LOTS OF LOLS

You might have seen his new show on Netflix, but there’s nothing like seeing proper comedy live. Come and enjoy an evening with the one and only Michael McIntyre who brings his infectious laughter to the capital this month

It’s probably safe to assume that when Michael McIntyre saw the careers counsellor at his upmarket private school in England, he wasn’t advised to work on his skipping skills.

Nevertheless, it was his ability to bound gaily across the stage in the manner of an over-excited fouryear-old-boy that would eventually turn his fortunes around, taking him from jobbing stand-up to the world’s highest-earning comedian.

When he finally caught a break at the renowned Comedy Store club in

London, McIntyre was more than

Dhs220k in debt and travelling the country performing in low-end clubs for less than Dhs900. Then he appeared on the Royal Variety

Show, performing a series of physical comedy skits that saw him flying across the stage, arms swinging, and suddenly he found the door to the

VIP room of comedy had opened before him.

“The days when I couldn’t pay the rent and used a salvaged microwave as a dining table seem a world away now,” he said. “Yet I haven’t forgotten just how tough it can be. I used to look at houses and dream about them being our perfect place when in fact

I couldn’t even afford to pay the rent, let alone buy a house.”

No such worries nowadays. Last year alone McIntyre bagged a multimillion dirham deal with Netflix, rocketing him to the top spot on the comic league table, and cementing his position as the king of British comedy.

JULY 16

a Etihad Arena, Yas Island, from Dhs295. Etihadarena.ae

01

On his first Edinburgh gig “It was for one person. On a two-for-one deal. One guy who couldn’t even get someone else to come with him for free.”

02

On taking his children to a playgroup “You get a cup of tea and a biscuit – and measles.”

04

05 03

On sleep “There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.”

On marriage

“I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring and I even had it engraved. With the price.”

On kids

“My son’s got two words: car and map, that’s all he can say. ‘Car, car, map, car!’ I’m fairly worried he’s trying to escape. So if the next word is passport, we’re in serious trouble.”

06

On Valentine’s Day “You have to come up with this stuff every year. I just wrote, ‘I still love you, see last year’s card for full details.’”

08

On people “Who’s phoning radio stations to warn of traffic jams? Who in their right mind gets stuck and thinks, ‘Get me the phone, I must warn the others. It’s too late for me’.”

07

On Grammar “A Geordie said to me, ‘Are yous looking at us?’ How many mistakes can you make in one sentence?”

09

On Traffic “’Traffic’s a nightmare!’ That’s how people describe it, a nightmare. Has anyone had this nightmare? ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!’ ‘What is it, darling? Are you all right?’ ‘No, I’m not all right at all!’ ‘What was it?’ ‘TRAFFIC!!!’”

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