JUNE 17 - 23, 2011 • THE SOUTH SHORE STANDARD •
Late Night Humor
FOOD COURT
The Best of This Week’s Post 11pm Wit
Jimmy Fallon
David Letterman
Conan O’Brien
next month. Yeah, scientists say that if they can figure out a way to make iPhones work in outer space, they could eventually get them to work here in midtown Manhattan.”
–Conan O’Brien
–Jimmy Fallon
“Most of Newt Gingrich’s campaign staff quit on the same day and some people are blaming Newt’s third wife. When asked about it, Newt said, ‘I’ll win them back with my fourth wife.’”
“For the sixth time in a year, an air traffic controller was found asleep in the Reno Nevada airport. I have a good way to keep them awake. Make them sit in the same cramped plane chairs that we have to sit in.”
–Conan O’Brien “Congressman Anthony Weiner has just checked himself into a treatment centre for people battling chronic sexual dysfunction. Checked in? He’s already there, it’s called Congress.”
–Jay Leno “Congressman Anthony Weiner has announced that he’s not resigning in the wake of the scandal. One thing we know about Weiner is that he knows how to stand firm.”
–Jay Leno “According to the Wall Street Journal, economic experts now fear there may be a second recession. A second recession? When did the first one end?”
–Jay Leno “I say don’t judge Anthony Weiner until you’ve walked a mile with his pants down around your ankles.”
–David Letterman “NASA is planning to send the first iPhones into space
A Lot More Than Bagels
Jay Leno
“TMZ published a photo of Anthony Weiner in the congressional gym. When he heard about it, Newt Gingrich said, ‘There’s a congressional gym?’”
B5
Island Bagel Bar in Lawrence can be deceiving. Walk in and you might think you’re in any other bagel store, but one look (then bite) of their food and you realize it’s much more. Owner Eli Shamalov first pointed out that his bagels are handmade by
his baker with over 30 years experience. He says the bagels are made in a Thai style that gives the bagels a crispy texture that machine made bagels cannot compete with “People stop by here a lot of the time before they go on trips,” Sha-
Santa Fe Wrap
malov said. “They’ll stop by here, grab a dozen bagels and go.” The first dish Shamalov showcased was his Santa Fe wrap ($7.99). “It comes with avocado in there, grilled chicken, lettuce, tomato and cucumbers,” Shamalov said. “It’s a specialty wrap, one of our more popular dishes. We make our grilled chicken using our secret recipe.” The next dish was the Grand Canyon sandwich ($6.99), made on one
–Craig Ferguson “The women who Anthony Weiner communicated with were a college student, a single mom, a blackjack dealer, and a porn star. Or, as we call that here in Los Angeles, the circle of life.”
Island Bagel Bar is located at 284 Burnside Avenue in Lawrence. Call them at 516-371-2394 to place an order for delivery or pickup, or for more information.
The Grand Canyon
–Conan O’Brien
of Island Bagel Bars signature bagels. “Once again, the Grand Canyon sandwich comes with our specially made chicken cutlet, with bacon, melted Muenster cheese, and honey mustard,” Shamalov said. “It’s also one of our more popular items.” All wraps and sandwiches are part of Island Bagel Bar’s lunch specials and come with a house salad as well as a drink.
Unity is The Theme for DRS Class of 2011
“According to a worldwide survey, the funniest country in the world is America. We are considered the funniest country in the world and Germany is considered the least funny country in the world. How bad is that when you come in behind that laugh riot, Iran?”
CONTINUED FROM P. A5
–Jay Leno “President Obama has offered bailout money to keep Greece from defaulting on its loans. Yeah, when Greece thanked him, Obama was like, ‘Don’t mention it . . . to China, because it’s their money.’”
–Jimmy Fallon
the neat thing is that DRS really focuses on the Achdus, but our school really brings it out more than a lot of other places. Even kids in other schools, they’ll have their separate cliques, but here there’s not one at DRS that you’re trying to avoid. Not everyone is your best friend, but you’re not trying to avoid anyone.” While Valedictorian Benjamin Kantowitz’s speech focused on the ways in which DRS can be fun, it all tied back into the theme of unity and solidarity. “Most of my classmates are
DRS Grads sent caps flying.
Photo by Jonathan Walter
Every year I say the same thing,” DRS Physical Education Teacher Larry Gross said. “They’re the same age and I’m a year older, but I get more out of them than they get out of me. It’s an unbelievable thing. Every class is uniquely individual. They are a sweet group of boys.” Parents of graduates also reflected on their children’s four years at DRS.
very outgoing and friendly,” Kantowitz said. “Like I said in my speech, when they would find out that a new student was transferring in, they’d invite them to hang out before the school year
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Proud father Harry Ginsberg and son Jordan. so that they would have some sort of foundation of friends. They’re all really outgoing and generally really nice kids.” Both speeches offered a glimpse of what DRS offers students besides a quality education, which are the ideals that the students need to succeed later on in life. “Now we’ll always be able to meet new people and succeed in whatever we do,” Willner said. While the DRS seniors celebrated their achievements, the faculty at DRS watched another class move on.
Photo by Jonathan Walter
“I’m very proud of his accomplishments and I’m very proud of the school and what they’ve done for our children,” Ed Sussman, father of graduate Ari Sussman, said. “More important than the education itself, they taught them to love to learn, which they’ll continue to do in college and next year in Israel.” “It’s a wonderful culmination of four years of hard work,” Henry Ginsberg, father of graduate Jordan Ginsberg, said. “It’s a fantastic school, great education, great camaraderie, and we’re very happy that we decided to send him here.”
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