Relay this to your friend -you can put into your own words what my favorite Scott from www.AtGardensEdge.com shared so beautifully: “During your pet’s final days, just dedicate your time and energy to giving your beautiful dog all the love you can. After your pet passes, celebrate their life. Light some candles and incense...play spiritual music...invite loved ones over (and have them bring your favorite pizza and some ice cream) to say their goodbyes and grieve with you. There is no reason to rush through this deeply emotional process. If your dog passes away at home, don’t worry...Nothing is going to happen to your pet overnight. Just wrap them in an old sheet and get some rest. Call me in the morning. Keep peace and love in your heart.” Suggest to your friend to write a loving letter to their pet - a letter they can seal and give to the pet mortician after they pass, so their pet can be either buried or cremated with it. This letter can be a testament of so much that they love about their pet; it can include what they are thankful for and what they will miss about them. In that letter/envelope, they can include a small little something that belongs to them so that it will go “with your pet” (I’d recommend staying away from any plastic or metal objects as they’d likely compromise the ashes in the cremation process, but a section of a special blanket, a lock of your hair, a photo would surely work). Then, when the pet passes, your friend can ask the mortician to please include that envelope with their dearly beloved. Let them know there is nothing plastic or metal in it. The mortician will say yes. This is a wonderfully emotional and healing exercise before a pet is cremated or buried. Another way to help navigate anticipatory grief is suggesting to your friend invite a few close friends over, even just 2, and you all share favorite moments of times together with your pet(s). Spending lots of time sharing hugs, cuddles, favorite treats, and more cuddles. If your friend is open to spirituality, you could remind them that death is the ultimate healing and what a most selfless gift it is to be there when they cross over. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, but focusing on the selflessness of the gift may make it a more peaceful experience. For both the pet and your friend too. As shared in a previous article, if you do not already know of a trusted caring pet mortician, offer to do Yelp-research for your friend (even while the pet is still alive). You can narrow it down to 3 pet cemetery, and 3 pet cremation places, then call them to ask for details, pricing, times etc.. Once you have that information, share the salient results of your research with your friend so they can make an informed choice. It is ideal if the cremation or burial details were already in place while the pet was alive. It’s the same for people. Plan ahead. When it happens, it’s
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not the time to start making plans. It is quite likely the last thing choice they will want to make at such heartbreaking time, hence your help will be of even greater support. For those of you in the Los Angeles area, I could not recommend more strongly the truly wonderful Scott Summerville and his www.AtGardensEdge.com - I have personally used his services twice already and I have referred friends and clients to him numerous times, each time finding solace in knowing another beloved pet was in his kind and respectful hands. In fact, with every pet I adopted after my first dog passed, I set up all the aftercare arrangements the same week they were adopted. My second dog passed away 13 months after my first one and, while certainly heartbreaking, it was a much more peaceful experience as all the details had already been taken care of while he was alive. Even when I called the vet to make the euthanasia appointment, and they offered I pay on the day of, I declined that option and gave them my credit card number over the phone, asked that I be charged that day. That way I did not get bogged down with extra logistics, and was able to be fully present in accompanying my boy on his final journey. My heart goes out to you, and I thank you for being such a caring friend to those in your life whose hearts are breaking from the (anticipated) loss of their beloved animal companion. You make a difference even more than you know!
Pina De Rosa (APLB / AAVSB) is a two-time TEDxSpeaker and Certified Pet Grief Counselor, founder of www.PetBereavementCounseling.com. You may reach her directly for 1-1 Pet Grief Support (sliding scale available). Her passion project is #MissionWellington and his www.TreatsForPups.com, bringing “doggie bags” of pet food, blankets and supplies to the homeless pups living out in the streets. Follow her at or submit your questions to www.Instagram.com/LifeAccordingToWellington