Ask the Experts Local Parenting Experts and Readers Weigh In Different Parenting Philosophies
Healthy Food Choices
My spouse and I can’t agree about how to parent our children. I’m strict, he’s laid back. I expect them to meet high standards, he wants to let “kids be kids.” How can we find a way that will keep us both happy? Help!
I’m trying to encourage my child to make healthy choices with food. How can I encourage a 9 year old who only wants a fast food kids meal that it might not be the best food choice?
Kids need parents to be on the same page when it comes to parenting and discipline, or there will be confusion about expectations and that can lead to kids manipulating parents to play one against the other. It can also lead to arguments and frustration between you and your spouse. Sit down with your husband and discuss what is important to each of you when it comes to parenting your kids. Keep in mind, it’s your job to help your kids learn to become independent, responsible members of society. How do you see that being accomplished? How does your spouse see it? Come up with a list of big issues and how you can both agree to handle them. If you feel strongly about how to handle particular situations, explain why you feel the way you do and listen openly to your husband’s opinions too. You each may learn the other has valid reasons for handling some of those issues in a different manner than you do. With the smaller issues, choose
your battles wisely and determine what is truly important and what is negotiable.
Tamara Walker is a registered nurse, talk show host and speaker in Edmond. www. momrn.com. Reader feedback:
• Begin with the end in mind. What type of adults do you want your children to be? What do you hope your children learn from you and by watching you? I really got a lot from reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. • Taking a parenting workshop together in something like “Love and Logic” may help you talk it out and find the common ground. • Remember your goal as parents and go from there. Thanks to Mikel I., Sarah T. and Annie G. for your feedback!
Bedtime Battles My children are great! Except at bedtime. Then it’s nothing but attitude and fighting and arguments and frustration. Is there a foolproof way to get my child to go to bed? I wish there was a foolproof way to deal with Reader feedback: any childhood behavior; but with kids, you • My kids act that way when they’re already have to be ready with a plan B, C, D and really sleepy. Maybe you could try moving sometimes E. I do have a few ideas to help bedtime forward 30 minutes or so. make bedtime more peaceful at your house. • Maybe a warning about 15 minutes before Start off with a family meeting, which is a you begin your routine, such as “15 more good idea to do anytime you change house minutes until it is time to start getting rules, to let your children know what’s going ready for bed” and then five minutes, etc. to happen. Make a chart for each child that • Each night, my kids would each get one shows bath time, tooth brushing time and “free” time to get up, call mom or dad into bedtime. Do your best to stick with the times, their room, etc. Then the next time would but also let them know that you may have to result in negative consequences. It was adjust it occasionally due to activities. Give VERY hard for us to stick with this the your child some options for the first 15–30 first month or so, but it SO paid off! They minutes they are in bed (for instance, read are awesome about going to bed now. or listen to soft music), but have a definite lights out time. Let your children know that a calm bedtime is an expectation in your Thanks to Audrey O., Kami M. and Rachel house. Set up consequences for undesirable K. for your feedback! behavior if you need to. You can also help them transition to the new plan by winding down the activity in the whole house around bedtime. Good luck and sweet dreams! Lanet Clark is an elementary school counselor in a metro-area school district.
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www.metrofamilymagazine.com | June 2013
First and foremost, don’t take him to fast food restaurants if you don’t want him ordering a kids meal. Make sure your choices help his choices. Secondly, make it fun. Develop creative and fun ways of serving what he might see as boring, healthy choices—celery is always better with peanut butter!
Donnie Van Curen, M. A., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist with Counseling 1820, LLC. 405-823-4302, www. counseling1820.com. Parents should be in charge of a nine year old and what he eats when he is with you. So if you don’t want him to eat kids meals, don’t take him to fast food restaurants, except for a treat. It’s fine to communicate with your child that fast food isn’t the best choice, but if you want him to eat in a healthy manner, you need to feed him healthy foods. And remember, the best way to teach your children how to eat healthy is for you to eat healthy and serve healthy foods.
Devonne Carter is a clinical social worker in private practice in Edmond. 405-326-3923, www.carterscounseling.com Our Readers Respond:
• Let them help cook. My kids found they could make some foods better than what they find in fast food restaurants. Also, try something outside your own comfort zone. A kid who really likes Chicken McNuggets may find he likes sushi even better. The more foods they try, the more options they have. • Children learn by example. If you are eating healthy your child will, too. • We had a weekly “pick out something you’ve never had before from the produce section” game going for years. It got them to learn about food, be open to new ones and make better choices. Thanks to Dorothy H., Jennifer W. and Blair F. for your feedback!
For more input from our experts on these questions, visit www.metrofamilymagazine. com/ask-the-experts.