Supporting conversations with children about race and racisms

Jennie Tsekwa

There is a famous quote by Tata Nelson Mandela who says: “No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” In our world today, children continue to be on the receiving end of hate – from the horror and violence of conflict to the daily microaggressions that take place in schools, families, and other social environments where prejudice and bias around race, class, gender, sexual orientation, and religion are rife. In my work as a DEI coach and practitioner over the past 15 years, I have heard from parents and teachers who tell me that children are innocent or “don’t see colour,” and that it is better if we don’t talk to them about race and racism. But I believe this is the wrong interpretation of Mandela’s quote.

Sadly, because of our racialised world and systemic racism, children are exposed to race and racism from the day they are born. Research has shown that they are already differentiating based on skin colour before they are two years old. So, it is our responsibility as their teachers, parents, coaches, school leaders, guardians, or caregivers to help them understand and navigate race and racism in ways that are supportive, empowering and not just a transfer of our pain, biases, and baggage (which can happen verbally, through our actions and even through our silence).

In 2022, I sat with groups of Grade 7 students at two different schools, in two completely different parts of South Africa. In both cases, these students, who were as young as 12 years old, had already been subjected to racial bullying by fellow students in one case, and by teachers in another case. As I held a space for them, I watched as their apprehension over the topic turned to openness and release - it was a moment to ask them about their experiences, teach them deep listening skills, explain why certain words are harmful and make them conscious of why it is so important to understand our history.

In early 2023, I sat with several high school students who acknowledged how much their friendship groups were divided around race and how they didn’t want it to be like that, but that they did not feel free to talk about it with their teachers because of the racial and gender biases in their classrooms. At the end of one of the workshops, one of the students said to me and my co-facilitator, “You are the first adults that have actually listened to us in a long time.” That was powerful feedback, especially as I’m so aware that this is an ongoing journey. This was a testimony to the power of listening – teaching young people how to listen well to each other, without judgment. And that it is okay for them to expect this from the adults in their lives. This is why rolemodelling is so critical.

A big part of my work is supporting teachers, coaches, and school leaders in practicing to slow down and listen well, especially around issues of identity and belonging, and how to handle tough topics and comments that arise in their diverse classrooms. This is equally true for the parents, guardians, and caregivers that I’ve worked with – both one-on-one and in groups – to feel more confident and empowered to meet kids where they are at.

Young people have so much to teach us about loving well and unconditionally, and they also need us to lead the way in role-modelling this through our words, actions, and way of being in the world. Tata Mandela reminds us that this is possible, but it requires intentionality, courage, and commitment.