REG’S BENCH Melbourne airport authority found over 200 dead crows on a road near the airport, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries , while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. The airport then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could shout "Car", none could shout "Lorry." A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was... after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?" At St. Peter's Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands' Marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to WORD SEARCH
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the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!' The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?' Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up. A man sees a sign outside a house 'Talking greyhound For Sale.' He rings the bell, Dave appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking greyhound sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the greyhound. "Yes," the greyhound replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the greyhound talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story." The greyhound looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was recruited by ASIO to spy on dodgy people. "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a greyhound would be eavesdropping. "I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Canberra airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the greyhound. "Ten dollars," Dave says. "Ten Dollars is that all? But this greyhound is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!.
Across 1 Own (7) 5 Goes without food (5) 8 Freedom from war (5) 9 Dispute (7) 10 Change for the better (7) 11 Youngster (5) 12 Precious metal (6) 14 Sheep's coat of wool (6) 18 Throng (5) 20 Try (7) 22 Radioactive element (7) 23 Reddening cosmetic (5) 24 Toy bear (5) 25 Satisfied (7) Down 1 Young dogs (7) 2 Skin of the head (5) 3 Something offensive to look at (7) 4 What follows (6) 5 Former French currency (5)
6 Canned fish (7) 7 Substantial (5) 13 Skin-tight garment (7) 15 Afterwards (5,2) 16 Beseech (7) 17 Road-surfacing
material (6) 18 Container for condiments (5) 19 God or goddess (5) 21 Shade of purple (5)
(6) 5 Surrender return on investment (5) 6 U.S. state - or Asian one! (7) 7 Peer almost ahead of time (4) 8 Some other message for Olympian messenger (6) 13 Backing for last couple of actors in show (8) 15 Braves chase pa all
over (7) 17 Ribs to order in a restaurant (6) 18 Herdsman finding river in port (6) 20 Trunk for the end of August or thereabouts (5) 22 A reporter beginning to turn up for music drama (5) 23 A number of sheets about a thousand? (4)
CRYPTIC CROSSWORD Across 1 Trees discovered in the Spanish manuscript (4) 3 A break for the kids when actors have to work? (8) 9 They pinch children (7) 10 It doesn't matter if it's dis or dat duck? (5) 11 Fish that may be amber (5) 12 Trial - or trade (6) 14 Asleep, but prepared to slip away (6) 16 Rub away a bread roll (6) 19 Endless oriental holiday in spring (6) 21 Feed the furnace in this town (5) 24 Anaesthetic used in some therapy (5) 25 King surrounded by menservants or knaves (7) 26 Discover the absence of our island state (8) 27 Post that once provided personal protection (4) Down 1 One blend - mixture given title? (8) 2 Some could help a man climbing a tree (5) 4 More off for instruction?
SODUKU Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9, with no number repeated. MOLONG EXPRESS, Thursday 10 August 2023 11 15 MOLONG EXPRESS, Thursday 7 October 2021
