Melbourne Observer. 120307A. March 7, 2012. Part A. Pages 1-24, 29-30, 43-44, 47-48

Melbourne

Observer

TOP VALUE

$2

THE GRAHAM KENNEDY LETTERS NEVER PUBLISHED BEFORE

95 NEVER PUBLISHED BEFORE

72 PAGES

IN HIS OWN WORDS, THE TV ‘KING’ TALKS ABOUT ★ HIS BROKEN LOVE AFFAIR ★ HARRY M MILLER ★ THE STAR WHO ‘WANTS SOMETHING FOR NOTHING’ 6-PAGE FEATURE. WARNING - PROFANE LANGUAGE MAY OFFEND NEWS ★ SHOWBIZ ★ LIFESTYLE ★ TRAVEL ★ FEATURES ★ BARGAINS ★ SPORT

WHY MTR FAILED Page 62

Melbourne

STATE EDITION Vol 44 No 1465 SERVING VICTORIA SINCE 1969 Ph 1-800 231 311 Fx 1-800 231 312

KRISTY’S NEW CD Page 6

Observer WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7, 2012

NEW! MORE PIX PAGES

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

$2.95

including GST

PASSION

PAPER SAYS SORRY Page 5

FESTIVAL’S URGENT FIGHT

MELBOURNE’S GREAT DIVIDE

Page 9

Melbourne

Observer ISSN 1447 4611

■ Miriam Margoyles shows passion in her work, Dickens’ Women, which plays in Frankston tonight, and continues in Geelong and Ballarat over the coming week. Cheryl Threadgold’s review, and opening night pictures are on Page 11.

Photo: Prudence Upton

■ Yvonne Malik was raised in north suburban Reservoir, with Egyptian heritage.

3AW traffic reporter Caroline Ferguson was brought up on a rural property, and went to boarding school in Melbourne’s leafy south-east.

The pair have combined to perform in Pyramids And Pimm’s, for the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

The comedy duo look at the great divide between north and south of the Yarra. The show - with lots of laughs - has been written and produced by Ferguson.

The show debuts at The Butterfly Club, 204 Bank Street, South Melbourne on March 28, and runs until April 22 (each Tuesday, Wednesday & Sunday) at 9.30pm Bookings: comedyfestival.com.au or call 9690 2000 after 5pm.

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND - FREE READER ADS - PAGE 31

Page 2 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Editor’s Choice page is now on the Inside Back Cover

Melbourne Observer

W hen you lose someone you love you don’ don’tt need someone telling you how it is is..

You need ggenuine enuine empathy and sup port. support. ement details You need clear arrang arrangement details..

You need things done the way you want.

Most of all you need to ffeel eel included - lik amily. likee a ffamily.

How do we know?

Because that’ hat we do that’ss w what do..

T ender Moments - Tender Care

9369 4919 24 Hour Service Altona - Laverton - Werribee www.candlepines.com.au

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne

Observer

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 3

Breaking News

It’s All About You!

Melbourne

13 MONTHS JAIL OVER Observer MOBILE PHONE SCAM In This 72-Page Edition

‘Whodunnit’ mystery

● Veronica Hannebery plays retired Magistrate, Mrs Boyle, in STAG’s production of The Mousetrap.

Photo: Kellie Tweedale of KT Pearl Photography ■ Strathmore Theatrical Arts Group REVIEW BY (STAG) is presenting Agatha Christie’s classic masterpiece The Mousetrap until March CHERYL THREADGOLD 10 at 8pm at the Strathmore Community Hall, cnr Loeman and Napier Sts, Strathmore. jor Metcalf), Veronica Hannebery (Mrs The limited release of amateur rights in Boyle) Clare Hayes (Miss Casewell), Dennis honour of the 60th anniversary of the original Hine-St Clair (Mr Paravicini) and Andrew production are now frozen and STAG is thrilled Scarborough (Christopher Wren). to be presenting The Mousetrap to Melbourne Agatha Christie’s skilfully crafted play was audiences, under the direction of Drew Ma- originally written as a 20-minute radio drama, son. commissioned by the BBC to celebrate the An air of nervous anticipation is sensed in 80th birthday of Queen Mary. the audience even before the show starts.

The Mousetrap is now the longest running The play is set in 1952 and eight people play of all time. become trapped in an isolated guesthouse durSTAG’s cast does well in creating the charing a blizzard. acters to absorb us into this thriller and the The phone lines are down, the roads are nursery rhyme Three Blind Mice will never be blocked … and then one of the eight is mur- the same again for audiences. dered.

So … whodunit?

The cast, under Mason’s direction, builds Audiences have been asked for 60 years at up appropriate tension to ensure the audience the end of each show not to reveal the culprit, sits on the edge of their seats, accentuated by so you won’t read it here. clever use of doors and entrances.

There is, however, opportunity for you to Tony Leatch has designed and constructed find out on March 7, 8, 9 and 10 at 8pm. a warm and atmospheric set representing The Tickets are $20 full price, $15 concession, Hall at Monkswell Manor. $2 off full price tickets for groups of 10 or Cast members include Luke Smith and more and you will also enjoy the friendly hosKellie Tweedale (guesthouse owners Giles and pitality of STAG’s front of house staff.

Mollie Ralston), Matthew Martin (Sergeant Bookings: 9382 6284 Trotter) and guests Roderick Chappel (Mawww.stagtheatre.org/reservations

■ Rakesh Kumar has lost his Court of Appeal bid to have a 13-month jail term reduced over his involvement in a $763,938 mobile phone scam.

Supreme Court Judges Weinberg and Hollingworth that Kumar was architect of the scam which also involved Salil Ghag, running through a company known as TMZ Group, trading as Leading Edge Telecoms.

The men, with Mandeep Singh Chawla, arranged for orders to be placed with Telstra for mobile phones. The orders were placed in fraudulent names.

The phones were sent to vacant properties, the addresses of which were sourced through estate agency websites.

‘Attempted delivery slips’ were picked up by accomplices who collected the mobile phones from local post offices.

The phones were then sold to a retail outlet in Sydney.

Kumar received about $350,000 for his part in the scam. Ghag and Chawla received $122,036 and $95,520 respectively. Co-offenders received $172,000.

Kumar used his money to acquire a share in a Telstra franchise. The Court Appeal, based on mainfestly excessive jail term and parity, was rejected.

Top 5 THE TOP 5 THINGS BOB CARR MIGHT FIND IN KEVIN RUDD'S OFFICE 5. A carton of hair spray.

4. A Mandarin/English dictionary 3. A huge stack of frequent flyer points.

2. A suit-coat with several knife holes.

1. A copy of the book ‘Rarely Used English Words’.

Observer Showbiz

Latest News Flashes Around Victoria

Footy official charged ■ A senior Victorian football club official, in his 50s, has faced Court for 19 child sex offences. The man cannot be named due to a suppression order.

Fraudster appeals ■ Chartwell fraudster Graeme Hoy has appealed against the jail sentence he received for the $80 million collapse.

Funeral burn-out ■ Ocean Grove driver Jayden McKenna, charged with being the principal offender in a burnout spree at a funeral, has been jailed for two months.

Annual Subscription. Special: $99

Melbourne Observer 45 Copies Mailed ToYour Home Discounted by $127.Hurry!

Posted anywhere in Australia Melbourne

Observer STILL ONLY

$2

64 PAGES

GIANT HOLIDAY X-WORD Pages 54-55

OPRAH’S MELB. VISIT Page 10

Mike McColl Jones

Mark Richardson: Donna Demaio ......... Page 4 News: Observer says sorry ................... Page 5 Melbourne People: Etihad party time ..... Page 6 Di Rolle: Say hello to Rilka .................. Page 8 Melb. Confidential: Festival’s fight ......... Page 9 Showbiz: Dickens’ Women first night ..... Page 11 Long Shots: Shame on you, Yumi ........ Page 12 Yvonne Lawrence: Life and Style ......... Page 14 Kevin Trask: Phyllis Diller profile ......... Page 22 Radio: Why MTR failed ...................... Page 62 Harness Racing: Inter-Dominion Final ... Page 68 Jim Sherlock Aaron Rourke Cheryl Threadgold Julie Houghton

YES, THERE IS A SANTA

FINAL EDITION FOR 2010

Observer $2

NEWS ★ SHOWBIZ ★ LIFESTYLE ★ TRAVEL ★ FEATURES ★ BARGAINS ★ SPORT ★ PLUS ‘OBSERVER OVERNIGHTERS’

STATE EDITION Vol 42 No 1423 SERVING VICTORIA SINCE 1969 Ph 1-800 231 311 Fx 1-800 231 312

Melbourne

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2010

IDEAL XMAS STOCKING STUFFER

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

$2.00

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

including GST

Don’t miss a single issue of the Melbourne Observer. Take out a $99 annual subscription to the Melbourne Observer. We will mail a copy of the newspaper to you every week. The annual sub. price is normally $228, for a weekly copy to be mailed anywhere in Australia.

Simply complete the form below. You can pay by cheque, money order or Credit Card. Or phone our office on 1-800 231 311.

Mail the coupon - or phone 1-800 231 311 Subscription Order Form. $99 To: Melbourne Observer Subs 30 Glen Gully Road, Eltham, Vic 3095 PO Box 1278, Research, Vic 3095 Yes! Please mail me 45 editions of the Melbourne Observer.

I enclose Cheque/Money Order/Credit Card for $99.

Name: .............................................................................

Address: ............................................................................. ....................................... Phone: ......................................

Credit Card (Visa, MC, AE) .......................................................

Expiry: ..................................................................................

Page 4 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Mark Richardson ♥

Straight from the heart

E-Mail: mark@localmedia.com.au

ON THE SPOT WITH 3AW’S DONNA DEMAIO Porch Thoughts ■ Donna Demaio has just celebrated her 20th year at 3AW and remains one of Melbourne's highly respected and award-winning journalists.

With her finger tightly on the showbiz pulse, her mornings can start as early as 3.15am while she makes her way to the studio for her breakfast news shift.

Her afternoons are usually filled with luncheons or attending launches and, on a good day, Donna may find time to squeeze in a 'Nanna' nap before collecting her son from school.

Donna's evenings are generally filled with launches, previews, film screenings, premiers and interviewing celebrities, but recently took time out of her busy schedule to share her Porch Thoughts at the Southern Cross Station.

Why do you consider your 'Porch' to be train station platforms?

My life is so busy that it seems that it's often my only chance for some 'down time'. I reflect on my day and where I'm heading (figuratively and literally) as I travel to and from events mainly of an evening. I quite enjoy waiting for the next train.

Did you ever think you would be celebrating 20 years in radio?

I am shocked to have reached 20 years. It's not always an easy gig and I'm quite pleased to have reached the milestone.

● Sarah-Jessica Parker with Donna Demaio Photo: Jim Lee

● Donna Demaio prepares for a live news-read And, of course, I have had my pro- world that you haven't covered, but nunciation issues with certain names would like to? or words. But I'm not revealing what I would love to cover the Oscars they were - some things are best left ... from the red carpet to the afterforgotten.

You report on many gala events, parties ... maybe one day. is there one event anywhere in the ● Turn To Page 12

The Porch's Pink 'Chair-ity' Fundraiser

● Donna Demaio has celebrated 20 years at 3AW Photo: MHB Photography How did you celebrate your twen- plete by Diploma of Education. I also tieth birthday at 3AW? was still working as a check-out chick My very supportive (and proud) at Coles supermarket and selling CDs husband Michael Wooldridge actu- at Myer. I had a weekly breakfast gig ally rang the station to tell producers, on 3PBS FM after starting on night so Neil Mitchell kindly made a brief programs. mention on air and during the week Who has been your biggest inand Denis Walter also congratulated fluence or mentor in shaping your me while I was doing a live cross career? back to his program.

When I started, a wonderful jourI received some lovely cards and nalist Kelly Graham (now a Chaneven a couple of bottles of cham- nel Ten news producer) took me unpagne from industry colleagues - and der her wing. She helped me with evloads of pats on the back in the hall- erything from reading skills and buildway at work. ing my confidence, to coping with the Since I love a hearty lunch, my awful and seemingly interminable dear hubby took me for a delicious weekend and overnight shifts. dumplings lunch at the local Chinese Last year, 3AW's Kate Wilson on the actual day. had an attack of the hiccups during You knocked on the 3AW doors a live news read, and we all recall in your twenties trying to break into your famous brush with the Police radio, prior to that, what were you horse incident, have you experienced doing? any other 'hiccups' live on-air?

I completed my Bachelor of Arts deThere are so many times I have gree in Interpreting/Translating (Ital- nearly sneezed on air. I sneeze a lot ian language), then went on to com- when fatigued.

■ Some of Australia's creative celebrities have painted and decorated chairs that were unveiled last week at the Monash Gallery of Art and will be auctioned to raise much-needed funds for the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

Celebrities including Alex Fevola, Alyce Platt, Suzie Wilks and Peter Russell Clarke joined renowned artists Jamie Daddo, Jody Pratt, Jane Sinclair, Barbara Kitallides, Emilia Johari and Archibald finalist Sonia Kretschmar to create unique Porch chairs for the exhibition, inspired by the theme Pink: Life, Love, Beauty.

At the media presentation, photographer Alex Fevolva shared her inspiration behind designing her porch chair titled Chair of Hope, that features famous females who have survived breast cancer.

“My chair is meant to be an eye piece with lots to look at and a source of inspiration for people battling cancer “All the pictures are of women who have survived breast cancer and are now living happy, healthy lives. The words (on the arms of the chair) are 'hope' in different languages."

Organised by Melbourne outdoor furniture company, The Porch, the exhibition hopes to raise awareness of Breast Cancer and the importance of 'taking time to smell the roses'.

The chairs will be displayed at prominent exhibition spots around Melbourne and auctioned at Melbourne Central on May 11.

For exhibition details and preauction bidding visit www. .theporch.com.au/pink-chair-ity● Alex Fevola auction

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 5

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne

Observer

Financial Planning

Breaking News

‘ADVISER TOOK CLIENTS’ CASH’ Briefs Water ban

■ The State Government has declared water in eight Wimmera towns unfit for human consumption.

Water supplies from the Wimmera-Mallee Pipeline to Beulah, Brim, Donald, Jung, Rupanyup, Wo o m e l a n g , Wycheproof and Minyip have been deemed 'regulated' under the Safe Drinking Water Act.

Arson

■ Police believe that an arsonist is responsible for grass fires at Westmeadows. They say they are satisfied there were no natural or accidental causes.

To prison

■ Brazen thief Aaron Taylor, 20, who stole more than $20,000 in rings from a Bendigo jeweller while his friends distracted staff, is to serve six months’ jail.

Break-in ■ Ballarat man Paul Darren McDonald, 30, caught redhanded by Police after breaking into a local medical centre earlier this year has been jailed.

McDonald broke into the UFS centre, using a jemmy, which set off a silent alarm.

He has been jailed for three months.

ASIC ACCUSES PETROVIC ■ The Australian Securities and Investements Commission has permanently banned Nenad Petrovic, a former Victorian company director, from providing financial services after he allegedly dishonestly withdrew more than $200,000 from client accounts over a four-month period.

The action against Petrovic, now of Brisbane, follows an ASIC investigation into his time as a director and financial adviser of the boutique financial advisory firm, Mitchell Asset Management Pty Ltd, formerly Almane Pty Ltd, between November 2009 and March 2010.

ASIC’s investigation found that in the four-month period, Petrovic acted dishonestly and in breach of financial services laws when he made unauthorised transfers of client money from their Macquarie Cash Management Trust accounts to his own bank accounts.

The amount totalling $208,688 was used to pay off personal debts and to purchase shares in Petrovic’s name.

ASIC Commissioner Peter Kell saysASIC would act to remove dishonest operators from the financial services industry to improve overall standards and maintain the confidence of the investing public.

Mitchell Asset Management Pty Ltd has recovered $200,000 of the outstanding funds from Petrovic and clients have been reimbursed.

Petrovic’s conduct was brought to ASIC’s attention

by Mitchell Asset Management, who cooperated with ASIC’s investigation.

Petrovic has the right to appeal to the Administrative Appeals Tribunal for a review of ASIC’s decision.

Stripped at La Mama with Jon and Andrew Rancie of Rancie McLean Financial Planning Level 4, 420 Collins Street, Melbourne Vic 3000 Phone: 9671 4990

Dollar Cost Averaging Does It Work?

● Caroline Lee features in her new onewoman show Stripped at La Mama Theatre from March 7 – 18. More details on P61.

Photo: Laurence Strangio

‘OBSERVER’ SAYS SORRY Enchanted evening at Mornington

● Lucy Nicolson

■ Beleura House and Garden, Mornington is proudly hosting an OzChild musical soiree, Some Enchanted Evening, on Friday, March 16 and Saturday, March 17.

Bus transfers will be at 5pm for a 6pm performance. Showcasing the talents of the Mornington Peninsula’s own opera singers, the program includes Lucy Nicolson, Pete Smitheram, Monique Le Bas and Michael Laity, joined by the OzChild Glee Club Choir.

Enjoy the most loved melodies of South Pacific and other light opera. All proceeds raised will go to the OzChild Performing Arts Program for young people with a disability.

Tickets: $70 adults, $65 concession, includes a light supper.Bookings: OzChild Mornington, 5975 7644.

Go! Show this Friday

■ The Melbourne Observer published a report, ‘Teacher Struck Off’, in its February 22 edition.

That report contained information that had been published in the Victoria Government Gazette, and was apparently authorised for publication by the Victorian Institute of Teaching. That edition of the Gazette remains online as we go to press.

This newspaper was last week informed by the Office of Public Prosecutions Victoria that the case was the subject of a suppression order made by County Court Judge Gabriele Cannon in November last year.

A copy of that suppression order supplied to the Melbourne Observer refers to the accused by a pseudonym only.

This newspaper was unaware of the prohibition of publication on the reporting of proceedings. At no time did the Melbourne Observer seek to breach any order.

The Melbourne Observer has previously editorialised over the need for such orders to be followed.

The online copy of the Melbourne Observer was removed within 15 minutes of us being informed on Wednesday last week (Feb. 29).

This newspaper did not intentionally breach the suppression order. Through the OPP, and through officers, we have offered our unreserved apology to Judge Cannon and the County Court. We do so again today - at the earliest opportunity - in this public forum.

- Ash Long, Editor

■ Melbourne promoter Dennis Smith presents Go! Show Gold this Friday (Mar. 9) at the Palais, St Kilda. Performers include Normie Rowe, Ronnie Burns, MPD Limited, Bobby Bright, Dinah Lee, Darryl Cotton, Tony Worsley and the Masters Apprentices.

Valuable lessons can sometimes be lost due to emotional responses created from short-term volatility and disruption. It can be so frustrating!

One of the most straightforward strategies that can be utilised to assist client portfolios in times of high frustration and volatility is that of dollar cost averaging.

Dollar cost averaging is an investment strategy that can be used with any investment. Dollar cost averaging involves investing equal monetary amounts regularly over specific time periods (such as $100 monthly) in a particular investment or portfolio.

By doing so, more shares are purchased when prices are low and fewer shares are purchased when prices are high. The point of this is to lower the total average cost per share of the investment, giving the investor a lower overall cost for the shares purchased over time.

The really interesting thing with dollar cost averaging actually works better in volatile markets rather than those that gradually increase.

As investors we all prefer markets like those from 2003 to early 2008 when despite the odd “market correction” along the way the overall direction was pointing up.

Since the start of 2008 and the global financial crisis volatility has been ever present. 1% to 2% swings on a regular basis have coursed a significant amount of stress but interestingly enough some of us have become a little conditioned to it!

That’s a discussion for another time.

An example of a dollar cost averaging strategy is where $100 is invested over five time periods.

The market price of the investment begins at $10, falls to $7.50, falls further to $5.50 before bouncing back to $11 before settling back at $10. In other words the market over the five investment periods has ended where it started.

The bad news about dollar cost averaging is that some times you will be buying into a market at high prices although you will also be buying in at low points, which is where you essentially make your money.

In this case, at the end of the period by dollar cost averaging the investment portfolio was worth $606. Keep in mind, $500 was invested and the market ended where it started.

If you had invested the same amount in a market that rose steadily from $10 in $1 increments to $14, you would have had a portfolio worth close to $591.

The average cost of the dollar cost averaged portfolio was $8.25 compared to $11.83 for the gradually increasing market.

What we quickly learn here is less about the end portfolio value and more about overcoming our natural behaviour. We generally feel good about investing when markets are trending up steadily.

Markets that are volatile unsettle us and create doubt about the wisdom of investing and have us second-guess our decisions.

A disciplined investment approach like dollar cost averaging helps overcome that natural behavioural that wants us to try and time the market, which is fraught with danger.

As always, if you would like to review your personal financial situation we would be happy to meet with you initially, at our expense.

Jon & Andrew Rancie are Authorised Representatives of Australian Financial Services (AFSL: No. 297239) Note: In this article we have not considered your personal situation nor your goals or objectives. You should not base your future investment decisions on the content of this article. Before you invest your hard earned money you should consult a Financial Adviser and have your situation reviewed, clarified and agree to a strategy for investing for the future.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 6 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

21st birthday

People Melbourne

Send news to editor@melbourneobserver.com.au

● Julie Houghton and Christian Smith ■ Melbourne Observer arts writer Julie Houghton helped celebrate the 21st birthday of son Christian Smith at the European Bier Café at the weekend.

Christian was joined by father Allan, and guests were drawn from The Vocal Consort, the Royal Melbourne Philharmonic, the Consort of Melbourne, Boroondara Brass and MelbourneYouth Music.

Old school mates from Huntingtower School joined with university friends and rlatives to celebrate the night in style. ● Photos, Page 48

Fax: 1-800 231 312

At Miriam’s opening night

Awards ■ The Observer cameras were on hand for the Melbour ne Awards event held late last week. Turn to Page 47 for our coverage.

At Breezes

● Vito Mattarelli and Rachel Berger were at the opening night for Miriam Margolyes’s Dickens Women at the Playhouse, Arts Centre. More first night pictures on Page 11.

Photo: Oliver Ballantyne

Kristy’s new CD

Chocolate!

● Carrie Bickmore ■ Publicist Lucy Bucknall tells us that the Werribee Park Easter Egg Hunt and Family Picnic is a sell-out event. Proceeds go directly to the Royal Children’s Hospital Good Friday Appeal.

The event is being sponsored by Cadbury, which has appointed Carrie Bickmore, cohost of The Project, as ambassador.

● Luisa Valazza ■ Crown last night (Tues.) launched its Stars Of Stars event with a cocktail party at Breezes.

Timed to coincide with the 20th anniversary of the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival, the event features eight international chefs including: Italy’s Luisa Valazza, four of France’s best chefs including Thierry Marx, Serge Vieira,‘Prince of Pastry’ Stephane Bour and Jacques Marcon, SangHoon Degeimbre from Belgium, Tokyo’s Jun Yukimura and Kit Keung from Hong Kong.

Breezes restaurant was transformed into a food lovers’ haven as five of Crown’s ‘Stars of Stars’ chefs created their signature dishes, giving guests the chance to taste their way around the globe.

Finney in focus

■ Observer country music columnist Rob Foenander reports that Kristy Cox has released her new CD, Miles and Timezones.

“The 11-track collection is a fine mix of bluegrass and country tunes that sees Kristy collaborating with other well known song writers and musicians on a number of songs,” Rob reports.

“The album was recorded in Nashville and produced by songwriter Jerry Salley who has been described by magazine as one of the greatest tunesmiths.’

Rob’s Country Crossroads column appears on Page 50 in this week’s Melbourne Observer.

Party time for Etihad

Fashionista sista ● Australian Film Institute Chairman, Alan Finney, is the latest subject to be framed by Katoombabased artist, Victor Alejandro Peralta for the Archibald Prize. Entries for the 2012 controversial art competition started flooding into the Art Gallery of NSW first thing this week.

Photo: Carole Hampshire

● Melbourne-born James Hogan, President and CEO of Etihad Airways, will be in hometown this week to celebrate the airline’s fifth birthday in Australia. He will host a big party, just one week after launching scheduled flights between scheduled flights between Abu Dhabi and Shanghai, where he was pictured with cabin crew. This week’s Melbourne celebrations are accompanied by news that the airline has reported a profit for the first time.

● Myer ambassador Jennifer Hawkins was keen to be pictured with Melbourne fashionista Suzanne Carbone at the department store’s Autumn-Winner preview held at the Mural Hall on Thursday night.

■ We promised readers that we would publish a photo of young Quillan Palmer, son of Observer readers Dave and Naurelle Palmer of Seymour.

Quillan is a happy chap, and eagerly watches his Dad who is engaged on acting assignments around town.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 7

Page 8 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Been and Seen

Re-launch of ‘The Collection’ Cocktail Bar, Richmond. More photos on Page 68

● Natasha Cuthers-Clark and Sophie Randall-Hughes

● Nova 100's Jane Elliott with Mike Cuss

● Scott Fiora, Tony Sheahan and Ian Livock

● The Collection owners Owen Westman and Paul Fitzsimmons

● Keep Australia Beautiful ambassador Lara Shannon, Kathryn Brus and Helen Spear

● Maryanne Niceforo, Owen Westman, Jill and David Taylor and Paul Fitzsimmons

To

● Prospect 360 Fashion Media seminar panel (from left) Sarah Willcocks, Melissa Templeton and Anthea O'Connor

Daniel impresses ■ What a crazy week it was. With Julia and Kevin, things seem to have settled down with Bob Carr now at the helm of Foreign Minister and life will go on.

Settling back into work this week after my Dad’s passing I have found myself watching lots of television and whilst watching thinking about times past etc as you do in such times.

One young man who kept popping on my television screen was Daniel Radcliffe. I never got my head around Harry Potter and didn’t feel much interest in doing so.

However I must say how struck have been with his interviews and the way he presents himself.

He was impressive on Graham Norton last week and he has grown up. Wanting to move away from the Harry Potter genre, he is still a best-selling actor, his new movie The Woman In Black has become Britain’s highest grossing British horror film of the past 20 years, it has been reported by the Press Association.

The Hammer film in which the fabulously successful Harry Potter star (not to mention wealthy, he owns a home in our very own Toorak!) plays a grieving widower who travels to a remote village and stumbles upon an unforgiving ghost – the movie has raked in more cash than any Hollywood productions shot in the UK with British talent.

It has been No 1 in Britain for the past three weeks, taking in $21.6m. Simon Oakes of Hammer said: ‘The record breaking success of Women In Black is an important achievement that affirms the rebirth of Hammer.” Radcliffe next plays Allan Ginsberg in Kill Your Darlings, based on a murder of one of the American poet’s friends. I did a double take when I heard that he was going to play Ginsberg then I thought he will do a fine job. Being a huge fan of Ginsberg I will be looking forward to this film very much.

Di

I love my job!

Di Rolle is heard most Mondays with Andrew McLaren on 3AW, just after the 1am quiz.

For COME, SAY HELLO TO RILKA

■ I love to boast about my friends and if you are a regular listener to Lindy Burns program on ABC 774 you will have heard Rilka speak about her fabulous recipes.

A true Renaissance woman, Rilka is one of those women who always looks brilliant, speaks brilliantly and cooks like no-one else I know!

I recall some years back sitting over coffee with Rilka and discussing her dream of writing a book – she throws the most wonderful dinner parties and her dishes are most envied.

I am thrilled to be able to tell readers that Harper Collins has picked up Rilka and her book Rilka's Feasts will come to an ABC Bookstore near

with leading Melbourne publicist DI ROLLE

you this month followed by general release in April Rilka will be in a number of ABC stores over the next few weeks and if you get a chance pop in and say hi – between the hours of 12.30pm and 1.30 pm you can see Rilka

■ March 17, Chadstone ■ March 18, Knox ■ March 23, GPO ■ March 24, Doncaster ■ March 25, Ringwood Do come along and say hello to Rilka!

Be well, Molly

● Rilka is making appearances at ABC bookstores

● Molly Meldrum with Ziggy ■ So good to see Molly Meldrum home.

Take it easy Molly, we love you and despite missing you all this time, we want you well and healthy and happy.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 9

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Confidential Talk is cheap, gossip is priceless

CABARET FESTIVAL’S URGENT FIGHT TO STAY ON STAGE

Bitch Melbourne’s Secrets

Dee Dee bobs up at SEN

● Daniel Harford, Dee Dee Dunleavy, Rita Panahi and Jason Richardson at SEN ■ Former Gold 104.3 ‘breakfast’ co-host Dee Dee Dunleavy bobbed up on sports station SEN 1116 as a lunchtime guest on the Harf Time/Casual Friday spot.

It is a busy time for the long-time Melbourne radio favourite ... as it is for her professional partner, Peter ‘Grubby’ Stubbs.

They even launched a joint Facebook page this week. Things are happening.

More music on ‘MP’

■ MTR 1377 has been replaced by an automated music loop, MyMP. Industry observers predict that the machine will rate much better than the 1.4 per cent that MTR Program Director Steve Price was able to achieve in two years.

Car 54, Where Are You?

● At High and Valerie Sts, East Kew ■ An Observer reader e-mails: “This is a pot-hole at the corner of High and Valerie Sts, East Kew. It's not so much a pot-hole as a crater. Soon after I photographed it, a Honda Civic disappeared in it.”

Bitch is now on the hunt for Melbourne’s biggest pot-hole. Send us a photo and details of your largest local crater.

Next week is deadline to raise funds to stay alive ■ The Melbourne Cabaret Festival might not happen this year.

Melbourne Observer arts correspondent Julie Houghton says the July festival is urgently trying to raise funds by March 15, so that this year's event will not be cancelled.

“This is one festival that is entirely self-supporting - it is funded entirely through ticket sales, strategic sponsorships and fund raising dollars rather than using taxpayers’ money through grants.

“The campaign is attracting some high profile support - Australian of the Year, actor Geoffrey Rush has come on board, and has donated a limited edition Pirates Of The Caribbean T-shirt that was produced only for the cast and crew of the movie.

The T-shirt has portraits and printed signatures of the movie's stars, and it will be a prize in a draw that will take place for supporters of the fund raising campaign once the halfway mark of the $15,000 target has been reached.”

Two big fund raising shows have been scheduled for cabaret venue Downstairs At Alma's, 1 Wilks St, Caulfield North, on Saturday (Mar. 10) and Wednesday (Mar. 14).

Acclaimed cabaret performer Jon Jackson is working hard behind the scenes to get the word out and encourage people to come to the concerts. Jon is taking to the stage with a large number of cabaret star pals.

"I'll be joined by Billie Wilde, Susan-Ann Walker, Sally Bourne, Jamie Bretman, Karlis Zaid and Karen Muiznieks but there will be plenty more coming on board,' Jon says.

Financial support can be pleadged via www.pozible.com Bookings: www.down stairs atalmas.com or 0467 903 347

Whispers

Knife hit FILE PHOTO

■ Disability support pensioner Kevin Robert Lansdown, of North Albury,picked up a knife and threw it, a court heard on Friday.

The knife hit his partner near her left eye which caused a small amount of bleeding. Lansdown has been fined $400 and placed on an 18month bond.

Bailed

● Geoffrey Rush and Neville Sice: urgently seeking funds

Bad pill Rumour Mill for Jill

TIP: Big TV name’s contract about NOT to be renewed?

Hear It Here First

Prisoner on its way back ■ Foxtel is commissioning a ‘reimagining’ of the Prisoner TV program that starred Vel Lehman as ‘Queen Bea’ Smith and Colette Mann as ‘Doreen’. The original show ran between 1979 and 1986, and repeats are currently seen on cable channel 111.

■ Journalist Jill Singer is upset that her column has been dropped by the Herald Sun newspaper.

Singer took to social media this week to recford her displeasure: “Editor just boned me.

He will no longer "accommodate" my column. Replaced today by an item on ... Lara Bingle.”

● Val Lehman

Nixon back on the Tweet

● Ricky Nixon

■ Just a week after his latest arrest, and asking for his privacy to be respected, former AFL player agent Ricky Nixon (did his parents really bring another Richard Nixon into the world?) is back on Twitter.

Tricky Dicky is back chiding The Age journo who reported about contents of his website.

● Jill Singer

Funerals ■ Port Phillip Council looks set to introduce a fund that pays for the funeral of local aboriginal people.

E-Mail: Confidential@MelbourneObserver.com.au

■ A 14-year-old boy has been bailed after pleading guilty to lighting a $4.6 million blaze at a disued school in Melbour ne’s west, while his girlfriend was still inside.

$10,400

■ DC Roof Tiling of Bayswater has been ordered to pay a $7500 fine plus $2900 costs after an apprentice fell from a roof at Dandenong. The young man spent 12 days in hospital and went blind in his left eye. The company said it was not responsible for the loss of sight.

Printed by Streamline Press, 155 Johnston St, Fitzroy, for the publisher, Ash Long, for Local Media Pty Ltd, ABN 67 096 680 063, of the registered office of 30 Glen Gully Rd, Eltham, Vic 3095.

Page 10 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 11

Melbourne People

● Terry Norris and Julia Blake

Opening Night Dickens Women with Miriam Margoyles Photos: Oliver Ballantyne

● Virginia Hill and Alan Pearsall

● Carolyn Masson and Donna Demaio

● Eileen Berry and Hari Raj

● Jen Rollings and Deb Withers

● Kevin Trask and daughter Fiona

● Therese Radic and Andrew McKinnon

● Miriam signing in the foyer after the show

● Sam Petersen and Britt Lewis

● Miriam Margoyles in Dickens’ Women Photo: Prudence Upton

REVIEW ■ Miriam Margolyes captivated Melbourne audiences at the Playhouse Theatre last week with Dickens’ Women, her superb tribute to writer Charles Dickens’ 200th anniversary.

If you missed her show at The Playhouse, then Miriam will be performing at the Frankston Arts Centre tonight (Mar. 7), Geelong Performing Arts Centre on March 9 and 10 and Her Majesty’s Theatre, Ballarat on March 13, before touring her show nationally and then worldwide.

Miriam and her co-writer/director, Sonia Fraser, have selected and explored 23 of Dickens’ characters who are not only colourful and entertaining, but were actually based on real people in Dickens’ life.

Obviously passionate about Dickens and his works, Miriam presents a balanced overview by also reflecting on his demonic side.

There could be no better performer than Miriam Margolyes to transform these characters into reality in a cohesive show that engages audiences from start to finish.

Using her brilliant dual skills of storyteller and actor, Miriam can be sharing facets of Dickens’ life in a chat with her audience and then instantly transforms into one of his characters, with masterful use of voice, physicality and emotion.

Pianist John Martin beautifully creates mood throughout the show, and we are reminded of the source of this literary delight by a portrait of Charles Dickens overseeing the production from above.

Producer Andrew McKinnon notes in the program that Dickens’ wish to travel to Australia did not eventuate in his lifetime, but his novels of course did reach our shores and are now regarded as literary classics.

How wonderful that in 2012, a consummate actor such as Miriam Margolyes is regenerating interest and awareness in Dickens’ works by touring the world with Dickens’ Women in this special anniversary year.

This is a theatre experience not to be missed.

If you would like to see more of Miriam Margolyes, she is also appearing as Aunt Prudence in the new ABC-TV drama series Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, based on the best-selling series by Kerry Greenwood and set in the 1920s in Melbourne.

Performances: Frankston Arts Centre: March 7; Geelong Performing Arts Centre: March 9, 10; Her Majesty’s Theatre, Ballarat: March 13.

Tickets can be booked online on www.dickenswomen. com - Review by Cheryl Threadgold

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 12 - Melbourne Observer -Wednesday, March 7, 2012 Melbourne

Observer

The Best Columnists

SHAME ON YOU, YUMI

Our Doors are Open!

Our Doors are Open!

As the Masonic Month of Celebration continues, Freemasons Victoria hosts the CBD Luncheon and Open Day

● Freemasons Victoria opens its doors on March 12 On Friday March 9, the CBD Luncheon will take place on the Ground Floor of Grand Lodge with guest speaker, Dr Kathy Alexander CEO of the City of Melbourne.

Dr Alexander will speaking on the topic, "Planning for Future Growth".

"This is a subject that is very close to our heart at Freemasons Victoria," says Peter Henshall, Grand Secretary of Freemasons Victoria.

"All of our Grand Masters have been distinguished men with a real passion for the state of Victoria and indeed many Victorian Freemasons have played a major role in the infrastructure and development of Melbourne," says Peter.

The list includes well-known names such as Sir Dallas Brooks, Victorian Grand Master between 1951-1963 and the longest serving Victorian Governor, and John Connell who played an important role in the planning of the City Loop underground train line.

"These remarkable men were proud Victorians and certainly proud to be a Freemason," says Peter.

"They've left behind a lasting legacy that changed the face of our city forever."

It's no secret that the 170-year-old membership organisation is often clouded in mystery with many wondering what goes on behind close doors but on Monday March 12, you'll be able to see for yourself what goes on, as the Masonic Centre opens its doors for the Freemasons Victoria Open Day. "We'll be putting the Labor Day holiday to good use," says Erin Olsen, Freemasons Victoria Event Manager.

"The Open Day is a great opportunity for the public to come and enjoy a fun day out with the whole family, and of course, perhaps have a few questions answered," says Erin.

The day's activities include Freemason-led tours of the Lodge rooms every hour, a vintage car and motorcycle display, children's activities, and live music.

A BBQ will also be hosted by Monash Gully Lodge with proceeds going to charity. The event will be held rain, hail or shine - or in Melbourne's case, maybe all three - so head down to 300 Albert Street, East Melbourne for what promises to be a fun day for all.

The CBD Luncheon will be held at the Masonic Centre, 300 Albert St, East Melbourne on March 9 at 12.30pm.

Tickets cost $55 and includes a two-course meal with drinks. For more information or to book, please contact Erin Olsen on 9411 0111.

The Open Day will be held at the Masonic Centre and is a free event, open to the public.

Next week's column: The March Masonic Month of Celebration continues.

To find out more about Freemasonry, how to become a member, or attend upcoming public events, please visit www.freemasonsvic.net.au or 'Like' our Facebook page, www.facebook.com/ freemasonsvic

■ Network 10 disgraced itself when it allowed Circle co-host Yumi Stynes to go to air, with slurs against Aussie Victoria Cross winner Cpl Ben Roberts Smith.

Stynes questioned the intelligence and sexual prowess of the war hero.

She explained it away as a “joke”.

Her apology was conditional ... “if we have offended”. Any apology with the with ‘if’is no apology at all.

Next day, co-host Gorgi Coghlan compounded the insult: “Apologies have been made. We want to end it there.”

Not good enough, Yumi. Not good enough, Gorgi. Not good enough, producer Pam Barnes.

Not good

&

Short Sharp ■ Sheep worth more than $12,000 have been stolen from a Clarkefield farmer. The sheep were not branded and had no specific markings.

■ The Taco Truck is back on Rucker’s Hill, Northcote, after Darebin Council overturned its ban on the food van. The operator is not allowed to operate within 50 metres of similar traders.

■ The City of Whitehorse, which covers Box Hill and Nunawading, is owed more than $50 million in outstanding rates from local householders.

● Yumi Stynes (The Circle, Channel 10)

Long Shots

■ Melton cafe La Headquarters, operated by LA HQ Pty Ltd, has been fined $6000 for workplace bullying. Four female employees complained they were bullied by a chef and part-owner. The bullying included swearing, shouting and gesticulating angrily.

■ St Andrews Hotel, north-east of Melbourne, has gone into voluntary administration.

■ Former nurse, Margaret Pozzobin, 58, has won a $500,000-plus payout from a Wantirna facility.

Porch Thoughts

● Cpl Ben Roberts Smith VC editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

Respect

with Ash Long, Editor

■ Channel 10 might not understand respect for our soldiers, but it certainly understands the bottom line.

Circle sponsor Swisse Vitamins withdrew its ads from the show following Yumi Stynes’ comments.

Mirvac Hotels, which provides accommodation at The Como Hotel for Circle guests , is reviewing its association, and demanded that its logo be withdrawn from the TV show’s website.

“For the cause that lacks assistance, ‘Gainst the wrongs that need resistance For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do”

Look out!

■ The inner-thoughts of Australian TV ‘king’ Graham Kennedy are revealed in a collection of his letters published for the first time in this week’s Observer.

But be warned, the ‘King’ had a vulgar tongue (and pen), so if bad language is not for you, please avoid Pages 25-28, and Pages 45-46.

Observer Treasury Thoughts For The Week ■ “If some folks lost their reputation, tyhey should consider themselves extremely lucky.”

■ “The quickest way for a mother to get her children’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

Observer Curmudgeon ■ “If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people’s opinions will rush in from all quarters.”

- George Bernard Shaw

Text For The Week ■ “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted[a] by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” - Matthew 4: 1-4

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT COURT REPORTS Contents of Court Lists are intended for information purposes only. The lists are extracted from Court Lists, as supplied to the public, by the Magistrates’ Court of Victoria, often one week prior to publication date; for current Court lists, please contact the Court. Further details of cases are available at www.magistratescourt.vic.gov.au The Melbourne Observer shall in no event accept any liability for loss or damage suffered by any person or body due to information provided. The information is provided on the basis that persons accessing it undertake responsibility for assessing the relevance and accuracy of its content. No inference of a party’s guilt or innocence should be made by publication of their name as a defendant. Court schedules may be changed at any time for any reason, including withdrawal of the action by the Plaintiff/Applicant. E&OE.

● From Page 4 Who was your favourite celebrity interview and why?

That's like choosing your favourite child. I enjoyed chatting to my adolescent music hero Adam Ant; meeting Jamie Oliver (delightful and genuine); sitting on the lap of Samuel L Jackson for a photo and being eyeballed by Tommy Lee Jones in one of my first film chats.

Tete a tete's with Sarah Jessica Parker, ● Donna Demaio Willem Dafoe, Kenneth Branagh and John Travolta have also been rather special.

The 3AW on-line Donna Demaio Gossip Sheet has a massive following, what was the inspiration behind this concept?

I attend so many exciting and interesting events and the Gossip Sheet allows me to make observations, inform and spread the 'goss' further to any live reports or crosses. Also, it allows me to include insights on events and people that might not be covered on air. It's a way of embracing another form of media.

How do you mostly source news and gossip for the site?

I love gathering my ‘quote of the week’ because it can be quite quirky. At events, I 'work' the room which means I chat to mates, colleagues, stars and so on ... and find out what's happening in everyone's world.

I am fortunate enough to be offered some amazing interviews - "Would you like to chat with Bob Geldof?" was the most recent offer.

If you could invite anyone to the train platform who would it be and why?

I would love to share a drink, whether it be a cup of tea or a whisky, with Clint Eastwood. He is the same age as my dad. I remember watching Eastwood's spaghetti westerns with my father and ever since he has intrigued me as an actor and as a human being.

I believe he would have some fascinating views on the world. I could be wrong but I'm still hoping to find out either way.

What will be your next tweet on Twitter?

Whatever I deem interesting enough. I won't be tweeting what I'm having for dinner ... oh ... unless it's at a splendid restaurant and I want to share my excitement and a twitter picture.

What is your 'Porch Thought of The Day’?

"Be good to people (even the annoying, self-absorbed woman who butts in the queue at the local supermarket deli). Be patient. Be interested in others. Be true to yourself. " - Mark Richardson

Free reader ads are available in the Melbourne Trader section of the ‘Melbourne Observer’

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 13

Bennetts Boots - Marketing

Design that works Bennetts Boots designer Amanda Tallent, developed a range of designer wide calf boots without the ugly elastic or extender flaps that are so common in boots today.

For those who don't have wide calves it's difficult to understand how annoying it is not to fit into the average boot. Frustration is caused by the badly designed boots that stretch out of shape, look and feel yuck!

(Technical term meaning uncomfortable and ugly).

This is whatt prompted Tallent to start her own line that is now an international success.

With no boot designing skills and a burning desire to get quality boots that fit Tallent found a promising pattern designer and had her trained under ‘Master Shoe Makers’ in the art of making wider calved boots that fitted.

The skill was in designing a boot that looked and felt good as well as balanced so they could be put on display in our stores without tipping over.

The design elements don't stop there.

Bennetts Boots make sure that all the calf widths look good on, with three different calf widths going up to 55cm in diameter their aim is always to have a fashionable boot that makes the wearer look taller and slimmer.

I'm justly proud of what we have achieved and on a recent trip to the USA it was pointed out that in the niche market of wide calf boots, Bennetts Boots is a world leader, not only in range but in design.

The extra cost invested into the design element of the wider calved boot has paid off with the average Bennetts Boots customer owning 3+ pairs of boots and made their now team of designers, most likely, the best in the world in wide calf boots design.

Bennetts Boots are being approached and in negotiations with brands who have tried to do wider calved boots and failed.

The customer of today doesn't except a pair of boots just because it fits, they demand it to fit right, look good and feel comfortable. You give them anything less and you will be like many of the brands we are now dealing with, stuck with a heap of boots that no-one wants.

As a small business this focus on design is why Bennetts Boots have survived and continue to grow rapidly here in Australia and across the world.

Get your own pair of designer boots at www.BennettsBoots.com or pop into our store at 39 Bridge Rd, Richmond, Vic.

Page 14 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Observer Life & Style

MAD, MAD MONTH OF MARCH News Briefs Next?

● Steve Bracks ■ Former NSW Premier Bob Carr has just received a ‘job for the boys’ being appointed by PM Julia Gillard as Foreign Affairs Minister.

Ex-Victorian Premier Steve Bracks already hold several comfortable appointments.

Will he soon add another big Canberra job to his portfolio?

Penalty

■ It couldn’t be anything else, but the mad, mad, month of March.

The shambles in our Federal Parliament in the last couple of weeks with the negative, unruly, and oftendishonest behaviour of some of the MP’s is the likes of which I’ve never seen in all my years of following politics.

I always enjoyed watching Parliament each day on ABC1, but lately the nastiness has been almost too much, and I wished I’d had a magic wand, to make them disappear so we could start afresh.

And now the Prime Minister has been caught out yet again, telling another big fib!

Don’t get too comfortable Prime Minister. You may have won the current battle, but you won’t win the war.

Perhaps it was the hot and very uncomfortable weather that caused tempers to run largely unchecked.

■ For the first time for ages I felt scared when going to an appointment and travelling in the car. It was terrifying with cars speeding, tailgating, the two fingers out of the drivers window when the driver thought that you were not going fast enough, or, worse, upsetting the drivers when you slow down to the correct speed when passing a school.

The hot weather added to the worry of the electricity bill getting out of control and made people terrified to turn on their air-conditioning, or even an electric fan causing more discomfort and especially for our elderly senior citizens.

Having just pulled out a fistful of bills from the letterbox on a day of over 40 degrees I was left gasping when I saw how everything had jumped up since last month.

How are we supposed to budget on a fixed income when every month the cost of running a household increases?

Winners ■ RMIT University fashion graduates have taken seven of the 12 spots in a national competition to join the 2012 L’Oréal Melbourne Fashion Festival.

The National Graduate Showcase is now in its fourth year and features an impressive line-up of graduate designers from across the country.

The event will be held on Tuesday, (Mar. 13), at 6.30pm at Peninsula, Central Pier, Docklands and provides a platform to exhibit their work.

■ And I’m filled with angst at the thought of how costs will sky rocket when the carbon tax kicks in, come July.

Already we have been told to prepare for higher costs from several companies when fees will rise because of the carbon tax.

Remember the promise that we are all going to be compensated? The promise didn’t lull me into a false sense of security.

From past experience of Government promises we will always end up behind the eight ball. Despite the fact that the PM will try and convince us that we will be so much better off.

I’d be delighted to be proven wrong.

And while I’m having a bit of a whinge, I thought that the annoying phone calls from call centres were no longer permitted.

Only charities could cold call asking for a donation.

Well, they haven’t stopped. A few have disreguarded the rules and are sneaking in calls.

Charity begins at home ■ Trying to keep cool the other day and staying in one spot so as not to disturb the hot air, I was continually answering the phone to discover it was either a political survey, a funeral home asking me to pay a monthly amount so that my funeral expense wouldn’t cause my husband any hardship.

How do they know who is going first? Do they have some knowledge to which I’m not privy?

How does ‘charity’ form any part of these calls?

And these calls didn’t come during the day either.

I try, and am polite, but it seems that lately, I’ve been up against some very aggressive persons on the end of the phone; I’ve been subjected to the ‘F’ word and even a ‘raspberry’ down the line.

My husband just laughed and told me that if I don’t make conversation with them I wouldn’t be on the end of their abuse. “Hang up”, he said.

One piece of information cooled me down though, and that was an e-mail from Ken Lyons, a colleague and friend telling me how to avoid those frustrating conversations when you can’t understand the person at the call centre somewhere abroad.

It’s anyone’s guess where the centre is situated.

Well, that goes without saying Ken, but having tried it, and finding that it did indeed work, I’m ecstatic.

Imagine, if tomorrow, every Australian citizen requested an Australian rep, how it would impact on the number of extra jobs available to Australians.

Just think what would happen if say tomorrow, every Australian citizen, insisted on only talking to an Australian operator.

It would be like sticking your head out of the window as Peter Finch did in that famous film, and yelling out to the world “ I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore”.

Ken suggested that we spread the word so that our frustration will be a thing of the past.

Enjoying Indian summers

How can we budget?

Telemarketers persist ■ Trade Quip Pty Ltd has been penalised $100,000 by the Federal Court for supplying hydraulic trolley jacks that did not comply with the prescribed consumer product safety standard.

Yvonne’s Column

with Yvonne Lawrence yvonne.lawrence@bigpond.com

Transferred to Australia ■ Ken had heard me relating my frustrating experience trying to understand a telephonist in India, and not sound racist when I kept asking that he repeat what he was saying because I couldn’t understand, and finally hanging up in frustration without my query being answered.

It appears we have the right to speak to an Australian telephonist when we call a service, whether it is a telephone query, bank account or credit card, when you can’t communicate with the person on the other end because of a language barrier.

Instead of steam coming out of your ears and nose like a dragon when you can’t understand the person, politely, very politely, stressed Ken (it’s not about trashing other cultures), simply say, “ I’d like to speak to a customer service person in Australia”.

The rep. may suggest you talk with his manager, but again, politely say,’ Thank you, but I’d like to speak to a customer service person in Australia.”

I tried this, and joy oh bliss, I was immediately connected to a rep in Australia. It only took a few seconds to have my call redirected.

Ask for an Aussie ■ Ken went on to say that if every Australian citizen requested an Australian rep, how much it would impact on the number of extra Australian positions that needed to be filled.

Remember, wrote Ken, the goal is to restore jobs back here at home, not to be abrupt or rude to a foreigner.

Melbourne Observations with Matt Bissett-Johnson

■ I must say, that I’m never too thrilled when I’ve rung my bank with a problem and I’m put on hold waiting to talk to an operator, and it turns out to be a call centre.

I liked to think that it was a bank employee sitting at a phone, ready, willing and able to assist me. But it isn’t always like that.

I’m always on guard when the operator asks me where I’m ringing from, or some such question, and it’s always in another State, not Victoria where she/he operates.

Having my bank details going all over the country doesn’t fill me with confidence, and especially now that the banks are sending Australian bank staff overseas to train people in call centres to fill the positions formerly held by local Australians.

All to drag in a bigger share of the almighty dollar for their shareholders.

But meantime, try the above. It will save your blood pressure from blowing out.

But hey! The weather has turned cool and I’m at peace with the world.

I’m looking forward to another of Melbourne’s glorious ‘Indian summers’.

Autumn is my all time favourite season in Melbourne. Here’s hoping.

- Yvonne.

Contact: Melbourne Observer, P.O. Box 1278, Research 3095 Radio 3WBC 94.1FM, Box 159, Box Hill 3128

Just Briefly ■ A fundraising concert is being preseted by the Carmelite Centre on Saturday, March 31, at 6pm, to raise money for the Brigidine Asylum Seeker Project. The concert will be staged at St Joseph's Church, Cnr Rouse and Stokes Sts, Port Melbourne. www.thecarmelitecentremelbourne.org ■ The Melbourne production of Love Never Dies was shown on 900 movie screens in America over the weekend.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 15

Page 16 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Seniors News

Retire close to family!

Ever considered a Granny Flat?

Private, Close and Convenient Teens need space?

A Bungalow in the backayd is the perfect retreat

FREE BUILDING PERMIT AND FLOOR COVERINGS UPGRADE

GRANNY FLATS - BUNGALOWS - HOME EXTENSIONS

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 17

Melbourne Homemaker

Melbourne Metro Area Only Country Victoria Distributors/Installers/ Resellers Rquired Call 1-800 27 22 27 for more information

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 18 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Going Away for Easter?

Need someone to mind the pets, check the house, water the garden?

Don't worry Making Time has you covered At Making Time we specialize in exactly that - Making Time With pet and homes services designed to give you time back everyday and let you go on holidays without worry.

Making Time makes life easier at a very reasonable price.

We can walk and check your pets everyday. From horses to rats and everything inbetween, we are happy to help.

You will get updates on your house and pets whilst your away via our 'Pet Text' service, so you can relax knowing your furry friends and your home are in safe hands.

As well as our holiday and pet services we have a number of services available for those 'one off' occasions. Want the house cleaned after you move, or before you move in, got a rental inspection coming up?

Not a problem our team of professionals are here to help.

All of our staff have current police checks, working with children's checks and have passed Pet First Aid Courses .

Our services include Pet Services Dog Walking Pet Sitting Vet Visits Holiday Minding (no more expensive boarding fees) House Services House Sitting Mail Collected Plants Watered House Moving Cleaning

With services starting from as little as $30 an hour, why not call us on 0417

213 675 or

1300 527 034 today and start Making Time for the fun things in your life.

www.makingtime.com.au

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 19

Melbourne Buying Guide

Mattresses Galore FREE DELIVERY Melbourne Metro and Peninsula

open mon - fri 9am - 5 pm saturday 9am - 4pm, sunday 10am-4pm Mattresses Galore supply a wide range of homeware products including; Beds, Mattresses Bedroom Furniture, Manchester

Mattresses Galore Cnr High St & Tooronga Rd, Malvern, 3144 Phone: (03) 9822 9057. Fax: (03) 9822 9821 www.mattressesgalore.com.au info@mattressesgalore.com.au

Page 20 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Antiques and Collectables

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 21

Antiques & Collectables THE COLLECTORS’ NEWSPAPER March 2012

For Collectors Collection given to State Library

■ The Dromkeen Board of Governors, Scholastic Australia has presented the State Library of Victoria with the entire collection of the Dromkeen National Centre for Picture Book Art. The internationally significant Dromkeen Scholastic Collection of Children’s Book Art consists of approximately 7500 original artworks and illustrations from prepublication material of many of Australia’s bestloved children’s books.

The collection also includes a historical book collection, six bronze sculptures of picture book characters and the Dromkeen archive.

Premier and Minister for the Arts, Ted Baillieu, said the donation was ‘a remarkable gift to the people of Victoria’.

The Dromkeen National Centre for Picture Book Art collection was founded by Courtney and Joyce Oldmeadow at the historic ‘Dromkeen’ homestead in Riddell’s Creek in 1973.

Phone: (03) 9439 7070

Published Monthly

SCOTS HERITAGE HONOURED

CASH PAID

HOPES GOR GEELONJG HIGHLAND GATHERING ■ A select field of elite Scottish heavy games athletes will compete in the Australian South Pacific Heavy Games, to be hosted by the Geelong Highland Gathering, on Sunday, March 18.

In addition to the upgraded heavy games, the Gathering is hoping that it will receive approval to re-introduce Scottish hammer throwing which, along with caber tossing was one of the favourite heavy events.

Two New Zealand competitors have been attracted, Pat Hellier, who has competed in Scotland for the past 10 years and is ranked in the world's top 10 heavy games athletes and Peter Mayne, from Whangarei, who has been challenging Pat for the past three years for the New Zealand title.

Organiser Bill Binks, who has been involved in heavy games for decades both as a competitor and organiser, believes the event can be built to become Australia's top heavy games attraction.

Bill and former world caber tossing champion, Colin Matheson were involved in many legendary battles of strength back in the 1960s and 1970s.

Other competitors include Craig Reid, from Newcastle, New South Wales, who has been Australia's foremost heavy games competitor for the past 10 years and who has also competed in New Zealand and Scotland.

Also competing will be young giant Luke Reynolds, who stands 203 cm tall and weighs 150 kg, who has been making his presence felt on the Australian circuit for the past five years and competed successfully in New Zealand last year.

Jessie Coutts, who hails from Apollo Bay and whose family still lives there, will add a local flavour and will be very competitive having won two shot putt events last year and coming in second in two weight events.

James Graham, from Edinburgh, is the only Scots-born competitor to date and he has shown improvement as he has gained more experience, with close second placings in events on the Victorian circuit in 2011 and 2012.

The Gathering, which will be opened by the Governor of Victoria, Alex Chernov , at 1.30pm, on Sunday, March 18, at the Geelong Showgrounds, will also be expanded to Saturday, March 17.

The Saturday, which will be restricted to solo piping and drumming and a mini pipe band competition, will be a free day.

The Sunday will see the full range of traditional Highland gathering events, pipe band competitions, massed pipes and drums, the Australian South Pacific Heavy Games, Highland dancing competitions, Scottish Country dancing displays, Scottish military re-enactment groups, martial arts swordsmanship, Scottish dogs breed show and displays of Scottish animals.

There will also be clan and other tents, genealogy and a fair and market with Scottish foods, drinks and souvenirs.

To add to the family atmosphere the children's events have been expanded, with “Wee Heavy Games” being introduced, a Highland passport, to be stamped at all children's activities, and a Commando rope bridge as well as the normal

ALL SUBURBS

Antiques, Bric-a-brac CHINA, GLASS, JEWELLERY, FURNITURE, CLOCKS, TOYS, LIGHTS, SILVER, POSTCARDS, AUSTRALIANA, BOXED CUTLERY, LINEN & LACE HOUSE LOTS, ANY SIZE Wanted To Buy DESPERATELY SEEKING

Sue 9592 9735 BRIGHTON

Camberwell Antique Centre 25-29 Cookson Street, Camberwell Opposite Camberwell Station

9882 2028 0418 586 764 Open seven days, 10am - 5pm Over fifty dealers in antiques and collectables.

Large selection of furniture, Carlton-ware, Moorcroft, Australian pottery, Wedgwood, jewellery, sporting memorabilia, toys and much more

And we buy - single items, collections, house lots or deceased estates www.camberwellantiquecentre.com.au

● Victorian Governor Alex Chernov will open the Gathering at Geelong petting zoo, jumping castle and face-painting.

Entry on Sunday will be: Family, $30; adult. $12; Concession, $10; under-16, $5 and underfive, free.

Further information can be obtained at www.geelonghighland gathering.org.au

COBURG 103 Holmes St COME IN Brunswick HILL East AND ANTIQUES Ph 9383 5743 Open Tue-Sun LOOK! It’s A Pleasure!

11am-5pm Free Quotes on Furniture Restoration Clock Repairs BARGAINS GALORE

Now, Every Month!

The Melbourne Observer newspaper is publishing a new, monthly Antiques and Collectables section.

You can promote your business to 55,000 potential customers with a business card-size ad, for just $31.25 per month.

This DISCOUNT rate is available when you order a package of 8 monthly ads.

Business Card Size Ad 50mm height x 62mm width

Only $31.25 Order a package of 8 monthly ads for a total of $250. We will also give you a FREE $40 weekly listing in the Melbourne Trader Classifieds.

Antiques & Collectables Antiques and Collectables freatures will be published in the first week of each month from February 2012.

Advertisers will receive a free weekly classified ad listing in the Melbourne Trader section of the Melbourne Observer, plus a free website listing.

For more details, contact Ash Long

Phone 9439 7070

YOUR GUIDE TO ‘ANTIQUES & COLLECTABLES’ IN VICTORIA

Page 22 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

■ Phyllis Diller is unstoppable. This clever American comedienne is still active at the age of 95.

Phyllis started out as a pianist, got married, raised a family and re-invented herself as a comic, bringing joy and laughter to millions of fans for more than 50 fifty years.

Phyllis Ada Driver was born in Lima, Ohio in 1917 and was an only child. At primary school and college Phyllis practised her comedy on her fellow students.

After graduating from college in 1935 she attended Chicago's Sherwood Music Conservatory hoping to become a concert pianist. She went to University where she met Sherwood Diller and they married in 1939.

Their first child was born in 1940. Whilst raising an increasing family (Phyllis had six children) she worked as an advertising copywriter and continuity writer at a radio station.

During the evenings Phyllis appeared at amateur engagements as a ‘stand up’ comedienne.

She was a contestant on the television quiz show You Bet Your Life, hosted by Groucho Marx. Phyllis said in later life that she was petrified.

When Groucho asked her if she was married Phyllis replied "Yes, I've worn a wedding ring for 18 years now."

To which Groucho snapped, "Really, oh well, two more payments and it'll be all yours."

Her big break came when Phyllis got an en-

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Whatever Happened To ...

Phyllis Diller

By Kevin Trask of 3AW and 96.5 Inner FM gagement at the famous Purple Onion nightclub in San Francisco. She was so popular that her season was extended to eighty seven weeks.

This led to appearances on many of the popular television shows and her fame spread internationally.

She became a good friend of Bob Hope and appeared on his television shows.

Her film credits included Splendor In The Grass, The Fat Spy, Boy Did I Get The Wrong Number, Eight On The Lam and The Sunshine Boys.

Here are some examples of some of her great one-liners I never made Who's Who but I'm featured in What's That.

● Phyllis Diller If I were a building - I'd be condemned.

At night everything either comes off or out.

In the early 1960s she toured in stage productions such as Dark At The Top of the Stairs, Wonderful Town and Happy Birthday.

In 1965 Phyllis divorced her husband and a month later married Warde Donovan, the marriage lasted for 10 years.

In 1970 she played Dolly Levi in Hello Dolly on Broadway and surprised the critics with her fine singing voice.

Phyllis toured Australia many times and appeared on television shows. She was a regular on The Don Lane Show and was a special guest on the very last show in 1983.

Phyllis underwent plastic surgery for the first time at the age of 55 and used it in her comedy routines along with references to her husband ‘Fang’.

In 1999 Phyllis suffered a heart attack and had a pacemaker fitted.

She announced her official retirement in 2002.

Several months ago Phyllis attended a Blue Ribbon Holiday Party at the famous Bel Air Hotel and is in good health.

Phyllis Diller did not get into showbusiness till her mid thirties and made the world laugh with her zany comedy.

You just had to look at her in her wigs and outlandish costumes and she would make you laugh - one of the great ‘stand up’ comics of our time.

- Kevin Trask The Time Tunnel - with Bruce & PhilSundays at 8.30pm on 3AW That's Entertainment - 96.5FM Sundays at 12 Noon 96.5FM is streaming on the internet.

To listen, go to www.innerfm.org.au and follow the prompts.

RED TAPE KILLS RED CENTRE TOURISM

■ What with the high Australian dollar and the current overseas economic situation, Australian tourism needs as much positive assistance as it can get.

And particularly the NT, which is experiencing a dramatic downturn .

My mate Chris Chambers recently collated data to show that visits to the Rock peaked in 2001, at about 400,000. By 2010 this had diminished to about 300,000.

So the Rock, and the Centre generally, need all the positive promotional help they can get!

A couple of instances have recently tended in just the opposite direction.

Firstly, a crew recently planned to film a leg of Amazing Race at the Rock.

One can imagine the world-wide audience this would have reached!

So, what happened?

The Federal Department of Sustainability, Environment, Water, Population and Community informed them that they needed 28 days to process the application, and the time frame had run out.

"It was too short notice, we have limited resources, and we have someone on leave."

So the request was declined, and Amazing Race went elsewhere.

You'd think that even bureaucracy would recognise that Australia should jump at every opportunity to tell its wonders to an overseas tourist market. All free, too.

No such luck!

■ And then an incident in Alice itself which occurred last month, but about which I needed all the details before sharing.

News Ltd journalist Joe Hildebrand and 10 film crew were filming an SBS documentary, Dumb, Drunk and Racist, investigating the perceptions of Australians which Indian people hold.

So they were filming some Indians walking around Alice, when they were accosted by a couple who showed indignation at their activities.

The crew explained that they were filming the town and not them, but this didn't placate the lady.

Shortly thereafter a couple of inebriated ladies joined the fray, attacking a cameraman, grabbing his equipment and throwing rocks at them - "one the size of a mango!"

So the crew beat a hasty retreat to the Aurora Hotel, where the staff saved one of them who was being at-

The Outback Legend

with Nick Le Souef Lightning Ridge Opals 175 Flinders Lane, Melbourne Phone 9654 4444 www.opals.net.au tacked and dragged away by the women. They then entered the hotel lobby and attacked the staff. " The incident will feature pretty prominently, but we're going out of our way to counter-balance the negative images," Joe said.

Just what Alice needs right now more evidence to illustrate its current reputation for anti-social activity!

■ My mate Phil Howe has just returned from Alice. He's the official photographer and painter for Cricket Australia, and he's been portraying the Imparja Cup via his own two chosen media.

The Cup is a cricket extravaganza which proceeds for week on all the local ovals.

It invites indigenous teams from every state, from every major Territory town, and from communities far and wide, from Yuendumu to the Tiwi Islands.

And a great competition is the result, with all the teams playing against each other. It's in the 20-20 format for quick results and a better spectacle.

CricketAustralia has been support-

ive for the last six years, and the whole operation is somewhat akin to the AFL policy of recruiting indigenous players for their sport.

They supply equipment to outlying communities, encouraging them to develop their skills.

This is already bearing fruit, with some promising players stepping up to the crease.

At the end of the competition a ‘Super Squad’ is chosen to go on to bigger and better achievements. In past years they've played in the UK, and this year they're off to PNG. Such luminaries as Matthew Hayden and Jason Gillespie travelled up this year, to the delight of all the participants.

So Phil records all this - a great achievement and wonderful encouragement to these eager youngsters!

■ It can't be Alice without a snake story or two!

My oft-mentioned mate, Rex Neindorf, the local official snakecatcher, has, as usual, been out and about.

He's reported that, because of the cooler nights, numbers haven't been so high.

"I usually catch 70 to 100 every February, but it's only been 50 this year." They're usually Western Browns, the ninth deadliest snake in the world.

However, the weather's warming up and he expects more action. He was callsd out to one property a couple of days ago to catch one snake, but ended up with three And then there was Karl Piel, a local performer in Alice Springs, who does a few ‘snake shows’ for tourists.

He had his two Carpet Pythons, Ruby and Soul, in his backpack last week. He briefly left it unattended, but unfortunately upon his return it had been stolen.

It was subsequently recovered, but unfortunately Soul had expired. The other was loose, but captured, and in good health.

A bit of a shock for the thief, I'd reckon.

■ More natural ‘plagues’ for the Top End! Firstly, it's bats. About 300,000 have descended on Katherine.

Nothing can be done as they are are indigenous creatures, and therefore protected by the laws of the land.

So everyone just has to sit around

when about a million of them took to the local trees.

The only solution was for the locals to enlist the aid of the local Aborigines, who were allowed to cull them.

So, .22s were unsheathed, and the slaughter began. They shot eight bats, and got bored with it all!

That didn't work!

And then there was a massacre of Cane Toads last week in a little lake beside the Darwin Golf Course.

About 60,000 baby toadlets were hopping about at the lake shore, where they like to gather to keep themselves moist.

This was an opportunity for the local Frogwatch volunteers, so they swooped in and scooped them all up.

Some were sprayed with a bleach ● Rex Neindorf mix - death in half a second; the rest and wait till the eat all the branches of straight into the special Frogwatch the mahogany trees, and they'll leave, freezer, awaiting appropriate disposal. taking their fecal reeking with them.

That worked!

This reminds me of a similar situ- Nick Le Souef ation in Mataranka a few years ago ‘The Outback Legend’

From The Outer

Melbourne

Observer

kojak@ mmnet.com.au

With John Pasquarelli

■ Labor's spindoctors have smoke coming out of their backsides as they try to pretend that what we have all seen and heard didn't happen.

The searing venom, vitriol and personal abuse has become 'a leadership debate' and there have been lots of tears and trembling lips.

I'll call for the chuck bucket if another politician tells us that he or she entered politics to 'give something back' and what a strain politics is on their family life.

Lots of us have to spend time away from home here and abroad pursuing business and other activities and let's not forget our defence force personnel so MPs should stop whingeing and just get on with it or resign as Arbib has done.

After slagging Rudd hell west and crooked before the leadership poll, Gillard has now eulogised him, making one wonder just what makes this woman work.

As the lies and deceit tumble from her lips, it's no wonder that most Australians have utter contempt for most politicians and that is very sad indeed.

As for the Coalition, it's getting out and about as much as possible. There's no votes to be won by sitting in the office or talking to mates.

- John Pasquarelli, kojak@mmnet.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 23

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Observer Readers’ Club 100 Years Ago The Fitzroy City Press Friday, March 8, 1912 SLY GROG SELLERS Belfore the Mayor (Cr. McMahen), and Messrs.

Beckett, Apps, and Foley, J's.P., at the Fitzroy Court on Tuesday, several sly grog set lers were prosecuted.

Maud Strickland, of 3t George st., was presented on six charges of having sold liquor wvithout .a license on Jan. 12th, 13th, and 1th.

Sub-Inspeccor Hartshorn conducted the prosecution in all the cases. Mr. P. Ridgeway, who appeared for the defence said, that subject to ,he approval of the Bench, it had been arranged between Mr. Hartshorn and hinmelf that the defendant should plead guilty to the ,two charges, and pay a fine of £25 on each charge, with £10 10s. costs, and tlhat the four. other charges should be withdrawn, Sub-Inspector Hartshorn said he had consented to what Mr. Ridgeway had proposed.

Plain-clothes .Constable Slallazoni saidThat on Feb. 25th he arrested the defhdant at her house. In a wardrobe he found two bottles of champagne and three bottles of ale On the two charges the defendant was fined £50, with £10 10s. costs, and in default two months' im prisonrment.

Ellen Henry, of 202 Nicholson-st., was presented on lour charges of selling liquor without a license on Feb.. 24th and 25th.

No evidence was given. The' defendant' on the two charges was fined £50, with £10 10ls. costs, in default two months’imprison iment. ' The two 'other charges were with drawn.

Alice Courtney, an employee of the defendant in the previous case, was presented on two charges of selling lihuor without at license on Feb. 11th. The defendant, was fined £25 with £5 5s. costs, and in; default one month's imprisonment

Melbourne Photo Flashback

● St Patrick's Day March, 1919. Boys from St Joseph's Boys School marching along a city street to the accompaniment of a drummer in the St Patrick's Day parade. They are dressed in white shirts and shorts, short ties, long dark socks and boots. Each boy wears a cap and has a ribbon pinned to his shirt. There is a large crowd of adult onlookers. Spencer's Old White Hart Hotel can be seen in the background.

Photo courtesy: Collingwood Library

Life’s Lessons

Reader Recipes

■ “Life shrinks or expands in direct proportion to one’s courage” - Anis Nin

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20) A meeting that you have at this time can help you to make that all important crossover in your career. Talks with an ex help you find closure over the past and you finally move on.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) The normal pattern of your life appears to be disrupted and you may have to neglect your usual chores. It will all be worth while though when you find out what luck this 'inconvenience' brings.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21) A change is indicated in your relationship with someone close to you. Don't commit yourself to anything until you have checked the facts, as you are liable to be misled.

Mars brings you an apology.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) You will have to be flexible today and make the most of your opportunities when they occur, as nothing will run to plan. Geminis hold the key to taking things to the next level professionally.

Leo (July 24 - Aug 23) New opportunities for financial gain are indicated this week for you, but don't rush into anything without consulting a close one first. Fresh views to a long standing family problem come with confrontations tonight.

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Relatives appear to be more prominent than usual in your affairs. Your confidence receives a boost from a new face who is soon to become a permanent part of your life and even your heart.

Libra (Sept 24 - Oct 23) An old problem crops up again but the past experience should enable you to deal with it successfully. The people around you do not appear to be pulling their weight. Time to do something about it.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 22) A new project is forecast that should push you to show how hard you can work and how much you can impress superiors. Have confidence, I can assure you that you have what it takes to succeed.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) Your need to know the ins and outs of others lives could well see you finding out something you wish you'd never heard. Careful Sagittarius, there are some things which are better left unsaid.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20) A new chapter of your life may take some time to get off the ground but is worth persevering with. Good news concerning a business matter brightens up your day and makes your hard work worthwhile.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Friends show you a different side to their character which may force you to question whether you still want them to be part of your life. Games in love are not worth playing.

Don't go there.

Pisces (Feb 20 - March 20) At work you have the opportunity to improve your position, so don't be too modest to show what you can do. This could be the boost your career has needed. Flirtations spell danger tonight, beware.

FAX: 1-800 231 312 E-MAIL: editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

Quote Of The Week

Trivia Challenge

Your Stars with Christina La Cross

IN PRINT: Read the Melbourne Observer every week.

Buy at your newsagent, or by mail subscription.

FACEBOOK: Follow our updates, and post your own coments at www.facebook.com/ MelbourneObserver TWITTER: Follow our updates, and post your own Tweets at www.twitter.com/ MelbourneObs

BY POST: Mail contributions to Observer Readers’ Club PO Box 1278, Research, Vic 3095

■ Excess is never too much in moderation

■ Knucker - an imaginary being, which lives in water

■ You smell this when you suspect something is not quite right.

Join in our chat

Bumper Sticker

Word Of The Week

Answer:A rat

THe Way We Were

● Beef and Guinness Pie ■ With St Patricks Day just around the corner on March 17, an Observer reader has sent in this Beef and Guinness Pie recipe, first published in Australian Good Taste, for six.

Preparation Time: 35 minutes Cooking Time: 220 minutes Ingredients 700g beef chuck (casserole) steak, cut into 2.5cm pieces 1 tbs olive oil 200g bacon rashers, rind removed, coarsely chopped 1 brown onion, coarsely chopped 70g (1/4 cup) tomato paste 2 tbs plain flour 1 x 440ml can Guinness beer 250ml (1 cup) beef stock 2 tsp chopped fresh thyme 1 tbs brown sugar 3 sheets (25 x 25cm) frozen ready-rolled butter puff pastry, just thawed 1 egg, lightly whisked Method Season beef with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Add half the beef and cook for 3-4 minutes or until browned.

Transfer to a bowl. Repeat with remaining beef.

Reduce heat to medium-low. Add bacon and onion and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes or until onion is soft. Reduce heat to low. Add tomato paste and flour and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes.

Gradually add Guinness, whisking until the mixture thickens.

Add the beef, stock, thyme and sugar. Bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 hours.

Season with salt and pepper. Set aside to cool completely.

Line 2 baking trays with non-stick baking paper. Use a round 11cm-diameter pastry cutter to cut 12 discs from the pastry. Place 1/3 cup of beef mixture in the centre of half the pastry discs. Top with the remaining pastry discs and press edges together to seal. Place on the lined trays. Brush with egg.

Preheat oven to 220°C. Bake in oven, swapping trays halfway through cooking, for 20 minutes or until golden. Serve.

Notes: Time plan tip: Prepare this dish to the end of step 4 up to 1 day ahead. Cover and place in the fridge. Continue from step 5, 30 minutes before serving.

■ “For every failure, there’s an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.”

- Mary Kay Ash

Just A Thought (Or Two)

■ People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.

■ “For the man who has everything ... a calendar to remind him when the payments are due’.

Birthdays/Celebrations

■ Wednesday, March 7. Birthday honours for entertainer Maria Venuti today. Singer Hans Poulson was born in Chelsea (Vic.), 67 years ago. Mentone was the scene of the ‘crime’ when fisherman Rex Hunt was born in 1949 (63). TV man Cameron Daddo was born in Melbourne in 1965 (47).

■ Thursday, March 8. Expect some magic as Melbourne entertainer Don Crawford turns 50 today. Kieran of Walwa is 20. TV actor Gerard Kennedy turns 80; he was born in Melbourne in 1932.

■ Friday, March 9. Happy birthday to Keith McGowan, currently in Queensland. His late friend Laurie Allen was born on the same day in 1944; Laurie died in 2002. Footballer Tony Lockeett was born in Ballarat in 1966 (46).

■ Saturday, March 10. Frank Howson, of showbiz fame, celebrates today. Chris Massingham, of the Yea district, blows out the candles today. Legendary Geelong footballer Graham ‘Polly’ Farmer is 77. TV reporter Bo Bailey (Silvagni) was born in Melbourne in 1970 (42).

■ Sunday, March 11. Entertainer Johnny Young celebrates his birthday today (or is tomorrow?). Debbie of Ballarat is 54. Professor Geoffrey Blainey is 82. Australian author Nancy Cato was born in Adelaide in 1917; she died aged 83 in 2000. Melbourne-born publisher Rupert Murdoch is 81. Football identity Sam Kekovich is 62. Jill Farnham, wife of singer John, is 56.

■ Monday, March 12. The happiest of birthdays to Denise Meikle of Horsham. Casting agent Liz Mullinar is 67 (1947). TV presenter Suzie Wilks is 42.

■ Tuesday, March 13. Observer reader Leanne Sinnamon of Braybrook is 41 today. Radio-TV man Geoff Cox was born in St Kilda in 1951 (61).

More on Page 61

Page 24 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Observer Showbiz MLOC: WITCHES OF EASTWICK

Community Theatre With Cheryl Threadgold

Melbourne

Observer

‘WAIT UNTIL DARK’ AT FRANKSTON SHOWS ■ Frankston Theatre Group: Wait Until Dark (by Frederick Knott) Until March 10, 8 pm performances, 2pm matinee on March 10 at the George Jenkins Theatre, Monash Campus, McMahons Rd., Frankston. Director: David McCall. Tickets: $26.50, Conc. $24.50. Bookings: 9905 1111 www.frankstontheatregroup.org.au

Heidelberg Theatre Co.

■ The Basin Theatre Group: Tuesdays With Morrie (by Mitch Albom and Jeffrey Hatcher) Until March 10 at The Basin Theatre, Doongalla Rd., The Basin. Director: Christine Grant. Tickets: $22. Bookings: 1300 784 668. www.thebasintheatre.org.au ● Erin Keleher (Alexandra Spofford), Michael Young (Darryl Van Horne) and Lucy MacVicar (Jane Smart) rehearse for MLOC’s June production of The Witches of Eastwick, to be presented at the Phoenix Theatre, Elwood.

Photo: Jane Court ■ Rehearsals are going well for MLOC’s production of The Witches of Eastwick, which can be seen from June 15 – 23 at the Phoenix Theatre, Glenhuntly Rd., Elwood.

The 45-strong cast is directed by Jane Court, with musical direction by Martine Wengrow and choreography by Merilyn Young.

Michael Young plays the devilish role of Darryl Van Horne and says his portrayal is inspired by Jack Nicholson’s interpretation of the role in the 1987 movie version.

“I am not your typical leading man and I am looking to give the role the same saucy edge as Nicholson did in the movie”, says Michael.

“We ask the question: why would three beautiful young women fall for this strange man?”

The three Witches are portrayed by Erin Keleher, Lucy MacVicar and Susie McCann.

Challenges for the show’s design and stage production teams include having the three Witches fly at the end of Act 1, a cello to play by itself and Felicia Gabriel (Lucy Nicolson) must find a number of strange things inside her mouth, including a tennis ball and cherry pits.

Tickets: www.mloc.org.au

MELBOURNE PASSION PLAY

■ Brighton Theatre Company: Albert Nobbs Until March 10, Tues-Sat at 8.00pm, at the Brighton Arts and Cultural Centre, Wilson St., Brighton. Director: Eric Heyes. Tickets: $20/$18.

Bookings: 9589 0005. www.brightontheatreco.com ■ Frankston Theatre Group: Wait Until Dark (by Frederick Knott) Until March 10, 8 pm performances, 2pm matinee on March 10 at the George Jenkins Theatre, Monash Campus, McMahons Rd., Frankston. Director: David McCall. Tickets: $26.50, Conc. $24.50. Bookings: 9905 1111 www.frankstontheatregroup.org.au ■ Cardinia Performing Arts Company: Little Shop of Horrors Until March 9 at the Cardinia Performing Arts Centre, Lakeside Boulevard, Pakenham. Bookings: 0407 090354 www.cardiniaperformingarts.com ■ Gemco Players: Wait Until Dark (by Frederick Knott) Until March 17 at 19 Kilvington Drive, Emerald. 2.30pm matinees on March 11, 17. Director: Barry O'Neill. Tickets: $22/$20. www.gemcoplayers.org ■ Lilydale Athenaeum Theatre: Glorious (by Peter Quilter) March 7 - 24 at 8.30pm, 2.30pm matinee on March 28 at 39-41 Castella St., Lilydale. Director: Doug Bennett. Bookings: 9735 1777. www.lilydaletc.com ■ 1812 Theatre: Round and Round the Garden (a comedy from Alan Ayckbourn's Norman Conquests trilogy) March 8 - 31 at The Bakery, 3 Rose St., Upper Ferntree Gully. Bookings: 9758 3964 or 0406 752067. www.1812theatre.com.au ■ Altona City Theatre: Aladdin the rock panto March 9, 16, 23 at 7.30pm and March 10, 11, 17, 18, 24 at 2.00pm at Altona City Theatre, 115 Civic Parade, Altona. Director: Scott Bradley; Musical Director: Jaxson McLennan; Choreographer Steph Jones.

All tickets $7. Bookings: 0425 705 550. www.altonacitytheatre.com.au ■ The Mount Theatre: Art (by Yasmina Reza) March 9 - 31, 8.00pm Fridays, Saturdays, 2.00pm matinees on Sundays at the Mountview Theatre, 56 Smith St., Macedon. Bookings: 1300 463 224 (10am-5pm Tues to Sat) ■ Sherbrooke Theatre Co. Inc: The Shoehorn Sonata March 9, 10, 15, 16, 17, 22, 23 ,24 at 8.15pm, Sunday twilight matinées March 11, 18 at 5.15pm at the Doncaster Playhouse, 679 Doncaster Rd., Doncaster. Bookings:.1300 650 209 www.sherbrooketc.org.au

● A scene from the 2011 Passion Play presented at Ruffey Lake Park, Doncaster. From left: Sam Dell`Aglio (Roman Soldier), Gino Gammaldi (Roman Centurion), Brian Smith (Roman Soldier), Tony Barbuto (The Good Thief), Therese Hummel (Martha of Bethany), Mary Martin (Mary Mother of Jesus), Chris Masters Mah (Jesus Christ).

■ The 16th Melbourne Passion Play will be presented on Palm Sunday, April 1 at 1.30pm and on Good Friday, April 6 at 10.00am at Ruffey Lake Park, Doncaster (enter Church Rd. from King St., Doncaster).

Commencing in Rosebud in 1997, the Melbourne Passion Play is now seen by many thousands of Victorians from all walks of life each year, performed by a large cast of volunteer performers, under the direction of Robert Durai.

The Melbourne Passion Play is a non-commercial, nondenominational, free public event. Visit the website for more information www.passionplay.info

■ Eltham Little Theatre: Don't Dress For Dinner (by Marc Camoletti) March 15 - 31 at 8pm, Thursday to Saturday, March 23 at 2pm at the Eltham Performing Arts Centre, 1603 Main Rd., Research. Director: Jonne Finnemore. Tickets: $20/$16. Bookings: 9437 1574 www.elthamlittletheatre.org.au

● Henry II (Chris McLean) and estranged wife Eleanor of Aquitaine (Juliet Hayday) in The Lion in Winter.

Photo: Patricia Tyler ■ Heidelberg Theatre Company’s latest production The Lion In Winter is a great example of high quality local theatre shows holding their own in any performance arena.

This outstanding production can be seen until March 10 at 36 Turnham Avenue, Rosanna.

Set in 1183, the story tells of the Christmas gathering of the dysfunctional family of the reigning King of England, Henry II. Henry desperately wants to choose an heir to the throne from his three sons, Richard, John and Geoffrey, and the intricate weavings of deceit, politics, love, favourite children, desire for family unity, wheeling and dealing has recognised relevance to the 21st century.

Elements of The Lion In Winter could be described as tragic, but rather than describing it as a drama, playwright James Goldman prefers to see it as “a comedy in two acts”.

His witty dialogue and colourful characters, beautifully brought to life by HTC’s superb cast under the excellent direction of Karen Wakeham, result in a most enjoyable, first class theatre experience.

The cast of seven fine actors includes Chris McLean (Henry II), Juliet Hayday (Eleanor of Aquitaine), Tom Stammers (Richard), John Murphy (John), Tim Camilleri (Geoffrey), Julia Christensen (Alais, Henry’s mistress) and Kieran Tracey as Phillip II, King of France.

The simple yet cleverly atmospheric set is designed by George Tranter, complimented by Deryk Hartwick’s lighting design.

Wendy Drowley and Cathy Christensen have coordinated the authentic costumes.

Congratulations to Heidelberg Theatre Company on celebrating their 60th anniversary. A splendid display of archival posters, programmes, photos and newspaper articles mapping the company’s history can be seen in the theatre foyer.

The Lion In Winter is a fabulous choice to kick-start this special celebratory year.

Tickets: $25 full price, $22 concession.

Bookings: 9457 4117 www.htc.org.au

SHOWS ■ Fab Nobs Theatre: Avenue Q March 16 - 31at The Fab Factory, 33 Industry Place (Off Malvern Street), Bayswater.

Bookings: 0401 018 846846 www.fabnobstheatre.com.au ■ Eltham Little Theatre: 10 Minute Play Competition Playreading March 18 at 1.00pm. Auditions March 19, 20 at 7.30pm at Eltham Performing Arts Centre, 1603 Main Rd., Research. Enquiries: 10minquickie@gmail.com

■ Essendon Theatre Company: Caravan (by Colin Macdonald) March 15 - 24 at 8pm, Thursday - Saturday, plus 2pm matinee Sunday at the Community Centre, 9 Bradshaw St., West Essendon (off Buckley St.). Bookings: 0422 029 483. www.essendontheatrecompany.com .

■ Beaumaris Theatre: To Kill a Mockingbird (by Harper Lee) March 16 -31 at Beaumaris Theatre, 82 Wells Rd., Beaumaris.

Director: Robyn Morris. Tickets: $25/$22 9583 6896 www.beaumaristheatre.com.au

■ Encore Theatre: Rumors (by Neil Simon) March 16, 17, 22, 23, 24, 29, 30, 31 at 8.00pm, March 18, 25 at 2.15pm at the Clayton Community Centre theatrette, Cooke St., Clayton. Director: Annie Blood. Tickets: $20 Full Price, $18 Concession, $15 Opening Night tickets. Bookings: 1300 739099 www.encoretheatre.com.au

More on Page 61

■ SLAMS: Hairspray March 23 - 31 at the Mahon Theatre, Aquinas College, Great Ryrie St., Ringwood. Tickets: $32/$28.

Bookings: 9720 3205 www.slams.org.au

Cheryl Threadgold on 3AW ■ Non-Pro Theatre columnist Cheryl Threadgold is heard weekly on 3AW Melbourne Overnight program hosted by Andrew McLaren. Cheryl presents a segment with the latest community theatre news at 12.45am Wednesdays.

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 29

Observer Classic Books

er

rv se US N Ob N IO BO CT SE

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Pride and Prejudice

alarmed on the score of the gentleman’s conduct; but even this partial communication gave her a great deal of concern, and she bewailed it as exceedingly unlucky that the ladies should happen to go away just as they were all getting so intimate together. After lamenting it, however, at some length, she had the consolation that Mr. Bingley would be soon down again and soon dining at Longbourn, and the conclusion of all was the comfortable declaration, that though he had been invited only to a family dinner, she would take care to have two full courses.

CHAPTER 21 - continued When they had gained their own room, Jane, taking out the letter, said: “This is from Caroline Bingley; what it contains has surprised me a good deal. The whole party have left Netherfield by this time, and are on their way to town — and without any intention of coming back again. You shall hear what she says.”

She then read the first sentence aloud, which comprised the information of their having just resolved to follow their brother to town directly, and of their meaning to dine in Grosvenor Street, where Mr. Hurst had a house. The next was in these words: “I do not pretend to regret anything I shall leave in Hertfordshire, except your society, my dearest friend; but we will hope, at some future period, to enjoy many returns of that delightful intercourse we have known, and in the meanwhile may lessen the pain of separation by a very frequent and most unreserved correspondence. I depend on you for that.” To these highflown expressions Elizabeth listened with all the insensibility of distrust; and though the suddenness of their removal surprised her, she saw nothing in it really to lament; it was not to be supposed that their absence from Netherfield would prevent Mr. Bingley’s being there; and as to the loss of their society, she was persuaded that Jane must cease to regard it, in the enjoyment of his.

“It is unlucky,” said she, after a short pause, “that you should not be able to see your friends before they leave the country. But may we not hope that the period of future happiness to which Miss Bingley looks forward may arrive earlier than she is aware, and that the delightful intercourse you have known as friends will be renewed with yet greater satisfaction as sisters?

Mr. Bingley will not be detained in London by them.”

“Caroline decidedly says that none of the party will return into Hertfordshire this winter. I will read it to you:” “When my brother left us yesterday, he imagined that the business which took him to London might be concluded in three or four days; but as we are certain it cannot be so, and at the same time convinced that when Charles gets to town he will be in no hurry to leave it again, we have determined on following him thither, that he may not be obliged to spend his vacant hours in a comfortless hotel. Many of my acquaintances are already there for the winter; I wish that I could hear that you, my dearest friend, had any intention of making one of the crowd — but of that I despair. I sincerely hope your Christmas in Hertfordshire may abound in the gaieties which that season generally brings, and that your beaux will be so numerous as to prevent your feeling the loss of the three of whom we shall deprive you.”

“It is evident by this,” added Jane, “that he comes back no more this winter.”

“It is only evident that Miss Bingley does not mean that he SHOULD.” “Why will you think so? It must be his own doing. He is his own master. But you do not know ALL. I WILL read you the passage which particularly hurts me. I will have no reserves from YOU.” “Mr. Darcy is impatient to see his sister; and, to confess the truth, WE are scarcely less eager to meet her again. I really do not think Georgiana Darcy has her equal for beauty, elegance, and accomplishments; and the affection she inspires in Louisa and myself is heightened into something still more interesting, from the hope we dare entertain of her being hereafter our sister. I do not know whether I ever before mentioned to you my feelings on this subject; but I will not leave the country without confiding them, and I trust you will not esteem them unreasonable.

My brother admires her greatly already; he will have frequent opportunity now of seeing her on the most intimate footing; her relations all wish the connection as much as his own; and a sister’s partiality is not misleading me, I think, when I call Charles most capable of engaging any woman’s heart. With all these circumstances to favour an attachment, and nothing to prevent it, am I wrong, my dearest Jane, in indulging the

CHAPTER 22

● Jane Austen hope of an event which will secure the happiness of so many?”

“What do you think of THIS sentence, my dear Lizzy?” said Jane as she finished it. “Is it not clear enough? Does it not expressly declare that Caroline neither expects nor wishes me to be her sister; that she is perfectly convinced of her brother’s indifference; and that if she suspects the nature of my feelings for him, she means (most kindly!) to put me on my guard? Can there be any other opinion on the subject?”

“Yes, there can; for mine is totally different.

Will you hear it?”

“Most willingly.”

“You shall have it in a few words. Miss Bingley sees that her brother is in love with you, and wants him to marry Miss Darcy. She follows him to town in hope of keeping him there, and tries to persuade you that he does not care about you.”

Jane shook her head.

“Indeed, Jane, you ought to believe me. No one who has ever seen you together can doubt his affection. Miss Bingley, I am sure, cannot. She is not such a simpleton. Could she have seen half as much love in Mr. Darcy for herself, she would have ordered her wedding clothes. But the case is this: We are not rich enough or grand enough for them; and she is the more anxious to get Miss Darcy for her brother, from the notion that when there has been ONE intermarriage, she may have less trouble in achieving a second; in which there is certainly some ingenuity, and I dare say it would succeed, if Miss de Bourgh were out of the way. But, my dearest Jane, you cannot seriously imagine that because Miss Bingley tells you her brother greatly admires Miss Darcy, he is in the smallest degree less sensible of YOUR merit than when he took leave of you on Tuesday, or that it will be in her power to persuade him that, instead of being in love with you, he is very much in love with her friend.”

“If we thought alike of Miss Bingley,” replied Jane, “your representation of all this might make

me quite easy. But I know the foundation is unjust. Caroline is incapable of wilfully deceiving anyone; and all that I can hope in this case is that she is deceiving herself.”

“That is right. You could not have started a more happy idea, since you will not take comfort in mine. Believe her to be deceived, by all means.

You have now done your duty by her, and must fret no longer.”

“But, my dear sister, can I be happy, even supposing the best, in accepting a man whose sisters and friends are all wishing him to marry elsewhere?”

“You must decide for yourself,” said Elizabeth; “and if, upon mature deliberation, you find that the misery of disobliging his two sisters is more than equivalent to the happiness of being his wife, I advise you by all means to refuse him.”

“How can you talk so?” said Jane, faintly smiling. “You must know that though I should be exceedingly grieved at their disapprobation, I could not hesitate.”

“I did not think you would; and that being the case, I cannot consider your situation with much compassion.”

“But if he returns no more this winter, my choice will never be required. A thousand things may arise in six months!”

The idea of his returning no more Elizabeth treated with the utmost contempt. It appeared to her merely the suggestion of Caroline’s interested wishes, and she could not for a moment suppose that those wishes, however openly or artfully spoken, could influence a young man so totally independent of everyone.

She represented to her sister as forcibly as possible what she felt on the subject, and had soon the pleasure of seeing its happy effect. Jane’s temper was not desponding, and she was gradually led to hope, though the diffidence of affection sometimes overcame the hope, that Bingley would return to Netherfield and answer every wish of her heart.

They agreed that Mrs. Bennet should only hear of the departure of the family, without being

The Bennets were engaged to dine with the Lucases and again during the chief of the day was Miss Lucas so kind as to listen to Mr. Collins.

Elizabeth took an opportunity of thanking her.

“It keeps him in good humour,” said she, “and I am more obliged to you than I can express.”

Charlotte assured her friend of her satisfaction in being useful, and that it amply repaid her for the little sacrifice of her time. This was very amiable, but Charlotte’s kindness extended farther than Elizabeth had any conception of; its object was nothing else than to secure her from any return of Mr. Collins’s addresses, by engaging them towards herself. Such was Miss Lucas’s scheme; and appearances were so favourable, that when they parted at night, she would have felt almost secure of success if he had not been to leave Hertfordshire so very soon.

But here she did injustice to the fire and independence of his character, for it led him to escape out of Longbourn House the next morning with admirable slyness, and hasten to Lucas Lodge to throw himself at her feet. He was anxious to avoid the notice of his cousins, from a conviction that if they saw him depart, they could not fail to conjecture his design, and he was not willing to have the attempt known till its success might be known likewise; for though feeling almost secure, and with reason, for Charlotte had been tolerably encouraging, he was comparatively diffident since the adventure of Wednesday. His reception, however, was of the most flattering kind. Miss Lucas perceived him from an upper window as he walked towards the house, and instantly set out to meet him accidentally in the lane. But little had she dared to hope that so much love and eloquence awaited her there.

In as short a time as Mr. Collins’s long speeches would allow, everything was settled between them to the satisfaction of both; and as they entered the house he earnestly entreated her to name the day that was to make him the happiest of men; and though such a solicitation must be waived for the present, the lady felt no inclination to trifle with his happiness. The stupidity with which he was favoured by nature must guard his courtship from any charm that could make a woman wish for its continuance; and Miss Lucas, who accepted him solely from the pure and disinterested desire of an establishment, cared not how soon that establishment were gained.

Sir William and Lady Lucas were speedily applied to for their consent; and it was bestowed with a most joyful alacrity. Mr. Collins’s present circumstances made it a most eligible match for their daughter, to whom they could give little fortune; and his prospects of future wealth were exceedingly fair. Lady Lucas began directly to calculate, with more interest than the matter had ever excited before, how many years longer Mr. Bennet was likely to live; and Sir William gave it as his decided opinion, that whenever Mr. Collins should be in possession of the Longbourn estate, it would be highly expedient that both he and his wife should make their appearance at St. James’s. The whole family, in short, were properly overjoyed on the occasion. The younger girls formed hopes of COMING OUT a year or two sooner than they might otherwise have done; and the boys were relieved from their apprehension of Charlotte’s dying an old maid. Charlotte herself was tolerably composed. She had gained her point, and had time to consider of it.

Her reflections were in general satisfactory. Mr. Collins, to be sure, was neither sensible nor agreeable; his society was irksome, and his at

Continued on Page 30

Page 30 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Observer Classic Books

From Page 29 tachment to her must be imaginary. But still he would be her husband. Without thinking highly either of men or matrimony, marriage had always been her object; it was the only provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want. This preservative she had now obtained; and at the age of twenty-seven, without having ever been handsome, she felt all the good luck of it. The least agreeable circumstance in the business was the surprise it must occasion to Elizabeth Bennet, whose friendship she valued beyond that of any other person. Elizabeth would wonder, and probably would blame her; and though her resolution was not to be shaken, her feelings must be hurt by such a disapprobation.

She resolved to give her the information herself, and therefore charged Mr. Collins, when he returned to Longbourn to dinner, to drop no hint of what had passed before any of the family. A promise of secrecy was of course very dutifully given, but it could not be kept without difficulty; for the curiosity excited by his long absence burst forth in such very direct questions on his return as required some ingenuity to evade, and he was at the same time exercising great self-denial, for he was longing to publish his prosperous love.

As he was to begin his journey too early on the morrow to see any of the family, the ceremony of leave-taking was performed when the ladies moved for the night; and Mrs. Bennet, with great politeness and cordiality, said how happy they should be to see him at Longbourn again, whenever his engagements might allow him to visit them.

“My dear madam,” he replied, “this invitation is particularly gratifying, because it is what I have been hoping to receive; and you may be very certain that I shall avail myself of it as soon as possible.”

They were all astonished; and Mr. Bennet, who could by no means wish for so speedy a return, immediately said: “But is there not danger of Lady Catherine’s disapprobation here, my good sir? You had better neglect your relations than run the risk of offending your patroness.”

“My dear sir,” replied Mr. Collins,” I am par-

ticularly obliged to you for this friendly caution, and you may depend upon my not taking so material a step without her ladyship’s concurrence.”

“You cannot be too much upon your guard. Risk anything rather than her displeasure; and if you find it likely to be raised by your coming to us again, which I should think exceedingly probable, stay quietly at home, and be satisfied that WE shall take no offence.”

“Believe me, my dear sir, my gratitude is warmly excited by such affectionate attention; and depend upon it, you will speedily receive from me a letter of thanks for this, and for every other mark of your regard during my stay in Hertfordshire. As for my fair cousins, though my absence may not be long enough to render it necessary, I shall now take the liberty of wishing them health and happiness, not excepting my cousin Elizabeth.”

With proper civilities the ladies then withdrew; all of them equally surprised that he meditated a quick return. Mrs. Bennet wished to understand by it that he thought of paying his addresses to one of her younger girls, and Mary might have been prevailed on to accept him. She rated his abilities much higher than any of the others; there was a solidity in his reflections which often struck her, and though by no means so clever as herself, she thought that if encouraged to read and improve himself by such an example as hers, he might become a very agreeable companion.

But on the following morning, every hope of this kind was done away. Miss Lucas called soon after breakfast, and in a private conference with Elizabeth related the event of the day before.

The possibility of Mr. Collins’s fancying herself in love with her friend had once occurred to Elizabeth within the last day or two; but that Charlotte could encourage him seemed almost as far from possibility as she could encourage him herself, and her astonishment was consequently so great as to overcome at first the bounds of decorum, and she could not help crying out: “Engaged to Mr. Collins! My dear Charlotte — impossible!”

The steady countenance which Miss Lucas had commanded in telling her story, gave way to a momentary confusion here on receiving so direct a reproach; though, as it was no more than she expected, she soon regained her compo-

Melbourne

ObserverLooking for a

Professional to run the show? ★ Compere/Host ★ Auctioneer ★ Promotions ★ A-Grade Journalist ★ Voice-Over Commercials ★ Race Caller All Sports, Race Nights ★ TV, Radio, Press ★ Respected Member of the Media

Ted Ryan Phone 9876 1652 Mobile: 0412 682 927 E-Mail: tedryan@australiaonline.net.au ted.ryan@optusnet.com.au

sure, and calmly replied: “Why should you be surprised, my dear Eliza?

Do you think it incredible that Mr. Collins should be able to procure any woman’s good opinion, because he was not so happy as to succeed with you?”

But Elizabeth had now recollected herself, and making a strong effort for it, was able to assure with tolerable firmness that the prospect of their relationship was highly grateful to her, and that she wished her all imaginable happiness.

“I see what you are feeling,” replied Charlotte.

“You must be surprised, very much surprised — so lately as Mr. Collins was wishing to marry you. But when you have had time to think it over, I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done. I am not romantic, you know; I never was. I ask only a comfortable home; and considering Mr. Collins’s character, connection, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.”

Elizabeth quietly answered “Undoubtedly;” and after an awkward pause, they returned to the rest of the family. Charlotte did not stay much longer, and Elizabeth was then left to reflect on what she had heard. It was a long time before she became at all reconciled to the idea of so unsuitable a match. The strangeness of Mr. Collins’s making two offers of marriage within three days was nothing in comparison of his being now accepted. She had always felt that Charlotte’s opinion of matrimony was not exactly like her own, but she had not supposed it to be possible that, when called into action, she would have sacrificed every better feeling to worldly advantage. Charlotte the wife of Mr. Collins was a most humiliating picture! And to the pang of a friend disgracing herself and sunk in her esteem, was added the distressing conviction that it was impossible for that friend to be tolerably happy in the lot she had chosen.

CHAPTER 23 Elizabeth was sitting with her mother and sisters, reflecting on what she had heard, and doubting whether she was authorised to mention it, when Sir William Lucas himself appeared, sent by his daughter, to announce her engagement to the family. With many compliments to them,

and much self-gratulation on the prospect of a connection between the houses, he unfolded the matter — to an audience not merely wondering, but incredulous; for Mrs. Bennet, with more perseverance than politeness, protested he must be entirely mistaken; and Lydia, always unguarded and often uncivil, boisterously exclaimed: “Good Lord! Sir William, how can you tell such a story? Do not you know that Mr. Collins wants to marry Lizzy?”

Nothing less than the complaisance of a courtier could have borne without anger such treatment; but Sir William’s good breeding carried him through it all; and though he begged leave to be positive as to the truth of his information, he listened to all their impertinence with the most forbearing courtesy.

Elizabeth, feeling it incumbent on her to relieve him from so unpleasant a situation, now put herself forward to confirm his account, by mentioning her prior knowledge of it from Charlotte herself; and endeavoured to put a stop to the exclamations of her mother and sisters by the earnestness of her congratulations to Sir William, in which she was readily joined by Jane, and by making a variety of remarks on the happiness that might be expected from the match, the excellent character of Mr. Collins, and the convenient distance of Hunsford from London.

Mrs. Bennet was in fact too much overpowered to say a great deal while Sir William remained; but no sooner had he left them than her feelings found a rapid vent. In the first place, she persisted in disbelieving the whole of the matter; secondly, she was very sure that Mr. Collins had been taken in; thirdly, she trusted that they would never be happy together; and fourthly, that the match might be broken off. Two inferences, however, were plainly deduced from the whole: one, that Elizabeth was the real cause of the mischief; and the other that she herself had been barbarously misused by them all; and on these two points she principally dwelt during the rest of the day. Nothing could console and nothing could appease her. Nor did that day wear out her resentment. A week elapsed before she could see Elizabeth without scolding her, a month passed away before she could speak to Sir William or Lady Lucas without being rude, and many months were gone before she could at all forgive their daughter.

More Next Week

Observer Crossword Solution No 5 D OWN P O U R SONGB I RD I H U GA D E E E E R CH A S T I S E S HOP T A L K C S T Y E L L T W E RR U AME R I C A O OD E S S A A E MOP E D S X ROB SMA C K E D V S T A T I C O P T N E V A D A D S HU T P E R I OD S D NOOK S N S O E I D R U P D A S T A N D D OWN B I ND I I D U B GR A S N I MB A ME A NN E S S OG L I NG M W A E C E D U M G E R E A D E R S B EMOA N E D A N O S UMO A R C G I N T E N S E A L B UM I D E Y N A D E P T A I L L M I MP A C T X S I D E S B R I P C U T A H M U S E D N WH I T E R M O P E C ME L I H D I NU I T U H B A I C I NG N A L C A T R A Z R O HOGA N S R O E T D I L I I N S T R EM I T S N R CO I L V S I L O O A RMA D A O R E S T S MAO O Q R A NGE I T A I K E L L I P S E ME D I A NOO E N E N X O R R I T E P L A C E BO D I S A B L E D O F C S I W U S EO S K E L E T ON A F I E L D B E R D L S L I P R E A L Z E B R A T D Y S P E P S I A A L I V Z L P R E C UN L A T CH O L E A V E R G I N A T UR E N R E S P S T E NC I L R D E C A Y S R Z E C E A S E X R CH E R E A RMS L R E P L I C A S O R E MA L I O Z P A S M I CH E N E R N E UROS I S D T I MP N N S P A P S I D E A RMS S T E P SON S

L I D O

Y NCH I NG E O N A NDRU F F R E R E S U I C I D E E D N N L A V E NGE E Y E A R I X N E V E R T E D A A O OW L E T L E R M I D L S E DUC E E D N L C D E CR E A S E P I T M A L C L I MB OOH N E A R E DGA R E L S A C S S A MA CH P C N R OU T R AGE D K O T D E P S I R I S R E NO T R I A NGS T MSG I R N E A UD I O V S D P S A B A T I N I U L K N C K C I N EMA I S E S E L Y NUR S E A S T E K K RUCH E I T E U S P E S P R I T A T L N H H E A V E HO T E C X M I RR I T A T E R E D C E DMON T ON

C HO B I R A A S F GO H A NU I H I L L U N A S P C A R H I N AG L OY OK C F OV R B A C D E L O A A N B E D

R EMA T I I E L E A K E E M T H I GH SO U MAMMO UR T GS T R I E E T R I E N R N O E A D L O M I D B UC K L L T E E A S E S D E L R E AG T I N A DD L B L E O ME A NDU T ORCH R A H B L A Z A L I N EWN E E E M CR A V A D S N OV E R A T L T E R S E E E N MA R A C E S B T OO L K E N E S A D I M G C UME RO L N N E N T I S

E D E S T E E R X T H I NG C T S I NG N E S U U P S A N G E D O L S E I D D E D A S S Y T S T GE M R S O A S D I T E SM A U S K T S

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, December 21, 2012 - Page 43

Victoria Pictorial

Williamstown Historic Photo Collection

● Williamstown Beach

● Williamstown Police Court

● Williamstown High School

● Williamstown Football Club

● Williamstown Post Office

● Methodist Church. Electra St, Williamstown

● Former Morgue. Ann St, Williamstown

● 1914-1918 War Memorial, Williamstown

Page 44 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne People

Terry Davis and Frank Howson Birthday Party South Yarra Photos: Vanessa Allan

● Birthday boys Terry Davis and Frank Howson

● Southern FM's Matt O'Brien and Wired lead singer James Cupples.

● Maria McMillan and Verne Koop.

● Carey Cavanagh and Matthew Armstrong

● Jenny Jackson and Leander Brett

● Christine Arazi and Raeline Brady

● Alex Scott and Frank Howson.

● Tess Young and John Turner

● Photos by Vanessa Allan

● Wired lead singer James Cupples

● Robert Lloyd and Frank Howson

● Bobby Bright and Terry Davis

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012 - Page 47

Melbourne People

Melbourne Awards City of Melbourne

● Nick Stong, Campbell Walker, Siebhan Brown and Kirsten Bickendorf

● Lauran Tairi and Susie Filetti

● Matthew Trigg, Krista Milne and Phil Wilkinson

● Melbourne Awards ambassador Harold Mitchell

● Deputy Lord Mayor Cr Susan Riley with Harold Mitchell

● Grahan Woosey with Cherie Fraser

● Gemma Borgo-Caratti, Ellen Sandell, Arron Wood and Stephanie Sunstan

● Melanie Reymond, Sue Roff, Catherine Easton, Lyn Swinburne and Susan Barton

Page 48 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, March 7, 2012

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne People

● Will Wright with Justin Burns

● Moya Palmer with Christian Smith

● Allan Smith with Andrew Wailes

Christian Smith 21st Birthday Celebrations European Bier Cafe

● Dusty Miller, Christian Smith, Carol Mille

● Julie Houghton with Christian Smith

● Neville Houghton, Olwen Houghton, and Loma Watts

● Stuart Burns with Edward Smith

● Shazz Naidu, Christian Smith and Alisa Sakura Scott

● Nick Dinopolous with Andrew Wailes