Dear Edwina Jr. Perusal Script.

welcome to the theater

C ONGRATULATIONS!

You’ll be working with your creative team and fellow cast members to put on a musical. Before you begin rehearsals , there are some important things you should know.

This book is your script ss Whether putting on a school production or rehearsing a professional show, every actor, director and stage manager works from a script. Your script contains some additional information like this introduction and a glossary. You can look up any bold words in the glossary at the back of this book. Be sure to take good care of your script, and use a pencil when taking notes in it, since what you’ll be doing onstage can change during rehearsals.

One of the first things you’ll need to learn is what to call the various areas of the stage. Since most stages used to be raked, or tilted down toward the house, where the audience sits, we still use the term downstage to refer to the area closest to the audience and upstage to refer to the area furthest from the audience. Stage left and stage right are from the actor’s perspective when facing the audience. The diagram above shows how to use these terms to label nine different parts of the stage.

what to expect during rehearsals

You will be performing a musical, a type of play that tells a story through songs, dances and dialogue Because there are so many parts of a musical, most shows have more than one author. The composer writes the music and usually works with a lyricist, who writes the lyrics, or words, to the songs. The book writer writes the dialogue (spoken words, or lines ) and the stage directions , which tell the actors what to do onstage and what music cues to listen for.

Your director will plan rehearsals so that the cast is ready to give its best performance on opening night! Remember to warm up before each rehearsal so that your mind, body and voice are ready to go. Every rehearsal process is a little bit different, but here is an idea of what you can expect as you begin to work on your show.

music:

Since you’re performing a musical, it is important to learn the music early on in the rehearsal process. Your music director will teach the cast all the songs in the show and tell you what to practice at home.

choreography:

After you’ve got the music down, you’ll begin working on the choreography – or dance – in the show. Your choreographer will create the dances and teach them to the cast. The music and the choreography help tell the story.

blocking & scene work:

Your director will block the show by telling the cast where to stand and how to move around the stage. You’ll use your theater terms (downstage left, upstage right, etc.) a lot during this portion of the rehearsal process. You will also practice speaking your lines and work on memorizing them. Rehearsing your part from memory is called being off-book. Your director will help you understand the important action in each scene so you can make the best choices for your character’s objective, or what your character wants.

make the script your own

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Always write your name legibly, either in the space provided on the cover of your script or on the title page. Scripts have a way of getting lost or changing hands during rehearsals!

Mark your lines and lyrics with a bright-colored highlighter to make your part stand out on the page. This will allow you to look up from your script during rehearsals, since it will be easier to find your place when you look back down.

Underline important stage directions, lines, lyrics and individual words. For example, if your line reads, “But don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let them get you or me,” and your director wants you to stress the words “you or me,” underline those words in your script.

Save time and space by using the following standard abbreviations:

ON: onstage

US: upstage

SL: stage left

OFF: offstage

DS: downstage

SR: stage right

CS: center stage X: cross

You may use these abbreviations to modify other instructions (e.g., you could write “R hand up” to remind yourself to raise your right hand). You may also combine them in various ways (e.g., you could write “XDSR” to remind yourself to cross downstage right).

Draw diagrams to help clarify your blocking. For example, if you are instructed to walk in a circle around a table, you might draw a box to represent the table, then draw a circle around it with an arrow indicating the direction in which you are supposed to walk.

Draw stick figures to help you remember your choreography. Remember, the simpler the better.

Mark your music with large commas to remind yourself where to take breaths while singing.

Although you should feel free to mark up your script, be careful it doesn’t become so cluttered with notes that you have a hard time finding your lines on the page!

Name:

APPLE SELLER

Why not? Nobody’s buying ‘em anyway.

Gee thanks, Mister.

ANNIE

Say kid, when is the orphan’s picnic?

Soon as I take a bite.

APPLE SELLER

ANNIE

(ANNIE takes a bite of the apple. The APPLE SELLER exits as SANDY enters from the other side.) Hey there. The dogcatchers are after you, ain’t they? Well, they’re after me, too. But don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let them get you or me. Everything’s gonna be fine. For the both of us. If not today, well... Tomorrow

Just

some tips for the theater

Don’t upstage yourself. Cheat out so the audience can always see your face and hear your voice.

Always arrive at rehearsal on time and ready to begin.

Keep going! If you forget a line or something unexpected happens, keep the scene moving forward. Chances are, the audience won’t even notice.

It takes an ensemble to make a show; everyone’s part is important.

Be respectful of others at all times. Remember to thank the director and fellow cast and crew members.

If you are having trouble memorizing your lines, try writing them down or speaking them aloud�

Bring your script and a pencil to rehearsal.every

Before the show, say “break a leg”– which means “good luck” in the theater.

Be specific! Make clear choices about your character’s background and motivation in the show.

Always be quiet backstage. And keep in mind, if you can see the audience, they can see you, so stay out of sight.

HAVE FUN!

Dear Edwina JR. synopsis

In beautiful Paw Paw, Michigan, the neighborhood KIDS are on their way to EDWINA SPOONAPPLE’s house for the Dear Edwina Show, a weekly episode where folk from around town send letters to Edwina in hopes of getting her advice on various issues (Paw Paw, Michigan)

KELLI informs the kids that a TALENT SCOUT from the Kalamazoo Advice-APalooza Festival (the biggest advice-giving convention ever!) will see the show; their act might have a chance to fill in an abandoned slot. Alas, right before show time, LARS injures his ankle and cannot perform. Just then, BOBBY, the new nextdoor neighbor, arrives with brownies from his mom. Edwina introduces her sister MYRA and her brother JOE, then drafts Bobby to perform. Bobby, however, is immobilized by stage fright.

Edwina tells Bobby about the wonderful accomplishments of her three siblings, and how much the Festival means to her (Up On The Fridge). Bobby decides to join the show and Edwina gives him a big hug, making SCOTT, her announcer, jealous.

Edwina pushes a wheelbarrow full of letters onstage to begin the show (Dear Edwina) and chooses the first letter (Here Comes A Letter!), listing topics that may come up during the performance. She opens a letter (Aphrodite), written by APHRODITE SWENSON, who is concerned that her brother is a picky eater. Edwina enlists the rock group SUSIE AND THE NAPKINS to help with the problem (Say No Thank You).

BECKY performs a cheer with the Paw Paw Wildcat CHEERLEADERS, and Edwina moves on to the next letter (Another Letter!). Scott tries to give Edwina a letter but she chooses a different one (Abigail). With the help of her scary uncle VLADIMIR from Transylvania, Edwina gives ABIGAIL her advice (Frankenguest).

Kelli pirouettes across the stage to choose the next letter from CARRIE (Carrie), who cannot properly set a dining

room table. Edwina explains (Fork, Knife, Spoon)

The kids take a break by the lemonade stand (Time For Intermission). Scott again encourages Edwina to read his letter, to no avail. As the kids look for the Talent Scout, they realize that she’s asleep!

The second half of the show begins (Here Come More Letters). The letter is from PERIWINKLE, who is sad because she is very shy and her family is moving away (Periwinkle). Edwina suggests that just saying hello can make anyone feel welcome in a new place (Hola, Lola) Becky and the cheerleaders try to wake the sleeping Talent Scout with another cheer.

Again, Scott tries to give Edwina his special letter, but she chooses a different one (Ziggy). ZIGGY and a steel drum BAND had raised lots of money to go to a parade in Jamaica, but unfortunately spent all of it on Game Boys, so Edwina explains the benefits of saving money (Put It In the Piggy). The show wraps up as Bobby thanks his adoring public (Thanks For Coming – Part 1), but Scott insists on reading his own special letter about a boy who is in love with a girl who doesn’t notice him (Edwina). Edwina is impressed (Thanks For Coming – Part 2) until the Talent Scout calls – she wants Scott to perform the National Anthem at the Kalamazoo Advice-A-Palooza Festival.

Edwina is crushed, despite parting words of support from her exiting cast members (Up On The Fridge Breakdown). She is suddenly interrupted by her little sister KATIE, who has run away from the Summer Math Olympics. Edwina tells Katie to be proud no matter what other people say, and Katie tells Edwina to take her own advice (Sing Your Own Song/Up On The Fridge – Reprise). Billy’s Grandma still has room on her video camera, so the kids perform one last number (Hola, Lola Encore).

Dear Edwina JR. characters

Edwina Spoonapple

Kelli Poshkonozovich

Becky Del Vecchio

Myra Spoonapple

Cordell Vanderploonk

Annie

Scott Kunkle

Lars Vanderploonk

Bobby

Billy Vanderploonk

Joe Spoonapple

Talent Scout

Katie Spoonapple

Ensemble:

Kids (including Kids 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7 and Boy 1, 2 & 3) Cheerleaders

Vignette Characters:

Aphrodite Colossus Athena Swenson

Susie and the Napkins

Johnny

Queen of Boolah Boolah

Abigail Mathilda Fleckenheimer

Vladimir

Shelley Mary

Shelley Mary’s Birthday Guests

Frank

Frank’s Ma

Carrie

Chef Ludmilla

Fairy Forkmother

William

Sonoma

Periwinkle Hurgen Burgen Yurrgensson

Harry Lola

Harry’s Family

Harry’s Birthday Party Guests

Ziggy Montego

Ziggy’s Band

Mary Sue Betty Bob

Mary Sue Betty Bob’s Back-Up Singers

Pigs

Farmer Jerry

(

(Lights up. It's a beautiful summer Sunday in Paw Paw, Michigan, USA. There is a ßurry of action as the KIDS of Paw Paw scurry, skip, and skateboard by on their way to Edwina Spoonapple's house.)

11 Moderato

& 4 4

need some - thing cool in Paw Paw, Mi - chi - gan, &

Kel - li's le - mon - ade stand makes a

nice iced tea. If you

need a ba - by - sit - ter, Beck - y's

right on hand. My - ra

gives pi - a - no les - sons on her

ba - by grand. But if &

you need ad - vice in

Paw Paw, Mi - chi - gan there's

on - ly one place to

live from the ga - rage, the

Sun - day af - ter - noon,

Dear Ed - wi - na

Show!

EDWINA: People, people! Where are my people? I've got all of Paw Paw, Michigan on my front lawn expecting to see a show in ten minutes! (EDWINA shakes her head and stomps off.) 5

KIDS:

b b b b b

Ev - 'ry

Paw Paw, Mi - chi - gan we & b b b b b

all drop what we're do - ing

join the cast. We & b b b b b

Paw Paw, Mi - chi - gan.

CORDELL:

& b b b b b

Some - times she gets bos - sy but we

1:

have a blast!

I make all the cost - umes!

KID 3:

I make all the sets! & b b b b b

KIDS:

‰

œ œ œ œ œ

Paw Paw, Mi - chi - gan just

54

(KIDS:)

b b b b b b b b b b œ œ œ œ œ œ

∑

blow: Ev'-ry

KID 4: (imitating a horn)

Ó

& b b b b b

œ œ œ œ Œ

œ

live from the ga - rage, the & b b b b b

w

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

Why should we lis - ten to Ed -

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ

∑

BOY 2:

œ œ Œ œ

wi - na? Who

BOY 3:

ú Œ œ œ

cool?

All these

œ

all should keep in mind that it

you need ad - vice in

Paw Paw, Mi - chi - gan we'll

& # #

tell you

- v'ry - thing

Sun - day af - ter - noon...

KID 4: (imitating a trombone)

Mmmmmmpppphoooom!

'ry

Live from the ga - rage...

(KID 4:)

Mmmmmmpppphoooom! & # #

Dear Ed -

(The scene moves to the Spoonapple garage where EDWINA SPOONAPPLE is running around making lastminute preparations.)

at the

EDWINA

Hello, everybody! Places for showtime! Am I talking to a wall here? I said places!!!!

BECKY

I’m ready, Edwina.

EDWINA

Well, that makes one of us! Kelli… can you please stay in line with everyone else?

KELLI

Is it my fault I have such high extension? (KELLI grandly practices her ballet moves.)

EDWINA

Lars, back in line! Kelli, watch Becky’s head! (noticing SCOTT staring at her adoringly) And what are you staring at?

SCOTT

You’re beautiful when you’re angry!

EDWINA

I can’t talk to you now. I’m late for a very important meeting with my set designer, lighting designer and producer. (she runs offstage, calling) Daddy!!!!!

KID 1

What’s with her???

KID 2

Don’t you remember? This is the day that she’s coming!

KID 3

Who’s “she”?

KID 4

Who’s “she?!?!” The talent scout from the Kalamazoo Advice-APalooza Festival!

KID 5

Advice-A-Palooza?

KID 6

It’s only the biggest advice-giving convention ever!

KID 7

I thought only famous people were allowed in the Kalamazoo Advice-A-Palooza Festival.

KELLI (pirouetting)

Didn’t you read the paper? Due to Dr. Joyce Brothers’ last minute cancellation, there’s one spot left. And they may fill it with local talent!

BECKY

(cheering)

That’s us!

(LARS, practicing a dance move, crashes into the wall.)

LARS

Aauuuuuuuuuuuuugh!

That’s some of us!

(returning)

KELLI

EDWINA

Okay, everybody! I guess we’re ready. (She falls to her knees.)

Oh, please, please, please don’t let anything go wrong today! (She gets up, brushes herself off and looks around.)

I guess there’s nothing else to do but say, break a leg, everybody! So… break a leg, everybody!

(KELLI and LARS, simultaneously rehearsing separate dance steps, accidentally collide into each other, causing LARS’s ankle to be injured.)

LARS

Aaaaugh!

Get off me, you klutz!

What happened?

My ankle! My ankle!

KELLI

EDWINA

LARS

ANNIE

Oh good! I got my Girl Scout first aid patch last week!

Get away from me!

I know CPR, too!

LARS

ANNIE

LARS

(trying to crawl away from her) Aaaaaagggh!

EDWINA

Oh, great! Just perfect! This had to happen on the day the talent scout is coming! Where are we ever going to get a lastminute replacement?

(#2 – BOBBY’S ENTRANCE begins. BOBBY enters, carrying a Tupperware bowl full of brownies.)

BOBBY

Hi, I’m Bobby, your new next door neighbor. We just moved here from St. Louis…

EDWINA

Great! Can you sing?

Umm…

Can you dance?

Well…

You’ll learn!

BOBBY

EDWINA

BOBBY

EDWINA

BOBBY (bewildered)

I just came to drop off these brownies from my mom!!!

(ANNIE and some other KIDS place LARS on a stretcher.)

LARS

Make me proud, kiddo! You’re going out there the new kid on the block… but you’re coming back a star!

EDWINA

(giving LARS a hug)

Be brave, Lars!!!!

SCOTT (preparing himself to receive a hug from EDWINA) I stubbed my toe, Edwina!

(EDWINA ignores him, throwing sheet music at BOBBY as the KIDS help LARS offstage.)

BOBBY

I heard there’s a kid my age who lives here.

EDWINA

You must be thinking of my sister Katie. She’s at the Michigan Summer Math Olympics in Ypsilanti. [NOTE: pronounced: Ipsilanti]

BOBBY

Oh, well, I heard that we were moving in next door to the best piano player in town. Do you give piano lessons?

EDWINA

You must be thinking of my sister Myra. (MYRA waves from the piano.) I’m sure you can talk to her after the show.

BOBBY

Oh, then you must be that drummer I heard practicing this morning. You sound great!

EDWINA

You must be thinking of my brother Joe. (EDWINA points to her brother at the drums.)

BOBBY

Well… who are you?

EDWINA

I am Edwina Spoonapple, advice-giver extraordinaire. Perhaps you have heard of me.

BOBBY

Not really.

EDWINA

Would you like to be in our show?

BOBBY

No thanks.

EDWINA

No thanks necessary! (grabbing his arm)

Now Bobby… we’ll just get you started on the opera, and the big tap number and… (gets an idea)

You can’t eat fire by any chance, can you?

BOBBY

Fire??

(BOBBY gets a look of fear on his face, which he holds frozen for the next few lines.)

KELLI

Gee, Edwina… can’t you see he doesn’t want to do it?

EDWINA

A little stage fright never hurt anyone!

(BOBBY starts shaking his knees. EDWINA sighs and sits down.)

Oh forget it. Hold the curtain!

(EDWINA looks around and sighs dramatically.)

Take five, everybody. I am going to think about what to do. (The KIDS disperse. EDWINA exits the garage and goes and sits in an empty wading pool with her head in her hands.)

BOBBY

Gee, Edwina… this is really important to you, isn’t it?

EDWINA

(face down)

You couldn’t possibly understand.

Dear Edwina JR.

(#3 – UP ON THE FRIDGE begins.)

Up On The Fridge

UP ON THE FRIDGE

(EDWINA checks to see if the other KIDS are listening. BOBBY gets in the pool with her and listens.)

(EDWINA:)

- tie's good at math she gets a

big fat "A" that's

tacked up on my fam - 'ly's fridg - i& b b 5

daire. And at

ev - 'ry mu - sic con - test Joe and & b b 7

My - ra take the prize. On the

b free - zer there are rib - bons ev - 'ry& b b 9

where. And I'm

proud to be their sis - ter, but it & b b

real - ly makes me blue that there

is - n't a - ny prize for tel - ling

peo - ple what to do. Ex

cept an in - vi - ta - tion to

BOBBY: Kalamazoo?

EDWINA: Home of the world famous Kalamazoo Advice-A-Palooza Festival! Do you know what an invitation means, Bobby?

BOBBY: No…

EDWINA: A chance to Þnally be where I belong!

Up on the fridge is where

42

prize that be - longs to

hoped for and prayed for,

Rit.

me!

(EDWINA looks at him. BOBBY looks around the garage, wrestles with himself, and makes a decision.)

BOBBY

Well… what’s everybody standing around for? It’s showtime!!!!

(EDWINA gives a cheer and throws her arms around him. SCOTT looks at EDWINA and BOBBY longingly. The KIDS run off to take their places, except for SCOTT, who has his arms outstretched, still waiting for his hug. KELLI comes to drag SCOTT off with the others. Blackout. #4 – FANFARE begins.)

(BOBBY)

Direct from beautiful downtown Paw Paw, Michigan, the Spoonapple Repertory Theatre is proud to present the latest performance in their inaug… inaug… inaug… (SCOTT whispers in BOBBY’s ear.) … first season!

SCOTT

As a courtesy to the performers we ask that no flash photography be used…

BILLY

But keep that video camera rollin’, Grandma!

SCOTT

And now, here’s that advice-giver extraordinaire… able to solve problems of all shapes, sizes and subjects, and undisputed queen of my heart…

EDWINA

(yelling from backstage) Scott!!!

SCOTT

Sorry! Here she comes now, our own beautiful, wonderful, dear Edwina!

(Lights up as #5 – DEAR EDWINA begins.)

Dear Edwina DEAR EDWINA

(Lights up. EDWINA enters followed by the KIDS, pushing a wheelbarrow full of letters.)

& # # # # 4 4 4 Peppy

ALL:

& # # # #

Roll out the bar - row look

who's here!

& # # # # 11

Who's made ad - vice

E - ven if it goes out

If you be - lieve good man

Ne - ver you fear, here comes

good fair

&

Ne - ver you fear, here

legato

moon's

good fair

spoons go!

&

bles good - bye.

œ œ œ œ œ er

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

- ser than owls and sweet

than pie

She'll

Oh what a girl!

(LARS has entered the stage. He uses a crutch to support his injured ankle.)

Ban - ners un - furl...

If

She's right on hand to make

She's

Dear

EDWINA

Welcome to the Dear Edwina advice-giving show, written by me, Edwina Spoonapple. Musical direction is, of course, provided by my sister, Myra Spoonapple! And you all will recognize my brother, Joe Spoonapple, who is sitting in with us today on percussion!

(KELLI whispers in EDWINA’s ear.)

And for refreshment, don’t forget to visit Kelli’s lemonade stand at intermission. And I have just been informed that as a special offer, anyone from Kalamazoo, our great sister city to the West, gets a free refill on his or her Kool-Aid of choice!

(#6 – HERE COMES A LETTER! begins.)

&

Here Comes A Letter! HERE COMES A LETTER!

let - ter for Ed - wi

First of the lot! Here

comes a let - ter.

let - ter for Ed - wi

Show us what you've

got!

(EDWINA takes a letter from the pile, opening it with a flourish.)

EDWINA

Just look at this wheelbarrow! It sure looks like you people of Paw Paw need a lot of advice. While the selection process was very difficult, we have found many amazing, wild and earth-shatteringly important subjects to discuss in today’s performance. Things like…

BECKY

Brothers and sisters!

Saving money!

Setting the table!

ANNIE

KELLI

SCOTT

True love! (Everyone stares at SCOTT.) I mean, foods you don’t like.

EDWINA

Ah, yes! Foods you don’t like. Let’s start with that! Just listen to this! “Dear Edwina:”

(#7 – APHRODITE begins.)

7 &

Hellenic APHRODITE:

APHRODITE

Please help my

b b b b

accel. poco a poco b

real - ly ve - ry pick - y. Most

b b b b

y. He

n

screams, he cries, he moans, he sighs. He

hides

-

17 œ œ œ œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ QUEEN: ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ j ¿ ¿ ¿ & b b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

gel in his

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

vis - it - ed the Queen of Boo - lah

Boo - lah. And he & b b b

œ

œ

dos and don'ts of the & b b b

œ

œ œ œ œ

œ

œ œ

& &

(SUSIE:)

b b b b b b

œ œ œ œ œ œ

NAPKINS:

greet - ed the Queen with a w w

Oo

b b b b b b

Oo JOHNNY:

œ

j

j

‰ ‰ j

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

Sha - la - la

SUSIE:

Sha - la - la

17

œ œ œ œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

(QUEEN:)

& & b b b b b b

host of strange foods I will w w Oo

Sha -

¿ ‰ j

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

feed you."

SUSIE:

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

Sha - la - la

21

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

(SUSIE:)

œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ Œ Œ œ œ

As he & b b b

(SUSIE:)

27 œ œ Œ œ œ œ œ soft ly in his head...

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

a

strug - gled with a smile he heard

soft - ly in his head...

NAPKINS:

And it said,

Say

Say no thank you!

Say no thank you!

soup leaves you cold you should - n't

b b b b b b

thank you! Say no

thank you! Press your

Say no thank you!

Say no thank you!

hap - pens,

Œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

that

hap - pens, say no

to some - one else may not taste good to you. So, when that & & b b b b b b œ œ Œ Œ œ œ

When that hap - pens

thank you!

If that hap - pens

Don't pre -

Say no thank

you! & b b b

tend that you are chok - ing, don't fall

(JOHNNY makes choking sounds.)

& b b b b b b

Simp - ly &

&

œ œ Œ Ó smile!

œ œ Œ

(JOHNNY screams.) QUEEN: Johnny?

It's

& b b b b b b 49

por - tant!

j

in - sult your host, but that

b b b

¿ n

œ œ # n j

b b b

œ # œ œ

œ

œ

#

& & & # # # #

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

# # # # # # # # # # # #

œ œ Œ Œ œ œ

Oo Œ

‰ j

j ¿ ¿ Œ Beet

teen - y lit - tle bite, it may

w w

act - ually taste all right. Just say no

thank you, say no

Say no thank

w w you.

Pick - led knuck - les?

thank you! Put a

smidge up - on your plate, ev - 'ry -

(SUSIE:)

Say no thank you!

NAPKINS:

Say no thank you!

ma - ny

- es, you'll Þnd

it's right ev

you don't like some - thing you can

be po - lite. So when that

hap - pens, if that w w

QUEEN:

hap - pens, say no

French fried frogs?

# # # # #

you. When that w w

hap - pens, if that

QUEEN:

œ œ Œ ‰ j

&

# # # # # # # # # # # #

(SUSIE:)

ú Ó Œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

JOHNNY: NAPKINS: (QUEEN:)

¿ Yeah! Œ œ œ œ œ j œ œ ‰

Œ

Œ œ

‰

Œ

EDWINA

Wasn’t that wonderful? Let’s introduce the top of the cheerleading pyramid for the Paw Paw Wildcats. Let’s hear it for Becky Del Vecchio!

(BECKY takes center stage as the Paw Paw Wildcat CHEERLEADERS cheer her on and back her up.)

BECKY

(cheering)

MY NAME IS BECKY NICE TO MEET YOU!

I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS FROM KALAMAZOO!

CHEERLEADERS WOO!

EDWINA

Thank you, Becky! Now, where were we?

BECKY

HEY, ALL YOU PEOPLE

FROM THE ADVICE-A-PALOOZA FESTIVAL WHEN IT COMES TO GOOD ADVICE EDWINA IS THE BEST-OVAL!

CHEERLEADERS WOOOOO!

EDWINA

Okay then…

BECKY

HEY, KALAMAZOO! WHADDAYA THINK? ARE YOU GONNA PICK US, OR DO WE STINK?

CHEERLEADERS WOOO!!!!

BECKY

(impressed with herself) How good was that!

EDWINA

Let’s move on shall we?

BECKY (proudly)

I made it up myself!

EDWINA

Hit it, Myra! (#9 – ANOTHER LETTER! begins.)

Dear Edwina JR.

Another Letter!

ANOTHER LETTER!

(BECKY and the CHEERLEADERS "rah rah" themselves back to their places as the action returns to the wheelbarrow.) œ œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œj no - ther let - ter, A & b 8 œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ let - ter for Ed - wi - na. œ œ œ œ Help is on the

b ú Ó way!

And to bring on the next letter, we have the President of the Paw Paw Bird Watching Society, Chairman of the Michigan AllState Chess Club…

BILLY, CORDELL

And the future Mr. Edwina Spoonapple!

EDWINA

(through gritted teeth)

And the designer of today’s programs, let’s welcome Scott Kunkle! Scott, the envelope, please!

(SCOTT hands EDWINA a letter.)

Why Scott, this isn’t the next letter! The next letter is the blue one!

SCOTT

I like this one better.

EDWINA

But the blue one is the one we rehearsed.

SCOTT

I think you should read this one. It’s really important.

EDWINA

Next week, okay? Now may I have the blue envelope? (EDWINA snatches it from him.)

Thank you! Oooooh now this is what I call a problem!!!!

(#10 – ABIGAIL begins.)

Dear Edwina JR. Abigail

n

- ing like a dope? He makes dis

- gust - ing nois - es

Slower

& b b 11

¿ ¿

¿

los - ing all my friends?

can

œ

EDWINA

Oh, boy. What do you do when someone is so annoying and horrible that they ruin everyone else’s fun? Luckily, I have the answer. I learned it from a story about the biggest obnock in the whole world!

BILLY

What’s an obnock?

You should know.

KELLI

EDWINA

Where do you think obnoxious comes from? Anyway, my scary Uncle Vladimir of the Transylvania Spoonapples tells it every year at the Spoonapple Reunion Picnic.

BECKY

Scary Uncle Vladimir?

From Transylvania?

ANNIE

EDWINA

It’s a suburb of Cincinnati. He lives in a haunted house, only comes out at night, eats bugs… sleeps upside down… has a hook for a hand, and faints at the sight of my mother’s garlic bread…

(#11 – VLADIMIR’S ENTRANCE begins.)

VLADIMIR

Hello, Edvina! Don’t you look bootiful!

EDWINA

Why hello, Uncle Vladimir! Won’t you tell your scary story?

VLADIMIR

You mean about Frank, the obnoxious boy? Oh, that’s much too scary for you!

KIDS

Tell it! Tell it!

Fleck

& b

Frankenguest (#12 – FRANKENGUEST begins.)

Dear Edwina JR.

FRANKENGUEST

VLADIMIR: (shrugging his shoulders)

Okay... gather 'round! (He laughs. The KIDS gather as he sings.)

5 Spookily

4 4

(VLADIMIR:) & b

lis - ten to the sto - ry of the

& b 9

&

b

13

œ

j

&

œ

gifts in tow, and they

start - ed off the par - ty with

pup - pet show. But

just be - fore the cur - tain came a

knock at the door. You thought & b

all the kids were there...

there was still one

more!

VLADIMIR:

Frank - en - guest!

FRANK:

Frank - en - guest!

pen my pre - sent!

Frank - en - guest!

b b b

3 ¿ ¿ ¿ ¥

ú

¿ ¿

∑

31 ‰ j œ œ œ . œ

& b b b b b b b

Ó

œ #

Œ

‰ j

The & b b b b b b

œ in top form. When they & b b b b b b 36

par - ty went on and Frank was œ

n œ œ œ œ ¿ J ¿ ‰

VLADIMIR:

œ

b b b b b b

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

¿

A

& b b b b b b

39

(FRANK:)

b b b b b b

on - ly eat my bur - gers with & & b b b b b b b b b b b b

Ó Œ œ œ

And

shout - ed 'round the ta - ble:

¿

I'm

a & & b b b b b b b b b b b b

Ó Œ œ œ

spout - ed Cher - ry Kool - Aid o - ver

¿

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

wa - ter - fall!

(VLADIMIR:)

47

œ œ œ œ œ j œ ‰

brought out the cake he said:

Ó Œ œ

FRANK: œ œ œ

.

œ J

one for my pet

¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

& I need the big - gest piece, & b b b b b b 49 Ó Œ œ plus

(FRANK:) . œ J œ œ œ one for my pet

. ú Œ snake... & &

(VLADIMIR:)

b b b b b b b b b b b b

52 ∑ · (Scream!)

55

. œ J œ ú

Frank - en - guest!

KIDS:

. . œ œ J œ œ ú ú

Frank - en - guest!

(VLADIMIR:)

b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b ¿ ¿ ¿

∑ ¿ ¿ ‰ j ¿

. œ J œ ú

Frank - en - guest! . . œ œ J œ œ ú ú

Frank - en - guest!

. œ J œ ú

FRANK: (KIDS:)

Frank - en - guest. Ó Œ 3 ‰ ¿ ¿ He can . . œ œ J œ œ ú ú

Frank - en - guest! & b b b b b b 57 3 ¿ ¿ ¿ 3 ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ swal - low a gui - nea pig whole.

(FRANK:)

& b b b b b b 58 ‰ J œ œ œ . œ j œ n

VLADIMIR: . ú Œ guest.

He was a Frank - en -

& b b b b b b . œ J

œ . œ J œ

He was a Frank - en

guest.

ALL: 60

b b b b b b .

b b b b b b b b b b b b

œ

œ

œ J

makes him so of& &

Ó j

Ó Œ œ

j

"je ne sais & b b b b b b

¿ ¿ 3

¿ ¿

ALL: & b b b b b b 68

.

œ œ Œ œ œ

. . œ œ

¿ Œ Ó know!

Œ œ œ œ Let's ask his

(ALL:)

b b b b b b b b b b b b

BECKY: SCOTT:

72 ¿ Œ Ó know! Œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

VLADIMIR: Œ œ œ œ

born a to - tal pig? I don't & &

I don't know! I don't

& b b b b b b

74 w Ma!

FRANK'S MA:

& b b b b b b . ¿ j ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

Let's ask his ¿ Œ Ó know!

ú Ó

76 3 ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ bunc - tious child.

Frank was al - ways a ram -

& b b b b b b

78 ‰ j ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ A nice boy, I should

¿ ¿ ¿ Ó men - tion.

& b b b b b b

80 ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ‰ j ¿

Please don't be mad, he's ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ . ¿ j ¿ real - ly not so bad. He

VLADIMIR:

82 ∑

& & b b b b b b b b b b b b

(FRANK'S MA:)

¿ ¿ . ¿ ¿ ¿

just likes lots of at -

Ó ‰ j œ œ œ

# #

(VLADIMIR:)

take my ad - vice. I've

w w Oo

ah - oo - ga -

# # #

Frank

Frank - en - guest!

Frank - en - guest!

loot bag?

Hide and seek?

Frank - en - guest!

Frank - en - guest!

guest!

EDWINA

And now, to choose the next letter from the wheelbarrow, we have a special treat… it is the resident prima ballerina from Miss Sandy’s YMCA class… please give a warm welcome to Kelli Poshkonozovich! [NOTE: pronounced POSH-kuh-NAHZ-o-vitch]

(#13 – POSHKONOZOVICH DANCE begins. KELLI dramatically pirouettes across the stage towards the wheelbarrow. As she does, SCOTT tries to get her attention and give her his letter. She ignores him, reaches into the wheelbarrow, pulling out a postcard.)

EDWINA

Thanks, Kelli! (EDWINA begins to read.)

Omigosh!

Omigosh! What?!

ANNIE

EDWINA

You’re not gonna believe it!

(#14 – CARRIE begins.)

CARRIE

(CARRIE approaches center stage, rolling her eyes and chomping a wad of gum.)

& 4 4

(a la "Valley Girl")

- na!

CARRIE: (snapping chewing gum)

click click click)

is a mess!

real - ly not fair, for my

knows where?

gram said set the ta - ble and it's real - ly not fair, for my

gosh, all these u - ten - sils go

who knows where?

Can you help me out? I'm

real - ly in a quan - d'ry! At

least I'm glad that grand - ma did - n't

make me do the laun - dry!

To - tal true love,

(click)

Car - rie.

EDWINA

Hmmm. Which utensils to use – a seriously perplexing problem. Billy, what would you do in this situation?

BILLY (holds out his hands)

I’ve got all the silverware I need right here!

EDWINA

Wrong answer. What do you think, Annie?

ANNIE

I don’t know – but for my camping badge, I had to make a whole five-course meal using tinfoil, matches and one branch!

EDWINA

Very impressive… but that doesn’t answer Carrie’s question! It is therefore with great pleasure, Carrie, that I, Edwina Spoonapple, simultaneously answer your question and end the first act of our show with the grand finale of my latest opera, Ode to Oneida.

(#15 – FORK, KNIFE, SPOON begins.)

Knife, Spoon

FORK, KNIFE, SPOON

8 ú n œ

din - ner

n

ú œ mil - la

ú

Chef Ludœ

Chef Ex -

made a

ú

b b

CHEF LUDMILLA: (operatic, opt. 8vb) ú n

Time to 29 ú œ

Looked a -

ú œ set the

œ

ú

ú œ

ú œ up and ú n œ down but & b b

Ó

Ó ‰ . R œ Ah CHEF LUDMILLA: & b b

ú

œ

said. Where

41 ú œ

œ œ Œ is she? & b b

Ah! She

& b b

out a set

œ

œ œ œ go - ing to

œ Œ œ cry! With -

œ

cry and

49

& b b

.

win no a -

wards for my

goose - ber - ry

pie!

(CHEF LUDMILLA:) Let's see... the contest states that there are three parts... taste... originality... and really nice table setting! Oh, who will help me in this time of need?

53 ∑ U

& b b

FAIRY FORKMOTHER: It is I, your Fairy Forkmother, all the way from Cutlerania. You don't know how to set a table? Why it's easy!

William, Sonoma, lend me a hand!

55 ∑ U

& b b

58 WILLIAM:

? b b

Fork.

Fork.

62

&

SONOMA: (WILLIAM:)

?

b b b b

spoon.

Knife, spoon.

Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

Fork. Œ

Fork.

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:) (SONOMA:)

b b b b b b

Start - ing from the

left, take the lit - tle

fork. It's the sa - lad

Knife, spoon.

(WILLIAM:)

Knife, spoon.

Knife, spoon.

b b

Fork.

Fork.

Fork. & & ?

b b b b

fork. Then you

Þnd the big - ger fork and

place it nice - ly to the

Knife, spoon. œ Œ

Fork.

Fork.

Knife, spoon.

Knife, spoon.

#

Fork, knife, spoon.

b b b b b b

right of that

Œ

b b

75 œ œ œ œ œ

plate, it's a love - ly

œ ¿ Œ

Œ œ œ œ œ

Œ œ œ

Œ œ œ

œ Œ Œ

j œ ‰ œ œ œ

œ Œ Œ

Fork. & & ?

œ Œ Œ

œ Œ Œ

œ

œ œ œ

Œ œ œ

œ œ œ

Fork, knife, spoon,

b b b b b b

œ œ œ Œ next to them. Œ œ œ

¿

¿ ¿ Œ

‰ j ¿ ¿

Œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ 81

¿ Ó nice. Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon. œ œ œ

Fork. & & ?

Fork. Knife Spoon.

œ œ œ Are - n't you

Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon. œ b Œ

Fork.

hav - ing the

Œ œ n œ

œ Œ Œ

84 œ

& ?

b b b b b b

œ time of your Œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ

Fork.

Œ œ life? And Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ

Fork.

œ n œ œ

guess what comes Œ œ # œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ

Fork.

b b

87 œ n œ œ next. Well, you Œ œ # œ

b b b b

Knife, spoon. œ

Fork.

guessed it! The Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon.

. ú knife! œ œ œ

Fork, knife, spoon.

Fork.

Fork, knife, spoon,

& ?

b b b b b b

Take the knife and Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ

fork.

go, curved side in like

Knife, spoon. œ

Fork.

& & ?

b b b b b b

92 j œ ‰ œ œ œ œ so. One more thing to Œ

Knife, spoon. œ b

Fork.

œ Œ œ do. One . ú n Ah! . ú Ah!

œ œ œ spoon to the ∑ ∑

& b b

95 œ œ œ

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:) œ œ œ re - ka! You're

right and Eu -

. ú through!

3 (FAIRY FORKMOTHER:) Now, come along and try it with me! 4

101 A little faster

& b b b b b b 98

CHEF LUDMILLA:

& & ?

b b b b

105 Œ

b b b b

Start - ing from the Œ

œ Knife, spoon.

GROUP 2:

b b b b

Fork.

& & ?

b b b b

œ œ œ œ œ

œ

œ Knife, spoon.

b b b b

œ œ œ

fork. Then I Œ

œ

œ œ œ

Fork.

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ

Œ

Fork.

œ

110

& & & ?

(CHEF LUDMILLA:)

b b b b

place it nice - ly to the

b b b b b b b b b b b b

(GROUP 1:)

(GROUP 2:)

Œ œ œ Knife, spoon. œ œ œ #

Fork, knife, spoon,

œ ‰ j œ œ right of that ∑ Œ

fork.

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

Good! Œ

œ œ Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ fork.

œ œ Knife, spoon. œ

Fork.

& & & ?

b b b b

113 Œ

Then I take the

b b b b b b b b b b b b

œ œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ

Fork.

œ Ó plate, Œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ It's a love-ly Œ œ œ Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ Fork.

œ œ œ œ and I place the ¿ Ó plate.

œ œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

& & & ?

b b b b

b b b b

b b b b

plate down right ∑ Œ œ œ

next to them.

b b b b

Knife, spoon. œ œ œ

Fork, knife, spoon,

Knife, spoon. œ

fork.

Line it up! Œ

Knife, spoon.

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

119 ¿ ‰ j ¿ ¿

Fork. & & ?

b b b b

(GROUP 1:)

b b b b

(GROUP 2:)

b b b b

Mmm! That looks Œ œ œ Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ

Fork.

¿ Ó nice. Œ

Knife, spoon.

Are - n't you Œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork, knife, spoon,

fork.

122

125

b b b b

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

b b b b

(GROUP 1:)

b b b b b b b b

œ . œ j œ hav - ing the Œ œ n œ

(GROUP 2:)

Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ

Fork.

(CHEF LUDMILLA:)

œ œ time of your Œ œ œ n

Knife, spoon.

life? And Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon.

b b b b b b b b

œ n œ œ

Fork.

Fork. & & & ?

œ

œ

b b b b

guess what comes Œ œ n œ

Knife, spoon.

œ Œ Œ

œ Œ Œ Fork.

Œ

Œ

b b b b

. ú knife!

b b b b

b b b b

b b b b

œ œ œ

Fork, knife, spoon. œ œ œ

Fork, knife, spoon,

Take the knife and Œ œ œ Knife, spoon.

fork.

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

b b b b

(GROUP 1:)

b b b b b b b b

(GROUP 2:)

so. One more thing to Œ œ œ Knife, spoon. œ b Œ

Fork.

Curved side in! œ

œ œ go, curved side in like

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

do. One . ú n Ah! . ú Ah!

spoon to the

& &

b b b b b b b b

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

134 Ó ¿ Euœ œ œ right and Eu -

CHEF LUDMILLA: ¿ ¿ Œ re - ka! œ œ œ re - ka! You're

∑ . ú through.

∑ Ó œ Now

138

& & b b b b

b b b b

look at this

142 ¿ ¿ ¿ if I don't

œ œ œ ta - ble, how

∑ œ œ œ love - ly it's

Ó ¿ And ú Œ turned. & b b b b

(CHEF LUDMILLA:) ¿ ¿ ¿ win, well, look

¿ ¿ ¿ how much I've

WILLIAM, SONOMA:

¿ Œ œ learned! In

& b b b b

146 œ œ œ just a few

(WILLIAM, SONOMA:) œ œ œ mo - ments, the œ œ

149 ú U ¿ ¿

judg - es ar& b b b b # # #

rive! Well, we've

FAIRY FORKMOTHER: ¿ ¿ j ¿ one place all

CHEF LUDMILLA: j ¿ ¿ ¿ j ¿ set. But we

FAIRY FORKMOTHER: Oh dear, hurry up!

& # # #

need six - ty

& # # # 152

Ridiculously fast

155

Ridiculously fast

Start - ing from the

FAIRY FORKMOTHER: Oh dear, hurry up! ∑

U

œ œ

155

& & ?

158

Œ

Œ

œ œ

œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ

Start - ing from the

GROUP 1:

GROUP 2:

Œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

GROUP 2:

# # #

Œ œ

Œ œ œ

œ Œ Œ

œ Œ Œ

# # #

fork. Then you Œ

Knife, spoon.

Þnd the big - ger fork and

# # #

Fork.

Fork.

Knife, spoon.

Œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ

œ

Œ œ

œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

place it nice - ly to the

Knife, spoon.

Fork, knife, spoon, &

right of that

Then you take the

161

164

# # #

Fork. Fork. Fork, knife, spoon, œ œ

œ

right of that Œ

œ

Knife, spoon. œ Œ Œ fork.

œ ¿ Œ

Then you take the

œ

Knife, spoon.

Œ

Fork.

&

& ?

# # #

œ

œ œ œ œ œ

plate, and you place the

œ œ œ

plate down right

œ Œ Œ

next to them.

œ Œ Œ

œ œ œ

Œ

¿ ¿

Line it up!

‰

Mmm! That looks

œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

167

# # #

Fork. Fork. Fork, knife, spoon,

œ œ œ Œ

& ?

# # #

Œ

œ Œ Œ

Line it up! Œ œ œ

‰ j

¿

# # #

170 ¿ Ó nice.

# # #

# # #

Knife, spoon. œ œ œ

Fork, knife, spoon,

Œ

time of your Œ

Knife, spoon.

Are - n't you

fork.

Knife, spoon.

œ Œ

Œ

hav - ing the

# œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

œ Œ œ life? And Œ œ œ

Knife, spoon. œ

œ # œ œ guess what comes Œ

# œ

Knife, spoon.

Fork.

Fork.

Fork.

173

Fork, knife, spoon, fork. Fork.

& ?

time of your Œ

œ

#

Knife, spoon.

œ

life? And

œ

# # #

176 œ # . œ j

next. Well, you

guessed it! The

œ # œ œ

guess what comes Œ

# œ

œ

Knife, spoon.

& & ?

# # #

Knife, spoon.

# # #

Fork.

Œ œ œ œ œ

Knife, spoon,

Fork.

. ú knife!

œ œ œ

go, curved side in, like

Knife, spoon.

œ Œ Œ

fork.

Fork.

179

# # #

Œ œ œ œ œ

Take the knife and

go, curved side in, like

181

# # # # # #

# # # # # #

Knife, spoon.

so. One more thing to Œ

œ n Œ Œ

œ

Œ

Œ œ œ

∑

∑ œ œ

Ah!

œ œ

re - ka! You're . ú ∑

& # # # 189

ú œ

ta - ble was

& # # # 193

œ œ œ

œ œ

œ

guests had a

œ œ œ

the

& #

ú

ta - ble was

love - ly, the

guests had a & # # # 193

œ Œ

œ Œ

œ œ œ cho - sen the œ œ œ best chef of & # # # 197

& # # # 201 ú œ œ traor - di(opt.) ( )

( )

. . ú ú naire,

ú ú Œ ( ) . ú n she

. ú a said: & # # # 206

CHEF LUDMILLA: ú œ know just ú œ where to

Now I

the

214 (FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

ware.

(CHEF LUDMILLA:) (EDWINA:)

. ú ú

Fork, knife, ú

Fork, knife,

GROUP 1:

fork, knife, ú

fork, knife, ú

. ú ú œ fork, knife, ú œ

fork, knife,

. ú ú œ fork, knife, ú œ

œ

Fork, knife,

fork, knife,

fork, knife,

fork, knife,

(CHEF LUDMILLA:) (EDWINA:)

Fork, knife, ú

fork, knife,

(FAIRY FORKMOTHER:)

fork, knife,

fork, knife,

ú

Fork, knife,

GROUP 1:

Fork, knife, ú

Fork, Fork knife,

fork, knife,

fork, knife,

ú

fork, knife,

ú

fork, knife,

ú œ

(opt.) ( )

Grandioso w w œ Œ œ Œ

fork, knife,

( ) w w w

fork, knife,

œ Œ œ Œ

fork, knife,

fork, knife,

œ œ œ œ

Dear Edwina JR.

(The song ends and the KIDS take a big bow as #16 – TIME FOR INTERMISSION begins.)

w

spoon! w spoon!

spoon!

time

sit back, re -

œ œ œ œ

Let's all have some

snacks!

EDWINA

That’s right, everybody! Come on down to Kelli’s lemonade stand during our five-minute intermission.

KELLI

So who’s the talent scout?

EDWINA

I wonder which one she is…

SCOTT

Will you read the letter now, Edwina?

EDWINA

Scott, it will have to wait!

SCOTT

But what if it’s an emergency?

EDWINA

What could be so important that it can’t wait until next week?

SCOTT

But Edwina…

CORDELL (VOICE-OVER)

Okay, everybody, would you kindly return to your lawn chairs?

Please place your Dixie cups in the receptacles provided. Let’s keep Paw Paw beautiful!

BECKY (aside, to EDWINA)

EDWINA

I’m not sure. I think it’s that woman by the wading pool. She was smiling the whole time!

ANNIE

No, that’s my troop leader.

CORDELL

(on a walkie-talkie)

Vanderploonk 1, we need an usher report, do you copy?

BILLY

(also on a walkie-talkie)

10-4, Vanderploonk 2!

KELLI

What about that guy over there? He’s smiling and applauding.

BECKY

No, that’s my cheerleading coach.

BILLY

(still on their walkie-talkies)

Vanderploonk 1, we’ve got some box office overflow. Can you tell me what we’ve got left to rectify the situation?

CORDELL

Vanderploonk 2, we’re looking at two more lawn chairs, a deck chair, an inflatable tire and a sit and spin.

BILLY

Bring it on out, Vanderploonk 1.

CORDELL

That’s a copy.

BILLY

That’s a copy on your copy.

BECKY

What about that lady over there?

EDWINA

Which one?

BECKY

The one with the Kalamazoo Advice-A-Palooza Festival baseball cap on.

EDWINA

That can’t be her! She’s…

(no longer on his walkie-talkie)

We’re back!

Dear

Edwina JR. Here Come More Letters

(#17 – HERE COME MORE LETTERS begins.)

HERE COME MORE LETTERS

(The KIDS looks at each other with alarm as the music starts and CORDELL gives the high sign. We see EDWINA desperately whispering to BECKY and KELLI. PERIWINKLE takes center stage, ready to begin her letter. #18 – PERIWINKLE begins.) PERIWINKLE

Dear Edwina JR.

Periwinkle

soon in the snow we'll be

play - ing. But & b b

how can I make

j

say - ing? & b b

œ œ n œ œ œ Œ

fond - ly ev - er yours, & b b

œ œ œ Ó

Yurr - gens - son!

(#19 – HOLA, LOLA begins.)

EDWINA: Don't be blue, Periwinkle Hurgen Burgen Yurrgensson! I've got the perfect song for you about the importance of saying HELLO! That's right! What's more important than saying HELLO????

4 4

& b b b b 4 4

j

¿

J

œ j œ j

ALL: 38 œ œ œ œ ú la, hel - lo!

j

œ

œ

& b b b b

œ

œ

œ

œ

œ œ œ œ

œ œ j œ

Ó

ú

œ œ œ œ ú la, hel - lo!

œ

œ J

œ

ú Ó

EDWINA: 46 j œ œ j œ œ œ œ day par - ty

There at Har - ry's birth -

& # # # 48 j

œ

œ

œ

as the chil - dren laughed

œ

& # # # 50 j

j

œ œ œ œ

j

j

œ œ

œ

LOLA:

œ œ

œ œ

j

j

j

œ j

œ ú

HARRY:

j

la: Lo - la,

j

hel - lo?

œ

œ œ

j

j

œ

j

œ

I don't know, And

Har - ry said: Now don't œ œ ú

Ho

& b b 82

Ho - la, Lo - la, hel - lo.

Lo - la sat down at

the ta - ble

set up in the is -

land sand. & b b

LOLA: & b b 86

pered: Ho - la!

œ œ ú Œ

88 j

der - stand... & b b

j œ œ j œ œ œ œ

& b b

ALL:

œ œ ú ‰ j œ

& b b

92 j

all the kids took

94 J

- le - les and & b b

ev - 'ry - one be - gan

97 ALL:

& b b j

Ho - la, Lo - la! Lo

la, hel - lo!

they all sang:

99 j

& b b

Ho - la, Lo - la, hel - lo.

101 j

& b b

Ho - la, Lo - la! Lo

103 j

la, hel - lo!

& b b # # # # #

Ho - la, Lo - la, hel - lo.

& # # # # # j

-

Think

ho - la, Lo - la, hel

# # # # #

ho - la, Lo - la, hel

EDWINA

Woo, that’s a song that really makes you wake up and take notice!!!

BECKY

H - E - DOUBLE - L - O! GOOD MANNERS ARE THE WAY TO GO!

CHEERLEADERS

WOO!

EDWINA

Thank you, Becky, for that impromptu performance.

BECKY

GO! GO! GO! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! YOU’LL ALWAYS WIN IF YOU’RE POLITE!

CHEERLEADERS

WOO!

Thank you, Becky…

EDWINA

BECKY

HEY, YOU SLEEPING IN THE CHAIR, WE’RE SINGING OUR GUTS OUT, DON’T YOU CARE?

CHEERLEADERS

(all talking at the same time)

Hey, yeah! Woo! Yeah…

EDWINA (shutting her up)

Moving on… !

(EDWINA shoves BECKY back into line and continues.)

Now, let’s see what’s next, shall we??

(EDWINA takes a letter from the pile as SCOTT tries to give her his letter again.)

SCOTT

You really need to read this one!

EDWINA

Scott, I told you…

Dear Edwina JR.

(#20 – ZIGGY INTRO begins.)

(They are interrupted by a calypso yell. It is ZIGGY MONTEGO.)

(#21– ZIGGY begins.)

Dear Edwina JR. Ziggy

ZIGGY

A la "Steel Drum"

& b b b b C Ó

7

& b b b b

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j

j

steel drum band.

ZIGGY:

ZIGGY:

9

& b b b b

11

& b b b b

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

Won't you help us dear Edœ

wee - hee - hee - na? We

13

& b b b b

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ œ Œ

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

Won't you help us dear Edœ œ œ œ œ œ œ

wee - hee - hee - na? There's a

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

big steel drum pa - rade down in Ja -

œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

BAND:

15

& b b b b

23

& b b b b

ZIGGY:

wee - hee - hee - na? And our

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

march - ing band can go if we can

& b b b b

œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ

Won't you help us dear Edœ œ œ œ

Œ

‰ j œ

& b b b b 27

œ œ œ œ œ œ

had a lit - tle bake sale, we

œ œ œ œ n œ œ œ œ b

œ

washed a lot of cars. We

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ

j

œ

œ œ

œ

‰ U

ZIGGY, BAND:

Won't you help us, we don't

want to stay home!

EDWINA

Now, this is a problem I can certainly relate to. It’s important to save for a rainy day. And when I forget how important this is, I sing myself a little tune taught to me by my fifteenth cousin twice removed, Mary Sue Betty Bob Spoonapple…

MARY SUE BETTY BOB Wooo-whhheee!

EDWINA

Why, Mary Sue Betty Bob, is that you?

MARY SUE BETTY BOB Sho-nuff!

EDWINA

You must be on your way to the Michigan State Fair! Betty Bob, come on up and introduce yourself to the folks!

MARY SUE BETTY BOB Howdee, Maw! Howdee, Paw! Howdee, Paw Paw!

EDWINA

I just love that song you used to play me on your banjo. Now, how’d that little tune go?

(#22 – PUT IT IN THE PIGGY begins. MARY SUE BETTY BOB puts on a straw hat and sings. The GIRLS play back-up singers, and the BOYS play the pigs.)

Dear Edwina JR. Put It In The Piggy PUT IT IN THE PIGGY

MARY SUE BETTY BOB:

you

look in - side your wal - let or your

bank book, or your purse and you

Þnd, how shall we say, the cup - board's

bare. There's a

les - son you should fol - low that at

Þrst is hard to swal - low, but in

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

time you'll learn to use with style and

ßair. It's a

GIRLS:

Style and ßair

10

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

les - son that I learned from all my

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

years down on the farm in the

rol - ling corn Þelds out in Il - li

nois. Far - mer

GIRLS:

Il - li - nois

FARMER JERRY:

off to the cit - eee, here's a

put it in the pig -

(GIRLS:) (PIGS:)

with me. For ex -

Snort!

Tempo I

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

28

&

am - ple, if you're hold - ing your al -

&

& 29

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

ú œ œ

GIRLS:

Fav - 'rite store.

sav - ing for a base - ball glove you've

want - ed all year long, You can

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

dore. And you Ó · Yum!

GIRLS:

#

see those Ju - ju - bes you just a -

go up to the coun - ter - top and

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

to your - self you say, "I de -

serve these Ju - ju - bes, I real - ly

(MARY SUE BETTY BOB:)

GIRLS:

do." A ‰ j ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ

Of course you do!

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ vis- ion may ap - pear. It's Farm - er ú ú ú ú ú ú b Ah Ah

FARMER JERRY:

Jer - ry loud and clear say - ing:

Ah Ah

I would put those back if I was

Tempo II (FARMER JERRY:)

(FARMER JERRY:) What the heck's a Jujube?

you...

GIRLS:

Put it in the pig - gy!

FARMER JERRY:

Do you real - ly need that?

Put it in the pig - gy!

I don't think so!

Don't for - get your friends on the farm. Ó

FARMER JERRY: (PIGS:) &57

(FARMER JERRY:)

&

59

≈

or your sav - ings will be toast.

GIRLS:

60

. œ œ n n œ œ

œ œ

‰

Oink!

b b b b b

61

62

(GIRLS:)

64

Put

FARMER JERRY:

Don't spend like a dork!

(GIRLS:)

GIRLS:

b b b b b

it in the pig

FARMER JERRY:

FARMER JERRY:

Here comes the pig

(#23 – THANKS FOR COMING (PART 1) begins.)

Dear Edwina JR.

Thanks For Coming (Part 1)

THANKS FOR COMING (PART 1)

EDWINA: Well, that's our show for today! And let's give a hand to the newest member of the Spoonapple Repertory Theatre, all the way from the beautiful city of Kansas City, Mo...

BOBBY: St. Louis.

EDWINA: St. Louis, Mo... Welcome my new neighbor and best friend...

BOBBY...?

BOBBY: Newsome.

EDWINA: NEWSOME. BOBBY, is there anything you want to say to your new public?

BOBBY: (star struck) Gosh... there are a lot of people I'd like to thank... the little people that helped me along the way to the top...

(BOBBY goes on and on until EDWINA Þnally cuts him off.)

4 Brightly 4x

& # # 4 4 . .

& # # 5

thanks for com - ing! It's 7 & # #

KIDS:

Well

& œ

œ œ œ œ œ

-

ing!

10 œ œ œ œ œ ‰ j œ

n

œ

œ œ œ ‰ j œ ‰ j œ

hope to see you next

& # #

week at "Dear Ed - wi - na."

(ALL:)

# # # #

go...

Now it's time to

Scott, what’s the matter?

SCOTT

Now it's time to

ú

go!

NOOOOOO!

The show’s not over. There’s one more letter!

EDWINA

Scott, we did all the numbers we rehearsed.

SCOTT

I think you should read it.

EDWINA

(SCOTT tries to give EDWINA the letter. BILLY snatches it and rips it open.)

BILLY

Here we have a letter from… Scott… Anonymous. (#24 – EDWINA begins. SCOTT begins to sing.)

Dear Edwina JR. Edwina

EDWINA

SCOTT: Dear Edwina, I've got... girl problems.

EDWINA: Oh brother.

EDWINA: Scott, we'll talk about this later!

SCOTT: ...The heart doesn't know the word LATER!

BILLY: Does it know the word DORK?

SCOTT: Tease me all you want! I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!

KELLI: Scott... we all know it.

BECKY: The whole neighborhood knows it.

ANNIE: Knows what?

EDWINA: Scott, can't we talk about this tomorrow?

1st time only)

EDWINA: Scott, we'll talk about this later!

SCOTT: ...The heart doesn't know the word LATER!

BILLY: Does it know the word DORK?

SCOTT: Tease me all you want! I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!

KELLI: Scott... we all know it.

BECKY: The whole neighborhood knows it.

ANNIE: Knows what?

EDWINA: Scott, can't we talk about this tomorrow?

5x

(vocal 1st time only)

do?

SCOTT: NO, I WILL NOT BE DENIED!!! (The KIDS, impressed with SCOTT's bravado, join in on backups.)

& b b b b b b b b b b

& & b b b b b b b b b b

Oo Sha - lah - dle lah - dle

next time my lawn needs ‰ j œ œ A ‰ j

Oo Sha-lah - dle lah - dle

carv - ing your name in the ‰ j

& & b b b b b

b b b b b œ œ œ œ œ œ

& & b b b b b b b b b b

Sha - lah - dle lah - dle

mow - ing, I'm ‰ j

‰ j

Oo Sha - lah - dle lah - dle

ú ‰ j

b ‰ j

œ œ

œ

w

œ œ œ

œœ

œ œ

kite? Or . . ú ú n Œ

Ah &

b œ ∫ œ œ œ b feel

(Everyone is truly impressed.)

(

Dear

Edwina JR. Thanks For Coming (Part 2) THANKS FOR COMING (PART 2)

KIDS: 25

3

œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

6

& # # # # 8

œ œ œ œ œ ‰ j œ

thanks for com - ing! It's

œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ

now it's

hope to see you next

Now it's time to

go!

(We’re now backstage, as the GIRLS crowd around SCOTT.)

KELLI

Wow, Scott.

BECKY, ANNIE

That was dreamy.

SCOTT (dipping EDWINA)

Annie… hold Edwina’s calls.

(The cordless phone rings. ANNIE picks it up.)

ANNIE

Hello… who’s this? Ann Van Buren from the Kalamazoo

Advice-A-Palooza Festival? I’m sorry, we’re not taking any calls right now.

EDWINA

(pushing SCOTT away and grabbing the phone)

Give me that phone!

BECKY (cheering)

Speakerphone! Speakerphone!

(EDWINA puts the phone on speakerphone as the KIDS crowd around and listen.)

TALENT SCOUT

(from her car)

Hi, kids! Sorry I had to run! But I want you to know… that was the most beautiful thing I ever heard.

EDWINA

Why thank you!

TALENT SCOUT

In fact, I think we’ve found a spot for you in the Kalamazoo

Advice-A-Palooza Festival! What talent! (EDWINA and the KIDS shout jubilantly.)

What passion!

(more jubilant reactions)

What a range!

(more jubilant reactions)

Scott, you’ll be just perfect to sing the National Anthem at the opening ceremonies!

EDWINA

(crestfallen)

Scott? But what about the rest of us?

TALENT SCOUT

Oh, that’s all we need for this year, honey.

EDWINA

But what about Dr. Joyce Brothers’ last-minute cancellation?

TALENT SCOUT

We got a new group in from Montreal. Advice du Soleil!

EDWINA

Advice du Soleil?

TALENT SCOUT

They all stand on each other’s heads… it’s fabulous!

SCOTT

I’m not going without my beloved Edwina.

TALENT SCOUT

Now, Scott, we have a million things to do.

SCOTT

No!

TALENT SCOUT

We’ve got a meeting tomorrow with the Detroit Free Press…

SCOTT

No!

TALENT SCOUT

… and we have to discuss what you’re going to wear to the gala opening…

SCOTT

No!

TALENT SCOUT

Of course Jennifer Lopez will back you up on the National Anthem…

(The TALENT SCOUT’s words register with SCOTT.)

SCOTT

Really?

TALENT SCOUT

I’ll have my assistant swing by the Dairy Queen in fifteen minutes to pick you up.

Come with me, Edwina!!!

SCOTT

EDWINA

You go ahead, Scott… we’ll always have Paw Paw.

(SCOTT exits as EDWINA hangs up the phone dejectedly. Nobody knows what to say, but each KID tries to comfort her as they exit.)

BECKY

Don’t worry, Edwina.

It’s a great show!

Chin up, kid!

We still had fun.

The dance must go on…

BILLY

CORDELL

ANNIE

KELLI

(BOBBY picks up the Tupperware bowl full of brownies and hands it to EDWINA.)

BOBBY

… Brownie?

(#26 – UP ON THE FRIDGE BREAKDOWN.)

Dear Edwina JR.

Up On The Fridge Breakdown

UP ON THE FRIDGE BREAKDOWN

(EDWINA gives BOBBY a withering look and snatches the Tupperware bowl. He leaves and EDWINA is alone.)

EDWINA: Oh, what's the point?

(EDWINA crawls into the wheelbarrow and sings.)

long for the day

point to the door and say,

"Gee! There's

Ka - tie and My - ra and & b b 10

(EDWINA:) Oh, who wants to go to stupid old Kalamazoo anyway!

Joe..."

& b b

EDWINA: Katie???

KATIE: Leave me alone!

∑ U

EDWINA

Katie Spoonapple, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at the Summer Math Olympics?

KATIE

(unintelligible) Iwanaweh!

EDWINA

What do you mean you ran away? You can’t run away! Mom and Dad are going to freak!

KATIE

Who cares about a gold medal in trigonometry, anyway!

EDWINA

You do! It’s been your specialty since the third grade.

KATIE

I’m never doing another math equation as long as I live.

EDWINA

What? Come on, start from the beginning.

KATIE

Well, we were getting ready for the multiplication trials, and Sally Farnsworth was sitting next to me. And next to her was Mary Kay Hooper.

EDWINA

Isn’t that the girl you beat out for All-State champion in the Division Division?

KATIE

Yeah. Anyway, she and Sally became super best friends for the week. And as we finished our equations, I happened to finish first.

EDWINA

Of course!

KATIE

And I brought my answers to the judge, and everybody clapped!

EDWINA

Hoooray!

KATIE

And then all of the sudden Sally whispered, “I hate that girl Kate! She thinks she’s so great!”

EDWINA

And you heard her…

KATIE

Everyone did! And Mary Kay nodded.

EDWINA

Maybe you just imagined it… (KATIE looks at EDWINA and sniffles.) No?

(KATIE shakes her head no and starts to cry. EDWINA comforts her.)

All I can tell you is – for a bunch of math champions – those girls sound pretty stupid.

Just forget it.

Hey…

EDWINA

(#27 – SING YOUR OWN SONG/UP ON THE FRIDGE (REPRISE) begins.)

Sing Your Own Song/ Up On The Fridge Reprise

SING YOUR OWN SONG/ UP ON THE FRIDGE (REPRISE)

KATIE: Well, all I want to know is... when do I get a best friend for the week?

EDWINA: Oh, Katie... (KATIE sits down next to her as EDWINA thinks of the right thing to say. EDWINA begins to sing.)

Ballad

& b b b b 4 4

(EDWINA:)

They're

learn to sing your spe - cial song and

drown them out. I won't pre -

tend it does - n't hurt. Some things kids & b b b b 8

say can hurt a lot. But what hurts & b b b b 9

some

sing your own song,

real - ly want to live your life that

way?

(EDWINA:) You better see if Joe can drive you back to the Olympic Village before Mom and Dad catch you.

(SCOTT enters the stage unseen by EDWINA. He listens to the following.)

KATIE: OK. I'm gonna win the gold for you!

27 4

& b b b b

EDWINA: And if you don't, that's OK, too! (KATIE turns back as she's about to exit.)

KATIE: You know, you give the best advice ever.

EDWINA: I do?

KATIE: I don't know what I'd do without you.

# # # 31 4

& b b b b

EDWINA: But the talent scout only wanted SCOTT. She didn't take my advice.

KATIE: Gee, Edwina, I think it looks like you didn't take it, either!

& # # # 35 3

(EDWINA thinks to herself as the KIDS begin to gather around her.) &

# # #

those who work

ALL:

what you love. And

(EDWINA finishes her song, smiling triumphantly. #28 – BOWS begins.)

BILLY

What’s that, Grandma… you’ve still got five minutes on the videotape? I think it’s time for an encore! Come on everybody, sing!

(#29 – HOLA, LOLA ENCORE begins.)

Words to Know from Dear Edwina JR.

Bewildered – to be completely puzzled

Borscht – a beet soup popular in eastern and central Europe

Bravado – confident, brave talk or behavior that is meant to impress or intimidate

Dejectedly – in a depressed manner

Eureka – a cry of joy or satisfaction indicating success

Extension – a ballet term describing a dancer’s ability to raise and hold a leg extended in the air

Flourish – a fancy way of doing something meant to attract attention

Grind – a difficult, tiring activity

Host – a large number

Impromptu – something done without being planned

Jubilant – feeling or showing great happiness or triumph

Jujubes – small, chewy and fruity candies

Limburger Cheese – an especially smelly type of cheese

Okra – a plant with edible seed pods

Pirouette – a ballet move that involves spinning on one foot

Prima – indicates the most important performer

Quandary – a difficult situation

Rambunctious – difficult to control or handle

Rectify – to correct; to put right

Sapsuckers – a species of woodpecker

Simultaneously – at the same time

Unassuming – modest

Unfurl – to unfold something, especially a flag or sail

Wiggy – crazy or weird

glossary

actor: A person who performs as a character in a play or musical.

author: A writer of a play or musical, also known as a playwright. A musical’s authors include the book writer, a composer and a lyricist. blocking: The actors’ movement in a play or musical, not including the choreography. The director usually assigns blocking during rehearsals.

book writer: One of the authors of a musical. The book writer writes the lines (dialogue) and the stage directions. Also called the librettist.

cast: The performers in a show.

cheating out: Turning oneself slightly toward the house when performing so the audience may better see one’s face and hear one’s lines.

choreographer: A person who creates and teaches the dance numbers in a musical.

composer: A person who writes music for a musical.

creative team: The author(s), director, choreographer, music director, and designers for a play or musical.

cross: When an actor onstage moves toward or away from another actor or object.

dialogue: A conversation between two or more characters.

director: A person who provides the artistic vision, coordinates the creative elements and stages the play.

downstage: The portion of the stage closest to the audience. The opposite of upstage.

house: The area of the theater where the audience sits to watch the show.

house left: The left side of the theater from the audience’s perspective. If something is located “house left,” it is to the left side of the audience as they are seated in the theater.

house right: The right side of the theater from the audience’s perspective. If something is located “house right,” it is to the right side of the audience as they are seated in the theater.

lines: The dialogue spoken by the actors.

lyricist: A person who writes the lyrics of a musical. The lyricist works with a composer to create songs.

lyrics: The words of a song.

monologue: A dramatic speech by one actor.

music director: A person who is in charge of teaching the songs to the cast and orchestra and maintaining the quality of the performed score.

musical: A play with songs that are used to tell a story.

off-book: The actor’s ability to perform his or her memorized lines without holding the script.

offstage: Any area out of view of the audience. Also called backstage.

onstage: Anything on the stage and within view of the audience is said to be onstage.

opening night: The first official performance of a production, after which the show is frozen (meaning no further changes are made), and reviews may be published.

play: A type of dramatic writing meant to be performed live on a stage. A musical is one kind of play.

protagonist: The main character in a musical. The action centers around this character.

raked stage: A stage which is raised slightly upstage so that it slants down towards the audience.

rehearsal: A meeting during which the cast learns and practices the show.

script: 1) The written words that make up a show, including spoken words, stage directions and lyrics. 2) The book that contains those words. speed-through: To speak through the dialogue of a scene as quickly as possible. A speed-through rehearsal helps actors memorize their lines, and it infuses energy into the pacing of a scene.

stage directions: Words in the script that describe the actions of the characters.

stage left: The left side of the stage, from the actor’s perspective. The same side of the theater as house right.

stage manager: A person who is responsible for keeping all rehearsals and performances on schedule.

stage right: The right side of the stage, from the actor’s perspective. The same side of the theater as house left.

upstage: The part of the stage furthest from the audience. The opposite of downstage.

warm-ups: Exercises at the beginning of a rehearsal or before a performance that prepare actors’ voices and bodies.

Actor’s Script Credits

Designers

Kevin Johnson

Steven G. Kennedy

Music Supervisor

Lindsay Lupi

Music Layout

Rob Rokicki

Contributing Editors

Dee Beider

Daniel J. Mertzlufft

Chris Fuller

Marianne Phelps

Cara Schuster

Associate Editor

Laura Jo Schuster

Senior Managing Editor

Susan Fuller

The Broadway Junior™ Concept and Format

Created by Music Theatre International (MTI)

Adaptation and support materials developed for MTI by iTheatrics under the supervision of Timothy Allen McDonald.

See MTI’s complete line of Broadway Junior™ musicals at broadwayjr.com

MTI’s School Edition and full-length musicals may be found at MTIShows.com