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5 ACTS 17:19-20



JANUARY 16, 2013







January 16, 2013



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What is your personal life motto? “You don’t know what you don’t know.” - Jocelyn Minor


January 16, 2013



Lawyering up

Trinity Western University pursues a new law school.

Proposals for a Trinity Western University SCOTT School of Law FORSYTH were submitted at the end of June 2012, to both the Ministry of Advanced Education and the Federation of Law Societies of Canada. The program would be the seventh school at TWU, offering a J.D. program of studies with a view to excellence in leadership development, professionalism, and public service. A possible opening is September 2015; however, that is dependent on when approvals might be received. In order for TWU to be accepted as an accredited law school, the Ministry and the Federation must review

will be a law school. In 1993 the Academic Vice President of TWU at the time, Dr. Don Page, approached Sawatsky with a vision for the university. “After working at McCarthy Tetrault, one of the reasons I came to Trinity was the idea of working with Dr. Page to build a law school here,” Sawatsky says. However, it wasn’t until six years ago that the school started to look into the idea more seriously, when Dr. Janet Buckingham was hired, whom also has a huge passion and desire for a law school to be built at TWU. Sawatsky also points out, “A law school at TWU could create a unique place in Canada for legal research to consider issues in law through a Christian perspective. A law school at Trinity would be a place where scholars come together to think through issues related to faith and the law.” Ad-


university is capable of producing capable and quality graduates, suitable

ditionally, there is no law school in the country that has a focus on charitable organizations and charity law. “That’s who we are; we are a charitable organization,” he says, “So it would make sense to have a program that focuses

” ” One of the reasons I came to Trinity build a law school here.

Many contend that a law school is the logical next step for TWU. The university has moved a lot more into the professional areas including Nursing, Business, the MBA program, and Education; it seems that a law program would be the next logical step. “We focus on leadership here at TWU and if

there is any profession that is related to leadership, it’s law. Lawyers go on to politics and corporate leadership focus of leadership. There have been some very rough concept drawings for the new building on campus in a few different locations, one of them being the area between Northwest and CANIL, just design of the building depend on a number of factors. Will it be solely a law school or a joint building? Will residency be attached? Donors input will also be taken into consideration regarding the design of the structure. The program is intended for 60 students a year, thus the total size of the school would include about 180 students. Market research has proven cant number of students around the

province. Professor Sawatsky stressed that TWU is still only in the approvals phase, there is no guarantee that there

country want to attend law school, and TWU’s offering of Christian perspective would give it a unique advantage over other institutions. Tuition will be relatively comparable to Trinity’s current tuition. A law program is a quasi-graduate program so TWU will take into consideration undergraduate tuition rates as well as graduate tuition rates, setting somewhere in the middle. In closing the interview, Professor Sawatsky encouraged students to consider pursuing a law degree. “A legal career isn’t necessarily an easy career, have a great impact and where you can serve. This is one of the “philosophies” of the proposed law school, is the idea of law as service.” If students are interested in a potential career in law, the Pre-Law society will be meeting this year. Email scottwillforsyth@ to sign up or for more information or check out fhss/politics/prelaw.html.


Attawapiskat Chief vows to continue hunger strike

It has been over a month since Attawapiskat Chief Theresa Spence began her liquids-only hunger strike to raise awareness for the Idle No More movement. The movement started when many Canadian First Nations people opposed Bill C-45, a bill designed to make leasing of land reserves easier. Spence and 100 other chiefs met with Prime Minister Stephen Harper on January 11th, discussing concerns of the bill. Future talks are planned with leaders from both sides, but Spence promises to continue her strike until the issue has been fully resolved.

nhl lockout ends

Lasting 113 days, the 2012-2013 NHL Lockout was a labor dispute that started on September 15th and ended on January 6th. The owners of the league’s franchises ing Agreement after 16 hours of intense negotiation. The new contract includes a limit of eight years on contract extensions, a limit of seven years on new contracts, a sal-

Government loses 583,000 canadians



A portable hard drive containing personal information about people who received student loans has gone missing. The device was lost in early November, yet the Canadian government announced on January 11th that students who were part of the federal loan program from 2000-2006. Human Resources and Skills Development Canada Minister Diane Finley says there is no evidence of fraud and that letters will be sent to all those affected.

Haiti president criticises aid on earthquake anniversary

Over two million people lost their homes in the devastating earthquake that hit Haiti three years ago, yet Haitian President Michel Martelly says that only one third of the aid that was pledged has been given. Since the earthquake, Haiti has been affected by a cholera epidemic, landslides, hurricanes, and rampant crime. Martelly calls for every country that is involved to reassess the recovery plan.

We all know how hard it is to be a student. LARISSA From juggling KROEKER studies to our own (non-existent) social lives, many of us could use some helpful tips for making life easier. Whether you need help in lowering your everyday living expenses, you’d like to make the most with your wallet, or you just want your student experience to be hassle-free, these deals are for you. Tip #1: Freeze your leftover coffee into ice cube trays. When the cubes are frozen, just add milk and you will


USA-Afghan combat reduced

have instant iced coffee! You can also use them to cool your coffee without watering it down. Tip #2: If you want to buy the cheapest airline tickets, use your browser’s incognito/private browsing mode. Websites use cookies to track your searches, so if you’ve found a “cheap” ticket after looking around, it will cost more. If you’ve found a good deal and revisit the webpage later on has gone up. Incognito mode will disable the storage of data in cookies, so you can browse the web without leaving any history.

American President Barack Obama has announced that U.S. troops will adopt a “fundamentally different” mission in Afghanistan. Afghan President Hamid Karzai and Barack Obama have agreed to end most of the American combat operations this spring. The American troops will switch to training, advising, and assisting Afghan forces, with an objective of pulling nearly all 66,000 troops out by 2014.

ORcas freed from hudson bay

The village of Inukjuak in Northern Quebec has cautiously expressed its joy after 12 orca whales appeared to have freed themselves from ice in Hudson Bay. However, wildlife experts say the orcas aren’t out of danger yet, as the ice might trap the mammals in another part of the bay. Climate change is most likely the cause behind large predators staying longer in Hudson Bay than they should.

Tip #3: Do you get warm too easyour pillow to get to the cold side? Try bamboo pillowcases and sheets, since bamboo blends (such as rayon) are more breathable and are at least 2-3 degrees colder than other bedding. Tip #4: Are you tired of typing out your email address on your phone? Save your address as a keyboard shortcut, and you will never have to type it out again. This really helps if you have accounts on many sites and need to sign in fast. Tip #5: Get rid of the crumbs in between your keyboard from last

What is your personal life motto? “Good whiskey and filter-tipped cigarettes.” - Ted Lewis

night’s dinner. Use the sticky side of a post-it note to pick up dust and unwanted leftovers. Now you can start writing that essay without having a reminder of your previous meal. Tip #6: Need a ride from an airport? Walk to the departures level and take a normal city taxi to avoid getting ripped off. The arrivals section will be full of taxis that have made deals with the airport, so they can charge more. but forgot to bring some kindling? Surprisingly, Doritos will do the trick. Never will you be hungry or trying to search for small twigs again.



January 16, 2013








pictured: Colleen Little



For $11 per minute, customers of the “co-sleeping specialty shop” can ask for the oshiri makura service; that is, they can pay to rest their heads on the behinds of its female staff. This “cuddle club” industry is booming as men and women alike pay as little as $60 an hour for an innocent snuggle session. I personally am having a lot of trouble getting behind this, butt I suppose I can’t speak for everyone.

Last week in Burlington, N.C. 45-year-old Terrance Ervin Daniels was stabbed repeatedly while he was signing with another deaf friend. When 22-year Robert Jarell Neal saw them talking, he mistakenly assumed they were flashing gang signals so he attempted to kill him with a kitchen knife. If he wasn’t signing Bloods before, he certainly is now.


Scientists have determined that listening to certain music while driving can improve your performance on the road. The optimum tempo for a road trip song was found to be between 60-80 beats per minute—mimicking the human heartbeat—including artists like Norah Jones, Coldplay, Radiohead, and Bon Iver. Contrastingly, hip-hop, dance, and metal music hinder driver safety. Classical music caused the most sporadic behaviour, causing drivers to Bach up into each other.

School of Business Speaker Series

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JANUARY 24, 2013, 4:30PM - 5:45PM, TERMINAL CITY CLUB, VANCOUVER TICKETS: $50 - FREE for TWU students - RSVP online at

DRESS: Business Casual . Free bus transportation available. Limited spots so book your ticket now.

What is your personal life motto? “Calm down.” - Bryan Sandberg

January 16, 2013






JANUARY 16, 2013

CONSPIRACIES REVEALED! What building hasn’t been affected by mold on this campus? First, it was the faculty housing building, then Calvin Hanson Chapel. Just this year renovations were completed to Fraser after mold was discovered there too. After extensive research of leaked correspondance between administration and outside anonymous sources, The Turnip has discovered a sinister plot behind these “coincidental” fungal invasions. In the late 80s, Chemistry professory Dr. Lars Cunningham began work on an experimental new biological medicine. The multusobedientiam spore was intended to be administered in airborn form, which would result in a more morally obedient student body. “The community covenant will become more closely followed


than the American 1st Amendment,” Cunningham wrote in an undated journal entry. This well-intentioned experiment took a nasty turn when the pathogen was tested on a select number of untenured professors at the time. Test subjects became obedient as the research predicted; however, this had unforeseen side-effects, manifesting themselves in a state commonly known as “being a zombie.” Instead of reporting these accidents to the nearest Health Authority, the “infected” professors were sent to an isolation unit under what is now known as Northwest Building. Students today hear whispers of the infamous “Catacombs.” This cavernous stone prison was recently bolted down by the powers at be. Why was it

bolted? The only reasonable explanation is that it was done as a measure to further isolate this dangerous sub-

Due to the airborne nature of this virus, it occasionally sprouts up on walls around campus. If these series of events is not enough evidence for this shocking example of biology gone wild, there is a last piece to the puzzle: the expansion of the Neufeld Science Center. After a removal of certain elements to the Community Covenenant, administration has realized that students have reached the point of no return in a transition from general tomfoolery to unmatched debauchery. This immoral fall led the university to re-engage the previously abandoned research of Dr. Cunningham.

This was decided in a long meeting between faculty and administration unionization issues before moving on to more important things such as biological seditives for post-secondary students with the intention of making them easier to maintain. The research facility added to the Neufeld Science Center was primarily motivated as a central location to continue this research. There is no concrete evidence as to how or when they plan on iniating Phase Two, but a recently discarded document sheds light on several victims acquired for


A sound erupts in the crisp Langley night. More irritating than a Canadian goose with a kazoo: the dormi-

For years students have been fed lies of ‘burned popcorn’ and ‘faulty sprinklers’, but that day is now over. Let truth reign! The Turnip has obtained hard evidence as to the real reason for these frequent disruptions. Unbeknownst to the average passersby, TWU receives most of its energy from a nuclear power plant cleverly disguised as a white maintenance

tent, behind Douglas. Though the structure itself is kept well hidden and secure, commuters passing by on Glover at night may notice a remarkable orange glow emanating from the campus. The reactor requires constant monitoring—every 108 minutes to be precise—but with recent job layoffs the university is struggling to maintain atomic integrity. The notorious

containment breach. Radiation proof fall-out shelters have been dispersed across campus, terview, our dedicated sleuths noticed a conspicuous metal hatch in his ofprovisions stacked under a loose bedsheet. Next time you hear the bell ring, don’t wait outside your dorm like an

students from their dorms is a warning signal, notifying ‘security’ of a

What is your personal life motto? “Live an expectation.” - Colin Buschman

further experimentation. (Has anyone seen Goheen lately?) Last summer, the Nursing wing downstairs was quaranteed due to a containment breach which was passed off as a “burst water pipe.” Watch out for residual traces of the virus. Should you start feeling lightheaded or particularly prudish, get over to RPC asap to receive your last rights. Continue to follow this newspaper for any updates on this extremely important issue.


January 16, 2013


inspired by



Dan Hurst Myth I

Nightshift I am not here. I pace the night Before your eyes Beneath your sight Yet not No not Alone I am not here. I wonder, lost TWU Security

My shadow tossed Your thresholds crossed Yet not Still not Alone I am not here. The doorknob mocks I chase the keys And run from locks Not yet Not yet At home

Janessa Grypma Reconciliation: Wit’at

What is your personal life motto? “Don’t get comfortable.” - Tyler Dumoulin

January 16, 2013




Nihilism and the unliving A deathly stare into the eyes of the undead.

What I am trying to say is that I -





Heroes of Might and Magic III He-

roes of Might and Magic



Heroes III and Magic II -


Heroes of Might -




Are we human or are we zombie? The search for purpose and transcendance.









Shaun of the Dead




Warm Bodies -


Zombieland -


What is your personal life motto? “Eat. Be strong.” - Brenna Carroll

Warm -


January 16, 2013




How societies choose to fail or succeed. For



anyone ages of Mayan ruins overtaken -



Collapse need a high tolerance for summaries and throughout history due to mismanagement of their environment and resources. After cataloguing the failure of Vi-


Diamond turns his attention to modmanagement of environmental re-

Books of the bygone year Seven books read last year, that you should before the next.

Snow Falling on CedarS - david guterSon EMMA A murder SPANJER mystery that reads nothing like an Agatha Christie or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle novel. Set ries of a small multitude of characters -




a tree growS in Brooklyn- Betty Smith

leaving anytime soon. For all that is

trainSpotting - irvine welSh -

my Ántonia - willa Cather

a stream-of-conscious style telling the

rates the story of his move to Montana -

it is a great commentary on Scottish fan. the idiot - Fyodor doStoevSky

Cannery row- John SteinBeCk Cannery Row lacks none of Stein-

Far From the madding Crowd- thomaS hardy






dedicated to inter-dimensional trav-



ashes the entire race of the Vrishnis fresh

can reduce the evil of his creation.







What is your personal life motto? “Eat bacon.” - Sarah Ray

January 16, 2013



Inspire to conspire Get your degree in contemporary gnosticism today. Conspiracy theories are designed to JARON tell you the NEUFELD truth about the world. Whether it’s famous bands who should be banned by parents because their lyrics praise Satan when you play their vinyl in reverse, or how most U.S. presidents are Freemasons, or how we’ll all soon have chips embedded in our wrists under a new world order with a one world government in 2016, the popularity of these “truths” is undeniable. Conspiracy theories are like the devil and angel that sit on each shoulder to inform your guiding beliefs. The red one whispers into your left ear, “Freemasons are actually running TWU”, while the white one is caught


off guard and replies, “You know, I’ve never thought about that before… maybe. Most of us have heard about Area 51, or how 9/11 was an inside job, or how the moon landing in ’69 was a hoax. Most recently, the secret society of the Illuminati, a supposed secret organization in control of world affairs and corporations, has received a lot of attention. Youtube probably has the largest source of conspiracy theory videos to get your hands dirty. Some of the most popular videos are the Zeitgeist trilogy. These feature cryptic Bible prophecies and leaked information into secret societies and You’d be surprised just how many people are convinced. These videos

After a while, the monotone voice of the narrator starts to sound just like the voice of reason. I mean, have you ever watched a two and half hour magnum opus video where the narrator

ries also seems to show just how gullible many people really are. We all love drama. And the quasi-news sources of conspiracy theories are as entertainThe few who have obtained insight

of his life making it, while losing his wife, kids, and job in order to demonstrate that a secret military base exists underneath the Denver airport? I have. got to be true. Many of these fantastic theories are so popular simply because they be crazy but it’s not so easy to show exactly how they are false. You can’t argue against people who simply deny the best evidence we have for certain events or phenomena. The popularity of conspiracy theo-

“Youtube Degree”. A Youtube Degree is equivalent to a Bachelors Degree that prepares its graduates to be edurespect to conspiracy theories, alumni gone on to successful careers in contemporary Gnosticism (esoteric or intuitive knowledge possessed by an elect few). Within this contemporary Gnosticism, recent Youtube alumni

business, biology, religious studies, physics, history, philosophy or—better yet—all of them combined. So, for the chosen few out there, you can use your new found knowledge to spark an interesting conversation with your buddies at the local created by the CIA in order to control population growth. Or to tell that special someone during a leisurely stroll about how Christianity was created by gion by enforcing the worship of constellations, with the sun as the main object of worship symbolizing Jesus. May your endeavors into the new semester be illuminating and may you continue to inform the general public on the imperative truths we need to know!

Why I hate atheists Confessing and overcoming hatred. Sometimes I sympathize with Christians RICHARD of earlier ages: BERGEN The Christians who held trials and inquisitions and condemned heretics, the Christians who launched Crusades, the Christians who banded together against oppressive regimes and kings. Why? Because I hate atheists. I often dislike heretics too, but that’s not the focus of this article. Now, this is not without inner


cult to describe just the gravity of my loathing towards slandering atheists who show unforgivable ineptitude at philosophy and complete ignorance of their Christian historical heritage. Recently, I have read some of the writings of the New Atheists (not just the popular ones). One of them was a walk through the history of thought, and it was so despicably unappreciative towards Christianity, I actually felt like destroying the book right then and there, even though it was someone else’s property. I have also looked at a few new apologias for atheism. est about history and ethical philosophy that I very nearly devoted months of my life to writing a vituperative, condemning retort. Some of you might be mildly nodding your head in a silent “Amen.” To such readers I want to re-emphasize that my repulsion to such atheists is downright visceral. My eyebrows narrow, I begin to quiver, and I experience an intense, irrational rage. This has only begun to happen quite recently. I know that my revulsion for mili-

tant atheists is poisonous. Yet all the clichés of tolerance and humanity have been completely ineffective at dulling my severe hatred. I speculate that this is because I feel threatened by them. Their insistence on the inexistence of God resonates with my experience of God’s absence in my own life. I feel their bitterness and hurt, and yet I have not chosen to abandon my belief or the community of God, but have continued in faith that God will indeed reveal Himself. It is curious that those who seem to be more spiritually attuned, the saints who have devoted themselves to God’s work most heartily, are the ones who seem to have no fear or hatred towards atheists. In The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, there is an elder named Zosima who counsels his loved ones to show universal forgiveness to all people. This is his exhortation to you and I: When one knows “that he is not only worse than all those in the world, but is also guilty before all people, on behalf of all and for all, for all human sins, the world’s and each person’s, only then will the goal of our unity be achieved. . . . Do not hate those who reject you, disgrace you, revile you, and slander you. Do not hate atheists, teachers of evil, materialists, not even those among them who are wicked, nor those who are good, for many of them are good. . . . Remember them thus is in your prayers: save, Lord, those whom there is no one to pray for, save also those who not want to pray to you” (164). As Dostoevsky shows us, my only hope for any kind of change in my disposition towards atheists rests in the theological reality of them being created in the image of God.

FIGURE s e o r e h g Unsunvery day life OF THE for e FORTNIGHT

We need heroes. And we in a lot CAMERON look of different REED places. Over my four-year stint at trinity and after a decade and a half of reading, I’ve found a few that I think deserve more attention. I hope these unsung heroes for everyday life inspire you as they have me. Clarence Jordan (1912-1969) grew up in the American south at a time when brutal racism and oppressive segregation were the norm. The Klan ruled with violence. Blacks were denied basic rights, abused, harassed, tortured, and murdered when they stepped too far out of line. Even among the Church, racism was the status quo. This hypocrisy irked the young Clarence. After studying agriculture with a heart to improve the lives of impoverished sharecroppers, Clarence followed his conscience, leav-


Core to study Biblical Greek in seminary. In a tiny shack nestled under pecan boughs, Jordan composed a translation of the New Testament set in his very own Southern and everyday-American language. In these “Cotton Patch Versions,” the good Samaritan story features a man

robbed on the highway between Atlanta and Albany, with only a black man stopping to help after a White preacher and a famous Gospel singer pass by. The Pharisees were cast as “Sunday school teachers.” But Clarence didn’t just hide behind his pen. He put his life where his mouth was. In 1942, Clarence started Koinonia Farm in Americus, Georgia as a community where white and black Christians could demonstrate radical, interracial love and harmony like the early Christians of Acts. Their fourfold commitment was to treat all human beings with dignity and justice, to choose love over violence, to share all possessions and live simply, to be stewards of the land and its natural resources. Needless to say, the neighbors didn’t take very kindly to his endeavors. Throughout the 1950s and ‘60s, the little farm withstood bombings, bullets, death threats from the KKK, vandalism, economic boycotts and excommunication from their churches. Pastor James Howell writes, “Koinonia perched itself on the American landscape as a mundane call to obedience – and the church responded poorly.” After bringing a darker-skinned believer to church one Sunday, Clar-

What is your personal life motto? “Live in the moment.” - Michelle Kong

ence was pulled aside by the deacons and rebuked. When Clarence asked them to point to the part of the bible that he had violated, or where it said that if a man is dark-skinned he is not allowed to enter the house of the Lord, the deacons slammed down the book, asking him not to “pull that Bible stuff ” on them. Jordan left the Baptist church the same day. As a preacher, Clarence delivered harsh truth in brilliantly straightforward phrases such as: “The good news of the resurrection is not that we shall die and go home with him, but that he has risen and comes home with us, bringing all his hungry, naked, thirsty, sick, prisoner brothers with him.” Or “The trouble with God’s bride (the church) today is that she either has passed the menopause or she’s on the pill. Or perhaps even worse, she’s gone a-whoring.” Jordan inspired many, including Habitat for Humanity founder. Millard Fuller, who ended up giving away his wealth and starting Habitat after visiting and working at Koinonia. Clarence modeled a life courageous love and standing up for truth when it was not only unpopular but ous.


January 16, 2013

Apocaly or ne I seriously wonder how many people were CAMERON truly disapREED pointed when they woke up on December 22nd and found the world spinning on in just the same as it always has. Beyond the fear-mongering of political groups and fringe religious sects, we are perhaps more aware than ever that our world is in a bad shape, so many of us jump readily at the chance for something new, no matter how violent or grotesque the means of getting there. We long for apocalypse. In part because it would be an exciting change, providing some purpose or narrative for our lives. But I think it is also a longing for renewal. The Apostle Paul writes that the whole created world actually groans in pain, anticipating its coming resto-


realized. Or, among the wisdom of Ecclesieverything…a time to tear down and a time to build up” (3:1-10). The Hebrew prophets provide a particularly vivid vision of God’s plan

for the ultimate re

new heavens and a former things will n or come to mind. B I create; for behold for rejoicing and h ness” (Isaiah 65:17 We long for ap we long for the ultim things. But this longin lyptic. Every year tions, vowing to improve, to put on a always-changing w we constantly seek original, in the atte individuality. We fe the Internet, where updates, or messa time we click ‘Refre Our whole cons to a large extent dr this desire for newn caricature when Ro his amigos suit-s away the blues. Buy gadgets, a car or a you feel like a new p Renewed. Perhaps these m ing newness that buying new stuff, tions, or in planni apocalypse, are al deeper, spiritual de We are aware th we are broken, im bind and we want to To the puzzled mus, Jesus describe dom of Heaven as blows the poor leg

the new man,” the image and likeness

What is your personal life motto? “Don’t run with scissors.” - Brandon Bate

January 16, 2013

ypse now ever

enewal and recre: “Behold, I create new earth; and the not be remembered But be glad in what d, I create Jerusalem her people for glad7). pocalypse because mate renewal of all

ng isn’t just apocawe make resolube different, to a better face. In the world of fashion, k out the fresh, the empt to express our eed this craving on e new pages, status ages await us each esh’. sumer economy is riven by exploiting ness. It’s not just a on Burgundy invites shopping to shoo ying new clothes or a phone, can make person. Refreshed.

Gospel we see that the “new creation” prophesied thousands of years ago by Isaiah is not just a future thing. In that new man, renewed in the image of Christ, we carry the seeds of God’s kingdom. When Christ sends out the twelve disciples in Matthew 10, he tells them to proclaim that the Kingdom of God is “at hand.” Faced with just another year that NASA promises won’t be the last, we can still bear witness to the newness and renewal of God’s Kingdom. We may never be able to write a set of New Year’s resolutions and stick to them perfectly. But we can, as farmer-poet Wendell Berry urges, learn to “practice resurrection.” In how we live in the present we can be an image of the love and resurrected life of Christ. We don’t have to wait for another new year, for another fashion line, for the zombie apocalypse, or even for the Second Coming to experience renewal. When we love God and embody his love to our neighbours we are enacting the new creation in the shambles of the apocalyptic aspirations of the present.

moments of thrillwe experience in in making resoluing for the zombie ll symptoms of a esire. hat, like the world, mperfect, and in a o be made new. Pharisee, Nicodees life in the Kings being reborn. It galist’s mind. Or in l calls us to “put on self renewed in the s of Christ. In the

What is your personal life motto? “Stay gold pony boy!” - Darbie Arens



January 16, 2013

ARTS & CULTURE. Black clouds loom across the early mornBRYCE ing sky with the PERRY heavy burden of rain as I am forced from the warmth of my bed to begin the day. Nothing will console me at this hour, not even the most caffeinated of beverages. That is, until I remember it is Wednesday. Suddenly my world seems to brighten as if I spontaneously gained power over the universe, raising the sun from beneath the horizon to melt away the clouds. But why? Why is my day made anew at the thought of hump day? It is because on this day I am going to the comic book store. Each week legions of fanboys and fangirls journey to their local comic shop to stock up, dream, admire, and discuss all things comics. It is the reason that Wednesday is their favorite day of the week. It is their Friday, their TARDIS, their light at the end of the tunnel where you no longer have to wait for that one, or maybe ten, issues you’ve been desperate to continue. For many it’s a hobby. For some it is a lifestyle. But where is this passion


Doom and it probably doesn’t have to do with midichlorian levels, although some may argue it does. All it takes is a mild interest or a friendly sugThey’re hooked. But these aren’t “at-risk” fanboys/

girls who take a break from World of Warcraft every Friday night to play Dungeons and Dragons. Anyone could start making weekly trips on new comic Wednesday for the same reasons someone goes to the movies or reads all seven Harry Potters every year. We love stories. But what we love most about story telling is not the plot ters. Without good characters you will lose the audience, and comics are no exception. These aren’t pages simply loaded with explosions and spandex sake of cheap visual stimulation, alfor this. The heroes and villains boxed in these pages are tasked with trying to save, or take over, the world while also trying to deal with struggles slightly more relatable to ours. A few slightly more realistic examples are

Once you read them it is easy to understand why these graphic novels and so many others are adapted into ter driven, infused with more depth roes. They give us someone to cheer for on a global level as well as on the personal level. You see both inner and gles, and the variety of personalities in different characters. These stories can quickly turn from action-motivated reading to emotionally-invested reading. a villain is punched half way across a city, or Hal Jordan (Green Lantern) runs over some aliens with a green pool does a donut in a monster truck with the windows down to let a trailbreaking the fourth wall, these are what make comics so fun to read.


t t a a e e m m t t e e e e M M p p o o h h s s c i c i m m o o c c e e h tth They entertain us with the absurdly impossible, presenting it in a way that keeps us in momentary suspense, as if every turn of the page is an epic reveal. Yet comics are still kept beautifully simple. They are an excellent bridge between literature and magazines or the funny pages. The mixture of both visual arts and written word are a very aesthetically pleasing way to integrate two creative expressions. The art by itself can be enough for some to become engrossed in comics. But more than the art, more than the action, and possibly more than all the stories, one of the best parts about the world of comics is the community of those who share the passion. It’s not just about getting the new issues but also going down to the comic book shop. It’s seeing who gets what, DC, arguing over the Star Wars prequels, and debating who the best Doctor is. It is more than enough to get you out of your warm bed on a dark miserable Wednesday morning. Look outside and think, “This is going to be a good day.”

Out of the Shire, into the Uncanny Valley Can a movie be too real?



Some hate it. Some love it. Still, many are calling it the fu-

demonstrated in Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit. Traditionally, an average movimages are exposed to the audience, giving the appearance of a continuous motion similar to real life. JackThe Hobbit at 48 frames per second, allowing for the inclusion of twice as much visual information and detail. sume that the new high frame rate simply takes some “getting used to.” But these supporters fail to consider the fundamental biological rule that may permanently prevent us from

the appearance of an image is made more human, a human observer’s emotional response to that image will become increasingly accepting, but only until a certain point is reached. Beyond that point, the human brain becomes uncomfortably suspicious of the image’s imitation of reality and rejects it. pair of human eyes relays 66 frames tail than what Jackson included. Howvisual information into a collection of roughly 40 “moments” processed

less detailed than what our brain is used to seeing. Because of this, our subconscious knows that the image is fake and thus is comfortable with suspending its disbelief and engaging in the story. Director James Kerwin emphasizpension of disbelief [to enjoy works of comes from the lower frame rate. The lower frame rate allows our brains to 30, and therefore this is not real and

props. It’s the way we accept cinema.” However, it would seem that 48 frames per second is so hyper-realistic fake, rejects its attempt to mimic realit analyses each frame for errors in an attempt to maintain a coherently distinction between the real world and the false one. “We’re always going to associate high frame rates with something that’s not acted,” Kerwin maintains, “It’s not learned behavior. It’s an inherent part of the way our brains see

of the acting and the lighting and the

technique. Hypothesized by robotics

What is your personal life motto?”Don’t trust rappers.” - Eric Strom

things.” It’s something I’d encourage each of you to test for yourself, because a lot of it is subjective. We’ve never seen cause we have nothing to compare it to, we are able to accept this particular scene even at 48 frames per second. But after logging countless hours in Starbucks, when we see Bilbo sip a cup of tea our brains perk up and seen an albino orc with a hook for an arm, but I didn’t exactly accept that one either…

January 16, 2013






super hero moVies Let’s just MARKUS get this one out KLIEWER of the way. Iron man 3, Thor 2, Wolverine and Man of Steel are all slated to release this year. It`s


super hero movies go hand in hand nowadays. Thankfully, Avengers and Dark Knight Rises were two of the most in 2012. Let’s hope this year’s batch is at least half as good.

Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was entertaining and effectively laid down the

sTAr Trek: inTo dArkness Creator of Lost TV series J.J. Abrams surprised a lot of people with his 2009 Star Trek reboot. It was a refreshingly solid, tense and funny sci-

can only get better from here.

style, most details about the sequel have been kept on lockdown. Howpromising. As far as I’m concerned, anything with Benedict Cumberbatch (BBC’s Sherlock) is worth the price of admission.

Roman Polanski is a living legend responsible for Chinatown, the Pianist, The Ghost Writer, Cul-de-sac and many Venus in Fur is an adaption of a Broadway production in which an actress attempts to convince a director that she is the

The hoBBiT: desolATion oF smAug It seems that almost everyone is an avid Tolkien fan these days. The

upcoming production. With a nearly ski can do no wrong.

Venus in Fur I have no choice but to include the

The World’s end Director/Writer Edgar Wright has given us some of the best comedies of the past decade: cult classics Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and Scott Pilgrim to name a few. The World’s End promises to continue the British comedic style that is distinctly Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead. Nick Frost, Simon Pegg, and Martin Freeman will deliver that British wit often lacking in American cinema. silence Silence tin Scorsese (Shutter Island, Taxi Driver, Goodfellas come staples in American culture. Silence tells the true story of a priest attempting to spread the gospel in 17th century Japan. Scorsese never disappoints, and this looks to be no exception. AnchormAn 2

my Bloody VAlenTine: TBA... 2013... BRYCE Is a band still PERRY considered a band if they haven’t released anything new in more than 20 years? Well this -


CD to add to their discography. They haven’t given a lot of details about what to expect, but with such a long development, you can expect it to be good. Let’s hope they don’t pull a Chinese Democracy on us.

Anchorman was one the most quoted comedies of the decade. It was also one of the funniest. Will Ferrell and crew have been trying to recreate this level of comedy ever since. Usually comedy sequels like this end up being unfunny copycats of

locAl nATiVes: hummingBird JAnuAry 29 Following their shout-it-out sing along debut Gorilla Manor, Local Natives are returning with their second album Hummingbird. The album with

at Hangover Part 2). However I still believe we should remain cautiously

ence of their producer, The National’s Aaron Dessner, but what they’ve released so far is Local Natives through and through.

we get to see Ron Burgundy`s exceptional mustache on the silver screen in 8 years. I`m not even mad, that`s amazing.

m.i.A.: mATAngi April 15 The bad girl of hip pop has returned once more but later than expected. Originally scheduled for a December 2012 release, M.I.A.’s fourth studio album, Mantangi, was pushed to April this year. The reason: it was too positive. What M.I.A. believed to deemed too polished for Interscope records and sent the hip hop artist back to go at it with a provocative chainsaw. Queens oF The sTone Age: unTiTled TBA... tore through speakers and barraged ear drums with anything new. Now, after working on side projects like super-band Them Crooked Vultures,

phoenix: unTiTled April... After the breakout success of Phoenix’s 2009 Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix they are reentering the ring bum. It is said that the album will be still in the works along with an album title. Meanwhile fans are forced to wait to hear if the French band can hit just as hard a second time. AToms For peAce: Amok FeBruAry 25 Radiohead crossed with Red Hot Chili Peppers crossed with Beck, what’s not to like? Thom Yorke collaborated with the Flea and Joey Waronker back in 2009 and they have

in a new album. But he didn’t come back alone; a couple names mentioned in reference to the new material are Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl and Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. Prepare. ArcAde Fire: TBA... 2013... more critically acclaimed and celethan Arcade Fire. Naturally, when the band announced work on their fourth album fans got excited. Then they told us James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem was involved. It’s a hipster’s wet dream.

What is your personal life motto?”Just dance!” Kira Barwich

slowly been working on new material which now has an album name and single you can expect something similar to Thom Yorke’s 2006 solo effort The Eraser. TegAn And sArA: heArTThroB JAnuAry 29 Out of all that is to be released this year in the world of music, the seventh installment to Tegan and Sara’s discography, Heartthrob, is generating a meets somewhere in the middle between indie-rock and electronica club resulting in a well balanced fusion. Hopefully these Calgarian sisters live up to the growing anticipation.



January 16, 2013



As I sat through the previews at the Rio Theatre on Commercial

Burrito masterpiece, I found myself somewhat dreading the thought of yes I think Christoph Waltz is brilliant and of course Leonardo DiCaprio still makes me weak at the knees, but a slave and a German bounty hunter didn’t exactly thrill me. But, as soon as the opening credits burst onto the screen, accompanied by Luis Enrique Bacalov performing a song rightly entitled “Django”, it became clear that I was about to be sorely mistaken. mind. From the detail of the sound editing to the ridiculousness of the “bag head” scene, in which Jonah Hill makes a cameo appearance, to using Rick Ross and John Legend in the soundtrack; everything is done to mere perfection. Set in the antebellum era of the Deep South, it is the perfect combination of a spaghetti western and the oh-so-exuberant and off kilter style that is quintessentially Tarantino, thus creating a recipe for delicious success. Christoph Waltz is superb in this Inglorious Basterds with skillful wit. His intoxicating way of speaking makes me think if he started a cult I would have a hard time not following him. Jamie Foxx as the lead character of Django took “badass” to a whole new level. Riding around killing white people for money suited him quite well. Although not usually his biggest fan, I will concede that Samuel L.

Jackson, the infamous muse to director Tarantino, wowed me in his evil and menacing role of Stephen. Leonardo DiCaprio portrays the calculating and manipulative Calvin Candie, the south who lives on a plantation referred to as “Candie Land” [insert physical cringe here]. His performance was seamless and even when he gets accidentally injured during a scene, blood gushing from his hand, he never falters. to light issues of extreme inequality and racism, which are overwhelming and unbearable at times, whilst providing a dialogue that is comically unparalleled. I think the Wall Street Journal said it best when they described ciously violent, ludicrously lurid and outrageously entertaining.” Just go see it already not only for yourselves, but also so I have more people to talk about it with. Enjoy!

The importance of imagination in literature.



Of all the books I read, very few of them have such a powerful impact on me

narrative. J.R.R. Tolkien in The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, C.S. Lewis in the Chronicles of Narnia, and countless other great authors have all used the technique of story to engage their readers’ imagination. For most of us, we may remember having a much greater imagination when we were young. Probably, we associate it with childhood dreams— pretending to be our favorite movie character or living in worlds all of our own creation as characters made up from our heads. It is sadly true, that the happy days of Disney cannot last forever. As we grow up, most of us leave those days of imagination and creativity with the games of childhood. We grow up and set our minds to developing skills and living from day to day, solely in the real world. Life is full of decisions to be made, and

learning that requires rational thinking and reason, all of which are totally important. However, I would argue that imagination is somewhat less impractical than it may seem. The force of imagination is powerful; a story that genuinely generates interest will not only help you remember it and learn from it, but also sharpens your mind in general and forces your brain to work creatively. Don’t get me wrong, concrete ideas and hard facts are important; we’re living here to be in this world, not to try to escape to another. mind to be stretched, and your imagination carried off, can be extremely helpful for your personal creativity (as well as great fun). It’s not that that adults don’t pursue pleasure, but it’s always easier to drift towards cheap pleasures that require less effort, like an evening of in front of the television—momentarily entertaining, though not something truly intriguing or provocative. Is it possible, that, most people, as

adults, have lost the ability to dream, to do something for the sheer foolish pleasure of it, rather than because they have to survive or to better themselves? What will it take to get us back to the childhood wonder of discovering the land of Narnia and being totally captivated by the wonder of a world that takes us beyond the realm of reality? Let’s not allow our imaginations to become dormant, dismissing all ture. Rather, let’s challenge ourselves with works of the level of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings to challenge our more complicated adult minds to an even deeper level than when we were children, forcing us to activate our imagination, and bringing us to greater heights of imagination and creativity. There is something about a lesson taught in a story that just brings it together, and makes it stick with you. Personally, I think a little room for some healthy fantasy would keep our minds a little more alive.

What is your personal life motto? “Single and ready to mingle.” - Braden Humphrey

January 16, 2013


Home recording Making sweet, sweet music in the bedroom. The advancement of technology has ANDREW PARKER brought about many changes to our lives. For the recording industry, the technological development of the past few years has begun to rede-


recording of music has been a costly business. This is not a problem if you are a big name artist with a big budget, but what about the little guy? I am in a small time band: Terra Nova Bay. We are unsigned and we aren’t playing $100 ticket shows; in fact, we’re Small bands like us simply do not have the thousands of dollars it costs to put together an album in a professional studio. Thankfully though, the lowing small bands to make quality recordings. The way music is recorded has gone from analog recording (basically recording onto tapes) to digital recording through computers. What this means is that now, instead of having studios full of costly gear, all you really need is a computer and a few basic things (software, a microphone, and an audio interface) to record your

music. We are currently living in an age where do-it-yourself recording is as affordable as it has ever been. Google search “home recording studio setup” and you will be overwhelmed with the amount of sites and forums dedicated to DIY recording. With a budget of under a thousand dollars, a decent computer, some talent, and a willingness to take the time to learn, one can easily record music. No longer do we need big budget studios to produce quality, publishable music. Take Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon for example: in 2009 Vernon released the album For Emma, Forever Ago which he recorded alone in a cabin using an inexpensive microphone and some basic gear. This album gained critical acclaim world-wide and projected Bon Iver into the spotlight. For those of us in bands with limited funds, the success of the ‘bedroom recording’ movement is extremely empowering. When we decided to begin recording an EP this fall, we looked inward rather than outward. One of our members has set up a small home studio in his bedroom, and we have begun to record there, rather than in a professional studio. This technology has not only al-

lowed for the recording costs to drop dramatically for do-it-yourselfers, it has also allowed for those with little money to get a hold of quality modern and vintage gear and to record drums at a fraction of the price. Companies such as Logic and Native Instruments have produced software containing what are called ‘samples’ that can be used through electronic drum kits and keyboards. Samples are basically high quality recordings of each note of a cymbal of a drum kit. Now instead of buying a ton of different instruments, you can go out, buy the software with the sounds and a keyboard that can trigger these sounds, and you have access to them. With the right knowledge, a small time band can put out a professional sounding album for very little money. And, to top it off, social media is making it easier to get your product out on the market and into the wider musical world. In the end, the goal of recording is to share what you have created. With the advance in technology, my band and others can record music we are proud of and make it accessible to others, and then maybe, just maybe, we can make a little money doing what we love.

The biggest winner Watching reality unfold. I love reality TV. From the very



Survivor, I knew that I was in for an emotional ride. I hold my breath as the contestants try their hardest to win and get excited over the fakedrama. When the camera pulls in for a close-up, the tears in the contestant’s eyes cause tears to spring to my own. This, my friends, is the power of reality TV. As an advocate for pushing myself The Biggest Loser completely fascinating. It’s not a diet pill or a gimmick; it’s real people pushing themselves to become a stronger person inside and out. I quickly become lost in the journey of the contestants, watching them become frustrated with themselves, being proud when they break emotional and physical barriers, and crying one’s faces after being isolated at the famous Biggest Loser Ranch. scripted and promotes the fact that people can lose weight in an unrealwhat I see: people changing their lifestyles for the better. Admittedly, some contestants have other intentions while being on the show, like greed or deceit, but those are the things that

make The Biggest Loser exciting. Getting angry at shady contestants and hoping with all my might that karma will get them is a part of the fun! It IS a game, after all. This past Sunday premiered the 14th Season of The Biggest Loser with a twist: adding three teenagers to the mix. But here’s an even bigger surprise: the three teen contestants will not have their weight announced on the show, their workouts will not be as vigorous as the adults, and they will not be eliminated. Jillian Michaels, who returned to the show this season, says, “As a hand how dramatically weight issues can affect every aspect of a child’s life. two, I am more passionate than ever about helping empower children and families with the information and resources they need to live a healthier life.” The point of having these young adults on the show is to teach them about having true health and not about having a smaller waist or clothing size. I, for one, can’t wait to see what kind of transformation each of these contestants will make but I am ready to cry, laugh, root, and be exasperated at the television in hopes of seeing something amazing happen.

Green Smoothie by Katie Bolderheij

The gym is busier than ever and department stores have sold out of their scales. It’s that time of year when ‘healthy’ is in, but it is no new fad: it is people acting on their New Year’s resolution. And to help all you determined folk stick to your goals, I’ve come up with a healthy snack to curb your exercise-increased appetite. Green Smoothie Serves 2 2 cups water (substitute with coconut water for extra zest) 2 cups spinach 1 cup mango (fresh or frozen) 1 cup pineapple (fresh or frozen) 2 bananas Blend the water and the spinach together. Then add the other ingredients and blend all together for a fresh and nutritious snack!

What is your personal life motto? “Swagger Jagger til I die.” - Anna Funk



January 16, 2013



A signature win Spartans back in playoff contention.



The Trinity Western University Men’s basketball team was suffering

them looking like a rudderless ship. The entire complexion of the Spartans’ season changed over the weekend as TWU pulled off a huge upset over sixth-ranked Alberta.

Although the Spartans had a similarly poor record like last year’s team, they have actually played a lot better this season. You wouldn’t know it by looking at their record, but the Spartans are doing much better. They gave number two UBC all it could handle at the start of the year; they won a game over top preseason contender Victoria; and they lost a tough one at the buzzer to Manitoba. The Spartans

could, and probably should have had more than three wins heading into last weekend. The improved performance and the “close but no cigar” in lieu of shameful blowouts did not hide the fact that they were a major underdog heading into the weekend. Opposite the Spartans were the Alberta Golden Bears, coming in at 9-1 on the season and riding a six game winning streak—good enough for top

spot in the Canada West conference. The matchup harkened back to what turned out to be the unfortunate black eye on the Spartans’ record last season. TWU went 0-10 against the top 10 games by double digits. Despite the improved effort and closer results, the trend had continued into this season as TWU still did not hold a signature win heading into the Alberta game.

That downward trend and the los90-85 victory on Friday night. The Spartans came storming out against the Bears, thanks in large part to the contribution of two sorely-missed key pieces. Tristan Smith had been out action in a big way. He ran the point beautifully; he didn’t force anything, showed great patience, and got the team’s rhythm going offensively. Tonner Jackson, who hadn’t played since the season opener against UBC, chipped in with 19 points and eight rebounds to bring a presence on the low block that the Spartans had been sorely missing. Jackson, Smith, and Mark Perrin keyed a great offensive attack and an inspired defensive effort that saw TWU build 49-33 halftime lead that was punctuated by an over the head heave from three quarter court by tans continued the onslaught in the second half as Jackson dropped a putback off his own miss to put the Spartans up by 24. It looked like TWU would embarrass one of the top teams in the nation. Alberta rallied however; after looking disjointed offensively all game ment in their offense leading to more open looks. The Spartans helped the stretches at a time as Alberta was able to whittle the lead down all the way to three and had a chance to tie late. However, Kenneth Otieno missed a three for the tie and Perrin iced the game with two free throws as the Spartans held on to escape with a massive victory. Even though the Spartans weren’t able to sustain the success and suffered another close loss the next night to Saskatchewan, the season which seemed lost now suddenly has great meaning. The Spartans are only two games back of Thompson Rivers and have a pair of games remaining against TRU. The Spartans also

pictured: Tristan Smith


Mount Royal, and UBC Okanagan; three teams which, in a word, suck. Suddenly greater things may be in play for the Spartans, now that their

Spartan women sputter Women’s basketball falls to last-place. Just when the Trinity Western Women’s CAMERON basketball team STUERLE had somegressed yet again to fall further away from the Canada West playoffs. The Spartans resumed their Canada West schedule following the winter break with hopes of turning things around and potentially making a late playoff push. Those hopes were sadly buried in front of another sparse crowd as TWU was beaten convincingly over the weekend.


weekend back with a matchup against Alberta and fell behind a sputtering offense. The Spartans were forced to settle for jump shots most of the game

as Alberta did a great job with help defense and cut underneath just about every screen the Spartans ran. Alberta’s defensive game plan was basically to let the Spartans take as many jumpers as the wanted and TWU simply wasn’t able to make them pay for it. Things on the defensive end were a mixed bag for the Spartans. TWU did a good job limited easy drives to the basket and chasing Alberta off the three-point line. TWU’s problem boiled down to their lack of size as Alberta snagged 15 offensive rebounds and converted them into far too many second-chance points. Spartans diminutive stature has been a problem all year as they were once again outrebounded, this time by a convincing 43-29 margin. The Spartans never let Alberta go

on a blistering run but rather, they simply couldn’t keep pace as the Panadas slowly pulled away and left with a 73-53 victory. On-court life didn’t get an easier the next night as things went from bad to worse on the offensive end. The Spartans Saturday night contest against the University of Saskatchewan had a similar feel as the Spartans worked hard, got open jumpers outclassed by a more talented team. The Spartans had another solid night of contested shots and protected the rim as the Huskies failed to shoot better than 40% but the rebounding was poor once again and the Spartans couldn’t hit their shots as they hit a diThe discrepancy between the

Spartans good effort and poor performance is a major problem; it’s hard to think of what Coach Jean-Paul can say to her team at this point. The Spartans are passing well and getting good movement on offense. Their spacing is good, the ball isn’t stagnating in one players hands for 10 second sat a time. The execution has been very good all year, the Spartans just haven’t been making their looks and that is The Spartans are now six games back of a playoff spot with 10 games ahead of them. I hate to say it with so much basketball still to play but this is looking like another lost season for the Spartans. pictured: Laurissa Weigl

What excited is your personal motto? “Steve it later” Challenge” - Rachael Grote What are you most for this life year? “Events likewill thefixBanana - Jen Newman



January 16, 2013


Spartans even out double-header with Bobcats A win and a loss for Spartans men’s volleyball.



road-trip being defeated

and unin -

take on a double-header against the Brandon Bobcats over the past weekso far this season, the Spartans went out to the court looking to dominate like how they have been dominating throughout the season. The Spartans took a win and a loss in this double header with the CW third ranked Bobcats. Though they took a loss this weekend the Spartans still remain to be a threatening team in the CIS. say the least. Both teams battled hard to their fullest potential. The Spartans

The second set was not at the same level of competitiveness as the with momentum as they crushed the

with it. The Spartans play great both offensively and defensively, showing why they are the defending champs. They fought hard and earned the win in this set. It was then a comfortable mentum, however, did not continue through the third and forth set. It was the Bobcats who turned it around and cued for the comeback Spartans. The Bobcats completed the comback as they continued to win a

pictured: John Wiebe

the comeback, the momentum was has been having a good season for the team. The Spartans started out strong

set. The defending champion Spartans did not let this happen. The Spar-

On Saturday the Spartans were looking to repeat for another win


Spartans had given up the lead. The Bobcats stormed through the third

Unfortunately, the Bobcats come out set, it was no surprise that the set was extended to an extra point. The SparThe Spartans were able to take advantage of the last swing of momentum

Notable Spartans for the win on Thursday include Steven Marshall

Spartans. The Spartans played a strong match although they lost. It was yet

forth for both sides. It was classic volleyball and very exciting, but unfor-

blocks. The Spartans will be back at the toba. It should be another close and exciting game of volleyball. Come and support your Spartans!

another win. Leading the Spartans on Satur-


Preparing for the playoffs A look at the upcoming NFL championship teams. The NFL playoffs are down to four teams, CAMERON each just one STUERLE more win away from going to the Super Bowl. I know there is a large concentration of Seattle Seahawks fans at TWU and I


not, there is still some great football ahead and there is a case to be made for each of the four remaining teams. Atlanta Falcons:

playoffs prior to Sunday. In spite of Philadelphia Eagles fan, I know more than you will ever understand. Just because your team lost in excruciating fashion and did so because of terrible coaching (again, I can relate to

it, the Falcons pulled out a miracuquarter lead. The Falcons are an elite home team and will play the NFC title game at home on Sunday. Julio Jones, Roddy White, and Tony Gonzalez can

might win a shootout on Sunday San Francisco 49ers: The problem is that it is simply impossible to do. There is simply no consistent defense to beat a man with his size, speed, gling late in the regular season, has righted the ship and once again looks like the impressive unit that allowed the fewest points in the NFL prior

sport. Brady is in the conversation for the greatest QBs to ever play which means New England always has a

for one of these situations. Lewis has been playing with a large arm brace to protect torn triceps and has lead his team emotionally the best two weeks to wins many thought the Ravens

could be the last resume booster est ever and he knows it too. The Patriots defense and running game is playing much better than the shoddy units that struggled to support Brady last year. What will happen?

the naysayers, Joe Flacco has continued his postseason brilliance. Many discredit him as a marginal quarterback but the fact remains that he is the only QB to win a playoff game

big pass plays on play action to beat

enough to win a sixth super Bowl for Baltimore Ravens: sometimes

playoffs and move on to something

match-ups. Sometimes, the reason a team can win goes beyond rational reason. The Baltimore Ravens in Ray

league. The Ravens were a Lee Evans dropped pass away from beating the Patriots and making the Super Bowl ing it up two years in a row. New England Patriots: It all controls the outcome of a game more so than any other position in another

and beat the Patriots. I believe in the Ray Lewis farewell tour. Furthermore, Baltimore has always played earlier this year and they should have last year. I expect to see Baltimore get redemption for last year when -

HAPPY TIMES Happy 33rd Birthday Albert Pujols! ing player of baseball`s modern post-steroid era. In addition to his three MVPs, Pujols has won two World Series with the St.Louis Cardinals and been selected as an all-star nine times. My two favourite details about Pu-

Happy Anniversary Ivan Lendl! ing his nemesis Bjorn Borg. Lendl wanted to beat Borg at a grand slam, so he decided to throw his match at the Volvo Masters so he could hide his game plan against Borg for the French Open. Borg proceeded to dispatch Happy Trails Seattle Seahawks! who is a genuine dick. That being said, that was a really tough way to lose Seattle would win a Super Bowl but then that happened. If only Pete Carroll understand when to use his timeouts…

What is your personal life motto? “Too much too soon!” - Iona Wray


January 16, 2013


New season unlocked A refresher for all you Canucks fans.

Hockey is back! It feels like it has been ANDREW PATTERSON forever for some of you, hasn’t it? I will admit that I said that I would most likely not miss the NHL this season, giving me the chance to watch more NFL and NBA action. But now that it’s back, I feel so happy! Maybe I did indeed miss it. But it is just pure excitement for me to see training camp underway and the 48game season just around the corner. When the media was focusing on the whole mess about the CBA and the NHL lockout, it made me forget everything that has happened since the day after the Los Angeles Kings held the Stanley Cup. And now that we’re back to talking about the actual game and league, everything has suddenly jolted back to me. A lot has changed during the past offseason for the Canucks, some good, some bad, and a question mark or two. So let’s get caught up on what’s going on with our beloved Vancouver Canucks before we kick off the season. Let’s get one thing out of the way


sonally, I like Schneider. He is a young and talented goalie. He is calm in the net and knows how to position himself. Schneider isn’t even in his prime yet and he’s already taking over a spot of an elite goaltender. But don’t get me wrong. I am not a Luongo-hater. NHL and he will continue his dominance for years to come. The only question is where would Luongo go? Luongo has said that he is only focusing on one thing at this time – stopping the puck. Other than Luongo, let’s not forget the player we lost to free agency – Sami Salo. Salo was one of my favourite Canucks and I still cannot believe that he is not a Tampa Bay Lightning. He has left a huge hole in the Canuck defense as he and his bomb of a slapshot moves south-east. The Canuck defense is still deep. With the signing

of Jason Garrison, Salo’s spot is easily fenseman that it goes down to about 9 players who are capable of making the team. The ninth player on the defensive depth chart is Kevin Connauton, a promising defensive prospect. With a defensive core consisting of Dan Hamhuis, Kevin Bieksa, Alex Edler, Keith Ballard, Chris Tanev, and Jason Garrison, I wouldn’t be too worried about the Canucks’ defense. With good news comes some bad news. Ryan Kesler is still injured after having two off-season injuries. It was originally expected that Kesler would be back by now, however, after

having wrist surgery his return date as been extended. This creates a giant hole in the Canucks’ second line centre position. Oh how I miss Cody Hodgson. Fortunately, this creates a perfect opportunity for the Canucks’ top prospect Jordan Schroeder, who Canucks back in 2009. Let’s not forget that we have Chris Higgins who is capable of playing centre, as he did for the Habs. This is still a big question mark for the Canucks as we enter the short season but it would be interesting to see what decision Alain Vigneault will make. I predict that the Canucks will win

the Northwest Division once again. But it won’t be as easy as it was before as other teams in the division have improved. A notable threat to the Canucks would be the Minnesota Wild, who has signed both Zach Parise and Ryan Suter in the summer. Althought the other teams have improved, the Canucks have a much better core of players and an insane depth chart. Let’s hope the Sedins and Burrows have another good year offensively and that the defense will do what they are capable of. As for goaltending, there is no problem with two amazing tion. Welcome back Canucks! Cheers.

happened folks, or at least not yet. Luongo is still a Vancouver Canuck as I write. He has showed up to training camp here in Vancouver, which had many people talking. After such a crazy offseason for Luongo it was almost obvious that he was not going to be a Canuck for long. He even dropped clues and hints to the media throughout the summer, calling Cory Schneider a future star for the team. Now that he is still here, it is almost a little awkward. Both Luongo and Schneider are starting goaltenders; there is no question about it. So having both of them is a bit pointless if you ask me. Per-

No reason to celebrate

The NHL lockout may be over, but the NHL remains broken.

Maybe I’m a pessimist; perhaps I foCAMERON cus too much STUERLE on the worst case scenario. I might even admit that there was a part of me that wished the National Hockey League had stayed locked out and eventually folded. Maybe, I just hate people who suck at their jobs. Gary Bettman sucks at his job. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there will be an NHL season after all, I’m happy to have real hockey back in my life. However, I refuse to treat this like its “business as usual.” The 2012-2013 NHL lockout, the capper on Gary Bettman’s hat trick of work stoppages proved yet again that the NHL is broken and desperate. I have been surprised and I might even say appalled by the many I have read and heard rushing to his defense. “He is a puppet for the owners; he’s forced to take unfair blame. His


job is impossible; no one can get 30 owners to stay on the same page” “Bettman has grown the NHL, him.” It’s all hogwash. I will admit that Gary Bettman is a puppet for the owners and his task of keeping them together is impossible. That is a problem Bettman created by his own doing however. The root of the NHL’s problems can be traced back to Bettman’s absurd idea that hockey could survive in the southern United States. If the NHL was a 20 team league the league would actually be healthy for a change. According to Forbes 81% of the NHL’s revenue comes from Toronto, Montreal, and New York. I have a hard time believing that teams like Philadelphia and Boston make up the same share of the remaining 19% as Florida and Dallas. It’s true the NHL has made record sioner but the numbers behind those

now isn’t what it was in the early 90’s. More importantly, the NHL’s revenue is still eons behind other professional sports. In fact, it isn’t even on the same level as college athletics. NBC’s television contract with the NHL is worth about the same as ESPN’s deal to cover Pac-12 football. NBC gets seven nights a week of coverage instead of two for the Pac-12 on ESPN, eight months of telecasts instead of four, the money is the same. We’re not even talking about Alabama, Ohio State, or Notre Dame here. In America, Wash-

ington State vs Arizona is worth the same on the TV market as New York vs Chicago. perity even ignores the fact that over one third of the NHL teams actually made money during the lockout. Attendance and TV ratings are so poor in most American markets that the teams actually operate in the red every time they put a game on. Simply put, Gary Bettman and the National Hockey League have proven they can’t take care of your money. He will lie to you and tell you the league is doing great, that getting a CBA done and saving this season is a great victory. But, it’s all a lie. Gary Bettman




TUESDAY 7:00-9:00

dropping his pants and taking a dump on all of us who love hockey. The deal he signed off on was on the table back in September and he knew it was all he would ever get all along. The reason he allowed the lockout to drag on though, was to protect his league from losing more money. SO don’t celebrate this new deal. Don’t go buy a new T-shirt, don’t buy a pair of tickets to the game this weekend. Sit on your money and wait to give it to his successor. Bettman and the NHL have proven that they don’t deserve you.

basketball WEDNESDAY 7:00-9:00

Check out or Like us on Facebook! What is your personal life motto? “I’m not very good at goodbyes, but that’ll do pig.” - Kelvin Benger

January 16, 2013




you’re allowed to laugh at this page.

The ginger life is the life for me Painting the town red, one soul at a time. I have been a ginger all of my life and have GILLIAN accepted that I DUNN did not choose my hair; my hair chose me. I would


certainly added a great deal of entertainment. Both my second-eldest sister and I have red hair and growing up my family referred to us as the -

where fast with the Red Birds in tow. Bouncing along in the tandem baby quently to ask about our hair and ask permission to touch it. That was the was when she had to kindly explain to strangers that they could not reach out and begin stroking our heads as it made us very upset. After all of these people kept tellbegan to go to my head (no pun inof my greatest fears was that I would be kidnapped. One night I told my Mom that I was afraid someone would climb through my window to kidnap me. My mom explained that this was very unlikely and I combatted with

had to break the news to me that my red hair was not that sought after. My sister and I will often swap hair

three most powerful letters in the huthat no ruby red will be caught joking about. We laugh at the moistur-

continue the partner has to carry the gene as well. Why not just marry an-

here is my theory as to why. When you see two gingers in a room you automatically assume they are related. I

the amount of friction it takes for ab-

but now you understand what I’m get-

the summer months I do have one goal in mind: the watch tan. That’s

dating are seen out in public everyone else has already come to the conclusion that these two people are related.

white band just above my left wrist at the end of each summer. This is so that when people take in my glowing complexion I can prove that I used to

the right stain glass window

let you in on a little secret: gingers are rarely if ever attracted to other gingers

smirk at those that think they are pro-

of you didn’t know that even existed. Though it comes out of the bottle like

would provide a few answers from my

when I go camping -If you throw a VCR at my head I will indeed feel it


could probably smuggle fruit across the border in my hair (I draw the line at pineapple) -Famous gingers include Miss

play of Little Orphan Annie

I mean c’mon who doesn’t

we smile but secretly hope you step on a lego

when those gingers start kissing. It’s probably something along the lines of tions about incestuousness. It is this reaction that we gingers hope to pre-

want our problems. ginger guy hoping to begin dating a beach because of our skin tone. Oh ed her precious red birds with another option: the oh-so-popular baggy white T-shirt. That’s right I rocked the rash guards before they were cool. I’m pretty sure Quicksilver and Billabong saw me on the beach and realized

a redhead in your lineage and she will

especially thick and especially curly. their enthusiasm and ask every question that comes to mind so I thought I

hands. Gingers are a dying breed. I will give you a minute to wipe the tears from your eyes before I move on. and his squares you will know that means that for these crimson locks to

coming up to us to discuss our luscious locks and simply cannot continue with their days unless they have asked us if we are twins. I have always wondered what difference it makes if we are twins. Is it some kind of competition that you share at the dinner table? “Well I ran into some twins to-

Along with my oh-so-scarlet hair colour comes another ginger realleisthenewtan. It’s like Edward Culmy natural ivory skin tone I use the

New Year’s Resolutions Don’t let the ball drop on these ones.

Buy a nude colored onesie.

Create an alternative to “yolo.” Something like “yogtto” which is “you only go to Trinity once” . . . unless your Mitch Sorensen.

Use my binoculars more often for . . . pretty much everything.

Clean my retainers. That mold won’t get rid of itself, amirite?



Hang off the gate at the front entrance of campus and see if it still goes up. #probablynot

Hunt down a freshman boy and force him into a DTR.

Become Rebel Wilson.

Be more specific about Christmas gifts next year to avoid confusion between a “Kindle” and a “Ken Doll.”

Initiate tap-shoes into my weekly wardrobe.

What is your personal life motto? “Take the plunge(r).” - Kelly Lamb

Exercise and eat healthy the first day back to school and then talk about it for two weeks. Steal a golf cart . . . again. Swim in the TWU pond and then shower for five days straight.


January 16, 2013


Mars’ Hill editors reserve the right to edit or reject submissions based on content and/or length. A printed submission does not necessarily reflect an endorsement of any kind, nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Mars’ Hill staff , the student association, or that of the University. In fact probably not. Got new glasses today... Did you know trees have leaves? Recently introduced to BBC’s Sherlock... Best Show Ever! Nearing grad is scary... nvm I’ll just gain super senior status instead. Why is the prayer room always so cold? It’s okay, remember rain down here = snow on the mountain.

Dear TWU, Thought you were rid of me? Suckas! I can still write declassifieds from Israel mwahaha. Ladies, be honest, mustache or no mustache #notmovember Don’t talk to science profs unless you’re 100% sure of your facts. They’ll do the calculations in their head to check otherwise. Check out @nedsays folks!

MARS’ HILL 13/14

Visual Editor email for more information or to sign up for an interview

Section Editors Chief Copy Editor

Managing Staff Editor-in-Chief

Layout Editor Photo Editor

“Meat. There’s real meat, and then there’s sausages.” -Peter Durovic

When someone gives you food and you think for a split second that it’s poisoned.

Leave the guys in skinny jeans alone. You girls all wear spandex to keep up with fashion. Seriously though, they should be banned. I need to study and I cant stop staring at your Gluteus Maximus

When your RA doesn’t know that the Lord’s prayer is in the bible.. -.WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE. ;) Mars Hill: we accept submissions, but jk, we’ll never publish them. To the guy who didn’t flush in the bathroom by the LC. I recognized your shoes. I know who you are. Don’t let it happen again.


Production Staff Managing Editor

New Year’s Resolution: Be single AND happy.

Me: “What is that english device where the mood of a character in a book is reflected in the weather?” My RA: “You mean. . .like mood nail polish?” Me: “. . .what?” Come to Sunday Night Alive and see Candace Howard. 8pm @ the Atrium. Jan 27, Feb 10, March 3, 17, April 7. Now I know Romans and trees go together.. RELS 250, amirite?

Finance Manager

Illustration Editor Web Presence

Advertising Manager







New ART prof... mmmhmmm great.. YouTube has ANOTHER new layout... now I get to watch more videos on how to watch videos. Need honey mustard sauce? Mix honey and mustard, it’s the same thing. Trust me. Has anyone else noticed that when a guy and a girl go for a walk together everyone flocks to their windows and stops their cars to stare in shock. Its like they’ve discovered a new animal species. Deadline is Jan 20th. Have you applied yet?!??!?!?! 500 wrd essay.. Does that even count?

Dear TWU Pillars yearbook...looking through your facebook page, it seems as though the majority, and I mean that by almost ALL, of your pictures are shots of resident students. Are you forge!ing that the majority of students in TWU are commuters? It’s quite obvious they’re residents due to their basic a!ire! Popcorn from the dollar store, a li!le sketchy.. Yep, playing with puppies was definitely a good stress reliever :) Thanks TWU Student Association!! If you don’t know who Princess Consuela Bananahammock is, we can’t be friends. it feels like every girl in my dorm has been DTRing lately...and i’m just si!ing here in my pj’s, watching pride & prejudice, and eating chocolate. Top hair. It’s a thing. I don’t speak in tongues, but I kiss that way!


David Punnamannil Year: 1 Height: 5’11

Biblical Studies

Hometown: Dubai Denomination: Pentecostal Fave preacher: Steven Furstick,

Best pick up line: “Is this the smell of curry Reinhard or the smell of true love?”


Fave Bible verse: 2 Corinthians 12:10; Hosea 6: 1-3

Top quality in a future mate: She can translate for me.

How do you know if it’s love: When

Fave Song: Re: Stacks by Bon Iver Favorite way to worship god: To al- How do you win her parents over:

ways be in the presence of God in every moment Play the race card. and step you take and spending time with Him. Skill that makes you “the one”: I work for Dell tech support, which means I can Age Limit: It’s up to my parents. also speak more than one language.

How long before you propose: When my parents allow me to.

Best place for a first kiss: In front of

*excluding matcha

a window display.

Biggest deal breaker:

If she has more

hair than I do.

Fave chick flick: It’s A Wonderful Life.

What is your personal life motto? “Always keep a pen handy.” - Colin Weeres

Mars Hill Newspaper Volume 17 Issue 7  
Mars Hill Newspaper Volume 17 Issue 7  

The 7th issue of Mars Hill 2012-2013. The first issue of 2013