Bryan lewis saunders

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Bryan Lewis Saunders "We Don't Need Another Doctor, We Can Run Our Own Tests"

Bryan Lewis Saunders "We Don't Need Another Doctor, We Can Run Our Own Tests" Duration: July 10 - August 15, 2014

Photography: Ran Erde

‫מיקה‬ ‫אמנות ישראלית‬

Mika - Contemporary Art

"We Don't Need Another Doctor, We Can Run Our Own Tests"

by Bryan Lewis Saunders

In 1930, phenomenological psychologist Dr. D. J. van Lennep created the first personality picture story test. Over the next 17 years, Dr. Lennep’s “Four Picture Test” remained virtually unknown while he and his colleagues in the Netherlands administered the test to thousands and thousands of people. After they had accumulated sufficient stockpiles of information to validate the test, they published and shared it with the rest of the psychological community. But by the time the “Four Picture Test” made its debut elsewhere in the West a variety of other projective picture story tests were prevalent and more accessible. Unfortunately, none of these other tests had anywhere near as much research and data to support their validity. In his psychiatric interviews of juvenile delinquents in 1932, Dr. Louis A. Schwarz introduced a set of eight drawings. Calling these illustrations "Social-Situation Pictures," he used them as intermediary agents in an effort to not only break through the juveniles' psychological defense mechanisms but to also develop a stronger rapport with them. By discussing the depicted behaviors and predicaments of someone else with whom they could particularly identify, the young criminal offenders could safely reveal something about themselves. Soon thereafter, the idea of a projective 'picture story test' followed. In 1935 Christiana D. Morgan and Henry A. Murray published their first paper on the Thematic Apperception Test (TAT). Soon thereafter, psychologist Saul Rosenzweig either privately developed or came into possession of an apperception test designed specifically for homosexual males. Little is known about the Homosexual Apperception Test or (HAT). Between 1948-1950, an explosion of these tests occurred: the "PictureStory Test" (Percival M. Symonds, 1948), the "Make A Picture Story" (Edwin S.

Shneidman,1948), the “Four Picture Test� (Dr. D. J. van Lennep, 1948), the "Children's Apperception Test" (Leopold and Sonya Sorel Bellak, 1949), and "The Blacky Pictures" (Gerald S. Blum, 1950). While each of these tests attempted to offer a unique perspective to the study of personality, what all of them actually had in common was the same basic premise: vague and ambiguous images would elicit stories from individuals that indirectly revealed subconscious traits of their personality. For it is precisely within our own personal stories where our deepest motivations, desires, fantasies, needs, experiences, conflicts, memories, beliefs, thoughts and feelings all survive and thrive.

Growing up as somewhat of a juvenile delinquent, I had to take these tests periodically, and needless to say, they left an indelible mark on me. Primarily, I was bothered by the imperfect quality of the illustrations, and I was always deeply troubled by the stories they prompted from me. I will never forget the first time that I was administered the TAT: in my stories, I broke some kid's violin; I had sex with and then immediately murdered a librarian; I got drunk in the middle of a war and killed my entire squad in an act of "friendly fire;" on two occasions, I escaped the clutches of an evil child molester; and among other things, I drank the blood of animals. The stories that I created from the TAT and other tests were more frightful to me than any of my real and experienced nightmares, and I certainly never fantasized about doing such horrific things, not even in my daydreams. From this mere fact, one might say that the tests were actually working by digging deep into my psyche. However, the major problem I experienced with the projective tests was that they never seemed to lead to a reliable or credible diagnosis. Different doctors would interpret them using a multitude of techniques and scoring systems, ultimately attaining various, conflicting results. Many times they would contradict one another, and on more than one occasion, I was informed afterwards that I either had every single psychological problem ever documented or that I had no psychological problems at all. However, besides scaring the hell out of me, the tests did begin to help me form a dialog with the therapists, which was Dr. Schwarz's sole intention in conducting his "Social-Situation Pictures" study.

Over the last few months I have begun revisiting these tests, first collecting all of them and then taking the tests over again, but this time, I made a very important revision: I am the sole individual in charge of the evaluation. Since their inception, the process of evaluating the results of these tests has been believed by many to be an art form in itself. The reason for this is because there existed no one distinct analytic technique, standard, or norm. In fact, there were dozens of them. And judging by the volume and nature of the numerous books and articles related to these tests, one can safely say that in the beginning the tests themselves were studied more than they were used as a tool to study the personalities of people. (For examples of unique and widely varied scoring systems see "Thematic Test Analysis" by Edwin S. Shneidman (1951).

Because everyone was able to create their own scoring system, these tests were capable of saying more about the test administrator than they did about the test subject. It is my belief that in this 'artistic' experiment of acting as both doctor and patient, I would be able to discover at the very least insights about my personality from this single bias alone. Early in the test administration, instead of responding verbally, which is always the directive, I decided to illustrate my responses to and stories about the images directly on top of the test cards themselves. By conducting "art therapy" directly on the diagnostic tools, I am purposely deleting the role of doctor or therapist. Moreover, by bringing my own interpretive clarity to the vagueness of the imagery, I am not only visually expressing my personality but creating and revealing so much more.

*The majority of this article first appeared in Oxford University’s art history journal “Oculus”. Vol.1 Issue 2, “The Psychological”. It was published by the Edgar Wind Society in Oxford, United Kingdom in 2014.

Lennep’s Four-Picture Test Dr. D.J. Van Lennep, 1930 Instructions: Subject is asked to study each picture individually. Afterwards, they are instructed to use all four pictures to aid them in writing a story. They can begin with any picture and use them in any order they prefer, even using the same picture more than once to illustrate their story. Total administration time is 15 minutes. The cards are to be arranged in a specific square format when being evaluated. Note: Each card reflects different levels of social interaction: (I) two people, (II) a single person, (III) No one, (IV) A small group. Evaluations: One of the major problems I detected from this test was the coloring. All of the other picture story tests are black and white, and the dark and murky earth tones of the “Four Picture Test” looked depressing. That said, what this test seemed to do extremely well was capture my overall perception of pain and it did this subconsciously and very quickly. I am often fixated on mental and physical pain and have created many works of art dealing with this subject. When I experience extreme neuropathic pain I lose the ability to think critically and often begin to think magically with a slight leaning towards spirituality. Since my late teens I have practically been driven to tell others about my experiences with pain and my perceived relationship between pain and spirituality. I found it quite remarkable that this test was able to identify that part of my personality so clearly and concisely.

I was standing outside in the rain when my neck started getting stiff and really hurting. So I went upstairs to lay down and then I got an ocular migraine. I went next door to see if my Chinese neighbor had any Excedrin and he shouted, "Tou Tong!�, meaning headache, and then he hit me in the chest with a martial arts lightning bolt and magically transformed my pain into a halo. The next day I felt hungover, drained and kind of blue so I went to a tennis match and told everyone at the country club about what had happened to me the previous evening.

Social-Situation Pictures Dr. Louis A. Schwarz, 1932 (reproduction) Instructions: Any card can be used as a conversational aid. Evaluations: As these pictures all depict situations involving children, the images took me back to scenes, memories and stories from my childhood and youth. I wasn’t easily able to identify with all eight of the situations depicted, and as conversational aids it wasn’t expected of me.

2 - “Wake me up when you wake up.” One time when I was very young my mother told me, "Wake me up when you wake up." I had never been asked to wake her up before and didn’t know how to do it. The next morning when I woke up she was dead asleep. I kept walking in and out of her bedroom not knowing what to do. I didn't know how to wake her up and so I bit her big toe as hard as I could thinking that would probably work. She jumped up out of bed screaming and then bit me back on my forearm. She bit me so hard that she left teeth marks on my arm for over a week.

7- “Let the dogs out!� In the 5th grade a girl named Angie told me that if I came over to her house she would give me a recipe to make my own Play-Doh. When my friend Paul and I got to her house she let us inside and yelled, "Lindsay! Let the dogs out!" We got mauled by 2 Doberman Pinschers. We didn't know why she did this to us but we always thought her mother had put her up to it. At least we knew that her mother had taught her how to make Play-Doh.

Thematic Apperception Test (TAT) Henry A. Murray & Christiana D. Morgan, 1935 Instructions: The subject is asked to create a story about each picture. They are told that each story should have a beginning, a middle and an ending. The subject is also encouraged to try to describe what the people in the pictures are thinking and feeling. Evaluations: This test is still in use today. I have been given this test several times in my life and I remember many of the stories I created from it. It has been 15 years since I took it last so I purposely chose to create new stories instead of illustrating ones that I remembered. I was impressed with how the clothing seemed to withstand the test of time. The cards themselves are very evocative and the images lend themselves well to the imagination. What I noticed about myself this time around is that as I am older now there seems to be more of a focus on my body than in previous years. There was a lot less violence this time around, and nothing perverted or dealing with sexual molestation. I still appear to have some control issues and irrational fears, but I am able to spot them now and even laugh at myself about them. This time the test seemed more playful to me and I was able to let loose and have some fun with it.

3 BM- “Break Up At The Carnival” Here is an ex-girlfriend of mine holding a Polaroid picture of me smiling. A symbol of happier times. Next to her on the floor is an automatic pistol. She is crying and thinking about our big fight at the carnival where we broke up for the last time. She has always had major depression and is seriously contemplating suicide. The word “ONE” is separated by stereoscopic vision and the child representing behavior. The other child ready to fight represents words and thoughts. Actions speak louder than words. Her fate is sealed. When the sledgehammer comes down the bell dings, the balloon gets popped by the dart, the warning sign fulcrum collapses under the weight of loss and the bullet projectile will rip through her skull like JFK. I am unaware of all of this because we have not spoken in years.

6 BM- “I Bitch Slapped The Devil, And That's All You Need To Know” (No Comment)

7 BM- “Don’t Take My Advice� A young man is driving me crazy asking me for relationship advice. His speech is flustered. He wants to know if he should propose to his girlfriend or not. The conversation is long and drawn out and taking forever because his mind is made up already but for some reason he feels the need to convince me of his decision. It is not going to happen. At this point in the story he is listening to me tell him things he does not want to hear. To me he is still a child. Throughout the conversation there is a little humor and a lot of frustration. I tell him strange things. I compare marriage to peristalsis and even tell him how to survive a house fire, but nothing I say really matters and he ends up getting married without my blessing.

8 BM- “Stalin And Van Gogh Perform An Alien Autopsy” I am chief surgeon of a well respected European hospital. I feel very important. I am overseeing an alien autopsy being performed by Stalin and Vincent van Gogh. I have turned my back on them because I trust that they will do the job well. Like most chief surgeons my narcissism is so immense that it overshadows any curiosity to see what is actually inside of this the alien’s body. Stalin carefully makes the first cut. He mumbles to Vincent that the alien’s skin is as tough as a turtle shell. The alien is still alive and beginning to suffer physically. Both sad and angry the alien thinks, “I need my ray gun!”. I am looking at you as my mind begins to wander. I think about war, breakfast and flying saucers. I fantasize that while under hypnosis both Stalin and van Gogh claimed to be abductees and that the autopsy is their way of exacting revenge. Not even sunflowers and the hammer and sickle can save the alien from their vengeful intentions. The horse is named Theo of course and he is the only one present capable of empathy. Vincent is a bit concerned that this will be their only chance to see what makes the alien tick and he is afraid that they might screw the procedure up. Even though I am chief surgeon, I am not in any position to save the alien. My hands have been tied by the bureaucrats above me. There is nothing we can do. Science creates the best art forms of killing. We are all doomed.

9 BM- “Battle Fatigue” We are soldiers. Weekend warriors. We are chameleons, rattle snakes and rams living among the population. We are always ready to strike and yet we are tired and fatigued by paranoia and incessant preparation for the inevitable warfare to come. Both our brains and our bodies are sluggish. We never get enough sleep because there is too much important information that we need to know on TV. Trapped in the omnipresent red status, the highest level of alert, we are always aware of the hidden dangers of our enemies. Our only way to briefly escape is to get high and roll around in a field hoping we all get poison ivy, poison oak, or poison sumac or something. Anything that will get us sent back to the infirmary. We need a furlough bad. We are so incredibly tired that when we are stoned we can’t even laugh. In the end we get pounded into oblivion by our own artillery.

12 M- “There’s Nothing Magical About False Memory Implantation” On the right side of the picture is an inferior colliculus/thalamus warhead and not a 'smart bomb’. It is a bit more impulsive. The bomb is transmitting sensory and motor information to plot its course for mass destruction. This type of weapon is more than just a metaphor for what is happening to me in the present. A doctor subcontracted by the government is using proven and tested scientific psychological methods to get me to believe that I was once captured, held prisoner and tortured by Al Qaeda. It never happened and despite his best efforts I still know that this never happened. He remains overly calm and determined throughout the entire process. Any pain I feel is only imagined and not the result of true tissue damage. I am physically relaxed but mentally I am struggling. I am heavily engaged in resisting these attempts at brainwashing. I feel myself being torn because if I continue to play along with him, there is a great chance that the programming will start working. I have been told that this is how it begins. One keeps playing along and over time the game slowly becomes real. I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him know that it isn’t working either or I will be declared “unfit”. Sperm fertilizes the lightbulb idea that the history of the symbol of psychology in itself is very telling. For the time being, my fornix is hardened like plastic and I wear it like a virtual reality helmet. I am wholly unable to be manipulated by him but I have to continue to keep playing along. Or do I? I don’t know how this ends, it is still taking place.

13 MF- “Erectile Dysfunction (ED)” I have erectile dysfunction as well as Peyronie’s disease. I am constantly humiliated, embarrassed and ashamed of my condition. I cover my face as I reach for the rubber replacement. Sex is natural and everywhere around me. The woman in the bed lays their patiently. We don’t talk about it. We never talk about it. When I see animals ‘doing it’ I feel like I am less than a man and less than an animal. I am screaming inside. I am incomplete without a working penis. I run out of the room leaving the girl naked and unsatisfied. In the end no one is able to express their love for me physically anymore.

17 BM- “Reach Out I’ll Be There Fail” This is a fairy tale. The pink lady’s slipper is just as much a symbol of masculinity as it is of femininity. From the side it looks like a scrotum. Either way, I am happy. I am climbing up the rope naked. I am exhibiting my strength. I am proving my manhood to the lady in the building. My testicles are hanging free. I hope to show the lady that I’m really strong and healthy and could be a worthy suitor. My cock is the staff of Hermes. The lady in the building is smiling and happy that I am climbing up to her instead of asking her to climb down to me. In the end, like most asshole guys, I really just want to get lucky. I am singing to her “Reach Out I’ll Be There” by the Four Tops really loud. Little did I know that the Bee Queen knows every rotten trick that guys use to get women into bed with them. The Bee Queen, upon seeing my swollen testicles understands my true motives and sends one of her soldiers after me to protect the lady in the building. As I climb higher and higher and closer to the lady, the soldier bee stings my balls repeatedly and I fall, spinning into infinity, then a lower case omega scrotum. The end.

18 BM- “Green Recluse” I am frozen with panic. My chest tightens. I am afraid that I was bitten by a green recluse spider even though I am pretty sure that they don’t exist. It feels like they are crawling around all over my body. I feel Nicole’s hands pulling on me trying to calm me down. Spiders are like vampires only more evolved. The skin near my thumb liquifies and turns to jelly and is sloughing off. There has to be a reason why this is happening, but all of my fears seem irrational. I am too afraid to go to the doctor. I am too afraid to hear the bad news. I am too afraid to leave the safety of my living room. I just need to rest in the nice air-conditioning and hope that my body heals itself.

Homosexual Apperception Test (HAT) Recovered from Saul Rosenzweig’s estate (reproduction) Instructions: The subject is asked to create a story about each picture. They are told that each story should have a beginning, a middle and an ending. The subject is also asked to try to describe what the people in the pictures are thinking and feeling. (Note: Information concerning this test is still a mystery. The Homosexual Apperception Test (HAT) was discovered among Saul Rosenzweig’s possessions more than three years after his death. The imagery on the HAT cards is terribly outdated.) Evaluations: I was homophobic in my youth. Gay people were extremely terrifying to me, especially if they were in drag. In prison I had to grow out of that fast. With this test I didn’t face my fears, or drudge up latent homophobic hostilities, but instead it gave me a chance to illustrate some personal feelings and stories. I didn’t really learn anything about myself other than the fact that over time prison has become a symbol of rebirth for me.

7- "My name is Henry, but my friends call me H." When I was living at Hope Haven Mission in Kingsport, TN a man named Henry Rhoton would call the homeless shelter and ask them to send men over to his house for work. He would pay you 20 dollars to pull weeds out of his garden with your shirt off. One time he asked me, "Are there a lot of gay boys down at the mission?" He said if I brought one back with me later that night he would treat us to a steak dinner. So I brought Paul David Miller with me. We walked up to the side door and looked in. A man with hairy legs was wearing stockings and a bonnet. He was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Henry. We were nervous so we went around to the front door instead and rang the doorbell. The man in drag scurried away to the back room. Henry said, "Come on in!" We went inside and Henry started rubbing Paul David Miller's shoulders right away. He kept offering us milk and cookies, and I kept reminding him about the steak dinner. I didn't eat the cookies or drink the milk but Paul David Miller did and became intoxicated or poisoned. I was worried the whole time that the man with the bonnet was going to come out of the back room and put a pistol to our heads and make us do sex acts on them. Once Paul David Miller realized he had been drugged we were out of there and I had to carry and drag him part of the way back to the mission. We never got the steak dinner, and I never pulled weeds without a shirt on for 20 dollars again.

9- “I am my own worst Bubba” Prison has become a symbol of rebirth for me. It is always the good spiritual side of me that lets me know when I’ve screwed myself over again. The good side is always full of negative self-talk. One would think it would be the other way around, but the bad side of me does stuff like drop the soap on purpose and then waits for the good side to get behind me. The Ouroboros encircles the sewer like a hula hoop waiting for the pelvises of both sides of me to start gyrating. I messed up again. This time the government won’t ever be letting me go.

Symonds Picture-Story Test Percival M. Symonds, 1948 Instructions: Subject is told that this is a test to measure how creative their imagination is. They are encouraged to create a story with a beginning, a middle and an ending for each picture and they are also told that the story can be as wild and absurd as they like. Evaluations: This test was designed to bring about adolescent fantasies, but as an adult retaking this test my imagination seemed to have dulled a little bit. I felt like the stories weren’t quite as imaginative as when I took this test as a troubled kid. I did see some of my fears exposed which at times was a little alarming.

1B- "Suicide by Cop" I wasn't thinking straight. The police were after me. Instead of thinking from A to B to C, my thoughts were all over the place. All that I wanted was my slice of the pie. Tonight I was going to get it! However, the only way I could get it was by robbing someone with a meat cleaver. The image of a slice of pie turned into lacerated flesh. What have I done? And for nothing! Once the police helicopters started searching the area the slice of pie/lacerated flesh turned into the tectonic plates of a 4.6 earthquake separating and shifting beneath me as my world was about to come to an end. I was angry with myself and ready to die and totally prepared to force the cops to kill me.

2B- "Prom Night" My daughter was getting ready for her prom. I had to let her go. She was growing up so fast. She was my little bird and on prom night the cage would be empty. She was excited because prom night was a very special ritual in American life. A night she would remember forever. She was planning on losing her virginity beneath the stars after the party. Like almost every other girl she has a negative self-image and when she looked in the mirror one last time she saw her ugly self as well as the death of her innocence. But the thought of being around all of her friends and with Roger made her excited and happy. Deep down inside she was hoping she would be prom queen. I was standing behind her a bit worried. I didn’t want to let her go. I myself never went to a prom. To me it was like jumping through hoops, a boring ritual formality.

3B- "False Positive" My girlfriend's period was late. She thought she might be pregnant so she took a pregnancy test. Two blue lines meant positive. One blue line meant negative. But when she took the test she got one blue line and a faint hint of another one. We didn’t know know that it meant negative also. We were confused and upset and in shock that she might be pregnant. We had used protection. We were sitting in the car and she was scared, worried and thinking, "But we used a condom. How could this happen?". I was scared and worried, and angry thinking, "I bet she took a needle and poked a hole in that condom!" I was very upset with her. But it turned out the results meant negative and that she wasn't really pregnant. We broke up soon after because I wasn’t able to fully trust her after that and we never had sex with each other again.

4B- "The Birds and the Bees" A mother is telling her youngest daughter about the facts of life. What started the conversation was that she had gotten a urinary tract infection and asked her mother if a stork was coming. A secret admirer had left a flower for her while they were at the doctors office. The oldest daughter knew about periods and was thinking about tampons and what it would be like for a little creature to be growing inside of her. The mother is wearing a heart shaped fanny pack over her privates so she can zip and unzip it up whenever she wants. The mother tells the youngest daughter that sperm is like tiny little rattle snakes that come out of the man’s penis. She is trying to scare her daughter away from having sex. It worked. Frightened to death, the youngest daughter burns the love note that came with the flower and waits a few more years before losing her virginity.

5B- "Evil Babysitter" I had an evil babysitter that was really mean to me. She told me to stop playing video games and take a nap. I wouldn't listen to her. She broke my arm fighting to get the video game controller away from me. When my mother came to pick me up that night and saw that my arm was broken they started arguing. The babysitter lied and said that I was trying to steal cookies out of the cookie jar and had fallen off of a ladder. She was a great liar. She said when I fell it looked like the space shuttle challenger disaster right before the O-ring failed. My mom was so mad at her and I was really hoping that she would pull out a gun from behind her belt and blow the babysitters brains out all over everything. After that I wouldn’t have to stay there again. I hated babysitters. I hated all of them. I just wanted to stay home by myself and play video games all day and night.

6B- "Love is a Battlefield" On the way to get Chinese food I accidentally stepped on somebody’s heart and got slapped in the face. Then I tried to step on another girl’s heart on purpose and got booby trap punji sticks stuck in my foot. I could barely walk. I never made it to the Chinese restaurant too much flowers and smoke and traps. Once I made it home I smoked a bong and sat alone thinking about the mating ritual of cats and how much simpler it must be for them. It didn’t bother me at all to be alone. I was very relaxed.

7B- "Stand Your Ground" Late at night I heard a sound. At first I thought it was a raccoon on the roof or even in the house bumping into things. I got up to investigate. I got my pistol out of the gun safe. I was thinking that I was in charge of my own neighborhood watch. I took the gun’s safety off. We see through the prism of our own eyes, seeing what we want to see. At the bottom of the stairs was a beautiful burglar caring a bag of my valuables. Time was running out for her. I demanded that she leave or face the consequences. "Get out or I'll shoot!", I yelled. Because it was dark and I was blinded by my own paranoia I was not seeing things as they really were. In fact the lady was my landlord and she was only carrying her large designer purse. No one had seen me for a while and she came over to do a "welfare check" because she was genuinely worried about me. She let herself in when I didn't answer the door. I almost killed her for checking on my well being. I ended up getting rid of my gun, it wasn’t safe for me to have one.

8B- "The Problem with Arguing” I got into an argument with a woman. I was telling her about tiktaalik and she got upset and responded badly. Though I didn't know all of the facts, I was doing the best I could to explain evolution to her. I felt like I only had part of the story. Once emotions got involved, I felt like I had a reptilian brain and that she had turned into Phineas Gage after the accident, an emotional basket case. As the conversation turned to behaviorism with the logic part of my brain missing, it could only seem like the puzzle was being put together with incorrect geometry. There was no winning this argument. It was a stalemate. We weren’t on the same page. It was then that I realized people’s thought processes can work very very differently.

9B - "D.C. Central Lockup" I was at the D.C. Central lockup for stabbing someone with a butterfly knife. I was beating myself up mentally. The child inside me was punishing myself chasing my thoughts around with a whip. Flying about my cell were severed limbs with cherub wings. How could I have let myself come to this? The church outside of my window has an upside cross on its steeple. Perhaps the devil really did make me do it. That was just wishful thinking. I had no one to blame but myself. I had great trouble forcing myself into denial.

10B- "Visiting My Grave" First the match burned out and then the flies came. I was slowly being reduced to atoms. Quickly buried wearing only my socks and a pair of checkered flag boxer shorts my body was becoming bloated in a shallow grave. I was not embalmed or buried properly at all. I do not know who killed me. Every now and then a sad and somber farmer's daughter comes to visit my grave. She brings me pretty flowers while her father looks on from behind. Did they have something to do with my murder? I will never know now. I am dead and decomposing and my thoughts have disintegrated into particles of nothingness and I am not even aware of their presence. The good thing is, the world has just become a little more peaceful and serene and relaxed now that I am no longer a part of it.

House-Tree-Person John Buck, 1948 Instructions: The subject is asked to draw a picture of a house, a tree and a person. After each drawing is completed the subject is asked a series of questions concerning the image. Evaluations: This was the first time I had ever taken this test. I thought it was rather interesting. As far as projective tests go it seemed to be quite revealing to me. It even seemed to quickly make conscious the angst I have concerning my mortality.

House: I live within the golden ratio. This is my dream home. I am very happy here. My life is structured perfectly as are the rooms around me. I make art and feed the animals outside. At night it’s like a zoo except the animals are all free to come and go as they please. I have visitors on special occasions, but mostly it acts as my hideout. It is a place where I always feel safe. The rooms are colorfully painted and reflect the spectrum. Starting with a red living room and spiraling inwards and downwards all the way to an indigo bathroom and the laundry/utility room is painted a nice violet color. Tree: This a young redwood. It has been cut down long before reaching the prime of its life. It is 45 years old, the same age as me. It is very hard to count the rings. It had lived through floods and droughts but it could not survive the progress of mankind. Now it’s just a stump, and yet it still gets a lot of sunshine. Person: The person is me. I am 45. My favorite thing to do is drawing. That and feed wild water turtles. I don’t like big crowds. Nicole Bailey looks out for me. I am thinking about how accurately I want to portray my likeness. I am fairly tired.

Make A Picture Story (MAPS) Edwin S. Shneidman, 1950 Instructions: The subject is asked to chose from a variety of background cards. Once they have chosen a background, the subject is then asked to pick from an assortment of paper dolls to create and act out a story on top of the card. Evaluations: This test was created for the disturbed adolescent and if I remember correctly, the one time I took this test I spent the entire session on a single card. Taking this test again and in the way that I did, I was glad to be able to spend a lot more time choosing the characters as well as the backgrounds. What this test seemed to do best was allow me to really open up and probably reveal too much personal information about myself. However, I don’t believe as artists we should ever censor ourselves. I mean what can we learn if an important part of the information is missing? The images and/or stories may be disturbing to some, but that was exactly what this test was created to reveal. My therapeutic illustrations are still rendered in a cold, simple and cheap clip art symbolist way, and I think that helps to reveal some personality truths without any of my emotions getting in the way.

1- "Lump Lumpf" I am Hans the main character in the book, "The Sexual Enlightenment of Children" by Sigmund Freud. In the book "lumf" or “lumpf” (German) is the sound feces makes when it hits the toilet water. Every one of Hans' problems seems to be lumpf related. Here, my mother finds a "lump" on her breast and thinks she has breast cancer. She is totally distraught and everything seems futile. She wants to give up and throw herself off of the bridge. As Hans I tell her, “Do not worry, it is only lump lumpf! If you jump your breast will become a hardened sea shell and your body hitting the water will make the sound of lumpf.” I sound just like Freud. On the bridge there is dog lumpf, urine and graffiti. As my mother drops the pink ribbon of breast cancer and is about to take the plunge she sees her breasts from three different perspectives: a healthy breast, a breast with a cancerous lump, and a bunny rabbit planted in her subconscious by the graffiti. One of the graffiti tags says, "Lump". The other graffiti is of a bunny, a cat and my initials "B.S." which also stand for bullshit because my mother would never jump.

2- “Eric Fischl Meets the Raft of the Medusa" (for Brant Withers) I am floating on the wreckage of a ship. There is a dog with me and we are the only two survivors. My clothes were lost in the ocean and my shoulders and the tops of my feet are terribly sunburned. The heat has made me delirious and in my mind I have somehow transformed into Eric Fischl’s “Sleepwalker” on Théodore Géricault’s “Raft of the Medusa”. Fortunately, we are on the verge of being rescued. It has been difficult trying to entertain the dog over these last few days. I am now relieved and explaining to the dog that the first thing I want to do is eat a hotdog. The dog is watching me shake my wiener and thinking, “I could eat that thing! But I just want to go home!” He is tired of playing fetch, but there has been nothing else we could do for fun.

3- "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome" A baby is born with 14 fingers. Three thumbs on each hand. I am the doctor explaining to the mother the results of drinking while pregnant. She has not seen her baby yet and I am trying to prepare her emotionally. “The female ovaries are like a grape bunch, yes?” When the mother sees the child waving its 14 fingers at her, the memory cork pops on the wine bottle she drank when pregnant. She feints onto the floor and starts shaking in remorse of the time she drank wine while pregnant. The nurse feels a sense of accomplishment as she delivered the baby perfectly and the 14 fingers were not her fault. The nurse is really glad that she doesn’t have to take responsibility for that. This is the 4th time this month that I’ve had to go through a scene like this and now it has become somewhat routine.

4- "Christian Home Invasion" One time I lied to these crazy Christians that were on the street protesting outside of an abortion clinic. I told them that I could take them to a secret location, a house, a private residence where doctors were giving abortions to women for free. They became so violently enraged that they just blindly followed me with out any further questioning. I counted on them being so irate and wanting to storm into the place and stop all of the babies from being murdered and it worked. As soon as we burst through the door and the little girl that was with them was out of the way, I yelled, "Now!" And my friend who was hiding inside laying in wait with a rifle started shooting the crazy Christians. He shot the father first. The mother holding the bible had the aggression of a lion. The father had the aggression of a tyrant. The daughter was more worried about getting caught breaking into someone’s house and worried what Jesus might be thinking. And I had a brass knuckle brutal street mentality aggression against these people which is why I went to such lengths to lead them into this death trap. My friend who shot them was angry too, but he was angry for different reasons.

5- "Officer Amos" When I was a child I stole drugs from a drug dealer and got caught selling them in school. Officer Amos was the one who arrested me. Officer Amos was also a child molester that worked for the juvenile crime division. When he retired one of his colleagues said, "He always worked well with the troubled kids." That is because he molested us, and afterwards we never wanted to get in trouble again. Whenever he searched you he would touch your privates and pull on them trying to masturbate you. I can’t stress this enough, you did not want to get in trouble with him, ever! When Officer Amos caught me selling drugs in school, he told me to draw a map leading him to where the drug dealer's house was. I did it right away and without hesitation because I did not want him to molest me again. The threat of forced gerbiling made me pee my pants. In this memory image I am a monk overseeing all of this. The two fingers of God symbolize molestation as well as the price of the marijuana I was caught with. At that time one finger amount of weed was called a nickel bag, two fingers was a dime bag. 5 and 10 dollars respectively. Officer Don Amos caught me with a dime bag. He never caught me with anything illegal or doing anything wrong again after that.

6- "Halloween" The morning after Halloween we found a person hanging from a tree by the neck near my house. My neighbor thought that the KKK did it. Another lady who happened to be passing by at the time thought the grim reaper had done it. She had always thought that the grim reaper was "cool" until he had come there that night in real life. But I knew better, I knew for sure that the girl in the dinosaur costume killed the ghost for stealing her candy. But all of us were wrong. The bunny rabbit saw the entire thing and knew that it was someone from the military. But the bunny did not care about that. It wasn't the bunny's problem. The bunny was more worried about what the military was doing to make the sky so crazy yellow like that.

7- "We Ran Out of Gas" Nicole and I were driving through the woods looking for what we call our “wild neighbors”. Our animal friends living near our home. As always, she was looking really beautiful that evening so I pretended like we ran out of gas. I did this so I could try to put the moves on her and have crazy animal wild neighbor sex in the woods. Once out of the car I became Desena, a Native American sacred fire spirit ready for love! Nicole was thinking, "We ran out of gas? Yeah right! I am going to pour some gas on that ass!” The flowers imitated all of the different sex positions they witnessed. Little did we know that there was a boy hiding behind a tree watching all of this. When we found out about him later, that was a little creepy to me.

8- “If You show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine” I felt the gravity of the Earth strongly pulling on me at the bottom of a dried up ocean bed. The brutal landscape was like Mars. The heat was scorching and blistering. I lean my head on a rock. “I can’t watch this!”, as two children are discovering the differences between their bodies for the first time. Multiple universe thought balloons display what they are thinking. Each child associated the other’s genitals with a common sea creature which is interesting because this place has been a desert for a long time. I guess the sea creature analogies made them less frightening and intimidating. I’m trying really hard not to pay attention. This is so bizarre. The boy has his teddy bear on a leash. The teddy bear has homemade stitches on its forehead symbolizing its mental healing. Time heals all wounds, but time can be bent and manipulated in space. In this case the density of mass can fluctuate so much that things seem to be happening too slow and too fast for these kids. Someone will need to talk to them, but it’s really not my responsibility. I’m not looking. In fact I don’t even know what I’m doing here. This place just looks totally surrealist and crazy to me.

9- "Closet Masturbator" The police are investigating an alleged homicide. They have no body. The only evidence they have against me is extremely weak eyewitness testimony. The bad thing is they were still blaming it all on me. When they came with their search warrant they found me hiding in the closet masturbating. For years I had been secretly addicted to pornography. It was an awkward situation to say the least. But I was legally able to be present while they were executing their search warrant. I knew my rights, and if they were going to search through all of my stuff I was going to make it a really awkward and inconvenient situation for them, so I didn’t stop touching myself while they were behind me. I wasn’t guilty, so I had nothing to lose. One of the police officers sprayed Luminol on the carpet while the other demanded that I stop touching myself and come out of the closet. But I told him I wasn’t in public and I could do whatever I wanted in there it was my house and they were the ones invading my privacy. As long as I didn’t turn around I wasn’t exposing myself and breaking any laws. One officer said the Luminol under the black light was like fluorescent jellyfish. The other officer said it looked like a swarm of fireflies. Over my shoulder I yelled back that I had been doing it for so long that I had hoped it would look more like the Milky Way. They left pretty soon after that.

10- "The Night I Stabbed a Punk Rocker" In February of 1990, I was drunk and stabbed a punk rocker. He was wanting to fight. He had a straight razor and I had a knife. I punched him and kicked him repeatedly before pulling my knife out. I didn’t want to look like a wimp in front of the other people on the street so I threatened to kill him about 5 times and he still kept trying to cut me. Finally, I pulled out my knife and stabbed him multiple times very fast. He collapsed and I imagine he started heading towards the tunnel of light. I ditched my knife in the sewer so nobody could find it if they went to court. I was thankful and lucky that he didn't die. I went to prison for eight months and my number was Washington D.C. Department of Corrections #244-748.

11- "Ceremonial Magic and the Creation of TV" In an ancient cave, a neanderthal woman stands firm guarding the entrance. She has lived here all of her life. On one side of her is the symbol of "The Intelligence of Venus" attached to a simple series circuit. Inside the electric circuit is the symbol for the demon Baal. On the other side of her is a TV but it doesn’t get very good reception in the cave. It mostly just picks up static and TV snow, but every now and then in the evening a channel does come in. Right now she is praying to me for I am the evil wind spirit. She is praying to me so hard that she won't miss “Wheel of Fortune” and “Jeopardy” but I’m afraid it won’t happen tonight. She needs to think about getting out more often. I tell her that if she gets out more often she could get better reception but she’s old and really set in her ways.

12- "The Heroes" My bowling team "The Heroes" are receiving a trophy for winning the 2013 Grand Championship. Every one on the team had nicknames, the cop was "Skate", The superhero was "Dumbo", and I was "Mr. Cripple" because I got my genitals shot off in the war along time ago. Since then I’d lost one of my legs while rescuing a girl that had fallen in front of a train. Dumbo had a perfect game during the championship. He bowled a 300 against the TVA Titans. Skate bowled a 287. I wasn’t feeling that well, I had dropped down to using a 12 pound ball since losing my leg and my best game of the series was only a 248, but we were good enough to win and a lot of people were still proud of me. Especially since I didn’t quit or give up after the accident. The only reason why I am standing in front is because I was the team captain. It wasn’t because I was the best bowler on the team or even because of any sympathy they may have felt for me. We have a lot of fun on bowling nights! And I’m so happy that each of our team members are all heroes in real life.

Blacky Pictures Test Gerald S. Blum, 1950 Instructions: The subject is told to pretend that they are Blacky. As the cards are being presented to them the subject is asked a short series of questions about them. Evaluations: This test was the most ‘Freudian’ of all of them. Using a family of cartoon dogs to elicit responses concerning sex from children was pretty unsettling to begin with. The results at times even made me nauseous. I felt psychologically healthy while answering the questions, but I felt pretty ill when doing the art therapy. I purchased this test in a condition that would best be described as “well used” and the thought of hundreds of children going through all of this made it worse. I almost vomited from my own imagery.

1- (Oral Eroticism) "Allergic to Formula - They Had to Feed Me Over the Answers: 1. (a) Blacky is happy. 2. (b) Mama is pleased but tired. 3. (b) Blacky would rather stay as long as possible to be sure he gets enough nourishment. 4. (c) Blacky sometimes doesn't get enough to replace all of the energy he burns up. 5. (c) Blacky feels like he will want to be on his own very soon. 6. (b) In the future Blacky will enjoy eating but will like doing lots of other things just as much.

5- (Masturbation Guilt) “Lucky Charms” Answers: 1. (a) Blacky is happy without a care in the world. 2. (a) When he is older and doing this he will still be happy without a care in the world. 3. Blacky is thinking about a girl dog he met at the park. 4. Blacky has no irrational fears concerning this behavior. 5. If Mama comes over and finds Blacky she won’t say anything. She will go away and give him his privacy. 6. If Papa comes over and finds Blacky he will make a joke to lighten the awkwardness of the situation and maybe say, “Sorry to bother you son.” then Papa will go away and give Blacky his privacy.

Children's Apperception Test - Human Figures (CAT-H) Leopold and Sonya Sorel Bellak, 1966 Instructions: The subject is asked to create a story about each picture. They are told that each story should have a beginning, a middle and an ending. The subject is also asked to try to describe what the people in the pictures are thinking and feeling. Evaluations: This test was designed specifically for children. I had little if any preconceived ideas about the meanings behind each card. I took it as if I was an adult taking an adult version of the test. Some of the cards elicited fantasies, quite a few subconsciously reflected memories as well as my feelings towards some childhood events. Not much was revealed here about any of my needs and desires but it was still pretty interesting to me. I did notice for the first time that I tend to use humor when avoiding something potentially frightening.

1- “The Picnic� The kids said they wanted to go on a picnic. I wasn't feeling well and so I put a picnic table cloth down and made a big bowl of potato salad and then said to the kids, "Here's your damn picnic!" One kid looked at the bowl and thought, "But I wanted to look for snakes at the picnic. The other kid looked at the slop and thought, "That looks like shit! I'm not eating that!" And the youngest kid thought, "I wanted ice cream at the picnic." None of the kids would eat it. I told them they could not leave the table until the potato salad was gone. But by the time the sunset came around, none of them had even tasted it and so I pulled out a pistol and shot a rubber chicken.

2- “Tug of War� There was a lizard on an island and all three of us wanted to keep it as a pet. We decided to play tug of war for it. Whoever won the game got to keep the lizard. The 2 youngest kids agreed to share in the responsibilities of keeping the lizard but I wanted it all for myself. So we were playing tug of war. The youngest kid was thinking that he was as a strong as a viking and pulling really really hard. The other kid was a gamer and liked comics. He was a little overweight but still pretty strong. While he was pulling he was thinking about Thanksgiving, sharing and eating an entire turkey. The tension in the rope was incredible. It was like Orion hunting Ursa Major but forever held together in space by gravity mass density or something. Meanwhile I was thinking about sex and joining the Army. My hormones kicked in and my adrenalin and testosterone started overflowing. I won the game of tug of war, but while we were fighting over it the lizard got away. No one got to keep it as a pet. We were all losers.

3- “A Battle of Wits� I wanted new wheels for my skateboard but my father would not buy them for me. So one morning I put my skateboard at the top of the stairs so that when my father came down for breakfast he would step on the skateboard and fall down the stairs and die. It worked but he managed to grab the rail and he only broke one of his legs. We were caught up in a battle of wits. Like a game of chess he thought I was a pawn in his game and he was willing to sacrifice me for the win. I was prepared to shoot him if necessary. He threatened to castle me and switch the rook with the king sending me to an institution for trying to kill him, but when he did that he left my knight open and put himself in check and I got a brand new skateboard.

4- “The Crazy Lady Across the Hall� When I was six years old, I lived in an apartment in Long Beach, California where a severely emotionally-disturbed woman lived across the hall. She looked like a witch, and whenever I made a loud noise, like accidentally letting wind blow the front door shut, the woman would suddenly fly into a rage and begin smashing everything in sight. All the residents in the building would immediately stop what they were doing and listen to her break dishes, bottles, and mirrors, violently empty her closets, cabinets, and drawers, and then drag her furniture back and forth across the floor until she either exhausted herself or was taken away by the police. Meanwhile at school, a lot of the Mexican children were unusually cruel to me. They threw sand in my face and then chased me away; and if they caught me, they would beat me until I soiled myself. On one such occasion, I had managed to run away from them but got lost in the process until I found myself wandering around the streets of Long Beach, alone, scared, and disoriented. While looking for a police officer to help me get home, I saw the disturbed lady from my apartment building riding her bicycle. Secretly, I followed her and safely made it home. A month or so later on Halloween, much to my surprise, the disturbed lady gave me a giant chocolate bar, the first nice gesture she had ever shown me. My parents and their friends, on the other hand, were more cautious. Immediately, one of them snatched it from me, passed it around, took turns inspecting it, and smelled it before finally throwing it in the trash for fear that she had poisoned it.

5- “Playing Doctor” The kids next door wanted to play doctor. They put some of their parents' pills in their babysitter's tea hoping she would fall asleep. When she passed out they started playing doctor. Unfortunately, the babysitter died. The parents came home and found the body. They covered her up with a white sheet and called the police and EMS. They did not know what had happened. One kid told the other kid, "Don't say anything or we will be in big trouble.” He could be so cold and cruel like that. The other kid felt bad that they had killed the babysitter but it was too late and he couldn’t take it back. I saw everything through the window and I never told anyone either.

6- “Camping Trip� My parents and I went camping. My dad forgot to pack the tent. We had to sleep in our sleeping bags outside. Little did we know that the place we picked to camp at was located right next to a dead deer and a giant ant hill. We started being eaten alive in our sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and was looking at the ant hill and thinking how it must look like an active volcano inside. My mother was asleep and dreaming and while she was getting bitten she was subconsciously relating the ant hill to the great pyramids of Giza. My father was really getting eaten up and bitten by ants and so he was dreaming about being tortured on a Judas Chair. Oh It was so miserable and never again did we go camping without a tent.

7- “Malaria� When I was a very young child I got malaria. I had a fever and thought that I was being chased by a savage cannibal in the jungle. He was a really weird man. He had hippie tattoos but was also into heavy metal. He said he wanted to play a game called "Chimpanzee Raping a Frog". I knew from his pants that he would be the chimp. I told him, "Mister, leave me alone I'm just a tadpole! I'm not even a frog yet. Please, I don't want to play this game." It was a terrifying. Even the moss at times looked like genitals. The spade is an upside down heart with a staff stuck in its butt. This was his idea of love but the frog inside me knew better. The frog was filled with shame. The savage man captured me and tied me up near the rocks. There was no escape and I never got away from him.

8- “Eavesdropping on Ladies Night� My mother had some friends over one night and sent me to bed early. The cat was hiding because the ladies were being pretty loud. I got caught eavesdropping on their conversation and was trying to hide my erection. My mother said, "If you keep playing with that thing, you are going to get hairy palms!" I said, "Well then, buy me a blow up doll!" Everyone laughed but her and then her friends started whispering. While my mom was scolding me I could still hear them. The lady in green said, "I think he's hung like a horse." to which the other lady replied, "I wonder if he has a penis pump?" I was a bit embarrassed because my grandmother was in the photograph overseeing all of this and I don't think she would have approved.

9- “Babysitting� While I was babysitting I heard a loud bang. We went into the safe room and I put the bed over the trap door. I hid off to the side of the doorway thinking someone had just been shot in the head and got their brains blown out. I was listening, waiting to hear if there were going to be any more gun shots. The kid I was babysitting was very alarmed and thought someone had lit a stick of dynamite. As it turned out, it was only the mother coming home from a wild night of drinking. She took off her clothes and the loud noise that we heard was her opening a bottle of champagne. She was riding the pink elephant and really whooping it up having fun, but both of us in the safe room were completely mortified.

10- “I Don’t Want to Take a Bath” I was a child and had just had a bath against my will. I didn't want to take a bath in the first place, but my mother had forced me. I was restless and while she was trying to dry me off I was trying to grab the cat that was in heat. The cat was thinking about lion sex and really worked up. I was out for blood, but in a playful way. My mother was thinking about hanging herself. She couldn't take raising me alone much longer. She spanked me several times on my wet bottom and then put me to bed.

Roberts Apperception Test Glen E. Roberts, Ph.D., 1982 Instructions: The subject is asked to create a story about each picture. They are told that each story should have a beginning, a middle and an ending. The subject is also asked to try to describe what the people in the pictures are thinking and feeling. Evaluations: This test was created in the early 80’s and pretty much designed to do the same things as all of the other apperception tests. I believe that it also attempted to correct or at least address the problems with some of the older tests. The imagery seemed more current and up to date too. A lot of study and research went into its creation. The situations depicted are also very reminiscent of the “Social-Situations Study” by Schwarz. Many of the cards depict specific scenes and situations that troubled kids can often identify with. I think because of that, I was instantly brought back to my own childhood and all of the test cards elicited strong memories. Because of its effectiveness, a newer version of this test is still in use today.

4- “Night at the Movies� When I was 14 my mother wrote a note for me so I could get into R rated movies without being accompanied by an adult. One night I went to see Mausoleum alone and noticed a blind girl in line at the theater behind me. Before the movie started I was looking around the theater and the blind girl and her dog were sitting in the very back row. It struck me as odd that a blind girl would see a scary movie alone, but I was alone too and thought maybe this happens alot. Anyway, after the movie ended I went to the bathroom. When I came outside of the theater there were cop cars and an ambulance on Elden St. in front of the theater. I ran over to see what had happened and the blind girl had got run over and was laying in the road. The dog also got run over and was breathing heavy but I didn't want to paint that I thought it would just be too much to handle. I sometimes wondered if she had stepped out in front of the traffic on purpose, as if she went to see a movie blind and then committed suicide. Or maybe the soundtrack just knocked her senses out of whack. I don't know, could have just been an accident I guess.

14B- “The Day I Brought Vietnam to School for Show and Tell” One time in the 6th grade I did my ‘show and tell’ on the Vietnam war and frightened the teacher terribly. I painted violent scenes of war directly on the fuzzy wall and when she came back from lunch I think my teacher was too afraid to stop me. In the end she had to because I wasn’t quitting. My presentation was actually much more graphic than what is depicted here. Besides illustrating the shootings, bombings and bloodshed I also illustrated bamboo growing into the rectums of seated POWs, as well as the Vietcong inserting a glass rod into another POW’s urethra and then smacking it and shattering the glass inside the prisoner’s penis.

Adolescent Apperception Cards (White Version) Leigh Silverton, Ph.D., 1993 Instructions: The subject is asked to create a story about each picture. They are told that each story should have a beginning, a middle and an ending. The subject is also asked to try to describe what the people in the pictures are thinking and feeling. Evaluations: This test was created in the early 90’s and is still in use today. The quality of the illustrations by Laurie Harden are far better than the previous tests. I could tell that they have made some advances in the projective picture story method. However, I didn’t learn much about myself during the administration of this test. It seemed to work best at recalling memories for me and not necessarily traumatic ones either.

2M- “The Quest of the Absolute” Immediately after graduating from college I started reading feverishly. I must have read over 100 books in only six months. At one point I had just finished reading a book by Freud and had started to read a book by Balzac when all of the sudden different connections from different books started rapidly forming in my mind and my head instantly became engulfed in flame. It was a hallucination brought about by the written language. Even though the flames were not hot, I was still screaming and running for my life because I was in shock. I ran out of the building and down the street trying to put the flames out and get the flames out of my eyes. I even tried to outrun them. I returned home and just sat there with the top of my head on fire. It was an incredible experience. I often find myself unconsciously trying to have this experience again only with materials from the visual arts, but so far no luck. However, I was able to experience this again on numerous occasions during the “Third Ear Experiment”. When given enough quiet and peacefulness in my environment I was able to recreate the head engulfed in flames hallucinations whenever I wanted to.

6- “Sorry buddy. Your fish died.” I was asked to watch and feed a neighbors fish for him while he went to the beach for a few days with his family. I watched the fish every night. I fed the fish the perfect amount of food and he relieved my stress by staring at him. Then one morning I found him dead and floating on his side. The neighbor came back from the beach that afternoon. I saw him coming over to get his fish and I stopped him in the middle of the yard. I told him very frankly, “Sorry buddy. Your fish died.” I could tell he felt physically ill inside. I tried to comfort him but didn’t do a very good job of it. I myself have never been able to become emotionally attached to a fish like that.

INKBLOT TESTS In 1921, Hermann Rorschach published a book titled “Psychodiagnostik” along with ten plates which would later become known as the “Rorschach Test” or “Inkblot Test”. The “Rorschach Test” is a projective psychological test composed of symmetrical abstract stains that have the potential to look like different things to different people. Since 1927 the “Rorschach Test” has been widely used despite constant and considerable criticism of its validity. Responding to these perceived failures of the test, others have tried to improve upon it by making variations of the plates and even designing their own inkblots with little success. The most popular of these are: the “Behn-RorschachTest” (Hans Zulliger 1941), the "Tafeln-Z-Test" (Hans Zulliger 1951), the “Holtzman Inkblot Test” (Wayne Holtzman 1961), and the “Somatic Inkblot Series” (Wilfred A. Cassell 1980).

Behn-Rorschach-Test Hans Zulliger, 1941 Instructions: The subject is asked to look at each card and describe what they see. They are also encouraged to point to areas of the card to aid them in their descriptions. Evaluations: I chose the Behn-Rorschach-Test version of the test for several reasons. One of the reasons was because I personally had never taken this version before. Another reason was that the inkblots themselves are less familiar than the more popular version we see everywhere today. The results are pretty straightforward. What you see is what I saw and what I saw were mostly animals and absurd things.

Test Card I

Test Card II

Test Card III

Test Card IV

Test Card V

Test Card VI

Test Card VII

Test Card VIII

Test Card IX

Test Card X

Bryan Lewis Saunders "We Don't Need Another Doctor, We Can Run Our Own Tests"

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