Montana Woman Issue No. 9, November/December 2020 by Montana Woman Magazine

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montana woman m a g a z i n e

ISSUE NO 9, NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2020: ELISHEBA BAGROW / COMING HOME

We're all just walking each other home. ram dass

table of contents VIGNETTES |

PILL ARS

Chloe Nostrant

I-94, EASTBOUND

Autumn Toennis

THIS IS MY MONTANA

Morgan Gemay Marks

THE ONES WHO LOVE US

Barbara Fraser

FOOD & SPIRITS |

JOSEPHINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CHILE SAUCE

from the garden

ORANGE CRANBERRY COOKIES

a party favorite

CHRISTMAS BUCKEYES

a holiday classic

HUCKLEBERRY PEACH PIE

the gem of the Northwest

WINTER SPIRITS

the flavors of solstice STANTON MOUNTAIN & MOUNT VAUGHT, GLACIER NATIONAL PARK 4

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54 60 72 elisheba bagrow lichen & pines letterpress

taking it to the house

in loving memory of emily mohler

ART & DESIGN |

HOW TO CREATE HOME

no matter where you are

FAIR ISLE

cross stitch ornaments

LIFE |

A SURVIVOR’S STORY

in strength & healing

I AM HOME

a 10 year journey after a sexual assult

FAT FLOATS

radical self acceptance.

MINDFULNESS MATTERS

present moment, wonderful moment

WELLNESS |

LEVITATION NATION

equipment you can take home for the holidays

KALISPELL REGIONAL HEALTHCARE

reducing risk with healthy choices

EDITOR’S DESK |

TO THE MOUNTAINS

To love simply AMSKAPI PIIKUNI, KOOTENAI, SELIS, & QLISPE LANDS | MEGAN CRAWFORD mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

montana woman

OWNER & EDITOR

megan crawford

Montana Woman is a platform. It’s a place to celebrate our achievements, a place to support each other, a place to acknowledge the resilience of the women of this state. It doesn’t necessarily matter where you’re from, you’re here now. In all of your loudness, your boldness, your fearlessness— you are here. We’re here, together. We publish a statewide magazine every other month that features women across Montana— the movers and shakers, the go-getters, the rule-breakers, the risk-takers. We all have a story to tell.

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

megan crawford

BUSINESS MANAGER

carrie crawford

Montana Woman Magazine as you know it began in October 2019. Right out of the gate with photographer Alexis Pike as the first cover feature— clad in fringe pants and a motorcycle helmet in a Bozeman alleyway— we’ve always been authentically ourselves. We believe in showing up as you are. You don’t need to change who you are to have a seat at the table. No matter your age, your identity, your hometown, you are welcome here. We believe in creating a publication that’s worth reading because we have stories worth telling.

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letter from the editor— On

an early morning in late July, we drove out east. The day bloomed as we went along, making our way past familiar sights— Swan Lake, Seeley Lake, Salmon Lake— the markers that you use to determine where you’re at. “Go past the ‘Ovando is open’ sign— is Ovando always open?” “Turn at the Sinclair station with the tiny dinosaur and the huge cow.” But, as we went on, we took a new turn: heading down Townsend’s Main Street toward White Sulphur Springs. Downtown faded out into small houses that faded out into ranches and homesteads, and soon we were going through the Helena National Forest alongside Deep Creek. Bright purple fireweed climbed up the canyon walls as the creek danced back and forth. As the road wound its way through the canyon, the walls began to recede and pines were traded

for golden fields and center pivot sprinklers. Hills led us down into the Smith River Valley and White Sulphur Springs— hot, dry, dusty, and wonderful. That became a theme throughout the drive. When you’re driving in rural Montana on the eastern side of the Rockies, you know exactly where the towns are. You can see them on the horizon— groups of trees huddled together, and within there’s always a small town. A post office, a bar or a few, some churches, a local market, a gas station. You can skip from town to town like a rock on water, from wheat fields to trees to wheat fields. We skipped along, Checkerboard to Harlowtown to Shawmut to Roundup, with a brief intermission in Musselshell. Back out to the 12, past Sumatra, wondering why so many Montana towns were named after much more well-known cities/ countries (Belgrade, Manhattan, Lima, Glasgow, Troy, Jordan). Through Forsyth and Rosebud

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with maybe enough gas, and past those towns with decidedly not enough gas. We rolled into Miles City on genuine fumes, sitting at a road construction light with two gas stations in clear view. Previously, the farthest east I’d been in Montana was Greasy Grass (Little Bighorn), and before that, Fort Benton. Most of my knowledge of Montana has come from its western third, which means that I’ve missed out on a lot of Montana. I grew up in California. Driving through the state usually consisted of concrete and smog, and if you weren’t local you’d have no idea where one city ended and the next one began. I hadn’t lived somewhere where you could look at the map and clearly point out four interstates for the entire state. So, needless to say, moving 1,000 miles away to a state whose entire population was a third of the county I moved from was a shock. But I never felt out of place— I moved to Montana and it

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made sense. Dressing for the -40° day I had a final exam, driving mountain passes in whiteouts, adjusting to a slower pace of life— you adapt. So yes, I’m from California, but we’re all from somewhere. Most of us who live in Montana came from somewhere else, whether we moved or relatives or ancestors moved (or you’re indigenous and, therefore, are genuinely from here). But, what brings us together is that same love for this state. For the land, the water, the endless sky. The flora & fauna, what the earth provides. That’s what makes it Montana. That unwritten sense of place— even when you’re in-between towns, you know where you are. The cicadas in the east, the larch in the northwest, the bison in the southwest, the sagebrush in the middle. Cactus blossoms to fireweed to glacier lilies, Rockies to gumbo hills.

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contributors

KELSEY MERRITT

SYDNEY MUNTEANU

STEPHANIE EVANS

CARRIE CRAWFORD

CHLOE NOSTRANT

NICOLE DUNN

LAUREN WILCOX

MORGAN GEMAY MARKS

MEAGAN SCHMOLL

SARAH HARDING

BARBARA FRASER

AUTUMN TOENNIS

JESSLYN MARIE

ALYSON DORR

MINDY COCHRAN PHOTO BY KIRALEE JONES

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behind the cover

COVER MUSE elisheba bagrow PHOTOGRAPHER katie wood, crowheart creative LOCATION whitefish, mt

read about elisheba bagrow on page 38 mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

Josephineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chile Sauce BY MARCIA ROSZKO

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This old favorite is decidedly easy to make if you use good, ripe tomatoes. It’s an all-around sauce for meats, especially pork. My mother would make this every year, as her garden produced lots of tomatoes. While the sauce was cooking, the aroma filled the whole house and made you hungry. She made enough to last throughout the winter months, when fresh tomatoes were not available. INGREDIENTS

PREPARATION & COOKING

½ gallon tomatoes 2 or 3 large onions, chopped 1 green pepper 1 or 2 hot peppers (poblanos are a good choice) 2 cloves garlic, chopped 1 cup sugar (may require a little more) 2 to 3 cups vinegar (a good cider vinegar is best) 2 tablespoons salt (or to taste) 1 teaspoon celery seed 1 ½ teaspoons pepper

1. Scald and peel the tomatoes, and chop coarsely. 2. Seed the peppers and chop. 3. Combine everything in a heavy kettle and bring to a boil. 4. Let the mixture simmer for 2 hours or more. Stir occasionally. 5. Taste for seasoning and texture. If the sauce seems too thin, you may want to cook down a bit longer. 6. Pour into hot sterilized jars and seal. 7. For best results, allow to ripen for a couple of weeks before serving.

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FOOD & SPIRITS |

orange cranberry sugar cookies IMAGE BY ANNIE SPRATT

BY L AUREN WILCOX

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temp: 350Ë&#x161;F

bake: 13-14 min

Last year, I hosted a cookie baking party for the holiday season with some close friends. I was planning on making my go-to sugar cookie recipe, then thought I should get creative and add some seasonal flavors. The Orange Cranberry Sugar Cookie was born! It is a soft, chewy cookie with a subtle orange flavor and a hint of cranberry. I think it is a perfect addition to your holiday treat repertoire, and I hope you enjoy making them!Â

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orange cranberry sugar cookies BY L AUREN WILCOX

temp: 350˚F

bake: 13-14 min

INGREDIENTS Zest of 1 orange Juice of 1 orange ½ cup dried cranberries 2 ¾ cup all purpose flour 1 tsp baking soda ½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt 1 cup unsalted butter, room temperature 1 cup & 2tbsp granulated sugar 2 Tbsp brown sugar 1 egg ¼ cup granulated sugar (for rolling cookies)

STEPS 1. Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a bowl and set it aside. 2. Chop cranberries, zest & juice orange, and combine. Set aside 3. Cream butter and sugars together until light and fluffy. Add egg and mix until fully combined. Add vanilla and mix until fully combined. 4. Add the cranberry orange mixture to the wet ingredients and mix until fully incorporated. 5. Add the flour mixture to the wet mixture gradually— the dough will be thick. 6. Using a cookie scoop, fill your baking sheet. Roll each of the cookie dough balls in sugar and place back on the cookie sheet. Cookie dough balls should be about 2 � apart. 7. Bake cookies 13-14 minutes until the edges begin to turn golden brown. 8. Cool cookies on the baking sheet for about 5 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack. 16

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from the readers I deeply enjoyed and appreciated your pieces in the latest magazine about your experience as a woman running a small business. It really spoke to me and I wanted to reach out and let you know (as I imagine many have) that I love the direction you’re taking Montana Woman Magazine. I love and sincerely appreciate your willingness and drive to discuss topics that perhaps weren’t brought to the forefront in the past. We have to discuss and illuminate these topics. As someone who grew up in Montana, it brings me to tears to see topics about race, gender equality, and so much more brought up in a place where that discussion was non-existent in my world growing up. Thank you and I stand behind what you’re creating and how you’re creating it. ALISSA L ACHANCE, DIRT RICH COMPOST

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FOOD & SPIRITS |

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christmas buckeyes BY ALYSON DORR

IMAGES BY JEREMIAH & RACHEL PHOTOGRAPHY

temp: 350Ë&#x161;F

bake: 16-18 min

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christmas buckeyes BY ALYSON DORR

As a little girl, I loved helping my grandma roll out hundreds of these sweet candies in preparation for Christmas. I’ve modified her recipe slightly, but it retains the same delicious, creamy chocolate-peanut butter flavor. This recipe makes a lot— about 200 candies, but it’s simple to cut in half. INGREDIENTS 2 lbs creamy peanut butter (switch it up with almond butter) 3 lbs powdered sugar (about 12 cups) 1 lb unsalted butter, softened 12 oz dark chocolate melting wafers 6 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips 2 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder STEPS Combine ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer and roll into small balls. Chill for 15 min.

Remove from heat. Put a toothpick in each chilled ball and dip into melted chocolate so ¾ of the ball is covered. Twist slightly to drip excess chocolate and place on parchment or wax to set.

NOTE: THIS RECIPE WAS PREVIOUSLY FEATURED WHERE WOMEN COOK (HOLIDAY) IN 2019 AND WAS PROVIDED BY THE AUTHOR.

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IMAGE BY JEREMIAH & RACHEL PHOTOGRAPHY

In a double-boiler on low, melt together: chocolate wafers, chocolate chips, and cocoa powder.

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Huckleberry Peach Pie BY MEGAN & CARRIE CRAWFORD

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don’t remember the exact first time I went huckleberry picking— we always looked for them on hikes, gallon Ziplocs in hand. Sometime around 2018 was the first time I specifically went huckleberry picking. We had an in on a good patch, so out came the same wrinkled Ziplocs. There’s something magical about it, making your way through brambles and over felled trees, seeking out bushes that hold a batch of inky marbles. It’s quiet— you can hear the sound of buzzing bees and the clacks of a grasshopper, the twigs that crack underfoot. This year, we went to our same secret spot, with the same ziplock bags (now somewhere in their fourth or fifth season). It was early September, late for huckleberries. Bushes that grew in the sun had deceptively soft berries, the kind that

burst in your hand as soon as you pick them. But still, in the shade, around tree trunks, there were batches of huckleberries, ready for pie. Huckleberry peach pie isn’t exactly a winter dessert, I know. But, for those of you who had the willpower to freeze the berries you collected and not consume them in one fell swoop, this can be a winter pie. For our friends who don’t reside in huckleberry states, you can use blueberries as a substitute. For this pie, we used a pie crust recipe from our second issue (November 2019)— Alice Weyerbacher’s Blue Ribbon Apple Pie. Honest to goodness, it’s the best pie crust I’ve ever had. I will note: we did have a few slices of pie before I even photographed it, but in my defense, it was too dark to get a good picture.

Ingredients FOR THE CRUST

FOR THE PIE

2 cups all-purpose flour 1 tsp. salt 1 Tbsp. sugar 2/3 cups Crisco 5-6 Tbsp. ice cold water

1 cup huckleberries 5 cups sliced peaches 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 cup sugar 3 tablespoons corn startch 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons butter

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Prep & Baking temp: 350˚F

bake: 50-60 min

GRANDMA ALICE’S BLUE RIBBON APPLE PIE CRUST

1. In a medium bowl, prepare pie crust by mixing flour, salt, sugar, and Crisco with pastry cutter or fork until small balls appear in the dough. 2. Add ice-cold water to dough, cutting into dough until just mixed. Avoid over-working. 3. Split dough in half, forming a ball with half the dough and place on a 12" square of wax paper. Cover with another 12" square of wax paper and use a rolling pin to roll towards the edges of the square. 4. Slowly remove the wax paper from the top of the 12" dough circle, then lightly replace before flipping crust over to remove the bottom piece of wax paper. Leave this piece of wax paper off, sliding hands under the wax paper bottom to flip over pie pan. Remove wax paper from the top of the crust. Slowly lift the edges of the dough to settle into the edges of the pie pan. PIE FILLING & BAKING

5. Rinse huckleberries in cool water and slice peaches. 6. In a large bowl, combine huckleberries, peach slices, and lemon juice. 7. Add sugar, corn startch, cinnamon, and salt. Gently toss the mixture (don’t mash the huckleberries!). 8. Spoon the filling into your pastry-lined pan. Slice the butter and dot it on top of the filling. 9. Roll out the remaining pastry and repeat Step 4. 10. Cover the fruit mixture with top crust— don’t forget to cut a design or simple vents at the center. You can also use extra pastry to cut out shapes to add on top. 11. Pinch the bottom & top crusts together. You can add a dash of sugar to the top crust at this stage. 12. Bake at 350ºF for 50-60 minutes, or until crust is golden brown. 13. Remove, allow to cool, and serve with whipped cream or a scoop of ice cream (or on its own)!

NOTE: PORTIONS OF THIS RECEIPE WERE PREVIOUSLY FEATURED IN ISSUE NO. 2 (NOVEMBER 2019) OF MONTANA WOMAN MAGAZINE

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FOOD & SPIRITS |

wiNtEr Spirits the flavors of solstice BY MEGAN CRAWFORD

All of this came to be because of an Old Fashioned I had last fall. I knew it had maple syrup, and I kept thinking it had chai, but chai in an Old Fashioned? We went back to the same restaurant, but they didn’t have their seasonal drinks or any form of chai behind the bar. Either way, I was going to remake the mystery cocktail. I’m not sure how spot on this recipe is to the original, but it’s good. Sweet, smoky, warm, & spiced. You can make the chai simple on its own for iced coffee or overnight oats. While I knew I wanted to include a fireside cocktail, I knew I also wanted to include some non-alcoholic recipes. Both drinks can easily be made in big batches— the cider can be kept refrigerated or frozen, and the spritzer can be kept at the ready if you just top the main mix with tonic water.

chai simple

old fashioned

1 1/4 cups water 2 teaspoons brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1/4 cup Runamok cinnamon vanilla maple syrup 2 chai tea bags

1.5 oz chai simple 1.5 oz WP old fashioned syrup* 2 oz bourbon

Add water and brown sugar to a pot, bring to a boil. Add tea bags, cover with a lid, and steep for 8-10 minutes. Remove tea bags and add maple syrup. Bring back to a boil for 2-3 minutes, then remove again. Add in vanilla. If you’re using a plain maple syrup, you can add in an extra dash of cinnamon. Let cool, then store in a jar. Will keep refrigerated for 2 weeks.

Add ingredients into a shaker or glass. Stir, then pour into a rock glass over ice. You can garnish with a cherry, an orange peel, or you can just enjoy it as-is.

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*In place of old fashioned syrup, you can make a standard old fashioned (bitters, sugar, water) and add in the chai simple.

mAPlE cHai OlD fasHiOnED mon tan awoman .com | no v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

ingredients 6 oz cran pomegranate juice 4 oz elderflower tonic water 1 orange

preparation

ElDErFlOwEr sPriTz

Fill your glass with ice, add cran pomegranate juice. Cut orange in half. Cut a wedge out of one half & squeeze into the glass. Save the other half for the garnish. Add four ounces of elderflower tonic (I ended up topping off my glass with tonic, so it was probably closer to 6 ounces of tonic). Garnish with an orange curl & enjoy! 30

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solsticE ciDEr ingredients 2 apples 2 pears 1 orange 1 cup cranberries Scant 1 teaspoon whole cloves 10 cups water 1/4 cup maple syrup 1 teaspoon brown sugar

preparation Prep your oranges, apples, pear, and cranberries. Apples and pears can be cut into slices or wedges. Cut orange wedges and poke whole cloves into the rind. A little goes a long way! Add all fruits to a stockpot, then add 6 cups of water. be sure to leave about an inch or two from the top of the pot. Bring the cider to a light boil. Reduce heat to medium low, cover, and let simmer for about 2 hours. You’ll know the cider has simmered long enough when the apples are soft (check with a fork or wooden spoon). In the meantime, enjoy the warm scent of cider! Once the apples are soft, mash the mixture with a potato masher or wooden spoon. Don’t worry about rinds or stems! Cover again and let simmer for 30 minutes. Remove from heat. Using a fine strainer or cheesecloth, stain out the solid pieces. I only had a flour sifter, but it worked, too! Stir in maple syrup & brown sugar. If it’s not sweet enough, you can add more syrup or some brown sugar. Serve warm. Will keep refrigerated for about 2 weeks. Makes roughly 8 cups (64 oz) of cider (I spilled some in the straining process, so this is an estimate!). mon tan awoman .com | no v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

always something special

M O N TA N A’ S C O M P L E T E F U R N I T U R E & D E S I G N R E TA I L E R S I N C E 1 9 76 It’s no accident that Wright’s Furniture in Whitefish has become a favorite destination for home furnishings and accents. Since the first family members opened the business doors in 1976, Wright’s Furniture has focused on providing competitive prices backed by service and highly knowledgeable staff. Now, the third generation of the Wright family is active in the business. Wright’s Furniture provides endless variety, carrying product lines from hundreds of manufacturers, plus specialty furniture, accents, and art from local artisans and craftspeople. With over 60,000 square feet of combined showroom and warehouse space, a vast display area is provided, allowing more floor settings to view in search of design ideas. Prices range from low to high and “Apples to Apples,” Wright’s guarantees the lowest price within 250 miles. To further extend their commitment to satisfaction, Wright’s “Satisfy the Customer” policy is unparalleled, allowing the return of items immediately after delivery if not happy with the selected product. Ready to serve with 25 caring employees, Wright’s Furniture is open 7 days a week. Wright’s offers in-house design services, product specialists, special orders, service repair, and free delivery for trips less than 100 miles round trip. The Wright’s welcome you to stop by at 6325 Highway 93 South in Whitefish and explore their unique and interesting selections as so many people have done for three generations. Wright’s Furniture, Montana’s Complete Furniture and Design Retailer since 1976.

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ART & DESIGN |

how to create home

IMAGE BY TARYN ELLIOTT

BY SYDNEY MUNTEANU

m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 9

ntil I moved to Montana, I hadn’t lived in one single home for longer than a year since my sophomore year of high school. That was 13 years of moving into a new physical space. Every. Single. Year. Sometimes this was by choice (I moved to a new city, or I was traveling). Most times, it was by circumstance. Despite years of packing up for a new place every 300 days or so, I never really thought twice about it. Until the summer I spent contemplating moving to Montana. This time it felt so different. This time it felt like a big choice. And perhaps that was because, for the first time, I had never felt so strongly that I wanted to be in a place. I needed to be here. I love this line, and I will never forget reading it in the first Montana Woman issue that I ever picked up: It’s a place to celebrate our achievements, a place to support each other, a place to acknowledge the resilience of the women of this state. It doesn’t necessarily matter where you’re from, you’re here now. “You’re here now.” So perfectly describing how I felt and also so comforting. Quieting the little voice in my head. Yes, you can call this place home. And yes, you belong here. According to an essay put out by the nonprofit writing center The Telling Room, “A home is any place where you are comfortable and feel as if you can be yourself. A home is a place where you feed off of positive energy and feel free. It does not matter whether your home is outside in nature or in an apartment, as long as your heart is there.” I believe that a home is more than just a physical space. It’s the energy it holds for you. And by way of decorating— with things, with people, with pets— it becomes a physical representation of that energy. This issue is resonating with me at a very particular moment in time. In part due to covid,

because I haven’t traveled anywhere in the past 7 months and I’ve never felt so grounded. And otherwise, because I’ve been creating my own very special new home. Building and owning one for the very first time. And this time, with the intention of never having to move again. Throughout the process of building, I realized so much of my design “philosophy” came from building short-term sanctuaries along my journey. From the very first home I rented with my college roommates to my tiny, overpriced Santa Monica studio apartment. And that whether you’re owning or renting, your move is temporary or long-term, or your space is big or teeny-tiny, the practice of creating a home remains that same. You can make any place feel homey as long as you make it a space where you feel at ease and comfortable. My boyfriend’s favorite saying is, “Be where your feet are.” It’s true in all aspects of life, but I’m stealing it here because I don’t think there’s any better application than in your actual home. Where you are right now is really all that’s important. And why not make it feel as good as you can? Below is a list of my self-made philosophies on creating a space that feels like home, no matter where you are. UNPACK YOUR THINGS. Hang up your art. Put up your photos. No matter how “temporary” the place is. Even when I get to my hotel room, the first thing I do is unpack my entire bag and hang my clothes in the closet. INVITE YOUR FRIENDS OVER. It doesn’t

matter how “small” you think your space is. My tiny little LA apartment? It was literally tiny. But shortly after I moved in, my friends insisted that we have girl’s night at my place. We jammed in there, drank too many bottles of wine, ate dinner sitting on my counter, and had the best time. It’s still one of my most favorite hosting memories. EDIT FREQUENTLY. But don’t feel bad about having knickknacks on display that make you smile. One of the few positives about moving is that it’s a great way to simplify. And if Marie Kondo has taught us anything, less is truly more. But I also believe that some mess is also just life. For example, if you know you’re not mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

THE SENSORY EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOME IS SO IMPORTANT. Smell,

lighting, fabrics, sound— all of it. I, for one, cannot stand it when my house is too cold. I also love to always have music playing and insist that all my lights are on dimmers so that I can adjust to the mood. Whenever I’ve moved, I’ve set up a Sonos system, brought in candles, and changed out my light switches. CREATE A CONNECTION WITH THE OUTDOORS. Ideally you can have a backyard,

a patio, or a view. But even if you can’t have an outdoor space, including earth elements like a house plant, wood furniture, framed photos of an outdoor adventure… Hey, even a vase full of flowers goes a long way!

And my last one is simple: MAKE YOUR BED AS COZY AS POSSIBLE.

My point is to know your vibe and to make sure you live in it. I know that I’m personally looking forward to celebrating this season of coziness and hominess. And to creating spaces where we feel most positive, fulfilled, and free. SYDNEY MUNTEANU is a communications and branding strategist with a passion for storytelling. She grew up in Colorado and received her B.S. from the University of Colorado, Boulder and left in 2012 to pursue a marketing career in Los Angeles. After 5 years of city life, the call back to the mountains was too great and she found (and fell in love with) her new home in Whitefish, Montana. Sydney has a marketing consulting business working with food & beverage, wellness, and women’s brands. Connect and find her work at backlabelbranding.com

IMAGE BY RACHEL CLAIRE

the best at putting laundry away, then why not get some pretty baskets to let it “live” in? Or, if you love to collect rocks and feathers from your outdoor adventures, then why not get a beautiful bowl or create some shelf space to display those memories?

IMAGE BY STEPHANIE HARVEY

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ART & DESIGN |

FAIR ISLE

stitched ornaments BY MEGAN CRAWFORD

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air Isle is a small island northeast of Scotland— just under three square miles of land. Despite its small size, the island produced one of the most iconic knitting techniques: the Fair Isle. Traditional Fair Isle pieces typically consist of no more than five colors. The term has come into vernacular as a descriptor for most minimal colored Nordic-style sweaters, but a true Fair Isle is made from Shetland wool by a small collective on the island (originally known as the Fair Isle Cooperative, brought back in 2012 by artist Mati Ventrillon). These patterns aren’t a true Fair Isle, mainly since they’re cross stitch patterns, but I followed the same repetitive patterns and held onto a minimal color palette. Each pattern contains part of another, making them work well as a trio of ornaments. The simple, single-color patterns are great for a beginner and make sweet handmade gifts. I’ve included patterns for both 18 count and 14 count cloth— I usually work with 18 count, but 14 count is a great starting point! If you’re new to cross stitch or are worried about being able to easily see your work, 14 count is a good option. If you want a tight pattern, go for 18 count. Use whatever colors you want— add multiple colors into one pattern, stitch white thread on black cloth, add in metallic thread or beads— fill your hoop with what makes you happy!

SUPPLIES

⩕ embroidery floss, 1 skein per color ⩕ 14 or 18 count Aida ⩕ 3˝-5˝ embroidery hoops ⩕ needle & scissors ⩕ optional: suede cord, twine, or ribbon

THREADS 355

A B C D E

930

C E G I B D F H J BLANKET STITCH

RUNNING STITCH

FINISHING

3362

B D CROSS STITCH

There are several different ways to finish a piece, but the following is the method I use. Once you’ve finished stitching your piece and it’s centered in the hoop, trim the excess cloth, leaving about 1˝ of cloth. If you have an extra hoop on hand (or before you center & trim the piece you’re working on), take the inner hoop and trace the outside of it onto a piece of felt or fabric of your choice. Cut the felt, and add whatever stitches you want (initials, date, a quote)! Returning to the stitched piece, bring the excess thread together with a running stitch (see page 37). Once the excess cloth is fairly flat, you can attach your backing. Using a blanket stitch, attach the felt to the piece. Finish with a cord, twine, or ribbon to hang the piece.

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55 54 53 52 51 50 49 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10

18 COUNT PAT TERNS

FIND THESE PATTERNS IN PRINT OR ONLINE!

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blue ornament 18ct - Page 2

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43 42 41 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10

These pages are also cross stitch patterns!

14 COUNT PAT TERNS

You can find patterns in back issues, or you can purchase individual patterns online. We’ll take this extra space to show you some of the pieces we’ve made this year. Each pattern is drafted & stitched by the editor! 2

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If you stitch one of our patterns, let us know! Tag us on instagram @montanawomanmagazine 1

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42

If you’re looking to purchase a magazine & a cross stitch kit, head over to The Farmer’s Daughter Fibers in Great Falls* or visit thefarmersdaughterfibers.com 14 15

blue ornament 14ct - Page 2

15 16

*WHILE SUPPLIES L AST 26

40 1

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10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63

WILD FORAGE ISSUE NO. 8

37 38 39 40

THE GREAT OUTDOORS ISSUE NO. 7

37 38 39 40

63 1

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63

18 COUNT PAT TERN

SPECS & TIPS

⩕ 18 count patterns are 31/2˝x31/2˝ (red) and about 23/4˝x3˝ (blue & green) ⩕ 14 count patterns are 21/4˝x23/8˝ MONTANA WILDFLOWERS WOMAN WORK ⩕ useISSUE two strands NO. 6of thread for stitches ISSUE NO. 5 ⩕ it’s okay if you make a mistake— youof can the pattern and no one will know! CIRCLE Copy winterfudge sweater - Page 2 PATTERNS & PHOTOGRAPHS BY MEGAN CRAWFORD mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

VIGNETTE |

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PILLARS BY CHLOE NOSTRANT

My tired eyes rest upon the dark horizon, the first rays of morning fill the empty night. In the light revealed are white pillars standing in formationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; wind turbines built to harvest what thrives here best. Their giant blades cast long shadows on the corduroy fields, collecting in long sweeping gestures the potential in the wind.

CHLOE NOSTRANT is a writer, photographer, and artist (among other things) from Livingston, Montana. Finding stories in Montanaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s vast landscapes, winding rivers, and saloons, she pulls inspiration from the characters born of these circumstances. Curious with how a place dictates the people, she travels around Montana and the American West documenting its people and places (and fishing its streams).

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to the mountains L AUREN & ROBERT WILCOX HYALITE CANYON

BY MEGAN CRAWFORD IMAGES BY TROY MEIKLE

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IT WAS A PERFECT DAY, and not in the traditional sense of a perfect day in Montana— it rained on and off, the wind came and went, but it was perfect. We caravanned out to Hyalite Canyon, just outside of Bozeman. As we crossed the reservoir, the roadwork began, the mud puddles deepened, and the road narrowed. Bouncing down the road with the photographer and videographer— two women I went to school with— we made our way deeper into the canyon. Rain came and went in thin sheets, and the mud puddles were bright orange from the red clay. I carried Lauren’s bouquet in a vase up the hill to the spot set for the ceremony, carefully watching for gopher mounds and avoiding the sweet wildflowers and strawberries. We huddled under the pine trees for some shelter from the rain, and it was perfect. I’ve known Lauren and Robert Wilcox since our freshman year at Montana State University. Lauren and I (along with Janae Lamm, the videographer) were in an overflow group at orientation, so we spent the weekend together. We were all set to be in the photo program, and Lauren and I happened to be assigned to the same floor of Hapner Hall. Throughout our

freshman year, I would pack up my butterfly chair (the one piece of furniture I owned in the dorms) with popcorn, hot cocoa packets, ramen, a nail polish bin, and a variety of DVDs and make my way down the hall. We shared our favorite bands (and ended up going to a number of concerts together), watched Downton Abbey (until the end of Season 3, which was the end of the show for Lauren), made fancy cocoa with Lauren’s shaker of cinnamon sugar— we pretty much hit it off right from the get-go. One day, either at a dining hall table over bowls of cereal or in Lauren’s dorm with bowls of ramen, she told me about a guy in her Knowledge & Community class. That he was cute, from California, and she didn’t know how to talk to him. She Facebook Messaged him and they chatted for a bit, and he ghosted her when she asked if he wanted to hang out (something that will probably come up in stories for eternity, sorry Robert, it’s your own doing). But, sometime during our second semester, he messaged her back. Over several bowls of dining hall cereal, Lauren told me more about Robert. I hadn’t known Lauren that long in the

grand scheme of things, but I could tell that this was different. There I was, six years later, snort-crying at their elopement (the kind of crying where you try to hold it in, but that only makes it worse). I remember the day they Facetimed me to share the news of their engagement— I was sitting on the floor, also crying at how sweet it all was. I was there, adding signs and bouquets to Lauren’s Pinterest board, writing their wedding sign, painting yard Jenga blocks. I remember the call when the entire thing was up in the air due to covid. Despite going from a wedding that would have been at Bridger Bowl with international travelers to a small elopement in Hyalite with 17 of us, it was perfect. The rain, the mud, the dogs that ran down the trail to excitedly meet Lauren and Robert, all of it was meant to be. I hugged Lauren after the ceremony, and she didn’t even notice it was raining. There were pins sticking out of her bouquet from trying to add

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the blue velvet ribbon, but that didn’t matter. The mud, the rain, the pins— they were all simply meant to be. That small gathering on a grassy hill carpeted in wildflowers— the freshman year core classes, the dining hall stir fry, the evenings at the Procrastinator Theatre, the nights out at Hyalite— it was all confoundingly and magically and simply sublime. Every now and then, life gives you moments when the world can feel so vast or so small or both all at once. That rainy day in late June was one of those moments— a cataclysm of everything it took to get to that one place in time, but something so sweet, like looking down into a snow globe. In this wild expanse, in a year when weddings have been rescheduled two or three times, 17 people were able to come together with the pines, the mountains, and the rain, and demonstrate that love can be shown so simply.

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CLOSE TO HOME WHEN IT MATTERS MOST When your child is sick, you’ll do anything to stay by their side. For many Montana families, getting specialty care used to mean traveling out of state, separating siblings, and missing school and work. Pediatric specialists at Montana Children’s are the

montanachildrens.org

largest group of pediatric physicians in the state, and they have the expertise and resources to provide comprehensive care for a wide range of medical conditions — so kids can heal and families can stay close.

a a contemporary contemporary art art museum museum

The Square invites you to participate in an exhibition of work by Christina The Paris Gibson Square Museum Art (The Thevalues Paris Gibson Square Museum of Art (The Rothe. OneHartCall Project highlights universally shared of hope, love,of Square) in Great Falls, Montana has been has been Square) in Great Falls, Montana and respect. Rotheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s intent is to create unity through art. To accomplish this, exhibitingexhibiting art, teaching art and supporting art, teaching and supporting she invited socially and culturally diverse communities from Spokane, WA to artart the development of contemporary and art and the development of contemporary partake in creative collaborations that included artists art making, oral histories, choral since 1977. Housed in the historic artists since 1977. Housed in the historic performances, music, and dance. The work comes herFalls vested interest Great from Falls school built in 1896 by 1896 Paris by Paris Great school built in in the betterment of human relationships andGibson, the positive results of creating the founder of Great Falls. Gibson, the founder of Great Falls. bonds through art despite individual differences.

The Square knownis for its exceptional The isSquare known for its exceptional rotating exhibitions showing local, regional Christina Rothe was raised in Lagos, Nigeria and born rotating in Germany. She lives exhibitions showing local, regional and national contemporary artists, in nationalknown contemporary artists, in and works in Washington and is a multi-media artist. Sheand is primarily for addition to its outdoor sculpture garden and addition to itsthreads outdoorofsculpture garden and her dramatic large-scale thread paintings, where she layers individual educational gallery programing. The museum educational gallery programing. The museum various weights and colors one thread at a time onto a surface. In this exhibition, offers outstanding onsite studio classes toclasses to offers outstanding onsite studio Rothe combines technology with tradition to complete her project vision where the community in ceramics, printmaking, community ceramics, printmaking, layers of sound, community art works, video, and audiothe recordings are in woven painting, painting, drawing and more!and more! drawing

CHRISTINA ROTHE, 2020. SHADOW HEART. 53" x 26"

CHRISTINA ROTHE Awakening and the OneHeartCall Project_building community with the voices of our hearts through the arts

CHRISTINA ROTHE, 2020. THE SPACES INBETWEEN. 4' x 8'

seesee the the art art & make the the art art & make OCTOBER 2, 2020 THROUGH FEBRUARY at the square at the square 12, 2021

into a creative visual display.

PARISPARIS GIBSON SQUARE GIBSON SQUARE Paris Gibson Square MUSEUM OF ART MUSEUM OF ART Museum of Art 1400 First Avenue North

1400 First Avenue 1400 First North Avenue North Great Falls, MT 59401 Great Falls, MT 59401 Great MT 59401 TheFalls, (406)727-8255 Square (406)727-8255 406-727-8255 / the-square.org www.the-square.org www.the-square.org www.facebook.com/PGSMOA/ www.facebook.com/PGSMOA/

HOURS OF OPERATION HOURS OF OPERATION

Online Reception: Friday, OpenVirtual Monday-Friday 10am to10am 5pm, to including Open Monday-Friday 5pm, including October 2, 2020 at 5:30 pm, Facebook Live @ to Tuesday Tuesday EveningsEvenings 5-9pm, and Saturday Noon to Noon 5-9pm, and Saturday facebook.com/PGSMOA 5pm. Closed and Select Holidays. 5pm.Sundays Closed Sundays and Select Holidays. free admission!

free admission! Artist Workshop: Saturday, October 3,

2020 from 10:00am to 3:00pm, Call to Enroll

montana woman

Exhibitions presented by Paris Gibson Square Museum of Art are supported in part by thein Montana ArtsMontana Council,Arts a state agencyafunded by thefunded State ofbyMontana the National Exhibitions presented by Paris Gibson Square Museum of Art are supported part by the Council, state agency the Stateand of Montana and Endowment the National Endowment for the Arts. Additional funding is provided andmembers the citizens Cascade County, and generous support from support Montana Federal CreditFederal UnionCredit and D.A. Davidson. for the Arts. Additional fundingbyismuseum providedmembers by museum andofthe citizens of Cascade County, and generous from Montana Union and D.A. Davidson.

VIGNETTE |

I-94, Eastbound BY AUTUMN TOENNIS

IN MONTANA, there is a hill you come to as you’re headed eastbound on I-94. When you crest up to the top of it, you can see in the distance the collection of buildings and lights that make up the edge of Miles City. My mother pointed it out once on one of our trips home from Billings when I was young. She told me that when she and my father were living in Washington, reaching this view always let them know they were home. That hill took on the same meaning for me. Coming home from college, from airports, from abroad, from road trips— this hill has always provoked a sigh inside of me, like a deep settling of relief. You’ve made it.

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Last September, my husband and I came back to Brooklyn very late from upstate New York. We came back so late, in fact, that the four lanes that funnel traffic into the Lincoln and Holland tunnels were completely empty; so late, that there were hardly any taxis out on the streets. The doorways of shops and restaurants were dark, and we drove through Manhattan with the top down, catching glimpses of a full moon through the towering buildings. I had never seen the city so hushed, as though it was in danger of nodding off. We slowed through Tribeca and then turned left, opening onto the slope of the Brooklyn Bridge and its two arches, the East River moving like ink below us. As we approached the second arch, I felt myself breathe deep. You see, when we get to the second arch, I know that our apartment is five minutes away on a quiet street; that we have five flights in a creaky stairwell to climb before a key turn, where Nik will then drop the bags he refuses to let me carry, check the citrus trees (first thing), and I will click on the lamp at my desk to read the postcard I always find in the mailbox after a weekend away. When I see the second arch of the Brooklyn Bridge, my body settles in the way it does at that hill on I-94. I am thankful. Montana has taught me what home feels like, no matter where I am. AUTUMN TOENNIS is a writer and artist from Miles City, Montana. She graduated in 2014 with a degree in English Writing from Montana State University Bozeman, and has spent her time since then following words around the country and the world. Last year, she moved to New York City to pursue a career in publishing, and continues to work remotely for Open Country Press, a small, independently-run Montana press. She currently lives in Brooklyn with her husband and a small windowsill orchard. You can follow her on Instagram @autumn_toennis, or find her at her Etsy shop, AutumnMarieArt. mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

IMAGE BY SAMI CLIFFORD | HONEYSEED PHOTOGRAPHY & FILM

FEATURE |

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elisheba bagrow:

IMAGE BY ALESSIA DONIGAGLIA

lichen & pines letterpress

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IMAGE BY KATIE WOOD | CROWHEART CREATIVE

henever I enter the Flathead Valley, my body relaxes. My shoulders drop, my breathing becomes easier. I feel a grounding that flows through my body and centers me. The earth pulls me, and I want to embrace every tree, float in all the rivers, see every cloud. I first came here a young, naive, slightly sheltered gal from Tennessee, not knowing half of what I was getting myself into. Just graduating from college and ready to dive straight into a season with the Montana Conservation Corps, I ate up the Wild West like I’d been starving my whole life. Camping, hiking, mountains, rivers, trail work, crosscut saws, beers, boys. I dove in hard. The adventures and experiences I’ve had fill countless journals, some held together by rubber bands and full of leaves and papers, grimy with dirt and maybe a little chalsa (cheese dip & salsa, an incomparable backcountry delight). After 6 seasons with MCC and the Forest Service combined, I started to get an itch for something

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else. Art was always an escape for me and I took at least one art class, if not more, every year I was in school— all kinds; drawing, painting, photography, ceramics. While in the backcountry at Schafer Meadows Ranger Station, my main source of creativity was letter writing. I would make envelopes out of old magazines, with water & flour for glue. Drawing, stamping, finding odds and ends of leaves I could stuff in that wouldn’t anger the postal service and fit easily in the boxes packed out by the mule train. One day I was reading, what book I don’t remember, but it must have been good because this idea came and hit me full force. I would open up a stationery store that had all the beautiful paper things, and it would provide everything anyone needed to write a letter, right down to the desks. It was a grand idea and the planning started right away. What artists we would carry, the kind of community the shop would create. I really wanted it to be in the Flathead Valley, a place that had become so supportive, where we have to be so creative in how we live because of

how remote and unique this state is. There would be no internet, a place to get away from the hustle & grind. Slowly though, reality started to set in. This would take a large investment, much commitment, and business savvy I didn’t have at the time. Sometime during all of this dreaming, a friend suggested I make my own cards, and that sounded like the most impossible thing in the world.

my personal life for a little bit, and with some job changes and unknowns, life eventually led me to Bozeman, Montana, where I got to learn from Molly with Ice Pond Press and Stephanie Newman at the university. During my time there, and completely unplanned, an opportunity came for me to buy my own press.

But this paper dream kept me going, and finally, when my last season with the Forest Service ended, I got to really take a chance to see if, maybe, I could make my own cards. There is a school in Seattle that focuses on design skills, and

Letterpress printing is a very old form, and for most of its lifetime, hasn’t been considered an art but a necessity. Since the early 15th century, the way we got all of our news and education was through printing, attributed to Johannes

IMAGE BY JACI VIGIL

…

they had a letterpress program that was two and a half months long and very affordable. I packed up most of what I had in my car and drove to Seattle. It was love. All this time I had spent on power points in college was graphic design. Noticing the branding and the typography was marketing and branding. All the hours fawning over antiques and the strong draw to work with my hands was letterpress. So then the dream changed a little bit; it became a desire for a printing press, which had its own challenges. A breakup left me wondering about

Gutenberg. He created a quick way to create moveable metal type and print large pages at once, combined with the work of a press. This process grew with technology until it was outgrown by the digital age, and there was a short period where it was mostly forgotten until the 1990s. Still, the artisan qualities began to emerge again within the wedding and stationery industries. Choosing to buy the press was a difficult decision for me— the doubt I had of myself and the future was strong, and it was one of the larger commitments I had made in my life. It wasn’t just buying the press itself but then the act of using it, making something of it. Also, moving & storing mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

it— my press weighs 2,000 pounds and does not fit through a standard door. A dear friend, Charis Young, was my strongest support, and she really believed in me. She told me countless times how capable I was and that all things could be figured out when they needed to be.

clanky lull of the press, the smell of ink & mineral spirits draws me into this energy where I am aware of the timelessness of this skill. That I get to be a part of it, keeping it going into the future. Remembering that is worth all of the difficulty, 2,000 pounds and all.

With her help and some magical timing, I made the decision to buy the press. It was scary and exciting and huge and doable all at the same time. About 4 months after buying the press, I was able to get her working, and by the end of the year had come up with Lichen & Pines Letterpress, an artisan printing service.

This whole time the bulk of decisions have been made by me, yet countless people have helped me on this journey— from places to live and to keep my press, words of encouragement, buying of my wares. It can be overwhelming— the amount of love & grace given to me during this time of my life. Even now, as I write this, the awareness of how so many people have been there for me, for this dream, it is insurmountable. Home is also community, and while I did get to build my own studio this summer, it looks different than the original dream of a store. And while my personal physical home is still changing, the home inside myself and those around me is where I am glad to be.

All of this has been over the course of 5 years, and there have been significant ups and downs, so much doubt of myself, my purpose, what can I offer those around me? The time I was living in Bozeman had some wonderful experiences in store, and I am so grateful for everything I learned and everyone I met there. But a part of the dream was having this craft up in the Flathead. During the fall of 2019, I moved back to the Flathead with a lot of unknowns and a hope for what could be created. Coming home has been a lot of being in this physical place that calls to me so strongly and also about coming home to myself. Cliche though it may sound, working towards this dream of stationery has brought all of my strengths & weaknesses into play and allowed me to stretch in ways I never would have imagined. There have been many times of sacrifice; running a solo women-led business is not all cute photos and beautiful things, although it is a lot of it and I am certainly ok with it. Learning such an old craft, there are times when I’m working where the

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IMAGES BY KATIE WOOD | CROWHEART CREATIVE SAMI CLIFFORD | HONEYSEED PHOTOGRAPHY & FILM JACI VIGIL ALESSIA DONIGAGLIA LICHEN & PINES LETTERPRESS lichenandpinespress.com etsy.com/shop/LichenandPines @lichenandpines.letterpress

Standing at my press, each time creating something new in an old wayâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; this has become a home.

IMAGES BY KATIE WOOD | CROWHEART CREATIVE

elisheba bagrow

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LEFT TO RIGHT: MELISSA SMITH, JASMINE TAYLOR, AND HELENA LOVICK AT THEIR BILLBOARD ON SMELTER AVE IN GREAT FALLS, MONTANA. 60

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TAKING IT TO THE HOUSE Three Great Falls Women Aiming to Serve Montana

BY DAVID M. J. SASL AV

ven a century after women secured the right to vote in our country, running for political office for the first time takes courage, discipline, persistence, and an abundance of passion.

Now, add in a global pandemic— and a solid helping of gender bias to boot. “I’ve been told I’m too young, too attractive to be running for office,” says one. Another one was asked, “What’s a nice girl like you doing in politics?” This year, Montanans in Great Falls have the opportunity to vote for three upand-coming Democratic candidates— Melissa Smith, Jasmine Taylor, and Helena Lovick— for House Districts 20, 22, and 26, respectively.

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FEATURE |

If elected, the three women would join Democrats Barbara Bessette and Jasmine Krotkov (elected in 2018 to first terms of their own, representing Great Falls’ House Districts 24 and 25) in the Montana Legislature, forming the largest contingent of female legislators to represent any Montana city in its history.

health insurance proved insufficient to the cause. Smith realized that she was on the “wrong side of the table” after a City Resolution she’d worked on to conserve energy and prepare for climate change was “postponed indefinitely,” and she realized that her decades of community activism “were just not going to cut it anymore.”

All three of the first-time candidates convey very Since graduating from college, Taylor went on different paths when discussing their journeys to to work for the Department of Human Services public service. But, according to Taylor, there are as a case manager and became the President of certain similarities too. “All three of us come from the LGBTQ+ Center of Great Falls. Lovick, modest backgrounds,” she says. “And we each who serves on the Board of Great Falls Rising received outstanding Montana public educations and leads the Great Falls Community Action of such high quality that Team, has used her scientific “Hearing the words, they propelled us to these background to provide places of greater substance. data-driven research to spur That’s why all three of us ‘these workers knew what sensible legislative action. are actively advocating for Smith is a professional they were getting into quality public education for pianist and teacher who has all Montanans.” served on numerous nonwhen they took the jobs’ profit Boards for several Smith and Lovick met decades. All three share a reminded me of what one another at a gathering passion and a purpose to of Great Falls Rising, a help the most vulnerable my family experienced— so that all Montanans non-partisan organization formed by Great Falls’ can thrive. They refer to cancer wiping out our Gerry Jennings in response their political niche as the to the outcomes of the “Compassionate Middle.” entire life savings. That 2016 election. Its mission is to empower Great Falls “All three of us have been was the moment I said citizens with knowledge, community activists— for connect its subcommunities, years, we’ve all turned out to myself, ‘OK, I have to for protests for education, and foster equality, diversity, human rights, civil liberties, human rights, and more,” enter local politics.” and a sustainable future says Taylor. “The reason through respectful dialogue, I decided to run— and JASMINE TAYLOR education, and advocacy. specifically in my District— One of the recent gatherings was a bill that was going featured a group of locals who are pushing the to give presumptive health care coverage for Great Falls City Commissioners to pass a Nonpeople who were frontline workers, including Discrimination Ordinance, or NDO, to safeguard a fireman who had gotten cancer.” The House local members of the LGBTQ+ community. representative from Taylor’s district voted against Taylor heads up this group. the bill to provide medical insurance to cover their treatments. For Taylor, “hearing the words, All three now find themselves running on platforms ‘these workers knew what they were getting into that advocate for Public Education, Medicaid when they took the jobs’ reminded me of what Expansion, Public Safety, and stewardship of my family experienced— cancer wiping out our Public Lands and the Environment. entire life savings. That was the moment I said to myself, ‘OK, I have to enter local politics.’” Lovick overcame poverty to become a scientist. Taylor’s family went bankrupt trying to fund Lovick moved to Montana during the seventh cancer treatments for a sibling, when the family’s grade, graduated from CMR High School, 62

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LEFT TO RIGHT: MELISSA SMITH (HD-20), HELENA LOVICK (HD-26), AND JASMINE TAYLOR (HD-22)

and went on to earn her Bachelor’s degree in came to politics by way of community activism, Chemistry from MSU Bozeman and her Ph.D. the performing arts, and local entrepreneurial from the University of Washington. Her family endeavors. As a professional pianist, she’s delved struggled with poverty, relying at times on food deeply into Montana history, researching the way stamps and food pantries to get by. But through that Great Falls’ music halls were segregated— education, hard work, and a little good fortune, even in the days of traveling musicians like she was able to break the cycle Lionel Hampton, who was “We’re looking for ways only able to perform in of poverty. racially integrated clubs like that we can lift up an As a scientific researcher, she the former Ozark Club in now “considers all aspects Great Falls. of complex issues to find entire community and do solutions to problems. As a Connecting the dots between a better job of taking care mother and wife, I understand historical and current events, the decisions legislators Smith recently performed a of each other.” make have a real impact piece of Lionel Hampton’s on families. I hope to use at a virtual campaign event, HELENA LOVICK my education, professional, noting as she did so, “We and personal experiences have a continuing crisis of to support our community and provide more racial inequality, which leads to a great deal of opportunity. My platform is based on compassion strife. When I engage people about the Black and thoughtfulness.” Lives Matter movement, income inequality, and institutionalized racism, it quickly gets really Smith graduated from the University of Montana, overwhelming, and people start to close their mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

minds down. And when our minds close down, our hearts follow— making it even more difficult to imagine how to make a difference here. But music like Hampton’s re-opens hearts, and speaks to our shared humanity without even using words. That sparks renewed empathy and compassion. When we hear his music, we hear a bit of his soul. We feel we understand this person as a human being. And once we understand the community we share, we can begin to address the inequities and seek justice for all.” All three women have encountered significant gender bias in their campaigns, being told they were “too outspoken” and “too vocal about controversial issues.” Says Taylor, “We are all about equal rights— and even some of our allies would prefer us to be quiet. Even some of the women in Great Falls regard us as ‘bold.’ I don’t know if that is the right way to put it— but we have definitely had pushback for being so vocal. We’re just willing to say things in a really blunt manner, and some of those things aren’t typically discussed. For example, we all talk about keeping public land in public hands, but Melissa will talk about Environmentalism, which is kind of taboo in Great Falls. But Melissa is an Environmental steward.” With the covid-19 pandemic resurgence in late 2020, Lovick’s background as a scientist enables her to talk about the debate over public health measures from a more mathematical standpoint. Taylor’s human rights activism, particularly her work on the NDO with the LGBTQ+ Center, have sparked controversy amongst the more conservative elements of Great Falls. She notes, “Melissa and Helena are the only other candidates who have turned up, physically and vocally, to offer their support” around the NDO. “And, in speaking out, they have become allies.” Smith adds, “What we are all talking about are compassionate viewpoints that are very middle of the road— at least to us. It’s just that the goalposts have shifted so far to the right that we appear more progressive, more radical, when we speak out on racial equity, LGBTQ+ issues, or women’s reproductive rights.” Says Lovick, “We’re looking for ways that we can lift up an entire community and do a better job of 64

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taking care of each other. All of this is included in our mission of compassion and thoughtfulness; we are saying, ‘I see your humanity.’” In early October, the three candidates assembled at the base of a new billboard sign on Smelter Avenue, near Great Falls’ huge refinery. They pooled their campaign resources to display the sign to passing traffic for the final month before Election Day. Atop their pictures, it reads, in bold block letters, “Women belong in the House.” At the unveiling event, several supporters cheered as Taylor, Lovick, and Smith reviewed their platforms in brief “stump speech” format, further cementing their determination to bring heightened compassion to their city through legislative action. On November 3, Great Falls voters will have a chance to send all three women— outspoken, courageous, and ready to rock boats— to the Montana Legislature’s 2021 Session.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE CANDIDATES: HELENA LOVICK

Candidate, House District 26 helenalovick.com 406.788.7139 ElectHelenaLovick@gmail.com

MELISSA SMITH

Candidate, House District 20 MelissaSmith4MT.com 406.219.1114 MelissaSmith4HD20@gmail.com

JASMINE TAYLOR

Candidate, House District 22 jasmineforhd22.com jasmine@jasmineforhd22.com

| FEATURE

“Once we understand the community we share, we can begin to address the inequities and seek justice for all.”

IMAGE PROVIDED BY COTTONBRO

MELISSA SMITH

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT

you can take home for the holidays BY MINDY COCHRAN | LEVITATION NATION IMAGES BY EMILY TORCH PHOTOGRAPHY

‘Tis the season for holiday travels, which can take you away from your usual fitness routine. Fortunately, you can turn this obstacle into an opportunity to freshen up your exercise regimen…with the help of a couple of resistance bands! I love resistance bands because they are lightweight (so they pack into a suitcase beautifully), they are inexpensive (~$11/four-pack on eBay), and they enhance bodyweight exercises which can be done from the comfort of, well, anywhere! We regularly use resistance bands in our bootcamp classes at Levitation Nation (the boutique aerial fitness studio in Kalispell, Montana). I overheard my clients talking the other day about how toned they are getting thanks to the effectiveness of the bands. So, I asked them to reveal their favorite resistance band moves, and we came up with the workout below.

FULL-BODY RESISTANCE BAND WORKOUT Clamshell • Place band above your knees • Lie on your side, propped up on your elbow • Open and close the knees (like a clam) • Try to keep the pelvis stable, not rocking forward and back • Complete repetitions, then repeat on the other side This exercise is intended to strengthen the glutes and lower back, but you can also target muscles in the core by drawing your navel back to the spine.

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Boat

| WELLNESS

• While seated, place band under soles of the feet and hold onto band with both hands with knees in a tucked position • While keeping arms extended and a fist width’s distance between the chin and the chest, straighten both legs together • Return to start position Rooted in Pilates fundamentals, this exercise is great for joint mobility, flexibility, balance, and body awareness.

Jumping Jack • While standing with feet underneath the shoulders (athletic stance), place band around wrists with palms facing inward • With shoulder blades engaged, jack the feet and arms out together • Return to start position and repeat 15-20 times Another great cardio exercise with the bands (not shown) is a “floor jack,” which is done by placing the bands around the knees, setting up a high plank, and jacking the feet in and out.

Bicep Curl • Kneel on one leg, while the other leg is forward in a lunge • Place band under front foot while holding with the band with the hand on the same side • Perform the bicep curl by bending your elbow and bringing your fist toward your shoulder • Return to start position • Complete repetitions, then repeat on other side To get extra bang for your buck with any bicep curls, focus on keeping your bicep engaged even on the eccentric part of the movement (i.e. when returning the band to the start position).

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Standing Hip Extension • Place band around ankles • With the core tight and glutes and hamstrings engaged, stand on one leg with a slight bend in the standing leg • Extend the other leg (while keeping it straight) behind you • Return to start position • Complete repetitions, then repeat on the other side The challenge for this exercise is to keep hips square to the floor throughout the extension.

Quadruped Hip Extension • While on all fours, place band around the right ankle and under the sole of the left foot • With the core engaged and while keeping hips square to the floor, push the sole of the left foot toward the ceiling • Return to start position • Complete repetitions, then repeat on the other side By keeping your core engaged, you can turn this major booty builder and low back strengthener into a core builder too.

Plank to Bear Stance Row • Loop band around thumbs on both hands while in a plank position • With the core engaged, bend knees to 90 degrees while rowing the elbow up toward the ceiling. • Return to start position • Complete repetitions, then repeat on the other side This exercise is trickier than it looks! I recommend trying it the first time without the band at all. You can stabilize by keeping your feet a little wider than hip-width apart. Try to keep centered and not let your weight shift too much from side to side.

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Glute Bridge • Place band above your knees and lie on the matt facing up (supine) • Lift the tailbone off the floor one vertebra at a time while pulling the navel down toward the spine • Return to start position You can progress this exercise to a one-legged bridge (knees stay together while straightening one leg). Pay attention to keeping the hips level in this more advanced variation.

Single-Leg Deadlift • While standing, place band under one foot while also holding the band with both hands • Bend forward at the hips to release tension on the band, while bringing your free leg up behind you • Similar to the prone hip extension, do this movement with the core tight and glutes and hamstrings engaged and try to keep hips square to the floor throughout the movement • Return to start position • Complete repetitions, then repeat on the other side I love this exercise because it strengthens more than just the booty— it also challenges balance! Balance exercises are especially important for the aging population but are good at any time, any age.

Squat to Standing Single Leg Abduction • Place band above around ankles • With feet a little wider than hip-width apart, squat down while trying to keep the weight in the heels and the entire outside of both feet activated • As you stand up out of the squat, abduct one foot out to the side while keeping the abducted leg straight and the core tight • Return to squat position. • Complete repetitions, then repeat on other side To protect the knees, stay away from deep knee bends (no deeper than a 90-degree angle, as shown). mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

LEFT TO RIGHT: CATHERINE MURRAY, MARISA DAVEY, MINDY COCHRAN, HANNAH CADICAMO, STAR IRONSIDE

Whether you are headed home for the holidays or on another adventure, the next time you travel, take this article and your resistance bands with you. I recommend doing 15 repetitions of each exercise, then repeat the entire circuit up to three times! Enjoy!

MINDY COCHRAN is the founder of Kalispell’s Levitation Nation Aerial

Studio, where the catchphrase “fitness is fun” is embodied alongside a culture of movement & women empowerment. Mindy believes that “The Real Levitation Experience” lies within elevating your health & wellness. Mindy loves to share the expertise she has acquired through her certifications as a personal trainer and life coach. For more about Mindy or Levitation Nation, please visit www. levitationnation.org.

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IMAGES BY EMILY TORCH PHOTOGRAPHY

A note from the author about the photos: These photos were taken in June 2020 by my dear friend Emily Mohler, who was a photographer for Kalispell’s aerial studio, Levitation Nation. Tragically, on June 30th, 2020, Emily, her 3-year-old daughter Piper, and her friend Cody Nevins were attacked by her abusive ex-husband and murdered at their home in Olney, Montana. When I heard about what happened, I was utterly stunned and wrought with grief alongside everyone else who knew Emily, Piper, or Cody. The photos were literally the last thing on my mind. As word spread, there were many tears amongst Levitation Nation instructors and clientele. We all understood we would never receive these photos and never would have dreamed of seeking them out from Emily’s family, whose grief is greater than our own. However, a few weeks later, a friend of Emily’s reached out to say she had been working on the photos from his computer. He had them and he wanted to get them to us. We still wanted to use the photos in the magazine as intended because Emily deserves to have her photos published. This is the fourth time her photos have appeared in Montana Woman Magazine. We publish these now with a heavy heart. The following pages are a tribute to Emily. Thank you to Montana Woman Magazine for ramping up domestic violence awareness in her honor.

IMAGE BY ANNA SHVETS

—Mindy Cochran

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FEATURE |

in loving memory of

Emily Mohler

IMAGE BY KAMIL

BY MINDY COCHRAN

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CONTENT WARNING: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

It is challenging for me to know where to begin this heartbreaking story. As a fitness columnist for Montana Woman Magazine, my articles usually revolve merely around health and wellness, which is expertise I have acquired as a personal trainer and the owner of a women’s aerial and pole fitness studio. Given that I have often referred to my studio as a place of sisterhood and female empowerment, I am still in disbelief of the tragedy that befell one of our very own “sisters.” Yet, my disbelief helps me recognize the importance of telling Emily’s story. It can happen to anyone, and if her story helps one other woman struggling with domestic abuse, that is the only good that can come of this now. I first met Emily Mohler in 2011 at a memorable event known as “Bass Boat,” which was a high vibe dance party with incredible electronic bass music on a two-story boat. Almost a decade later, I still remember the trilby hat she wore that night with purple feathers in the brim that matched her purple feather earrings. Emily a skier, and myself a snowboarder, we connected instantly & deeply over our love of winter sports. Emily seemed to know everyone, and she spent the evening sharing hugs, dancing, and taking photos on her camera. Her pictures that would surface after the party were a fun sight to see: the huge smiles of the partygoers captured for eternity. I would run into Emily occasionally over the next few years. She always had a vivacious smile to go with her free-spirited style and was always scheming on her next artistic project. In 2014, when I needed a photographer for a pole photoshoot, Emily was my first phone call. Emily would marry Kameron Barge a few months later. I tried to hire Emily again for a photoshoot in 2015, but something had “come up for her” the day of the photoshoot. To be honest, I thought her excuse at the time was weak, and I was disappointed she bailed last-minute on her commitment to us. It wasn’t until three years later (August 2018) that Emily told me that Kameron had beaten her badly the night before the photoshoot. She was currently working her way out of the abusive relationship, and she was ready to thrive. She was looking for opportunities for strength and growth in her life and was

interested in starting aerial classes. I wanted to help. I offered to do a trade with her: a studio membership for photography services. We were both stoked about the arrangement. In the two years that followed, Emily took thousands of photos for us. She captured Levitation Nation at photoshoots, classes, fundraisers, and live performances. In May 2019, we collaborated on a special photoshoot for our studio’s students in Whitefish’s “glass tower.” I encouraged her to take a role as a model while I played photographer. My absolute favorite photo from that day was when she accidentally caught the silk in her toes as she went up for a picture. I knew it was a beautiful sight, however I wasn’t sure if I had captured it because her camera had died at that exact moment. We were later delighted to find the photo on her memory card with the silk dangling from her digits. She posted the photo there with her new hashtags: #aerialsilks, #41isthenew21, and #nevertoolate. Emily continued to follow through with photos for us even when her life was in turmoil. In August 2019, Kameron was violent with her, and this time, she responded by filing for a divorce and a restraining order. To spite her, Kameron stole the camper she and her daughters were living in. He took their clothes, their bedding, Emily’s jewelry inventory and tools she needed as a metalsmith, and her camera equipment. He literally left them with the clothes on their back, but (according to Emily), the Sheriff didn’t technically consider anything stolen since the camper was still in both of their names. All of this went on a couple of days before a photoshoot we had scheduled with Emily at the rose garden in Woodland Park, Kalispell. Even with the calamity she was enduring, she still came through at the photoshoot for us, borrowing a camera from a friend instead to make it happen. In November 2019, still in peril from her abuser, Emily didn’t make it to our fall student showcase, which meant our performers didn’t get photos I had promised them. Emily apologized profusely for missing the showcase and made it known to myself and another instructor at the studio she wanted not only to be at the next student showcase mon tan awoman .com | no v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

EMILY MOHLER PHOTOGRAPHED BY MINDY COCHRAN

as a photographer; she wanted to perform at it— a piece for domestic violence awareness— and asked for our help with the choreography. As far as I could tell at the time, that incident appeared to be the last push for Emily; she seemed to have a new lease on life. Granted, I didn’t see her much after she injured her hand skiing in March 2020, since she needed time to heal before coming back to aerial classes. So, I didn’t hear about the May 2020 incident when Kameron assaulted her in front of their two children until after her death. Purportedly, Kameron had thrown her to the ground and twisted her hoodie around her neck and told her he was going to murder her this summer. Tragically, the morning before their divorce was to be finalized, Kameron followed through on his threat. Early in the morning of Tuesday, June 74

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30th, Kameron violently attacked Emily in her home, stabbing her, her three-year-old daughter, and her friend Cody Nevins to death. Kameron was found about a half-mile away, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Stunned and wrought with grief by this senseless act, the communities in Flathead County, Montana rallied to find ways to honor Emily, Piper, and Cody. GoFundMe accounts set up for Emily and Cody’s surviving children raised $90,000 in what seemed like the blink of an eye, followed by an Instagram auction that raised an additional $18,000. There was a meal train set up for her parents. Our studio’s aerial performers vowed to choreograph the piece for domestic violence awareness she will never get the opportunity to perform. With Montana Woman Magazine’s support, I am taking up the torch of domestic violence awareness in her honor, and I

vowed to triple our annual donation to Kalispell’s domestic violence shelter, The Abbie Shelter. And yet, somehow, it is not enough. We failed Emily. I failed Emily. I am sure you have heard stories like this before. I had too, but I thought Emily had made it out of her abusive home and was living happily, but I know now that there is no way to anticipate what a domestic abuser is capable of. What can we do to help prevent this from happening again? Emily’s mom told me they want to see some changes to the laws surrounding domestic violence, such as getting GPS tracking devices for those involved in restraining orders, and I hope those changes come. In the meantime, we need to educate ourselves on behaviors that raise concern. Since emotional abuse often precedes physical abuse, red flags include a partner who is manipulative, quick to anger, mean or degrading, or tries to isolate you from friends and family. It is important to take things slowly in new relationships, so if you see red flags, it will be easier to either get your partner counseling (an option only if abuse is not physical) or get yourself

On June 30th of 2020, Emily Lynn Mohler, her lovely 3-year-old daughter, Piper Jocelyn Barge, and a dear friend, Cody Nevins, left this earthly realm in a tragic incident of domestic violence. Emily is survived by her loving parents, five surviving children, three brothers, as well many, many other friends and family. Emily was born on Dec. 6, 1977, in Kalispell to Tom and Jan. Her older brother Josh was excited to have a sister in addition to two more brothers, Isaac and Sam, who arrived later on. At a young age she was very interested in horses and the outdoors. The latter being an indicator of the major influences throughout the rest of her life. She attended Bigfork High School, graduating in 1996. Always the athlete, she competed at the varsity level in nearly everything a small high school had to offer. After graduation, she moved on to study photography, jewelry and goldsmithing at Flathead Valley Community College. She was an avid photographer who shot professionally in the area for nearly 20 years. For the past several years, she was a ski guide and photographer for Great Northern Powder Guides. In addition to her photography, she was a talented artist who created stunning jewelry found at many Montana artisan fairs.

out. We must be proactive in empowering our daughters, sisters, and friends by teaching them the red flags as well. If you or someone you know is already in an abusive relationship, reach out to trusted family or friends and utilize the domestic violence hotlines (National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233; Kalispell MT’s Abbie Shelter Violence Free Crisis Hotline 1-406-752-7273). Emily’s time as Levitation Nation’s photographer meant I got to spend a lot of time with her at many fun events. From banquet dinners, rallies, dance parties, and even this past years’ New Year’s Eve, I was grateful for the special times we had together and blessed to have gotten to know her so well. Emily’s beautiful, free-spirited energy touched my life and my heart. Her untimely death serves as a catalyst to expand the work we do empowering women at Levitation Nation. Once revolving around building friendships and self-confidence in the studio, empowering our sisters will now and forever also include domestic violence awareness. In this way, we will ensure that Emily’s honor is memorialized. She will be missed greatly.

Emily’s love of the outdoors permeated her very existence. She lived the life of the liberated, non-traditional mother, free from the constraints of others’ opinions. Whether hanging by the lake with her lovely children, skiing in the Montana backcountry or dancing to an indie band in Whitefish, she always brought her extraordinary energy and free spirit. Not one to sit back and watch, she dove headlong into every moment, every adventure, every inclination of her heart; she moved in rare air. This tragedy of domestic violence also claimed the life of her youngest daughter, 3-year-old Piper. All of Emily’s children were the love of her life. Little Piper, the youngest, was an absolute beam of sunlight. Piper’s life was stolen before it had hardly begun. The number of those affected by this tragic event is large; Emily’s sphere of influence was vast. This event painfully lingers with no end in sight. What will shine forever brighter, are the memories of our beloved sister and her little girl. She moves through all of us, her blue eyes radiating behind her eager smile.

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a survivor’s story BY MARTHA A.

never thought I would be a domestic violence survivor. It is not what you dream of when you walk down the aisle. It is not what you put on your registry, either. For many survivors, the stories are varied but contain nuances that are very eerily similar. As I began to heal, work on education about abuse, and mentor others in the end, I would hear similar wording, quotes from their abusers, that could have been my story. I was 18 when I married my husband. My life was about to begin. Instead, the abuse began the day we got married. I didn’t know it then, but it started before we got married. I didn’t know, in my semi-sheltered life, that marital rape was something that happened until it was happening to me. Even then, I excused it. I blamed myself. “It must be the culture, the language barrier, or that I was not educated on sex well enough.” I researched, searching for the answers to make myself a better wife. Forbidden to use birth control, lacking access to medical care, isolated without a working phone, and often without a car became the norm for me. I coped. I sought education whenever I could find it, but I was given info that restricted me from reading books as well. Once a week, I had access for a brief amount of time to the internet, and I felt like a new world opened up, but still, I was careful with whom I talked to, what I read, and how I spoke. When my husband’s mental health declined with every child that was born, I was confronted by the truth, but still blamed the abuse on his mental health. When he got medication and monitoring for it, things did get better for a time. I didn’t live in fear of being murdered every day anymore. I didn’t have to explain why I was

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reading something. But I still had to account for how I dressed, when I shook a stranger’s hand, and why I allowed my cousin to place his hands on my shoulders. Abuse takes many forms. It is not always black eyes, although that was certainly a form of it. I was well known in the community, I had many friends, a supportive family, and yet, many of them were helpless to help me as well. I struggled to admit it was happening, because on some level, I felt I had failed. I had failed in my belief system, my children, and the community. Most of all, I felt shame myself for allowing it to happen. I am a strong person. I fight for the weak, the oppressed, and don’t allow others to get away with wrongdoing. I felt that if it were abuse, I would have been able to stand up for myself. It took one final night where I thought I was going to die at his hand. He didn’t leave a mark on me, although he could have, but I just knew. I took a stand and attended a support group for those who were in domestic violence situations that week. I began to start seeing the abuse in a way I never thought possible, set boundaries, and ultimately get free. It took me almost two years from that date, though, to finalize it legally. It was not an easy decision to do that. I didn’t leave because I wanted my marriage to fail. In the end, I signed the death certificate on our marriage after having pretended it was alive for 20+ years. I didn’t kill it, but the abuse did that. I am so grateful for the local resources in the Flathead Valley like The Abbie Shelter and The Refuge at Faith Covenant Church that give survivors help in this journey. If you find yourself in a similar position as I did, don’t wait to seek help. It will not be easy, but there is help for you.

IMAGE BY EVIE SHAFFER

CONTENT WARNING: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

the

Leave No Trace

â&#x201E;˘

Seven Principles

1. Plan ahead and prepare 2. Travel & camp on durable surfaces 3. Dispose of waste properly 4. Leave what you find 5. Minimize campfire impacts 6. Respect wildlife 7. Be considerate of other visitors IMAGE BY JAMIE PILGRIM

ÂŠ 1999 by the Leave No Trace Center for Outdoor Ethics: www.LNT.org.

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I am Home

A 10 Year Journey after a Sexual Assault BY KELSEY MERRITT

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IMAGE BY CLOÃ&#x2030; FONTAINE

LIFE |

CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT

few months ago, I was walking across my wedding reception venue, carrying a pair of pliers and a string of wire to pull Christmas lights tight across the front of the stage. Music was playing in the background while my younger sister (and Maid of Honor Extraordinaire) arranged table settings. Yes, I was getting married in the midst of a global pandemic. There was a basket of masks and jugs of hand sanitizer by the entrance and guests were cancelling rapidly. But, I wasn’t thinking about those things as I walked across the room. I wasn’t thinking about the flower arrangements I needed to pick up for centerpieces or the call I needed to make to confirm times with the pastor later. Instead, I was walking across my wedding reception venue, thinking, “It’s been ten years. I didn’t think I’d make it.” One decade. 3,652 days from 2010 to 2020. That’s 5.2 million minutes of me learning to heal after my sexual assault. I was 17 when I was sexually assaulted. As time goes on, I remember more and more details from the assault and the days around it, though you would think the opposite. I would normally forget more details surrounding a moment as I grow older and more distanced from it. But, not this trauma. My PTSD blocked out the memories. I didn’t dream for several years after the assault. I also didn’t tell anyone. It was months and months after that I told a friend. It was four years until I told family. On the exterior, I appeared tough and successful. I attended college at the University of Portland, moving far away from my hometown in the attempts to move away from my assault. When that didn’t work, I moved abroad to Salzburg, Austria, to study for a year. I threw myself into my school work because I didn’t know what else to do with my time or energy. If I sat still long enough, I began to think about it. If I wasn’t stressing about school lying in bed at night, I was crippled by self-doubt and thoughts like, “I’ll never find anyone that’s going to be willing to put up with me.” Because I truly felt I was somehow “broken” or “less than” because of my sexual assault. A narrative too many survivors find themselves repeating.

During my year in Austria, I traveled extensively by myself. I would sometimes join groups of friends for weekend trips, but more often than not, I would find excuses to be alone, because I felt best when I didn’t have to put on a show for the people around me. The show wasn’t anything more than smiling and pretending I was doing well and having fun, but it was exhausting. The truth was that I was suffering immensely from depression, anxiety, and PTSD, but I didn’t have the words or resources to verbalize those illnesses. It was on a solo trip when I attended a concert by myself in Munich, Germany, that I realized how consumed I was by my loneliness. The people around me at the concert were with their friends, laughing, drinking, enjoying themselves, and I was standing alone, lost in a sea of strangers speaking a foreign and still unfamiliar language. I decided then that I needed to change something, because running wasn’t working. I had run halfway around the world, but the loneliness had caught up to me still. And if I couldn’t outrun it, I decided I needed to face it. And that meant going home to Montana, to where the assault had happened. It was that Christmas at home in Kinsey, Montana that I began to research transferring to Montana State University in Bozeman. I was unhappy in my literature focus and wanted to change to English with a writing focus, and craved a creative outlet. Both the English and Photography programs at MSU were noteworthy. So, I applied to attend both programs and began telling my University of Portland friends I was leaving. I was tired of feeling lonely and far from home, so I chose a place I could drive home for the weekends. I transferred to MSU as a junior, having moved every year since graduating from high school. I was tired. And I had buried the healing I needed to do, rather than begin the journey into it. I moved in with a friend of mine from high school (the same one I told about the assault months after it happened) and a girl I had never met who would later become my best friend. I made a promise to myself that I would be open about my sexual assault and started attending talk therapy and asked to see a doctor about antidepressants. In my photo program, I created artwork about mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

my sexual assault. In my English program, I wrote about it. I talked about it openly with my roommates and decided to tell my parents later that year. In giving voice to my experience, I found healing. My experience is not like anyone else’s. RAINN reports that 1 in 6 American women will experience sexual violence in her lifetime. You may be surprised to know that 1 out of every 10 rape survivors is male. Sexual violence is experienced by too many of us. It’s important to know that no two experiences are the same, and that there is no “right way” to heal from a sexual assault. In my own experience, I found that exploring my experience through art, writing, and open communication was healing. I found that in being open, others opened up about their experiences, too. I was nowhere near as alone as I had felt before. Instead, I found myself surrounded by a community willing to listen and excited to share about their own experiences in an act of community.

Amidst the chaos of the process, I was learning more about who I was as a woman and who I was as an individual. I decided to attend grad school, which would be one of the hardest experiences of my life. But, I became more confident in myself. I learned to set boundaries. I continued to make art and write, as well as teach and provide an open space for my students to discuss their own processes of healing. But, frankly, I was lonely for someone to share my life with. In May of 2018, I met my husband. He was healing from his previous marriage, a single dad who was left to figure out parenting alone after his wife left him and his 2-year-old son. He was open, honest, and vulnerable. He was caring, he listened well, and he made me laugh. I fell in love quickly and completely, sending my family reeling when we moved in together just months after meeting. I always resisted the cliché romantic ideas.

IMAGE BY EBERHARD GROSSGASTEIGER

I didn’t date for 6 years after my assault. I couldn’t stand to be physically close to someone, let alone allow myself to open up emotionally to be vulnerable with someone. At the end of my undergraduate career, I finally dated someone. But, he wasn’t ready for a relationship like I was, and my heart was broken soon after. It took me a long time to heal emotionally from that experience. I think it was the first time I experienced love in its honest form, but it was also the first time I was openly vulnerable with

someone after my assault. I dated off and on after that relationship, but nothing ever felt right. During that time, I learned I was also Bipolar II and began medication that would change my life positively, though nothing about the process was easy. That was something I was learning over and over again: that these healing processes were not easy. But, more often than not, they were very necessary.

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You’ll just know if they are the one. Things will just click and boom! There you are! But, as much as I resisted the cliché’s, I did know quickly that he was the one. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was ready to commit myself to this man and his son, and learn to become a partner and a mother all in one giant, messy, complicated package. After a year, we were engaged. A year and a summer after that, we were here: preparing our wedding venue, getting ready to be married. I was a decade older. 10 years wiser. And somehow, 10 years removed from the trauma that had influenced so many of my decisions in my late teens and early twenties. I stopped running and began the hard work: healing. I learned the hard way that I had neglected my mental health, rather than embrace it. 1 in 5 American adults live with a diagnosable mental illness in a given year (NAMI). I think of this statistic when I’m feeling lost or alone. I think of how many others feel lost and alone amid their healing processes from sexual assault, mental health, and countless other traumas. “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Too often, we are caught up in our own battles, or too busy ignoring our battles to look up and see the ones waging around us. Especially this year, amidst the 2020 dumpster fire of global pandemics, lost jobs, flailing economies, and vicious elections, we are all hurting in some capacity or another. But, we often fail to give validity to how hard our own battles are.

When I sit at night with my husband and son, with our two dogs somewhere around us, I think about how far I’ve come in the last ten years, and give note to the fact that it was damn hard. There was nothing easy about my experiences or what I went through. And I can guarantee that the battles you are facing are hard, too. There will always be someone else whose load seems heavier or path seems more treacherous, but that doesn’t devalue the hardships you are facing. Our battles are hard, but we contain multitudes. I spent so many moments of the last ten years lost at sea, away from being at home with myself. I allowed myself to turn away from my hurt in an attempt to protect myself. At the time, that’s what I needed. But, now, I know what I need more than anything is to trust myself and my experiences that have made me into the strong, kind, and determined woman I am now. I had to run away from home and get lost in order to find my way back home— and back to myself. I had to learn to lean on my friends, family, and resources around me when I needed to. I’m still scared of things and I still hurt now and then, but ultimately, I am home at and with myself. Wherever I am, I am home. This is home. KELSEY MERRITT lives in Belgrade with her husband and son, where they play scoop ball frequently and yell at their dogs for eating the lawn. She is a photography instructor at MSU and is learning to be kind to herself as a mother.

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fat floats BY SARAH HARDING

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Ladies, raise your hand If you’ve ever been thrown— Upon seeing a photograph of your body— Overboard. Hucked off a ship named Feeling Happy Into the sea named Ashamed. If you raised your hand, Be careful not to let your Underarm jiggle. This, I am told, is Disgusting. No matter your age. You can show up to your wedding ceremony drunk, Or even hungover. That’s okay! But don’t show up fat. This, I am told, is Unacceptable. Even if you are happy. What did you whisper to yourself ? As you floated there Waiting for the sea to dry up Is the rubber dingy That came to fish you out Named Booze Retail Distraction Food? Women and Children first As we swing over the side Poised to fling Our aging, flabby, spotty, sagging Generous Bodies Into the sea. In the wisdom of sleep I dreamed My last moments in this body I walked a tropical seafloor Looked up into the sun sparkling Through the warm water And breathed Not air, But the mineral seawater named Radical Self Acceptance.

| LIFE

this is My MONtaNa BY MORGAN GEMAY MARKS

m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 9

IMAGE BY EDUARDO GORGHETTO

LIFE |

remember leaving. It was like ripping a band-aid off a wound that had begun to heal, but when the wound was exposed to the winter air, it stung like hell. I told myself I wasn’t running away but rather that I was running towards something. I did that many times over, for a different reason each time. One time, I ran away from a relationship that had gone sour, and after too much time spent hoping and waiting, he and I had turned downright rotten as “us” from the inside out, like an apple that just can’t squeeze out that fat worm that’s eating it whole, one bite at a time. Another time, I ran from another relationship that always felt like there was a tiny pebble in my shoe, and I couldn’t quite figure out what the pebble was. So, instead of staying, I distanced myself in a grand way— I went to a different continent. Each time I knew the choice to run would grow me. Every shiny and new experience I chose instead of staying did fulfill that goal. I grew, and I learned, and I feel that I really lived. From living abroad multiple times, to going back to school multiple times, to learning what a new definition of home meant when my feet dug into new ground for only a moment. Yet, being from the east coast, used to a fast-paced life and lack of connection between people, nothing compared to the feeling when I first crossed the border into Montana.

Looking back, I often wish that I would have arrived sooner than I did. I wish I could have called Montana home many years ago. Maybe I wasn’t ready, and maybe I was too scared to set down roots— sure, maybe— but I think it was really this simple reason: I knew all along that Montana wasn’t going anywhere. I knew this place and the people that I had come to know and love— they would welcome me back when I was ready to stay. I think, if I’m honest, I really tested that faith at times. The act of staying is a choice. Home is also a choice. Recently, I decided that I get to claim my home and where my heart is. I decided that I am allowed to choose it now. It’s here, in Montana, because it’s where I’ll stay for a good long while. I’ll build myself back up from this ground, the same ground I’ve loved for more than two decades since I first arrived. It’s the same place I’ve come back to many times over.

I knew this place and the people that I had come to know and love— they would welcome me back when I was ready to stay.

Vast. Expansive. Mountainous. Flowing. Connectedness. I knew when I was 10 years old that the west was home, although back then, I romanticized the place— the fields of sunflowers, the wide open spaces, the feeling of freedom I remember feeling bearing witness to a rainstorm miles away from where I stood. I know now that freedom always has a price. It must be fought for, tried for, sacrificed for, and ultimately, it must be chosen. Home is freedom, and this idea of home, that is my personal idea of home, can also be chosen, over and over again.

Some people lose themselves when they’re trying to expand, I think, and with so much literal and physical movement, I believe I am a product and outcome of my choices to seek freedom through movement instead of staying in a place and becoming part of a place and part of a community. Some people find themselves through traveling, and others take a longer way to get home. I’m the longer way kind. The type that must touch fire to know it burns and then keep touching it to know it’s true and unchanging— always hot. Too much of a good thing can be damaging, and I know that now. As a young girl, I used to be more fearful of things, and yet I was always curious. Ever so slowly, I started branching out, like a seed does when it receives plenty of water from the rains and plenty of sunlight from the sky. I grew into a new version of the young girl who knew fear. I became an older version of her, and in one fell swoop, with the first physical move of many, I broke her. I embraced that inherent fear and allowed it to change me, and it did, over and over again, until I mon tan awoman .com |n o v e mbe r/dec emb er 2 02 0

realized that massive movements between places were no longer serving me. The lust for travel and new places wore off, and I realized my dreams had never changed. I stopped fighting the thing I wanted the most. I stopped fighting myself. In a time when everything feels and seems uncertain, I hold these lessons dear. Every move I’ve made has cost me people and a sense of place. It’s a strange dichotomy. While there is sadness in those losses, there is also great joy in each experience as well, even after all I know now about why I chose flight. The choices, altogether, each led me back to being right here, back to living this good life in Montana, and back to the place that has always been home for me. I believe we all know such places. I think sometimes, maybe we need to be reminded that it’s alright to stay, and it’s also alright to go. I trust

that we’ll all make our way home, eventually, even if we take the longer way. MORGAN GEMAY MARKS is a poet, writer, angler, hunter, side hustle consultant (copywriting, social media, editing, greeting card creator), nonprofit worker, and Montana transplant, currently living in Helena. She grew up in Pennsylvania and, thanks to an AmeriCorps program, moved to Montana to serve on a trail crew in 2008. Montana has been home ever since, with the exception of a few stints living abroad in Australia when she served as a Rotary International Peace Fellow studying conflict and peace, and Zambia when she served with the United States Peace Corps. Localized peacebuilding work and writing human interest stories that allow for connection between people are passions of hers. Find her poetry and art on Instagram at @ morgan_gemay_marks_writer and connect with her via her website at morgangemaymarks.com

a ceremony as unique as your love.

sarah harding humanist celebrant coconutatsea.com part of the elopemontana.com collaboration IMAGE BY LINDSEY JANE

m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 9

IMAGE BY MICHAEL FOSTER

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THE ONES WHO LOVE US

BY BARBARA FRASER

m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 9

Monday was the 4th Anniversary of Danny’s Death. I decided I would celebrate the love that remains to this day, and the life that I have left to live as joyfully as possible. The morning was strong, filled with happy contentment— and then sadness came out of nowhere and actually surprised me with its intensity; I had thought I had a plan. I concluded that I will still have these moments no matter how many years have passed, and that the time between them is irrelevant and a small price to pay for a fabulous love affair. But it didn’t last long, and thanks to my daughter in law, and using humor like rocks across a stream, I reached the other side. I made his favorite dinner and buggered the mashed potatoes with too much butter (which weren’t even supposed to be mashed— this is why he was a better cook!). Then I discovered that the chocolate cake mix (which was all I was up to) wasn’t even in the bag! My final recourse was to watch a movie that reminded me of him and call it good enough. He would have fixed everything and then taken me to bed! I sometimes am amazed that I’ve made it this far with so much of myself intact. I may not be barreling towards where I am supposed to be next, but it’s been a challenging year, and I have found my way as best as I can. The pain does soften, the loneliness recedes in quiet ways, and the wisdom and confidence rise to the top. I know who I am more than I ever have before. There is a difference from when Danny was by my side, and I’m learning to embrace that too. As I look forward to my next fresh start, I am confident he is still with me. My heart hurts for all of you who are newer to this journey of widowhood, but as you share your stories, I gain insight that shows my progress and allows me to offer support; I can never thank you enough. It doesn’t get easier; we get stronger and wiser. And those we love and miss never doubt us.

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Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home

IMAGE BY THOMAS DUMORTIER

Edith Sitwell

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LIFE |

present moment,

BY NICOLE DUNN

m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 9

IMAGE BY HATHAM

wonderful moment

A few months ago, I penned this poem: Close to Home Stay close to home. Yes, your actual dwelling place where you lay head to pillow each night but also your true home, the place you carry with you wherever you go. Stay closer than you think might be possible. And when at long last you reach that spot of intimate communion, linger here a while. Breathe from the depths of your own Grand Canyon. Then, with a soft and gentle shutter, draw still closer in. ... When I think of what it means to come home, a few things come to mind. I think of the humble abode I share with my husband Mike. I think of the town of Missoula where I live: my home town. I think of the amazing state of Montana that I am surrounded by: my home state. I think of the place of my birth and raising on the East Coast in the suburbs of Philly. But I also think of what Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh refers to as our true home: the state of being fully present and alive in the here and now. My true home is a place free of worries about the future or regrets about the past. My true home is a place of refuge from the maelstrom of how I think life should be and rests upon the foundation of how life is. My true home is not dependent on being in a certain place or being around certain

people in order to feel grounded, connected, and content. My true home is a place I carry with me wherever I go. It’s a place of ease in the present moment; a place of harmony between my breath, body, and outer surroundings. In the bigger landscape of life, when I think about coming home, I think about coming home to myself. Coming back to my in-breath and out-breath. Coming back to what’s happening in the very here and now. When I allow myself to get swept up in the land of politics or find myself getting overwhelmed by the news, I know I can make the choice to stop what I’m doing and return back home to myself. To breathe in and be aware of my in-breath. To breathe out and be aware of my out-breath. To smile to my in-breath. To smile to my out-breath. To devote my full attention to the sensations of my breath and body, which enables me to come back home to myself, where I can rest, recharge, and restore my energy. A simple exercise (notice I didn’t say it was easy!): Breathing in, I know I am breathing in Breathing out, I know I am breathing out Breathing in, I feel my lungs expanding Breathing out, I feel my lungs contracting Breathing in, I smile to my in-breath Breathing out, I smile to my out-breath Breathing in, I return home to myself in the here and now Breathing out, I return home to myself in the here and now Breathing in, I dwell in the present moment Breathing out, I know that this is a wonderful moment

NICOLE DUNN is a Missoula-based writer, spoken word artist, poet,

community organizer, mindfulness instructor, ordained member of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s Order of Interbeing, and program director of Be Here Now, a weekly mindfulness & meditation group she founded in 2002. For more info: InMindfulMotion.com

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FEATURE |

THIS COULD BE YOU!

backcountry weddings for the WILDLY in love

For soon-to-be-married couples who feel constrained by the trappings of a traditional wedding, an adventure elopement is the next best thing you never knew existed. From sunrise mountain top summits and helicopter rides on glaciers to casual strolls through the woods and chill days on the lake, we’ll work together to craft a wedding day that truly speaks to your soul and incorporates what you love most — the outdoors and each other.

YOU LIKE TO THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX … WHY SHOULD YOUR WEDDING DAY BE ANY DIFFERENT?

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Reducing Risk with Healthy Choices MAGGIE NELSON PROVIDED BY KALISPELL REGIONAL HEALTHCARE

“Research shows that people who adhere to healthy lifestyle measures have a reduced risk of developing certain cancers. These measures include regular exercise, adhering to a healthy, well-balanced diet, minimizing or avoiding alcohol intake, and maintaining a healthy weight,” Murray explains. According to Murray, moderately intense exercise for at least 150 minutes per week is recommended in order to reduce cancer risk. Many health experts suggest those minutes can be broken down throughout the week. The accumulation of that time is still beneficial. When asked why, Murray explains, “The thought here is that exercise influences the levels of your body’s hormones in a way that diminishes the risk of developing certain cancers. More specifically, exercise affects levels of our sex hormones and insulin, helps with weight control, and boosts our immunity (which has a role in our body’s cancer surveillance). Additionally, there is extensive data showing a correlation between obesity and sedentary lifestyle with increased cancer risk.” 96

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Exercise should be accompanied by a healthy diet. “Unfortunately, no diet or specific food can prevent cancer. However, research shows a varied diet of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, beans/ legumes, and other plant foods can reduce the risk for many cancers. The goal is to consume a variety of vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients, and antioxidants from whole food sources,” Conrow states. And while some whole foods can decrease your risk of cancer, other processed foods can increase that risk. “Processed and sugary foods are often low in nutrients and fiber and often lead to increased blood glucose levels. Higher levels of blood glucose and insulin can contribute to inflammation in the body, which over time may lead to the growth of abnormal cells, possibly increasing your risk of cancer,” Conrow explains. She describes processed food as anything that has been canned, cooked, frozen, packaged, or altered in nutrition composition. However, according to Conrow, the convenience of having healthy frozen fruit for a morning smoothie or canned tomatoes for spaghetti can be very beneficial. Healthy options amongst processed foods include: • MINIMALLY PROCESSED FOODS (cut fruits or roasted nuts)

GETTY IMAGES VIA KALISPELL REGIONAL

ancer touches the lives of many people. Dawn Murray, NP, and Kelsey Conrow, Clinical Dietitian from Kalispell Regional Healthcare, discuss how personal lifestyle choices affect one’s risk of developing cancer.

| WELLNESS

• FOODS CANNED OR FROZEN AT PEAK FRESHNESS (frozen vegetables or canned salmon) • FOODS WITH ADDITIVES (salad dressing, yogurts) • FORTIFIED FOODS (milk fortified with vitamin D, or cereal fortified with iron or fiber) Conrow offers this advice. “If you are new to adding fruits and vegetables into your diet, try incorporating them into foods you already eat. Don’t be afraid to use frozen fruits and vegetables!

Try subbing enriched grains for whole grains and processed meats for lean meats.” Murray advises anyone with cancer concerns to see their primary care provider, take advantage of their annual wellness visits, and participate in age and gender appropriate cancer screenings per established guidelines. Most importantly, Murray warns never to ignore any symptoms that are persistent and/or unexplained. For more information, visit krh.org/krmc/ services/cancer-care.

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m o nt a n a w o ma n ma g a zi ne | is s ue 9

MIDDLE FORK OF THE FLATHEAD RIVER, GLACIER NATIONAL PARK AMSKAPI PIIKUNI, KOOTENAI, SELIS, & QLISPE LANDS | MEGAN CRAWFORD

Montana Woman Issue No. 9, November/December 2020

Articles inside

Letter from the Editor

In Loving Memory of Emily Mohler

Taking it to the House: Three Great Women Aiming to Serve Montana

Elisheba Bagrow: Lichen & Pines Letterpress