E T HE
Convention Ear CONVENTION L L A R O F E C THE PLA
BUZZ
SUNDAY SCL EDITION | APRIL 28, 2019
FLORIDA MAN MISTAKEN FOR SPONSOR BREAKS CURFEW AND FACES BEING SENT HOME AT HIS PARENTS' EXPENSE
By Chris P. Milk and Orla N. Do (SCL Members-At-Medium) Late
Saturday
night,
an
unidentified
man
faced
the
"Bruh,”
said
an
anonymous
student
from
the
wrath of the State Chairs for a misdeed he did not
[REDACTED] High School delegation. “Yo, we made this
commit. The only known fact about this individual is his
dude our legit sponsor, our old one yeeted out of here
state of origin -- Florida; all other details have not been
real quick.”
released to the public and are unknown to authorities. The man reported that he was framed for an infraction
It
he did not commit. “Latin convention?” he said, “What
actually tried to follow this man and threatened him
kind of social brouhaha is this? All I wanted was a nice
with their gladiator weapons to take them to the movies
trip to the coast of New England.”
with him.
Records
say
the
individual
was
not
even
officially
turns
That
is,
out
until
that
he
the
entire
spoiled
the
[REDACTED]
ending
of
delegation
the
movie
by
registered for the Classics-themed convention. “I saw
yelling “**** *** ***** ****** *** ****” [REDACTED
him walk out of the high school and noticed that he
DUE
went past the shuttle buses into the parking lot, in the
Students, sponsors, hotel administrators, even the state
direction of the movie theater,” one sponsor said. “After
chairs were up in arms, taking up their graphic arts-
confronting
turned-weapons to ward off this common enemy. Soon,
him
about
it,
he
told
me
that
he
had
TO
mob
POSSIBLE
surrounded
SPOILERS]
mysteriously disappeared. Screams have been heard the
was saying, but I knew he was breaking the rules. I had
elevator shaft, though it is unclear whether these events
no choice but to discipline him like I would any other
are
attendee.”
curfew.
students
are
he
has
lobby.
the new Avengers movie. I didn’t understand what he
if
and
hotel
a
or
man,
the
attempted to take transit to the local theater to watch
connected
this
in
just
out
since
past
then
their
Any sightings should be reported to the SCL. This man is The so-called “JCLers," the official name for members of
armed and dangerous, make sure your eyes and ears
the organization, initially vouched for him, saying that
are
“[they] would sneak out to go see Endgame if [they]
CAVE from now until the end of 3rd GA for any students
had the chance as well.”
concerned about their personal safety in this serious,
covered.
We
are
providing
free
earplugs
at
the
serious matter.
CONVENTION EAR | 1
̽ ̄̈͛͐ ́
̎́ ̾ ̎͝ ̒͒ ̈̂̈͊̅ ́ ̈̽ ́ ̃ ͊̆͛ ̂̿̓ ̃ ̈͝ ́ ̽̽̓̂ ̅̇ ̌̑̇̿ ́ ̚ď ̧̨̫͛̄ ̢ ̨̭̒ą̴ ̧̃ ̢̬͗ȩ̶ ̰̲̐ ́ ̊ s ̼͓͑̚ ͕̝͗̏ ͖̮̏g̷ c̵̋ ̰͆ů̸̘͒r̸̻̤̄̿̚ ̆ş̴͎̯͐ ̢ ͖͇̎e̶ ̗̗ ̳ ̵ ̦ ͚̖̟̬͑̽ ̊ȉ̸̸͈͍̙̓ m̵ ͎ ̘ ̹̭̩ ̜͓ ̼̯̟ ̰͙̻ ̭ ̖ ̮̫̣ ̯̪̠ ̦ ͖̤ ̱ ̩̙̪̥̘ ̭ ̪ ̫ ̭ ̪ ̯ ͉ ̲ ̭ ̱ ̘ ̖ ͍̼ ̜ ̭ ͙ ̘ ̺̮͓ ̭̥̝ ͅ ͓̞ ̝̭ ͖͚ ̻̟ ̖ ͍̬ ̣ ̱ ͜ ͈̳ ͜ ̟ ͖ ͅ
JCLERS FALL THROUGH KNIGHT AUDITORIUM STAGE By Nhat A. Phan and Audat Hertz (SCL Members-in-Theory) As sponsors began to arrive at Barnstable High Sunday
The MassJCL officers and this year's
morning, the hallways of the school were eerily quiet, as
candidates did not emerge unscathed from
were the hotel lobby and their fellowships rooms. The peace of the early morning was pleasing to the adults, but soon things took a turn for the worst.
the unknown horrors lurking in the Knight Auditorium from Friday's General Assembly. Our historian, Emma Cohen, was able to snap some pictures of the victims...
In turns out that after half of the JCL delegates present as
convention
got
poofed
out
by
Thanos
yesterday
evening, the other half got stuck on the bottom of the Knight
Auditorium
stage.
The
driving
cause
of
these
collaborative actions remains unknown; however, from forensic research, it appeared to the investigation team that they wanted to the final clue of the scavenger hunt put forth by the MassJCL officers.
“Let this be a warning to you all. JCLers remain ignorant of the glory of the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and the indispensable Senior Classical League. Seek the
truth,
JCLers,
but
beware!,”
said
a
ghost
buried
under the stage with them, who is unrelated to the SCL in any regard. The enormous gap in the knowledge of a humble JCLer and their search for indispensability led them to follow this evil spirit. Even the MassJCL officers succumbed their
to
combined
the
gaping
forces
to
darkness. escape
JCLers
from
the
gathered stage
by
playlist Scan
the
QR
code
below
to
buzzing heavily in high pitches. “JCLers, lets go get in
channel
formation!”
and runway diva with the playlist
wreckage
They
screamed.
attempted
to
One
explain
student their
from
actions.
the “We
wanted to perform the final action on the scavenger
from
your
inner
MassJCL's
Queen
Project
Bee
Runway
event!
hunt, channel the spirit of Beyoncé’s hive. Singing got us here, but it will get us out of here. I believe in the power of Queen Bee!!!” It did not. Years later, BHS students can still hear small collective murmurs “I slay” in the rubble under Knight Auditorium. Convention has since left Barnstable High due to the horrors that the JCL now wanted to escape.
CONVENTION EAR | 2
NEW CULT FOUNDED AROUND MYSTICAL BUZZWORTHY BEING By Cook E. Doe and Kurt Aman (SCL Members-in-Questioning) After the successful debut of our lord and
The JCLers were heard saying, “Oh bless us
savior
Certamen god, bless us with knowledge and
Mr.
Saturday
Howard night,
a
on
the
few
main
groups
screen of
JCL
delegates have decided to exalt him as their
victory
at
tomorrow’s
competition!
Crustulum est noster dominus!”
new god, the Certamen guru. Late Saturday, our reporter heard strange noises from one of
Sponsors began running home at their own
the
expense, fearing a Children of the Corn (or
empty
classrooms
within
Barnstable:
“Crustulum est noster dominus. Crustulum est
rather,
nostra vita." “Cookie…? What is this cookie
members
they’re
board
determinations of activities, including talks
member asked when interviewed by an SCLer
of future rituals involving sleep deprivation,
late last night. When they approached this
studying for fun, and push ups until we can
room,
no longer breathe.
speaking
they
Certamen
about?”
discovered
buzzers
a
MassJCL
a
placed
horrible in
a
sight:
Cor)
situation. have
Interviewed
organized
cult initial
pentagram
shape with a Nyan Cat in the middle. The Boston
Latin
School
teacher’s
face
superimposed on the cat’s face.
was
When
asked,
Mr.
Howard
refused
to
comment.
The SCL Trinity
Mr. Michael "Ya Boi" Howard
Jamie "Tap Hands" Doyle
Ms. Francesca "Queen Be(e)y" Fontin
Image credit: MA SCL (left), Emma Cohen (center, right)
CONVENTION EAR | 3
Convention Forecast FRI.
SAT.
Scattered sun showers that
Sunny and warm, perfect for
Rainy and windy morning
Olympika!
with hopefully a clear and
stop just in time to kickoff
SUN.
bright afternoon for spirit,
Convention!
chariot, and the worm contests!
THE WEATHER REPORT By Sunni Day and Biz E. Bee (SCL Members-in-Waiting) We began Convention on a truly dreary note with a heavy set fog that would later turn into rain. We started off similarly on Saturday morning but this quickly broke away for some beautiful sunshine! As we go into tomorrow, we will be off to a slow start with a lot of rain, reflecting the sadness that JCLers will feel at the end of Convention.
The potential traffic jams and rain, however, are not the main concerns for sponsors and chaperones. According to unknown sources, certain sponsors and chaperones have reported students going missing for long periods of time and occasionally turning up unharmed. These incidents allegedly occurred on Friday night and Saturday morning during the heavy fog. The concern is that the fog will claim more students as Convention winds down, endangering their sponsors' jobs and schools' reputations. If you see anything suspicious, please contact the CAVE immediately.
In slightly unrelated news, the SCLers, chaperones, and sponsors have seemed to be a little less stressed this Convention, especially during times of fog.
CONVENTION EAR |Â 4
STUDENTS PERFORM CONCERNING ACTS FOR LARGE SUMS OF MONEY By Coren See and Bill Lee-o’Naire (SCL Members-at-Small) On
Saturday
night,
SCLers
found
some
disturbing
images
on
stage.
They
observed
scary
acts
including eating a skinless lemon whole, singing Mr. Cellophane for pocket change, and eating algebra homework. The SCLers who, after witnessing this disturbing display, had more questions that could be answered. “Are they ok?” one SCLer asked. “If they need some lunch money, I’ll get them a pancake from IHOP.” “I think they might be sick.” “How much are they getting paid for this? Where can I apply?”
After these questions, SCLers concluded that these students could not afford to return home at their own expense and were performing embarrassing acts to raise enough money to get home Sunday morning. Others speculated that these students were raising extra money for a late night Dominos snack. When asked about this theory, an SCLer responded “I wish I were getting paid for this.”
The real reason behind these strange acts for money, State Chair Janet Fillion verified, was that members of the JCL board were raising money for National Convention packet scholarships. “Sounds like a scam," an SCLer replied. “I bet they spend it all on paper snacks.” .
Photo by Emma Cohen
Scan the QR code to watch the SCL skits from Dollars 4 Scholars!
CONVENTION EAR | 5
announcements SCAVENGER HUNT Have some free time to explore the Barnstable campus? The deadline for scavenger hunt entries has been extended to today before GA starts the winner will receive 10 raffle tickets!
Go to
bit.ly/cescavengerhunt to view the clues.
GOT ANY CUTE JCL PICS? Send
your
Cohen used
in
at
best
pictures
to
Historian
bit.ly/jclphotomemories2019
the
state
scrapbook
and
a
Emma to
be
special
memories video!
RAFFLE TICKETS! Raffle results will be announced at today's GA! Buy raffle tickets ($1 for 1, $6 for 5) from any MassJCL officer before GA starts to have a chance to win some snazzy prizes!
scan the QR code for a full list of links or g
to
http://bit.ly/2019stateslinks
CONVENTION EAR |Â 6
shoutouts
Shoutout to Ms. FIllion for Shoutout to Mr. Howard, best
getting me into classics
coach and best ya boi a
club and showing me an
Certamen team could hope for
amazing family!
Shoutout to all the magistrae and magistri, Dan, you're iconic
and especially Ms. Foley, who took us on a truly life-changing experience to the Spanish Steps. Shoutout to Spanish Step 17 in
Shoutout to Carina
particular.
for leading us through this year! Magistra, thanks for taking us even if we don't go to Shoutout to Mr.
your school, love you!
Bakkala for dealing with us :,)
Thank you to Jo for Shoutout to the 2018-2019 board
being an amazing friend
for doing a great job running
and my bathtub buddy
Convention!!!
forever. Love you!
Thank you to all those who submitted shoutouts to this year's edition of the Convention Ear! CONVENTION EAR | 7
memes + memories
Photo by Emma Cohen
Photo by Emma Cohen
Photo by Emma Cohen
Photo by Jesse Hogan
Photo by Emma Cohen
Photo by Emma Cohen Photo by Emma Cohen
Photo by Emma Cohen
Photo by Emma Cohen
CONVENTION EAR | 8
special thanks to
Dalena Nguyen
Ting Wei Li
Ms. Francesca Fontin
Jonathan Yuan
Shreya Murthy
Ina Beinborn
Janice Bautista
Kathleen Schipelliti
for writing this issue's SCL articles!
All icons from Canva and PNG Repo
Thank you for reading the Convention Ear, and here's to another year of JCL!
CONVENTION EAR | 9
stay connected!
bit.ly/zohoschedule
bit.ly/barnstablemap
@massjcl
@massjcl
"MassJCL" @wearemajcl
www.massjcl.org
CONVENTION EAR |Â 10