PUZZLE ZONE
ACROSS 1. Take oath 7. Plane-jump sportsman 8. Phrase 10. Impartiality 12. Gaining knowledge 14. Recited 16. Niggles 17. Of metal
20. Countryside paintings 23. Foolishly idealistic 24. Puffed up 25. Genre
DOWN 1. Swirl 2. Unknown writer 3. Satirical sketch 4. Notions 5. Escapable 6. Tattered 9. Intends 11. Type of dive
13. Named before marriage 15. Shelter 16. Set in (design) 18. Cheddar or Edam 19. Hollywood award statuette 21. Gorillas or chimpanzees 22. Common seasoning
Puzzles supplied by Lovatts Publications Pty Ltd www.lovattspuzzles.com See page 40 for solutions.
THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE... AND OTHER SHORT STORIES
Great Moments in History: A Salute to Planking By Stuart McCullough IT was one of those ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moments. One during which our gradual evolution as high functioning intelligent beings was briefly sacrificed for a moment of collective madness. It was a moment in which common sense, logic and – most tellingly of all – personal safety were set aside in pursuit of something that, at the time seemed overwhelmingly important but now – with the benefit of hindsight – seems unforgivably dumb. I speak, of course, of planking. Some things drag on for decades. Others burn briefly but brightly and, once they’re gone, all we have left are the comet-trails and a tonne of awkward selfies left to remind us of what was. When the history of this country is written, I hope it will include a brief chapter on planking. Granted, it was a fad that (at least according to Wikipedia) ‘gained popularity and eventually notoriety from late 2010 to early 2011 in Australia’, but it left us forever changed. (Incidentally, as a rule of thumb, you know you’ve crossed a line when the Internet feels the need to single you out for special mention. Just saying.) It was beautiful in its simplicity. All you had to do is lie down and pretend you were a wooden plank. That was the whole shebang. There was no training, no special skills, no complicated instructions. Anyone could participate. And anyone pretty much did. If that sounds too good to be true, there’s a twist: it’s not enough just to plank, you have to do so in an unexpected location. Be it an office chair, a footpath or – for those with an appetite for danger – on top of a really tall building. Then someone needs to take a picture of it. The art of planking might have seemed as though it came out of nowhere but, in fact, there was a surprisingly long gestation period. It was apparently developed in America in 1984 by a couple of teenagers. Two different teenagers took to another level by videoing their efforts
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Mornington News 23 July 2019
in the early nineties. But planking didn’t really take off as an international phenomenon until about 2007 when someone decided to post photos on Facebook. Ah, Facebook. It’s funny how often the various plagues of humanity can be traced back to the same social media platform. Whether it’s promoting planking or undermining democracy in exchange for advertising revenue in an act of unreconstructed treason, Facebook is always at the centre of the action. And so it was that planking took off (which is ironic, given how sedentary it is) right across the globe, particularly in Australia.
Things got out of hand. Quickly. Soon people were posting pictures of themselves planking in places where to plank was simply a very bad idea. People did it at work. People did it at the supermarket. One guy in Brisbane did it on a seventh floor balcony and lost his balance, plunging to his death. Ultimately, New Zealand Prime Minister John Key did it on a couch (for safety’s sake) and was accused of ruining it for everyone. Just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. Almost overnight, talk of adding it to the school curriculum and including it as an Olympic sport dried up. People even lost interest in including planking on the twenty-dollar
note. The dream was over. Although planking as a fad has disappeared, it remains a legitimate form of exercise for those wishing to strengthen their core. For these people, planking always occurs in a safe environment. Somewhere, though, there’ll still be true believers; small pockets of plankers whose activities have been driven underground (which, incidentally, would be a very safe place to plank) as a means of avoiding social stigma. Doubtless they meet in secret and compare planking strategies, dreaming of the day when planking will be re-embraced by the general population. There have been other fads since. Things that have seized the public imagination before demanding a ransom and reluctantly letting it go again. There’s been dabbing (which ruined a generation of school photos), flossing (which insulted every dentist ever) and posting a video of yourself belting out ‘Let It Go’ at the top of your lungs while in full costume with your eyes closed. Or, on second thoughts, the ‘Let It Go’ thing could just be me. Next year is the tenth anniversary of ‘planking fever’. It’s an occasion that should not be allowed to slip by without remark. It should be celebrated. I’m not sure how best to commemorate this truly important time in our history. Coin? Commemorative stamp? A ‘first planking’ re-enactment on Sydney Harbour? A public holiday is a given. It would be poetic justice if celebrations included a statue, given that statues were prime planking targets back in the day. It’s funny what catches on. What, as a group, becomes important to us. As a kid, a yo-yo craze was an intermittent event that occurred in your local primary school and saw you and your classmates hotfoot it down to your local milk bar. The Internet has made that a universal experience. Happy planking to all. stuart@stuartmccullough.com