40 minute read
onSee WEED
Page 9 A candid conversation about cannabis consumption on campus Continued from WEED on page 1 before classes started. This, coupled with I feel after I smoke—that means like right seen as a necessary step by many, as there “It’s definitely more present than at a lot of freezing temperatures and snow, forced after, it means a few hours after, [and] the are still more than half a million arrests for my friends’ colleges. I think that Vassar is students inside most days. What does a next morning.” marijuana possession each year in the US, also stereotyped as a ‘hippie-liberal,’ very 20-something college student do when they The employee also made similar claims, not to mention the disproportionate numweed-friendly place,” she explained. One are trapped inside with no homework for “I think alcohol is the devil. Alcohol makes ber of Black and Latinx individuals who are junior interviewed remarked, “I feel like ev- multiple weeks on end? As the employee you make stupid decisions. Weed doesn’t.” arrested. “Weed is very harmless, and by leeryone smokes weed at Vassar. I don’t know told me, “If you’re feeling under-stimulated She then gave a would-you-rather question galizing it you’re going to make it more acthat many people who don’t smoke on cam- it’s a great way to stimulate yourself.” on choosing alcohol or weed, and conclud- cessible and have less arrests,” the employee pus.” Of course, the pandemic has exacerbat- ed, “I will never ever regret choosing the argued.
But perhaps this culture is an imagined ed existing and newfound mental health high night because I’ll get a great amount of These conversations around cannabis version of a few stoners’ dreams. The em- problems globally, and many have turned sleep, and I won't have any hangover.” continue to evolve. With the drug having ployee, who has worked at Vassar for less to weed for relief. According to a September Of course, there can be negative effects to achieved legal status in Canada in 2018, than a year, hasn’t noticed too much of a 2020 study of college students, 71 percent using cannabis, and users should proceed and with Mexico having just legalized marweed culture at Vassar. “I don’t walk around indicated increased stress and anxiety be- with caution. The sophomore who smokes ijuana last week, a pan-North-American and think this is a pot school, but I have no cause of the pandemic. Beyond that, social to relieve anxiety says, “There are definitely cannabis heaven could be a few short years idea,” she said. isolation and disruption to sleep patterns downsides for some people but for me it’s away. “That would be a beautiful feature,”
COVID-19 restrictions have made large have also increased among college students mostly positive.” the sophomore said, but she says she can’t gatherings, where alcohol consumption is during these uncertain times. Unsurpris- The junior knows someone who had wait. “After hearing that, I’m probably gonthe norm, largely obsolete. In turn, some ingly, marijuana consumption has also in- cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome, a na move to Mexico,” she announced gleefulstudents, the interviewees say, are turning creased during the pandemic. rare condition that makes long-term users ly. The junior was also in support, “I think it towards marijuana. To the sophomore, the The students say they use marijuana to consistently vomit. Some also have allergic would be good for the global political econrestrictions dissuade her from drinking be- destress, sleep and generally lift spirits. reactions to marijuana. omy and world peace. There would be less cause she consumes alcohol at large social The sophomore detailed her health bene- Due to its FDA status as a Schedule I drug, trafficking.” gatherings. “There’s no TH parties, so the fits from smoking. “I first started upping the same legal status as heroin, marijuana These deep and dank moonlit conversasocial gatherings are more weed-friendly to my consumption as a response to depres- is largely understudied. Widespread mira- tions about weed’s status on campus and me,” she explained. sion and anxiety because it helps me a lot,” cle health claims, as well as severe negative beyond will no doubt continue as long as
The Vassar employee agrees that college she explained. “I also use it to relax. I feel effects, have yet to be fully studied, and marijuana and Sunset Lake exist.is a formative time in one’s weed journey. so much more positive.” Both students said more studies are needed. Recalling her first year at a liberal arts col- they consume to combat the stress from the The CDC acknowledges the wide-ranglege, she said, “It was time to spread my demanding college workload and pandem- ing health effects too: “Marijuana use may wings and just rip bong constantly. Then I ic-related mental pressures. The junior ex- have a wide range of health effects on the got my freshman year grades back and was plained, “I’m stressed pretty often and high body and brain.” Indeed, the effects are far just like, ‘Oh shit, I’m definitely not a func- strung, so you know, [weed] helps. Sleep is a and wide. The CDC’s list of potential effects tioning stoner.’” big one, too.” ranges from short-term memory loss to
The novelty of the college experience and The employee prefers CBD tincture and pain relief for cancer patients. But the CDC being away from home isn’t the only cata- edibles because she’s worried about lung also acknowledges the lack of data, concludlyst for cannabis consumption. With man- damage. “I’ve been consuming a lot of CBD, ing, “More research is needed to understand datory state and college quarantines lasting because I like athletics, and after a hard the full impact of marijuana use on cancer.”up to two weeks, it’s no wonder that people workout CBD is a way to give your muscles The interviewees also gave their opinions may want to pass the time with a little more a little treat,” she described. “[I’m] trying to on legalization. To remove Schedule I status zhoosh. Reminiscing over nostalgic mem- stay kind to the lungs, [so] edibles have been and facilitate scientific research, though, ories, the employee chuckled. “If you’re really great.” federal legalization is necessary. Both stubored, it makes anything a task. The movie All three also choose weed over alcohol dents expressed strong support for legalizaturns into an Imax,” she said. consistently, citing myriad health benefits tion. While there is a growing patchwork
Returning to a quarantined campus and lamenting the volatile effects of drink- of legal states, marijuana is still federally was the perfect recipe for being chronical- ing. The sophomore passionately said, “I illegal and is not for sale in New York. But ly baked. Thanks to a staggered move-in, don’t think they’re even comparable. I don’t Democratic Senate leaders are pushing for students were on campus for up to 17 days like how I feel after I drink, and I love how comprehensive cannabis reform. This is
Breaking News
From the desk of Izzy Migani, Humor Editor Students distraught after Express Dunkin iced coffee replaced with kombucha Desperate inquirer asks Dr G: Is OnlyFans my only option?
Dear Dr. G,
I was inspired by your last article, as I, too, am strapped for cash, but I’m not really into the whole sugar baby thing. Do you have any other ideas to find some funds without buying into my own mommy/daddy issues? -Too Salty to be a Sugar Baby
Dear Salty,
I’m going to be transparent and say that I didn’t expect many people to be 100% into the idea of being a sugar baby just from the last article. Who can blame them? Adults are scary and f*cked up (I know, I’m an adult who is scary and f*cked up), and generally I think we gravitate away from people who are 30+ years older than us. If you don’t, to each their own, but for the layman there has to be another way. That is why I am going to reveal to you my ultimate money making plan that is guaranteed to help you earn a crazy amount of money in a short amount of time.
You should make an OnlyFans account with your Pod.
Let me explain myself. Your pod is a group of individuals that you trust with your COVID-safety and therefore effectively your life. I know many students on campus spent many long and hard hours agonizing over which Emma or which friend from the Lax team to put in your group, and we all had to settle on just five other people at most.
These are the people with whom you certainly spend the most of your time, and it’s possible that you’ve even already considered boning one or two of them. This is probably a discussion that would come up very much in a “haha jkjk… unless?” situation, and it is here that I implore you to find truth in that ‘unless’. You have already had so many talks about community norms and safety standards with these people, and who better to make raunchy pornographic content with?
First, have that chat. Bring everyone to your favorite room in Rocky, the one with the vulva-shaped seminar table, maybe even buy everyone a coffee, and start your pitch. We have all seen the ridiculous amounts of money that solo acts make on OnlyFans, and accounts which feature more than one individual regularly are proven to make even more each month (Idk I made that up, but like probably).
You would all never need to worry about funds for the laundry machine, running out of Arlington Bucks, or the cost of your online shopping ever again. And all for the small price of your precious friendship? Hell, that will probably survive all of this if you make enough money. When was the last time that money or sex ruined anything?
Next, make the account and start creating content. Account creation is easy, as long as every member of your pod is of legal age you should have no problem (you do need to send in a photo of your driver’s license though, so if your pod has any gay New York City kids they just can’t participate I guess). To plan content, just ask yourself: what do horny strangers want to see college kids doing? I mean, you can totally just have normal sex and post that, but you could also use gimmicks, role play, and costumes to give your content an extra pop.
The CCT says that if you’re in a space with just your pod you can have your masks off, so what is stopping you from casually making a sex tape in one of the Swift classrooms after hours? Just remember, if another person joins you will all need to be masked. Plus, after all these weird Vassar party themes I know everyone has enough quirky clothes to make some interesting costumes. Holidays, Halloween costumes, Founder’s Day, whatever bizarre-themed party you went to at the frisbee TH that one time, the closet of a Vassar student is a gold mine of illicit clothing and funny props to put on and then quickly take off in the throes of love making.
Finally, be smart! For instance, make sure you set aside part of your funds from your group adventure to pay your taxes at the end of the year (for further questions about this, reach out to your favorite economics professor). You’ll also want to make sure you’re not conspicuous about the amount of money you’re making; the cashier at Crafted Kup might be confused if you’re suddenly buying 30 cups of coffee a week, all in small bills. Finally, when you become rich and famous from this new venture, be sure to make your regular donations to Vassar through the Alumni Association so that future students can continue the beautiful and illicit lifestyle we have all come to know and love at Vassar today.
Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.
Flying the coop: The time I gave my mother the bird
Vivian Phillips
Delinquent Child
Parents set the stage for the relationships we have with our emotions for the rest of our lives. A mother’s hug exposes us to the warmth of love, a game of peekaboo inspires our first laugh—but among all of these experiences that guide our relationship choices until we seek therapy, perhaps the most vital, is a child’s exposure to shame. There is nothing like shame to hold a household together.
This is a principle that my mother, Dawn Phillips, holds dearly in her heart. The first time I was awakened to my mother’s true gift for inducing guilt was at the tender age of six and a half. With only 17 teeth to my name, I found it difficult to digest not only tough meat but also my mother’s various crash courses in etiquette.
I had just spilled my drink during our family dinner—a mistake my mother would usually reprimand me about all night—but tonight was different. Tonight, I decided to take matters into my own hands and apologize. I figured my actions would mean more than my words, so I decided to mime out “I love you” to my mom across the dinner table. I began with the “I,” and a decision had to be made about which finger I would use to spell it with. My pointer finger was too crooked. It was too difficult for me to extend my ring finger alone. I needed a clear, long capital “I”—and what better finger to use than the one dead center. My mother was like God and I was standing in the Garden of Eden. My forbidden fruit? My tallest finger. Like the flick of a lighter, my middle finger popped out right in front of Dawn’s rapidly widening eyes. Much like Eve, completely unaware of her nakedness, I had no idea that at the age of six, I had just silently told my mother “Fuck you” right after spilling milk on her prized rug.
Screams. Shrieks. The sound of a mother’s horror at the sight of what preschool had done to her only child. Everything happened so quickly I didn’t even have time to finish miming the heart or the “U.” I was sent to my room sobbing, confused at how dinner went from being mildly tense to explosive in a matter of seconds. All I knew was that I had done something wrong—but not the usual, inconsequential mistake. This was wrong in a different way. Sitting on my bed I considered turning my stuffed animals’ faces away from me.
A knock on my door was followed by my mother timidly walking into my room one step at a time. She sat down on my bed and started to cry. “Yikes,” I remember thinking to myself. Now I just felt uncomfortable, and I still had no idea what was wrong. I was very close to writing the whole series of events off as purely a her problem, when she asked me point blank:
“Do you have any idea how using a symbol like that makes me feel?”
“How could I,” I thought to myself, “you didn’t even let me finish.”
I tried to pitch my case but we didn’t seem to be understanding one another. Each time I brought the finger back to try to finish miming “I love you” to her, she just seemed to get more upset. I was at my wit’s end.
“Do you even know what that finger MEANS?” she asked.
Things were getting interesting. Pandora’s box had been opened. God herself became her own worst enemy. “No. What does it mean?” I asked. Silence. We stared at each other. I cocked my head to the side. My mother shifted from her body weight from her right butt cheek to her left butt cheek. “Well, you see,” she began, “That finger represents a word. A word that many people find to be very offensive.” “What word?” I asked. Silence.
“Well you see,” she began, “There is this—activity—that two people engage in when they really love one another—when they want to make a baby.”
I nodded my head.
She went on, “There are acceptable words for this and there are bad words for this. That finger represents one of the bad words for this.”
She hadn’t answered my question. “What word?” I asked.
Dawn was cornered in a moral dilemma. Should she or should she not introduce her six year old to the word “fuck?”
“The word,” she said, “Is ‘fuck.’”
Dawn Phillips may be a master at the art of critique, but she has zero improvisational skills.
Could you out-survive Bear Grylls?
Madi Donat, Assistant Humor Editor
Banner design by Frankie Knuckles/The Miscellany News.
“Probably not. I wouldn’t last two days in the wilderness.” — Tori Horner ’23
"Depends on where we are! Maybe!” — Julien Peck ’22 “I don’t think I could take him. If anyone says yes to that, then they’re wrong.” — Johnathan Dean ’22
“Definitely not. I wouldn’t survive a second." — Lola Wright ’24 “[After some hesitation] No. Definitely not.” —Livia Shine ’24
“Definitely not, no. I’d lose.” — Julian Lindenmaier ’22
HOROSCOPES
ARIES
March 21 | April 19
TAURUS April 20 | May 20
GEMINI May 21 | June 20
The sun is giving us all serotonin, so why not plan a heist with your friends! Make sure that whatever you steal is completely useless and only for show. Oh, and one of you can do that thing where you descend on a cable from the ceiling.
Enjoying the spring-ish weather? Take a nap in a sunbeam. It’s the perfect activity for avoiding all your responsibilities and feeling very much like a cat. Prime time is between 3 and 6 p.m., but you can work it into your schedule wherever it fits.
Bored of the skateboarding, biking and frisbee-ing? Try and come up with a unique outdoor activity—like climbing trees…or buildings. [CRC DOES NOT APPROVE OF SCALING CAMPUS BUILDINGS. THE MISC IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY CONDUCT VIOLATION.]
CANCER June 21 | July 22
To switch things up, eat at different spots around campus. I'm especially partial to Admissions and the Quad, but there are tons of fun little corners to hang out! Send your most unique eating spots to me. :) My phone number will come to you in a dream.
LEO
July 23 | August 22
What’s a hobby you used to love, but never do anymore? I used to draw all the time, and I could consume multiple novels a day. Now all I do is drink coffee, do assignments poorly, eat hot chip and lie. I don’t have advice for you this week, I’m sorry; I just want to vent.
VIRGO
August 23 | September 22
Confession: I use about six different color highlighters when I take notes and every time I’m in class and I take out my little highlighters I feel like everybody is looking at me and judging me. “Why does she need so many highlighters??” I don’t know!!!!! I just like them!!!! Madi Donat
Astral Projector
LIBRA
September 23 | October 22
What if you deleted all your social media? No, like seriously, I’m asking. What would happen? Do you think it would be really good, or really bad? Or bad at first, and then good? I don’t know. I guess you couldn’t order bagels on the Vassar Facebook then, though.
SCORPIO October 23 | November 21
Friends sometimes ask me to read their natal charts but I never really fully understood what Scorpios are up to, despite one of my best friends of six years being one. So, if you don’t mind: Hi! How are you? What goes on in your head? How do you approach relationships?
SAGITTARIUS November 22 | December 21
Being nice and kind and normal is absolutely definitely 100 percent recommended. But sometimes it’s also okay to just scream a little bit. Have you screamed recently? Try it out! It’s a cool pastime and I find it quite cleansing.
CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19
Everything is changing all the time!! Isn’t that crazy??? And we’re all just supposed to deal with it like it’s normal! There are probably changes happening with you, too. But they’ll probably be good, I think. I don’t know, though; I can’t actually tell the future. Unless…?
AQUARIUS January 20 | February 18
There’s lots of ways to be adventurous without actually going on a walk or something. Maybe you could dip your fries in a different sauce. Or wear clashing patterns. I’m really bad at being adventurous, so that’s where my suggestions stop, but I wish you good luck.
PISCES
February 19 | March 20
Ah your second quarantine birthday. Don’t let it get you down! There’s tons of ways to celebrate. Zoom cocktail hour, pod dinners, not doing your homework in favor of going to bed at a reasonable 9 p.m.…the possibilities are endless.
B’S CORNER
BY B GOMEZ
March 18, 2021 Student dreaming of ‘Californication’ clearly struggling
Blair Webber
Righteous Dude
Ayear into the pandemic, many people are struggling with their mental health. We remain isolated from one another even as vaccinations promise the end of social distancing. One student, sophomore James Jones ’23, feels he has found the key to not just functioning but thriving in these uncertain times.“I listen to ‘Californication’ by the Red Hot Chili Peppers every day,” said Jones. “It fixes everything. My life is perfect. Better than therapy.”
His claim rang a little hollow with this Misc reporter. While I am a firm believer of listening to one song over and over and over until you’ve learned every rhythm in every voice in every verse, bridge, hook and chorus, in all my years of only listening to one song at a time, not one has ever “fixed” my whole “life.” So I dug a little deeper.
Mickey Rich '23, Jones’s roommate, had a different perspective on his roommate’s listening habits. “He needs help,” said Rich, “And at this point, so do I. He plays it every second of every day. I’m not exaggerating. I have to go to Zoom class in the parlor because he won’t turn it off. If I ever hear ‘Californication’ by The Red Hot Chili Peppers one more time, I don’t—I mean, I’ll snap. I can’t be held responsible for my actions anymore after that.” Jones elaborated on the ways that one song has fixed his life. “It’s made me realize I can’t be held responsible for my actions. And when you realize that, that it doesn’t matter what you do because y’know tidal waves can’t save the world and whatever, it’s better than therapy. I can just let all my issues go and say ‘It’s not my fault.’”
Rich commented on the extremes to which Jones has taken this realization. “Yeah so him and his girlfriend were in a fight because of something he thought she posted on Vassar Confessions—I mean it could’ve been anyone honestly it was so vague, like about someone’s favorite pooping spot on campus or something—anyway, there’s that line in ‘Californication’ that’s like ‘Destruction leads to a very rough road but it also breeds creation’ or something,’” Rich shared, “Yeah. He thought he was trashing her room, but he actually trashed her neighbor’s room. Those guys were PISSED.”
Jones’s girlfriend, who asked to remain anonymous, declined to comment beyond saying,
“Tell him to stop proposing to me by asking me to be his ‘Fairy to the world.’”
Jones’ friends have tried to intervene. “He keeps saying it’s ‘better than therapy.’ I don’t know what that means, but I do know that trashing his girlfriend’s room stemmed from his inability to differentiate between his automatic negative thoughts—particularly mind reading, blaming others and catastrophizing—and a mindful understanding of his emotions and triggers,” Jones’ friend offered.
The friend continued, “I know therapy isn’t for everyone, but one RHCP song isn’t working either, so I don’t know. I just want to be a good friend. I keep offering to let him listen to Mr. Bungle with me but he’s not into it.”
In the meantime, Rich has been working to clearly define his own boundaries.
“I’ve already caught him singing ‘Californication’ shirtless in front of a green screen sky a few times, but I think as soon as he tries to bleach his own hair, I have to take some serious action.”
Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.
FROG AND TOAD ARE FRENEMIES
by Julianna + Olivia
Page 13 U.S. must reconsider its military presence in the Middle East
Sanya Malhotra
Guest Columnist
On Feb. 26, President Joe Biden authorized an airstrike just over the border in Syria. The stated purpose of the strike was a retaliatory measure after an Iranian-based militia, Hezbollah, attacked an airport in Erbil, Iraq that killed a civilian contractor and wounded at least seven Americans. The American airstrikes came after more than a week of consultation with key Cabinet officials and Iraqi Prime Minister Mustafa Al-Kadhimi, aimed at a calibrated military response. Seven 500-pound bombs were dropped on a small cluster of buildings on the Syria-Iraq border that were specifically meant to destroy a controlled unit of Iranian-backed militia troops, including Kata’ib Hezbollah and Kata’ib Sayyid al-Shuhada. The attack in Erbil was claimed by Awliya al-Dam, an unrecognized group, but intelligence determined that the group is a front for Iran’s proxy attacks on Americans. The number of casualties among the Iranian troops has not been officially released, but American officials stated that a handful of militia members were killed. Nevertheless, the United States is not seeking to escalate tensions with Iran but rather to send a message: “You can’t act with impunity,” a message Biden reiterated publicly that was also sent confidentially to Tehran. The tit-for-tat scenario playing out between Iran and the United States traces back to the drone strike in Baghdad that killed top Iranian commander, Major General Qasem Soleimani. A new report from The Wall Street Journal reveals further deliberation by Biden on the days and hours leading up to the airstrike in Syria. National security officials considered potential responses in Syria, Yemen and Iraq. Because of the United States’ partnership with the Iraqi government, they chose to target Syria to maintain diplomatic relations. The morning of Feb. 25, Biden finalized two targets in Syria after an assessment of risk factors. Just 30 minutes before the strike with F-15Es in the air, National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan reported to Biden that there were women and children around the second target. Biden called off the strike.
The airstrike in Syria marks Biden’s first use of force since entering office. His decision to do so is in continuation of U.S. foreign policy in the Middle East that prioritizes the protection of Americans overseas. The number of U.S. troops stationed in Iraq to aid the fight against the Islamic State group has decreased to under 2500. Though long-term goals of Biden’s policy in the Middle East have not been clearly outlined, the actions by the government will have consequences for the region and the United States. The United States has a long history of interfering in the Middle East through the use of oil, proxies and bombs. Since President George W. Bush advocated for increased troops in Iraq, the U.S. has expressed that without its presence and influence in the Middle East, the entire region would descend into chaos; however, each step that the United States further entrenches itself into the affairs of the region, the more chaos and violence springs up. Emerging diplomacy among Iran, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates following Trump’s withdrawal of troops from the region were quickly dashed when he then ordered the assassination of Qassem Suleimani. With the “global war on terrorism” waged by the Bush administration in the early 2000s, the idea of boots on the ground in the Middle East has been equated to a fight for freedom and democratic values in the American mind. Yet this “freedom fight” has led to death and destruction in the region, dating back to the start of imperialist expansion following the end of World War I.
The United States government must ask itself what purpose the troops still stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan serve: Are they there to fight terrorism and disseminate Western values, or is it simply a ploy for oil money and control? Words may elicit the notions of democracy and freedom being the sole purpose, but the very ideals are questioned when Saudi oil partnerships seem to take precedence over the list of human rights abuses committed by the Saudi government in neighboring countries. In one way or another, the terrain of the Middle East has become a playground for the United States, exploiting it through both ineffective diplomacy and force.
Take for example Syria, the target for the U.S. airstrike. The country has endured a decade of war by state and non-state actors, leaving it divided economically and politically among the government, the Islamic State group, Kurds, Turkish troops and other organizations. The economy is in distress with the Syrian pound trading at about one percent of pre-Civil War value on the black market. In the surrounding areas, 6.6 million registered Syrian refugees must live outside of their homeland for safety reasons. One of the causes of this crisis is U.S. sanctions, a failed attempt to advance human rights under the broken Assad regime in Syria that has only created more poverty in the country.
The espoused foreign policy goals the United States proposes to its people and the world do not match their practice. Pressure from Iran shown through their violent attacks on U.S. military forces can justify the decision to launch an airstrike in Syria for now, but sooner or later our presence there will be obsolete and inessential. The government has the power and resources to aid victims of war waged by the United States. Bombs cannot be the only answer.
Courtesy of Joe Biden via Flickr.
March 18, 2021 Montgomery, former WNBA star, activist, purchases Dream
Jackie Molloy
Assistant Sports Editor
When Raphael Warnock was sworn in as Georgia’s new senator on 20 Jan., helping to hand the Democratic party the keys to the Senate, it was apparent that he was there because of Black women. Stacey Abrams and other grassroots organizers in Georgia had spent the last few years, and especially the last few months, registering and mobilizing millions of voters in their state, working to disprove the notion that Georgia, or any other Southern state, couldn’t be blue. These organizers celebrated all over Twitter and rightfully so. Yet, there is one group of women that were largely left out from these celebrations— those responsible for originally launching Warnock into the purview of the national eye.
Warnock was polling at just nine percent when players across the WNBA decided to wear “Vote Warnock” t-shirts in August of last year, setting his campaign alight and catapulting his Senate race to the forefront of minds across the country. Why was the WNBA throwing their support around this one candidate in this one state?
The answer is simple: Kelly Loeffler, former U.S. senator and former co-owner of the Atlanta Dream. Loeffler bought the team along with Mary Brock in 2010, and in subsequent years could often be seen courtside mingling with Dream staff. After she was appointed to retiring Senator Johnny Isakson’s spot in late 2019, Loeffler established herself as a hardcore Trump loyalist, but it wasn’t until she publicly condemned the WNBA’s support for the Black Lives Matter movement in an open letter to commissioner Cathy Engelbert that the calls for her head, and her seat, came to fruition. When her comments criticized the peaceful BLM movement for violence and echoed the popular “stick to sports” rhetoric, there was an immediate outcry from players across the league, which is one of, if not the most, politically active in all of sports. When their first demand to oust Loeffler from her ownership was denied by the league, the players turned to Loeffler’s senate race. After some deliberation and talk over Zoom, Seattle Storm star Sue Bird came up with the idea of the Warnock t-shirt and it played out from there.
After Warnock successfully beat Loeffler in January’s special Georgia run-off, the WNBA returned to their original objective: ousting Loeffler from the league. And that is where Renee Montgomery comes in. A former Dream player herself, the two-time WNBA champion and UConn all-star had decided to initially sit out the 2020 season due to concerns about COVID-19 and to dedicate herself to social justice activism. When Loeffler’s comments about BLM surfaced, Montgomery sought to meet with Loeffler to discuss her concerns––but Loeffler refused the conversation. Later, when Lebron James announced on Twitter that he would be interested in forming a group to buy the Dream from Loeffler, Montgomery immediately reached out to see what steps she would need to take to get involved. That inquiry led to her joining a triple-pronged investment team with Larry Gottesdiener and Suzanne Abair, two executives from the Massachusetts-based real estate firm Northland Investment Corp. The trio purchased the Dream in late February 2021.
It’s a Hollywood-worthy tale: after being denied a meeting, former player ousts racist owner by buying the team herself. It is certainly a wish come true for the Dream’s new Vice President Montgomery, who is the first retired WNBA player to become both an owner and an executive. The idea of a Black woman owner and sports executive receives little representation, but this is a promising step. Montgomery’s investment comes after a period of many high-profile women investing in National Women’s Soccer League teams, including the new expansion team Angel City, which has a majority female ownership group whose members include Natalie Portman, Serena Williams and Mia Hamm. The visibility of these women in positions of power demonstrates an encouraging move towards legitimizing women in sports, a world in which they have consistently been harassed, demeaned and taken for granted. Women’s leagues are never marketed, televised or supported at the same level as their male counterparts, even when they bear the brunt of off-field community work. The WNBA brought attention to police brutality and the BLM movement even before Colin Kaepernick, and the U.S. Women’s National Team as well as the National Women’s Hockey League have both consistently spoken out about equal pay opportunities.
It was a great day for the WNBA when Kelly Loeffler was officially no longer a part of its league, and it was even better that she was ousted by a former player. More than just expelling a villain, the WNBA demonstrated the power they have over their league, a place where hate, bigotry and disrespect will face retaliation. It is clear from the example of Loeffler that if you violate any of the league’s standards, they will come for your head, your seat and your stake.
Courtesy of SusanLesch via Wikimedia Commons.
Page 15 The 'Answer': Statistical fact or basketball myth?
Alex Eisert
Sports Editor
What bearing does a player’s defense have on their offense? Ideally, players would be able to separate the two, for in a literal sense, they do not impact each other: Whether you give up seven errors in a half inning or make a spectacular diving play, you’ll still come up to bat regardless. Whether you give up a wide-open three-pointer after a defensive lapse or make an earth-shattering rejection off the backboard and get your own rebound, all the same, your next step will be to get the ball to the other end of the court and attempt to score.
Practically, however, this is not the case. Obviously, the amount of runs you give up on the field or the amount of points you allow on defense will dictate the strategy coaches use at the other end. For example, if you are suddenly losing by a ton, the coach will bring in your mop-up reliever or your third-team subs. But beyond game plan, is there another manner in which defensive play can subtly impact offense? And can we measure it in a way that separates it from mere changes in strategy?
After running the numbers from Kaggle’s NBA play-by-play dataset for 2018-2019, I’ve concluded that the answers to the questions above are, respectively, yes and yes we can. I chose this dataset because, aside from it being the last full NBA season, in watching a lot of Knicks basketball these last few months (it’s hard not to, because they are actually good for the first time in seven years), I’ve noticed that teams seem more likely to shoot three-pointers immediately following the other team making one. The play-by-play nature of the dataset allowed me to isolate field goal attempts that came one after another. In other words, I could avoid shots that were separated by a timeout, foul, substitution or any other stoppage. Removing pairs of shots that were detached from each other in any of these ways also helped minimize the likelihood of any change in strategy; any shift in shot selection would thus be attributable to a more reflexive behavior in response to giving up a field goal on defense.
I theorized that of all the types of field goals, allowing a three-pointer would lead to the most significant behavioral change purely because threes are worth the most points. Giving up a three-ball might instill a sense of urgency in the defense as they transition to offense, a need to reclaim those lost points. At first glance, this seemed to be the case. There were 17,794 shots taken immediately after the other team scored a three; aside from these shots, there were 201,663 shots taken in the entire season. After giving up a three, teams shot a three themselves 38.7 percent of the time. Otherwise, they only shot a three 35.6 percent of the time, an extremely significant statistical difference given the large sample size (p < 1^-15). But one question remained: Do players have the same inclination to “answer,” say, two-point jumps shots, with one of their own, that they do with threes?
For two-point jumpers, the answer is a resounding yes (31.3 to 26.3 percent; p < 1^-15). Same goes for two-point hook shots (4.67 to 3.84 percent; p < 0.05). However, teams were significantly less likely to go for a layup when answering layups compared to going for a layup any other time (23.7 to 28.1 percent; p < 1^-15) and significantly less likely to answer dunks with dunks (4.90 to 5.83 percent; p < 0.0005; see Figure 1). But don’t dismiss the “answer” effect so fast; layups and dunks were probably less likely to be answered because they often happen on fastbreaks. A successful fastbreak is almost never immediately followed by another because the other team has to inbound the ball, providing the team coming off of the fastbreak with time to get back on defense. The answer effect would likely be present if we were to only look at layups and dunks that didn’t occur on fastbreaks; sadly, this data isn’t available on Kaggle.
Because of the lack of fastbreaks after a basket, one might argue that the answer effect I captured above for threes, two-point jumpers and hook shots is just a result of every other type of shot getting more play at the expense of layups and dunks. It turned out that teams responding to a made three were also far more likely to shoot a two-point jumper than they would be otherwise (30.6 to 26.4 percent; p < 1^-15), and the likelihood of answering a twopoint jumper in kind was only slightly higher than the likelihood of answering a three with a two-point jumper (31.3 to 30.6 percent; p = 0.20). While the likelihood of answering a three in kind was significantly higher than the likelihood of answering a two-point jumper with a three (38.7 to 37.4 percent; p < 0.05), it is worth noting this effect is small relative to some of the miniscule p-values for two-point jumpers and threes above.
In addition, teams were insignificantly more likely to opt for a hook (4.00 to 3.84 percent; p = 0.29) after a made three and for a three after a made hook (36.0 to 35.9 percent; p = 0.86). But, teams were significantly more likely to go with the hook after giving up a two-point jumper (4.40 to 3.81 percent; p < 0.001) and to go with a two-point jumper after giving up a hook (31.4 to 26.6 percent; p < 5^-7).
This led me to a different conclusion: What we should be looking at is similarities across types of shots. Two-point jumpers and threes are both jumpshots, while two-point jumpers and hooks are both two-point shots. My theory was already in need of revising because the strong effects associated with answering two-point jumpers and hook shots in kind run contrary to the idea that trying to answer three-pointers leads to the largest behavioral change. Rather, it seems that players just try to emulate what they see working for their opponent, whether it is an exact emulation or just something similar—big men aren’t as adept at shooting jumpers, for example, so their way of emulating an opponent’s two-point jump shot might be with a hook.
This result is in line with the social psychological theory of informational social influence, which states that when we don’t know all the facts, like which type of shot is best to take, we will look to others (in this case, opponents) to see if they know what works. We do this because we have a desire to be correct in our assessments of the world.
On the other hand, this phenomenon
could also result from normative influence: Even when we do have good information, or an idea of which shot to take, our desire to fit in and conform might override that. In other words, even if an opponent’s two-point jumper isn’t falling, a player might still go for a two-point jumper themself just because they are being cued to conform. To test normative influence, I needed to see whether players were also more likely to answer a failed three-point shot, two-point jumper or hook shot attempt with one of their own. I excluded layups and dunks because of the fastbreak issue; although with a missed shot there is no inbounding, fastbreaks still happen more often on steals and blocks than defensive rebounds, and I selected only those missed shots that were immediately followed by defensive rebounds and a subsequent shot at the other end.
There were 26,812 shots taken right after the other team missed a three; aside from these shots, there were 192,645 shots taken the entire season. After thwarting a threepoint attempt, teams shot threes themselves 37.6 percent of the time. Otherwise, they only shot a three 35.6 percent of the time, a very significant result (p < 1^-9), though slightly less so than when answering made threes. Interestingly, this effect went in the opposite direction for missed two-point jumpers (25.2 to 26.8 percent; p < 1^-5), and was not significant at all for hook shots (3.65 to 3.85 percent;
p = 0.60).
In sum, while we can’t speak for layups and dunks, all other shots likely activate informational influence cues when made, one subtle way that defense impacts offense in the NBA. But only successfully defending against threes appears to induce another subtle effect (while two-point jumpers might even deter it) on offense: normative influence. Perhaps there is something special about threes after all.
Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.
“Answer Attempts” measures how often teams who have just given up a basket copy their opponents’ shot type. “Other Attempts” illustrates how often teams opt for each type of shot otherwise (i.e., not after giving up a shot or after giving up a different kind of shot). Alex Eisert/The Miscellany News.
Answers to last week’s crossword puzzles
By Reese Collins
By Ian Rosevear
CROSSWORD The Miscellany Crosswords
ACROSS
1. Sport played with a quaffle 10. Droid salespeople in "Star Wars" 15. Emphasize, in a way 16. Warning 17. Flies solo 18. Before now 19. Allege 20. Cut (off) 22. Most common English word 23. Beer barrels 24. Offshore income haven 28. Swindler 30. Constellation with a belt 31. "We're gonna get started now" 35. Applications 37. Goof 38. Colombia-Venezuela border river 41. Bird that can run 31 miles per hour 42. Trim 44. Children's game with lots of instructions 46. Rather rotund 49. Moral principle 50. Bat moonlighter 52. Tavern orders 56. Dull routine 57. VCR button 58. Get down for a prayer 59. Belittle 61. Subject of a 2012 Supreme Court ruling 65. Tempting call 66. Ralph Macchio martial arts movie, with "The" 67. FaceTime alternative 68. Some women of rank
DOWN
1. Make like a duck 2. "I surrender!" 3. Cat collar component, maybe 4. Stops 5. Nip 6. Ailing 7. Madre's hermano 8. Wolf Blitzer's airer 9. Tall footwear 10. Type of quartz 11. ___ Baba 12. Set sail 13. Nemesis 14. Take the wheel 21. Exclamation of discovery 24. Rank 25. Mythical shield 26. Dish competitor 27. Actress Lucy of "Elementary" 29. "Game of Thrones" network 31. "___ Misérables" 32. Eponymous cube inventor 33. Feeder river 34. Ladies' club restriction 36. Dodgy, as an imposter 39. Sherbet holder 40. Impersonal pronoun 43. Upper-bod muscle 45. Attitudes 47. Tranquil 48. Ram's ma'am 50. Sousaphone's section 51. Came to 53. Makes public, as information 54. Creepy 55. Coasters for ice 58. Actress Winslet 60. Labor Day mo. 62. "Pow!" 63. French founder of dadaism Jean 64. Sully
By Ian Rosevear
By Reese Collins
ACROSS
1. Baby who received a baboon heart 4. China's military, abbr. 7. Automatic for the People band 10. Pop 13. Horace's ___ Poetica 14. Regimen 16. Pitcher's stat. 17. World clock standard 18. Policy provider 19. "Yum!" 20. *The round mound of rebound 23. HBO show starring Zendaya 24. Possibly cant finish? 25. Can't see the forest for the these, in a saying 26. Removed 30. Experimental platform 34. Texter's qualifier 35. *The stilt 40. Mesopotamian sky god 41. "That's a fact!" 42. Movie books 45. Noted commerce treaty 49. Forensic TV show 50. Significant others 53. *Diesel 56. Meteorology's mugginess measurement 57. Not prepared 58. "Abolish ___" 59. Diarist Anaïs 60. Zuckerberg's foil in "The Social Network" 61. Term denoting maiden name 62. Playground game 63. Alot 64. Spartans' school, on scoreboard 65. The US's is about $21 trillion
DOWN
1. Water tap 2. King of Camelot 3. Type of room, for fun 4. Heartburn drug 5. Misanthrope 6. Also, in Avignon 7. Group that split off after the ceasefire of 1997 8. Sol., or Nucl. 9. Germany's chancellor 10. Reagan's ailment 11. 3rd letter of 4-across 12. Beaver's build 15. Big instrument 21. Butler played by Gable 22. "The Butler" director Daniels 26. Student issue 27. German river that runs through northern Hesse 28. Beatles' label 29. Spanish title 31. Absolute junk 32. Body works 33. Big pharma company, abbr. 35. Is in the past? 36. "Monster's ___" (2001 movie) 37. Staggering 38. Bryan Adams 1984 hit 39. Country singer Rimes 43. "There ___ god!" 44. 2 player card game 46. Tolling 47. Drew around 48. Catching z's 50. Emotional appeal 51. Siren 52. Maker of hard apple ale 53. Islam branch 54. Command-Z 55. Town in Basque that sounds like a track star's reply 56. 20-across & 53-across's channel
