Chi Pi

By Randi Brydon

I wish there was such a thing as a chill pill. I guess I’ll settle for vitamins…

Lately I’ve had such a short fuse when it comes to, well, almost everything that’s not exactly how I want it to be. It defnitely has been taking a toll on me and others I’m close to. It’s unfortunate, for obvious reasons, but especially because this year, my main goal has been to practice patience. For me, this looks like letting go of the things that happen outside of my control. Reducing the amount of time I spend dwelling on the past or hoping to change it. Allowing others to make decisions that afect me and choosing to be okay with them. Letting my dogs be crazy, because at the end of the day, they’re animals. Leaving the stress of work at work. I think a lot about the future when I may have kids, and how much patience I’ll have to exercise. Tat scares me. I’m not even doing a good job now. What’s going to happen then?

On rare occasions, I’ve experienced the freedom in letting go, in trusting the process and trusting God. I’ve gotten to witness everything turn out okay and be pleasantly surprised by it. I didn’t have to hold onto anger and regret. I was able to be present. Unfortunately, most of the time, I just feel irritated and unsatisfed. I sit in my anger, I blame others, and I let time waste away. I thought I was doing well with my goal, but I haven’t been practicing patience at all, actually. Tere has been no letting go, just more pushing down and moving forward.

My wife is a true blessing for creating a space where I can share honestly about my troubles and release some of the things that I’m feeling. I’m darn proud of myself for stepping into that space. It hasn’t been long since letting some of these things go, but I feel lighter. After moments of surrender, it’s like God whispers to me,

“See? I told you so.”

God’s right.

Letting go will be a never-ending, ever-evolving process for me. I’m going to keep practicing, but in the meantime, can I get a chill pill?