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E T HE

Convention Ear CONVENTION L L A R O F E C THE PLA

BUZZ

SUNDAY SCL EDITION | APRIL 28, 2019

FLORIDA MAN MISTAKEN FOR SPONSOR BREAKS CURFEW AND FACES BEING SENT HOME AT HIS PARENTS' EXPENSE

By Chris P. Milk and Orla N. Do (SCL Members-At-Medium) Late

Saturday

night,

an

unidentified

man

faced

the

"Bruh,”

said

an

anonymous

student

from

the

wrath of the State Chairs for a misdeed he did not

[REDACTED] High School delegation. “Yo, we made this

commit. The only known fact about this individual is his

dude our legit sponsor, our old one yeeted out of here

state of origin -- Florida; all other details have not been

real quick.”

released to the public and are unknown to authorities. The man reported that he was framed for an infraction

It

he did not commit. “Latin convention?” he said, “What

actually tried to follow this man and threatened him

kind of social brouhaha is this? All I wanted was a nice

with their gladiator weapons to take them to the movies

trip to the coast of New England.”

with him.

Records

say

the

individual

was

not

even

officially

turns

That

is,

out

until

that

he

the

entire

spoiled

the

[REDACTED]

ending

of

delegation

the

movie

by

registered for the Classics-themed convention. “I saw

yelling “**** *** ***** ****** *** ****” [REDACTED

him walk out of the high school and noticed that he

DUE

went past the shuttle buses into the parking lot, in the

Students, sponsors, hotel administrators, even the state

direction of the movie theater,” one sponsor said. “After

chairs were up in arms, taking up their graphic arts-

confronting

turned-weapons to ward off this common enemy. Soon,

him

about

it,

he

told

me

that

he

had

TO

mob

POSSIBLE

surrounded

SPOILERS]

mysteriously disappeared. Screams have been heard the

was saying, but I knew he was breaking the rules. I had

elevator shaft, though it is unclear whether these events

no choice but to discipline him like I would any other

are

attendee.”

curfew.

students

are

he

has

lobby.

the new Avengers movie. I didn’t understand what he

if

and

hotel

a

or

man,

the

attempted to take transit to the local theater to watch

connected

this

in

just

out

since

past

then

their

Any sightings should be reported to the SCL. This man is The so-called “JCLers," the official name for members of

armed and dangerous, make sure your eyes and ears

the organization, initially vouched for him, saying that

are

“[they] would sneak out to go see Endgame if [they]

CAVE from now until the end of 3rd GA for any students

had the chance as well.”

concerned about their personal safety in this serious,

covered.

We

are

providing

free

earplugs

at

the

serious matter.

CONVENTION EAR | 1


̽ ̄̈͛͐ ́

̎́ ̾ ̎͝ ̒͒ ̈̂̈͊̅ ́ ̈̽ ́ ̃ ͊̆͛ ̂̿̓ ̃ ̈͝ ́ ̽̽̓̂ ̅̇ ̌̑̇̿ ́ ̚ď ̧̨̫͛̄ ̢ ̨̭̒ą̴ ̧̃ ̢̬͗ȩ̶ ̰̲̐ ́ ̊ s ̼͓͑̚ ͕̝͗̏ ͖̮̏g̷ c̵̋ ̰͆ů̸̘͒r̸̻̤̄̿̚ ̆ş̴͎̯͐ ̢ ͖͇̎e̶ ̗̗ ̳ ̵ ̦ ͚̖̟̬͑̽ ̊ȉ̸̸͈͍̙̓ m̵ ͎ ̘ ̹̭̩ ̜͓ ̼̯̟ ̰͙̻ ̭ ̖ ̮̫̣ ̯̪̠ ̦ ͖̤ ̱ ̩̙̪̥̘ ̭ ̪ ̫ ̭ ̪ ̯ ͉ ̲ ̭ ̱ ̘ ̖ ͍̼ ̜ ̭ ͙ ̘ ̺̮͓ ̭̥̝ ͅ ͓̞ ̝̭ ͖͚ ̻̟ ̖ ͍̬ ̣ ̱ ͜ ͈̳ ͜ ̟ ͖ ͅ

JCLERS FALL THROUGH KNIGHT AUDITORIUM STAGE By Nhat A. Phan and Audat Hertz (SCL Members-in-Theory) As sponsors began to arrive at Barnstable High Sunday

The MassJCL officers and this year's

morning, the hallways of the school were eerily quiet, as

candidates did not emerge unscathed from

were the hotel lobby and their fellowships rooms. The peace of the early morning was pleasing to the adults, but soon things took a turn for the worst.

the unknown horrors lurking in the Knight Auditorium from Friday's General Assembly. Our historian, Emma Cohen, was able to snap some pictures of the victims...

In turns out that after half of the JCL delegates present as

convention

got

poofed

out

by

Thanos

yesterday

evening, the other half got stuck on the bottom of the Knight

Auditorium

stage.

The

driving

cause

of

these

collaborative actions remains unknown; however, from forensic research, it appeared to the investigation team that they wanted to the final clue of the scavenger hunt put forth by the MassJCL officers.

“Let this be a warning to you all. JCLers remain ignorant of the glory of the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and the indispensable Senior Classical League. Seek the

truth,

JCLers,

but

beware!,”

said

a

ghost

buried

under the stage with them, who is unrelated to the SCL in any regard. The enormous gap in the knowledge of a humble JCLer and their search for indispensability led them to follow this evil spirit. Even the MassJCL officers succumbed their

to

combined

the

gaping

forces

to

darkness. escape

JCLers

from

the

gathered stage

by

playlist Scan

the

QR

code

below

to

buzzing heavily in high pitches. “JCLers, lets go get in

channel

formation!”

and runway diva with the playlist

wreckage

They

screamed.

attempted

to

One

explain

student their

from

actions.

the “We

wanted to perform the final action on the scavenger

from

your

inner

MassJCL's

Queen

Project

Bee

Runway

event!

hunt, channel the spirit of Beyoncé’s hive. Singing got us here, but it will get us out of here. I believe in the power of Queen Bee!!!” It did not. Years later, BHS students can still hear small collective murmurs “I slay” in the rubble under Knight Auditorium. Convention has since left Barnstable High due to the horrors that the JCL now wanted to escape.

CONVENTION EAR | 2


NEW CULT FOUNDED AROUND MYSTICAL BUZZWORTHY BEING By Cook E. Doe and Kurt Aman (SCL Members-in-Questioning) After the successful debut of our lord and

The JCLers were heard saying, “Oh bless us

savior

Certamen god, bless us with knowledge and

Mr.

Saturday

Howard night,

a

on

the

few

main

groups

screen of

JCL

delegates have decided to exalt him as their

victory

at

tomorrow’s

competition!

Crustulum est noster dominus!”

new god, the Certamen guru. Late Saturday, our reporter heard strange noises from one of

Sponsors began running home at their own

the

expense, fearing a Children of the Corn (or

empty

classrooms

within

Barnstable:

“Crustulum est noster dominus. Crustulum est

rather,

nostra vita." “Cookie…? What is this cookie

members

they’re

board

determinations of activities, including talks

member asked when interviewed by an SCLer

of future rituals involving sleep deprivation,

late last night. When they approached this

studying for fun, and push ups until we can

room,

no longer breathe.

speaking

they

Certamen

about?”

discovered

buzzers

a

MassJCL

a

placed

horrible in

a

sight:

Cor)

situation. have

Interviewed

organized

cult initial

pentagram

shape with a Nyan Cat in the middle. The Boston

Latin

School

teacher’s

face

superimposed on the cat’s face.

was

When

asked,

Mr.

Howard

refused

to

comment.

The SCL Trinity

Mr. Michael "Ya Boi" Howard

Jamie "Tap Hands" Doyle

Ms. Francesca "Queen Be(e)y" Fontin

Image credit: MA SCL (left), Emma Cohen (center, right)

CONVENTION EAR | 3


Convention Forecast FRI.

SAT.

Scattered sun showers that

Sunny and warm, perfect for

Rainy and windy morning

Olympika!

with hopefully a clear and

stop just in time to kickoff

SUN.

bright afternoon for spirit,

Convention!

chariot, and the worm contests!

THE WEATHER REPORT By Sunni Day and Biz E. Bee (SCL Members-in-Waiting) We began Convention on a truly dreary note with a heavy set fog that would later turn into rain. We started off similarly on Saturday morning but this quickly broke away for some beautiful sunshine! As we go into tomorrow, we will be off to a slow start with a lot of rain, reflecting the sadness that JCLers will feel at the end of Convention.

The potential traffic jams and rain, however, are not the main concerns for sponsors and chaperones. According to unknown sources, certain sponsors and chaperones have reported students going missing for long periods of time and occasionally turning up unharmed. These incidents allegedly occurred on Friday night and Saturday morning during the heavy fog. The concern is that the fog will claim more students as Convention winds down, endangering their sponsors' jobs and schools' reputations. If you see anything suspicious, please contact the CAVE immediately.

In slightly unrelated news, the SCLers, chaperones, and sponsors have seemed to be a little less stressed this Convention, especially during times of fog.

CONVENTION EAR |Â 4


STUDENTS PERFORM CONCERNING ACTS FOR LARGE SUMS OF MONEY By Coren See and Bill Lee-o’Naire (SCL Members-at-Small) On

Saturday

night,

SCLers

found

some

disturbing

images

on

stage.

They

observed

scary

acts

including eating a skinless lemon whole, singing Mr. Cellophane for pocket change, and eating algebra homework. The SCLers who, after witnessing this disturbing display, had more questions that could be answered. “Are they ok?” one SCLer asked. “If they need some lunch money, I’ll get them a pancake from IHOP.” “I think they might be sick.” “How much are they getting paid for this? Where can I apply?”

After these questions, SCLers concluded that these students could not afford to return home at their own expense and were performing embarrassing acts to raise enough money to get home Sunday morning. Others speculated that these students were raising extra money for a late night Dominos snack. When asked about this theory, an SCLer responded “I wish I were getting paid for this.”

The real reason behind these strange acts for money, State Chair Janet Fillion verified, was that members of the JCL board were raising money for National Convention packet scholarships. “Sounds like a scam," an SCLer replied. “I bet they spend it all on paper snacks.” .

Photo by Emma Cohen

Scan the QR code to watch the SCL skits from Dollars 4 Scholars!

CONVENTION EAR | 5


announcements SCAVENGER HUNT Have some free time to explore the Barnstable campus? The deadline for scavenger hunt entries has been extended to today before GA starts the winner will receive 10 raffle tickets!

Go to

bit.ly/cescavengerhunt to view the clues.

GOT ANY CUTE JCL PICS? Send

your

Cohen used

in

at

best

pictures

to

Historian

bit.ly/jclphotomemories2019

the

state

scrapbook

and

a

Emma to

be

special

memories video!

RAFFLE TICKETS! Raffle results will be announced at today's GA! Buy raffle tickets ($1 for 1, $6 for 5) from any MassJCL officer before GA starts to have a chance to win some snazzy prizes!

scan the QR code for a full list of links or g

to

http://bit.ly/2019stateslinks

CONVENTION EAR |Â 6


shoutouts

Shoutout to Ms. FIllion for Shoutout to Mr. Howard, best

getting me into classics

coach and best ya boi a

club and showing me an

Certamen team could hope for

amazing family!

Shoutout to all the magistrae and magistri, Dan, you're iconic

and especially Ms. Foley, who took us on a truly life-changing experience to the Spanish Steps. Shoutout to Spanish Step 17 in

Shoutout to Carina

particular.

for leading us through this year! Magistra, thanks for taking us even if we don't go to Shoutout to Mr.

your school, love you!

Bakkala for dealing with us :,)

Thank you to Jo for Shoutout to the 2018-2019 board

being an amazing friend

for doing a great job running

and my bathtub buddy

Convention!!!

forever. Love you!

Thank you to all those who submitted shoutouts to this year's edition of the Convention Ear! CONVENTION EAR |  7


memes + memories

Photo by Emma Cohen

Photo by Emma Cohen

Photo by Emma Cohen

Photo by Jesse Hogan

Photo by Emma Cohen

Photo by Emma Cohen Photo by Emma Cohen

Photo by Emma Cohen

Photo by Emma Cohen

CONVENTION EAR | 8


special thanks to

Dalena Nguyen

Ting Wei Li

Ms. Francesca Fontin

Jonathan Yuan

Shreya Murthy

Ina Beinborn

Janice Bautista

Kathleen Schipelliti

for writing this issue's SCL articles!

All icons from Canva and PNG Repo

Thank you for reading the Convention Ear, and here's to another year of JCL!

CONVENTION EAR | 9


stay connected!

bit.ly/zohoschedule

bit.ly/barnstablemap

@massjcl

@massjcl

"MassJCL" @wearemajcl

www.massjcl.org

CONVENTION EAR |Â 10

Profile for MassJCL Editor

MassJCL Convention Ear | April 28, 2019  

Black and white (print) edition of the 2019 Sunday SCL edition of the MassJCL Convention Ear.

MassJCL Convention Ear | April 28, 2019  

Black and white (print) edition of the 2019 Sunday SCL edition of the MassJCL Convention Ear.

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