JULY 1319, 2012 • THE SOUTH SHORE STANDARD •
Late Night Humor
The Best of This Week’s Post 11pm Wit
Jimmy Fallon
David Letterman
“According to a poll by National Geographic, 65 percent of Americans said President Obama would better handle an invasion by space aliens than Mitt Romney. Well sure, once the aliens landed they’d see there’s no jobs and they’d go home.”
–Jay Leno “I secretly want Romney to win because, look, I’m a comedian. Mitt Romney is an ultra-Caucasian Mormon zillionaire who uses his dog as a hood ornament. For me not to secretly want him as President, it’s like Halliburton secretly not wanting a war.”
–Bill Maher “Last night was the big annual congressional baseball game between the Democrats and Republicans, and the Democrats won 18-5. Of course the Democrats won. Did you see who the umpire was? Chief Justice John Roberts.”
–Jay Leno “The Obamacare ruling makes Roberts the first Republican to favor an insurance law with an individual mandate since, well, Mitt Romney.”
–Jay Leno “People will now have to have health insurance. The same way every driver in California has car insurance.”
–Jay Leno “If you’re an illegal immigrant in Arizona hoping to become a citizen so you can get free healthcare, this is the greatest week of your life.”
–Jay Leno “The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kickoff event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left ev-
Conan O’Brien
FOOD COURT
Jay Leno
ery few seconds, and you end up right where you started. “
–Jay Leno “Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I’m frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.”
–Craig Ferguson “A man is filing a lawsuit against Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, claiming they have ties to al-Qaida. When al-Qaida heard this, they said, ‘Please do not lump us in with those maniacs.’”
–Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney reminds me of the guy in high school who only has friends because his parents have a swimming pool.”
–David Letterman “While talking about the economy, Joe Biden said it’s a depression for millions of Americans. He used the word ‘depression’ to describe the economy. I don’t know if Mitt Romney has picked a running mate yet, but Joe Biden sounds like he’d be perfect.”
The ribs at The Beach are finger-lickin’ good. Photo courtesy of The Beach.
For a unique dining experience that’s sure to entertain, The Beach at The Sands of Atlantic Beach is a brand-new restaurant that serves up authentic barbeque food with a separate bar and lounge area, indoor and outdoor seating and a nightclub setting when the sun goes down all overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. The restaurant’s dinner menu features classic barbeque comfort food with its own unique twist. Start out with
SNEAK
“A rare copy of Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation sold for $2.1 million at an auction house in New York City. As you know, the Emancipation Proclamation is the document that freed the vampires.”
an order of “Burned Ends”, tender brisket that has been re-cooked until the ends are crispy, served over North Carolina vinegar slaw for $7.95. Barbecue nachos ($9.95), loaded fries ($7.95) and fried pickles ($5.25) are other yummy appetizer options. Platters filled with dry-rubbed Baby Back ribs, smoked brisket, barbeque chicken and pulled pork start at $12.95 are sure to make your mouth water just reading the description.
PREVIEW
–Jay Leno “Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.”
Steve Byrne stars as Steve Sullivan in Sullivan & Son, a comedy coming to TBS on Thursday. Sullivan gives up life as a corporate attorney and his gorgeous girlfriend to take over his parents’ bar. Photo courtesy of TBS.
–Jay Leno “President Obama has a new ad that hits Mitt Romney’s business career by calling him an ‘outsourcer-inchief.’ Romney responded with an ad of his own — made by an excellent company in India.”
–Jimmy Fallon
The Cottage Coffee Shop Cottage Coffee Shop
1047 Broadway Woodmere NY 11598 516-295-5911 OPEN 7
DAYS
Wed-Thurs
Open Late for Dinner
Oysters on the half-shell are elegantly presented. Photo courtesy of The Beach.
Cool BBQ Eats at “The Beach” at The Sands of Atlantic Beach
–Jay Leno
Say You Saw it in The Standard
T A AT
B5
New on TV Sunday, July 15 3 Days To Open With Bobby Flay: FOOD 10:00 p.m. Criticallyacclaimed chef and owner of 15 restaurants Bobby Flay is saving new food businesses that are at risk to lose it all before they even open. Bobby offers his expertise in the high stakes world of food with only three days until the big opening to restaurateurs who have no prior experience. Everything is on the line – including savings, livelihood and integrity – and these new businesses need Bobby’s help or failure is imminent. They have big plans to
open a restaurant, but they have no clue how to do it. Can Bobby Flay save their dream in just three days? Flay assists the restaurateurs in money matters, restaurant setup, kitchen supplies, creating a menu, training staff, putting the dining room together and everything else that comes along with opening up a brand-new restaurant. In a test of will, skill and perseverance, these restaurant owner hopefuls are against the clock to make sure their opening night doesn’t become their closing night.
Thursday, July 19 Sullivan & Son: TBS 10:00
The dinner menu also offers sandwiches like a trio of sliders ($10.95), a popcorn chicken club ($10.95) and a build-your-own-burger option for $12.95. Seafood options are abound with unique dishes like blackened fish tacos ($12.95) and citrus grilled shrimp ($17.95). A full children’s
The Beach is located at The Sands Atlantic Beach, 1395 Beech Street in Atlantic Beach. To make a reservation call (516) 371-4005 or (516) 3714000. www.thebeachlongisland.com.
p.m. Set in a popular pub in a working-class Pittsburgh neighborhood, Sullivan & Son follows Steve Sullivan (Steve Byrne), a successful corporate attorney from New York who brings his girlfriend, Ashley (Brooke Lyons), home to Pittsburgh to meet his parents. Steve’s timing is impeccable, however, since his Irish-American father, Jack Sullivan (Dan Lauria), and Korean mother, Ok Cha (Jodi Long), are preparing to retire and sell the family business – a bar called Sullivan & Son. The bar is a hot spot among locals – the unofficial “town hall” to the neighborhood. It doesn’t take long for Steve to realize that what he really wants out of life is to return to his old neighborhood and take over Sullivan & Son, even if it means giving up a lavish Manhattan lifestyle with
$5 OFF with $25 minimum
the gorgeous Ashley. Steve begins his quest for a more meaningful and rewarding life … behind the bar.
New in Movies Friday, July 13 Grassroots: R. It’s the year 2001 – before Twitter, before the flash mob and before Barack Obama. A political unknown named Grant Cogswell (Joel David Moore) decides he must take down Seattle City Councilman Richard McIver (Cedric the Entertainer). Cogswell has only one dream, but it’s a big one – an elegant monorail gliding silently above the city’s wet streets, with only a tiny footprint on the ground. He is apoplectic with rage over McIver’s mass tran-
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EL CHUSO Restaurant & Bar
458 SHERIDAN BLVD. INWOOD NY 11096 516 643 0500 or 516 239 2266
Real Spanish/ Colombian Food SUPER LUNCH SPECIALS Beef or Chicken Rice & Beans 12 Oz. Soda $4.95 Tax Included
www.elchuso.com
Soup Beef or Chicken Rice & Beans Unlimited Soda $7.75 Tax Included
SUPER BREAKFAST SPECIAL
GRAND OPENING delivery is always free ...$15 minimum.
menu is also available. If you’re looking to enjoy the beautiful view at The Sands but you don’t want to sit down for dinner, The Beach also offers a bar and cocktail lounge with unique, beach-inspired cocktails and craft beers. Call ahead for reservations.
Ackee & Saltfish CALALLOO & SALTFISH.OATMEAL Cornmeal.Hominy Corn Includes a FREE PORRIDGE
Cater for all occasions
With Med. or Large Breakfast Meal
BREAKFAST starts at $6 MON - FRI 8AM - 11AM
450A R 450A Rockaway ockaway Turnpike Turnpike 5 516 16 - 371 371 - 2 2433 433