your position, your level of education, and your geographic area.
Chapter 16 Six things Successful People Do When They Argue Arguing isn't easy, and conflict is generally recognized as one of the most dreaded and unpleasant aspects of daily social interaction. But even if you'd do almost anything to avoid it, occasional conflict is a necessary part of a healthy and well-balanced life. And in our complex modern world, navigating arguments can be a vital survival skill. So what are some of the moves that highly successful people make when they find themselves facing a disagreement or trying to win someone over to their own point of view? 1. They stay calm. No matter how high the stakes may be, successful people recognize the value of emotional control. This doesn't mean they have no emotions. It simply means they control how those emotions are presented on the surface. A red face, a tense jaw, tears, stammering, and shouting are all signs that a person is losing control of what they may say next, and therefore their words are dismissible. When you bring a difficult point home successfully, people tend to notice and focus on your words more than your body language. But when body language takes center stage, the emotion becomes the whole message ("I'm sad," "I'm angry," etc.) and the actual words are often ignored or forgotten. 2. They concentrate on what the other person wants. Dale Carnegie said it best: "What matters most is what matters to the other person. Not to you." If you'd like someone to grant you a favor, see things your way, or take action on your behalf, get out of your own shoes and get into the shoes of the other person. And remember that "what the other person wants" may not be a material thing. Your opponent may be trying to save face, to do her job correctly, to uphold a public persona he cherishes, to get out of painful position, to solve a problem you may know nothing about, or simply to be heard and acknowledged. 3. They listen and they make it known that they're listening. If two participants aren't listening to each other, arguments are just noise, and the process becomes fruitless and awkward for both parties. Really listen and give your partner the benefit of the doubt. And show that you're doing this by nodding, asking for clarification when you need it, and repeating the person's statements back to them in your own words. 4. They stay focused on the big picture. Successful people aren't willing to "win" at all costs, and they know how to recognize what's really happening in the room and what the long term outcome of the argument will be in the event of either victory or defeat. Even if they are focused on winning, they recognize that winning doesn't happen all at once. If you can simply plant the seed of possibility on your opponent's mind, or open the door to your point of view by just a crack, it's okay to walk away for the time being.
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