Misc.09.10.26

The Miscellany News

miscellanynews.org

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866

September 10, 2026

Volume 166 | Issue 2

Vassar reacts to nationwide Meta lawsuit Concerts to see near campus this autumn J Vera Giraudo Webmaster

ust last week on Aug. 26, the technology company Meta settled in a historic federal lawsuit brought by 47 states, as well as the Washington, D.C. and multiple U.S. territories. Not only is this the largest settlement pay out by a social media company in the United States to date, at $17.1 billion, but Meta has also agreed to implement restrictions on adolescent accounts. The restrictions included limiting use of the app to two hours daily, hiding like counts from viewers and users and removing beauty filters. What differentiates this trial from many others that Meta and other social media giants have faced is the prosecution’s legal strategy and the prosecution’s ability to circumvent Section 230.

Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act of 1996 relieves social media companies, from Grindr to Google, of accountability in the event that their platform causes harm to users via misinformation, defamation or other issues regarding mental health.

The initial intention of Section 230’s authors, Senator Ron Wyden (D-Oregon) and former Representative Chris Cox (R-California) with the legislation was to protect freedom of speech on online forums fol-

lowing a series of defamation lawsuits.

Prior to Section 230, companies with “anything goes” policies, without moderators or claims of being “family friendly,” could not be held liable for anything published on their sites. Meanwhile,companies who attempted to filter offensive language or hate speech from their forums could be held responsible for what was published on their website. Prosecutors could argue that their filters were biased and that the companies should therefore be held liable for their users’ posts. Under this legal sites could either moderate their platforms but be held legally responsible for what was posted, or police nothing and avoid legal trouble altogether.

This legal distinction encouraged online companies to leave their websites completely unregulated to avoid lawsuits. So, in 1996, Wyden and Cox drafted Section 230 to encourage technology companies to implement “blocking and filtering technologies.”

Section 230 is largely responsible for the modern day social media landscape. It is incredibly controversial: Some consider it foundational in protecting free speech online in 2026; others argue it provides too much immunity to large technology corporations. For years, cases of stalking, mental health, extortion and blackmailing have

Sophia Marchioli Assistant Arts Editor

I Aria Kuklinski/The Miscellany News. gone to court only to be dismissed because of Section 230.

What changed? Why did Meta not only pay a historically large settlement but agree to place restrictions on arguably its most profitable audience: teenagers?

In this bellwether federal trial, prosecutors implemented a relatively new legal strategy. They argued that Meta was delivering a faulty product, lying to consumers about Facebook and Instagram’s addictive nature despite knowing of their harmful effects on mental health. Features like infinite scrolling, notifications and the infamous algorithm led to compulsive use and a myriad of health effects that come See Meta on page 8

Local organization buys IBM land for park Hadley Amato News Editor

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t its Sept. 2 meeting, the Town Board of Poughkeepsie approved several plans in relation to the International Business Machines Corporation (IBM) campus in Poughkeepsie.

The Town Board passed an amendment to

allow Scenic Hudson, a local environmental organization, to purchase 100 acres of IBM land. The organization plans to eventually transfer ownership of that land to the Town of Poughkeepsie to establish a public park.

The Town had initially planned to purchase the land through a combination of state and local grants, as well as a donation from Scenic Hudson. However, Town Su-

Hadley Amato/The Miscellany News.

Inside this issue

3

NEWS

Eli Lerdau reports on Vassar's new health portal.

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FEATURES

pervisor Rebecca Edwards said at the meeting, the original deal has been delayed by the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation, which Edwards said has taken longer than expected to test the groundwater at a construction debris landfill on the site.

While the Town waits for the tests to be conducted, Scenic Hudson has agreed to purchase the land now. That is so the property can be acquired before the purchasing contract between IBM and the Town expires. It was unclear at the Sept. 2 meeting when that contract is set to expire. Emily Watson, who represents the Town’s Fourth Ward on the Board, explained, “We’re kind of running out of time to close the contract, so what this amendment would allow is for us to authorize Scenic Hudson, instead of the Town, to go through the closing process and then transfer the land to the Town after the fact. So, [it is] the same outcome, but it just allows us to act a little faster once those test results come in eventually.”

According to the Board, Scenic Hudson would reimburse the town for a $110,000 contract down payment as part of the sale.

When the Town acquires the land from Scenic Hudson in the future, they are set to pay the organization $100,000 to regain ownership of the land.

Edwards expressed gratitude at the meeting for Scenic Hudson’s willingness to help the project. “Thank you to Scenic Hudson for helping with this,” she said. “They’ve been a really incredible partner.”

Jay Fu discusses a family skydiving adventure.

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f you are looking for live music this fall, there is no need to venture on a two-hour train ride to concerts in the city! The Hudson Valley is home to some of the most intimate and unique concert venues New York has to offer. And this fall, there is quite the lineup of indie artists performing locally.

Snail Mail & Soccer Mommy These indie rock artists will be performing a joint show for their S&M tour in Albany, New York, on Tuesday, Oct. 6 at The Egg. A ’70s brutalist masterpiece, The Egg was built as part of Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller’s Empire State Plaza project, and the duo will be playing in the beautiful Hart Theater inside The Egg. Lindsey Jordan of Snail Mail has been touring her latest album, “Ricochet,” since Spring 2026, and will kick off the S&M tour with Sophie Allison of Soccer Mommy on Sept. 30. “Ricochet,” ranked a 6.6 by Pitchfork, has not gotten the same applause as Jordan’s previous albums; it feels less poignant, with her voice less crisply demanding and the beat less piercing. She stole listeners’ hearts with her 2018 debut album “Lush,” which provided indie rock classics that have remained popular. However, “Ricochet” does have some standout songs, including “Hell,” which features Jordan’s iconic, aggressive electric guitar strum.

Meanwhile, Allison will be joining the tour with her older albums, with her latest release “Evergreen” from 2024. Allison has a similar sound to Jordan, with a shared aloof tone to her voice and powerful strum of electric guitar. She has produced some indie rock classics of her own such as her 2018 song, “Your Dog.” Allison and Jordan have been good friends for years due to their simultaneous rise into the spotlight. Their unbreakable bond and analogous sound go together like peanut butter and jelly—this show seems promising.

The Beths This indie pop band from New Zealand will be playing at Basilica Hudson on Thursday, Sept. 24. Their most recent album, “Straight Line Was a Lie,” came out a year ago and received a 7.5 from Pitchfork. The album is stacked with songs in their signature upbeat and bubbly yet grungy style, accompanied by a handful of slower songs which are softened by a lighter drum presence. Lead singer, Elizabeth Stokes, makes their music unique with her strong Kiwi twang. Their most streamed song, “Future Me Hates Me,” is a good representation of what most of their music sounds like. Paradoxical in sound, the song features the railing guitar of a ’90s grunge song, contrasted

by Stokes’ lighthearted singing about “future heartbreak, future headaches.” The Beths See Concerts on page 4

Aidan Dombrosky recaps a disasterous trip to RochesHUMOR ter, New York.

September 10, 2026

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THE MISCELLANY NEWS Emma Brown Darja Coutts Julian Balsley Grace Finke Hadley Amato NEWS EDITOR Samuel Eisenberg ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR Aurelia Harrison ARTS EDITORS Brendan Kennedy Sophia Marchioli ASSISTANT ARTS EDITOR Sydney Jones FEATURES EDITOR Tina Mao ASSISTANT FEATURES EDITOR Ian Watanabe OPINIONS EDITOR Zoe Rodriguez ASSISTANT OPINIONS EDITOR Josie Wenner HUMOR EDITOR Noah Daube-Valois ASSISTANT HUMOR EDITOR Holland Kaplan SPORTS EDITOR David Bray ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITORS Armaan Desai Lucas Seguinot DESIGN EDITOR Sylvia Sargent ASSISTANT DESIGN EDITORS Hannah Wells Elliot Evans COPY EDITORS Gabrielle Lyman Julia Weber ASSISTANT COPY EDITOR Aria Kuklinski GRAPHICS EDITORS Charlotte Willenbring Makenna Brown PHOTO EDITOR Aviva Barry ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR Olivia Blank GAMES EDITORS Felix Mundy-Mancino Mia Liloia SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Fallon Dern LIVE EVENTS CHAIR Vera Giraudo WEBMASTER Eduardo Culmer REPORTERS/COLUMNISTS Noah Duncan Iggy Gutierrez Melody Hamilton Isabel Holmes Lora Janczewski Benjamin Kaplan Eli Lerdau Madeline Nusbaum Evan Seker Erin Thatcher Amritha Dewan PHOTOGRAPHER Andrew Chu CARTOONIST Catriona Chapman COPY STAFF Cooper Jaffe Ren Nicolau

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR SENIOR EDITORS

Image courtesy of Tori Kim '25.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

NEWS

September 10, 2026

Vassar

College

introduces

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Eli Lerdau Columnist

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assar College announced on Monday, Aug. 31, its rollout of a new electronic health records system (EHR) operated by Point and Click Solutions, which includes an optional artificial intelligence (AI) notetaking service. In light of the switch, some students raised concerns about the College’s communication with the student body and the platform’s AI features.

Vassar’s previous health portal platform was run by Medicat, which had held the contract for over a decade. That deal was set to expire on June 30, 2026, according to Director of Health Service Margot Schinella. “Medicat upgraded their product with us in January 2026, however, the updated version was not user friendly, lacked enhancements that other vendors offered and did not provide students with the optimal patient experience,” wrote Schinella. “Feedback from students identified that the patient portal and self-check-in features were outdated and challenging for them to use.”

The main complaint among students surrounding Medicat was not about functionality, but user access. “The interface was kind of shit,” River Hamm ’29 said, “but the way the actual system itself worked wasn’t terrible.” Another student, Chloe Fournier ’29, voiced similar concerns. “It was difficult to use,” Fournier said of the Medicat system, adding that if she needed assistance she had to call the Health Service office directly.

Before settling on Point and Click Solutions, Health Service staff consulted with peer institutions, including Columbia University, Oklahoma State University and the University of Arkansas, according to Schinella. “Point and Click Solutions is widely considered one of the best EHR programs for college health as it aligns with best practice guidelines and industry standards,” Schinella told The Miscellany News.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

The new system is web-based and hosted on the vendor’s servers. “This was also the case with Medicat and this model has worked well for us over the past decade,” Schinella explained. In the new Point and Click Solutions portal, students must resign and, in some cases, re-file their health paperwork, which seems to have only been announced in one email from the Health Service on Aug. 31. Students who spoke to The Miscellany News for this piece felt the College did not properly inform the student body of the change.

When asked about the administration’s communication about the new health portal, Hamm responded, “It was horrible.”

Hamm says he only heard about the change through a friend on a sports team. “This is something that you should send several emails about. It’s atrocious you’re barely telling me about this, especially when the school year’s already started, with the intensity of classes and the host of other

things going on,” Hamm said.

Students also raised concerns about aspects of the new system itself. Point and Click offers an AI note-taking tool, which nurses and nurse practitioners can use during appointments only after asking and receiving a patient’s consent.

“This AI feature aligns with existing frameworks like HIPAA [the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act], ensuring data minimization and strict purpose limitation and only assists in the note composition,” explained Schinella. “It does not offer diagnoses, place orders or determine treatment plans.”

Each student appeared most animated when speaking about the new tool. Offloading note-taking, students worried, risks eroding the one-on-one relationship between patients and providers. “At what point are you talking to the nurse, and at what point are you talking to this robot?”

Krisha Jeevarathnam ’28 asked about the AI

notetaker. She noted, however, that when she recently shadowed a neurologist at Albany Medical Center, they used a similar transcription tool. “How do we know that this is definitely going to pick up on the exact words I’m saying?” worried Jeevarathnam.

A 2025 report in npj Digital Medicine found that AI speech recognition systems have a seven to 11 percent higher error rate than human professionals in the medical field. According to a Stanford University Human-Centered Artificial Intelligence report, AI tools have also been known to fabricate information and can fail to mark down critical information. “Even a small percentage of errors can have profound implications for patient safety,” the Stanford report noted.

Only one of the six students to whom the Miscellany spoke said they would give consent for AI to be used during an appointment.

Image courtesy of Luke Jenkins '26.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

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September 10, 2026

Bridgers balances grief and love in ‘Lost Weekend’ Grace Finke Senior Editor

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ollowing a two-year hiatus and a sporadic phone-free tour, Phoebe Bridgers released her third studio album, “Lost Weekend,” on Aug. 14, 2026, her first solo record release since 2020. The American singer-songwriter seamlessly blends ambient production and emotionally charged lyrics into her characteristic indie-folk sound, resulting in a brilliantly evocative piece of art that exemplifies the balance between raw sentimentality and polished musicianship.

Bridgers has been one of the most formative figures of my late adolescence. Her ability to poetically weave complex memories into her lyrics as well as her deep understanding of musical production always greatly appealed to me as a musician and writer myself.

Her discography—which includes her first two solo studio albums, as well as a record and two EPs with fellow musicians Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus as the supergroup boygenius—serves as a testament to her love for the art and the reflection it allows. “Lost Weekend” is no exception; the 16-track record is a cohesive and mature portrait of how grief and love have simultaneously shaped Bridgers’ artistry.

Bridgers released “Lost Boys,” the album’s lead single, on June 25. Inspired by the Lost Boys from “Peter Pan,” the upbeat track tells a story of stunted emotional development, accompanied by a playful drumbeat and cheerful brass that effectively captures the stubborn youthfulness present in modern adulthood. Bridgers sings, “This machine is killing me / I pretended it was make believe / Lost boys / Never grow up, never go home.” “Lost Boys,” Bridgers’ first solo release since 2022, proved to be an effective comeback to the music scene, demonstrating her ability to craft a comprehensible musical narrative with any topic she approaches.

“Lost Weekend” shows that making music is a labor of love for Bridgers, evident in the large-scale collaboration behind the record’s creation. The album was produced

by Jack Antonoff, Ethan Gruska, Tony Berg, Alexander Giannascoli, known professionally as Alex G, as well as Bridgers herself. Additionally, the writing, arrangement and musical performances of the album feature a diverse array of musicians, including but not limited to Baker, Dacus, Bo Burnham, Maya Hawke, Caroline Shaw

Local

and the pseudonymous Son-John Johnson, who sings with the unmistakable mumbled diction and warbling vibrato of Geese frontman Cameron Winter. Bridgers’ versatility through these different musical elements—such as layered vocal harmonies, string orchestras and rock guitar—makes “Lost Weekend” a compelling listen that synthesizes a variety of genres and influences.

Like the rest of Bridgers’ discography, “Lost Weekend” is tinged with unfiltered thoughts and a slight melancholy throughout all of its poetic lyrics. “The Governor's Waltz,” rumored to be about her previous engagement to Irish actor Paul Mescal, details the slow unraveling of a relationship.

Bridgers sings, “So let's see how long we can go without talking / Watch me pretending to sleep / I'm next to you, you're next to nothing / You promised that you'd never leave / But maybe you'll do it for me.”

On the other hand, the rock-influenced “Bobby” focuses on her current relationship with Burnham. In this love song, Bridgers mixes hyperbole with sweet sentiments to show just how intense her feelings are. She belts, “And if you didn't like either one of my friends / I’d kill them, I'd kill them.”

Throughout “Lost Weekend,” Bridgers demonstrates how her emotionality is aided not only by her deeply personal lyrics, but also intricate musical arrangement and production. One of Bridgers’ musical characteristics is a thick instrumental texture, featuring a blend of electronic and acoustic sounds. This creates an ambient background that blends with her voice, allowing contrasting instrumental or vocal lines to become a focal point in the song.

An example of this is in “Kill Me,” where a reverberated guitar line pierces through a sea of strings and synthesizers to play a continuous motif that flows through the song like a steady pulse. Similarly, the album’s titular track features a relatively unpolished vocal line—missing Bridgers’ typical vocal doubling and harmonies— that is engulfed by an ambient soundscape, providing gentle support while she softly pours her heart out.

The genius of Bridgers’ production is especially evident in my personal favorite track, “Never Going Back!” Bridgers repeatedly sings, “Never going back again / The way it used to be is not the way that it is.”

Each reinstatement adds a new musical element: Vocal harmonies and instruments slowly integrate into the song, giving the simple lyrics a new meaning each time

concerts

Continued from Concerts on page 1 promise a fun show if you enjoy jumping and swaying, plus Basilica Hudson guarantees an excellent ambiance. The venue is an old factory, which has been converted into a nonprofit art center. Its tall ceilings, large windows, grand rafters and rich history create an industrial atmosphere filled with character.

Jeff Tweedy The Bearsville Theater is a historic site, tucked away in the woods just past the town of Woodstock. Created by Albert Grossman, manager of Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, Johnny Cash and others, the site holds a recording studio and some remnants of the old cabins where artists would stay. The renowned recording studio was used by many artists including The Rolling Stones, R.E.M. and Jeff Buckley, who recorded his only complete al-

worth

bum, “Grace,” at the studio in 1993. It is still functional today and run by Utopia Studios.

Jeff Tweedy, best known as the lead singer of Wilco, will be taking the stage at the Bearsville Theater on Oct. 26 and 27 for his solo tour. He will be touring his 2025 album, “Twilight Override,” a 30 song triple album of folky-indie-country-rock. Known for his vulnerable lyricism and soft voice, the album makes sense as Tweedy’s next endeavor, following in the footsteps of many great artists who have released triple albums late in their career. Some of it is experimental, including the album opener, “One Tiny Flower,” which feels like a mixture of his typical folk style interrupted by a spontaneous jazz performance. But with Tweedy’s storytelling taking the forefront of the album, it is still reminiscent of his earlier work.

they are repeated.

The song then dissipates to a simple banjo line accompanying a voice message from Tony Bridgers, Bridgers’ late father, who passed away in 2023, with whom she had a fraught relationship, detailed in her 2020 song “Kyoto.” At the end of “Never Going Back!” he says, “Hey Phoebe, it's your dad / Uh, I know you're busy / Being a rock star takes up a lot of your time, I'm guessing / Hahaha, you're everywhere, dude / Anyway, give me a call if you get a chance / Love you.” While a stark contrast from the

rest of the song, this element once again recontextualizes the song’s refrain, transforming the track into a reflection of the ephemerality of life.

As a dedicated listener of Bridgers, I felt that “Lost Weekend” was well worth the six-year wait. The album is a poignant masterclass in musical storytelling, and exemplifies just how special Bridgers is as an artist. “Lost Weekend” is Bridgers at her best: creative, introspective and unafraid to turn the complexities of her life into something beautiful.

Aria Kuklinski/The Miscellany News.

attending Hayley Williams Lead singer of Paramore Hayley Williams will be playing at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC) on Sept. 12. She began her newest tour, The Hayley Williams Show, on Sept. 3, after the 2025 release of her successful solo album. However, Williams has been previewing the record since March 2026 on her last tour, Hayley Williams at a Bachelorette Party. She is a free spirit, with bizarrely layered pastel outfits, colorful eye shadow and her iconic leg tattoos poking out of just about every outfit. Her look and music have grown up alongside her since her early days as a teenager in Paramore. Williams’ recent album is witty and sardonic and pokes at people and sides of culture she does not approve of. Williams takes no prisoners.

The album’s production is airy, crisp and

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

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eclectic, making for a fun listen and promising a whimsical show. Videos of Williams dancing on stage and experimenting with her songs in real time have gone viral throughout the summer. SPAC is the perfect upstate New York venue for early September, when the days still hold the warmth of summer and the nights have the early chill of fall. SPAC is an outdoor amphitheater hidden in the woods of Saratoga Spa State Park. The venue has higher priced seats close to the stage in auditorium-style seating, as well as cheaper tickets for a spot on the lawn overlooking the amphitheater. Its grandeur is echoed by the wooded state park which is home to 12 mineral springs and spouters.This is a unique concert opportunity, as Williams is hard to catch at a Paramore show due to the costliness of those tickets.

However, cheap tickets in all sections are still available for this fabulous performance.

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September 10, 2026

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‘Spider-Man: Brand New Day’ is a positive step forward for MCU Tait Tavolacci Guest Columnist

[This review contains spoilers.] s triumphant as “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” sounds, it is a very melancholic film. If you have forgotten where we last left Peter Parker (Tom Holland)—for which you could be forgiven, given that it has been five years since the franchise’s last installment— the ending of “Spider-Man: No Way Home” saw Doctor Strange casting a spell that causes everyone on Earth to forget who Peter is. As a result, he loses everyone in his life, becoming a stranger to all who once knew him.

At the start of “Brand New Day,” we watch Peter sink into isolation. His only connection to Ned (Jacob Batalon) and MJ (Zendaya), his former best friend and ex-girlfriend, respectively, is watching Ned’s Instagram stories, which document Ned and MJ’s life at MIT. A montage shows them passing milestones as Peter remains static, scrolling in his darkened bedroom, the light of their excited faces illuminating his. Deprived of a college experience, Peter throws himself into his work as Spider-Man, fighting crime nonstop. In a sense, he is no longer Peter Parker at all—Spider-Man has consumed his identity.

We watch Peter get battered and beaten. He downs Advil like it is water. He is constantly exhausted. He has dealt with physical injuries before, but paired with such deep loneliness, his lifestyle becomes unsustainable in a way it has never been before. The lighting and set design of Peter’s apartment shows how grief has permeated his space. Every scene here is dimly lit. The color seems to have been drained out of the furniture and the walls; his home appears only in shades of gray. And as for Peter himself, despite his feeble attempts to conceal it, the depression cannot be hidden. The weight of his solitude consumes his every gesture and facial expression, though most obviously, and perhaps worst of all, when he smiles.

This heaviness is also evident in the way the film portrays Peter’s disconnect from MJ and Ned. While Peter spends a long time

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‘Lanterns’

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Felicity Leveau Guest Columnist

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watching the pair from afar, as the movie progresses, they are thrust back into his life when a new threat once again targets Peter’s loved ones. MJ and Ned have just lived through four years of college and have built a whole new social world, accruing life experiences that Peter never got to have. Every time he shares the screen with either of them, Peter seems suspended in time, his isolation setting him several steps behind the rest of the world. Holland plays Peter with a palpable combination of discomfort and yearning, which is strongest whenever he meets MJ’s gaze. It physically pains him to look into the eyes that once loved him, but now see him as a stranger. Despite the pain, he cannot look away.

For all these strengths, the movie’s weakest aspect was the villains. The antagonist is an individual who, for half of the movie, is faceless. They speak to Peter through other people, using telepathy to “body hop,” a power that allows them to enter the minds of others and possess their bodies. The villain wreaks havoc on the Department of Damage Control, and then, when Peter intervenes, begins to target him. Although each fight scene was visually thrilling, the villain’s unclear motivations became a test of patience. The mystery drags on for so long that it becomes more frustrating than suspenseful.

In spite of this, the film still managed to build up a sinister feeling surrounding the villain. Their methods become increasingly cruel and unusual as they body hop through innocent people, putting them in harm’s way with no qualms. At one point, the villain even possesses MJ, tricking Peter into thinking she has suddenly remembered him. This abrupt pivot from general havoc to a specific attack against Peter is jarring, and seems geared towards the revelation that this villain is someone with a deeper relationship to Spider-Man than initially believed.

Then the reveal finally comes. Jean Grey (Sadie Sink)—a familiar name to any “X-Men” fans—is a teenager motivated not by some personal grudge against Spider-Man nor uncontrolled impulses towards darkness and

nly half of HBO’s newest superhero TV show, “Lanterns,” has aired, yet it has already set itself apart as one of the best received pieces of superhero television in recent memory. With three episodes aired, the series currently holds a 94 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and an aggregate IMDb score of eight. So far, the show has taken a grounded and gritty approach to Green Lantern—a superhero who is typically seen in a space with a colorful cast of characters. Instead, “Lanterns” tries to emulate prestige television of the 2000s, taking clear influences from shows like “True Detective.” “Lanterns”—rather than focusing on Green Lantern fighting big red aliens in space (such as Atrocitus, a classic Green Lantern villain in comics)—is about a small-town mystery. Aliens are certainly involved, but if they are going to be big and red, the viewer has not seen it yet. “Lanterns” is trying to connect with its viewers on a different level, a human level, and it seems to be succeeding.

Watching it, I was struck by its similarity to “The Penguin,” HBO’s other DC superhero show. “The Penguin” is a spin-off of Matt Reeves’ film “The Batman.” It focuses on the classic Batman villain the Penguin but feels noticeably different from “The Batman.”

Batman himself hardly appears in the show

Charlotte Willenbring/The Miscellany News. violence. Instead, she just wants to find her sister— a fellow telepath, kidnapped by Damage Control several years ago. Since then, Jean has been obsessed with Damage Control, and it is here that we see that its head, Bill Metzger (Tramell Tillman), is the true villain of the story.

The mismatch between Jean’s portrayal in the first half of the movie, when she is faceless, and the second half, when her story is revealed to us, feels too great to be neatly reconciled. In the first, her dialogue sounds older, evil, and unwaveringly confident. Her decisions are calculated and ruthless. But after the reveal, there is a sudden shift to vulnerability and fear. She seems more uncertain of herself, completely different from the faceless foe the audience has come to know.

Additionally, Jean’s complete disregard of how her power affects others is somewhat understandable when considering how desperate she has become after years of search-

superhero

at all, and the show does not feature any superheroes at all. Just like “Lanterns,” “The Penguin” attempts to emulate prestige TV. For instance, the influence of “The Sopranos” is impossible to ignore. The main conflict is driven by the city’s Italian-American crime families, and is set in DC’s classic counterpart of New York, Gotham City. Just as “Lanterns” did, “The Penguin” received widely positive reviews from critics. The show received 24 Emmy nominations, with nine wins.

Both shows try to do something significant in the genre of superhero media: They attempt to break into the critically acclaimed realm of television. For years, superhero cinema and television has been regarded widely as formulaic and low brow. Acclaimed director Martin Scorsese famously once stated that “Marvel movies aren’t cinema.” In his op-ed for The New York Times, Scorsese elaborated on his claim, extending it to “franchise cinema” as a whole. For Scorsese, “nothing is at risk” in superhero films, that they are always “variations on a finite number of themes.”

Because so many franchise films are corporately sanctioned (Marvel Studios, for example, is a subsidiary of Disney), Scorsese feels they can never provide real social commentary beyond surface level “heroism” where the good guy beats the bad guy to protect the innocents. For Scorsese, the superhero genre lacks nuance. “Lanterns” and “The Penguin”

ing. However, there is an emotional disconnect that is difficult to overcome. Jean often does things she does not need to, things that do not seem to further her goals in a meaningful way, which has the effect of making her much more sadistic than the movie probably wants her to be. Towards the end, the film’s tone towards her shifts into sympathy as Peter recognizes her as the angry kid she really is. But it is a tough ask after witnessing her crueler moments.

That said, the movie was still a success, and its flaws were far outweighed by its positive aspects, which was a very pleasant surprise. With “Brand New Day,” Marvel seems to be finding its footing again after a rough few years. Despite my uncertainty going in, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and my expectations for the upcoming release of “Avengers: Doomsday” are now much higher. They may turn out to be misguided, but I see no reason not to embrace optimism.

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understand this and desire to make art that will be taken seriously by the critical scene.

Their stories are embedded with interpersonal character conflict and tangible, real-world themes.

Similarly to “The Penguin”—which shied away from superhero antics in favor of a more emotionally driven storyline concerned with crime and betrayal—“Lanterns” puts the aliens on the back-burner to focus more on the complexities of its characters and the world that they are in. The most recent episode of “Lanterns,” titled “OutKast,” displays this best. The episode covers the origin of one of the titular Green Lanterns, John Stewart.

Stewart was one of the first Black mainline characters in DC Comics and the successor to the Green Lantern title previously held by Hal Jordan. “OutKast” recontextualises this story.

To be chosen for Green Lantern, a group of primordial aliens, known as the Guardians of the Universe, recruit individuals they deem to be fearless and willful. In “Lanterns,” Stewart’s father is the original selection for Earth’s Green Lantern. He is lifted out of his bed by an otherworldly green orb and asked, “Are you afraid?” Stewart’s father says yes, and is denied. As a result, Jordan is chosen for the role, passes the test, and gets the title.

Stewart’s parents train him relentlessly in response, in hopes that he could one day get the title that his father was denied. The episode is

not concerned with Green Lantern’s powers or what he does. Instead, it focuses primarily on how Stewart’s identity as a Black American man reframes what it means for him to be “fearless” and “willful.” Stewart’s mother expresses in the episode that while it is easy to be fearless as a white man in America, it is very different for a Black man.

The episode grapples with this issue in more ways than one. Stewart’s parents villainize Jordan, but the show also villainizes his parents. They alienate John from his siblings and his culture, and consistently risk his life, all in pursuit of making him the perfect superhero. “Lanterns” takes the relationship between Jordan and Stewart, and their respective origins, and embeds them with a real-world tension. Rather than Green Lantern being a pillar of heroic goodness pitted against a cartoonish villain, the role comes with real complexities and tension.

It is not that “Lanterns” is ashamed to be a superhero show. Instead, it understands that superhero shows also need to be nuanced and emotionally complex. In opposition to Scorsese’s criticism of the genre, “Lanterns” is not afraid to risk something. Since the 2010s, superhero movies have been synonymous with mindless spectacle. But it seems like in the past few years, there has been a swing away from that. “Lanterns” is the next project in line that is trying to be something more.

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September 10, 2026

‘Tony’ introduces the world to difficult Vassar men Benjamin Kaplan Columnist

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assar, like life, can be a difficult experience where you can be judged more for how you are perceived instead of who you actually are. Directed by Matt Johnson, “Tony,” the recent pseudo-biopic about Vassar dropout Anthony Bourdain, is a flawed but beautiful coming-of-age flick that touches on this sentiment.

We meet our main character, Tony— played by Dominic Sessa of “Holdovers” (2023) fame—as he loses out on an opportunity and, like many Vassar students, seeks out change in a new place out of frustration and a bit of yearning. The visual aesthetic Johnson evokes in the journey that Tony takes is one that you may have not felt since you bundled up at sleepaway camp to watch a 2000s classic comedy old inspirational football or baseball film flicker onto a log wall from a squeaky projector.

In an era of film that is increasingly trying to elicit deep-seated feelings and fears—just take a look at the success of “Obsession”—“Tony” keeps it a bit shallow while ultimately staying sweet. Also, yes, they shot all the “Vassar” scenes at Wheaton College in Norton, Massachusetts; I saved you a Google search!

Tony’s yearning for a better life following his failure to get a summer writing fellowship manifests in his escape to Provincetown, Massachusetts. There, he searches for fellow Vassar student Nancy, played by Emilia Jones. However, he quickly learns that Nancy has a boyfriend and gets into drunken trouble with The Flagship, a local restaurant.

He then goes on a culinary journey of forgiveness with the restaurant and staff after being taken in by head chef Ciro—played by certified “Puss in Boots” legend Antonio Banderas—who lets Tony crash on his backyard hammock and employs the disgruntled young man in The Flagship’s kitchen as a dishwasher then chef. The most notable

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. people that shape Tony’s journey over the course of the summer, apart from his somewhat creepy infatuation with Nancy, are Ciro and his fellow chefs Sal (Leo Woodall) and Dimitri (Stavros Halkias). Sal allows a great juxtaposition to Tony with his confidence and self-destructive nature, whereas Dimitri is great comedic relief who gives the growing young man an opening to the community that exists in The Flagship’s kitchen.

“Tony” is a relatively safe movie. It has its moments of light whimsy, a dash of yearning for change and self-growth and occasionally some tension, but ultimately, that is about it when it comes to strong emotions. Like Tony’s character development from a somewhat troubled and very angsty, insecure loner toward some kind of maturity, the viewing experience is gradual but builds to a bigger picture by the end.. The repeated shot of Ciro waking up Tony with a giant pot full of water is emblematic of this, as the head chef physically and symbolically forces the young Vassar men to action and to find some agency in his life.

However, the film is not boring. It is ac-

tually quite refreshing to have a movie that takes its time and is not toying with some higher altruism or moral grandstanding.

It is a character-centric movie that largely focuses on how the chefs change Tony and how he changes them.

The only characterization that left a bad taste in my mouth was Nancy, as she is given no depth and acts exclusively as a conduit for Tony’s emotional and sexually driven motivations. Additionally, despite basically stalking Nancy and lying to her throughout the film, Tony never seems to experience real consequences for his actions, further dehumanizing her. Combined with The Flagship’s hostess Mary, played by Monica Raymurd, who gets almost no lines and serves as a plot device for Tony and his targeted sexual harassment, I do believe that the film has a fairly maligned outlook on women. Or at least one that does not view them as valuable characters.

However—and I have to get this out of the way as a lifelong Provincetown and Cape Cod enjoyer—queer people are notably absent from the film. I have been to P-Town and even watched the “Parts Unknown”

episode where Bourdain describes his time there in the ’70s, and the movie’s portrayal of the town as a straight-laced family summer destination is blasphemous. It is America’s oldest gay summer colony, and the film might as well have been set in Chatham or Mackinaw Island.

Additionally, one scene’s setting is reminiscent of the interior of a bar in the town that is one of the oldest gay clubs in the country, yet they frame it as just another dive bar! It is nice to see the unfortunately dying Portuguese fishing community of P-Town represented, but Matt Johnson dropped the ball hard on what the place is actually like and how Bourdain himself was influenced by that.

Is “Tony” the kind of film that will blow you away? Probably not, but that is not its goal. I left my theater on a nice summer night, thinking of sitting on a beach in Cape Cod and the transformative power of change? Yes. I recommend you catch “Tony” if you want that feeling of ease and to see the classic tale of an annoying guy from Vassar trying to become a less difficult person on the silver screen.

Entangled in stethoscopes: Experiencing HBO’s ‘The Pitt’ Ender Nix

Guest Columnist

M

id-June, I was in the living room. The cicadas were chirping outside and the humidity was wafting in through the window my mom always keeps open. I was reading on the teal loveseat, and my mom was busy watching HBO’s “The Pitt,” the dogs asleep by her side.

I have never been interested in medical dramas, the health world or even TV for that matter. But something about “The Pitt” pulled me in, and I began to quietly watch over her shoulder. She was on Episode 6, so I had missed almost half of the first season, but I was quick to catch on to the narrative.

After only half an episode, I could feel the stethoscope around my neck and the scrubs on my back. It was almost dizzying how fast I got absorbed into the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center.

Each season of “The Pitt” takes place in a single day, so every episode displays an hour in the emergency department (ED). This uniquely amplifies the realism of the show, as the viewer gets to experience how much the emergency medical staff endure in just a day—even if it sometimes feels inconceivable.

From the cacophony of the waiting room to the overwhelming nature of the emergency room, the frequency of tragedy that nurs-

es and doctors in the show experience daily is astounding. As a viewer, I felt like I was in the ED with the staff, the stretchers and alarms suddenly surrounding me.

Many real-life medical workers have claimed “The Pitt” is one of the most realistic pieces in our medical-media catalogue, according to sources such as CBS News and The Harvard Gazette. The show brings to light the underfunding of hospitals and is incredible at naturally weaving in relevant social issues. The show has depicted the horrors of ICE raids, the debate around the right to abortion, racism and discrimination among diagnoses and the increasingly common burnout in the medical field. A recurring subplot in the show revolves around the fallout from COVID-19 and how it continues to impact emergency departments even half a decade later. The inclusion of socio-political issues in “The Pitt,” especially in such a tumultuous time in our country, helps the viewer realize that emergency departments around the US are not immune or isolated from the outside world’s problems. The emergency staff have to experience their own staggering lives and then must surrender what they have left to give to their patients.

Another great thing about “The Pitt” is its wide appeal. I have talked to peers who love the show, but also older folks; the show distinctively creates a special bridge between all

ages. Even in these times when generations of our world seem to clash, it collectively invokes our empathy to see people experience the adrenaline rush—and crash—that exists within the ED. Every character’s personality and backstory is multifaceted, but something that ties them together is their vulnerable humanity.

Personally, I quickly latched onto Dennis Whitaker (played by Gerran Howell) and Trinity Santos (played by Isa Briones), two very different characters. Yet over the course of the two seasons, they become the closest thing to unrelated siblings, like two cats bonded in a shelter that cannot be separated.

Santos is guarded, sarcastic and loyal.

Whitaker is kind, gentle and very resilient. They are both extremely determined to do the best they can in the ED, and are greatly skilled at it. They balance out each other’s flaws and contribute to each other’s strengths. They provide the chaos of the ED with such a homey and comforting feel, like an eye in the storm. Both for each other and for us as the audience.

“The Pitt” is incredible at interspersing a diverse selection of patients into the story, but the viewer is left wanting more time with the show's main characters. Their personal issues are sprinkled throughout the scenes, but I am hungry for more. I want to learn more about Whitaker and his childhood, Jack Abbot and his life on the front

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

lines, Victoria Javadi and the crushing expectations on her from her parents, Melissa King’s autistic tendencies and traits. I have so many questions bouncing around in my brain that have been left unanswered.

Unfortunately, I doubt we will get much about the characters that are not close to the protagonist, Michael Robinavitch, nicknamed Robby. In addition to playing Dr. Robinavitch, Noah Wyle is a major writer, director and producer of the show. Most of the information we learn about a character outside of the ED is related to Robby. And while Robinavitch is an interesting character and I want to learn more about him too, there are so many people on the team at “The Pitt” who deserve more screen time.

With Mohan getting written off for Season 3, I worry that the other characters will be pushed to the side to make more room for Robinavitch, which I think is very unfair, especially when they are all so fleshed out and deserve more lore.

I am at my core an optimist, so I hope that when I press play on Season 3—due to release sometime in early 2027—I will get the information I so desperately want.

These characters have become something like friends to me, and I very much look forward to the day our paths cross again in a new way. Especially since I have been rewatching the same episodes every night for the past few months!

September 10, 2026

FEATURES

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Copenhagen Chronicles Ch. 1: Arriving in CPH Lora Janczewski Columnist

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y the time you find this paper stacked on the racks in Gordon Commons or lying on the tables in the Rose Parlor, I will have already been in school for two weeks.

This is because I am not taking classes at Vassar right now. Rather, I am studying abroad in the colorful—and increasingly chilly—city of Copenhagen, Denmark. Hej and welcome to my adventures from afar!

Since stepping out of the airport, the combination of modernity and nature was instantly apparent. Copenhagen is a very green city—literally. Swaths of grass and trees line the streets and canals. People gather together and lay down on blankets on the lawns to read or catch that fleeting Scandinavian sun. Large parks in the city center provide an oasis for all kinds of birds and people from all walks of life. Magpies hop around inquisitively while students take a break from their classes to eat lunch by the water. Cemeteries are grand and quiet, places where people stroll and practice mindfulness; they weave around the tombstones decorated with vines and wildflowers in the shade of the weeping willows just to be outside among nature.

I am constantly surprised by the intersection between the two—by how much diversity can be found in this lively city.

In fact, this was only solidified during the lab for my conservation and biodiversity course. We visited Ørstedsparken, a park in central Copenhagen, which is home to a

huge lake, winding walking paths, benches and plenty of statues. Our professor tasked us with finding as many different bird species in the park as we could in 45 minutes.

Our group set out with what we believed would be a reasonable goal: maybe five different birds. Magpies, rock pigeons, wood pigeons, perhaps a gull.

Within 10 minutes, we had already reached our goal. Ducks, coots, jackdaws and yes, pigeons, of course, filled our list quickly.

Surprised, we continued to meander around the park. By the time we ended, we had listed 11 different bird species in our notes—more than double what we expected to find! And while our list was only concerned with birds, , we also saw plenty of different insects buzzing around: beetles and butterflies we could not name. We pushed past shrubs with questionable red berries and stooped down to take pictures of multi-colored flowers lining the edge of the lake.

It would have been so easy to spend another 45 minutes walking around the park, or even longer, just observing the differences between the foliage found in the United States and in Copenhagen. It was so much fun to watch how the birds flitted from one branch to the next and how they interacted with the environment around them. It was clear, too, that the people spending time in this park, whether on the benches or on picnic blankets or simply walking past, also appreciated this space. It was clear that even if they had been to this park hundreds

of times before, they still regarded it with the same awe and appreciation that I did.

This level of biodiversity is not exclusive to Copenhagen, though. Being in a new environment naturally forces us to point out differences between our home and where we now find ourselves. I am sure that if you walked around campus right now and counted all of the different kinds of animals, birds and trees and shrubs you

saw from one class to the next, you would also be surprised by how much diversity you found. Yet, what I believe is important to note is the fact that this extent of nature is tucked right in the middle of Denmark’s capital city. Despite all of the hustle of people, cars and bikes—oh, so many bikes!— there is such a deep connection to the environment and recognizing how important it is.

Lora Janczewski/The Miscellany News.

email misc@vassar.edu for more info

Amritha Dewan/The Miscellany News.

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FEATURES

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September 10, 2026

Meta pledges significant changes in landmark settlement Continued from Meta on page 1 with addiction. The government’s tort law approach was more akin to the legal battle against tobacco companies, whose products are now age restricted and have warning labels.

Meta tried to use Section 230 to protect themselves by arguing that mental health issues around body image and beauty filters—which will be turned off for teen accounts in the coming months—was a culture cultivated by users, not the application. They also claimed to have no knowledge of their applications’ addictive natures or any proof of it.

Regarding the lawsuit, Madeleine Stone ’29 said, “ I'm slightly skeptical as to how efficient [the restrictions] are actually going

First-time

skydiver

Jay Fu

Guest Columnist

T

to be, because I could see how it would be very easy to get around those age limits.”

It is hard to imagine these new regulations will be effective for a variety of reasons. If we stick to the “tobacco narrative,” it took decades for cigarette sales to drop.

Similarly, it is difficult to gauge how effective Meta’s age verification processes will be and if other social media companies will follow suit.

Of the new restrictions, Anya Drasin ’29 commented, “ It feels like Meta and the other social media companies started a fire, and now they're trying to claim to be heroes by dumping one little bucket of water on it.”

According to this newest settlement and the people I spoke to, the fire is real. “ I look

he reality of what I have signed up for does not hit me until I am by the aircraft’s open door, watching the jumper before me disappear into the hazy blue distance.

Until then, no real sense of scope has been established: Wind cannot reach the back of the plane where tandem divers board, and the circular window by my seat offers a modest view of our ascent that I only register as a static image, slowly scaling out.

In a commercial aircraft, long waits on the taxiway turn any particular excitement for takeoff into simple impatience, while clouds conceal whatever nature or structure lies beneath by the time the snack cart has made its first round. The smaller skydiving jet does not take us above the clouds, but it is hard to eliminate the notion that there must be something buffering us from the earth besides 10,000 feet of empty space.

At the edge of the plane, the illusion disappears. The ground, altitude-warped and tiny, is fatally near.

Nothing is professionally guaranteed in skydiving, not even the day you book.

If the fog did not lift that August morning, we would have been sent right back home, like the other unlucky groups on the heels of the stormy season’s stormiest week. My mother and I drove two hours into Virginia at the break of dawn for our appointment, so when we were set loose in the hangar with the instruction to simply wait, we were content to busy ourselves until the weather cleared.

It was still cool enough in the early morning to wander outside of the hangar’s shielded interior. But there was little activity there, the bustle contained as long as the foggy conditions held it in. A massive American flag was draped over the hangar’s entrance, facing the airway where the first jumpers had begun to suit up, leaning over aging men stretching with that particular concentration lost on spry, fit folk and blessing small jet planes wheeling about before takeoff. Shortly, sunlight split over the field, exposing marked yellow tracks pressed beneath the fog, and we were briefed on safety preparations.

One might consider danger in degrees of calculated risk. The more easily risk can be managed, the more bureaucratic the process of surrendering oneself as a liability. Recall the red tape at the DMV: so much tedious licensing, regulating, testing and teaching.

At the most extreme end of extreme sports, this formalization approaches uselessness.

Take BASE (buildings, antennae, spans, and earth) jumping, which in some manifestations—jumping from private bridges or build-

at my younger sister who's 12 and has access to infinite scroll[ing] and short-form content. She's so incredibly addicted,” Stone shared.

Like all things, social media has its positives and negatives. It connects people, facilitates the spreading of news and is responsible for disseminating information about social movements like #MeToo and Black Lives Matter, among other things.

This is not to say dependency on social media is not real. I think we have all seen it.

Even just this summer, my own screen time doubled because of my crippling Instagram addiction. But the experience inspired me to put restrictions on my phone—the only apps available to me from 10 p.m. to 12 a.m. are essentially Messages, Google Maps and

forays

ings—operates entirely outside of the law. Is safety as those athletes understand it encoded in their rules and regulations?

Safe skydiving is in the middle of these zones. First a military maneuver, parachuting became a general sport when the first commercial drop zone opened in 1959. Advancements in safety technology such as Bill Booth’s three-ring release system and automatically-deploying parachutes have aided in its recreational accessibility. For tandem skydiving, as my mother and I would soon learn, the process is almost dubiously simple.

My mother and I entered a room with an instructional video looping on the screen where we were to sign our waivers. We were through very quickly, and a receptionist traded our packets for nametags for our instructors to identify us with. The video concluded with the actor smiling and telling us: “Welcome to the family.”

My tandem instructor was a man everyone in the hangar called “Joseph Goldenboy”—even the screen separating tandem students and instructors into diving groups read “GOLDENBOY, JOSEPH.” When he introduced himself to me, he omitted the epithet, but it would have been impossible to mistake him. Sporting a Hawaiian-print button up, athletic shorts and sunglasses while biting down on a toothpick, his confidence manifested in an almost casual affect.

A young man with a GoPro, responsible for the photo and video packages, seemed to know him well. Detecting or projecting some regular anxiety, he found me at the mats pri-

into

Moodle. Even with those limits, I still find myself scrolling on my laptop. My dependency was not magically cured. That said, more and more people are blocking Reels from their Instagram pages, using applications like SociaLite or are just deleting Instagram altogether. Vassar campus even has its own Luddite club, for those who have gone cold turkey on smart phone usage.

While regulations might be slow to roll out and ineffective, we are beginning to treat screen addictions more seriously as a society. Though we have always heard abstract advice—“phones are bad for you,” “step away from the TV,” “go touch grass,”— federal rulings like this one might help push a more united national movement against social media and its harms.

new

or to our jump to announce, “Don't worry, you're with Goldenboy. You'll be just fine.” It was not a neutralization of risk.

During freefall, you have passed the apex of danger. On the drive over I could have sat in the blindspot of a semi-truck without knowing it, and during the ascent, at any point, the engine could have blown out. The moment right before our jump was probably critical—Goldenboy removed his sunglasses and rolled his shorts down over his calves, and began fiddling with my harness—but I was not told why.

There is a particular order for the divers to jump: first the belly groups, free fly groups, tandem, then wingsuit. Out of the dozen or so people in the plane, I am one of three first-timers. The entire way up, I stared alternately out of the window or directly at the helmet of the diver in front of me, which was decorated with stickers. My favorite read, “JUMP SLUT.” The professional divers at the location we visited jump between eight and 13 times a day. “This is my coffee jump,” one of them joked. Close to the first round of dives, we all exchanged fist bumps around in the plane.

Through the goggles it was hard to catch anyone’s eye. I am certain I intercepted someone else’s high five.

The cabin began to thin out and I found myself moving in an awkward straddle-waddle forward on the bench, the ceiling too low to stand straight up. Suddenly, Goldenboy asked if I was ready. Understand that you are completely incompetent, entirely dependent

experience

upon your instructor; understand that for a practical purpose, you are a part of this.

Freefall is terrifying. I had expected my stomach might drop, like missing a step going down the stairs. That is not the case: There is no recovery, no place to land. I spend most of the time hoping for it to be over.

A minute later, it is over. The canopy extends over us and now we drift slowly, for four to five more minutes, toward the field.

Goldenboy wants to know how it was.

“Good?” I venture.

“Great!” As we descend, he shouts jubilantly, “That was awesome!”

On the ground, my mother had asked the diver with the camera if his job was harder than the tandem instructor’s. After a halfbeat of shocked laughter, he corrected, “His is way harder.” Instructors are often jumping with people who are doing this for the first time, who could react in any of a million unexpected ways.

A skydiver must jump 200 times on their own before they are allowed to bring a camera and 500 times before they can become a tandem instructor. I ask Goldenboy how he got started with this.

His ex-girlfriend bought him a package as a present, and he liked it enough to do it again.

“Same as you,” Goldenboy says.

We descend, moment by moment, and I wonder if only I am processing the rush from a successful foray into a new experience. Every one of these professional jumpers has, at some point, experienced this vertigo.

The difference is a matter of habit.

Image courtesy of Jay Fu '28.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

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September 10, 2026

Skate

punk

Jared Palumbo Columnist

T

he sounds of distorted guitars and whiny vocals shot through the air.

Through a chain-link fence I saw a stage no bigger than a car, surrounded by a small, scattered crowd of punks and skaters. I searched for an entrance. It was a hot summer day—89 degrees and humid—and I was already sweating. After much searching, I found a way in: a path a half mile walk from where I had parked. The walk took me past the large Kia dealership that made a direct entrance impossible. Once I went around it, I could finally make my way to the source of the music: the skatepark.

is

alive

of punk music for most of my life, but rarely had the opportunity to engage at a local level. Most of my punk concerts had been national touring acts, so I wanted to get a feel for what punk music was like a little closer to home.

Circling the park, vendors were selling wares: Each band had its own merch tent and many vendors sold clothing,art prints and posters. One tent was exclusively stacks of CDs and vinyl records with a paper plate reading “Cool Stuff” taped to the canopy.

On the other side of the park, a person in a banana suit going by “Yellow” bartered for goods and gave away free bananas.

The band onstage—called 2/14—finished their set and the crowd thinned. The emcee

at

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the

skatepark

Bands like Blink-182, New Found Glory and television shows like “Total Request Live”— all mentioned as influences by the artists present at the event I attended—were all over the late 1990s and early 2000s. While punk’s prevalence has faded since then, society’s predescribed pathway has not stopped people from choosing their own way. There will always be artists.

By day, Jacob Russell, whom I approached after seeing him play, is a tattoo artist from South Windsor, Connecticut. However, he brings his artistry wherever he goes. “You can be creative with everything. Cover art, lyrics, it’s the same thing,” he said. His band, Solgyres, plays a unique blend of so many styles I cannot name them all. They are a nine-member band and the only group that could not fit all its members onto the stage. Their second percussionist and two horn players had to stand on the grass in front of the stage. Their style is a reflection of the cumulative creative power of all their members. “We all listen to everything from punk, jazz, reggae, hip hop,” Russell said, “It’s kind of an amalgamation of everything we like.” While I was there, Solgyres filmed a music video for an upcoming song, putting another part of their creativity on display.

When punk culture is a refuge for so many people, creating a space for the art is as important as the art itself. Russell spoke of how difficult it was to keep these spac-

es afloat. “Trying to keep places all-ages is tough,” he said. “And half the DIY spaces get shut down within a year.”

This struggle was echoed by Jimmy Barbetti, organizer of the event and, lead singer and guitarist of Scooped Up. “We had nowhere to play,” he explained. “Everything was closed, so we just played at the park.

There was usually like 30 people here anyway, so we played for those 30 people. We kept doing that and it’s grown and grown over the years, along with our band. Now we just throw these huge events. We’ve been throwing them at this scale for the past three years.”

Despite his band having a merch table, profit was the last thing on Barbetti’s mind.

The show was free to attend and for all ages.

There were cases of free bottled water to keep people safe from the hot day, and Barbetti planned to give away 15 skateboards to people in the crowd. The event ran from noon until around 8 p.m., and 10 bands played.

Such a large bill allowed lesser-known bands to play for fans of the others, giving them an opportunity hard to find at for-profit clubs booking three bands a show. “It’s all for the community,” Barbetti said, and it showed.

Whether you are a wayward wanderer like Carlson, a fusion creative like Russell or a skater shooting the breeze on a summer Saturday, a place for you lives on at the skatepark.

Jared Palumbo/The Miscellany News.

A menagerie of misfits stood before me.

Nearly everyone in the crowd wore clothing from their favorite artists, from The Strokes to Pachinko to Mest. The brunt of the crowd was in their late-teens or twenties, but I also saw young kids with their parents. Some in the crowd bobbed their heads to the band onstage, some formed small mosh pits, while some skated with the music in the background. A few times, groups of friends gathered by the stage so one lucky friend could crowd-surf. One group carried a cardboard sign emblazoned with “Band member wanted. Must live close.” They were still waving that sign around hours later when I left.

I had discovered the event through a chance Instagram recommendation and, despite the hour-long drive to Milford, Connecticut, decided to attend. I had been a fan

instructed everyone to stay outside for the next band: Don’t Go Outside.

“The first time I ever got in a practice room in a basement with two of my friends in high school, I was just like, ‘Yeah. This is it. This is the only thing I’ve ever liked to do,’” Sky Carlson, lead singer and guitarist of 2/14, and New York City native, told me.

He appeared nervous when I spoke to him, clutching his arms and hardly meeting my eyes. This was unlike his stage persona, where he sang and screamed without hesitation. His comfort while performing makes sense: music, more than anything, is his lifeblood. “Go through school,” he said, “You don’t actually want to do it. You just live for the stage.”

Twenty years ago, people like Carlson had a strong foothold in mainstream culture.

Jared Palumbo/The Miscellany News.

Image courtesy of Luke Jenkins '26.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR

Page 10

September 10, 2026

Breaking News

From the desk of Josie Wenner, Humor Editor

Following Street Eats switch, Deece goes breakfast only Vassar replaces toilet paper with 80 grit sandpaper Mark Skid

Toilet Truther

O

n Friday, July 25, while most students were returning to their summer cottages from their gruelling 11-to-3s at their parent’s biotech/art gala startups, the Vassar Board of Maintenance (BM), headed by President Elizabeth Bradley, convened to discuss upcoming campus-wide changes to student facilities for the following year. Many topics are as of yet unresolved, such as mold cultures in the Raymond ceilings, asbestos is the Raymond drywall and leaks in the Raymond plumbing.

However, no decision was quite as consequential as the procurement of new toilet paper for bathrooms across campus. Much deliberation was had to resolve one of, if not the most, pressing issue facing the Vassar student body: anus sanitation. The conclusion of these talks, a bold and controversial new direction: installment of 80 grit sandpaper rolls in place of sanitary tissue.

Initially, the BM had elected for a smooth, 100 grit sandpaper to be used. However, they eventually settled on the coarser, budgetarily practical 80 grit sandpaper, given its exemplary sanitation capabilities, in even the most stubborn cases. Many students have voiced suspicions that it was the allocation of majority facility funds to Sensi-tush™, triple-ply, ultra-soft, lotion-max toilet paper sent to President Bradley’s Berkshire estate that forced this decision. When asked about these theories, Bradley declined to comment..

Since returning to school, many students have found the transition to 80 grit abrupt. “It

was a shock to the system,” said Caden Dillard ’29. “I just grabbed a strip to wrap up. Didn’t even notice the damage until it was too late.”

Dillard added, “I don’t want to use the same stuff down there that I could use to take the paint off my car—a convertible, by the way.”

“Vassar students need to learn that they are not here for bodily comfort,” said Vice President of the BM, Preston Stotsworth. “They come here to build character in strict conditions.” Setting his martini down on a coaster

before retiring beneath his cashmere throw blanket, Stotsworth refused to comment further.

With this decision comes the emergence of new student advocacy groups, such as the Aggravated Student Society. Their chants of “end the grit” can be heard from the BM meeting room. Under pressure, the BM took the possibility of deploying 60 grit sandpaper off the table as a “placating compromise.” This has not seemed to quell student voices, and

the Aggravated Students remain resolute on “shining a light where the sun don’t shine.”

Of course, there was the issue of how the sandpaper should be cut, given the lack of serrated edges on the newly installed toilet paper dispensers. The BM issued a memo that it is to be expected students bring a pair of scissors or X-Acto Knife into the bathroom with them in order to slice an appropriate amount of sandpaper for the job at hand. This has been met with sweeping backrash.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR

September 10, 2026

Pyromancer Laufey the Just

Golden Hand of the Jötnar

P

rofessor Ruby Holiday, who teaches the seminar PYRO 319: “Fire: Our Hearts, Minds, and Breath,” has deigned to hold an exclusive interview with The Miscellany News about the recent President Bradley-themed fireworks show. The show, which concluded with a large bust of President Bradley inciting a conflagration that spread over Rocky, the Library and Raymond, burning all three buildings down to a crisp, has been the subject of much campus gossip. In the latest Sunday Email, the President denied any responsibility, writing that if she did harbor a strong, obsessive desire to destroy all three buildings, rebuilding Raymond would certainly be easier than renovating it anyways, so “[students] might as well take what [they] can get.” In addition, she mentioned that paying a sum of money over $300,000 to perform unauthorized acts of arson is something she would never do—in the past, she has always kept herself to a strict limit of $299,999.30. The President closed by writing that the last Sunday Email image, which had been correctly guessed to be the recently added Loeb piece “Exploding Raymond,” was a “complete coincidence.”

Regardless of the President’s statements, The Miscellany News’ truly inflammatory interview with Holiday offers bombshells even the coolest readers will find intriguing. The interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

Ruby Holiday: Most people believe that fire is the element of breath, or that fire is a spiritual object, whose existence is tied

Your

ignites

to the nature of the world—that is, all fires must wane over time, and all pyromancers must wane too. Or, they believe that there is a fire within all of us, and that anyone can unlock the gift. I’ve even heard of some people who believe that trauma can extinguish that fire forever. The truth is, all of these beliefs are a little right. But they’re also very wrong.

The Misc: How so?

RH: Fire exists within all of us, but to use it consciously must be taught. Everyone has pectoral muscles, but only some people can flex them, right? Yet fire is used regardless. Have you ever felt yourself burning up when stressed? That’s your inner fire feeding on you because it has nothing else to nourish itself with. Anyways, I taught four administrative members how to control the fire of their souls: President Bradley, Dean Luis Inoa, Jacqueline Perez and Rich Horowitz. Also John Bradley, but he’s legally considered President Bradley, so I don’t count him.

M: Are you expecting us to… figure out who did it?

RH: Yes. Let’s examine the clues. Rich Horowitz has always despised Raymond.

Think about it: His inbox must be clogged all the time, just like the 2 South bathroom! He would like nothing more than to destroy it utterly, so he can rebuild it into his ultimate vision: the Center for Student Living, where students can manually bring their grievances and submit them to the Student Wellness Department.

M: But wouldn’t that complicate the process?

RH: Exactly. And by removing the unequivocally most hellish dorm, he’ll also

friends

Anthony Rosenthal Broadway hopeful

O

n Saturday, “Your Show” had its final performance in The Mug, attracting an audience of 146 people and concluding your theatrical career at Vassar. Acquaintances and parents of company members attended, as well as your friends, and the event concluded with enthusiastic hugs and warm compliments, followed by an enjoyable Deece.

However, based on recent reports from a group chat that you’re not in, it turns out that your friends, unfortunately, did not like it. Not one bit. Not even a smidge. Or a hair.

Or an atom of a hair. (Ad infinitum.) It’s unfortunate. It wasn’t the worst thing they ever saw, but it definitely could’ve been better.

While they’re not sure how much credible weight their opinions have, they’re still sure that your piece did not cater to their aesthetic sensibilities in any way, shape or form. Here at the Misc, we have come up with a few theories as to why.

Bradley

didn't

Finally, Theory #3 Maybe you’re just not as good as you thought you were. Maybe you’re just bad.

Though another theory (Theory #4) suggests that there was a kind of personal bias, that’s kind of a closed-minded and arrogant way to view the situation. Since the psychology of your friends can’t definitively be studied—we don’t have licensed psychologists or MRI machines (yet)—this theory can’t be tested, so we believe that it’s best if you just disregard copium and live with the harsh reality.

The point is, it wasn’t good (in their opinion). They obviously didn’t want to tell you, because they love you and want you to feel

Page 11

firework

controversy

massively decrease the number of student complaints. It’s a win-win.

M: Do you have any hypotheses as to where the displaced students will be moved?

RH: They will probably have to live in Jewett. Or in one of the THs, which Vassar can charge extra on. Now, who runs Student Financial Services?

M: Jacqueline Perez. But isn’t that illegal? And won’t the destruction of the Library and Rocky demand millions of dollars in reconstruction?

RH: This is all Vassar College property.

And by burning money this way, Vassar College has made way for a permanent tuition increase. Think! Do you really think Vassar needs to charge you $150,000 per semester for tuition! Why else would it increase so much? [shocked gasps] M: But what about the Dean? He doesn’t have a motive.

RH: Hmm. You’re right. He doesn’t have a motive as of now. But a few years ago…

[A sepia tone gains prominence.]

M: What is that?

RH: Oh. Sorry. Ignore that. I tend to do that whenever I have to give presentations in lecture. I guess sometimes it just happens by accident. Let me fix that real quick…

[The sepia tone fades away.]

M: No, no, it’s fine.

[The sepia tone multiplies. A sepia spouse can be heard, as well as a sepia pet, and several sepia children. If one listens closely, one can also hear a sepia grandparent baking cookies.]

RH: Alright. As I was saying… a few years ago, the Dean and I were on a walk,

when he tripped down the stairs of Rocky.

He swore vengeance, and I could see his inner fire burning in his eyes. A few months ago, he became secluded, and would no longer show up to faculty-admin tea parties. Where, yes, we all do gossip about our least favorite students. But he didn’t show up to the parties anymore. Whenever I would see him, I could see he had this sort of sickness about him. He was obsessed with something…and he kept muttering about renovation. It was about this time he approached me, and asked to learn my arts.

Naturally, I obliged. He learned quickly.

[One can suddenly hear a busy street, and on the streets are passing, to and fro, kaleidoscopic colors. As they pass, one can hear their names and see their color, and the color of their progeny, and of their progeny’s progeny. Master and pupil are training together, learning how to fear and love the flame. The sounds are rich and flicker like fire.

Suddenly, there’s an angry merchant kaleidoscope. He angrily flashes and demands payment for the tesseract he gave you, as a mob of sound and light can be felt. Run! Quickly! You’re being cornered. Escape!

Stop listening—!]

At press time, in addition to the mysterious outbreak of Non-Disclosure Agreements among our best reporters, The Miscellany News wishes to report that the entire administration of Vassar College has been declared legally President Bradley, and therefore it is uninvestigatable. Thus, no matter how much the evidence points to the entire operation being one incredibly cliché “Orient Express” rip-off, the identity of the culprit remains a mystery.

like

'Your

good about yourself. That, or they just don’t respect you enough. But they think that you’re sometimes capable of mediocrity, and you weren’t doomed to fail from the start (unless Theory #3 really is correct—again, we really can’t know). Maybe they’ll come around later to your style, though it is unlikely, as they’ve been curating their tastes since the beginning of their adolescence and don’t expect to change any time soon. Either you have to change, or they’ll just never like the things you do, and that would be fine! (Still crushing.)

An important reminder is that their opinions are only opinions and aren’t an objective

Show'

fact about your value as an artist or person.

However, the subjective opinions they harbor have changed the way they see you. Now, when they look at you, they’ll remember that time you put them through what felt like centuries of boredom, and maybe they’ll have to exchange a knowing look with each other as a means of coping. If you don’t notice it, you’ll never know they feel this way, which will make your ego feel good, but also might mean you’ll be motivated to make something in the future that will put them through the same kind of hell. It’s sort of a lose-lose situation where no one wins.

Anyway, at least you tried.

Theory #1 The times. Maybe you’re just out of step with them. Your mind is outdated and whatever you contributed to this show made that perfectly visible. The humor didn’t land as a result, or the message was no longer relevant.

They could’ve even been politically offended.

Theory #2 Something got lost in the execution. Like, you were so close, but just fell short. Maybe if you did one thing different, or that thing…

Ah, but what’s done is done. The harm is irreversible.

Image courtesy of Violetta Rohr ’30.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR

Page 12

September 10, 2026

Rochester is the most wretched hive of scum and villainy Aidan Dombrosky Human Disaster

W

hat you are about to read is a true story.

In no way is this account embellished or extorted, fabricated or falsified, contrived or otherwise dubiously concocted for entertainment purposes. All information contained within is factual and presented chronologically, as it transpired. It is my belief that no hyperbole of the human mind could ever encapsulate the sheer volume of buffoonish hijinks endured by any one individual in the city of Rochester, New York, on his way to a physics conference during the fateful weekend of April 17, 2026…

Aidan vs. Research Funding It is three hours before the last train to Rochester starts its journey northward. I am broke and blind, and the gods of Vassar research and travel funds have withheld their heavenly finances. I am sweating like a sinner in church.

There’s a pile of bitten-off fingernails at my feet threatening to need its own postal code.

Time passes, my hairline recedes and I have no more fingernails. Money is not coming, but I must embark. I whip out my card, secure a hotel room and train tickets and return my card to my desk drawer. Thirty minutes later, I am $600.35 in debt and on Amtrak’s Lake Shore Limited. Rochester is within my grasp.

Aidan: 1 | Rochester: 0 Aidan vs. the Amish I must preface by stating that I love the Amish. Rather, I love to observe the Amish, emboldened by nine-year-old me’s brilliant ruse to woo women by reciting “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “Amish Paradise” at recess. After hitting Albany, our train picks up about 30 Amish people en route to Toledo, Ohio. This is a classic sight. What I have never seen, however, is an Amish baby.

There is an Amish baby sitting four rows ahead of me, looking back at me with its fat cheeks stained with what I presume is Amish applesauce. This baby is loving the ride, and I am loving messing with her. I discovered, through a methodically executed game of peek-a-boo, that object permanence is a fairly new concept to this cherub. I am actively gaslighting this Amish baby into thinking that I am disappearing and reappearing like Harry Houdini in this train car. She is loving it.

Whoa, there, tiger, easy on the applesauce.

She spits up.

Her parents are not amused. I get shot a glare of a thousand hand-whittled daggers from her father. I cease peek-a-boo operations and return to my silence. Goodbye, Amish baby, have fun in Toledo, Ohio.

Aidan: 1 | The Amish: 1 | Rochester: 0 Aidan vs. Rochester Nightlife I disembark my beautiful, safe, warm train and take the first confident step along my 11-minute trek to the Downtown Rochester Wyndham Hotel. It is important to note here that I have never done crack cocaine.

After about 26 confident paces, a lovely gentleman approaches me and extends his palm with a Ziploc bag enclosed. A bag of crack cocaine. “Wow!” I exclaim internally, “Crack cocaine!” I have never seen crack cocaine, but I cannot let the gentleman know this because I am cool. I politely decline his gracious offer with a wag of my finger.

I beat on, my little boat against the current of the Genesee River, borne back ceaselessly into the past. At a river crossing, I am approached once again by Rochester residents.

This time, two drag queens: Miss Appropriation and Larry. My night, or rather my morning, is completely made. Thank you,

Larry and Miss Appropriation, for the lovely nods along my way as you passed by me on the sidewalk, and for not making fun of my distended backpack with my quantum computing research poster bulging out like a construction zone hazard flag. I will always remember you two.

Aidan: 2 | Rochester: 1

to the cold servers of a robotic chatbot to let me avoid overdraft fees. Eventually, I prevail over the robots.

“I have the money now, Janice,” I retort. I pay, I receive my keycard and I begin a walk of shame up to my room. But at least I have a room. Things are looking up.

Aidan: -3.14 | Rochester: 4

Aidan vs. the Mud After meeting some of the nocturnal residents of Rochester, I cross the river. Perchance, you have heard of Washington leading his battalion across the Delaware on Christmas Day? That, dear reader, is how I felt. Except that Washington wasn’t going to a physics conference; he was going to war. The city of Rochester, at this point in the night, has decided to declare war on me. SCHLIPP! KRAKOW! I find myself falling. Legs uprooted from below my waist, turned toward the sky, I take a generational tumble to the cold, hard asphalt.

Except it’s not so hard. It’s mushy and gushy— smushy, even. I have slipped and fallen into a pit of mud. Goodbye to my eggshell-colored shorts; they are brown now, brown like poop.

Damn you, mud. Damn you, Rochester.

Aidan: -1 | Rochester: 2

Aidan vs. the Keurig Entering the room, I am greeted by a beautifully set bed, a television set with the Rochester local news blaring at a volume that, if I had to guess, is not a multiple of five. I am relieved. So relieved, in fact, that I will celebrate with a piping cup of decaf coffee from the inroom Keurig machine. I fill the single-serve apparatus with Rochester tap water of the finest quality, load the K-Cup into the receptacle and program the machine to “Brew.” It just so happens that when affixing the pod into its welcoming cradle, I jostle the water container just enough to loosen its lid. Water is heating up, gurgling.

“That’s a lot of noise, damn.” I’m alone, so I can swear for real now.

BUBBLE, BUBBLE, GURGLE-SPLASH Boiling water, the temperature of a small main-sequence star, comes bursting from the Keurig and onto my person.

“Ow.” Aidan: -106 | Rochester: 5

Aidan vs. the Wyndham Hotel I arrive at the Downtown Rochester Wyndham Hotel. I am wet, cold and covered in mud, but I have a gumption behind my eyes, a swagger in my walk, a cut to my jib and a deep desire to pass out on anything that resembles a bed. The lobby is crowded for 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday. People are splayed out, parents are on phones, there is yelling, there is groaning.

A man with a guitar weeps in the corner. I approach the front desk.

“We’re overbooked. We can’t help you tonight.”

The man at the desk looks at me with such great indifference that my gumption, my swagger, my muddy trousers all fall away into the abyss. All I can feel is a cold, bony hand on my shoulder. The Grim Reaper. He’s here for me. I found hell, and it’s Rochester, New York.

Aidan: -10 | Rochester: 3 Aidan vs. Janice Retreating to stage left, I call Janice at the Rochester Downtown Hilton Garden Inn. Janice shares her deepest condolences that the Wyndham Rochester Downtown has overbooked me with a warm greeting: “The hell do you want?”

“I’d like to book a room for the next two nights.”

“Yeah, we got rooms. Just get here in the next 10 minutes.”

Noted, Janice. I book it out of the Downtown Rochester Wyndham Hotel at top speed. I make it to the Hilton Garden Inn in eight minutes—take that, Janice.

I bound into a barren lobby; Janice is seated behind the desk, asleep. “Where the flip is everybody?” I ask myself, sparing profanity, because I am a polite young man. Janice comes to, and I ask what the urgency was. Janice replies, “I was just messing with you.”

“What the fuck, Janice?” This time, I curse.

Not to Janice, of course, but in my head.

Damn you, Janice. Damn you, Rochester.

Going to pay, I reach into my pocket only to find a gaping credit-card-sized hole. The usual resident of that now-void space in my mudstained shorts is seated happily in my desk drawer at home.

I stand in front of Janice, trembling. “Please excuse me.”

I retreat to the side of the desk to deliver a somber soliloquy to the Chase Bank AI Assistant, pleading for a transfer of funds, sobbing

Aidan vs. a Crotch Stain I am a little burnt and a lot sore from this interaction with the Keurig, so I give up on the coffee, knowing that there will be vats of it waiting for me tomorrow at the University of Rochester. Everything is peachy. We’re A-OK, and we made it to a room! Now, I decide I should unpack my belongings. I’ll prepare my darling outfit for tomorrow. How about that?

While the train ride was far from turbulent, it seems that somewhere between my tumble in the mud and sprint across Downtown Rochester, a biblical flood had been released in my bag. The meager floodgates of a plastic gravity-fed curl cream bottle have given way to the powers that be. My dress pants, specifically the crotch area, have been obliterated. Once beige chinos are now a fecal-accident brown, inundated with Hydrogenated Castor Oil, stained permanently. Better than the mud, at least.

Aidan: -1023 | Rochester: 6 Aidan vs. Sleep It is past 2 a.m., and the only thing on my mind is sleep. I set my alarms for 6 a.m. for my call time at 8 a.m., plug in my devices to the room’s outlets, draw my shades, slip into curlcream-soaked pajamas and crawl into bed.

The journey seems a distant nightmare—the scoreboard of this proverbial Thunderdome match is wiped clean, and my tally resets to zero. Goodnight to this room. Goodnight to this terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.

And good-freaking-night to Rochester.

Aidan: 0 | Rochester: 0 Aidan vs. Wall Outlets A shaft of blazing sunlight beams through the shades. Rochester’s avian population scores the soundtrack to a peaceful morning.

I am so well-rested. Too well-rested. I look for a clock. The clock connected to the room's outlets is dead. Crud. I search blindly without my glasses for my cell phone; it’s dead. Crap.

I fumble through the bedside drawer for my watch; it reads 10:30 a.m. Holy fuck.

Aidan: -(I’ve lost count) | Rochester: 1,000,000 Aidan vs. the Conference In a flurry of panicked dressing, I tear myself out of my pajamas, don my darling outfit,

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

grab my poster and race to the street below.

An Uber driver named Boris picks me up. God bless Boris. The conference began at 8 a.m. I am two and a half hours late. May I reiterate a previous point: Holy fuck. Inshallah, I will make it to this conference. If it’s the last thing I ever do, then so be it, but I march in, poster in hand.

In what seems to be another God-given miracle (the first was Boris), the University welcomes me and allows me to host my presentation. I am forever indebted to the scheduling flexibility of the University of Rochester’s Physics Department. Some hope is restored. The conference comes and goes, research is presented, free cookies are stashed in my pocket. I am weary, but there is a fire in my bones. A fire with the desire to set the city of Rochester ablaze. But I am Zen. The worst is behind me…

Aidan: -1023 | Rochester: 1,000,000 Aidan vs. Rain The conference passes, and I decide to decompress from my misadventures with a walk. A scenic, three-mile walk along the river from the University of Rochester back to Downtown. It is about the 20-minute mark of the journey when the sky darkens, and the heavens above Rochester decide I’m having just a bit too decent of a time. KABOOM Thunder claps, ringing throughout the small, stupid land of Rochester, and out from the once clear skies come torrents of rain.

Rain from every direction. Rain from above, from the sides, somehow from below. The entire city is engulfed in falling water, almost as if to say, “Time for a shower, stinky boy.” The city of Rochester is laughing at me. With the one shred of dignity I have left, I keep on.

Aidan: - ∞ | Rochester: 1,000,000,000 Aidan vs. Rain, Now with Dinosaur BarB-Que By the time I reach the Downtown Rochester Hilton Garden Inn, I am soaked to my bone marrow. I look up from my downturned head to see my snickering greeter at the front desk—it’s Janice. I pay her no mind because all that I can mind is my current, unending wetness. Ta-ta, Janice.

Reaching my room, I dry myself off and start to plan the ultimate quest of the day: dinner. My stomach yearns for Dinosaur BarB-Que, and so I go out once more to brave the journey to sweet, sweet ribs and half a chicken, an order that I place online. Drenched in my own shame, but driven by a deeper, gastronomical force, I make it to the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que after 15 minutes of walking.

My order has been forgotten. An hour passes before the angelic smoker voice of a 50-something-year-old lady named Edna graces my ears with the beckoning of my name. Finally, food has arrived. I tie up the flimsy plastic bag and head back into the rain.

It is, somehow, raining harder now, so hard that the rain makes my grip on the frail bag susceptible to slippage. FLOOP The bag slips out of my hand and opens to the elements. I gather the handles of the bag and look up only to find a small trio of Amish people staring at me. They are across the street, high and dry under a comically-oversized, three-person umbrella. I watch as they snicker at me. My opinion of the Amish has been tainted.

Getting back to my room, I open the waterlogged bag of barbecue, ready to make Denethor, Steward of Gondor’s feast look like a private school kid’s dainty little clementine-and-cheesestick snacktime. I look into the bag in horror—they forgot my cornbread.

Damn you, Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. Damn you, Amish. Damn you, Rochester.

Aidan: K.O. | The Amish: 2 | Rochester: + ∞

OPINIONS

September 10, 2026

Trump

is

ruining

Ian Watanabe Opinions Editor

I

t is no secret that things in this country are too expensive. House prices are rising due to tight supply, the energy grid is overworked and in need of expansion, and the cost of a new car continues to climb. More steel would fix this. The United States has long prided itself on a robust steel industry that has supplied itself and the world with quality metal. While China, according to a graph by Visual Capitalist, currently has the United States beat by 878.8 million tons a year, politicians and voters in both parties have advocated for a return to the days when U.S. factories reigned supreme, and foreign markets bowed down to us.

This vision is not a hollow dream. There are ways for U.S. steel production to return, reach new markets and even reduce emissions in the process. However, President Donald Trump and the ruling Republican Party have pursued policies that hurt American industry.

So how can we compete? The biggest piece of the puzzle is the electric arc furnace (EAF). Steel was created in blast furnaces for most of industrial history. Coal and natural gas were burned, producing tons of carbon emissions. However, around the turn of the 21st century, the EAF was adopted. Although they are extremely expensive to build in the short term, these machines can produce the same quality of steel at lower financial and environmental costs.

EAFs are becoming a national advantage for our steel industry. EAFs are responsible for the production of 70 percent of the United States’ steel industry, the largest share in the world. We have the capacity to produce a lot of low-carbon steel. Beyond domestic markets, this can be an advantage interna-

the

tionally. At the start of 2026, the European Union (EU)’s Carbon Border Adjustment Mechanism (CBAM) went into full effect, which taxes any imported goods that generate carbon emissions in their production.

This development on its own does not affect our steel industry in a major way, since EU exports do not make up a majority of the market. However, Canada has a much more environmentally conscious government than ours, and they are currently debating creating their own equivalent to CBAM. Canada is a significantly larger trading partner than the EU, because it is cheaper to transport steel overland than to ship it.

Canada’s adoption of any carbon-based tariffs may have a greater chance of forcing U.S. steelmakers to reduce carbon emissions in their own steel production. If America minimized its steel emissions, Canadian carbon tariffs would lock out other nations who have lower capabilities and privilege our steel exports.

America’s ability to thrive in the steel market currently faces hurdles, the first being tariffs. Trump has promised that tariffs would bring back manufacturing, and while this is true for some factories—including a Hyundai steel plant in 2025—this arrangement is not good for American manufacturing in the long run. Trump has insisted, despite Supreme Court rulings, on putting tariffs on every country. The administration has tariffed Canadian cars, car parts and steel by 50 percent, while Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has matched these tariffs “dollar for dollar” as of Sept. 8. These taxes are enforced every time the goods cross the border, which often occurs multiple times during production. If one of our biggest trade partners cannot buy our steel, then what is the point of building anything?

The other hurdle is that under Trump,

great

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economic

America has not demonstrated any impetus towards building any green infrastructure.

For instance, the federal government’s reaction to CBAM was not to invest in low-carbon technology, but to propose its own carbon tariffs with a main focus on protectionism rather than the environment or long-term trade viability. It is also important to note that EAFs are not magic and do not reduce emissions on their own. They draw power from electricity instead of coal, but if that electricity is coming from natural gas or coal plants, the emissions are merely from the power grid. Under President Joe Biden, there was substantial investment in power grid modernization and decarbonization, which included more offshore wind and solar projects.

"If America minimized its steel emissions, Canadian carbon tariffs would lock out other nations who have lower capabilities and privilege our steel exports."

However, Trump has been overtly hostile to alternative green energy, cutting Bidenera projects in blue states last October, and even paying $4 billion to wind companies not to build. At this stage, solar and wind power remain cheaper than natural gas and coal. Not investing in them is not only a middle finger to the environment, but to the consumer.

While “climate” is a dirty word in Republican circles, this is not to say that green innovation has ground to a halt. Since taking office, Trump has issued an executive order

comeback

speeding up the permitting of hyperscale data centers to support artificial intelligence development and compete with China.

These data centers are very unpopular, for reasons I have gone over in a previous article. Since the article’s publication a year ago, backlash has pushed politicians in both parties to promise that data centers will be made to fund their own power supply.

This summer, while working in the Senate, I attended a hearing of the directors of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission. Both Democrat and Republican members acknowledged that action must be taken to increase the supply of energy, lest the wrath of ratepayers fall on them. Democrats were insistent that wind and solar power should be utilized to bring down costs. Technology companies, though very cozy with Trump, are also businesses that wish to cut as many costs as possible. This situation is not ideal, because the government ought to subsidize clean energy directly. Data centers carry high environmental costs that are left unaddressed. I hate to say this, but in the same way that mass death in World War I led to advances in medicine, the data center frenzy may lead to advances in cheaper, cleaner power.

The steel industry’s quagmire is a microcosm of Trump’s business ineptitude. If his goals were to lower costs, compete with China and bring back domestic manufacturing, then he deserves an F. Trade with our best markets is now prohibitively expensive, and long-term modernization investments have been axed based on conspiracy theories.

While data centers could theoretically drive innovation, time will tell of the damage done to communities and the environment.

Thanks to mismanagement, the Trump administration has made our path to industry dysfunctional and unstable.

Queer community: we are enforcing gender norms Selene Shan

Guest Columnist

I

f you have been involved in queer culture enough, you have likely heard the term “egg” before. For the uninitiated, an “egg” is what people call someone who does not know that they themself are transgender. Without that person saying they are trans, accusations of being an egg are often based on a few facts about them. People declaring they wish they were born another gender, wanting to dress in clothes that do not necessarily conform with one’s gender identity or even something like hair length can get someone called an egg. This conveys that someone must be trans because their actions or preferences do not match the ones tied to their gender identity. This action, while seemingly harmless, reinforces stereotypical ideas about how one should act based on their gender. If we wish to avoid perpetuating preexisting gender norms, we cannot continue this behavior.

When first learning about gender identity, a common lesson is that the gender spectrum has far more categories than just “man” and “woman.” Additionally, the difference between presentation and identity is a relatively crucial lesson. This idea is easiest explained with the concept of “tomboys”—which most people are no doubt familiar with from childhood—but examples of people who go against their gender identity’s presentation also include femboys, butches, twinks and a variety of other classifications. Gender presentation and identity are separate and, while they may be related, gender identity is by no means a guarantee of presentation.

A key thing to keep in mind is that calling someone an egg is something almost entirely done by members of the queer community, usually by transgender people themselves.

Oftentimes, it comes from recognizing some of the same thoughts and behaviors we, as trans people, held before transitioning. This eagerness to designate someone as an egg, however, often becomes an enforcement of gender norms within the queer community.

In our eagerness to provide help and understanding to people if and when they begin questioning, we reinforce stereotypes about how people should act with regard to their gender identity. Using the term egg for someone just because their behavior does not conform to the ones expected of them serves only to reinforce cisnormative ideas of how people should act in accordance with their gender.

As I alluded to earlier, there are a variety

"In our eagerness to provide help and understanding to people if and when they begin questioning, we reinforce stereotypes about how people should act with regard to their gender identity." of factors that may result in someone being called an egg. In this piece I will be focused on small violations of conventional gender

norms that elicit such a response. In my experience I have seen accusations of being an egg for numerous reasons; for men, it includes things like shaving body hair, not being assertive, speaking quietly, liking the color pink and even saying they are gay. For women, examples include things like preferring pants, not liking dolls and being considered “one of the guys.”

This issue, while seemingly quite harmless, comes with potential damage to how we see gender. The major threat of calling someone an egg is discrediting someone’s gender identity by perpetuating ideas of what someone should be. One example is someone who identifies as a femboy—a person who identifies as a man but acts or dresses in ways associated with femininity—being called an egg by trans women. This declaration is not out of malice; many trans people, including myself, have gone through a phase of identifying as a femboy rather than transgender.

In an attempt to recognize steps in our own transition journeys, the community manages to discredit very real gender identities and expressions. Just because trans women often identified as femboys during their questioning period does not mean that the reverse is true; not all people who identify as femboys are trans women. In reality, this trend reinforces the notion that someone who identifies as a man cannot be feminine, and thus anyone who is effeminate is not a real man.

As explained above, the term “egg” is one that frequently ends up connecting gender identity and expression in a way that violates the idea that the two are unrelated. As much as it is wrong to say someone is not a real

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

woman because they dislike skirts, it is wrong to say they are actually a man who has not realized it. While it seems clear-cut in the previous example, the use of the term “egg” has simply provided that statement a veil to hide behind–a barrier that often prevents people from understanding what their words mean within the wider context of gender expression.

The word egg does not inherently reinforce gender norms, but the carelessness with which it is thrown around largely serves to

"Instead of gender dictating how one should act, one’s behavior should dictate how they identify." discredit people whose gender expression does not match the societal expectations of their identity. Helping people explore their own gender identity is not something to be scorned, but it is the responsibility of the community at large to be careful with how they do so. If we continue on this path, we will simply arrive at the inverse of the relationship between gender identity and expression, which existed during a time when being queer was classified as a psychological issue. Instead of gender dictating how one should act, one’s behavior should dictate how they identify.

Therefore we must change how we act unless we wish to remake gender stereotypes under a queer-friendly disguise.

SPORTS

Page 14

September 10, 2026

Brewers Ballin': Medrano reaches 1,000 kills in weekend sweep Our goal with Brewers Ballin’ is to feature Vassar athletes who starred for their team the week previous to publishing.

If you would like to nominate an athlete, please email hkaplan@vassar.edu.

Brewers Ballin’ Name: Francesca Medrano Team: Women's Volleyball Year: Senior Stats: In just her third season, senior setter Francesca Medrano added her name to the Vassar record books this week, eclipsing the 1,000 career assist mark on Friday versus Rivier University.

Image courtesy of Francesca Medrano '27.

Last

week

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Statement: "Reaching 1,000 assists felt almost unimaginable when I joined the team because I thought I joined too late. However, my teammates, Coach Tyler and Coach Jess trusted me and it is because of them that I am celebrating this achievement."

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Womens Volleyball sweeps in opening weekend

Cross Country dominates at the Fred Pavlich invitational

Field Hockey goes 1-1 in tough weekend battle

After their tough loss against Sarah Lawrence last Tuesday, the Brewers definitely redeemed themselves. A whopping three sweeps over Rivier University, Clark University and Western Connecticut State University.

Women's cross country took first with four Brewers finishing in the top five. Men's cross country also had three Brewers in the top 10 resulting in a second place team finish.

On Friday, the Brewers posted a dominant 5-0 victory vs Vermont University- Castleton. Unfortunately on Sunday they dropped a heated double overtime thriller to SUNY Geneseo.

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Saturday 9/12: WTEN vs VC Scramble XC hosts Ron Stonitsch Invite 12PM: FH vs Wesleyan 3PM: MSOC vs Cortland

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September 10, 2026

Page 15

Kawhi Leonard and LA Clippers scandal shakes NBA Armaan Desai

Assistant Sports Editor

A

fter a yearlong investigation into the Los Angeles Clippers, their owner Steve Ballmer, star forward Kawhi Leonard and various business partners, the NBA handed out the most severe punishment we have seen in league history on September 2. The league found that the Clippers funneled millions of dollars in off-court endorsement money to Leonard to circumvent the salary cap, allowing them to allocate more money for other needs. How exactly did the Clippers do this, and what does this mean for their future?

The Scandal There have been reports for years that Leonard's uncle and business advisor, Dennis Robertson, sought extra benefits and endorsements from teams seeking to acquire Leonard in free agency of the 2019 season.

After a short investigation, the NBA deemed there was no clear evidence, but they would keep the case open.

Journalist Pablo Torre then reported a year ago that Aspiration, a tree planting service that counted Ballmer as one of its principal investors, had signed Leonard to a lucrative sponsorship deal in which he reportedly performed no work. Aspiration is now bankrupt, after subsequent investigations showed a secret $28 million endorsement deal that served as a “no-show” arrangement. The

Predicting Holland Kaplan Sports Editor

A

s September begins, the WNBA playoffs approach—also known as my favorite time of the year. As a very committed fan of the W, this season has been a rollercoaster as the league finishes its 30th season.

From crazy trades like Kelsey Plum going to the Phoenix Mercury to WNBA commissioner Cathy Engelbert retiring, I can say with full confidence that the playoffs will be an exhilarating ride after the regular season. Now that all teams have secured their sports in the post season, here are my candid predictions for how each team will do in their playoff run.

Minnesota Lynx The Lynx enter as the top seed for a clear reason. They currently have a record of 31 and 8, and have continued to show their fans and competitors why they are always at the top in the standings. Although they have dropped a couple of games to more physical teams like the Atlanta Dream and the Golden State Valkyries, I have full confidence that this is just a tough warm up for a championship in the near future.

Rookie point guard Olivia Miles has been nothing short of insane this year, and if the Lynx go all the way, she has a real shot at pulling off a Candace Parker-style Rookie of the Year and MVP double. She is averaging 19.7 points per game and six assists.

This is the revenge season for the Lynx after Napheesa Collier went down against the Phoenix Mercury in the semis last postseason. Watching the Lynx’s star forward come back like she never left has been so exciting and any viewer can tell she is hungry for a ring. If this team can stay healthy through October, I cannot see anyone stopping them.

Golden State Valkyries It feels wild that the Valkyries are the

deal was intended to circumvent the NBA’s salary cap while giving Leonard no official duties. This june, Aspiration’s cofounder Joe Sandberg was sentenced to 14 years in federal prison for running this fraud scheme against investors and lenders.

It was also found that some Aspiration officials initially did not want to “hire” Leonard, but were assured that they would be receiving additional investment from Ballmer and the Clippers. According to the NBA’s report, the Clippers also helped arrange similar deals with three other companies: Boingo Wireless, Daktronics and Lockton Insurance. In addition, the Clippers were found to have covered business expenses for Leonard that he should have covered himself.

Image courtesy of Erik S. Lesser.

The Punishment The NBA stripped the Clippers of five firstround draft picks. Ballmer was fined $30 million and was suspended from all team and league activities for one year. Clippers executives Lawrence Frank and Gillian Zucker were suspended without pay, for six months and one year, respectively. The league also banned Robertson from conducting NBA business for five years. Leonard himself was fined $700,000.

While these fines may seem unfathomable to us Vassar students, $30 million is unfortunately pocket change for Steve Ballmer, who is currently ranked 15th on the Forbes billionaires list. Ballmer, a former Microsoft CEO, is worth $152.4 billion dollars, so his

lifestyle will not be seriously affected. Leonard also makes $44 million yearly, so his fine is about a week of his salary.

The kicker is the actual punishment to the Clippers franchise. Five first-round draft picks is already an extreme haul, which is usually only ever in the news for blockbuster trades involving superstars. However, this is even worse for a team like the Clippers, given their recent trades of multiple draft picks.

After the Toronto Raptors won the 2019 NBA Championship, Finals MVP Leonard decided to sign with the LA Clippers on one condition: that they traded for MVP candidate Paul George. To secure two of the biggest stars in the league at the time, the Clippers sent an absolutely enormous package to the Oklahoma City Thunder, including five

the

WNBA

second seed in only their second year as a franchise. What makes them so dangerous is their relentless defense. They have quietly built the best defensive unit in the entire league. With the leadership from wing Gabby Williams and her defensive expertise, I think it is fair to say this team is a real contender. The one hole in their game is that they do not have a true go-to scorer to lean on when pressure gets high and possessions get tight—a setback that could be detrimental to their success during the playoffs.

I do not think they have enough offensive confidence to power through the Lynx if the two meet, but I would not be shocked if they make a strong run. Head Coach Natalie Nakase is my pick to win Coach of the Year after she has molded this team into a roster that looks like they have been playing together for years.

Mitchell is unstoppable. Clark is also in the conversation for MVP but somehow still finds a way to get doubted on a weekly basis, which at this point is kind of redundant after three successful seasons. The Fever currently lead the league in points per game, three-pointers made and field goal percentage as well. They have been on an absolute heater, stacking wins to hopefully get their first round of playoffs at home in Indiana.

Last postseason, this team pushed the Aces in Game 5 while incredibly injured, so it is exciting to imagine what a healthier, more experienced version of this roster can do.

If the shots continue to fall for Indiana, we could be looking at the potential champions for the 2026 season.

Las Vegas Aces The Aces come in as the third seed still carrying themselves like the defending champions they are. A’ja Wilson remains the most dominant force in the entire league on any given night. With Wilson, Chelsea Gray and Jackie Young leading the team, we could see the Aces make yet another legendary run. It is obvious that the team has the grit in their veins that pairs perfectly with their championship-level skill. They also have immense defensive presence: they lead the league in blocks per game with 4.9. I want to believe in the possibility of a repeat, but something about this version of the Aces feels slightly more mortal than last year, and I never like to see a team win twice.

Indiana Fever The Fever are back in the playoffs for the third straight season as the four seed, and this team feels a lot different compared to the one that got knocked out early last year.

The scoring duo of Caitlin Clark and Kelsey

Atlanta Dream The Atlanta Dream sits at the five seed heading into the playoffs, and I think they are a force to be reckoned with. Angel Reese, Rhyne Howard and Allisha Gray are a trio you cannot mess with when they get on a roll. Reese has put up historic numbers on the board this year, leading the league in rebounds with 12.4 per game. Howard also leads the league in three-pointers made per game with 3.3, and her calm confidence is definitely fueling this team. There is a real sense around this team that this is finally the year they break through to the finals.

They also just acquired veteran DeWanna Bonner from the Mercury, which should add further experience to their roster.

New York Liberty The Liberty clinched their sixth straight playoff appearance but landed at the sixth seed after a very up-and-down season. They started off hot, even while missing star guard Sabrina Ionescu, but ever since then, they have been out of talks for top seed contention. Their squad is full of championship blood with Breanna Stewart, Ionescu and Jonquel Jones. Their physical height is

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first round draft picks, two pick swaps, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander—who is now a two-time MVP, scoring champion, NBA champion and finals MVP—and Danilo Gallinari.

In the summer of 2019, the Clippers were hailed as LA’s number one team after decades of being in the Lakers’ shadow, and Leonard as the new “King of LA” after LeBron James signed with the Lakers the year prior. Since then, the Thunder have won a championship, the Los Angeles Lakers have won a championship and the Clippers have yet to even appear in the NBA Finals. Leonard has now cost the Clippers 10 first round picks, and has nothing to show for it. The Kawhi Leonard Clippers era will undoubtedly go down as one of the biggest fails in NBA history.

playoffs also undeniable, and when this team clicks, it is lethal. The problem that I foresee is that they are going to have to win on the road deep into the playoffs to make a real run, which is a much harder path compared to the past two seasons.

Washington Mystics Nobody outside of Washington, D.C. saw this coming, but I have to admit, the Mystics have become one of my favorite teams to watch. This young team is at the seven seed after what has been the feel-good story of the season. Their core, although very young, is out on the court looking like they have been in the league for years. Duo Sonia Citron and Kiki Iriafen have been keeping the team steady in just their second year in the W. They definitely do not have the star power like some of the teams in the playoffs, but their defense is undeniable. I do not expect a super deep run here, but the Mystics making the playoffs is a win in itself.

Dallas Wings The Wings have entered the playoffs for the first time since 2023, and honestly, I am impressed with what this team has accomplished this season. Despite losing rookie Azzi Fudd and Jessica Shepard for stretches of the season, they pulled through with their bench. Paige Bueckers has proven time and time again she is a reliable scorer and leader this team needs. I think the Wings have flashes of being scary in the next year or two, but right now I would be surprised if they beat the Lynx in the first round.

My final prediction is that this comes down to the Lynx and Aces in the finals. I am hoping the Lynx get the redemption story they have been chasing the past two years. Between Napheesa Collier’s health and Olivia Miles playmaking, I see the Lynx taking home the championship to cap off the WNBA’s 30th season.

GAMES

Page 16

September 10, 2026

The Miscellany Crossword Pardon my English By: Felix Mundy-Mancino

ACROSS 1. Pauses 6. Common musical key 10. New iPhone connector 14. Immunological actor 19. Pastoral cabinet dept.

20. Heavenly headwear 21. Plains peoples 22. Bull riding fiasco 23. What Armstrong and Aldrin did in 1969 26. Justice Kagan 27. Davy Jones, e.g.

28. Italian pastries 29. Seriously lacking hair, in slang 30. Army E-7 rank 31. Onomatopoetically-named cat breed Egyptian ___ 33. Chemical suffix 34. Intertwined 36. What the CIA was busy doing in ’70s Chile 42. Brooklyn neighborhood 44. Double curve 45. An eye for music?

46. Tuchus 47. Oprey awards, abbr.

49. Canadiens and Kings, e.g.

52. Bio buildings blocks 53. Pirate's exclamation 54. Jackson's arduous path to the Oklahoma Territory 58. Unevens?

59. Dairy goat 61. Courses one familiar with 56-down may enroll in, abbr.

62. Covers in bathroom tissue, abbr.

63. Drexler of the Trailblazers 64. Small battery

65. Fawned over 67. ___ chi 68. Praise for Allah 71. Wii character 72. Not their 73. "Little Red Book" ideology 77. Normandy city 78. Johnson's inciting incident 82. Columbus to Cleveland dir.

83. NYC time zone 84. Turkey tool 85. Rep.'s counterpart 86. Manchurian river 87. Logo for Reds and Guardians 89. Suffix with Caesar 92. Foolhardy 95. What 23-, 36-, 54-, 78- and 113-across, and 3-down are all acts of 99. Not analog 100. Kid's movie about parrots 101. Co. unit 102. Aged 105. Akhenaten's capital 107. Presidential river 110. Call repeated by town crier 112. "When the ___ Breaks" 113. CIA-backed dictatorships, not the clothing stores 115. Gilded founder of the Vienna Secession 116. Spark 117. "99 Luftballons" Singer 118. "It was ___ and stormy night" 119. Biblical beasts, funnily 120. Schoolyard retort 121. Ladies in CDMX 122. Some tomatoes

DOWN 1. Reheats 2. Words with innocence or consent 3. Reagan's unfaithful affair?

4. Pesky bloodsucker 5. One who plans, nefariously 6. Common Korean family name 7. Artist Chagall 8. Star in Aquila 9. Average jack?

10. Man, in Napoli 11. Taken without permission 12. Showing displeasure, at a ballpark 13. ’60s supergroup without Y 14. Dessert syrups 15. Cohen of the Vassar Anthropology Department 16. Alliterative Cartoon Network trio 17. "Girls" star Dunham 18. Bread unit 24. Dreads 25. Celebrity gossip show 29. Farm compactors 32. Superintendent Chalmers’ hometown 35. Basketball team founded in Minneapolis 37. Big tub 38. Prefix with sphere 39. False 40. Fantasy game 41. Delete 42. Union agreements, abbr.

43. Quality that might be “maxxed” 48. Bawdily-named fish 50. Normies, sexually 51. Pigs in Cali?

54. Rip 55. Half of 52-across 56. Bear, in Tijuana

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57. Furball 58. Hodgepodge 60. Indian bread 63. James of "The Godfather" 65. Muddy deposit 66. Almond or pecan 67. Unneeded knowledge, abbr.

68. High speed train in 83-across 69. Casey, voice of Shaggy 70. Notoriously expressive eyes 71. Capital of Oman 74. Phrase on a gravestone 75. Zyn competitor 76. Rouge and Noire, hydrologically 78. God, to a deadhead 79. Utah city 80. Radar O'Reilly's grape drink of choice (and mine!)

81. Work into a dough 84. Donuts in New Orleans 86. Gehrig's ailment, abbr.

88. Ancient Mediterranean warship 90. Cooking coverup 91. Luxury clothing store, colloquially 93. Namesake of Yale University 94. Crummy establishment 96. Incendiary substance used in Vietnam 97. Rugby star Maher and actress Massey 98. Lion or tiger or bear 103. Stretchy fabric 104. School furnitures 105. Medicinal seltzer 106. "Alice" diner 108. Skywalker's padawan 109. Wrestler-turned-actor John 111. Designer Gucci 113. Arthur of "The Golden Girls" 114. Faux ___