: As he crosses, he sings.)
Good-bye, Finchy — Hello, Uncle Jasper
(He breaks into a wild samba and leaps O.S.R.)
Ole’!
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#17a — Ethereal Grandeur
— 79 —
(Orchestra)
Scene 14
(J.B. BIGGLEY’s OFFICE. A very beautiful, lush office. Two sofas on either side of the large center window. Desk and big high-backed chair C. There is also a small anteroom D.L. with a secretary’s desk visible to the audience. There is a door panel to enter BIGGLEY’s office L. above secretary’s desk. In the main office there is a door U.R. leading to the private bath and shower. On rise no one is on stage. FINCH enters D.L., enters through anteroom door, walks into BIGGLEY’s office. He has never been in here before and his attitude shows it. He looks around in admiration and awe. Crosses above desk R. Feels the sofa, touches the glass on the window C., slides his hand over the top of the chair, swings chair around to face audience. This is what he would like to have himself someday. He sits in chair.) (Addressing the world at large)
FINCH
Someday, someday …
(Bathroom door U.R. opens slowly. HEDY appears. FINCH doesn’t see her. He is sitting in the chair and lost in his dreams. HEDY sneaks above desk to L. side of the chair, puts her hands over his eyes.)
Guess who?
(Feels behind him)
Mr. Biggley?
(Dropping her hands)
No, it’s me!
(Rises, turns, looks startled)
HEDY
FINCH
HEDY
FINCH
Oh, hi, Hedy. I was supposed to meet Mr. Biggley here.
HEDY Mr. Biggley? He’s not coming. Somebody gave you a bum steer. FINCH I should have known it was a rib. Well, I’d better
(Starts for door L., but HEDY crosses D. between him and the door.)
What’s your hurry?
HEDY
— 80 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I think I’d better get back to the party. It’s more fun down here. Well, I think I’d better.
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH HEDY FINCH
HEDY You’re anxious to get back to that Rosemary, huh? Are you stuck on her? (Crosses to C.)
FINCH
Rosemary? Oh, she and I are just good friends.
(Crosses R. to him)
HEDY
That’s very sensible. An up-and-coming young chap like you shouldn’t be tied down. I’ve been watching you, buster.
(She smacks him in the stomach.)
You’re going places.
(Crosses L. two steps.)
Venezuela. Look, Hedy …
FINCH
HEDY Wouldn’t J.B. die if he walked in and found you kissing me? Frankly, I’d rather he didn’t. Come on, let’s try it. Uh uh.
FINCH HEDY FINCH
HEDY You’d better, Finch. If you don’t kiss me, I’ll tell J.B. you did. Okay. Just once.
FINCH
(FINCH sits in chair C. HEDY sits in his lap, kisses him. After kiss, harp glissando is played. FINCH then tries to rise but collapses from aftermath of kiss. “Rosemary” theme is now heard, played by Trumpet.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#18 — Rosemary (Half-singing) (Rises.)
— 81 —
(Finch, Rosemary) FINCH
ROSEMARY!
HEDY
Huh?
(Orchestra Trumpet plays C Major theme.)
FINCH
(Crosses R.)
Can’t you hear it?
(Half-singing.)
ROSEMARY!
Rosemary? That kiss … What about that kiss? Rosemary!
HEDY FINCH HEDY FINCH
HEDY It is highly insulting to think of two broads in the middle of one kiss. FINCH I’m sorry, Hedy, but something happened to me. I can’t explain … HEDY
(Points at him)
Finch. You are in love.
(Loud crescendo of “ROSEMARY” theme.) (Takes front, stunned)
FINCH
That’s right! Finch is in love! It’s like music all around me. Like a symphony. I must have been in love ever since she took my particulars.
(Crosses R. to him)
And you found this out by kissing me?
HEDY
— 82 —
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FINCH
Yes, Hedy.
HEDY
I don’t know my own strength.
(She goes U.R. into bathroom. FINCH raises his arms, about to conduct invisible orchestra. He indicates downbeat.)
FINCH
SUDDENLY THERE IS MUSIC
IN THE SOUND OF YOUR NAME …
(Looks around.) (Crosses R.)
ROSEMARY ROSEMARY
(Crosses D.R.)
WAS THE MELODY LOCKED INSIDE ME, TILL AT LAST OUT IT CAME … ROSEMARY!
(Crosses D.L.)
ROSEMARY,
(Crosses to C.)
JUST IMAGINE IF WE KISSED, WHAT A CRESCENDO
(Raises his hand high, closes eyes, slowly drops hand.) (Crosses R.)
NOT TO BE MISSED.
AS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFETIME PROGRAM,
GIVE ME MORE OF THE SAME …
(Falls and rolls on floor.)
ROSEMARY.
ROSEMARY,
THERE IS WONDERFUL MUSIC
IN THE VERY SOUND OF YOUR NAME.
(Stays on floor D.R.)
ROSEMARY
(Enters L. through anteroom and crosses R. to edge of desk)
Ponty, I heard Bud Frump talking at the party. Where is she?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
FINCH
(Rises, crosses L. to her)
Rosemary, something wonderful has happened. What are you talking about?
ROSEMARY
Can’t you hear it? Can’t you hear it?
(Sings)
FINCH
SUDDENLY THERE IS MUSIC
IN THE SOUND OF YOUR NAME …
I can’t hear a thing.
(Spoken)
ROSEMARY FINCH
ROSEMARY …
Just listen. It’s all around me, like a beautiful pink sky …
(Crosses R. to him)
ROSEMARY
Now look here, J. Pierrepont Finch, have you lost your mind?
FINCH Rosemary, darling, will you marry J. Pierrepont Finch? Now I hear it! I hear it!
ROSEMARY
(Crosses L.)
I hear it! I hear it!
(Sings)
SUDDENLY THERE IS MUSIC
IN THE SOUND OF YOUR NAME …
(FINCH crosses R.)
J. PIERREPONT.
(They both cross to each other C.)
FINCH
ROSEMARY, JUST IMAGINE
IF WE KISSED …
WHAT A CRESCENDO …
(They kiss, hold it while piano concerto is played. At end of concerto, they break kiss, remain holding hands, turn front.)
— 83 —
— 84 —
HOW
T O
NOT TO BE MISSED.
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BOTH FINCH
AS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFETIME
PROGRAM GIVE ME MORE OF THE SAME …
(They both cross R.) ROSEMARY.
FINCH
ROSEMARY
J. PIERREPONT,
J. PIERREPONT.
(BOTH cross L. of C.)
J. PIERREPONT,
ROSEMARY,
BOTH
THERE IS WONDERFUL MUSIC
IN THE VERY SOUND OF YOUR NAME.
(After song they embrace.) (R. of ROSEMARY)
FINCH
Oh honey, I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to get ahead that I never …
(HEDY re-enters U.R., wearing nothing but a big towel. ROSEMARY sees her but FINCH doesn’t. ROSEMARY now looks very carefully at FINCH as he talks.)
… realized. It’s as though I’m seeing you for the first time.
(Coldly)
ROSEMARY
And I’m seeing you for the first time. You have on two different kinds of lipstick. Mine …
(Points to HEDY.)
… and hers.
(Crosses R. to HEDY, startled)
FINCH
Rosemary, this is very easily explained.
(Crosses L. to below chair.)
You don’t understand.
(Crosses L.)
ROSEMARY
Yes, I do. Well, don’t let me keep you. Go on. Go back to making love to her. Kiss her again. Take her home for the weekend. I don’t care!
(She turns and walks out L.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Turns to HEDY)
What will I do?
Let’s do what she said.
FINCH
HEDY
(ROSEMARY stops in anteroom as she sees something offstage L.)
Oh oh!
ROSEMARY
(She comes rushing back, crosses below FINCH to L. of HEDY, addresses HEDY.)
Get back in there.
I have nothing to hide. Yes, you have, and keep it hidden.
HEDY ROSEMARY
(HEDY goes through U.R. door. ROSEMARY crosses D. to FINCH, looks at him.)
You snake. Now kiss me.
(She grabs him. They kiss and hold it. BIGGLEY and BUD enter L. in anteroom. BUD goes L., looking satisfied that his plan has been put into action. BIGGLEY enters office, crosses R. to FINCH and ROSEMARY, stops dead as he sees ROSEMARY, not HEDY, in clinch with FINCH.)
Oh I’m sorry. I thought …
(They separate and look at him.)
Uh …
BIGGLEY
FINCH
ROSEMARY Oh, it’s my fault, Mr. Biggley. I insisted that Mr. Finch show me your office. (Recovering)
BIGGLEY
I see. Well, actually, I just came in to wash up.
(He starts U. above desk for bath room U.R. As BIGGLEY goes above desk, ROSEMARY swiftly beats him to it. FINCH crosses L. of desk to watch.) (At bathroom door)
Excuse me.
(Slams door.)
ROSEMARY
— 85 —
— 86 —
HOW
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BIGGLEY
(Faces closed door in a puzzled manner. He turns back, crosses D. to R. of FINCH)
Finch, I owe you an apology You do? For what?
FINCH
BIGGLEY Never mind. However, I want you to know I still do not approve of what you were doing when I walked in. I do not care for anything like that between executives and their secretaries. FINCH But Miss Pilkington is not my secretary. Oh, yes. Good point.
BIGGLEY
(Crosses L. below FINCH, starting off. FINCH counters to R. of C. BRATT and OVINGTON enter from anteroom D.L.)
BRATT We figured you might be here, J.B. We’ve been waiting for you. (Crosses D.L. of BIGGLEY)
I haven’t finished my speech yet. You made a fine speech.
OVINGTON
BIGGLEY
FINCH Yes, you did, Mr. Ovington. Very good speech. (Crosses L.)
BRATT Ovington, this is Mr. Finch of Plans and Systems. How do you do, Mr. Ovington. How do you do?
FINCH
OVINGTON
(He and FINCH shake hands.)
FINCH I didn’t get a chance to tell you at the party, Mr. Ovington but I’m very interested in advertising and I’ve read a lot about you in Fortune Magazine. Some wonderful stuff. Thank you.
OVINGTON
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 87 —
FINCH By the way, Mr. Biggley, did you know that Mr. Ovington was an All-American halfback at college? (Crosses R.)
BIGGLEY Is that so? Where did you play, Ovington?
OVINGTON The greatest little college in the world — Northern State. (He and FINCH exchange glances)
BIGGLEY
A chipmunk!
(Crosses R. to FINCH, but keeps looking at OVINGTON. FINCH looks front and smiles.)
OVINGTON I sure am a Chipmunk. Did you see the way we murdered the Groundhogs last Saturday?
BIGGLEY Ovington, I’m not a bigot. I’ve hired men from all colleges — Tigers, Bulldogs, Trojans, Gophers, Badgers — but never, never a Chipmunk!
(BRATT crosses R. to OVINGTON, takes out a pen and resignation form from pocket and offers it to OVINGTON to sign.)
Your resignation is accepted.
(OVINGTON signs resignation. BIGGLEY and FINCH sing:)
#19 — Rip The Chipmunk RIP! RRR-RIP!
(Biggley, Finch) BIGGLEY & FINCH
RRR-RIP THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD.
(OVINGTON starts off L., stops, turns.)
OVINGTON
CHIPMUNK RAH, CHIPMUNK RAH,
CHIP CHIP CHIP CHIP CHIPMUNK!
(He exits L. through anteroom and off.) (Crosses D.C.)
That was a narrow squeak.
BIGGLEY
— 88 —
HOW
T O
It was a big shock to me.
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
BIGGLEY Finch, it’s a good thing you’re on the ball when it comes to advertising. (Crosses R. to BIGGLEY)
BRATT
Say, J.B., what are we going to do for a new advertising manager?
BIGGLEY Finch, maybe it’s Fate that you happen to be here at this very moment. (Crosses R. to FINCH.)
You’ve always wanted this rotten job. Do you think you could handle it?
(Crosses R. two steps)
I don’t know, sir.
(To BRATT)
FINCH
BIGGLEY
If there’s one thing I admire in a, man, it’s humility.
(BRATT looks away. To FINCH.)
Finch, I’m making you vice president in charge of advertising. Me? A vice president.?
FINCH
BRATT J.B., I don’t want to question your decision. Finch is very bright, but he’s rather inexperienced and … I like him. I like him.
BIGGLEY BRATT
(Throws up hands in resignation.)
BIGGLEY I think we’ve hit on something here, Bratt. This boy is loaded with great ideas. Ideas? Tell us some of them, Finch.
BRATT
FINCH Well, I haven’t had time to figure them …
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(Quickly cutting in)
BIGGLEY
Come on, Finch.
(Crosses one Step R.)
Where are those ideas? Well, sir, I … Put up or shut up, son.
FINCH BIGGLEY
Well, the thing is …
FINCH
BIGGLEY Get on the ball or you’ll be out of here like a shot.
FINCH But, sir, I’d like to be able to give you a clear-cut campaign (Crossing R. to FINCH)
BRATT
Say, J.B., the Plans Board is meeting day after tomorrow. Finch can tell us all his ideas then.
BIGGLEY Fine. Finch, you’ve got forty-eight hours to make an advertising presentation. (Starts off L. with BRATT, stops and turns to FINCH.)
Better get going, Finch. You’re now a vice president in full charge of advertising and, frankly, up to now I’m pretty dissatisfied with your work.
(He and BRATT exit L.)
FINCH I don’t care what happens. I’m a vice president. Vice President Finch. (Crosses U.L. to desk, picks up phone.)
Hello, get me the stationery shop downstairs. Hello, this is Mr. Finch. Remember those cards I spoke to you about last week? Go ahead and print them right away.
(Hangs up.)
Now let’s see what.
(Suddenly remembers girls, calls.)
Oh, girls, you can come out now.
(HEDY and ROSEMARY come out. HEDY is now back in her Paris original dress.)
Thanks, Rosemary.
(Crosses L. above desk, starting off.)
HEDY
— 89 —
— 90 —
HOW
T O
(Crosses R.)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH
Rosemary, I’ve got a surprise for you. I’ve been made a vice president.
(Stops)
HEDY
Congratulations. Can I be your secretary?
FINCH Gee, I’d love that, Hedy, but Rosemary is going to be my secretary. (ROSEMARY turns her back to FINCH.)
I’ll go back to the steno pool.
HEDY
(She goes L., stops in anteroom.)
Guess I’ll wait for that pigeon till after he’s married.
(She exits of L.)
FINCH
(Crosses R., taps ROSEMARY on shoulder)
Rosemary?
(Still turned away)
ROSEMARY
I’m going to be your secretary?
(Turns to him.)
FINCH Sure. You were Mr. Ovington’s secretary … (Crosses L.)
… and now I’m taking over his whole department.
(Crosses L. to him)
ROSEMARY
And what makes you think I’d be your secretary. I’d rather die.
FINCH Rosemary, you must. You have to. I’m in charge of advertising now. You know what a tough job that is. I can only do it if I have your help. Rosemary, I need you. You do?
ROSEMARY
(FINCH nods yes. She thinks for a moment.)
Well, in that case … All right, I’ll be your secretary.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 91 —
FINCH
Wonderful. Now let’s get to work.
(Starts off L.)
ROSEMARY Just like that? Haven’t you forgotten something? FINCH
Oh, yeah.
(Stops, crosses back to desk, picks up phone.)
Hello, operator. Who paints names on office doors? Finch, aren’t you going to kiss me? Kiss you? I can’t. Why not?
ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY
FINCH You’re my secretary. Wait a minute, Rosemary. (Into phone.)
Hello, name painter?
#20 — Finale Act One
(Rosemary, Finch, Bud)
(ROSEMARY turns front.)
ROSEMARY “Wait a minute, Rosemary. Hello, name painter?”
(BUD enters D.L., opens door and sticks head into office to eavesdrop.)
FINCH This is Mr. Finch. I want my name on my door in gold leaf. BUD
Oh!
(Collapses, holding onto door.) J. PIERREPONT FINCH
J. PIERREPONT!
FINCH
ROSEMARY
SUDDENLY THERE IS MUSIC … ALL CAPITALS!
FINCH
— 92 —
HOW
SUCCEED
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I N
BUSINESS
ROSEMARY
IN THE SOUND OF MY NAME … YES , BLOCK LETTERS!
FINCH
JAY PIERREPONT!
FINCH
VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING F-I-N-C-H.
ROSEMARY
ROSEMARY …
(Crosses R.)
ROSEMARY. ALL OF MY LIFETIME
THE USUAL SPELLING … JAY PIERREPONT …
(Hangs up phone.)
MORE OF THE SAME. REMEMBER ME,
BOY, WHEN YOU OWN DOOR …
ROSEMARY?
HAPPENED TO
THERE IS
THERE IS
WONDERFUL MUSIC
WONDERFUL MUSIC
SOUND OF YOUR NAME.
END OF ACT ONE
VICE PRESIDENT!
THERE MUST BE A WAY TO STOP HIM,
THERE MUST BE! THERE MUST!
JAY PIERREPONT … JAY PIERREPONT …
(Crosses U.R.)
WHATEVER
IN THE VERY
(By door D.L.)
PROGRAM WILL BE
ROSEMARY … SEE IT ON YOUR
BUD
I CAN’T STAND IT.
(Sits.) (Rises.)
(Crosses D.R.)
IN THE VERY
SOUND OF YOUR NAME.
I WILL RETURN! I WILL RETURN!
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#21 — Entr’acte
— 93 —
(Orchestra)
ACT TWO Scene 1
#22 — Opening Act 2
(Orchestra)
(THE OUTER OFFICE. All of the OFFICE GIRLS, including SMITTY, are sitting around, gossiping. BUD FRUMP is standing L. of C. below row of desks, crosses R. to TACKABERRY, who is standing R. of C. with TOYNBEE. He whispers something to them, they exit R. BRATT enters U.R. from the executive suite, crosses D.R. of C. BUD turns, crosses L. to him and whispers something to him. BRATT crosses L. and exits. JENKINS enters L., BUD crosses to him stopping him L. of C. and whispers to him. The GIRLS U.S. have been observing the above business. SMITTY, C., crosses R. to MISS KRUMHOLTZ. They both cross D., observing Frump and Jenkins stage R.)
SMITTY There’s sure a lot of whispering going on today.
MISS KRUMHOLTZ It’s the Merchandise Mafia at work. (BUD and JENKINS exit L.)
Ever since Finch became a vice president, they’ve all been scared out of their wits. When’s the big meeting.?
SMITTY It’s set for this afternoon. I hope Ponty comes up with something.
(ROSEMARY enters U.R. from the executive suite. She is dressed for departure: hat, bag, etc. SMITTY crosses to her. MISS KRUMHOLTZ crosses U. to the girls at the desks.)
Where are you going?
(C.)
Home. At ten o’clock in the morning? I’ve resigned. I’m quitting.
ROSEMARY
SMITTY ROSEMARY
SMITTY Nonsense. You’ve been threatening that all week. This time it’s official.
(Crosses R.)
ROSEMARY
I left a letter of resignation on his desk. Wait till he reads it.
— 94 —
HOW
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SMITTY
(Crosses R.)
But, uh …
ROSEMARY Smitty, I just can’t take it any more. I don’t mind a person ignoring me completely as long as he pays a little attention. (Crosses R.)
Smitty, he doesn’t need me.
SMITTY
(Crosses R.)
He did tell you he loved you and that he wanted to marry you.
(THREE GIRLS drift down to hear the conversation.)
ROSEMARY Sssshh, Smitty, that was supposed to be a secret. SMITTY Oh, don’t worry. I haven’t told anybody. (L. of SMITTY)
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
What’s the matter? Rosemary is resigning from Finch.
(L. of MISS KRUMHOLTZ)
SMITTY FIRST GIRL
But I thought he was going to marry her.
(L. of FIRST GIRL)
That’s what I thought. Me, too.
SECOND GIRL
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
(SMITTY crosses L., trying to shush the GIRLS as ROSEMARY crosses L. to SMITTY, looks at her accusingly.) (Apologetically)
I only told the girls.
(To GIRLS.)
Don’t worry. She will forgive him.
SMITTY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 95 —
ROSEMARY
Never!
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
(Takes ROSEMARY U.S. to second desk from C.)
Aw, you got to.
SMITTY
(Crosses U. to L. of ROSEMARY)
Look, Rosemary, there’s one thing you can’t overlook — that’s loyalty. I’ve been very loyal to him.
ROSEMARY
SMITTY I don’t mean to him. I mean to us … us girls. That’s right. Sure. Uh huh. Etc.
GIRLS
#23 — Cinderella, Darling
(Smitty, Rosemary, Girls) SMITTY
HOW OFTEN DOES IT HAPPEN THAT A SECRETARY’S BOSS
WANTS TO MARRY ’ER? HALLELUJAH!
GIRLS SMITTY
HOW OFTEN DOES THE DREAM COME TRUE
WITHOUT A SIGN OF CONFLICT OR BARRIER? HALLELUJAH!
GIRLS
SMITTY
WHY TREAT A MAN LIKE HE WAS A TYPHOID CARRIER?
HOW OFTEN CAN YOU FLY
FROM THIS LAND OF CARBON PAPER
(FOUR GIRLS cross D.L.)
TO THE LAND OF FLOWER’D CHINTZ? HALLELUJAH!
GIRLS
SMITTY
HOW OFTEN DOES A CINDERELLA
GET A CRACK AT THE PRINCE?
— 96 —
HOW
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GIRLS
CINDERELLA AND THE PRINCE!
ROSEMARY Cinderella? Wait, a minute. I’m no Cinderella. I’ve got eighty-five dollars in the bank and a savings bond.
SMITTY It’s not a matter of money. He’s a vice president. That makes him automatically a prince. True? GIRLS
True?
MISS KRUMHOLTZ So, you’re automatically a Cinderella. A GIRL
See?
(Shoves wastepaper basket on ROSEMARY’s foot as a glass slipper.)
Don’t you realize …
(Sings)
SMITTY
YOU’RE A REAL, LIVE FAIRY TALE; A SYMBOL DIVINE.
SO, IF NOT FOR YOUR OWN SAKE,
PLEASE, DARLING, FOR MINE.
GIRLS
AND MINE,
AND MINE,
AND MINE.
DON’T, DON’T, DON’T,
CINDERELLA, DARLING,
DON’T TURN DOWN THE PRINCE!
SMITTY
DON’T REWRITE YOUR STORY;
(Crosses D.L.)
YOU’RE THE LEGEND, THE FOLKLORE,
THE WORKING GIRL’S DREAM OF GLORY!
(ROSEMARY crosses D.C. GIRLS gather around.)
ALL
WE WERE RAISED ON YOU, DARLING,
AND WE’VE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE.
(They back away.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
ALL
DON’T MESS UP A MAJOR MIRACLE, DON’T, CINDERELLA,
(They all cross to ROSEMARY.)
DON’T TURN DOWN THE PRINCE.
(GIRL takes wastebasket off her foot.)
SMITTY
OH, LET US LIVE IT WITH YOU, EACH HOUR OF EACH DAY.
FIRST GIRL
ON FROM BERGDORF GOODMAN …
SECOND GIRL
TO ELIZABETH ARDEN …
THIRD GIRL
IN THE STATION WAGON …
FOURTH GIRL
HURRY FROM TWENTY-ONE …
FIFTH GIRL
TO THE TARRYTOWN P.T.A.
No. New Rochelle!
ROSEMARY
NEW ROCHELLE P.T.A., PLEASE!
GIRLS SMITTY
OH, DO NOT LEAVE US MINUS, PLEASE!
GIRLS
SMITTY
OUR VICARIOUS BONUS, PLEASE!
GIRLS
(DANCER takes box of tissues from desk, crosses D. and places a tissue on ROSEMARY’s head. ANOTHER DANCER folds piece of paper as flower bouquet, hands it to ROSEMARY.)
SMITTY
WE WANT TO SEE HIS HIGHNESS PLEASE!
GIRLS
— 97 —
— 98 —
HOW
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BUSINESS
SMITTY
(ALL kneel)
MARRIED TO YOUR LOWNESS.
AH
GIRLS SMITTY
ON YOU, CINDERELLA, SITS THE ONUS, AH
GIRLS
SMITTY
SO WHEN YOU NAME THE HAPPY DAY,
(They rise.)
PLEASE PHONE US,
ALL
PHONE US!
BUT DON’T, DON’T, DON’T,
CINDERELLA, DARLING,
(Cross R.)
DON’T TURN DOWN THE PRINCE.
SMITTY
WHY SPOIL OUR ENJOYMENT; YOU’RE THE FABLE,
THE SYMBOL OF GLORIFIED UNEMPLOYMENT!
(They line up on either side of ROSEMARY.)
ALL
WE WERE RAISED ON YOU, DARLING,
(ALL close in and hug her.)
AND WE’VE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE.
DON’T LOUSE UP OUR FAV’RITE FAIRY TALE;
DON’T, CINDERELLA,
(ALL back away.)
DON’T, DON’T, DON’T;
DON’T, CINDERELLA,
DON’T, DON’T, DON’T;
DON’T, CINDERELLA,
DON’T! DON’T TURN DOWN THE PRINCE!
ROSEMARY All right I’ll give him one more chance.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
HALLELUJAH!
ALL
Scene 2
(FINCH’S NEW ADVERTISING OFFICE. On rise an overhanging special light picks FINCH up at his desk. FINCH is reading the book.)
BOOK VOICE So you are now a vice president. You have climbed the ladder of success rung, by painful rung, until you have almost reached the top. You have done beautifully. Unless you are vice president in charge of advertising. In that case you are in terrible trouble. There is only one thing that can save you. You must get. a brilliant idea. The quickest way to get ideas is to develop them. That is, you must examine the undeveloped, worthless notions of others and add to them that extra something that makes the idea your own. An undeveloped notion may come from the least likely source. Be alert! You never know who will bring it to you. (BUD enters L.)
Hi, Ponty. Hello, Bud.
BUD FINCH
(Rises.)
BUD Sorry I busted in, but there was no one outside. (Looking around, crosses R. to FINCH’s desk.)
First time I’ve seen your new office.
(Peeks at what is on FINCH’s desk. FINCH quickly turns over papers.)
Quite a layout. My favorite style — Chinese Provincial.
(Crosses L., Sits.)
I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here.
(Crosses D.R. of desk)
Frankly, yes.
(Rises, crosses R.)
FINCH BUD
Ponty, I want you and me to be friends. You know, smokum peacepipe. You’ve never liked me.
(Crosses L. towards BUD)
Oh, Bud …
FINCH
— 99 —
— 100 —
HOW
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BUD Don’t deny it. It’s true, and I don’t blame you. I’ve been a no-good back-biting fink. Oh, Bud, that’s a bit strong. How would you put it? I guess your way is best. Well I’d like to change all that.
FINCH BUD FINCH BUD
(Crosses R. to FINCH)
Now I know you’re stuck for an idea, and I was thinking …
FINCH Now wait a minute, Bud. I am not stuck. (Going on)
BUD
I was thinking that give-away shows are going to come back and … I don’t need anyone else’s ideas and …
FINCH
(Sudden take.)
What was that?
(Very casual)
BUD
Well, I have this idea for a give-away program. It’s called the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt. We hide a thousand dollar savings bond somewhere and every week on television we give clues as to where it is.
(Puts script into FINCH’s hands.)
Look, as you say, you don’t need an idea, but let me leave this with you and if you get a chance, look it over. Because the meeting’s in a few little while. I mean it’s soon.
(Draws finger across throat. Starts off L.)
Uh, Bud …
FINCH
(BUD stops.)
What did your uncle say when you told him about this?
BUD I haven’t told it to him, Ponty. If I brought it to him, he wouldn’t listen. That’s why I brought it to you.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
You haven’t told it to your uncle? No, Ponty.
— 101 —
FINCH BUD
(Crosses R. to FINCH, reaches for manuscript.)
Look, if you’re’ not interested …
(Keeping script)
FINCH
Well, Bud, the idea doesn’t give me much nourishment but maybe I’ll give it a bit of a think-think. Feel free to use it.
BUD
(He starts L., stops and sings.)
#24 — I Have Returned
(He goes L.)
I HAVE RETURNED.
(Bud) (BUD)
FINCH
(Left alone, looks at manuscript carefully, crosses above desk)
Treasure hunt. Could be. A thousand dollar bond. This thing needs some kind of a new twist.
(ROSEMARY enters L.)
ROSEMARY Ponty, I’m back. I changed my mind. (Crosses R. to R. of C.) (Still lost in thought)
Oh, Miss Pilkington.
(Crosses R. to desk)
FINCH
ROSEMARY
I don’t blame you for being cold to me. But I did change my mind.
FINCH
(Crosses back above desk, still preoccupied with manuscript)
About what?
— 102 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
About what I said in the letter. What letter? My letter of resignation. Your resignation from what? The Girl Scouts of America. Oh. Don’t you understand?
I N
BUSINESS
ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY
(She picks up letter of resignation from desk, shows it to him slams it down, then crosses L. by settee.)
I’ve quit, resigned, left you forever! Why are you doing that?
(Yelling)
FINCH ROSEMARY
Because I was hurt, humiliated, ignored, upset!
FINCH
(Startled)
Who did that to you? You.
ROSEMARY
FINCH Me. It couldn’t have been me. I haven’t said ten words to you all week. (ROSEMARY stares at him.)
True? True.
ROSEMARY
(She sits on settee.)
Good. Now listen, Miss Pilkington.
FINCH
ROSEMARY Must you call me that? Can’t you call me Rosemary?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
FINCH No. And I want you to call me Mr. Finch, until you’re Mrs. Finch. (Dreamy smile)
Am I really going to be Mrs. Finch?
(Crosses L. below desk to her)
ROSEMARY
FINCH
Oh, come on. I thought that was all settled. I keep thinking maybe you forgot.
ROSEMARY
FINCH Well, I haven’t. You’re going to be Mrs. Finch because we’re going to be married. Now, may we discuss some serious matters? Oh, sure.
ROSEMARY
FINCH Miss Pilkington, I have something I want you to hear. (Crosses R. above desk.)
I have finally come up with a new idea for a television program. I’m thinking of calling it the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt.
(Crosses to C.)
The prize would be a thousand dollar bond. Do you think that’s enough?
(ROSEMARY looks at him raptly, doesn’t answer. FINCH crosses L. to her.)
Maybe we ought to make that twenty-five thousand dollars. Listen carefully, Rosemary.
(Crosses to C.)
What would you say if we gave away a hundred thousand dollars?
(She doesn’t answer. He crosses to her at settee.)
Two hundred thousand?
ROSEMARY I don’t care if you give away the whole company. I love you. FINCH
(Stares at her, then looks front with a happy smile on his face)
Say that again. I love you.
ROSEMARY
— 103 —
— 104 —
HOW
No, before that.
(Puzzled)
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH ROSEMARY
I said I don’t care if you give away the whole company.
FINCH
(Crosses R.)
That’s it! We’ll give away the company. What a prize! Oh, I don’t mean the whole company.
(Crosses R. below desk.)
I mean stock. In the company. Nobody could resist that these days. I’ve got to have time to work this out. I’ve got to speak to Mr. Biggley.
(He picks up phone. ROSEMARY rises, crosses to him.)
He’s got to give me a postponement.
(Hangs up.)
No, I’ll go see him. Good luck, Mr. Finch. Thank you, Miss Pilkington.
(He starts off L.)
Say …
ROSEMARY FINCH
ROSEMARY
(He stops and looks at her.)
What about taking me to lunch? Nobody has to see us.
(Reprovingly)
Miss Pilkington.
(With a smile)
I’m sorry, Mr. Finch.
FINCH
ROSEMARY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#25 — Happy to Keep His Dinner Warm (Reprise) (He exits L.)
— 105 —
(Rosemary)
ROSEMARY
OH, TO BE LOVED BY A MAN WITH A GOAL,
TO WATCH AS HE CLIMBS
WITH A PURPOSE IN LIFE AND PURITY OF SOUL. OH, TO BE THERE IN A CORNER OF HIS MIND; DARLING, ABSENT MIND … SUCH HEAVEN …
(Crosses L. to settee.)
WEARING THE WIFELY UNIFORM
WHILE HE GOES ONWARD AND UPWARD.
(Sits on settee.)
HAPPY TO KEEP HIS DINNER WARM
TILL HE COMES WEARILY HOME FROM DOWNTOWN.
(Rides off on settee.)
#25a — Knitorama
(Orchestra)
Scene 3
(BIGGLEY’S OFFICE. BIGGLEY is sitting at desk, knitting. HEDY enters from L., heads for door to inner office. She goes in, goes to BIGGLEY, stares at hims and at the knitting.) (L. of BIGGLEY)
Are you pregnant or something?
(Startled, drops knitting, rises)
HEDY
BIGGLEY
Huh? Oh, I was just uh … uh … checking on some new plastic yarn … Hedy, I told you never to …
(BUD has walked in behind HEDY. BIGGLEY suddenly sees him.)
What the hell do you want?
(HEDY crosses U.S. to C., looks out window.)
BUD J.B., you remember that television idea I once told you about … the treasure hunt?
— 106 —
HOW
(Crosses L. to BUD)
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BIGGLEY
I told you what I thought of that treasure hunt.
BUD I just wanted to remind you that you didn’t like it.
(He exits L. BIGGLEY opens door, looks around. HEDY crosses D.R., waiting impatiently. BIGGLEY closes door, crosses D.R. below desk to HEDY.)
BIGGLEY Darling, I’ve told you that during office hours I can’t meet with you.
HEDY I did not intend to embarrass you. I just came for a business purpose. Business?
BIGGLEY
HEDY I wish to tender you with my resignation.
BIGGLEY Your resignation? What are you going to do?
HEDY I’m on my way to Los Angeles. I’ve been offered a very suitable position there. BIGGLEY Los Angeles? Hedy, you can’t. Tell me what this is all about.
HEDY I just got a letter from a girl friend. She’s working for a big cosmetic firm out there. She demonstrates skin creams (Horrified)
BIGGLEY
Skin creams …
HEDY Yes. In all those big glamorous department stores. And she can get me a job. BIGGLEY That’s undignified. You can’t run around demonstrating some fake goo. (Indignant)
HEDY
It is not a fake. It’s a very fine skin cream called Dermoblast. Do you know what it’s made from? Please, don’t tell me. It’s made from sharkbelly jelly.
BIGGLEY HEDY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 107 —
BIGGLEY I was afraid of that. You said you wanted a career. What kind of a future is there in sharkbellies? HEDY More than there is around here. Not a single guy around here will use me as his secretary. (Crosses R.)
They stay away from me like I had an extremely tropical disease. Hedy, if you could just be patient.
BIGGLEY
HEDY No. I’ve made up my mind. Bon voyage. (She starts Off L.)
Well, good luck, dear.
(Sits in chair C.) (Stops, turns)
BIGGLEY
HEDY
Huh?
BIGGLEY I’ll manage somehow. Only how will I spend those lonely nights? You could stay home.
HEDY
BIGGLEY I can’t stay home. I’m a married man. Oh, you’ll do all right. Hedy, I can’t live without you.
(Crosses R. to BIGGLEY)
You mean that?
(Rises, crosses D.C.)
HEDY
BIGGLEY HEDY
BIGGLEY
Of course I do. I know I seem to have everything. Old rich J.B. Biggley. Old Moneybags. People come to me with treasure hunts. My day is spent talking money. And what does it all mean? Nothing. Hedy, nothing means anything without you.
— 108 —
HOW
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I N
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#26 —Love From A Heart of Gold (Crosses D.C. to his L.)
(Biggley, Hedy) HEDY
Now wait a minute. Don’t start getting sincere. That’s not fair.
BIGGLEY
WHERE WILL I FIND A TREASURE
LIKE THE LOVE FROM A HEART OF GOLD;
(Reaches over and holds HEDY’s hand.)
EVER TRUSTING AND SWEET, AND AWAITING MY PLEASURE;
(Lets go of her hand.)
RAIN OR SHINE … HOT OR COLD …
WEALTH FAR BEYOND ALL MEASURE,
MAYBE HERE IN MY HANDS I HOLD.
(HEDY turns U.S., takes out handkerchief.)
AH, BUT WHERE WILL I FIND
THAT ONE TREASURE OF TREASURES,
THE LOVE FROM A HEART OF GOLD.
(She turns to him)
HEDY
I never knew you felt that way.
BIGGLEY No one knows this, but I’m extremely emotional. Goddammit, so am I.
HEDY
WHERE WILL I FIND A TREASURE
LIKE THE LOVE FROM A HEART OF GOLD;
EVER TRUSTING AND SWEET
AND AWAITING MY PLEASURE;
RAIN OR SHINE
RAIN OR SHINE … HOT OR COLD … HOT OR COLD …
BIGGLEY HEDY BIGGLEY HEDY
WEALTH FAR BEYOND ALL MEASURE,
MAYBE SOON IN MY HANDS I’LL HOLD.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 109 —
(HEDY)
AH, BUT WHERE WILL I FIND
THAT ONE TREASURE OF TREASURES,
(BIGGLEY’s pince-nez drops off.)
BOTH
THE LOVE FROM A HEART OF GOLD.
(Head to head)
BIGGLEY
I knew you’d understand.
HEDY Oh, I do, I do. You know, I have an idea that might solve everything. What? Why don’t I be your secretary?
BIGGLEY HEDY
BIGGLEY You’re out of your mind. I mean, I have Miss Jones. (Crosses U., sits down. She follows up to his L.)
HEDY I could assist Miss Jones. I could learn a lot from her. Hmmmmmm.
BIGGLEY HEDY
(Walking quickly to door L. and opening it)
You don’t want me as your secretary.
(FINCH enters stage L. He stops below door and hears that something private is going on.) (Rises, stops her)
Wait, Hedy just be patient.
(Very sweetly)
BIGGLEY HEDY
All right, dear. I’ll be patient.
(Changes tone.)
I’ll give you twenty-four hours. After that it’s goodbye Wickets, Hello, Dermoblast.
(Exits through door.)
But, Hedy.
BIGGLEY
— 110 —
HOW
T O
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I N
BUSINESS
(He slumps in his chair, turns it U.S. TRAVELER CLOSES. HEDY crosses D. and sees FINCH, who has crossed L. of C.)
HEDY
Hi, Finchy.
(Crosses R. to him.)
I should be very angry with you, Cutie-Pie.
(Pinches his cheek)
FINCH Hello, Hedy. Where’s Miss Jones? I wanted to see Mr. Biggley. HEDY He’s not doing anything. You can go in. (Starts off R, crossing below FINCH.)
Say, Hedy …
FINCH
(She stops.)
Are you quitting? Unless I hear otherwise to the contrary.
(Crosses to HEDY)
Maybe we can help each other. Good. Let’s bust out together.
HEDY
FINCH HEDY
FINCH I’ve got a different idea. Hedy, I’d like to talk to you alone. Let’s see, where could we go? Let’s go to my place. This is business. Okay, then let’s go to your place. Uh …
HEDY
FINCH HEDY FINCH
HEDY Tell you what, take me out and buy me lunch. What about one o’clock? Meet you downstairs. Well, I … Do you want to talk or don’t you?
FINCH HEDY
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(After a pause)
— 111 —
FINCH
Okay. But we’d better meet around the corner.
(Starts off L.)
HEDY
Gotcha, cutie! Chicken … !
(She exits L. as FINCH starts for BIGGLEY’s office door.)
#26a — The Lunch Date
(Orchestra)
Scene 4
(MEN’S WASHROOM OF THE WORLD WIDE WICKET COMPANY. There is a row of nine sinks D.S. and frames representing mirrors. BRATT, at third sink from L., and DAVIS, at third sink from R., are washing their hands at sinks. Phone U.S.L. wall RINGS twice. BRATT shakes water off his hands, goes to phone, picks it up.) (At phone)
BRATT
Hello, executive washroom. Yeah, I’m down here. What? The meeting’s at four-thirty. Come on down. We’ll make plans.
(Hangs up, goes back to sink. TOYNBEE enters L.)
Big meeting’s today, huh?
TOYNBEE
(Crosses U. and hangs coat on hook U.S.) (Looking at watch)
BRATT
Yeah.
(TACKABERRY enters L., crosses R. JENKINS follows him on, crosses to last sink L.)
TACKABERRY Hear anything about what Finch is planning? (Crosses U. and hangs coat on hook U.S.)
BRATT J.B. gave him a postponement, so he must have something. You know, fellows, I’m really beginning to get a little scared of Finch. (L.)
JENKINS
Me, too. If we don’t stop him pretty soon …
(Shakes his head.)
— 112 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BRATT He’ll probably have us all working in the mailroom. (BUD enters L.)
BUD
Hi, men.
(Crosses R. to C. OTHER MEN greet him.)
Hear anything, Bud?
TACKABERRY
BUD Chaps, our worries are over. Finch is going ahead with … well, believe me, he’s dead-dead-dead. And I’m so happy I could cry. That’s very pleasant news.
TACKABERRY
BRATT I don’t know. Finch has a way of bouncing. I wouldn’t believe he was dead if I read his obituary. (Crosses L. to BRATT)
BUD
Ordinarily I’d agree with you. Finch is very smart. But don’t forget he’s now in advertising. And that does something to men’s brains.
(Suddenly stops, looks offstage L.)
Oh oh.
(Crosses R. to second sink, speaks casually.)
Has anybody seen my Wildroot Cream Oil?
(FINCH enters L., crosses to C. sink. MEN have resumed washing.)
Hiyah, men. All set for the big meeting?
FINCH
BRATT
(BUD crosses U.R. and hangs up his coat. JENKINS crosses U.L. and hangs up his coat. They cross back to their respective sinks.)
FINCH Could be, could be. Wish me luck, men. Good luck.
ALL
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#27 —I Believe In You
— 113 —
(Finch, Men)
GOTTA STOP THAT MAN,
MEN
I GOTTA STOP THAT MAN COLD … OR HE’LL STOP ME.
(ALL smile at FINCH. FINCH crosses U. and hangs his coat on hook U.C.) BIG DEAL, BIG ROCKET,
THINKS HE HAS THE WORLD IN HIS POCKET.
GOTTA STOP, GOTTA STOP, GOTTA STOP THAT MAN, THAT MAN.
(All MEN fade U. S. FINCH crosses D. to C. sink, looks at himself in the mirror facing the audience.) NOW, THERE YOU ARE,
FINCH
YES, THERE’S THAT FACE;
THAT FACE THAT SOMEHOW I TRUST.
IT MAY EMBARRASS YOU TO HEAR ME SAY IT, BUT SAY IT I MUST, SAY IT I MUST!
YOU HAVE THE COOL, CLEAR EYES OF A
SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH;
YET THERE’S THAT UPTURNED CHIN,
AND THE GRIN OF IMPETUOUS YOUTH.
(Crosses L.)
OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU, I BELIEVE IN YOU. I HEAR THE SOUND OF GOOD, SOLID
(Picks up bar of soap.)
JUDGMENT WHENEVER YOU TALK;
YET, THERE’S THE BOLD, BRAVE SPRING OF THE
TIGER THAT QUICKENS YOUR WALK.
(Crosses R. to C. sink.)
OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU, I BELIEVE IN YOU.
(Washes hands.)
AND WHEN MY FAITH IN MY FELLOW MAN
ALL BUT FALLS APART;
I’VE BUT TO FEEL YOUR HAND GRASPING MINE,
AND I TAKE HEART, I TAKE HEART …
TO SEE THE COOL, CLEAR EYES OF A
(Crosses L., picks up towel from last sink.)
SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH;
— 114 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
(Crosses R. to C. sink.)
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH)
YET, WITH THE SLAM, BANG, TANG
REMINISCENT OF GIN AND VERMOUTH, OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU, OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU.
MEN
(Putting on coats U.S.)
GOTTA STOP THAT MAN,
(MEN cross D. to sinks.)
GOTTA STOP THAT MAN …
(MEN hold and freeze for a beat. FINCH picks up electric razor and begins to shave.) OR HE’LL STOP ME.
BIG WHEEL, BIG BEAVER,
BOILING HOT WITH FRONT OFFICE FEVER.
GOTTA STOP, GOTTA STOP, GOTTA STOP THAT MAN.
(FINCH stops shaving.)
OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU,
FINCH MEN
DON’T LET HIM BE SUCH A HERO. I BELIEVE IN YOU …
FINCH MEN
STOP THAT MAN, GOTTA STOP HIM,
(Looking in mirror)
FINCH
YOU …
MEN
STOP THAT MAN, GOTTA STOP HIM, YOU …
FINCH MEN
STOP THAT MAN, GOTTA STOP THAT MAN!
(ALL look at FINCH. After applause:)
GOTTA STOP THAT MAN,
(ALL cross L. toward last sink. FINCH crosses U. and gets coat.). I’VE GOTTA STOP THAT MAN COLD …
OR HE’LL STOP ME.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(MEN exit L.) (Crosses D. to C. sink)
— 115 —
FINCH
I BELIEVE IN YOU,
(He walks off L.)
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
#27a — Into Board Room
(Orchestra)
Scene 5
(THE BOARDROOM. In the dark we hear BOOK VOICE over the speaker.)
BOOK VOICE The farmer spends his time in the fields, the laborer at his machine, and the businessman at meetings.
(LIGHTS dim up revealing the boardroom. We hear ORGAN MUSIC playing offstage. There is a large table with three cone-shaped chairs on either side and one U.S. for BIGGLEY. There is a backdrop containing various charts and maps. TACKABERRY, DAVIS, BUD, BRATT, JENKINS and TOYNBEE enter from L. TACKABERRY and DAVIS cross and stand behind two D.L. chairs. BUD crosses to third chair, but BRATT pushes him aside and takes his place. BUD crosses above table to the first chair U.S.R. JENKINS follows him, pushes him D.S. to the next chair. TOYNBEE, behind JENKINS, pushes BUD to the last and only remaining chair D.R. They all remain standing behind chairs. The atmosphere is that of a hushed cathedral. BIGGLEY enters L. carrying a folder, crosses to U.S.C. chair. Then he nods to the MEN, he sits, they follow suit. ORGAN MUSIC fades out.)
Gentlemen.
BIGGLEY
(Looking around.)
Where’s Finch?
(Seated L. of BIGGLEY)
BRATT
Not here yet, sir.
BIGGLEY We’ll start without him. We have a lot of other business to take care of before we come to Finch’s presentation. (Pull out papers. They all are very attentive. Looking at paper:)
Bratt …
— 116 —
HOW
T O
(Jumps to attention)
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
BRATT
Yes, J.B.?
BIGGLEY That stuff you recommended for my crabgrass doesn’t work at all. BRATT I can’t understand it, J.B. It worked beautifully on my lawn. BIGGLEY My lawn is a mess. Better come up with something new. Right, J.B.
(Seated D.R.)
BRATT BUD
We never have any trouble with crabgrass at our place. What do you use? Cement.
BIGGLEY BUD
(They all look at him.)
Sorry, J.B. Just a little joke.
BIGGLEY Gentlemen, you will excuse my nephew. It’s a combination of youth, high spirits and extreme stupidity ... Now, let’s see … (His phone BUZZES. He picks up phone.)
Yes? Oh. We’ve been waiting for him. Send him in.
(Hangs up.)
It’s Finch.
(They all look offstage expectantly. Two OFFICE Boys enter L. carrying an easel. They cross D.L. of C. The title chart reads “A Finch Presentation.” FINCH follows from, L., crosses U. to R. of BIGGLEY.) (To EXECUTIVES)
FINCH
Gentlemen, I’d like to present my new approach to Wicket advertising. It’s based on an idea which, in my humble opinion, is brilliant. Sounds promising. Proceed, Finch.
BIGGLEY
(FINCH clicks cricket. MEN remove title chart, disclosing a painting of Mt. Vesuvius.)
What the hell is that?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 117 —
FINCH A picture of Mount Vesuvius in eruption. That gives you an idea of the impact our new television show is going to have. Now, J.B., an example …
(Clicks cricket. MEN turn down picture, reveal copy of cover of Time with BIGGLEY’s picture on it.)
… of the kind of national publicity you can look forward to.
BUD
(Seeing cover of Time)
Oh, God!
FINCH
The cover of Time.
(Clicks cricket. MEN disclose cover of Newsweek with BIGGLEY’s picture on it.)
The cover of Newsweek.
(Clicks cricket. MEN disclose cover of Sports Illustrated with BIGGLEY and his golf outfit.)
And finally, J.B., the Golfer of the Year.
(EXECUTIVES react.)
Very interesting.
(Getting down to serious business)
BIGGLEY FINCH
Now …
(MEN disclose large map. SECOND MAN then exits D.L. to pick up toy rocket for use later in presentation.)
This is a map of the potential wicket market, divided into social, geographic and ethnic groups. It shows how we will make deep penetration and overwhelming saturation in those areas where resistance has long been peakiest.
(FIRST MAN flips card, revealing sales chart with red line going sharply downward.)
I like this thinking.
(Crosses L. to easel)
BIGGLEY FINCH
Thank you. Now here is a sales chart of the past fiscal year …
(Crosses R. to table.)
… which reflects the disastrous effect of our former advertising policy in terms of per capita consumption of wickets.
(Crosses D.L. of easel.)
Note the sharp decline from normal regularity. Down, down, down.
— 118 —
HOW
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I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH turns L., reaches into wings. MAN hands him toy rocket. He crosses R. to table, puts rocket down.)
(FINCH) And this is what’s going to happen to our sales when we finally get going, as we will. (Releases toy rocket, shooting it into the air.)
Up, up, up!
(Crosses D.L. of easel, turns sales chart on side so that sales line curves upward.)
And there you are.
(He flips last card over with the aid of the FIRST OFFICE BOY, revealing an enlarged photo of FINCH’s face with the words “The End” underneath. He then shakes hands with the FIRST OFFICE BOY, then crosses U. to L. of BIGGLEY. SECOND OFFICE BOY enters L., crosses to easel and BOTH MEN exit with easel L.)
BIGGLEY Finch, I think you’ve done it. Very good. BUD
(Rapping on table)
Could I ask a question, J.B.?
(FINCH crosses above table to D.R. of BUD.)
Yes.
BIGGLEY
What is his idea?
BUD
BIGGLEY You heard. A television show that will give us penetration and peak reaction. Sounds great, Finch. Great! Doesn’t it, men? Hmmmmm. But what’s the idea for the show?
MEN BUD
BIGGLEY I don’t see why you have to be so damned negative. The only things you ever come up with are lousy ideas like treasure hunts. (BUD turns to look at FINCH. FINCH looks at him.)
All right, Finch, what is the idea for the show? I don’t think I’m going to tell it to you.
(Crosses U. to R. of BIGGLEY.)
FINCH
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
What do you mean?
— 119 —
BIGGLEY
FINCH You know, J.B., I’ve always thought of you as a man of breadth and vision … open to new ideas. But now I don’t know. I’m thrown. By what?
BIGGLEY
FINCH The way you just spoke to Bud about his idea for a treasure hunt. You dismissed it. The fact is, there are treasure hunts and treasure hunts. When Bud brought it to me, I thought it was a rotten idea, too. (Crosses D.R.)
I should hope so.
(Crosses L. to C. of table)
BIGGLEY FINCH
But then I remembered something. J.B., you know an idea in itself is nothing. It’s the development that counts. Leonardo da Vinci drew some sketches for a flying machine, but it took American know-how to develop them into the Boeing 707.
(Crosses U.L. of BIGGLEY.)
A man named Gatling once invented a little machine gun, but it took a mighty brain to take this simple little machine gun and develop it into a great program like …
(Slams table.)
“The Untouchables.” When I thought of that, Bud’s silly little idea became a challenge to me, and I said, “I’m going to take this idea of Bud Frump’s and de-frump it.” First of all, my treasure is not a bond, and it’s not money. It’s stock. Stock! Fifty thousand shares of stock. Stock? In our company?
MEN
FINCH BIGGLEY
FINCH These days people like stock better than money.
BRATT How can we issue fifty thousand extra shares of stock? (MEN react.)
— 120 —
HOW
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(Turns to BRATT)
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FINCH
That’s no problem. It’s a simple matter of taking the convertible debentures from the sinking fund, issuing stock options which are exchangeable for rights, which we then convert into nonvoting common and replace with warrants. Tell me that again. I can’t. It can’t be done, J.B. It can’t be done.
BRATT FINCH
JENKINS BIGGLEY
FINCH But if it could, wouldn’t it create a tremendous excitement? But it can’t be done. But if it could. But it can’t.
BIGGLEY FINCH BIGGLEY
FINCH But if it could, J.B., just for a moment say it could be done, what’s your answer? I forgot the question. You can’t give away stock!
BIGGLEY BRATT
(MEN react.)
FINCH We give away stock dividends, don’t we? Please, let me go on with my presentation. (FINCH crosses D.L., calls offstage.)
We’re ready.
Finch, I hate give-away shows.
BIGGLEY
FINCH So do I, J.B. But the public always loves them. I tell you, anybody who comes up with a new unrigged, unfixed way to give away something for nothing is going to clean up. And I have that new twist. Gentlemen, the World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 121 —
(HEDY enters from L., crosses to table below FINCH. She is dressed in a pirate costume which is very, very abbreviated. She has a patch over one eye, and looks great. MEN react.) (Staring, rises)
What is this?
(L. of HEDY)
BIGGLEY
FINCH
This, J.B., is the secret ingredient. The thing that will take the country by storm. I’m combining greed and sex. Can’t miss. Go ahead, Hedy.
(Very much like a cigarette girl)
HEDY
Hello, there. I’m the World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl. Each week I’m going to bring you a clue to where the World Wide treasure has been stashed. Buried.
FINCH
HEDY Oh, yeah. Buried. This eyepatch gets me mixed up. (Crosses U.L. of BIGGLEY.)
Isn’t this a cute outfit? I love it.
(Sits)
Very nice, Miss LaRue, very nice.
(Crosses U. to L. of BRATT)
BIGGLEY
FINCH
Of course, Miss LaRue is just helping me demonstrate the idea. She won’t be our regular Treasure Girl.
(Acting it up)
HEDY
Naturally.
(Deep sigh.) (Crosses D. to L. of DAVIS)
FINCH
When we actually go on the air we need a big name personality. Of course.
(Another sigh.)
HEDY
— 122 —
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(HEDY)
Well, I’m leaving the firm, anyway.
(Leans over BIGGLEY.)
Of course, I wouldn’t if …
FINCH
(D.L. Leaps in)
Offhand, I’d say this would be great for someone like Elizabeth Taylor.
BUD
Why don’t you get Queen Elizabeth?
FINCH
(Leans across table to BUD)
This is an American program. Now, J.B., a beautiful Treasure Girl, plus fifty thousand shares of stock will …
BRATT
(Rises)
J.B., let’s tell this maniac off and get on with our business.
(MEN react.)
BIGGLEY
(Rises)
Just a moment. I’ll handle this. Gentlemen and Miss LaRue, will you please leave me alone with Mr. Finch.
BRATT
Okay. Take care of him.
(MEN and HEDY get up and start off L.)
This is crazy! What about the S.E.C.?
(Exiting)
TACKABERRY
What about the C.C.A.? What about the stockholders? What about the board of directors? What about the Federal statutes.?
JENKINS TOYNBEE JENKINS
DAVIS What about the Federal Trade Commission?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
BRATT What about the Senate Investigating Committee? (They exit L.)
(Crosses U.L. of BIGGLEY)
FINCH
They’re all being petty.
BIGGLEY Finch … you’re a brilliant young chap, but I’m afraid you’ve let us down. (Sits.) (Sits)
FINCH
How, J.B.?
BIGGLEY You’ve missed the boat. You haven’t thought this out properly. I don’t understand, J.B.
FINCH
BIGGLEY Tell me, why does this Treasure Girl have to be a big name personality? (FINCH turns front and smiles.)
Sir?
FINCH
BIGGLEY How would it be if she were … well … someone more … More …
FINCH
BIGGLEY More identified with the company. A real, uh … A real World Wide Wicket girl? Yes. Maybe …
FINCH
BIGGLEY
(As if getting a brilliant idea.)
Say, why not Miss LaRue herself?
(Rises)
FINCH
Brilliant, J.B., brilliant! Instead of an artificial actress, we have plain, simple Hedy LaRue, the girl next door. That was a great thought, J.B.
— 123 —
— 124 —
HOW
T O
It wasn’t bad, was it? Then it’s all settled.
SUCCEED
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BIGGLEY FINCH
(Crosses D.)
BIGGLEY Just a moment. Finch where are you going to hide the treasure? (Crosses U. to BIGGLEY)
FINCH
J.B., this show is completely unrigged. Not even the Treasure Girl is going to know where the treasure is hidden. Well, I’d like to know.
BIGGLEY
FINCH Okay. It’s to be a secret between you and me. I’ll give you the first clue that the Treasure Girl is going to give over the air. “West of the sun, west of the moon, where is the treasure? Blow me a tune.” What the hell is that?
BIGGLEY
FINCH Tough clue, isn’t it? But if you will note, the first letters of each line are W.W.W.B. World Wide Wicket Buildings. (Rises)
BIGGLEY
You’re going to use our buildings?
FINCH I’m going to hide five thousand shares of stock in each of the ten World Wide Wicket Buildings throughout the country. We’ll get tremendous publicity.
BIGGLEY But you’ll have mobs of people running all over the buildings, looking for the treasure.
FINCH J.B., if a man as brilliant and as educated as you couldn’t guess from the clue I gave you, do you think the average viewer is going to guess? Good point.
(Calls off L.)
You can come in, gentlemen.
(Crosses above table to D.R.)
BIGGLEY FINCH
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 125 —
(BRATT and MEN walk on and go to their places, stand behind the chairs.)
BIGGLEY Gentlemen, I’m thinking of going ahead with the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt. Of course I want your approval. BRATT Well, J.B., I think it’s an absolutely crazy motion and … I like it. I like it!
(In unison)
BIGGLEY BRATT MEN
We like it!
#28 — T.V. Announcement
(Orchestra)
Scene 6
(TELEVISION SHOW. On rise we see a typical television logo display which is a globe of the world with the words “World Wide Wickets” written around its circumference. The ANNOUNCER’s VOICE is heard over the usual introductory music.) (Over speaker)
TV ANNOUNCER
The World Wide Wicket Company, whose slogan for over one hundred years has been “World Wide Wickets …”
(A small panel slips down from behind logo with the words “For A Wider World” written on it.)
“ … For A Wider World,” presents, in living color, in the interests of better television programming, the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt.
(MALE DANCERS in pirate costumes enter from L. and R. A cutout of a pirate ship is U.S. Below that is a huge open treasure chest with FIVE GIRL DANCERS hidden under a gold cloth. TV ANNOUNCER continues as lights come up.)
Now, for the opening number, we present an authentic traditional folk dance of the bold pirate folk of the Spanish Main, danced for your pleasure by the jolly Wickets and Wickettes.
— 126 —
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# 29 — The Yo-Ho-Ho
(Orchestra)
(After PIRATE NUMBER, DANCERS clear U.S., hold final positions of dance as BIGGLEY, FINCH, BRATT and TACKABERRY come on stage with the R. stage TV unit. They have been watching the dance on a television set.)
BIGGLEY
(Seated)
What the hell was that?
(Standing D.R. of BIGGLEY)
FINCH
I tried for some production value. Sssshhh. Give it a chance. Hedy’s coming on now.
TV ANNOUNCER Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for — the World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl. #30 — Hedy’s Fanfare
(Orchestra)
(HEDY enters [MUSIC FANFARE] from L., followed by TWO WICKETTE GIRLS who stand on either side behind her. HEDY blows kisses to audience.) (Standing U.L. of BIGGLEY)
BRATT
It’s beginning to get me. I’m beginning to wonder where the treasure is, myself.
(U.L. of FINCH)
TACKABERRY
Yeah, where is it, Ponty?
FINCH No, no. Nobody in the whole world knows but J.B. and myself. Right, J.B.? Right, Ponty. Ssshhhhh.
BIGGLEY
HEDY Hello, there. Well, I’m about to give you the first clue in the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt. In ten different places in this great country there are buried five thousand shares of stock, making a total of fifty thousand shares in all. Oooooh! And now for the first clue … (MUSIC fanfare.) (Reciting)
The first clue.
(MUSIC FANFARE)
TWO WICKETTE GIRLS
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#30a — The First Clue
— 127 —
(Orchestra)
The first clue is “West of the sun …”
HEDY
(A TV ANNOUNCER interrupts.)
One moment, Treasure Girl.
TV ANNOUNCER
(HEDY looks up. MAN enters L. carrying a big Bible. He crosses R. above HEDY, D. to her L.)
This gentleman is carrying a Bible. Will you place your right hand on it. Miss LaRue, do you swear that there has been no fixing or rigging in connection with this show?
(HEDY looks startled.)
And that the clue you are about to give is the truth, the whole truth, free from any trickery, chicanery or dishonesty?
(HEDY is very hesitant.)
Is this a real Bible? Why, of course, Miss LaRue. What’s the matter with her? She looks surprised.
HEDY TV ANNOUNCER BIGGLEY BRATT
FINCH She is. Hedy didn’t know about this. I wanted this part of the show to be completely spontaneous and unrehearsed. That can be very dangerous. I think it’s very effective.
BIGGLEY FINCH
TV ANNOUNCER Do you swear to that, Miss LaRue? (Hesitantly, hand on Bible)
I do.
(Removes hand.)
HEDY
— 128 —
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TV ANNOUNCER And secondly, Miss LaRue, do you swear that you yourself do not know where the treasure is actually hidden? Do you swear to that, Miss LaRue? Miss LaRue? BIGGLEY You see? We’re going to get into trouble.
FINCH Why? You and I are the only ones who know where the treasure is hidden. She doesn’t know. (ALL MEN look at BIGGLEY.)
Does she?
(Looks at MEN, then back at TV set)
BIGGLEY
Let’s watch the program.
TV ANNOUNCER Miss LaRue, do you swear that you do not actually know where the treasure is hidden?
HEDY Look, I do not wish to take a bum rap. I will not swear false witness to perjury. I do know where the treasure is. (Takes one step forward, leaning forward.)
I found out last night. There is treasure hidden in all the World Wide Wicket Buildings right now.
(MEN stage R. react in horror. BIGGLEY collapses in chair.) (Recite again)
TWO WICKETTE GIRLS
The first clue …
(HEDY goes L., followed by GIRLS and MAN.)
#30b — Disaster
(Orchestra)
Scene 7
(THE WRECKED OUTER OFFICE. In the black we hear the BOOK VOICE.) How to Handle a Disaster.
BOOK VOICE
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 129 —
(The outer office is revealed with the lamps twisted and turned, the desks toppled, typewriters on the floor, adding machine tape strewn all over, chairs turned over. The place is in complete wreckage. In frozen tableau we find MISS JONES, TACKABERRY, TOYNBEE, BUD, JENKINS, DAVIS and a COMPANY POLICEMAN viewing the wreckage. BOOK VOICE continues.)
(BOOK VOICE) In every business man’s career, there are times when things go a bit wrong. We have many suggestions for coping with these little problems. However, should you be the cause of a disaster that’s really disastrous, we suggest that your best bet is to review the first chapter of this book, How To Apply For A Job. (MISS JONES and EXECUTIVES break tableau and start speaking.)
TACKABERRY
(L. of MISS JONES)
Have you guys found Finch yet?
(To TACKABERRY)
He seems to have disappeared.
(L. of TACKABERRY)
MISS JONES
TOYNBEE
Can’t find him.
(He exits L. ROSEMARY enters from L. during this and watches.)
No, but we’re looking for him.
(Exits L.)
Haven’t seen him.
JENKINS
DAVIS
(Exits L.) (BRATT enters U.R. from executive suite, crosses D.R. of TACKABERRY.)
Where’s Finch? I don’t know, Bratt.
BRATT
TACKABERRY
BRATT Well, J.B. wants him as fast as you can find him. He’s hopping mad.
(WOMPER comes running on from L. with COMPANY POLICEMAN chasing him.) (L. Of WOMPER)
Come back here, you.
COMPANY POLICEMAN
— 130 —
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BRATT
(Takes POLICEMAN’s arm from around WOMPER)
What are you doing?
COMPANY POLICEMAN It’s another treasure hunter. This little nut tried to sneak past me three times. BRATT This little nut is the chairman of the board. (WOMPER gives BRATT a look.)
It’s Mr. Womper.
(Starts off L.)
COMPANY POLICEMAN
Chairman of the board. They all look alike to me.
(He exits L.)
BRATT I’m very sorry this happened, Mr. Womper. (WOMPER just looks at him.)
If you’ll come with me, Mr. Biggley is in his office. Luckily they didn’t wreck that.
(WOMPER starts off U.R. into executive suite, followed by BRATT and TACKABERRY. BRATT addresses Miss Jones.)
Keep looking for Finch.
(They exit into executive suite.) (Seeing ROSEMARY L. of C.)
MISS JONES
Oh, Rosemary, have you seen Ponty?
ROSEMARY No, Miss Jones, and I’m so worried about him. So am I. He was a nice boy.
(Starts off R.)
Was? What will they do to him?
MISS JONES
ROSEMARY
MISS JONES I don’t know. Somebody’s head has to roll.
(She makes bowling gesture, then exits U.R. into executive suite.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#31 — I Believe In You (Rosemary) (Left alone, crosses D.R.)
ROSEMARY
Ponty will think of something, won’t you, Ponty.
YOU HAVE THE COOL, CLEAR EYES OF A
SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH;
YET THERE’S THAT UPTURNED CHIN,
AND THE GRIN OF IMPETUOUS YOUTH.
OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU, I BELIEVE IN YOU.
(FINCH enters from L. ROSEMARY rushes into his arms.) Ponty, Ponty!
(They embrace.)
I’m so glad you’re here. Where have you been?
ROSEMARY FINCH ROSEMARY
FINCH Oh, walking the streets, thinking, thinking. (Touching his forehead)
ROSEMARY
You’ve got a bruise on your head.
FINCH It’s nothing. I got it last night. They threw me out of a saloon. (Horrified)
Why did they do that? Because I didn’t buy anything.
ROSEMARY
FINCH
ROSEMARY The brutes. Why don’t you go home? FINCH No, I’ve got to go in and face the music.
(BUD sticks his head out of executive suite, sees FINCH, points at him.)
Ahhah!
(He exits into executive suite.)
BUD
— 131 —
(Rosemary)
— 132 —
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FINCH
(Crosses R. below ROSEMARY, looks at the wrecked office)
Well, this is it.
ROSEMARY The chairman of the board is in there. I figured that. What are you going to do?
(Crosses L. below her.)
FINCH
ROSEMARY FINCH
Do? What does a man do when the world has collapsed around his ears? Nothing. I’ll just take what’s coming to me.
ROSEMARY Ponty, I know with that mind of yours …
FINCH No, Rosemary, I’m putting that mind of mine away. I’m just going to make a clean breast of everything and go back to what I was before I came here. What were you? I was an exterior decorator.
ROSEMARY FINCH
(Catches himself.)
There I go again. I can’t even tell you the truth. I was a window washer.
ROSEMARY So what? I don’t care what you do, Ponty, I’m sticking. I walked out on you once. You did? Well, I’m not leaving you again.
FINCH
ROSEMARY
FINCH Rosemary, you can’t be the wife of a window washer. That’s no life for a woman, sitting at home while I’m up there, never knowing if I’ve landed safely. Now listen to me, Finch …
ROSEMARY
(BUD enters from executive suite with FOUR MEN. They remain on steps. BUD crosses D.R. to C.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
Finch, you’re wanted in J.B.’s office. I thought I’d wash up first. They want you now.
(Crosses R.)
— 133 —
BUD FINCH BUD FINCH
Gee, can’t I even say good-bye to Rosemary? Go ahead.
(Turns L. to ROSEMARY)
Rosemary, good-bye.
(Cutting in)
Come along. But, I …
BUD
FINCH
BUD
FINCH
(Turns, crosses U. on to the steps, turns back and sees he’s surrounded by the FOUR MEN, shrugs shoulders.)
I’m sorry, Rosemary. I wish none of this had ever happened.
(Exits U.R. followed by the FOUR MEN.) (Starts to run after him)
ROSEMARY
Ponty!
(BUD stands in her way. She stops. BUD exits U.R.)
#32 — Doom
(Orchestra)
Scene 8
(THE ELEVATOR LANDING. On rise we see THREE GIRLS on each side of stage holding handkerchiefs, sadly watching as BUD enters R., followed by FINCH surrounded by the FOUR MEN. They Stop L. of C.)
— 134 —
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BUD
(Crosses R. between two men to FINCH)
Look, Ponty, why the hell should you face those monsters? Go ahead, run away. Escape. I’ll pretend I didn’t see you. For auld lang syne.
FINCH No, I’m going to face them and get it over with. I should think you’d be happy if they killed me. (BUD crosses L. to his former position.)
If I could only be sure.
BUD
(They march off L. GIRLS exit L. and R.) Scene 9
(BIGGLEY’s OFFICE. WOMPER is pacing back and forth. Miss JONES is seated U.L. on the sofa. To her right is TACKABERRY. ANOTHER GROUP of EXECUTIVES standing Stage R. BIGGLEY is standing L. of his desk. BRATT enters L., followed by PETERSON and JENKINS.) (Crosses to L. of BIGGLEY)
BRATT
All of our key men are here, J.B.
(To PETERSON and JENKINS at his L.)
Gentlemen, you know Mr. Wally Womper, the chairman of the board.
(They nod to WOMPER, who just looks at them. PETERSON crosses U. to MISS JONES.) (Crosses R. to WOMPER)
BIGGLEY
Now, Wally, let me tell you before we go any further that I realize that I’m the president of this company, the man who is responsible for everything that goes on here. So I’d like to state right now that anything that happened is not my fault. There’s one bright side to this whole thing, Wally. You’ll be happy to know that we’ve got somebody to pin it on.
(Turns to BRATT.)
Have you found Finch yet? They’re bringing him in.
BRATT
BIGGLEY Good. Wally, you’ll soon see where the responsibility for the whole thing lies. When he gets here, I’ll do all the talking. This is a very slick youngster, Wally.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 135 —
(BUD enters from L., dragging FINCH on, followed by the FOUR EXECUTIVES who cross U. alongside MISS JONES.) (To BIGGLEY)
BUD
He’s here, sir.
(Crosses R. below desk to MEN stage R. JENKINS crosses above desk and joins him.) (L. of C.)
Mr. Biggley, I’d …
(Cutting in fast)
FINCH
BIGGLEY
Never mind, I’ll do the talking. Oh, by the way, you’ve never met Mr. Womper. This is the chairman of the board. How do you do, Mr. Womper?
FINCH
(Starts R.)
Mr. Womper, I’d like to …
(Stopping him)
BIGGLEY
No speeches, Finch. It’s all settled. I want you to sign a simple little letter of resignation, in which you accept all the blame for what happened.
(BRATT crosses D. to L. of FINCH, hands him pen and letter of resignation.)
Okay, Mr. Biggley, I’ll be glad to.
(Takes pen and letter from BRATT.)
What’s that?
(Crosses L. to FINCH.)
I’ll do what you said.
(ALL look at each other.)
You sure this isn’t one of your tricks?
FINCH
BIGGLEY
FINCH
BIGGLEY
FINCH No, Mr. Biggley, I’m through with all that. You see, this firm has been pretty good to me. Now I’m going to resign, take the blame and go back to what I did before I came here.
— 136 —
HOW
(Simple curiosity)
What did you do, Finch?
(After a pause)
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BIGGLEY
FINCH
I was a window washer.
WOMPER No kiddin’. I started as a window washer myself.
(This is the first time WOMPER has spoken. It comes from left field. They all turn and look at WOMPER. FINCH turns front and smiles, then turns gracefully to BRATT and hands back pen and letter of resignation. BRATT looks stunned. He puts away his pen, letter of resignation and crosses U.L. to R. of MISS JONES.) (Turns R.)
You did?
(Crosses L.)
BIGGLEY
WOMPER
What the hell did you think I was — a rail splitter?
(BIGGLEY crosses U. to L. of BRATT. WOMPER disgustedly refers to BIGGLEY.)
College man.
(To FINCH.)
So you were a window washer.
(MEN gather around BUD stage R. MEN gather around BIGGLEY stage L.)
Yes, Mr. Womper. Call me Wally. Okay, Wally. Tell me, Finch … Call me Ponty.
FINCH
WOMPER FINCH WOMPER FINCH
WOMPER Okay, Ponty. Boy, it’s been a long time since I had someone around here I could talk to. How did you happen to go into this business?
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
Well, sir, I had a book … Yeah? Me, too.
— 137 —
FINCH WOMPER
FINCH It was a book on how to succeed in business.
WOMPER My book was more useful. I booked bets for all the other window washers. I cleaned up a bundle. (Crosses R., looks at MEN stage R.)
I should’ve stood in that business. Eight buildings wrecked, our stock is down five points. We’re the laughing stock of the industry. I know, Wally. It’s ghastly.
FINCH
WOMPER Ponty, how did this happen? I could understand a college man pulling a boner like this, but not no window washer. Now this idea of yours … Hold it, Wally.
FINCH
(Crosses R. to WOMPER.)
If there’s one thing I won’t do, it’s take credit for another man’s idea. Especially when he’s the boss’s nephew.
(WOMPER looks up. FINCH crosses L. EVERYBODY moves L. away from BUD, leaving him alone stage R.)
WOMPER
(Crosses R. to C., looks at BUD, turns to BIGGLEY)
You never told me you hired your nephew. Nephew? Oh, nephew.
BIGGLEY
(Crosses D.R. to WOMPER.)
He’s not really my nephew — he’s my Wife’s nephew. This may seem like nepotism, Wally, but it’s not. I’ve never shown him any favoritism. In fact, I hate him. But you love his ideas.
WOMPER
BIGGLEY No! When he first told me the idea I thought it was a lousy idea. (Crosses L. and points at FINCH.)
Then when Finch brought it to me I still said it was a lousy idea. And I told Finch it was a lousy idea.
— 138 —
HOW
T O
(Crosses L. two Steps)
Why did you buy it?
It seemed like a good idea.
(Turns away, crosses R. two steps)
Treasure hunts … treasure girls …
(Suddenly defensive)
SUCCEED
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WOMPER
BIGGLEY WOMPER
BIGGLEY
Well, dressed it all up. He can’t deny that the idea for the Treasure Girl was his.
(Crosses U.L. into GROUP OF MEN.)
MEN That’s right, J.B. You tell ’em, J.B. That’s the way, J.B. (etc., etc.)
(WOMPER looks at FINCH.)
(Crosses R. to WOMPER)
FINCH
Well, that was my idea.
WOMPER And not a bad one, but who the hell picked that bubble-headed tomato?
(FINCH crosses D.R. below WOMPER. Now EVERYONE moves away R. and L. from BIGGLEY, leaving him alone L. WOMPER looks at BIGGLEY.) (Nodding, looks U.L.)
Uh huh.
(Crosses D. to Womper)
WOMPER
BIGGLEY
Wally, I don’t want you to get any wrong ideas. This is a very nice girl. You ought to talk to her. I intend to.
(Crosses R., looks at men R.)
WOMPER
Well, I think I’ve got the whole picture. Now the question is what to do and who to do it to.
(Sits in BIGGLEY’s chair C.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 139 —
FINCH
(Crosses L. to WOMPER)
Now wait a minute, Wally. Before you make any hasty decision …
(BIGGLEY Crosses L. Of C.)
I’d like to say a few words.
(ALL MEN move down.)
About what?
WOMPER FINCH
Humanity.
(WOMPER swivels chair to face U.S.)
#33 — Brotherhood Of Man (Finch, Womper, Biggley, Miss Jones, Men) (FINCH) You see, Wally, even though we’re all part of the cold corporate setup … deep down under our skins there is flesh and blood. We’re all brothers. (D.L., sighs)
Some of us are uncles.
(R. of C.)
BIGGLEY FINCH
NOW, YOU MAY JOIN THE ELKS, MY FRIEND, AND I MAY JOIN THE SHRINERS.
AND OTHER MEN MAY CARRY CARDS AS MEMBERS OF THE DINERS.
STILL OTHERS WEAR A GOLDEN KEY, OR SMALL GREEK LETTER PIN.
BUT I HAVE LEARNED THERE’S ONE GREAT CLUB
THAT ALL OF US ARE IN.
(Jumps on desk.)
THERE IS A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN,
A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD OF MAN;
A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS
ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS
INTO ONE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN.
(MEN gather around desk, except for BUD and BIGGLEY.) YOUR LIFE-LONG MEMBERSHIP IS FREE.
KEEP A-GIVING EACH BROTHER ALL YOU CAN.
OH, AREN’T YOU PROUD TO BE
IN THAT FRATERNITY;
— 140 —
HOW
(ALL place hands over hearts.)
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH)
THE GREAT, BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN?
(MEN cross away L. and R.) (FINCH Speaking)
So, Wally, I want you to remember that, before you consider firing Mr. Biggley.
(BRATT crosses D. to BIGGLEY with letter of resignation and pen.)
Who’s considering that?
BIGGLEY
(Pushes BRATT away)
FINCH
(Still on desk)
You see, Wally, I know what’s on your mind. You’d like to clear out the whole crowd from top to bottom.
(JUMPS R. off desk.)
That’s the obvious move. But stop and think …
(To DAVIS, D.R.) (Sings)
ONE MAN MAY SEEM INCOMPETENT,
(To TOYNBEE, L. of DAVIS.)
ANOTHER NOT MAKE SENSE,
(To BUD, L. of TOYNBEE.)
WHILE OTHERS LOOK LIKE QUITE A WASTE OF COMPANY EXPENSE.
THEY NEED A BROTHER’S LEADERSHIP,
(Below MEN stage R.)
SO PLEASE DON’T DO THEM IN;
(Crosses L. to WOMPER.)
REMEMBER, MEDIOCRITY IS NOT A MORTAL SIN.
THEY’RE … WE’RE … IN … IN …
EXECUTIVES FINCH EXECUTIVES
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
FINCH
THE …
EXECUTIVES
THE …
ALL MEN
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN;
DEDICATED TO GIVING ALL WE CAN.
FINCH
OH, AREN’T YOU PROUD TO BE
IN THAT FRATERNITY;
(ALL clap hands.)
ALL MEN
THE GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN?
(ALL clap hands. WOMPER crosses D., turns and looks at MEN stage R. They stop clapping. He turns and looks at MEN stage L. ALL Stop clapping but BUD, who is left clapping alone. BIGGLEY at BUD’s L., grabs his shands and stops him. WOMPER then crosses D.C.)
(Sings)
NO KIDDIN’!
WOMPER
IS THERE REALLY A BROTHERHOOD …
BIGGLEY & EXECUTIVES.
YES, YOU’RE A BROTHER; … OF MAN?
WOMPER
BIGGLEY & EXECUTIVES
YOU ARE A BROTHER!
WOMPER
ON THE LEVEL, A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN? OH YES, OH YES.
ALL
A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS
ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS
WOMPER
INTO ONE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN.
ALL
OH, YES, YOUR LIFE-LONG MEMBERSHIP IS FREE;
KEEP A-GIVIN’ EACH BROTHER ALL YOU CAN.
OH, AREN’T YOU …
— 141 —
— 142 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
WOMPER AND MEN
I N
BUSINESS
MISS JONES
(Crosses U., climbs onto desk)
PROUD TO BE
YOU … YOU GOT ME,
IN THAT FRATERNITY;
ME … I GOT
THE GREAT, BIG
YOU-OO
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN?
YOU-OO.
(MEN face U.S. and surround desk.)
MISS JONES
OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING,
FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING,
DOWN WITH DOUBLE DEALING;
OH, BROTHER.
YOU … YOU GOT ME
ME … I GOT YOU-OO, YOU-OO.
(WOMPER and FINCH do little tap routine.) (Softly)
ALL
OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING,
FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING,
DOWN WITH DOUBLE DEALING;
OH, BROTHER!
YOU … YOU GOT ME
ME … I GOT YOU-OO, YOU-OO.
OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING,
(ALL spread out on stage and clap hands. DANCERS do crossover.) FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING,
DOWN WITH DOUBLE DEALING;
OH, BROTHER.
YOU … YOU GOT ME
ME … I GOT YOU-OO, YOU-OO.
(BIGGLEY climbs on desk R. of Miss Jones.)
YOUR LIFE-LONG MEMBERSHIP IS FREE.
KEEP A-GIVING EACH BROTHER ALL YOU CAN.
OH, AREN’T YOU PROUD TO BE
IN THAT FRATERNITY;
THE GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN.
(ALL shake hands.)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#34 — More Doom
— 143 —
(Orchestra)
Scene 9A
(TRAVELER. SOUND of DRUMS. BUD enters L., crosses slowly, surrounded by the FOUR MEN who earlier accompanied FINCH. BUD stops R. of C., turns and addresses men.)
BUD
(Crosses L. to FIRST MAN)
Give me a break.
(Crosses U.L. to SECOND MAN.)
We were always the best of friends, Max.
(Waves hand in front of SECOND MAN who does not react. Crosses U.R. to THIRD MAN.)
Remember the fun, the dates, Ernest?
(Laughs. Crosses D.R. to fourth man.)
You I never liked.
(Addresses ALL)
Look, I could make it worth your while.
(Reaches into pockets, pulls them out empty.)
No, I can’t! It doesn’t pay to be decent.
(Falls to floor.)
Well, I’m not going to go.
(MEN pick him up, start off R.)
No, no, you can’t make me! I’m too young to go. I’m just a boy. I’ll get sick!
Scene 10
(THE OUTER OFFICE. On rise OFFICE PERSONNEL are milling around, gossiping. SMITTY enters R., Crosses to C.) (L. of C.)
Hey, Smitty, any news yet? I haven’t heard a thing yet.
(JENKINS enters L.)
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
SMITTY
Oh, Mr. Jenkins, have you heard anything yet?
— 144 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
JENKINS
(As he heads for executive suite U.R.)
Don’t know a thing yet.
Looks like a big shakeup.
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
(JENKINS is stopped on stairs U.R. by BRATT entering from executive suite, followed by TACKABERRY.)
Boys and girls, may I have a word.
BRATT
(They all turn to listen.)
As you know, there have been a few changes made at World Wide Wickets. I am speaking to you now in my new capacity as vice president in charge of Employee Morale and Psychological Adjustment. Mr. Tackaberry here is now in charge of Personnel.
(TACKABERRY nods, crosses D. steps, shakes hands with JENKINS.)
Now I would like you to hear a few words from our hard-driving, hard-working president.
(BIGGLEY enters U.R., followed by MISS JONES.)
J.B. Biggley.
(OFFICE STAFF applauds. MISS JONES crosses D. to foot of first row of D.S. desks.) (Crosses D.R. of C.)
BIGGLEY
I can truly state that World Wide Wickets is now stronger than ever. And I feel a lot of the credit should go to a certain bright and very loyal young man. Come out here, Finch.
(FINCH enters U.R. OFFICE STAFF applauds. BIGGLEY crosses D.R.)
As you know, this youngster’s rise has been spectacularly rapid. As a matter of fact, for a while I began to think he was after my job.
(BIGGLEY laughs. FINCH and other OFFICE PERSONNEL laugh with him.)
But, luckily for me, he didn’t want it.
(Laughs again.) (Laughing)
FINCH
No, J.B., your job is much too tough for me.
(Crosses L. below BIGGLEY.)
But I would like to say, that if any credit is due, it should go to a great man and a great humanitarian, the chairman of the board, Mr. Wally Womper.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 145 —
BIGGLEY
Hear hear.
FINCH Incidentally; folks, Mr. Womper has his charming wife with him today. Let’s get them both out here. Mr. and Mrs. Womper.
(WOMPER and HEDY come out U.R., cross D.R. of C. GROUP applauds. FINCH crosses R. to them.)
Mr. Womper told me he didn’t feel like making any speeches. He’s still a newlywed. But, I have a surprise announcement to make about him.
(Crosses L. to C.)
Wally Womper has decided that after his long years of service, he’s going to retire as chairman of the board and he and his wife are going to take a long honeymoon trip around the world. HEDY
(R. of Womper)
Sweetie, what a surprise! You didn’t tell me.
WOMPER
(Stunned)
I didn’t know.
(FINCH crosses U.L. and is surrounded by the GIRLS.)
Well, what the hell. It’s not a bad idea, at that.
(Turns to HEDY.)
I’ll concentrate on you.
(Crosses R. to WOMPER.)
BIGGLEY
Wally, who’s going to be the new chairman of the board as if I didn’t know?
(BIGGLEY looks L. ALL OFFICE PERSONNEL stage L. split L. and R., isolating FINCH.)
FINCH Just a moment. I don’t know if I can accept. I’ll have to consult Mrs. Finch. (SMITTY crosses L. below FINCH to GIRLS D.L.)
SMITTY Rosemary, your husband is calling you. #34a — Hallelujah! (Singing)
(Girls) GIRLS
HALLELUJAH!
(ROSEMARY enters L., crosses to FINCH C.)
— 146 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
FINCH Rosemary, I’ve got a big decision to make. They want to make me chairman of the board. What do you think?
ROSEMARY Darling, I don’t care if you work in the mailroom or you’re chairman of the board or you’re President of the United States, I love you. FINCH
(Turns front)
Say that again. I love you.
ROSEMARY
No, before that. Miss Jones …
FINCH BIGGLEY
(MISS JONES crosses D.L. of BIGGLEY. He crosses D.)
… take a wire to the White House: “Watch out!”
#35 — Finale (The Company Way)
(Entire Company) ALL
WE PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY; EXECUTIVE POLICY
(Scaffold rises outside windows U.S. with BUD holding copy of “How To” book.) IS BY US OKAY.
THOUGH FOR THE DEPARTED
WE SHED A MOURNFUL TEAR;
WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES,
WE WILL STILL BE HERE!
#36 — Bows
(Entire Company) ALL
OH, AREN’T YOU PROUD TO BE
IN THAT FRATERNITY;
THE GREAT, BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN?
#37 — Exit Music THE END
(Orchestra)
MUS I C A L ACT 1
NUMBER S
(VOC A L
BOOK )
Overture...............................................................................................................................150 1. Opening—Act One ........................................................................................................150 2. How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying ...............................................150 3. Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm..............................................................................151 3a. Good Morning (Entrance Of Secretaries) .................................................................153 4. Coffee Break....................................................................................................................154 4a. Frump On The Phone..................................................................................................157 5. The Company Way ........................................................................................................158 6. The Company Way (Reprise) .......................................................................................165 7. Rosemary's Philosophy .................................................................................................168 8. Hedy.................................................................................................................................168 9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy...............................................................................................169 9a. The Executives’ Exit.....................................................................................................173 10. Been A Long Day .........................................................................................................174 11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) ........................................................................................180 11a. Saturday Morning ......................................................................................................181 12. Grand Old Ivy ..............................................................................................................182 13. Grand Old Ivy (Reprise) .............................................................................................185 13a. Vassar ...........................................................................................................................185 14. Hedy’s Walk..................................................................................................................186 14a. Onward And Upward ...............................................................................................186 14b. Girlsville ......................................................................................................................186 15. Paris Original................................................................................................................187 16. The Company Way (a La Dance Band) ....................................................................192 16a. The Executive Landing .............................................................................................192 17. Elevator Dance .............................................................................................................192 17a. Ethereal Grandeur .....................................................................................................192 18. Rosemary.......................................................................................................................193 19. Rip The Chipmunk ......................................................................................................196 20. Finale—Act One ...........................................................................................................197
ACT 2
21. Entr’acte ........................................................................................................................200 22. Opening—Act Two ......................................................................................................200 23. Cinderella, Darling ......................................................................................................201 24. I Have Returned...........................................................................................................206 25. Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm (Reprise)...........................................................207 25a. Knitorama ...................................................................................................................207 26. Love From A Heart Of Gold.......................................................................................208 26a. The Lunch Date ..........................................................................................................210 27. I Believe In You.............................................................................................................211 27a. Into Board Room ........................................................................................................216 28. T. V. Announcement ....................................................................................................216 29. The Yo-Ho-Ho...............................................................................................................216 30. Hedy’s Fanfare .............................................................................................................216 30a. The First Clue .............................................................................................................216 30b. Disaster........................................................................................................................216 31. I Believe In You (Rosemary) .......................................................................................217 32. Doom .............................................................................................................................217 33. Brotherhood Of Man ...................................................................................................218 34. More Doom ...................................................................................................................224 34a. Hallelujah ....................................................................................................................224 35. Finale (The Company Way)........................................................................................225 36. Bows...............................................................................................................................226 37. Exit Music......................................................................................................................226
— 147 —
SONGS BY CHARACTER (VOCAL BOOK)
BUD
FINCH
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy ...........169
4. Coffee Break ...............................154
6. The Company Way (Reprise) ....165
2. How To Succeed In Business
Without Really Trying ................150
5. The Company Way ....................158
10. Been A Long Day .....................174
12. Grand Old Ivy..........................182
13. Grand Old Ivy (Reprise)..........185 18. Rosemary..................................193
19. Rip The Chipmunk ..................196
20. Finale—Act One.......................197
27. I Believe In You ........................211
33. Brotherhood Of Man................218
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
ROSEMARY
11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) .....180 20. Finale—Act One.......................197
24. I Have Returned ......................206
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225
36. Bows .........................................226
BIGGLEY
11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) .....180 12. Grand Old Ivy..........................182 13. Grand Old Ivy (Reprise)..........185 19. Rip The Chipmunk ..................196
26. Love From A Heart Of Gold....208
33. Brotherhood Of Man................218
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225
36. Bows .........................................226
3. Happy To Keep His
Dinner Warm...............................151
7. Rosemary’s Philosophy .............168
10. Been A Long Day .....................174
15. Paris Original ...........................187
18. Rosemary..................................193
HEDY
11. Been A Long Day (Reprise) .....180
26. Love From A Heart Of Gold....208
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225
36. Bows .........................................226
20. Finale—Act One.......................197
SMITTY
25. Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm
10. Been A Long Day .....................174
23. Cinderella, Darling ..................201
(Reprise) ......................................207
31. I Believe In You (Rosemary)....217
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
— 148 —
4. Coffee Break ...............................154
15. Paris Original ...........................187
23. Cinderella, Darling ..................201
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225
36. Bows .........................................226
MISS JONES
MEN OF THE CHORUS
33. Brotherhood Of Man................218
5. The Company Way ....................158
15. Paris Original ...........................187
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
WOMPER
33. Brotherhood Of Man................218
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
TWIMBLE
5. The Company Way ....................158 6. The Company Way (Reprise) ....165
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
BRATT
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy ...........169
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
MISS KRUMHOLTZ
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy ...........169
15. Paris Original ...........................187
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
— 149 —
4. Coffee Break ...............................154 6. The Company Way (Reprise) ....165
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy ...........169
10. Been A Long Day .....................174
27. I Believe In You ........................211 33. Brotherhood Of Man................218
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
LADIES OF THE CHORUS
4. Coffee Break ...............................154 5. The Company Way ....................158
6. The Company Way (Reprise) ....165
9. A Secretary Is Not A Toy ...........169
10. Been A Long Day .....................174 23. Cinderella, Darling ..................201 34a. Hallelujah ...............................145
35. Finale (The Company Way).....225 36. Bows .........................................226
— 150 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
Overture (Tacet) 1
Opening Act One (Tacet)
2
How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying
Con brio—In 4
2
4 &b4
a
(FINCH)
Œ œ œ . œj how
b
œ.
œ
&b Œ
j œ
œ down
how
to
sit
œ
œ.
œ J
how
to
de
Recitativo
&b Œ
ply
for a job …
œ œ ˙
Œ
at
-
a desk …
a tempo
a three
-
vel - op
œ
œ
"how
to,
Œ
ad
to
dic
- vance from the mail - room …
œ -
tate
mem - o - ran - dums …
œ
how
to
how
to
˙
œ
com - mute
3
that
wear - y
w
ex - ec - u - tive
smile.
j œ
œ
œ
œ
˙
book
is
all
that
i
need…
œ
w
œ.
Œ
œ nœ
œ 3œ b œ œ œ nœ
œ
with
œ
Œ
style …
Œ nœ
œ
nœ
œ œ 3
3
Œ
œ
œ
j œ
œ.
w
ex - ec - u - tive
˙
Œ
to
œ œ œ œ
3
This
&b Œ
œ
œ nœ œ œ œ œ
but - ton suit …
∑
&b
how
how
3
3
C
ap
3
& b Œ #œ œ œ nœ œ in
to
Œ œ œ . œj
œ œ œ ˙
suc
-
ceed.”
d
9
#
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 151 —
e
# Œ (FINCH) œ œ. j & œ how
to
Œ œ œ . œj
œ œ œ ˙
ob
-
serve per - son - nel.
˙
Œ
how
-
Œ œ œ . œj
œ œ
œ œ œ
to
se
lect whom to lunch with.
how
œ
œ #œ œ œ
gin
mak - ing con - tacts.
œ.
j œ
œ
œ
œ
˙
is
all
that
i
need…
to
a -
p # œ
œ œ
void
pet - ty friends…
& F
Second Start
#
how
4
#
œ
œ
"how
to,
Œ
to
be
œ œ
Œ
how
-
œ
Œ
&
&
j œ
œ œ.
Œ
to
This
book
œ
w
suc
-
Œ
œ " UŒ
œ
how to …
w
œ Œ
ceed.”
Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm
RoseMaRY: or maybe white Plains. no …
Freely
#4 & 4 Ó
‰
3
(ROSEMARY)
¿ new
#4 & 4
Ó
¿
Ó
¿
Œ
Ro - chelle…
(SMITTY)
∑
Ó
œ.
œ
new
Ro -
Œ
¿ huh?
Easy Schottische
# & ˙. chelle…
¿
¿
3
¿
3 j ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿
what
are
you
talk - ing
# &
Œ
a - bout.?
œ.
œ
new
Ro
Œ
˙. -
chelle…
Œ
œ.
œ
That’s
the
¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ what
a - bout
it?
— 152 —
a
HOW
(ROSEMARY)
&
œ
œ place
BUSINESS
I N
3
3
#
SUCCEED
T O
œ
where
œ
œ
the
œ
man - sion
˙.
will
œ. œ
be,
For
œ
me
and
the dar -
ling,
3
# &
œ
œ
bright,
b
œ œ. œ
œ
young
œ #œ nœ
j œ
œ.
man
œ. #œ
œ
i’ve
picked
out
for mar
-
ry -
ing
3
# & ˙.
œ. œ
˙.
œ. œ
well,
i
can
tell,
so
œ
œ
˙. me.
he’ll
is - n’t
a
œ.
j œ
˙.
mo - ment too
œ. œ
soon
to
3
# & œ. œ
œ
plan
C
# & ..
on
my life
œ
in
œ
new
Ro - chelle;
The
..
wife
œ.
of
U ∑
∑
j œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ
hap - py
to
keep
his
œ
hap - py
œ
œ
œ
wear - i
-
ly
œ
&
œ
œ
œ
to
œ
œ
he
goes
j œ œ œ œ
keep
j œ ˙
œ
œ
on - ward
and
3
3
his
œ
œ
din - ner warm
œ
œ
Till
he
œ
comes
ten.
un -
œ
til
through me,
‰ j œ right
-
˙
town.
j œ
œ
i’ll
be
œ
there
3
j œ œ
œ
his
is
mind
œ
œ
œ
œ
clear,
3
j œ ˙
‰
from down
3
#
œ while
3
œ
wait - ing
&
œ
j œ œ
œ
home
3
#
so
3
3
# &
œ
œ œ œ œ
up - ward.
e
œ 3
j œ ˙.
be
3
din - ner warm,
3
# &
œ
œ
i’ll
3
3
3
#
ty
Œ œ
coon.
d
œ
my dar - ling
RoseMaRY: i’m prepared for exactly that sort of thing.
(1st time only)
∑
œ
#œ œ nœ
w
&
do
3
œ œ œ œ œ œ
it
œ. œ
3
j œ ˙.
through me,
œ
œ
œ
while
he
looks
3
œ œ œ œ
3
j œ œ œ
œ œ
wait - ing to say: “Good eve - ning, dear,
#3—Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm
-
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
# (ROSEMARY) & œ œ œ i’m
F
œ
what’s new
3
œ
to
#œ
with
be loved
Œ ‰
oh,
h
to be - long
&
œ œ œ œ
wear - ing
in the
& œ
&
un
-
res - pect,
To
j œ œ œ œ œ œ der - stand - a - ble neg - lect.
5
œ œ œ œ
˙
of his
frown,
‰ j œ œ œ
˙
dar - ling bus - y
frown.
such heav - en
3
œ
hap - py
œ while
3
œ œ œ œ
3
‰ ‰ n œj
‰
3
wear - i - ly home
3
per - fec - tly
un - i - form
j œ ˙.
town?” 3
3
the wife - ly
œ œ œ œ
i
œ œ œ œ
j œ œ œ œ œ
up - ward.
#
man
œ œ
au - ra
3
#
a
his
œ œ
-
œ œ œ œ
3
3
3
#
of
from down
3
# œ œ 3 3 œœ œ œœ & œ
G
the glow
w
3
3
œ œ œ
in
you
œ
by
œ œ œ œ
bask
j œ œ
œ
œ œ œ
3
#
œ
3
œ œ œ œ
oh,
&
œ
œ
preg - nant;
# &
3
3
œ
— 153 —
to
keep
œ
œ
he
goes
œ
‰
j œ ˙
on - ward
and
3
œ
j œ œ œ œ
œ
œ
Œ
his
œ
din - ner warm
œ
œ
Till
he
comes
3
œ
œ J
œ
from down
w -
j œ
Ó
∑
town.
Good Morning (Tacet)
3a
— 154 —
HOW
sMiTTY: no coffee? bud: no coffee!
Freely
4 &b4 Œ
BUSINESS
I N
Ominous Cha-Cha tempo
(SMITTY)
¿
U ¿ ¿ Ó
no
cof - fee.
(BUD)
Œ ‰ œJ
‰ œj Œ ‰ œJ œ œ i can’t
‰ œj Œ n œ œ
cof - fee
2 4
4 4
∑
∑
a
if
&b
SUCCEED
Coffee Break
4
&b Ó
T O
take
‰ œJ
break,
if
‰ œj Œ ‰ œJ # œ œ
my
cof - fee
break,
‰ œj Œ œ œ i
can’t
my
cof - fee
break,
my
‰ œj ˙ # œ œ
‰ œJ
take
‰ œj Œ ‰ œJ # œ œ
my
cof - fee
break,
(BUD)
(SMITTY)
j œ ‰ œ nœ bœ
&b œ
some - thing
with - in
∑ w
me
if
(WOMEN)
> > Œ ‰ b œœJ œœJ œœ œœ J Lies
?b b
&b
∑
(SMITTY)
‰ œj Œ œ œ
‰ œJ
&b
‰ œj Œ n œ œ
‰ œJ
can’t
nign - ly
make
drips,
down and
>œ œœ >œ œ (MEN) b œ œ œ Œ ‰ J J J Lies
i
Œ ‰ œJ
dies …
∑
&b
Ó
three
and
œ #œ
j j œœ œœ b œœ œœ b A œœ some - thing with - in
œœ J
Ó ˙˙
me
dies!
œœ b œœ œ A œ J œb œ
˙˙
down and
some - thing with - in
me
‰ œj Œ
‰ œJ
‰ œj Œ
dai - ly
trips
‰ œj Œ œ œ
taste card
-
board
where
œ #œ
shin - ing
‰ œJ be
-
Ó
dies!
shrine
‰ œj ˙ # œ œ
tween
my
lips,
‰ œJ be -
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 155 —
(SMITTY)
&b œ
œ ‰ œj n œ
some - thing
with - in
(1ST VOICE)
∑ bœ
w
me
dies …
no
(WOMEN)
> > Œ ‰ b œœJ œœJ œœ œœ J
∑
&b
Lies
j œœ œœ b œœj œ A œ œ b œ
down and
some - thing with - in
>œ œœ >œ œ (MEN) b œ œ œ
?
Œ ‰ J J
∑
b
Lies
C
(1ST VOICE)
œœ J
J down and
dies!
œœ b œœ œ A œ J œb œ
˙˙
some - thing with - in
me
(3RD VOICE)
¿
j ¿
¿
¿
j ¿
¿
cof - fee,
no
cof
fee,
no
cof
Œ
Œ
‰
(5TH VOICE)
(6TH VOICE)
j j &b ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ cof - fee,
no cof - fee,
no
‰ -
(7TH VOICE)
Ó ˙˙
me
(2ND VOICE)
&b ¿
Œ ‰ ¿j
Ó
dies!
(4TH VOICE)
¿
j ¿
fee,
no
‰ -
(8TH VOICE)
(SMITTY)
j j ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿
¿ ¿ Œ
cof - fee,
cof - fee,
no cof - fee,
no
Ó
‰
j bœ œ œ
That of - fice
d
&b œ light
&b ˙ head.
&b
˙ spread,
œ œ Œ
œ œ œ œ bœ œ does - n’t have
œ
to
be
bœ œ œ
so
i
-
œ
That of - fice
j œ ‰ œ œ
fluo
‰
res - cent,
j bœ œ nœ
i’ll
get
no
does - n’t
have
to
pains
in
œ œ Œ
œ œ œ œ bœ œ
chair
j œ ‰ œ œ
˙
be foam
‰
rub - ber,
the
j bœ œ nœ
so
if
i
3
˙ spread.
œ bœ œ bœ
˙
but on - ly
one
œ bœ nœ
chem - i - cal
#4—Coffee Break
œ.
‰ j bœ œ œ
sub - stance
gets out the
œ J
— 156 —
HOW
(SMITTY)
&b œ
Œ
e
Œ
Œ œ œ
cof - fee
j &b œ œ ‰ œ Œ can’t
cof - fee
‰ œJ
œ #œ
my
my
‰ œj ˙
‰ œJ
‰ œj Œ n œ œ
‰ œJ
can’t
take
cof - fee
my
break,
if
f (BUD & SMITTY) œ œ ‰ œj n œ
bœ
Gone
of
break,
∑
‰ œj Œ œ œ i
π ‰ œJ
break,
cof - fee
4 4
œ
if
‰ œj Œ # œ œ
my
take
2 &b4 œ œ
said!
f ‰ œJ
break,
‰ œJ
Œ
œ
Like she
‰ œj Œ # œ œ
i
BUSINESS
I N
(ALL)
lead!
&b
SUCCEED
T O
is
the sense
∑
2 4
∑
en - ter - prise…
(WOMEN)
2 &b4
4 b >œœ .. 4
∑
all
? 2 b4
gone
and
some - thing
>œ .. >œ œ œ (MEN) b œ œ œ œ 4
∑
œœ J
J
4 all
F
j œœ œœ b œœj œ A œ œ b œ
>œ œ œ œ œ œ J
gone
and
with - in
j ˙˙ ~~~~ ‰ ¿ ~
me
œœ b œœ œ A œ J œb œ
some - thing
> Œ
with - in
dies.
no
>˙ ~~
j ˙ ~~~ ‰ ¿
Œ
me
dies.
no
(ALL)
j j &b ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ cof - fee,
no
cof - fee,
no
j j &b ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ cof - fee,
no
cof - fee,
no
j j ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿
j j ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿
cof - fee,
no
cof - fee,
j ¿ ¿ ‰ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ
Œ
cof - fee,
no
cof - fee,
no
cof - fee.
G
no
cof - fee,
¿ ~~~ ~~~ Œ
no
‰ œJ
(scream!)
if
(SMITTY)
j &b œ œ ‰ œ Œ i
can’t
take
‰ œJ my
‰ œj ˙ œ #œ
cof - fee
break,
#4—Coffee Break
œ
j œ ‰ œ nœ
some - how
the
soul
bœ no
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(BUD)
(SMITTY)
long - er tries …
some - where
(WOMEN)
?
j b œ ‰ œœ œœœ œœ œœœ œœ bœ œ
(MEN)
Cof
Cof
(BUD & SMITTY)
&b œ
-
fee,
-
fee,
&b
with - in
b
œœœ
Ó
-
tab - o - lize …
‰ n n œœœ œœœ œœ œœœ œœ œ œ J
Œ
Œ
-
fee, cof - fee
nœ œ œ ‰ n œœJ œœ n œœœ œœ œœœ
Œ
Ó
cof
cof - fee.
∑
-
fee, cof - fee
∑
me …
∑
bœ œ œ œ œ œ b œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ J J
œœ œ
bœ œ b œœ œœ J
œœ œ
∑
bœ œ œ œ œ œ b œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ J J Cof - fee
or oth - er - wise,
or oth - er - wise,
∑
&b
me
cof
Cof - fee
?
don’t
œ ˙. œ
cof - fee.
œ ‰ œj œ b œ
some - thing
i
Œ
œœœ
b œœ œœ œ b œœ œ ‰ œJ œ b œœ œ œœ
b Œ
j œ ‰ œ œ bœ
œ
& b œ œ ˙. &b Œ
— 157 —
∑
œœ œ
cof - fee
œœ œœ œœ œœ œ œ œ œ J
or oth - er - wise,
bœ œ b œœ œœ J
œœ œœ œœ œœ œ œ œ œ J
œœ œ
cof - fee
or oth - er - wise,
Œ
U >˙ . ~~ ~ ~~ ~
∑
U >˙ . ~ n Œ n ˙˙˙ ... ~~~~~
∑
dies!
bœ œ & b b œœJ œœ
cof - fee
b œœ œœ ? b b œJ œ cof - fee
œœœ œœœ œœœ œœœ J
œœœ
œœ œœ œœ œœ œ œ œ œ J
œœ œ
or oth - er - wise,
or oth - er - wise,
b b œœœ J
œœœ œœœ œœœ œœœ œœœ J
œœœ
bœ b œœ J
œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œ œ œ œ œ J
œœ œ
some - thing
some - thing
in - side of me …
in - side of me …
dies!
U n >˙˙˙ .... ~~~~~ n˙ ~ Œ
∑ dies!
Frump On The Phone (Tacet)
4a
— 158 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
The Company Way
5
TwiMbLe: Twenty-five years. Yep, it’s not easy to get a medal like this. it takes a combination of skill, diplomacy and bold caution.
In 2
b &b bC
œ
œ
˙
œ
œ
œ
˙
when
i
joined
this
firm
˙
b
don’t
œ
œ
œ
œ
get
a - ny
i
stuck
œ œ J to
that
(TWIMBLE)
œ œ œ
œ
well,
i
said
to my - self,
“now,
Ó
w deas.” 3
and
have - n’t
had
one
in
years!
3
¿
¿
¿
·
You
play
it
safe!
˙
nœ
œ.
it
the
com
nœ œ J
œ
pa - ny
way;
-
(TWIMBLE)
b & b bbbb
-
er the
com
i
bw
play
ev
well,
œ
i
œ
œ
bœ œ
(FINCH)
-
œ œ œ
œ
pa - ny
puts
˙
bœ
œ
i
a
brash young man
œ
œ
œ œ J
œ
œ œ Œ
w b & b bbbb
bb & b b bb œ .
œ
œ
-
œ
bœ as
œ
2
b &b b
˙
bœ
Breezily, in tempo—In 2
b & b b œ.
C
Freely—In 1
bœ
brash, young man,
b &b b œ
a
(TWIMBLE)
U Ó
∑
b &b b
BUSINESS
I N
bbbbbb
œ
˙.
where -
˙
˙
˙.
œ me,
there
i’ll
stay.
Π(FINCH)
œ
∑
∑
∑
Ó
Πbut
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
d
— 159 —
(TWIMBLE)
bb & b b bb
∑
Œ
(FINCH)
bb & b b bb œ .
what
œ
œ
i
have
œ œ J
œ
œ œ œ
is your
point
of
bb & b b bb
œ
˙
˙
n˙ .
no
point
of
view,
Œ
œ Ó
∑
Ó
Œ
view?
sup -
œ ∑
Ó
Πi
bb & b b bb œ . pos
-
j nœ œ
œ
ing the
com
b & b bbbb
w
think
so
too!
∑
-
∑
œ
pa - ny
thinks…
Œ
¿
¿
i
what
˙
Œ œ nœ œ
∑
bb & b b bb ¿
˙
Œ
¿
¿
¿
¿
would
you
say
if…
¿
¿
would - n’t
say!
∑
∑
Ó
e
bb & b b bb
∑
∑
∑
Ó
Œ
œ it
w b & b bbbb
œ
Your
face
bb & b b bb
œ. smiles
bb & b b bb
œ œ J
œ
at ex - ec
˙
nœ
œ.
is
a
com
œ œ œ -
œ
u - tives,
then
nœ œ J
œ
pa - ny
face;
œ
˙
goes
back
-
˙.
Œ
˙
˙.
Œ
in
place.
œ ∑
∑ #5—The Company Way
∑
Ó
ΠThe
— 160 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
F
BUSINESS
I N
(TWIMBLE)
bb & b b bb
∑
oh
b b (FINCH) & b b b b œ . œJ œ com
-
œ
pa - ny
bb & b b bb
œ
Ó
fur
œ œ œ -
œ
˙
˙
n˙.
it
suits
me
fine.
Œ
œ ∑
Ó
Ó
Œ
ni - ture?
The
œ ∑
Ó
Œ
˙ a
bb & b b bb œ . com
˙
val
-
Aw
en
-
tine!
œ j nœ œ
œ
pa - ny
let
-
∑ œ nœ œ
œ
ter - head
is
-
Ó
(so)…
¿
¿
is
there
3
bb & b b bb
∑
Œ
¿
¿
¿
an - y - thing you’re
G
bb & b b bb Œ
#œ
∑
¿
Œ
¿
a
-
Ó
Œ
gainst?
#œ
#œ
nœ
when
they
want
nœ
Œ
n˙ .
nœ
nœ #˙ .
n˙ -
liant
think - ing
from
em
-
ploy - ees;
(TWIMBLE)
#œ That
bb & b b bb
bb & b b bb Œ
¿
n˙
#˙
h
¿
(FINCH) bril
bb & b b bb Œ
¿
un - em - ploy - ment!
3
bb & b b bb ¿
¿
is
#œ #˙
#˙ no
∑
#˙
con
Ó
˙
nœ -
cern
of
∑
mine.
(FINCH)
∑
Œ #œ #œ nœ sup - pose
(FINCH)
#œ
nœ
n˙.
n˙ man
Œ
nœ
nœ
#˙.
n˙ of
gen - ius
makes
#5—The Company Way
sug
-
ges - tions …
a
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
bb & b b bb Œ
— 161 —
(TWIMBLE)
A˙
œ
œ
œ
œ
œ
watch
that
gen - ius
get
sug
bb & b b bb
∑
œ
œ
gest - ed
to
œ -
∑
˙.
Œ
œ re
-
sign!
∑
(FINCH)
Œ nœ
Ó
so
i
bb & b b bb
∑
∑
∑
Ó
œ
Œ
all
bb w & b b bb
œ
you
play
bb & b b bb œ . com
-
œ œ J
œ
pa - ny
pol
bb & b b bb
˙
nœ
œ.
it
the
com
œ œ œ
œ
i - cy
is
-
nœ œ J
œ
pa - ny
way;
-
œ
˙
˙
by
me
o
-
˙.
Œ
˙.
Œ
kay!
œ ∑
∑
∑
Ó
Œ You’ll
J
bb & b b bb
∑
bb & b b bb œ . nev
bb & b b bb k
œ
˙
˙
n˙ .
but
there’s
one
thing
clear;
Œ
œ œ J
œ
œ œ œ
¿
er rise
up
to
(top) …
j nœ œ
œ
œ nœ œ
œ
er
com
pa - ny
fi
-
the
(TWIMBLE)
œ. ev
-
who -
∑
∑
œ the
-
-
res,
˙
˙
˙
˙
i
will
still
be 3
(TWIMBLE)
b & b bbbb w
∑
here!
b & b bbbb
œ
œ
Ó
∑ (FINCH)
∑
Ó
Œ
Œ
3
¿
¿ ¿ ¿ ¿
¿
¿
You
cer - tain - ly found
a
home!
#5—The Company Way
¿
¿ ¿ Œ
it’s
co - zy!
Œ
Ó
— 162 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
BUSINESS
I N
L
(TWIMBLE)
b & b bbbb
∑
∑
Ó
œ
Œ
The
w b b b (FINCH) b & b b
œ
Your
˙
nœ
œ.
is
a
com
brain
bb & b b bb œ . com
∑
-
b & b bbbb
œ œ J
œ
œ œ œ
œ
pa - ny
washed
it
now
and
nœ œ J
œ
pa - ny
brain;
œ
˙
˙
i
can’t
com
-
-
˙.
Œ
˙.
Œ
plain.
œ ∑
∑
∑
Ó
ΠThe
M
bb & b b bb
∑
œ
Ó
boy,
bb & b b bb œ . com
-
œ œ J
œ
pa - ny
mag
˙
˙
n˙ .
what
style,
what
punch!
Œ
œ
œ œ œ -
œ
Ó
∑
Ó
Œ
a - zine?
The
œ
bb & b b bb
∑
Ó
˙
˙
˙
day
same
lunch!
œ ev - ’ry
bb & b b bb œ . com
j nœ œ
œ
-
pa - ny
res
¿
¿
¿
Ó
Ó
∑
∑
¿ ¿ Ó
∑
œ nœ œ -
tau - rant?
n
bb & b b bb Œ
Their
bb & b b bb
had - dock
∑
¿
Œ
¿
sand - wich;
¿ ¿ it’s de
∑
-
li - cious!
Ó
Œ ¿ i
#5—The Company Way
¿ Œ must
¿ ¿ try
it.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
2
bb & b b bb
— 163 —
(FINCH)
Œ
o
#œ
#œ
nœ
do
you
have
(TWIMBLE)
b & b bbbb
∑
∑
Œ
nœ
nœ #˙ .
a
hob - by;
n˙ bb & b b bb Œ
i’ve
(FINCH)
#œ
nœ
∑
n˙.
∑
n˙ an
-
b & b bbbb Œ
#œ #˙ i
play
bb & b b bb
hob - bies?
y
#œ #˙
#˙ “gin”
∑
∑
nœ
#˙
with
Mis - ter
∑
bratt.
∑
Œ #œ #œ nœ and
do
you
A˙
œ
still
he
P
b & b bbbb
∑
∑
Œ
nœ
Œ
nœ #˙ .
n˙ Play
bb & b b bb Œ n˙
#œ
nœ n˙.
play
it
nice - ly?
it
nice - ly …
∑
∑
∑ (snaps fingers)
b & b bbbb œ blit
bb & b b bb
-
œ
œ
œ
œ
zes
me
in
ev
∑
-
œ
œ
’ry
game,
œ œ like
∑
that!
Ó
¿ Œ
Π(spoken)
¿ why?
#5—The Company Way
nœ ’Cause
Œ
— 164 —
HOW
q
(TWIMBLE)
bb w & b b bb
œ
i
play
T O
SUCCEED
BUSINESS
I N
˙
nœ
œ.
it
the
com
nœ œ J
œ
pa - ny
way,
-
(TWIMBLE)
b & b bbbb œ . ec
-
œ œ J
œ
u - tive
pol
œ œ œ
œ
i - cy
is
-
œ
˙
˙
by
me
o
œ
˙.
ex
˙. -
Œ
kay!
(FINCH)
œ
b & b bbbb
∑
∑
∑
Ó
Πhow
R
bb & b b bb
∑
bb & b b bb œ . can
bb & b b bb
-
œ œ J
œ
you get
an
œ
œ
Ó
œ œ œ -
y - where
œ
˙
˙
n˙.
Jun - ior,
have
no
fear;
¿
¿
(in
the) …
(TWIMBLE)
œ. ev
-
∑
who -
∑
œ
j nœ œ
œ
er
com
the
œ nœ œ
œ
pa - ny
fi
-
-
res,
˙
˙
˙
˙
i
will
still
be
(TWIMBLE)
bb & b b bb w
here!
b b b (FINCH) ˙ ˙ b & b b You
˙
œ œ
˙
œ œ
œ œ Ó
Year
aft - er
year
aft - er
fis - cal,
w
will
bb œ œ œ œ œ & b b bb
˙
˙
˙
still
be
here.
œ
w
nev - er take a risk - al
year!
bb œ œ œ œ œ & b b bb
w
Ó
∑
w
U w
œ Œ Ó
w
U w
œ
œ
nev - er take a risk - al
∑
Œ Ó year!
#5—The Company Way
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 165 —
The Company Way (Reprise) 6 bud: i know what you mean, Mr. Twimble. From now on …
a
In 2—as before
(BUD)
#
w
œ
∑
& C
i’ll
# œ. & ev
-
œ œ J
œ
er
com
the
˙
#œ
œ. #œ œ J
œ
it
the
com
way;
play
œ œ œ
œ
pa - ny
puts
-
-
pa - ny
œ
˙.
wher -
˙
˙
˙.
œ me
there
i’ll
stay.
Π(ALL)
#
œ ∑
&
∑
∑
Ó
Πwhat
b
-
(BUD)
#
œ
∑
&
∑
∑
Ó
Πwhat -
# œ. & ev
-
œ œ J
œ
er
com
the
# (BUD) & œ . # œj œ ev
-
er
œ œ œ
œ
pa - ny
tells
-
œ
˙
˙
#˙.
him,
that
he’ll
do
(ALL)
œ ˙ œ
my
œ #œ œ
œ
-
cle
think,
œ
˙
#œ
œ.
beam - ing
with
com
un
may
Œ
˙
œ œ
i
think
so
too.
(BUD)
#œ œ J
œ
pa - ny
pride;
œ
˙
˙
bi - tious
rat
in
& he’s
# & œ. con
œ
œ
quered that
o
œ J -
œ œ œ -
ver - am
œ -
œ
oo - oo - oo.
C
# w
œ
-
˙.
œ i’ve
˙. -
side.
(TWIMBLE)
œ
old
— 166 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
BUSINESS
I N
d
(BUD)
# (TWIMBLE) & œ . œJ œ œ bud
is no
long
œ
œ œ œ
œ
er
Frump
-
the
œ
˙
˙
#˙ .
he
used
to
be.
œ . # œj œ œ i
pledge
to the com -
n œœ
˙˙ ..
(ALL)
#
˙
&
œ #œ œ -
e
sweet
con
-
form
-
-
ty.
œ
œ
b˙ .
will
some - day
œ
˙
earn
œ Twen
F
-
ty
#
-
five
œ
Œ
me - dal …
year
em - ploy - ee.
œ
b˙ .
Ó
œ
bœ
the
med
Œ
˙.
see
to
it
that
-
al
(ALL)
G
˙
œ
œ
is
the
on
œ
œ
# n˙.
-
œ
œ
œ
œ ly
thing
they’ll
ev
˙
#œ
œ.
Frump
way
is
the
com
# œ. & -
# œ. & -
œ œ J
œ
œ œ œ
œ
u - tive
pol
œ œ J
œ
er
pres
be
-
i - cy
is
œ œ œ
œ
-
i - dent
but
#
˙.
bœ
on
me.
The
#œ œ J
œ
˙.
œ
pa - ny
way;
-
&
&
my
˙.
˙
bœ
# Œ
nev
bœ
b˙
i’ll
ec
œ
n˙
˙
n˙
h
hoo - ray!
b˙
# Œ
&
hoo - ray!
Œ
n˙
˙
&
i
˙˙
(BUD)
Πi
&
˙
œ
pa - ny
# &
nœ œ bœ
œ
œ
œ
er
pin
-
œ
ex
˙.
(BUD)
œ
œ
˙
˙
by
him
o
œ
˙
˙
#˙.
there’s
one
thing
clear;
˙
˙
˙
˙
i
will
still
be
-
kay!
i’ll
œ as
œ œ.
j #œ œ
œ
long
as
un
my
-
œ #œ œ
œ
cle
stand
can
me,
#6—The Company Way (Reprise)
-
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
i
# (BUD) w
w
w
— 167 —
œ Œ Ó
&
∑
here.
(WOMEN)
# ∑
&
œ
œ
œ œ œ Œ œ
˙
˙
œ we
know
the
com - pa - ny
or
œ
œ
œ
œ 3œ œ Œ œ
like
˙
˙
know
the
com - pa - ny
like
or
Π(MEN)
?#
∑
Πwe
Œ
?# Œ
(MEN)
if
they
œ
œ
choose
to,
œ
œ
œ œ œ
Œ
J
if
they
choose
Œ œ œ œ but
˙
will
nev
œ œ œ
?# Œ
but
#
they
will
j œ œ œ
play
it
play
#
the
nev
to,
œ œ œ Œ
œ
the
com - pa - ny
may
œ
œ œ œ
3
the
the
-
com
-
˙
œ . nœ J
com
-
pa - ny,
œ.
œ
œ
play
it
com
-
play
the
œ œ J
œ
it
com
the
dump Frump,
œ -
man…
man…
œ œ ˙
dump
œ
œ
the
an - y
man…
œ œ ˙
dump
com - pa - ny man,
œ œ
œ œ œ ˙
an - y
man…
Ó
œ
œ
Frump
will
œ
œ
Frump
will
œ
œ
Frump
will
œ
œ
Frump
will
(+BUD)
Ó the
com - pa - ny man,
œ
œ
œ.
j œ œ œ
Frump
will
play
it
œ
œ
œ.
œ œ œ J
Frump
will
play
it
œ œ œ
œ
œ œ œ ˙
dump Frump,
pa - ny,
an - y
bud: i’m happy!
œ œ
er
j œ œ
? # œ.
lump
may
j œ . #œ
er
an - y
œ œ œ ˙
com - pa - ny
˙
œ œ œ
œ œ œ J it
-
˙
œ.
? # œ.
&
they
lump
Œ
#
&
œ
Πand
k
may
œ œ œ ˙
3
œ œ œ and
&
may
(WOMEN)
# &
bud: i’m so proud!
3
the
the
com
com
œ œ œ -
pa - ny,
œ œ œ -
pa - ny,
œ
˙˙
^ ww ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ œj ‰ Œ w
pa -
ny
way,
œ
˙˙
pa -
ny
Frump!
ww ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ œ^ w J ‰ Œ way,
#6—The Company Way (Reprise)
Ó
Frump!
Ó
— 168 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
Rosemary’s Philosophy
7
FinCh: Rosemary, i’ve got a surprise for you. Mr. Gatch is taking me to lunch.
6
# 4 Sadly—In 4 & 4
book VoiCe: nothing can stop you now.
U ∑
1-6
(ROSEMARY) 3
# &
8
œ œ œ œ.
7
œ œ œ œ
hap - py to keep his din - ner warm
8
3
ten
3
œ
Œ œ
9
œ œ
Till
he
comes
10
œ œœ ˙ wear - i - ly home.
Hedy (Tacet)
U ∑
Π11
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 169 —
A Secretary Is Not A Toy Jenkins: i’d sure like to determine them. Men: Me, too, etc., etc. bRaTT: Gentlemen … (BRATT) (spoken)
3 &b4
Œ
Œ
¿ ¿ ¿
Œ #œ
œ
a
sec
Gen - tle - men!
œ
Œ
&b œ
a
(sung)
∑
9
Œ nœ -
œ
re
-
tar
a
toy,
-
y
is
œ
˙.
œ
no,
my
boy;
not
a
toy
œ.
j œ
nœ
#œ
œ.
œ
j œ
and
play
ly
han
dle
in
˙.
Œ
œ
b˙
not
œ bœ
œ
˙
to
b
&b œ fon
-
œ.
j œ
#œ
dle
and
dan
-
dle
œ -
ful
-
-
rall.
&b C
œ
œ
nœ
#œ œ ˙
search
of
some
pu - er - ile
Œ
joy.
U ˙
œ
no,
a
œ œ œ
œ
a tempo
&b œ
Œ
Œ
œ
sec
-
re
&b œ
Œ
Œ
œ -
tar
Œ
not,
d
˙
-
œ
bœ
œ
y
is
not
Œ
def - i - nite
œ
˙.
a
toy.
Soft shoe tempo—In 4
# # # 12 (dialogue) 8 &
5
Œ
U ∑
-
ly
U ∑
# # # 12 8
4
b
— 170 —
HOW
e
SUCCEED
T O
3
&b
I N
BUSINESS
(3 BOYS)
Ó.
Œ.
‰
j #œ
‰
a
F
j & b œ n œ œ œ b œ œ œJ œ . sec - re - tar - y
&b
is not
a toy,
no,
not
jump - ing
for
joy,
boy.
j nœ œ nœ bœ œ
&b œ sec
go
-
re - tar - y
is
h
&b œ sec
-
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
œ
a
sec
to
is
not
be
-
re - tar - y
is
a
‰ Œ.
not
Ó.
‰ ‰ # œj
Œ.
is
œ
bœ
œ œ. J
used
for
ther
œ
œ #œ
œ
be
to
the
you
good
mat - ter what
re - tar - y
not,
j nœ œ nœ bœ œ
(ALL) ‰ ‰ œj œ
j nœ œ nœ bœ œ -
is
a
j j & b œ n œ œ œ b œ œj ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ # œ
sec
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
toy.
Œ.
&b œ
so
re - tar - y
∑
re - tar - y
no
toy;
j nœ œ œ bœ œ -
‰ ‰ œj
Œ.
(4 GIRLS)
Œ.
œ œ. J
mem - ber,
Ó.
‰ œ
G
j nœ œ œ bœ œ
& b Ó.
a
œ sec
not,
‰ ‰ n œj œ . a
not
a
(+GIRLS)
& b Œ.
my boy,
(2 BOYS) ‰ œ Aœ J
œ œ œ œ #œ œ œ do
j œ œ
œ œ. bœ J
not
neu
‰ Œ.
girl
play
-
œ
‰ œ
a - py.
‰
œ
œ em - ploy,
j œ nœ œ N œ bœ -
j œ
boy;
trou - ble you’ve got,
Œ.
‰ ‰
a
#9—A Secretary Is Not A Toy
toy.
Re
-
j ‰ ‰ ‰ ‰ # œj œ
rot - ic
j nœ œ
Aœ J
‰ Œ.
a
bbbbbb
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
3
i
bb & b b bb
(ALL)
Ó.
Œ.
j œ œ
she’s
bb & b b bb œ op -
J
j j œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ high - ly
a
j j ‰ ‰ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ
œ
er - a - tion - al
fine
un - i - ty…
a
j bb & b b bb œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ Œ . serve
— 171 —
spe - cial - ized
j œ œ œ œ
key
com - po - nent of
nœ
j œ œ œ œ
and sen - si - tive mech - a - ni - sm
Ó.
∑
(MEN) ‰ œ œ bbb
Œ.
with
the of - fice com - mun - i - ty.
k
at
a
(BUD)
b & b b œ œ œ nœ . moth - er
to
Œ.
œ
home
œ.
œ J
she
Œ.
Œ.
‰ œ
sup
-
ports,
œ
and you’ll
(MISS KRUMHOLTZ)
bb
œ.
& b œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ bœ nœ find noth - ing
like
her
at
F.
a.
Ó.
∑
o. schwarz!
a
L
b œ œ. & b b œ n œj œ œ b œ œ J
œ œ. bœ J
b &b b œ
œ A œj
sec - re - tar - y
day
a pet,
nor
. œ œ #œ œ œ œ
hap - pened
b &b b œ
is not
to
Char - lie
Mc - Coy,
j nœ œ nœ bœ œ the
fel - low
for - got
‰ ‰ # œj
Œ.
boy.
an
e
(MISS KRUMHOLTZ & BOYS)
j œ œ -
‰
Ó.
Œ.
‰ ‰ j œ
œ
rec - tor set.
it
j œ nœ œ œ bœ œ
They
fi
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
œ
a
sec
-
-
red him like
a shot …
j nœ œ nœ bœ œ re - tar - y
#9—A Secretary Is Not A Toy
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
is not …
The
‰ ‰ ‰
j nœ a
— 172 —
M
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
Ó.
‰ Œ.
& b œ
7
n
Dance—Slightly faster
bb
BUSINESS
I N
∑
toy.
b
o
(all whistle)
j j # Œ . ‰ ‰ #œ œ œ œ œ n œ œJ œ . œ
& b Ó.
œ œ. œ œ ‰ bœ J Jœ
∑ (ALL)
# Ó.
&
j j j j ‰ ‰ ‰ #œ œ nœ œ œ nœ ‰ ‰ ‰ #œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ
œ Nœ J
Œ.
a
œ
&
sec
P
-
re - tar - y
is
‰
Œ
not…
œ when
#
œ.
a
toy.
you
n œœœ œ
‰ ‰ ‰ œj
œ #œ œ œ œ J
&
j #œ
j œ ‰ ‰ Œ.
‰ ‰ œj and
(a la Barber Shop)
Ad. Lib.
#
&
(BOYS) (sing)
j nœ œ #œ nœ œ
#
put her to use;
ob
-
œœœ œ
œœœ # œœ œœ ‰ " œœ œ # œœ œœ œœ J
serve, when you
put
her
to
(BUD)
œœœ ... œ.
‰ œ œ
use,
That you
q a tempo
nœ œ œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ #œ œ. don’t find the name “Li - o - neL” on her
(3 GIRLS)
Ó.
∑
‰ ‰ # œj b b b
Œ.
ca - boose.
a
R
b &b b œ sec
b & b b œ. pad
b & b b œ.
that’s
-
j nœ œ œ bœ œ re - tar - y
‰
is
œ œ. J
not
a
j‰ ‰ j œ œ # œ œ œ is to write
in
bœ
thing
wound
j œ œ #œ
œ.
and
not
œ
j œ #œ .
œ
j œ
what
you plan
to
en
œ œ. J by
key,
œ
j œ
pulled
by string.
Ó.
Œ.
j œ Œ.
j nœ
œ
her
‰ ‰ j œ
spend the night in…
œ. -
joy.
Œ.
if
¿. no!
#9—A Secretary Is Not A Toy
Œ.
∑
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(ALL)
b & b b Ó.
Œ.
b &b b œ def
j nœ œ -
i - nite
b j &b b ‰ ‰ œ œ or
bb
j nœ œ
& b œ mem
you
-
ber this,
-
Œ
ly
j #œ
œ
The
sec
not
j bœ know
s
j nœ œ œ bœ œ
-
re - tar - y
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
j bœ œ
ployed
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
œ
j nœ œ
fore
you jump
œ
be
T
‰ # œj is
do
a
‰ Œ. œ
ga - votte…
‰ ‰ ‰ # œj
j bœ œ for
joy
Re -
(finger snaps)
j j j j ¿ ‰ ‰ ¿ ‰ ‰ ¿ ‰ ‰ ¿ ‰ ‰
‰ Œ.
my boy,
-
to
‰
y’ - got
-
what.
‰
j nœ œ nœ bœ
œ
em
j bœ œ
— 173 —
(ALL) (sing)
b & b b ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿j ‰ ‰ ¿ ‰ # œ
œ
a
sec
-
j nœ œ œ bœ œ re - tar - y
is
‰ Œ.
not.
U b & b b Ó.
‰ ‰ œ œ J a
œ J
Tin - ker
œœ .. œ.
Œ.
Ó.
∑
Toy!
The Executives’ Exit (Tacet)
∑
Segue
9a
— 174 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
Been A Long Day
10
RoseMaRY: on where i’m having dinner. sMiTTY: huh? oh!
With a light swing—In 4
3
4 &b4
a
(SMITTY)
Ó
Œ
œ well,
&b œ œ œ œ œ fin - ish
BUSINESS
I N
of
œ
a long
œ
œ
˙.
here it
five
P.
M.,
œ
œ
œ œ œ œ œ
work …
&b
œ
and
and
b
there they are,
not
ver - y
much
not
‰ n˙
to
say…
both
ver - y
but
i
can
them,
The
j œ
well
j œ œ œ
˙.
of
œ bœ œ .
œ
clerk …
j œ
œ bœ œ .
œ
w
the
The
œ œ œ œ
&b sec - re - tar - y
is
œ
œ
˙.
day’s
œ œ œ
ac
œ
˙.
-
quaint - ed,
œ
œ
œ
œ œ
hear
those
two
lit - tle
3
&b C
Ó ˙.
w
‰ #œ .
way.
now
œ œ œ
minds
tick - ing
a
-
bbb
(SMITTY)
b &b b ˙
she’s
b &b b Ó
Œ
∑
Œ
think - ing
‰ # œj
Œ
œ and
(ROSEMARY)
Œ
b &b b ˙ b &b b Ó
Ó
œ œ
i
he’s
∑
œ . #œ œ . œ œ . œ nœ
b˙
won - der if
bus...
we take the same
∑
Ó
∑
∑
Ó
Œ œ
œ œ
think - ing:
Œ
now,
(FINCH)
‰ œj There
œ . œ œ . œ œ . œ bœ
˙
could be quite a thing be - tween
us...
Ó
∑
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
d
— 175 —
(SMITTY)
b &b b ˙
Œ
Ó
Œ
j œ
˙
and
he’s
‰
œ œ
she’s
think - ing:
b &b b Ó
Œ
b &b b
(ROSEMARY)
‰
j œ
œ . œ œ . bœ œ
he
real - ly
is
a
∑
Œ œ œ think - ing:
Œ
∑
dear,
(FINCH)
∑
Ó
Œ
j œ
‰
but
b &b b
&
Ó
Œ
j œ
œ œ Œ
and
she says:
‰
‰ œj
Œ
and
nœ œ Œ
Ó
he says:
¿
bbb
∑
Œ
∑
Ó (Yawn)
bb
& b
œ. what
&
bbb
&
bbb
Œ
œ œ . Nœ œ of my
∑
ca-reer,
j œ œ.
Ó
well, it’s
∑
Ó
œ œ. J well, it’s
well,
œ
œ. œ œ
˙
œ œ. J
it’s
been
day;
well, it’s
b & b b œ. œ œ been
a long,
b & b b œ. œ œ been
a long,
b œ. œ œ &b b been
a long,
err...uh...
e
∑
b &b b œ
O
Ó
a long
œ. œ œ
œ. œ œ
been
been
a long,
a long,
œ. œ œ
œ. œ œ
been
been
a long,
a long,
œ. œ œ
œ. œ œ
been
been
a long,
a long,
3
œ œ œ œ
˙.
‰ #œ .
been
day.
now,
a
3
long
Œ
œ œ œ œ
˙.
been
day.
a
long
œ œ œ œ been
3
a
long
˙.
∑
Ó
Œ
∑
∑
Œ
∑
∑
day.
#10—Been A Long Day
— 176 —
F
&
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
BUSINESS
I N
(SMITTY)
bbb
Œ
˙
∑
∑
Ó
Œ œ
œ œ
she’s
think - ing:
b &b b Ó
‰ # œj
Œ
and
(ROSEMARY) i
œ . #œ œ . œ wish
œ. œ nœ
that he were more of
Ó
b˙
a
∑
flirt.
(SMITTY)
bb
Œ
& b ˙
∑
Ó
Œ œ
œ œ
he’s
think - ing:
b &b b Ó
Œ
now,
(FINCH) ‰ œj œ . œ œ . œ œ . œ b œ i
G
∑
guess
˙
a lit - tle flirt - ing won’t
Ó
∑
hurt.
(SMITTY)
b &b b ˙ œ œ Œ
Œ ‰ œj
Ó
she’s think - ing:
b &b b Ó
and
(ROSEMARY)
‰ j œ
Œ
œ . œ œ . bœ
For
b &b b
˙ œ œ Œ he’s think - ing:
œ Œ
Then,
∑
din - ner we could meet.
∑
∑ (FINCH)
∑
Ó Œ
‰ ¿j we
b &b b œ œ Œ Œ
‰ œj
nœ œ Œ
and
he says:
she says:
b &b b Ó
¿
Ó
¿. ¿ ¿ ¿. ¿ Œ both have got to eat.
∑
Ó
∑
Ó
(sneeze)
b &b b
∑
j œ œ. well, it’s
RoseMaRY: Thank you.
∑
Œ
Œ ‰ œj
Ó
œ œ. J well, it’s
Œ
‰ ¿j ¿
¿ Œ
Ge - sund - heit!
œ œ œ. œ œ
˙
œ œ. J
well, it’s been a long
day;
well, it’s
#10—Been A Long Day
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
h
(SMITTY)
3
b & b b œ. œ œ been
a long,
(ROSEMARY)
œ. œ œ
œ.
been
˙.
been
a long,
been
day.
œ. œ œ
œ.
œ œ
œ œ œ œ
˙.
been
been
a long,
been
day.
œ. œ œ
œ.
œ œ
œ œ œ œ
a long,
been
been
a long,
been
b œ. œ œ &b b been
a long,
¿ hey!
&
a long,
a long,
i
(SMITTY)
b &b b Ó
bbb
a long,
a
long
3
& b œ. œ œ been
Œ
œ œ
œ œ œ œ
bb
(FINCH)
— 177 —
œ. œ
There’s
a
a
long
3
a
˙.
long
j œ œ.
Yum - my Fri - day spe - cial at
stouf - fer’s;
‰.
Œ
dol - lar nine - ty veg’ - ta - ble
J
r œ œ. œ
œ
plate.
and on
the
b (SMITTY) &b b ‰ j . nœ œ To
make
b˙
nœ #œ
œ
˙
bad …
“ser - vice
for
two,
bot - tom
make
(SMITTY)
‰ #œ . now,
b &b b
∑
it's fate!
the ad …
three
fif
˙
œ -
ty - eight;
∑ (ROSEMARY) 3
∑
Ó
¿ ¿ ¿ Œ won - der - ful.
k
Œ
˙
∑
∑
œ œ
she's think - ing:
(ROSEMARY)
Ó
‰ # œj
Œ
what
(FINCH)
j b &b b ‰ ¿ ¿ Ó
nœ #œ
a date.”
∑
b &b b Ó
of
œ . nœ œ
œ
a bar - gain,
b &b b
it’s
Ó
Œ œ œ
œ. œ
3
œ not
œ
œ . œ nœ. œ ˙
3
b &b b Œ
Œ
day.
œ. nœ œ . œ œ. œ œ
bœ œ . œ œ œ . nœ œ.
Œ
3
œ. #œ œ œ œ œ. œ nœ
b˙
fe - male
spring?
kind of trap could
∑ #10—Been A Long Day
∑
i
Ó
∑
a
— 178 —
HOW
Œ
b &b b
˙
and
he’s
BUSINESS
(SMITTY)
∑
∑
œ œ
think - ing:
Ó
Œ
(FINCH)
‰ œj
œ . œ nœ . œ œ . œ bœ
˙
i
might as well for - get the whole
thing.
Ó
L
Œ
Œ ‰ j œ
˙
œ œ think - ing:
and
he’s
˙
Œ
œ now,
she’s
∑
Ó
(ROSEMARY)
Ó
‰ œj
Œ
œ . œ œ . bœ
sup
b &b b
I N
Œ
œ
∑
b &b b
SUCCEED
(SMITTY)
b &b b Ó
b &b b Ó
T O
∑
-
pose i
take
∑
Œ œ œ think - ing:
œ Œ
∑
his arm …
(FINCH)
∑
Ó
‰ œj
Œ
well,
lunga
b &b b Ó
Œ
‰ œj Then,
b &b b
∑
œ œ Œ
Œ
‰ œj
she says:
Ó
and
¿ ¿ Œ
3 U œ œ Œ Œ Œ "¿
he says:
lunga
Œ
hun - gry?
b & b b œ œ . œ . Nœ œ real - ly,
what’s
Œ
∑
the harm?
U Œ Œ ¿ "Œ Yeah!
lunga
Œ
U Œ ¿ Yeah!
#10—Been A Long Day
Yeah!
3
"Œ
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
M
(SMITTY)
b &b b œ
well,
œ
œ. œ œ
˙
j œ œ.
it’s
been
a long
day;
well, it’s
œ
œ. œ œ
˙
œ œ. J
it’s
been
a long
day;
well, it’s
œ. œ œ
˙
œ œ. J
been
day;
well, it’s
(ROSEMARY)
b &b b œ
well,
b (FINCH) &b b œ œ well,
b & b b œ. been
b & b b œ. been
bb
œ. & b been
it’s
œ œ œ œ
˙.
a long,
been
day.
œ œ
œ œ œ œ
˙.
a long,
been
day.
œ œ
œ œ œ œ
a long,
been
œ. œ œ & b œ. œ œ a long,
b œ. œ œ &b b been
? b b b
a long,
œœ .. œœ œœ been
a long,
3
a
3
a
œ. œ œ
been
been
a long,
long
long
˙.
long
œ. œ œ
been
been
a long,
œ. œ œ
been
been
a long,
(ALTO) (TENOR)
?
Œ
been
been
been a long
day.
œ œ œ œ
w
a long,
œœ .. œœ œœ been
a long,
been
a long,
œœ .. œœ œœ been
a long,
3
been a long
day.
œœ œœ œœ œœ
ww
3
been a long
#10—Been A Long Day
œ
well
it’s
>˙
>œ
well
it’s
day.
>œœ
Π(BASS)
w w
been
>œ
˙
>˙ (BARITONE) ˙
œ œ3 œ œ œ œ œ œ
œ. œ œ
>˙
Œ
Œ
œ. œ œ œ. œ œ
œ. œ œ
a long,
(SOP.)
Œ
day.
a long,
a long,
œ. œ œ
œ. œ œ œ. œ œ a long,
a long,
œ. œ œ
Œ
œ œ
a
œ. œ œ
(CHORUS) (sings)
3
bb
been
a long
— 179 —
well
it’s
œ Œ œ
Ó
œ Œ
Ó
œœ Œ
Ó
— 180 —
HOW
11
Tempo as before—In 4
b 4 &b b4
3
(BUD)
Ó
‰ #œ. now
(BUD)
b &b b ˙
he’s
b &b b Ó
Πthink - ing:
∑
b &b b
Ó
The
b˙
kid could real - ly put me through
hell!
kid could
e - ven name the
Œ
ho
-
Ó
∑
tel.
∑
∑
Ó
Œ
think - ing:
œ
now
œ
(HEDY)
∑
he’s
b &b b Ó
∑
Ó
Œ
j œ
‰
There’s
œ œ Œ think - ing:
Ó
Œ
(BIGGLEY)
‰ j œ
Œ
3
i
in
the
Ó
won - der
˙
and
she’s
if
he’d
œ Œ
œ
think - ing:
Œ
∑
œ dare…
∑
Œ
Ó
O
air.
Œ
down?
‰ œj and
∑
‰ œj
3
œ . œ œ œ bœ
œ . œ œ œ Nœ œ black - mail
b &b b
˙
∑
œ
(BUD) bbb ˙
b &b b
Ó
œ . #œ œ . œ œ . œ nœ
(HEDY) ‰ œj œ . œ œ . œ œ . œ b œ
Œ
b &b b
b &b b
Œ œ and
‰ # œj
˙ she’s
b
Ó
(BIGGLEY)
Œ
(BUD)
b &b b
∑
œ œ
The
&
BUSINESS
I N
Been A Long Day (Reprise)
bud: she loves dinner with me. i tell her everything that happens all day at the office.
a
SUCCEED
T O
œ œ Œ
Œ
‰ œj
nœ
œ Œ
and
she
says:
he says:
Œ
¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ it’s
a hold - up!
∑
Ó
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
& b
>
œ
œ.
œ œ
œ.
œ œ
well,
it’s
been
a
long,
been
a
>˙
œ
œ.
œ œ
œ.
œ œ
well,
it’s
been
a
long,
been
a
˙
œ
œ.
œ œ
œ.
œ œ
>
it’s
been
a
been
a
(BUD)
Œ
biGGLeY: wait a minute! okay, you’re promoted.
(BIGGLEY)
U ∑
b &b b
˙
Œ
U ∑
b &b b
C
(HEDY)
U ∑
bb
Œ
well,
bb
& b b &b b b &b b
b &b b
— 181 —
long,
long,
long,
long,
3
œ. œ œ
œ œ œ œ
˙
been
been
day.
a
long,
a
long
œ. œ œ
œ 3œ œ œ
˙
been
been
day.
a
long,
a
long
∑
Ó
Ó
Ó
∑
>. œ
j œ
well,
it’s
œ. œ œ
œ. œ œ
been
been
a
long,
a
long,
3
œ œ œ œ
˙
been
been
day.
a
long,
a
(BUD)
long
∑
Ó
œ. œ œ
∑
3
Ó
œ. œ œ
œ œ œ œ
˙
been
been
day.
a
long,
a
long
∑
Ó
Saturday Morning (Tacet)
Œ
¿ ha!
11a
— 182 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
BUSINESS
I N
Grand Old Ivy
12 FinCh: we’ll be rooting for ’em. Right? biGGLeY: Right.
March tempo
(BIGGLEY)
(FINCH)
Ó
&bC Ó
œ
œœ
œ.
Grr
-
œ
œ.
œœ
˙
˙
firm
and
˙
˙
Grr
round - hog!
a
œ
-
œ
round - hog!
4
&b
(BIGGLEY)
&b
Ó
Ó
w
w
˙
w
w
˙
stand
old
i
-
vy,
stand
w
w
w
w
strong.
b
&b
˙ w
w
˙
Grand
C
&b
old
w
i
-
#˙
vy,
hear
˙
the
cheer - ing
throng.
(BIGGLEY & FINCH)
w w
˙
w
stand
old
i
-
˙
w
˙ vy
and
˙
nev
-
w
er
yield.
d
~~ œ
& b ˙.
¿ ~~ ~ ~~
Rrr
-
rip!
Œ
bœ
Œ ¿ ~~~~~~
Rrr
-
Œ
~œ
Œ ¿ ~ ~~ ~~
rip!
Rrr
-
Œ
Œ
œ
rip
the
(FINCH)
˙
&b ˙ Chip
-
munk
Œ nœ
w
w
w
off
the
field.
# œ
œ when
you
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
e
# (FINCH) ˙
& fall
œ
œ
on
the
w
∑
ball,
∑
(BIGGLEY)
# ∑
&
∑
Œ
˙ and
#
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ down at
#œ
nœ
#œ
nœ
œ
you’re
down
there
at
the
#œ Œ Ó
∑
&
— 183 —
the bot - tom of the
∑
heap,
# Œ œ #œ œ œ œ
&
Œ #˙
∑
bot - tom of the heap,
#
œ #œ nœ #œ
the
mud
where
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ∑
&
nœ
down
in the crud - dy, mud - dy
is,
#œ Œ Ó
oh,
so
∑
deep,
# nœ œ œ œ bœ Œ
&
∑
Ó
œ œ
ver - y, ver - y deep,
F
#
˙
œ
œ
don’t for
b˙
œ
That’s
#
why
˙
they
call
us,
œ
b˙
œ
œ why
they
œ
Ó
call
œ
Œ
They
Œ
& That’s
Ó
Œ
&
Ó
œ
Œ
us,
They
-
b˙
˙
get,
boy,
b˙
œ
call
us
b˙
œ
call
us
Œ
Œ
# &
œ
∑
œ
Grrround - hog!
œ
Ó
∑
Ó
∑
Grrround - hog!
# œ
&
∑
Ó
œ
œ
Grrround - hog!
G
Grrround - hog!
#
w w
&
œ
˙
stand
w
˙ old
i
-
vy,
Ó
Ó
# &
œ
œ
Grrround - hog!
Ó
Ó œ
Grr
œ œ -
œ
œ
round - hog
#12—Grand Old Ivy
œ
Rrr
œ œ -
— 184 —
&
HOW
# (FINCH) w
SUCCEED
T O
˙
BUSINESS
I N
˙ w
stand
#
Œ
œ
&
firm
(BIGGLEY)
Œ
rip,
h
and
Œ
¿ ~~~~~ # œ
Rrr
-
strong.
Œ
Œ
œ ¿ ~~~~~~~
rip,
Rrr
#
w
-
Œ
œ
œ
rip
the
Ó
œ
Chip - munk!
˙
&
w
w
˙
Grand
old
i
˙
#w
w -
vy,
# & w
˙
Grand
old
w
i
i
# ˙
& #˙
˙
hear
the
#˙
˙
Ó
˙
w
cheer - ing
vy,
-
w
˙
˙
˙
throng.
stand
old
# ˙
& hear
#
the
œ Œ ˙
˙
cheer - ing
w
œ
&
throng.
Œ
œ Ó
w ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ œ
Grr
-
Ó
Ó œ œœ
round - hog!
˙
w
Grr
-
˙ w
i
-
vy
Ó
Œ
# &
œ
œ
round - hog!
Œ œ
˙ ~~~~~~~ Rrr
-
¿ God
J
# &
(shouted)
~~~ œ
Œ
and
nev
w
#˙
and
nev
(sung)
¿
¿
bless you …
~bœ
Œ ¿ ~~~~~
rip,
Rrr
-
Œ
-
-
er
yield.
˙
w
er
yield.
Œ ¿ ~~~ ~~
rip,
Rrr
-
~œ
Œ
Œ
rip
œ the
# œ
&
Œ
˙ ~~~~~~~~~~ œ
Rrr
-
rip,
˙
w
munk
off
˙ Chip
-
# &
Œ
bœ ¿ ~~~~~~
Rrr
-
Œ
Œ
rip,
˙ Chip
b˙ -
munk
w
off
nœ ¿ ~~~~~~
Rrr
w
# &
Œ
-
rip
œ
w
Œ
Œ œ the
(Cheerleader’s jump)
¿
Œ
Œ
the
field.
w
ww
the
field.
#12—Grand Old Ivy
œœ
(Cheerleader’s jump)
¿
Œ
Œ
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 185 —
Grand Old Ivy (Reprise)
13
biGGLeY: That’s the Groundhog spirit.
March tempo
(FINCH & BIGGLEY)
&bC Ó
Ó œœ
œ.
Grr
a
&b
4
-
œ
Ó
Ó
œ
round - hog!
œ
œœ
œ.
Grr
-
w
œ
round - hog!
˙
˙
stand
&b
w
w
old
˙
w
˙ w
i
-
stand
b
~~ œ
& b ˙.
&b ˙
vy,
¿ ~~ ~ ~~
Rrr
˙
Chip - munk
-
Œ
firm
~bœ
Œ ¿ ~~~~~
rip,
Rrr
-
Œ
and
strong.
~œ
Œ ¿ ~ ~~ ~~
rip,
Rrr
œ Œ Ó
w
w
w
off
the
field.
Vassar (Tacet)
-
Œ
rip
Π2
13a
œ the
— 186 —
14
14a
14b
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
Hedy’s Walk (Tacet)
Onward And Upward (Tacet)
Girlsville (Tacet)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 187 —
Paris Original
15
sMiTTY: Maybe i will be, at that. i’m thinking of starting a secret rumor that i’m a nymphomaniac.
2
In 2
b &b bC
U ∑
4 4
Briskly—In 4
a
(ROSEMARY)
b 4 & b b 4 œ nœ i
œ
slipped out
b & b b œ nœ most
b
ex
b & b b œ #œ sleek
this
œ -
œ nœ
œ
af - ter - noon
œ
gay
Par
œ
œ
œ #œ nœ .
œ #œ
b &b b œ
nœ
œ
œ
œ
me!
it’s
me!
it’s
ab
b & b b b˙
and
mag - ni - fique, with
so
Ó
Ó
œ.
nœ -
-
lute
Œ
-
bœ
in
-
sur - ance,
a
#œ
˙.
bw -
œ nœ
˙
ee.
sex
be - yond
j œ
bw
ly
me!
it’s
j œ nœ en
-
œ nœ
˙
dur - ance.
it’s
˙.
œ and
∑
nœ
why?
C
love
from
dress
chic
bought some
j œ
nœ
and
and
j œ
œ.
œ nœ
œ.
œ
œ
clu - sive
œ
œ œ
w
one
guy!
Slightly slower and deliberate
bb
& b
œ
œ ˙
This
b &b b w i’m
ir
-
re
œ
œ -
sist
-
nœ wear
-
i
-
˙
˙
ble
Par
˙
œ
ing
to
-
w -
night;
œ
œ
is
o
œ
œ -
rig
-
w
i
-
˙
nal
— 188 —
d
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
#œ ˙
œ
œ Œ Ó
wear - ing
to
BUSINESS
I N
3
(ROSEMARY)
b &b b w
i’m
Ó
night
-
œ ˙
œ
˙
’special - ly
for
him.
œ
œ
is
o
e
b &b b
œ
œ ˙
This
ir
-
œ
œ
re
-
sist
-
i
˙
-
˙
ble
Par
-
b &b b w
nœ
˙
œ
w
all
paid
for
and
mine.
œ
œ -
rig
-
i -
˙
nal’s
w 3
F
b &b b w
#œ œ Œ œ
i
must look
di
Ó
˙ -
Ó
vine
œ ˙
œ
˙
’special - ly
for
him.
G
b & b b bœ œ œ nœ œ sud - den - ly
b &b b
he
j œ
œ œ œ.
will
see
me,
and
bœ œ œ nœ œ sud - den - ly
he’ll
œ
go
dream - y,
3
3
bœ œ œ nœ œ blame it all
on
his
œ œ.
n˙
œ bœ œ
w
own
mas - cu - line
whim.
œ
œ ˙
This
b &b b w so
ir
-
re
œ
œ -
nœ
sist
-
i
˙
-
ble
˙
tempt - ing
˙
-
Par
œ
œ
ly
tight,
and
3
œ œ bœ œ œ bœ nev - er
know - ing that …
h
b &b b
-
#15—Paris Original
Œ
œ
œ
is
o
Ó
œ
œ -
j œ
rig
-
i
-
˙
nal,
∑
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 189 —
i
b (ROSEMARY) &b b w i’m
˙
œ
˙
’special - ly
for
him.
œ
to
Œ
Ó
w
œ
wear - ing
b &b b Ó J
˙
#œ
night
-
Ó
Ó
Œ
∑
Ó
œ
˙
œ
˙
For
him.
For
him.
8
Più mosso
bb
& b k
(ROSEMARY) (last time)
b & b b ..
∑
Ó
..
Œ
Ó
Ó
Ó
Œ
œ
˙
œ
˙
For
him.
For
him...
∑
L
b &b b ˙
This
œ
œ ir
-
œ
œ
re
-
sist
-
i
-
˙
˙
ble
Par
-
œ
œ
is
o
œ
œ -
rig
-
(1st GIRL enters)
b &b b w
˙
œ
wear - ing
to
nœ
i’m
-
˙
nal
(ROSEMARY take)
w -
i
œ
Œ
Ó
night …
M
b &b b w she’s
#œ ˙
œ
wear - ing
to
-
3
Œ Ó
Ó
˙
œ ˙
night
and
i
œ
œ
could
spit!
œ
œ
n
b &b b
œ
œ ˙
some
ir
-
re
œ
œ -
spon - si
-
˙
˙
ble
dress
man - u
œ -
œ
˙
fac - tur -
er
(looks at 1st GIRL)
b &b b w
nœ
just
did
-
˙
œ
˙
n’t
play
fair.
#15—Paris Original
Ó
∑
— 190 —
o
bb
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
(ROSEMARY & 1ST GIRL )
(ROSEMARY)
& b w
#œ ˙
œ
w
one
a
pair
œ
œ
i’m
P
bb &b b b Œ
BUSINESS
I N
of
(2nd GIRL enters) (spoken)
œ ˙ and
œ
i
U ¿ Œ
Πcould…
oh,
no!
œ
œ
bbbbb
(MISS KRUMHOLTZ)
œ
œ This
ir
œ
-
re
-
sist
-
i
˙
-
ble
Par
-
˙
œ
œ
is
o
-
rig
-
i
˙
-
nal,
(3rd GIRL enters)
bb &b b b w
nœ
all
slin
bb &b b b w
nœ
-
˙
œ
w
ky
with
sin…
˙
œ
w
slunk
in
œ
Œ
Ó
œ
˙
q
al
-
read
&
b œ
Œ
b &b b
could
(ALL THREE) (sung)
(spoken)
bbb
∑
œ
œ This
ir
-
re
-
œ
˙
and
i
œ
œ
œ
could
kill
˙
œ
her.
and
œ
i
could...
sist
-
i
-
˙
˙
ble
Par
-
œ
œ
is
o
œ
œ -
rig
-
i
-
˙
nal,
(She turns and sees others)
bb
& b w
nœ
Très
sex
-
˙
œ
˙.
y,
n’est–ce
pas?
Œ
∑
(ALL)
b &b b w
#œ
God
b &b b
i
(SMITTY)
˙
s
and
Ó
die.
R
y
(ROSEMARY & 1ST GIRL)
(3rd GIRL exits)
bbbb
-
œ
-
œ
dam - mit,
Œ
˙
œ voi
-
là!
(more girls enter)
Œ
Ó
Ó
œ spit!
#15—Paris Original
4
œ
˙
œ
and
i
could
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
2
T
b &b b
(MISS JONES enters)
— 191 —
(ALL) (crestfallen groan)
2
Ó
O oh!
u
b &b b
(sung) Thir - ty - nine bucks
i
sud - den - ly
b &b b
i’ve
hand out
For
œ œ Œ ‰ œj
œ œ nœ œ
bœ
some - thing to
make me
stand out,
œ
nœ
œ
œ bœ œ
in -
to
mim - e - o
-
˙
gone
and
(MISS JONES) (spoken)
3
b & b b bœ œ œ nœ V
œ œ Œ ‰ œj
bœ œ œ nœ œ
¿
w -
œ
O
graph…
some
laugh!
(ALL)
Œ œ
œ œ
This
b &b b w This
ir
-
œ
œ
re
-
sist
-
i
˙
ble
Par
‰ œ ˙ J
nœ mass
-
-
œ
œ
is
o
w
pro - duced
œ
œ -
rig
-
œ
i
Œ
-
˙
nal,
Ó
crime,
w
b &b b w i’m
b n ww & b b n ww
˙
œ
wear - ing
to
#œ
œ -
night
bœ Œ b b œœœ
œœ œœ
b bb œœœœ
for
the
ver
ww ww
ww ww
œœ œœ
time!
Tag
& b ..
2
..
#15—Paris Original
-
œœ œœ
˙˙ ˙˙
y
last
U Ó
Œ
b
Segue on applause to Tag
U ∑
"
— 192 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
16
The Company Way (A la Dance Band) (Tacet)
16a
The Executive Landing (Tacet)
17
Elevator Dance (Tacet)
17a
Ethereal Grandeur (Tacet)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 193 —
Rosemary (On reaction to kiss)
Freely
4 &4
(FINCH)
U ∑
Rose
(Ad Lib. under talk)
jU œ œ.
˙
∑
-
-
mar - y.
U ∑
C
6
4 4
Lyrically—In 4 (FINCH)
4 &4 œ œ œ
œ
sud - den - ly
œ
œ
there
œ
is
œ
in
2
œ
˙
œ
mu - sic
the
sound
of
w Rose
-
w
your
name …
˙.
mar
w
-
œ
& Rose
C
œ
œ
& 2
-
mar
-
y
œ
œ
y,
was
œ
w
it
came …
œ
3
œ & œ œ œ mel - o - dy
locked
œ in
œ -
side
Œ œ œ œ me,
Till
‰
hedY: i don’t know my own strength.
5
a
&C b
Rose
U ∑
&
U bœ œ J
˙
∑
mar - y.
hedY: Finch. You are in love.
2
18
at
˙ last
œ out
the
— 194 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
2
I N
BUSINESS
(FINCH)
w
œ
& Rose
2
-
mar
w Rose
A little faster
& bœ
-
y!
œ
& d
˙.
-
mar
-
œ
œ
y,
just
3
˙.
˙
ag - ine
œ œ
b˙
Ó
if
we
kissed,
Ó
œ œ œ
Ó
œ im
bœ œ œ
24 œJ œ .
what
cre
-
scen - do
Œ
œ
œ
a
-
44
3
4 &4 w
∑
not
e
œ
œ
& œ œ œ rest of
my
missed.
as
œ
˙
œ
pro - gram,
2
be
œ œ
Œ
œ
life - time
to
w
Give me
more
of
w Rose
2
-
w
œ won - der - ful
mu
-
œ
sic
mar
œ
in
the
ver
-
y
˙.
-
y.
œ
œ
y,
there
œ is
ritard
œ
œ
of
your
U ∑
name.
2
RoseMaRY: i can’t hear a thing.
In 2
& œ œ œ œ œ sud - den - ly
˙.
FinCh: Can’t you hear it? Can’t you hear it?
2
Œ
&
same…
the
˙
sound
(dialogue)
w
-
w
œ
a tempo
G
-
œ
œ
& œ œ œ
the
œ
Rose
F
w
mar
&
for
œ
œ
&
œ
there
is
œ œ œ œ mu - sic
in
the
˙ sound
œ œ of
your
#18—Rosemary
w name …
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(FINCH)
& w
œ ˙.
Rose
-
In 4
h
RoseMaRY: now i hear it! i hear it!
3
(dialogue)
Ó
i hear it! i hear it!
2
In 4
U Œ
Œ
#
mar - y...
(ROSEMARY)
# &
œ œ œ œ
sud - den - ly
œ
œ
there
œ
is
œ
mu - sic
2
#
in
œ
œ
˙
the
sound
2
#
Pierre
(FINCH)
w Rose
w
your
name …
œ
J.
&
œ
of
w
&
i
— 195 —
mar
-
pont,
j #œ ‰
œ -
˙.
-
y,
œ.
j nœ
just
im
A little faster
& bœ
œ & 24 J
-
b˙
œ
˙
ine
Ó
we
kissed,
what
7
In 4
44 w
U & Ó J
(ROSEMARY)
3
a
cre
poco ritard
∑
œ
œ
˙.
not
to
be
missed.
œ
œ
œ
˙.
not
to
3
be
& œ œ œ œ œ life - time
œ J
∑
‰
Œ
œ
missed.
A tempo—In 2 rest of my
j œ ‰
#œ (FINCH)
as
Œ œ œ œ
pro - gram,
Give me
˙ more
œ œ of
#18—Rosemary
the
œ for
œ the
2
3
œ
24
œ
if
œ.
bœ œ œ
Ó
scen - do …
U & Ó
-
3
˙.
ag
n
w same…
-
— 196 —
HOW
(ROSEMARY)
&
SUCCEED
T O
œ
2
œ
œ
J.
(FINCH)
œ ˙
J.
Pierre - pont.
w Rose
-
œ J.
œ
œ
œ
˙
Pierre - pont,
there
w
œ œ
& Rose
&
-
mar - y,
j œ ‰ Œ
w
œ œ
sound
&
of
w
˙.
mar
In 4
your
œ œ
œ ‰ Œ J
sound
of
your
2
Pierre - pont,
œ
&
Œ
BUSINESS
3
Ó
œ
&
I N
-
y.
k
œ
œ œ œ
œ œ
œ
is
won - der - ful
mu - sic
in
œ
œ œ œ
is
won - der - ful
œ
œ There
w
œ
œ
mu - sic
w
U w
w
U w
in
j œ œ.
œ the
ver - y
œ
œ œ. J
the
ver - y
∑
name.
w
∑ name.
Rip The Chipmunk
19
biGGLeY: Your resignation is accepted.
Tempo as before
(BIGGLEY & FINCH)
˙ &bC Rip!
Œ
~~ b ˙ œ ~~~~~
Rrr
-
rip!
Œ
~˙. œ ~~~~~~
Rrr
-
&b w
w
ww
off
the
field.
rip
˙
œ
˙
the
Chip
˙˙
-
munk
Ó
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 197 —
Finale Act One
20
FinCh: wait a minute, Rosemary. hello, name painter? RoseMaRY: “wait a minute, Rosemary. hello, name painter?”
2
# 4 Freely & 4
(FINCH)
#
FinCh: This is Mr. Finch. i want my name on my door in gold leaf.
¿
¿
¿
2
¿
¿
Œ
&
¿
¿ Ó
ΠJ.
3
Pierre - pont
Finch...
J.
Pierre - pont!
Tempo as before
a
#
(ROSEMARY)
& œ œ œ
sud - den - ly
œ œ there
is
# ∑
&
Œ
œ œ
œ œ
mu - sic
œ œ
˙
in the
(FINCH) Œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ
sound
of
my
w
name...
Œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ
∑
3
3
all cap - i - tals!
Yes, block let - ters!
(ROSEMARY)
# ∑
&
# (FINCH) & wJ.
∑
Ó
w
œ
Rose
-
∑ œ-
˙.
˙
∑
Œ
mar - y...
˙- .
Pierre - pont!
œ
œ œ œ
Vice - Pres - i - dent
(BUD)
# &
∑
∑
∑
∑
Ó
Œ
œ
Vice
— 198 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
∑
w Rose
(FINCH)
# ‰
œ J
œ
œ
in
charge
of
# (BUD) œ œ œ Œ &
œ
œ
œ
ad - ver - tis
Œ
‰
3
Ó
œ
ing.
j œ
œ
mar
-
y.
#
There
must
F
# œ & must
-
œ
i - n
-
‰
œ J
œ Œ be!
C
-
œ
œ
œ
be
to
stop
him,
a way
of
œ -
‰
œ J there
3
all
œ œ œ
Œ
-
œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ
œ &
-
b
#
-
w
Pres - i - dent!
&
BUSINESS
(ROSEMARY)
# & &
I N
my
œ
life - time
Œ
œ œ
œ
˙
pro - gram
will
Ó
be
∑
h.
œ ∑
∑
There must!
# ∑
&
œ
˙ more
œ
of
the
w
same.
3 j ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿
# ∑
&
‰
The
¿ Œ
w
u - su - al spell - ing...
J.
∑
Ó
3
# ∑
&
œ J.
œ
Pierre - pont...
3
# Ó
&
œ
‰ j œ œ œ œ
w
Re - mem - ber me,
Rose
∑ œ ˙ -
mar - y...
# &
œ
∑
∑
∑
∑
∑
˙.
Pierre - pont...
# &
œ J.
œ
‰ ¿J ¿
¿ ¿ Œ
˙
Pierre - pont...
i
#20—Finale Act One
can't
stand
it!
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
(ROSEMARY)
#
j j œ œ œ œ œ
‰
&
what - ev - er
hap - pened
— 199 —
ten.
j œ
w
to
Rose
œ #œ
(FINCH)
#
¿
-
-
-
¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿
boy, when you see it on your own
C
mar - y?
won - der - ful
(FINCH)
mu - sic
& œ œ œ œ œ won - der - ful
mu - sic
œ œ œj œ .
in
the
œ œ œJ œ . in
the
∑
&
ver - y
ver - y
∑
w
is
Œ " œ nœ
door...
There
(ROSEMARY)
& œ œ œ œ œ
There
n nœ
¿
∑
&
"œ
˙
sound
n
is
U ten. œ œ of
C
your
U œ ten. œ
w
C
˙
sound
of
(BUD)
˙
œ #œ œ
Œ
i
will
re
-
your
U Œ
turn!
≈œ œ œ C i will re
In 2
&C w
w
w
w
w
w
U œ Œ Ó
∑
w
w
w
w
w
U œ Œ Ó
∑
w
w
w
w
w
œ Œ UÓ
∑
name.
&C w name.
w &C turn!
#20—Finale Act One
-
— 200 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
21
Entr’acte (Tacet)
22
Opening Act Two (Tacet)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 201 —
Cinderella, Darling
23
sMiTTY: i don’t mean to him. i mean to us … us girls. GiRLs: That’s right. sure. uh huh. etc.
Recitativo—In 1
(SMITTY)
b & b bbb C Ó
Œ
œ how
U In 4 b b &b b b œ œ œ œ œ sec - re - tar - y’s
In 1
bb &b b b Ó a
&
&
does
wants to
-
œ
pen
that
a
∑
Ó
mar - ry ’er?
(GIRLS)
nœ œ œœ J
ΠIn 4
œ œ œ
of - ten does the dream come true with
-
In 2
∑
‰ œ
œ œ œ J nœ
hal - le
lu
-
˙˙
lu
jah!
-
-
œ œ œ œ œ œ ‰ # œj
out a sign of con - flict
a
####
or
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
man
like he was a
ty - phoid
∑
jah!
Ó
Ó
treat
œ n œœ n œœ
∑
n œœ œ ˙ œ nœ ˙ -
hal - le
œ œ ˙
why
(GIRLS)
Œ
hap
œ
œ œ
# nœ œ œ ˙.
# Ó
œ
œ
it
Ó
how
# # # #(SMITTY) 3 # œ œ œ œ &
Œ œ
car - ri - er?
&
ten
œ œ œ œ
œ œ œ œ œ
In 4
####
œ
3
‰
boss
Œ œ
bar - ri - er?
####
3
-
œ
(SMITTY)
(SMITTY) 3
####
of
U ∑
bb &b b b
œ
œ
œ œ œ œ œ
how
of - ten
can
you
œ œ
fly
from this
(SMITTY)
#
j œ œ œ œ nœ œ
land of
# ## & # #
car - bon
pa - per
∑
œ œ
to the
œ œ œ œ
Œ
Œ
Ó
œ
land of flow - er’d chintz?
how
(GIRLS)
Ó
Œ
œ œ œ J œ
hal
‰ œj
le
œœ œ ˙ œ œ ˙ lu
-
- -jah!
#
— 202 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
BUSINESS
I N
b
# # # # (SMITTY) # œ œ œ œœ œ œœ Œ œ œ œ œ œ & of - ten does a Cin - der - el - la
#### &
get
a crack at the
∑
#
prince?
(GIRLS)
####
sMiTTY: don’t you realize …
&
U ∑
#
Briskly
Ó œ
You’re
#### &
˙.
if
a
˙
real,
live
œ n˙
œ
sym - bol
di
˙
œ #œ
˙
not
for your
own
œ
œ
fair
-
-
˙
y
tale;
w
vine.
Œ ˙ œ
˙ sake,
please,
˙ #˙
˙
dar - ling,
for
(SMITTY)
bb
# nw
w
mine.
&
œ
Prince!
3
œ œ so,
####
˙
w
# ## & # # ˙
&
a
# w
####
and the
C
(SMITTY)
œ
œœœ # # # ˙˙˙ " ˙ œ
Ó œœœ œœœ œœœ œœœ n n n œœœ œ œ œ œ #œ
∑
Cin - der - el - la
(dialogue)
#
(GIRLS)
Ó
Ó nw
Œ nœ and
mine,
w
w Œ
Œ
nœ
Ó n ww
and
mine,
nœ
n ww w
and
mine.
bb
In 2
d
b &b
(GIRLS) (unison)
˙.
œ
w
œ
Œ œ
don’t,
don’t,
œ
don’t,
Cin - der
œ -
el
-
œ
œ
œ
la,
dar - ling,
b &b
"
∑ w
∑
˙
˙
n˙.
œ
w
don’t
turn
down
the
prince!
#23—Cinderella, Darling
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 203 —
(SMITTY)
b &b
Ó
˙
˙
don’t
˙
re
˙
write
-
œ
sto
your
˙.
-
the
œ
poco ritard
Ad lib.
b &b œ n˙
œ #˙
œ
leg - end,
the
folk - lore,
œ
w
œ
œ the
œ
œ
˙
œ
work - ing
œ
girl’s
dream
of
U œ
glor - y!
a tempo
e
&b
œ
You’re
ry;
(ALL)
b ˙. we
œ
were
Œ œ
raised
on
œ
œ
you,
œ
œ
dar - ling,
and
œ
we’ve
b &b
˙ loved
˙ you
∑
˙
n˙ ev
-
er
since.
b &b œ ˙
ma - jor
b &b
F
œ
œ #œ ˙
mir
-
˙
w
down
the
prince.
Rubato
#### 4 Π#4 &
don’t
˙
˙ ˙
mess
up
w don’t,
œ Œ
Cin - der - el - la,
Ó
24
∑
(SMITTY)
‰ n œj n œ oh,
let
#œ œ œ us
live
a
˙
˙
don’t
turn
∑
#### 4 #4
œ œ œ œ
a - cle,
˙
˙
w
it
j j nœ nœ œ œ œ œ œ
with you,
each hour
#23—Cinderella, Darling
of
each
(GIRLS) (soli)
6 8
‰ ‰ œ #œ œ
day.
1.
on from
— 204 —
#### &
HOW
(1.)
(GIRLS)
#### &
#### &
2.
Œ. # œ œ
œ
SUCCEED
T O
I N
‰ To e - liz - a - beth ar - den … œ œ œ œ. œ . œ œ # œ˙ .
berg - dorf Good - man …
3.
‰ 5. To œ
Œ. ˙˙ ..
#
# ## & # #
˙œ . œ nœ
˙˙ .. in
the
the
Tar - ry - town
4 œ œ œ 4 w w
œ
sta - tion
wa - gon …
œ œ Œ. œ
‰ œ œ
Œ.
∑
#
BUSINESS
œ‰ . œ œ œ 4.
P.
T.
a.
œ
œ
w ww
4 4 ww
œ.
hur - ry from
ww
Twen - ty - one … no.
new
Ro - chelle!
¿ # œœ œ
¿ Œ
U ¿ O Ó u
# ## & # # œœ
Œ Œ
(ROSEMARY)
#### &
G
#### & #### &
U Ó uÓ
œœ œ
œœ œ
new
œœ
new
œœ œ
œœ œ
œœ œ
ww w
Ro - chelle
P.
T.
a.
œœ
œœ
œœ
œœ
Ro - chelle
P.
ww
T.
a.
(SMITTY)
#
Π(GIRLS)
#
‰ . œr œ œ oh,
do
not
œ œ œ leave
us
Œ œ
mi - nus,
our
Please!
vi - car - i - ous
Ó
Ó ˙˙ ˙
‰ . œr œ œ œ œ œ
˙˙ ˙
Please!
#23—Cinderella, Darling
œ
bon - us,
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
#### & #### &
(SMITTY)
‰ . œr œ œ œ œ œ
Œ
#
we
(GIRLS)
want
to
see
his
Ó œ
œ
˙˙ ˙
6
‰
œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
you,
Cin - der - el - la,
sits
the
so
when you name the
hap - py
w n n www
ah
ah
In strict tempo—In 4
Œ
# ˙
nœ œ Œ
œ
day,
please
Ó
nœ œ Œ
phone us,
bb C
Œ œ
Phone us!
n n n œœœœ œ
∑
# w www
but
œœœ Œ œœ
bb C
Œ œ
Phone us!
L'istesso tempo—In 2 {q = h}
h
j œ œ nœ œ œ œ œ
o - nus,
# # & # # # ww # ww
&
low - ness.
Please!
on
####
œ
your
˙˙ ˙
# ## j & # # ‰ œ œ
&
to
œ
Ó
Ó
#
œ œ œ
Mar - ried
high - ness
Please!
####
— 205 —
but
(ALL)
b & b C ˙.
œ
don’t,
w
œ
don’t,
Œ œ
don’t,
œ
Cin - der
-
œ el
-
œ
la,
œ
œ
dar - ling,
b &b
∑
˙
˙
n˙.
œ
w
don’t
turn
down
the
prince.
(SMITTY)
&
bb
˙
Ó ˙
˙ ˙
why
&
bb
spoil
our
œ en
-
˙.
œ
joy - ment;
You’re
Ad lib.
œ n˙
fa - ble,
poco ritard
œ
the
œ #˙
sym - bol
œ of
œ
œ glor
˙
œ -
i
-
fied
#23—Cinderella, Darling
œ œ
œ
the
U œ
un - em - ploy - ment!
— 206 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
BUSINESS
I N
a tempo
i
(ALL)
b & b ˙.
œ
w
we
were
˙
˙
œ
Œ œ
raised
on
œ
œ
you,
œ
œ
dar - ling,
œ
and
we’ve
b &b
loved
n˙
you
ev
-
∑
˙
w
er
since.
b &b
˙
˙
don’t
J
b
˙ ˙
louse
up
œ
our
fav - ’rite
w
&b
œ don’t,
œ
œ
˙.
nœ
don’t,
don’t,
œ
œ #œ
˙
fair
-
tale;
˙
˙.
œ
˙
####
don’t,
don’t,
&
k
^ U œ ~~~ Œ Ó ~~
#
don’t!
don’t;
Sweet and plaintive—In 1
don’t;
don’t,
œ
don’t,
Cin - der - el - la,
w
w
w
w
w
don’t
turn
down
the
prince!
(ALL)
# ## & # #
w ƒ œ œœ 2 œœ œœ 4 www 4 œ 4 œ
Ó
w
hal - le
-
lu
-
ww ww
ww ww
U ww ww
œœ. œœ Œ Ó
jah!
I Have Returned
24 bud: Feel free to use it.
Maestoso
4 &4 Œ
(BUD)
>œ
ten.
# >œ
ten.
i
have
re
ten.
####
œ œ œ
RoseMaRY: all right, i’ll give him one more chance.
U ∑
b˙
w
n˙
œ œ œ œ Cin - der - el - la,
y
œ
Cin - der - el - la,
b &b
˙
U w>
>œ
-
turned.
U ∑
#
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 207 —
Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm (Reprise) RoseMaRY: i’m sorry, Mr. Finch.
2
#4 & 4
a (ROSEMARY) 3
œ oh,
3
# &
as he climbs
with
œ
cor - ner
&
wear - ing
his
mind;
& œ
dar - ling,
the wife - ly
u - ni - form
j œ ˙.
to be there
˙
ab - sent
hap - py
œ while
in a
mind…
j œ œ
œ
such heav - en…
to
keep
‰
j œ ˙
œ
œ
œ
he
goes
on - ward
j œ and
3
3
œ œ œ œ
up - ward.
wear - i - ly home
oh,
3
œ
3
# œ 3 œ œ & œ
œ œœ œ œ œ 3 œœ
3
j œ œ œ œ œ
3
#
To
3
‰ œ œ œ œ
˙
3
œ œ œ œ
with a goal,
5
of
3
#
man
‰ œ œ
œ
œ
a
pur - pose in life and pur - i - ty of soul.
a
Œ
&
œ œ œ œ
j œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
3
# b
3
3
œ œ œ
by
3 ‰ ‰ n œj
œ
œ œ œ
be loved
3
#œ œ œ œ œ watch
to
3
3
œ œ œ œ
25
j œ œ œ œ his
œ œ
œ
din - ner warm
œ
œ
Till
he
comes
3
œ
œ J
œ
from down
w -
œ
Œ
Ó
∑ Segue
town.
Knitorama (Tacet)
25a
— 208 —
HOW
biGGLeY: of course i do. i know i seem to have everything (continues)
I N
BUSINESS
7
b 3 &b b4
&
SUCCEED
Love From A Heart Of Gold
26
a
T O
hedY: That’s not fair.
∑
(BIGGLEY)
bbb
˙
œ œ
˙ where
will
œ œ
find
i
œ
a
b &b b ˙
œ
œ
˙
love
from
a
treas
œ
˙.
heart
of
gold;
˙
bœ
nœ
œ
ing
and
sweet,
and
˙
-
œ œ
˙
ure
Like
˙
the
œ bœ ev
-
er
b
b &b b
œ œ
trust
b &b b
-
a
œ -
wait
nœ .
j œ
ing
my
-
Rain
or
˙
pleas - ure;
∑ œ nœ
œ
∑
˙
#œ #œ
shine …
hot
or
˙ cold …
C
b &b b
˙ wealth
˙
œ œ far
be
-
œ œ
yond
all
œ mea
-
˙
˙
sure,
œ œ May - be
poco ten.
bb
& b ˙ here
œ œ in
my
˙ hands
œ
˙.
i
hold.
˙
œ bœ ah,
but
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
d
b &b b
(BIGGLEY)
œ
where
nœ
œ
˙
#œ
will
i
find
that
nœ œ
love
&
œ
one
treas - ure
U j" œ œ
œ.
of
U œ "‰ #œ J
treas - ures,
from
Œ
˙ heart
a
œ
˙.
of
gold.
The
hedY: Goddammit, so am i.
(dialogue)
b ˙ &b b e
œ
— 209 —
U ∑
Œ
œ
(HEDY)
bbb
˙
œ œ
˙ where
œ œ
will
i
find
b &b b ˙
œ
œ
˙
love
from
a
heart
œ
a
treas
˙
-
œ
˙.
of
gold;
#œ œ
œ
œ œ
˙
ure
Like
˙
the
œ bœ ev - er
F
b &b b œ
trust
-
nœ
œ
˙
ing
and
sweet
(HEDY)
b & b b œ nœ ˙ Rain
G
b &b b
or shine...
and
a
-
wait
-
œ.
j nœ
œ
ing
my
pleas -
˙
ure;
(BIGGLEY)
(HEDY)
(BIGGLEY)
œ nœ ˙
#œ #œ ˙
#œ #œ ˙
Rain
hot
hot
or shine...
or cold …
or cold …
(HEDY)
˙ wealth
b &b b ˙ soon
˙
œ œ far
be
-
œ œ
yond
all
œ meas
-
˙
˙
ure,
œ œ May - be
poco ten.
œ œ in
my
˙ hands
œ
˙.
i’ll
hold.
#26—Love From A Heart Of Gold
˙
œ bœ ah,
but
— 210 —
h
b &b b
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
œ
œ
œ.
j œ
one
treas - ure
of
(HEDY)
œ
where
b &b b
nœ
œ
˙
#œ
will
i
find
that
∑
∑
∑
p U œ " #œ
U œ
treas - ures,
(BIGGLEY)
The
f Œ " nœ
Œ
The
b ˙ &b b love
b & b b b˙ love
26a
nœ
œ
from
a
œ #œ from
a
˙ heart
œ
˙.
of
gold.
˙ heart
œ
˙.
of
gold.
Lunch Date (Tacet)
U ˙. U ˙.
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 211 —
I Believe In You FinCh: wish me luck, men. aLL: Good luck.
3
Fast 4
&bC
27
(MEN) (ominously)
Ó
‰
j œ
œ Got
a
-
ta
3
&b œ stop
˙
œ that
œ
œ
˙
i
stop
that
man
˙.
got - ta
Œ
he’ll
Œ
œ
œ
or
b
œ œ
man,
œ
&b Œ
œ ‰ Œ J
œ
w
stop
me.
Œ
œ œ œ Œ
cold…
Ó
∑
œ 3
&b Œ
œ ˙ big
deal,
big
& b Œ nœ œ #œ Œ Got - ta stop,
&b Ó
(FINCH)
C
Œ nœ
n ˙
now,
rock - et,
Thinks
he
has
the
œ œ œ Œ œ œ
#œ œ ˙
got - ta stop,
stop that man,
got - ta
œ n3œ b œ œ œ Œ
j œ œ œ
‰ œ
world
in
his pock - et.
˙.
#œ
nw
that
man.
In 1 there
you
œ
˙.
œ œ are,
˙
Yes,
œ œ
there’s
that
œ
˙.
face;
That
In 2
& ˙
œ
œ
face
that
some
& ˙.
œ
Swing—In 2
may
œ -
˙ how
œ
w
i
trust.
˙.
it
Πem
œ -
œ
bar - rass
œ you
œ
˙
œ
to
>
me
hear
œ
bœ say
Œ œ it,
œ but
— 212 —
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
BUSINESS
I N
with self-assurance
(FINCH)
Ó
& œ. œ œ
˙
say
must,
it
i
œ. œ œ say
it
i
Œ
Ó
˙ must!
d
œ
œ
œ
You
have
the
3
Ó
& ˙
œ œ3 œ œ œ œ
eyes
of
seek - er
Ó
˙
cool,
˙
œ œ
clear
2
Œ
&
a
œ
œ
œ
˙
Yet
there’s
that
up
œ
œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ
chin,
and
the
grin
œ
im - pet - u - ous
œ
˙.
-
turned
2
Œ
youth.
w i
w
œ
& Πoh,
truth;
Ó
˙.
Œ
e
religioso e molto legato
œ
of wis - dom and
3
3
& ˙
of
˙.
be
-
lieve
in
w
œ
œ
i
be
Œ
œ
you,
with self assurance
˙.
œ
w
w
Œ
& lieve
in
you.
F
&
˙
Ó
˙
sound
Ó
of
2
Œ
&
3
&
˙
œ
œ
spring
of
the
œ
œ
œ
i
hear
the
3
3
œ œ
œ
˙
œ œ œ œ
˙.
good,
sol - id
judg - ment when - ev - er you
talk;
œ
œ
œ
˙
Yet,
there’s
the
bold,
œ
Ó
ti - ger
that quick - ens
your
˙. walk.
#27—I Believe In You
Ó
˙ brave
3
œ œ œ œ œ œ
Œ
Œ
2
-
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
religioso e molto legato (FINCH)
œ
G
œ
œ
˙.
œ
& Œ
w oh,
i
be
œ
œ
-
lieve
i
˙.
be
-
lieve
w
you,
œ
w
in
you.
˙
and
bœ
bœ
œ
b˙
when
my
faith
bœ
œ
b˙
in
˙.
all
but
falls
œ
œ
b˙
& b˙ i’ve
but
to
feel
In 4
my
fel
bœ
bw
a
w
œ
bœ
Nœ
&
-
-
low
man
w
your
grasp - ing
œ
i
a tempo
mine,
and
take
ten.
ten.
ten.
œ
œ
œ
To
see
the
Œ
œ
w
take
heart…
˙
˙
œ œ
œ œ3 œ œ œ œ
eyes
of
seek - er
œ
œ
œ
˙
Yet,
with
the
slam,
œ œ3 œ œ œ œ
˙.
Ó
clear
2
Œ
a
œ
œ
rem -
i
-
nis - cent
of
gin
and
ver
-
mouth,
#27—I Believe In You
˙.
of wis - dom and
Ó
bang,
Œ
Œ
truth;
Ó
˙
3
tang
i
3
Ó
&
& ˙
œ bœ
˙
heart,
cool,
œ
œ b˙
œ
& ˙
w
ritard
bœ
hand
b˙
part;
œ bœ
& J
Ó
In 2
& b˙
i
in
Œ
& œ h
— 213 —
2
— 214 —
HOW
religioso e molto legato (FINCH)
œ
T O
SUCCEED
BUSINESS
I N
k
œ
œ
˙.
œ
& Œ
w oh,
i
be
œ
œ
œ
oh,
i
be
-
lieve
in
-
œ
w
lieve
in
you.
∑
&
you,
˙.
& Œ
w
w (MEN)
∑
∑
‰ œ
Ó
Got
L
& œ
œ
œ
stop
that
man,
M
&b w
Œ
Ó
‰ œ Got
w
-
j œ
œ
œ
˙
ta
stop
that
man…
or
n
he’ll
b 2
œ
w
stop
me. 3
&b Œ
Œ
œ
˙
big
wheel,
œ big
œ œ Œ
j œ œ
‰ œ
beav - er,
boil - ing
3
œ nœ bœ œ œ Œ
œ
hot
ta
w
Œ œ œ
∑
w
-
j œ
with
front
of - fice
fe - ver.
˙
œ
(FINCH)
˙ ∑
&b
∑
n
(MEN)
& b Œ nœ œ #œ o
Œ
œ œ œ
Got - ta stop,
˙.
got - ta
i
∑
#œ
œ
˙
stop
that
man.
œ œ w
lieve
in
you,
w
∑
(MEN)
∑
˙
Œ don’t
let
œ œ
him
be
such
a
œœ œœ œœ
˙˙
œœ œœ
Œ don’t
let
him
be
be
-
n
˙.
œ
lieve
in
˙ i
poco religioso
œ œ œ
?
œ œ
oh,
œ
&
&
Œ
got - ta stop,
(FINCH)
œ
Ó
such
a
be
-
3
œ œ ˙. J
∑
he - ro.
œœ 3 œœ ˙˙ .. J
he - ro.
#27—I Believe In You
∑
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 215 —
cresc. poco a poco
(FINCH)
w
w
w
w
& you …
& (MEN)
? P
You…
œ œ b˙
œ bœ Œ
œ œ Œ
œ œ b˙
œ bœ Œ
œ œ Œ
stop
got - ta
stop him,
stop
got - ta
stop him,
that man,
œ œ b˙
œ bœ
œ œ
œ œ b˙
Πstop
that man,
œ bœ
œ œ
Œ
got - ta
w
that man,
Œ
stop him,
stop
that man,
got - ta
Πstop him,
w
w
w
œ ‰ Œ Ó J
b
bœ Œ œ bœ Œ œ
w
w
œ œ b˙
œ J‰ Œ Ó
b
stop that man,
got - ta
œœ J‰ Œ Ó
b
& You…
&
? q
œ œ b˙
stop
that
œ bœ
&b
got - ta
∑
Ó
stop
that
œ
stop
that
man
œ
œ
lieve
œ
ta
stop
that
man,
Œ
œ
cold…
˙.
or
œ ‰ Œ J
i
be
-
lieve
in
œ
w
in
you.
he’ll
œ
w
stop
me.
∑
#27—I Believe In You
œ
i
be
∑
∑
∑
œ Ó
w
w
œ got - ta
œ
you,
∑
œ œ i’ve
œ w
&b w ˙.
œ
˙
˙.
&b Ó
&b
3
j œ
Œ
religioso e molto legato (FINCH)
(MEN)
-
Segue on applause
man!
(MEN)
‰ œ
˙
&b œ
ww
Œ
Got
R
n ww
Πstop that man,
man!
œ bœ
U ∑
∑
-
— 216 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
I N
BUSINESS
27a
Into Board Room (Tacet)
28
T.V. Announcement (Tacet)
29
The Yo-Ho-Ho (Tacet)
30
Hedy’s Fanfare (Tacet)
30a
The First Clue (Tacet)
30b
Disaster (Tacet)
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 217 —
I B e l i e v e I n Y o u ( R o s e m a r y ) 31 Miss Jones: i don’t know. somebody’s head has to roll.
Warmly—In 4
#4 & 4
RoseMaRY: Ponty will think of something, won’t you, Ponty. (ROSEMARY) (freely)
∑
∑
∑
In 2
&
&
œ œ
w
w
You
have
cool,
clear
˙
œ
eyes
of
a
seek - er
b
4 4 œ
œ
œ
œ
Yet
there’s
that
3
In 4
grin
of
of
wis - dom and
im - pet - u - ous
2
w truth;
In 2
C Ó ˙.
w
œ
œ
up - turned
chin,
and
the
œ
œ
œ
oh,
i
be
3
œ œ œ œ œ œ
the
3
œ
# C
C œ
œ œ œ œ œ œ
# Œ
&
Œ
3
#C
a
2
Œ
w youth.
-
# ˙.
&
Ó
œ
lieve
w
in
w
you,
2
# &
˙.
œ
w
lieve
in
you.
w
Doom (Tacet)
œ
œ
i
be
U ∑
32
-
— 218 —
HOW
woMPeR: about what? FinCh: humanity.
Rubato—In 1
& b 44
3
(FINCH)
Ó
Œ
œ
œ
œ.
œ J
œ œ
œ.
œ J
elks,
my
friend,
and
i
join
the
œ
œ.
œ J
ry
cards
as
&b œ car
BUSINESS
I N
Brotherhood Of Man
33
&b
SUCCEED
T O
-
may
œ
œ
œ
œ
œ
now,
you
may
join
the
œ
‰ œ J
œ ˙
shrin - ers.
œ
œ
œ
mem - bers
of
the
œ
a
and
œ
œ
œ œ œ
œ
oth - er
men
may
‰
j œ
˙
din - ers.
still
b
&b œ
œ
œ
wear
a
œ
oth - ers
#œ
œ
œ.
gol - den
key,
j œ
œ
œ
j œ œ.
#˙ .
or
small
Greek
let - ter
pin.
j ‰ œ but
Marked tempo—In 4
&b œ œ
œ
œ
i have learned there’s
C
j #œ œ œ. œ
œ œ œ nœ
one great club That
all
of
us
are
U œ Œ œ. ‰
œ. ‰ œ. ‰
in.
is
There
a
In 2 (a la Holy Rollers)
j &b œ œ ‰ œ ˙ broth - er
-
hood
& b œ œ ‰ œj ˙ broth - er
-
hood
˙
w
of
man,
‰ œJ œ . n œ œ . œ b œ
˙
a
˙ w
˙ of
man;
be - nev - o - lent
‰ œ. a
œ
œ
no - ble
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
d
(FINCH)
œ.
j &b œ œ ‰ œ ˙ tie that
binds
&b ˙
all
˙
broth
-
œ bœ hu - man
˙
er
-
œ.
œ
‰
— 219 —
œ ‰ œ J
hearts and
˙
œ œ
‰
minds
in
w
‰ œ.
of
man.
Your
˙
w
is
free.
-
to
one
œ
œ
˙
hood
life - long
e
& b œ œ ‰ œj ˙ mem - ber
-
ship
j &b œ œ ‰ œ ˙ broth - er
œ . nœ œ . œ bœ
‰ œJ
˙
keep
a - giv - ing each
‰ œ.
˙ w
˙
all
you
can.
oh,
œ
œ
aren’t
you
F
œ. &b
proud
to
œ. The
#
œ
bœ
that
fra
œ œ ‰ œ ˙ J
‰
be
in
˙
œ œ
˙
great, big
broth
&b ‰ G
j œ ˙
‰
œ œ
˙
-
ter - ni
w
˙
-
ty;
(dialogue)
œ Œ
-
er
-
hood
of
man? FinCh: That’s the obvious move. but stop and think …
5
In 4
Ó
(FINCH)
U Ó
&
Œ
œ one
h
# &
&
Rubato—In 1
œ œ
œ
œ
man
may
seem
in
œ
œ
œ
oth - ers
look
like
# œ
-
œ œ ˙
‰ œJ
com - pe - tent,
an
œ
œ œ œ œ -
oth - er
not
make
œ
œ
œ.
œ J
œ œ ˙
œ
quite
a
waste
of
com - pa - ny
ex
#33—Brotherhood Of Man
˙. sense,
˙. -
pense.
‰ œJ while
‰ œ J They
#
— 220 —
i
HOW
SUCCEED
I N
œ.
œ J
œ
œ
œ
œ
#˙ .
lead - er - ship,
so
please
don’t
do
them
in;
T O
BUSINESS
(FINCH)
# œ
œ
need
a
&
œ
œ
#œ
broth - er’s
me - di
Re -
# œ œ œ . œJ
œ œ œ #œ
œ Œ œ Œ
œ Œ bœ Œ
oc - ri - ty
not
mor - tal
sin.
They’re
in
∑
Ó
Œ
-
is
a
(MEN)
# ∑
&
‰ œ J
Marked tempo—In 4
# (FINCH) œ œ œ œ & mem - ber,
œ
∑
œ
the
Œ œ Œ bœ
we’re
J
b
in
b
the
a tempo (MEN)
&b œ
j œ
‰
œ
broth - er
-
˙
hood
œ œ . nœ œ . œ bœ &b ‰ J ded
-
i - cat - ed
oh,
(MEN)
œ.
&b ‰ The
Safety
& b ..
w
of
man;
œ œ ‰ œj ˙
to
giv - ing
˙ w
˙
all
we
can.
k
(FINCH)
. &b ‰ œ
˙ ˙
œ. œ
œ
aren’t
you
œ œ ‰ œj ˙ proud to
œ bœ
œ œ ‰ œ ˙ J
‰
be
in
that
fra
-
ter - ni
-
ty;
5
L
œ œ great
big
2
˙
˙
˙
w
hood
of
man?
˙ broth
-
er
-
(WOMPER)
.. Œ
¿
¿ ¿ ¿
no
kid - din’!
> ‰ œ
#33—Brotherhood Of Man
is
#œ J
œ nœ nœ
there
real - ly
a
#
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
M
(WOMPER)
# &
œ œ ‰ œj
˙
(BIGGLEY & MEN)
# &
j œ. œ
œ
Œ
Yes,
you’re
-
w
of
man?
‰ œJ œ . # œ œ . œ n œ
a
on
j œ œ. œ
Œ
œ ˙. broth - er;
# œ j œ ‰ œ ˙ broth - er
˙ ˙
broth - er - hood …
&
— 221 —
You
are
broth
-
∑
w of
∑
∑
a
er!
˙ ˙
hood
man?
# &
lev - el,
˙.
œ
a
the
‰ œ.
Œ
n
œ nœ
œ #œ
oh
oh
yes,
yes.
œ
a
œ
no - ble
# ∑
&
∑
∑
‰ œ. aœ œ in
&
# œ
n œœ ..
j œ ‰ œ ˙
tie that
œœ œœ
‰
binds
all
œœ
hu - man
# ˙
hearts and
˙˙
to
one
∑
minds
∑
bbb
œ œ. J
bœ bœ
bbb
your
life - long
w
˙
&
œœ ‰ œœ J
-
˙
˙ broth
-
er
-
hood
of
man.
(MEN)
# ∑
&
∑
Ó
>œ
œ oh,
o
yes,
(MEN)
bb
& b œ œ ‰ œj ˙ mem - ber
-
ship
b & b b œ œ ‰ œj ˙ broth - er
all
˙
w
is
free;
‰ œJ
˙
œ . nœ œ . œ bœ
keep
a - giv - in’ each
‰ œ.
˙
œ
œ
aren’t
you
w
˙ you
can.
#33—Brotherhood Of Man
oh,
— 222 —
P
b &b b
HOW
SUCCEED
T O
I N
BUSINESS
(MISS JONES)
˙
‰ œ œ J
bw
˙
œ ‰ œJ
you
me,
Me…
i
You…
(MEN)
b &b b
got
œ œ ‰ œj ˙ proud to
œ.
œ bœ
in
that
‰
be
b bœ œ ˙ . &b b
w
œ œ
˙
The
great, big
broth
(MISS JONES)
˙
w
hood
of
man?
œ
Œ
-
that
no - ble
œ
feel - ing,
like
w
dou - ble
deal - ing;
oh,
œ
bw
˙
œ J you
got
me
Me…
œ
with
‰
œ
œ
œ
˙
œ
bells
œ
œ
are
peal - ing,
broth - er.
œ œ J
‰
w
w
œ
˙.
œ
i
bœ œ ˙ .
you - oo,
got
w
you - oo.
Stop Time
p (MISS . JONES &. MEN) œ. œ b Œ œ b b Œ oh,
that
œ.
.
œ.
.
œ
œ
no - ble
.
œ
Œ
feel - ing,
Feels
.
.
œ
œ
F w
with
dou - ble
deal - ing;
oh,
œ.
œ
.
. Œ
œ
. Œ
down
œ Œ Ó
œ Feels
œ
down
b &b b Œ
ty;
œ Œ Ó
˙ œ
b bœ œ ˙ . &b b
&
er
˙
œ
You…
s
-
œ
˙
R
-
f
oh,
b &b b
˙
˙
b &b b Œ
ter - ni
you - oo.
œ. b &b b ‰
b &b b Œ
-
bœ œ ˙ .
you - oo
q
œ œ ‰ œj ˙
fra
w
got
#33—Brotherhood Of Man
œ.
.
œ like
bells
f œ
.
œ
œ
are
.
œ
peal - ing,
˙.
broth - er!
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
T
— 223 —
(MISS JONES & MEN)
p œ.
b &b b
. .
You …
you
b bœ œ ˙ . &b b
got
Œ
Ó
Œ
me
w
Me …
w
i
bœ œ ˙ .
you - oo,
u
. œ. ‰ œJ
œ.
b œ.
‰ œ œ J
Œ
got
∑
b
you - oo.
(MISS JONES)
˙.
w
w
w
&b Πoh,
(MEN)
˙
œ
oh,
˙
œ
œ
that
no - ble
&b Œ
w
œ
œ
œ œ
Œ
feel - ing,
Feels
w
like
˙.
&b
bells
œ
œ
œ
are
peal - ing,
œ œ ˙.
Œ
broth - er!
˙
œ
down
V
œ
w
dou - ble
deal - ing;
oh,
œ J
œ
bw
you
got
me
œ
œ
with
&b Œ
œ
˙
‰ You …
bœ œ ˙ .
˙ ‰
w
Me …
you - oo.
# œ j j œ ‰ œ œ ‰ Œ mem - ber -
#
all
˙
w
is
free;
Ó
ship
œ œ ‰ œj œj ‰ Œ broth - er
‰ nœ.
bœ œ ˙ .
you - oo,
w
Ó
œ J
œ
i
got
(ALL)
w
&b
&
broth - er!
(MISS JONES & MEN)
&b
&
œ œ ˙.
# œ
life - long
‰ œJ œ . # œ œ . œ n œ keep
a - giv - in’
w
‰ œ.
can.
oh,
˙ you
your
œ
#33—Brotherhood Of Man
each
œ
œ
aren’t
you
— 224 —
x
HOW
(ALL)
# &
œ œ ‰ œ proud to
&
# ˙ ˙
broth - er
˙ ?# ˙
-
˙˙
broth - er
-
SUCCEED
n >œœ ..
>œœ >œ œ
in
that
‰
‰ Œ
be
˙˙
T O
˙˙
˙˙ ˙
ww
hood
of
man?
˙˙
˙˙
ww
hood
of
man?
fra
-
I N
BUSINESS
œ . aœ ‰ œ . œ # œœ
œœ œœ ‰ œ œ ‰ Œ œ œ J J
ter - ni
-
ty;
The
ww
ww
œœ Œ Ó
ww
ww
ww
œœ Œ Ó Segue to applause
More Doom (Tacet)
34a
Hallelujah
b &b C Ó
(GIRLS)
Œ œ hal
-
big
ww
34
sMiTTY: Rosemary, your husband is calling you
great,
œ œœ
le
-
œœ œ-
lu
-
œœ -
oo
-
U ˙˙ -
jah!
WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
— 225 —
Finale
35
biGGLeY: Miss Jones, take a wire to the white house: “watch out!”
Swing—In 2
b & b bb C
(ALL)
w
we
b b œ. &b b a
ec
œ œ J
œ
u - tive
pol
-
Rubato—In 4
b b 4 œ. &b b 4
œ œ J
for
nœ
œ . nœ œ J
œ
play
the
com
way;
œ
˙
˙
by
us
o
b b &b b ˙
-
Ó
>
still
b b &b b ˙
œ
i - cy
is
œ
Tempo 1—In 2 ev
œ œ œ -
the de - part
bb & b b C œ.
œ œ œ
œ
ed we
shed
-
œ
er
com
the
œ nœ œ
œ
pa - ny
fi
-
ww w
>˙ Ó
> >˙
œ
˙
a
mourn
˙
>˙
res,
pa - ny
ex
œ ‰"œ J
˙ -
kay.
4 4
Though
˙
n˙
j œ œ ‰
ful
tear;
who
>˙
Ó
we
-
C -
Ó
will
ww w
ww w
ww w
ww w
ww w
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
Ó
be
here!
>˙ Ó
-
-
-
œ
˙.
here!
> Ó
it
œ
j nœ œ
be
still
? bb b b
œ ˙
∑
ww Ó
still
be
here!
b b www b & b
ww w
ww w
ww w
ww w
ww w
œœ œ Œ Ó
b b ww b & b
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
œœ Œ Ó
w ? bb b w b
ww
ww
ww
ww
ww
œœ Œ Ó
Segue
— 226 —
HOW
T O
SUCCEED
8
&bC
7
&b (GIRLS)
b ‰ œ. oh,
f . œ b ‰ & oh,
(MEN)
f œ.
C
f œ
aren’t
you
œ
aren’t
you
œ
proud to
proud to
œ
aren’t
great, big
œ . Nœ œ &b ‰ The
great, big
œ. œ nœ b ‰ The
37
great, big
in
proud to
d
in
b>œ- .
˙˙ ˙
broth - er
˙˙
-
˙˙
broth - er
˙˙
˙˙ ˙
-
˙˙
broth - er
-
in
U ˙˙ ˙
hood
of
˙˙
U ˙˙
that
fra
œœ œœ ‰ œj œj ‰ Œ œ œ -
that
fra
-
>œ >œ
ter - ni
ww w
that
fra
ter - ni
œ œ -
-
ty;
œ œ ‰ œ œ ‰ Œ J J
‰
be
Ad Lib.
˙˙
>œœ >œ œ
>œ- . > > œ bœ ‰
be
œ œ œ œ ‰ J J ‰ Œ
you
>œ- . b ‰ œ.
be
œ œ ‰ œj œj ‰ Œ
œ
œ. b ‰ œ . N œœ n œœ The
?
œ œ ‰ œj œj ‰ Œ
œ
b ‰ oh,
&
8
a
b
?
BUSINESS
Bows
36
&
I N
ter - ni
-
ty;
‰ œJ œJ ‰ Œ -
ty;
ww w
ww w
U ww w
"
ww
ww
U ww
"
ww
ww
U ww
"
man?
ww
hood
of
man?
˙˙
U ˙˙
ww
hood
of
man?
Exit Music (Tacet)
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