FEB.1016, 2012 • THE SOUTH SHORE STANDARD •
Late Night Humor
The Best of This Week’s Post 11pm Wit
B9
ON SALE
Bargains Around Town
Jimmy Fallon
David Letterman
“Congratulations once again to the world champion New York Giants. They played a great game. Eli Manning now has two rings. Two! But that’s still one less ring than Newt Gingrich.”
–Jay Leno “Former presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is on the show tonight. If you know anything about this guy, he dropped out. But he’s a former governor, Ambassador to China, honest, kind, ethical, a good husband, and a good father. He never stood a chance.”
–Jay Leno “I like Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy on a package of underwear.”
–David Letterman “Mitt Romney said he doesn’t really care about poor people. Now he’s backtracking, and he’s saying he connects with poor people. Yeah, the same way Tom Brady connects with Wes Welke.”
–David Letterman “Newt Gingrich says that people who ride on subways here in New York are the elite. I was on the subway today and one of the elites sitting next to me was smoking crack.”
–David Letterman “Newt Gingrich didn’t bother to campaign in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota. But he’s vowed to stay in the race until the Republican convention. However, Newt doesn’t have a great track record as far as sticking to his vows go.”
–Jimmy Kimmel “Because of large crowds at his campaign events, Mitt Romney will now receive protection from the Secret Service. Not to be outdone, Ron Paul will now receive protection from a mall cop on a Segway.”
–Jimmy Fallon “President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about
Conan O’Brien
Jay Leno
sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?”
–Jay Leno “One of the most talked about commercials was the one with Clint Eastwood, where he said, ‘It’s halftime in America, and our second half is about to begin.’ The bad news? China has the ball and we’re down $15 trillion.”
–Jay Leno “President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?”
–Jay Leno “One of the most talked about commercials was the one with Clint Eastwood, where he said, ‘It’s halftime in America, and our second half is about to begin.’ The bad news? China has the ball and we’re down $15 trillion.”
–Jay Leno “After winning the Super Bowl, the Giants will get to meet President Obama at the White House. Meanwhile, the Patriots will get to meet Newt Gingrich at the Waffle House.”
–Jimmy Fallon “Newt Gingrich has criticized ‘New York elites’ who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.”
–David Letterman “President Obama spoke at the national prayer breakfast. The president said that his Christian faith is the driving force behind his economic policies. So I guess instead of blaming Bush, it’s now all Jesus’ fault.”
Shake Up Your Wardrobe with Mixology A blazer is a wardrobe staple, and a cropped one pairs perfectly with an a-line dress or layers a basic tshirt and jeans. A black crop blazer, which was originally $74.50, is now $25.00 at Mixology. The blazer’s not meant to keep you warm, so a bright scarf is a must in chilly weather. Flare legged slacks aren’t just for
the office, Mixology has tan slacks by BB Dakota that can work for day or nighttime. The slacks with a pair of heels can elongate legs, even for the most petite women. Wear the pants with a simple top, chunky bracelets and a funky clutch to goout. They were originally $90.50 and are now $25.
Mixology is located at 1199 Broadway in Hewlett. (516) 569-2800. Mixology.com If you’re a local store with a big sale going on with some hot items, feature it in our On Sale section. Let us know about it; email us at news@standardli.com.
SNEAK New on TV Sunday, February 12
The 54th Annual Grammy Awards: CBS 8:00 p.m. Catch the 54th annual Grammy Awards live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles this Sunday. For the first time ever, the awards show will feature a dance music segment with artists Deadmau5, the Foo Fighters, Chris Brown, David Guetta and Lil Wayne performing in a tent in front of 1,000 fans. The Beach Boys will also reunite this year during the show, performing with current Grammy nominees Foster the People and Maroon 5. The show will be hosted by two-time Gram-
my award winner LL Cool J and nominees include Adele, Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, J. Cole and Skrillex. Comic Book Men: AMC 10:00 p.m. This new six-part series explores fanboy culture by following the antics in and around filmmaker Kevin Smith’s New Jersey comic book shop, called Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, where staff and customers “geek out” over mind-blowing pop culture artifacts and the legends behind them. The series is unscripted and features Secret Stash employees Walt, the manager and de-facto leader; Mike, a comic book virtuoso; Ming, the store’s technical expert and go-to
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Kanye West tops this year’s Grammy nominations with seven nods whipping boy; and Bryan, who doesn’t actually work there but can always be seen perched on a stool behind the front counter. Tune in to see how the Stash is held together by the strong bond of a community that loves comics.
New in Movies Tuesday, February 14
–Jay Leno
Say You Saw It In The Standard
Flare legged slacks by BB Dakota at Mixology
PREVIEW
“The House of Representatives has passed a bill that prohibits people from using welfare money in strip clubs or liquor stores. I agree with that. Strip clubs and liquor stores should be off limits for people who get government funds — you know, like congressmen.”
–Jay Leno
Crop blazer from Mixology
Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon and Tom Hardy in This Means War
This Means War: Rated R. Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are the world’s deadliest CIA operatives, inseparable partners and best friends, until they fall for the same woman (Reese Witherspoon). At one time, they were bringing down entire enemy nations together, but now they are employing their incomparable skills and an endless array of high-tech gadgets against each other. This action-adventure comedy sees twists and turns as the two best friends realize they
are in a love triangle, which ultimately affects both their professional and personal lives. The film also stars Chelsea Handler and Til Schweiger.
Friday, February 17 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Rated PG-13. Nicholas Cage returns as Johnny Blaze, the spirit of vengeance, with this sequel to 2007’s Ghost Rider from the Crank team of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. Johnny is still struggling with his curse as the devil’s bounty hunter and is hiding out in a remote part of Eastern Europe when he is recruited by a secret sect of a church to save a young boy (Fergus Riordan) from the devil (Ciarn Hinds). Johnny is reluctant to embrace the powers of the Ghost Rider at first, but realizes he must do it because it is the only way to save the boy and possibly rid himself of his curse forever.