THE GOOD VS. THE BAD CHRISTMAS SHOPPER

A do’s and don’ts fable, with a message on how to shop for your loved ones.

Words by Tabitha Orchard

This is Holly. She is feeling thrilled, yet calm and collected about the upcoming festive period. She managed to scoop up an assortment of wonderful Christmassy bargains in the January sales at the start of the year and has carefully been selecting personal and meaningful Christmas gifts for her loved ones ever since. Nothing as insincere as a gift voucher will possibly do. Holly can relax in the knowledge that she will finally have everyone catered for by early December, leaving her plenty of time to wrap each gift with the care and precision each recipient deserves. Holly knows she simply would not have the time or financial means to shop comfortably for all 28 of her close family, friends, colleagues and children, as well as her husband, the day before Christmas.

This is Eve, Holly’s friend.

When Holly discusses her Christmas shopping tactic with her, Eve rolls her eyes, sniggers and shrieks, ‘who has the time to think of Christmas gifts months in advance? I do all mine last minute, usually on Amazon!’ Holly wonders whether Eve’s confident nonchalance will come back to bite her in her very large arse.

During the lead up to Christmas, Holly pitches the idea of a £10 cap on Secret Santa presents to her colleagues. Holly noticed a handful of red faces around the dinner table last year at the Christmas party when several employees gave and received gifts hugely mismatched in price to one another.

Meanwhile, over the road at another trust company, Holly’s friend Eve giggles to herself. She has just bought her boss the most hilarious fluffy reindeer thong from Ann Summers for Secret Santa, complete with the Jingle Bells tune, which sets off whenever one shakes their hips in it. Little does Eve know, that her boss who happens to have Eve for Secret Santa, has also just bought her gift; a set of 4 top of the range crystal champagne glasses from de Gruchy.

handful of red faces around the dinner table last year at the Eve,

Later in the year, on Christmas Eve, Holly is cheerily strolling down the street with a large bottle of mulled wine tucked neatly under her arm. Fully immersed into the Christmas spirit, she makes her way to a big Christmas party. On the way, she happens to bump into Eve. Eve looks frazzled, stressed and disorientated. In one hand she carries at least 8 bulging shopping bags, strewn with gifts and bursting with coloured tissue paper. In the other, she grapples at a rain-splattered list of names and 3 Voisins gift vouchers. The ink starts to run on her list and all of the names begin to flow into one another. Eve is shouting into to her phone, held in place by her shoulder. “We gave your Aunt Gladys a scarf last year, what else might she bloody want?” She barks at her husband on the other end in a fluster of irritation, before she finally notices Holly. The women chat for a minute or so about the bad weather before Eve confesses that none of her Amazon orders arrived on time before Christmas. Holly jokes to Eve about the January sales not seeming like such a bad idea after all. Eve has far gone past the point of no return for joking. 