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arijuana, alcohol, nicotine, PCP, heroin, cocaine, crack, smack, meth, mescaline, vicodin, morphine, xanax, acid, shrooms, adderal and just about any paraphernalia you can think of. It all started about 6 years ago, this story from hell. Or did it start 40 years ago, my dad’s run at the hippie life style. Acid tripper, pot head, just like everyone else. Just like everyone, it did not stay that way. My own father lost his best friend to a cocaine overdose while he was racking with him. He still smokes weed, but his mansion and cars prove that drugs don’t lead to hardship and struggles, right? 6 years ago was when Dani, my sister, began her run at insanity. A little weed, a beer
or two, whats the harm? 10 shots down, and more to go. She’s a beautiful model, she’s supposed to party. This is the life she was destined to live, right? The girl who has treated me like shit deserves to enjoy the great times and the fast lives while I sit here as a miserable nerdy fat 6th grader. God how jealous I always was. To live the life and be popular, what right does she have? I hate that bitch, why should she enjoy her life while I’m miserable. I hope it all comes crashing down on her, I thought to myself. We’ll, dream come true, I guess. A beer and a joint transformed into a crack pipe and some tweak, meth, up for days cutting her hair and picking at her face. Sitting in my room night after night hearing my parents yell at her, pretending it wasn’t happening. She
kept screaming “fuck you! You’re not here to help me! You fucking assholes just want to torture me!” I knew differently, I knew they cared for her and never wanted her to ruin her life. She had other plans. She quit modeling because she wanted to party, assuming that when she is older and is done with her “phase” she’d continue her career. Now she’s 15 years old, and I’m 14, happy as fuck that she’s being sent to rehab. I finally have that bitch who’s tortured me for so long. I’m glad she’s gone, and that will never change. Fucking tweaker. One year later, I’m 15 and she’s 16, and she’s finally out of rehab. She’s so good to me, and I love my sister. She can smoke and drink, she spent a year in rehab, she deserves it. Hell, I should too. Might as well try it, it’s not like I’ll end up like her. God I love my sister, good thing she isn’t doing drugs. I’m still sick of where I am, but I’m not fat, I’m becoming attractive, maybe it’s time to start the party. Sure Juli, I’ll smoke with you.
CARTER RUSS
Mark thanks for the weed. My first experience with paraphernalia, why did I wait this long? This is great! I should do this every fuckin’ day. I’m not a hardened addict like my sister, I’ve always been smarter and better than her. I’m finally happy and she’s sulked in her drug-induced misery. She must be jealous as fuck of me. Dani you wanna smoke? It’ll be even better brother and sister bonding time. And times were good, until she started to go down again, but I didn’t care, I was joining her. Times were good for me, I’m sure she’ll be fine. I tried cocaine Dani, it was alright, probably won’t do anything like that again for a while. That was a good prediction, but moderation was quickly thrown out the window when I found ecstasy. I was scared taking my first two pills, but Kevin was there. My best friend who had dabbled with drugs before knew what to do. So I thought he had just dabbled. The ecstasy week was amazing, that was just over a year ago. What I would
do to relive that week, but I’d never do it again. The whole gang, including Kevin continued doing drugs. We had our stunning girlfriends, too. Molly didn’t approve of me doing ecstasy, which is funny now that I’d consider her a self-medicating addict/alcoholic e-tard. We continued to party, and things were great. I stopped caring about anyone else except for myself. I was popular, I was partying, and I was getting girls. This is the life I’ve always wanted, I’ve made it. Thank you drugs. I knew I didn’t have a problem, and to this day I know I didn’t at this time, but Kevin was not so lucky. His drug abuse escalated privately, which is something I never found out until long after. His use wasn’t for fun like how mine was, he was self medicating for his ailing pain and depression. Life got him down, and drugs made him numb for as long as they last. One day in sobriety, he couldn’t take it anymore. He tried to drive himself off a cliff, but he survived by hitting a wall. He hit rock bottom going 60 miles an hour into a brick wall, which saved his life. I still remember 1 week before he was going to rehab. I was driving him, and I was rolling. He was hammered and I remember him screaming “IT DOESN’T TAKE THE PAIN AWAY ANYMORE! NOT LIKE IT USED TO!” He burst into tears and smashed his head against the dashboard. I said nothing. His last day before rehab he did what he always did. Drank as much as he could just to remember the feeling. He intentionally got as drunk as he could just to show his parents how much they fucked him up. I remember picking up his drunk ass off of the driveway to help him into his father’s car. He was laughing, even though he couldn’t stand up. He was happier that way. I sent him off thinking “this is what he needs. He needs help, he has a problem.” And I proceeded back into the house to rejoin the party going inside. I drank more that night, never thinking twice about it. I wasn’t an addict, he was. I had the right to press onwards. I’m using drugs the RIGHT way, whereas he didn’t. I continued on, feeling sorry for him, but not learning anything. Then I found out Dani had began using Heroin, and how in love with it she became. She was sent to a 1 month detox, and I was disappointed in what she did, but I wasn’t disappointed in what I continued doing. One April night me and all of my friends had planned to roll and have a great time. It was a Saturday. I remember leaving that morning saying I was going to be home late and my mom says “your sister comes home today and I want you to come to dinner!” Fuck that I thought, I have plans! I pleaded with her and she ultimately let me stay out late. I came home that night, just having gotten dome in a church parking lot while rolling. God life is
sweet. I was wearing sunglasses and glow sticks, shows how right my state of mind was. I parked my car slightly blocking the driveway, and the rest of my family wasn’t home yet. 5 minutes after getting home my dad comes in and says “Carter move your car!” I rushed up to do it, but as I passed him I noticed his awkward glances at me, but he continued downstairs to do his own thing. I ran up to move my car and I noticed that my mother was STARING at me, and I knew I was fucked. I knew she was going to end my party, what a fucking bitch. She stopped me from running down into my room, accusing me of doing drugs while we were in the garage. Claiming that she’s going to have me take a drug test, I confessed to my crime, and she began sobbing uncontrollably. My sister came up and asked what I did and I told her I did ecstasy and she left. 5 minutes later she returned crying “I’m trying to get off drugs and I come home and you’re fucking on ecstasy! Do you know what this does to me?” Then it finally hit me. How wrong I had been. I never thought twice about them, I only thought about what I wanted to do. That is what drugs do to your mind. After all of the yelling and arguing I was finally going to sleep, and my mom came up to my room after I thought she had gone to bed, and she sat at the foot of my bed and began making small talk with me. After about 10 minutes I asked what she was doing up here, and she told me she was tucking me in for bed. At that point I realized that she no longer had an expression of anger, disappointment, sadness or frustration, but she had a look of fear. My own mother was looking at me as if I would not wake up the next morning, that she was saying goodbye. I will never forget that image. Obviously I woke up the next day. No punishment was placed on me, but I got the message. I stayed completely clean for over a month. Summer came along and Dani and my mom had moved to New York. It was just me and pops, and life was good again. Hanging out on the beach all day just smoking weed and drinking on occasion, though I continued to take a strong stance against drugs. Louisa and I were doing it together. God if only I had turned Daria away, but her charismatic and flirtatious personality drew me in like a moth to a bright light. I never knew how hard my crush was, until I realized what I would do for her. September, school’s started again. Danielle’s been partying in New York with celebrities all night long, and my summer just ended. Daria got into cocaine about 1 month before I did, but I always stayed away from it. Eventually Louisa did it with Daria, and I thought “wow fuck it. Daria does it, Louisa did it again, I might as well give it 1 more go.” My mom called me and I talked to her for a good