The answer

with our new acquaintance past breakfast.

In reality, our way of acting in an intoxicated condition shows how strong our capacity for control is. When we're drunk we dare to do fun things such as talk with strangers, but drunken people may also get the idea of balancing on balcony railings or exposing themselves and others to mortal danger by driving drunk.

We should be happy that in a sober condition we don't think such ideas are particularly good.

Control is thus a protective mechanism that neither can nor ought to be switched off. On the other hand, what we can do is to take control of the control.

This means that we can learn to use our capacity for control in such a way that it increases the possibilities for intimacy. In the remaining four chapters of this book we will talk about how this happens.