sex & t h e su bu r b s

Panelists included: Andrea Gaines, David Klow, Antoinette Saunders and Carol Moss

By Mar jie Killeen In September we kicked off a series of shows based on this column at the Wilmette Theatre, and our first panel discussion focused on the question: Why is good sex important (especially compared to a good night’s sleep)? The answer may seem obvious—duh, of course sex is important—but the truth is, many of us aren’t feeling all that hot to trot. Married couples have more sex than their single counterparts, but the longer their relationship goes on the less sex they have, and 20% of married couples have almost no sex at all. One generational study showed that women in the 1950s (our grandmothers!) had more sex than women do today. Despite the so-called sexual revolution and being bombarded with explicit images in the media, experts say that lovemaking takes place less now than at any time since World War II. Why are our libidos so lethargic? One reason is that we’re exhausted. A recent survey from the Better

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Photo by Jordan Klow

good sex is important in more ways than one

Sleep Council found that 79% of women prefer getting a good night’s sleep to having sex. Sleep and stress are the biggest enemies of desire, and women—and men— are feeling plenty of both. Having to work at your love life often seems like one more chore on an endless to-do list, so why bother? Is it really that important? Absolutely, say my panelists, and for a wide range of reasons beyond physical gratification. Carol Moss, a licensed clinical social worker in Wilmette, feels that sex is intricately connected to our identity and our life’s purpose. “Good sex is part of the life force and it’s part of why we’re here on earth. Our life force validates who we are.” Andrea Gaines, an Evanston life and wellness coach, says women need to make experiencing pleasure a priority because it enhances their whole life. “We have a responsibility for our own turn on,” she says. “It’s not just about the bedroom. What are you doing to have a turned on life outside in the world that makes you feel good about yourself? What are you doing to cultivate that energy that makes you radiant? It’s part of taking care of yourself, that you have the capacity to feel pleasure and allow time for that.” Wilmette psychologist Antoinette Saunders feels that good sex, which she defines as much more than

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11/6/12 6:44 PM